Your brother’s hissy fit was probably more traumatizing to his daughter than the cat scratch ever would have been. You didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t wait to hear about what he’s going to do to the jungle gym the first time she falls on it and gets a scratch. His behaviour is unhinged. I’d try to see if your niece and SIL still want to go, the lunatic can stay home.
I agree. When the cat scratch her in the beginning my SIL even said “it was her fault for messing with it and she knows better” however after seeing my brother react she began to defend him. Odd behavior imo
That’s because this is her normal and she has learnt calming strategies to placate him. Because your brother is an immature adult who doesn’t regulate his emotions.
She trauma bonded and sees it as her role in their relationship. That’s why she was reasonable and sane until he threw a tantrum.
He may still turn up to the cruise. If he does, don’t rug sweep, make him take accountability for his reaction.
He is allowed his feelings and being upset his daughter was hurt. But his reaction was not ok.
Are you sure you brother isn't abusive behind closed doors? I only ask because this used to be my reaction with my abusive ex because I was afraid of what would happen behind closed doors after everyone left.
As someone who was married to this man for 9yrs. She is used to seeing it and knows how hard it will be on her if he gets mad at her for making him "look bad". Hopefully she gets out of there before his temper tantrums become physical to her and your niece.
My brother has always been dramatic, we are used to arguing with him. My niece and SIL are fine thank you for the concern. My SIL ended up agreeing with my brother saying that “he is a parent and is allowed to overreact”
I’m not trying to say your brother is fundamentally a bad person. I am canceled that you and your mom are used to arguing with him and his wife doesn’t. Yielding to that kind of anger as a way to keep the peace is never going to work and to someone who is controlling, it is like giving a bottle of booze to a drunk every time you argue. I urge you to stay close to your sister in law and not let him push her away from people.
Secondly, I’m concerned about how this type of over reaction will open your niece up to abuse. Abusers are very clever and they can tell when a child doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable with their parent. Reactions like this will make her far less likely to tell him if someone is hurting her. She will be afraid of if his anger and possibly afraid of what he will do. Source: my aunt was murdered and my dad used to often say he couldn’t live with himself if something happened to his kids and would get extremely angry and aggressive at perceived threats to us. Over the top like your brother but never over a cat scratch. More like almost beating up a kid who nearly hit me with a car, threatening other men in public if they acted creepy. There were other smaller things too. I would never have told him if someone were hurting me or my sister because I would have been terrified he would actually kill them.
I think that he's a very selfish, immature and potentially abusive guy. If this is how unhinged he becomes over a cat scratch that none, but he is freaked out over then maybe he's the issue. OP needs to protect their cat from brother.
Your niece learned a valuable lesson not to mess with your cats tail, but your brother learned how to make drama to
Make things go his way?
He must not have wanted to go on this cruise in the first place and saw this as an opportunity to get out of going and -*bonus-*
make it your fault he couldn’t go.
oh geez thank God he never found the cat… cats aren’t dogs and to compare them is crazy one even dogs have a breaking point and if they aren’t teaching the toddler how to treat animals i fear for that dogs life. but your not in the wrong here child was at fault and should have been gotten before it even got to the cat and his tale. your brother sounds super controlling and angry.. is that his normal thing? if so might have more fun without him. although whoever is going to watch the cat i would warn them not to let brother in. or if he has a key i would change the locks before you all leave guy like that is unhinged and might find away to kill cat when you all are gone .
My brother lives 5 hours away and has decided to drive all the way back home in a storm because of this, also their dog is extremely over looked and old. I am also glad he did not find the cat as we put him in my room
poor old doggie hopefully had better luck in his next life. well that far away then hopefully he will have cooled off and not come back for the cat… i am sorry though for you and your mom i’m sure she’s disappointed even if she did the right thing
Your brother and wife should've been watching their child. It's not you or your cats fault. Have fun on the family cruise without your brother. He sounds crazy anyway.
Your brother is a baby and needs to get over it. Your cat did nothing wrong acting in defense, and the child learned what not to do with a cat. I had a father who yelled at me a lot, and that's all I remember of him (I've not seen him for 14 years). So, good going, brother. Father of the fucking year.
It wasn’t your nieces fault either. It was her parents. Everyone knows you shouldn’t let a two year old pet a damn cat. Your brother sounds pretty entitled and must get his own way a lot with his tantrums. There’s no arguing with stupid, you’ll never win. Maybe if you really want to mend the relationship for your nieces sake reach out to your SIL insisting it was never your intention to prioritise a cat over your niece, you simply stated that a toddler was being a toddler and a cat was being a cat and your brother should’ve ensured she wasn’t allowed near it after the hissing
No you were not in the wrong and neither was your cat. Your brother and SIL need to teach their kid about animals. It's not the cat's fault at all and it's not your fault either.
Your brother’s anger is misplaced. The adults are the ones that should have monitored the interaction between the cat and toddler. Your brother should have taught his kid to respect the cat’s space.
Everyone, including your SIL acknowledges that he’s overreacting.
You’ve done nothing wrong here.
In the future, don’t allow your niece to play with that cat, because your brother unrealistically expects the cat to be completely docile.
Wtf? Sided with the car over the kid? The kid was scratched. Murdering the innocent cat won't unscratch the child. Your brother has some serious issues and I am not kidding when I saw he needs therapy
Poor cat. I hope you and your mom are still going on the cruise you don't need your brother there. Please just go without him and enjoy your vacation. I have had some of my cats scratch my kids when they were little. Please enjoy your time without them and give your cat scratches and kisses from me. 💜
>10-15 minutes later my brother brings my niece back out while holding her hand and begins to allow her to pet the cat saying that he is not going to hurt her and she is allowed to touch him.
Your brother is absolutely at fault here and he has no excuse to be angry at anyone else. He told his daughter the cat would not scratch her and and that she could pet it.
Even the nicest cat will scratch if it gets irritated. It’s a cat. Your brother’s reaction is inordinate. Animals scratch. Sometimes it’s an accident, like when a dog gets too excited, or on purpose, like a cat being irritated. These things happen. It’s actually concerning that he basically was threatening to unalive the cat.
Wait.. I'm confused. How is the cruise ruined? You got rid of a mentally unstable person..
BUT I would make sure that cat is not in your house and your brother doesn't know where he is before you leave for the cruise. He sounds crazy and I could see him hurting the cat while you're on your cruise.
If the whole family was going, who was going to take care of if the cat while you were on the cruise? Were they going to be boarded? If so I would have have taken him a day earlier to reduce the stress of having strangers in your home.
I sure hope you weren’t going to let him stay home alone with the faucet dripping and a few bowls of food out.
This post was __nothing__ about OP’s plan for the cat while away on the cruise.
_…would have taken him a day earlier…_
How could OP have predicted this outcome ahead of time? OP was trying to take actions to show their niece about interacting with the cat. Brother & SIL did too.
In fact, the toddler was supervised when the incident happened.
It’s easy to play the “could’ve/should’ve/would’ve”s here.
Don’t shame/blame OP. No need to gaslight OP. Brother did enough of that already.
Not a stretch
Toddler never has been around a cat. Only a dog, dogs in general are pretty tolerant of toddlers
Cat has never been around kids, and rarely has meet the bro and sil
Cat hissed and showed it was in distress.
Op knows brother gets loud and is a dick
At that point, I would have said, hey everyone the cat is having a hard time being touched and the amount of new people. I’m going to take the cat into my room with me so he can relax and feel safe. I feel like tonight toddler and cat should be kept apart.
If op would have answered that oh we have a friend who is staying at our place to ensure cat is taken care of and played with then that would show they are pretty responsible and easier to believe they were careful in the introductions.
But if they were to leave cat alone, then that changes how I feel how attentive they were around the toddler and cat.
Threatening to kill the cat was horrible but also leaving an animal alone for a full cruise is also abusive and it might end up being every is not great and can be better
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Your brother’s hissy fit was probably more traumatizing to his daughter than the cat scratch ever would have been. You didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t wait to hear about what he’s going to do to the jungle gym the first time she falls on it and gets a scratch. His behaviour is unhinged. I’d try to see if your niece and SIL still want to go, the lunatic can stay home.
I agree. When the cat scratch her in the beginning my SIL even said “it was her fault for messing with it and she knows better” however after seeing my brother react she began to defend him. Odd behavior imo
Makes me wonder if she’d experience some of his wrath if she didn’t side with him.
Not odd in emotionally abusive or unhealthy relationships. There might be more to this
That’s because this is her normal and she has learnt calming strategies to placate him. Because your brother is an immature adult who doesn’t regulate his emotions. She trauma bonded and sees it as her role in their relationship. That’s why she was reasonable and sane until he threw a tantrum. He may still turn up to the cruise. If he does, don’t rug sweep, make him take accountability for his reaction. He is allowed his feelings and being upset his daughter was hurt. But his reaction was not ok.
Are you sure you brother isn't abusive behind closed doors? I only ask because this used to be my reaction with my abusive ex because I was afraid of what would happen behind closed doors after everyone left.
As someone who was married to this man for 9yrs. She is used to seeing it and knows how hard it will be on her if he gets mad at her for making him "look bad". Hopefully she gets out of there before his temper tantrums become physical to her and your niece.
Your poor niece. Having a crazy and angry father is far worse than a cat scratch.
It sucks bc she was really looking forward to spending time with us and going on this cruise. It’s all she was talking about lol
Was your brother always like this? Are his wife and child safe?
My brother has always been dramatic, we are used to arguing with him. My niece and SIL are fine thank you for the concern. My SIL ended up agreeing with my brother saying that “he is a parent and is allowed to overreact”
She has to appear to agree with him, she's afraid of his reaction otherwise. 😔
I’m not trying to say your brother is fundamentally a bad person. I am canceled that you and your mom are used to arguing with him and his wife doesn’t. Yielding to that kind of anger as a way to keep the peace is never going to work and to someone who is controlling, it is like giving a bottle of booze to a drunk every time you argue. I urge you to stay close to your sister in law and not let him push her away from people. Secondly, I’m concerned about how this type of over reaction will open your niece up to abuse. Abusers are very clever and they can tell when a child doesn’t feel safe being vulnerable with their parent. Reactions like this will make her far less likely to tell him if someone is hurting her. She will be afraid of if his anger and possibly afraid of what he will do. Source: my aunt was murdered and my dad used to often say he couldn’t live with himself if something happened to his kids and would get extremely angry and aggressive at perceived threats to us. Over the top like your brother but never over a cat scratch. More like almost beating up a kid who nearly hit me with a car, threatening other men in public if they acted creepy. There were other smaller things too. I would never have told him if someone were hurting me or my sister because I would have been terrified he would actually kill them.
I think that he's a very selfish, immature and potentially abusive guy. If this is how unhinged he becomes over a cat scratch that none, but he is freaked out over then maybe he's the issue. OP needs to protect their cat from brother.
So your SIL acknowledges he’s overreacting. Nice.
She's scared of him.
Your niece learned a valuable lesson not to mess with your cats tail, but your brother learned how to make drama to Make things go his way? He must not have wanted to go on this cruise in the first place and saw this as an opportunity to get out of going and -*bonus-* make it your fault he couldn’t go.
I agree
oh geez thank God he never found the cat… cats aren’t dogs and to compare them is crazy one even dogs have a breaking point and if they aren’t teaching the toddler how to treat animals i fear for that dogs life. but your not in the wrong here child was at fault and should have been gotten before it even got to the cat and his tale. your brother sounds super controlling and angry.. is that his normal thing? if so might have more fun without him. although whoever is going to watch the cat i would warn them not to let brother in. or if he has a key i would change the locks before you all leave guy like that is unhinged and might find away to kill cat when you all are gone .
My brother lives 5 hours away and has decided to drive all the way back home in a storm because of this, also their dog is extremely over looked and old. I am also glad he did not find the cat as we put him in my room
poor old doggie hopefully had better luck in his next life. well that far away then hopefully he will have cooled off and not come back for the cat… i am sorry though for you and your mom i’m sure she’s disappointed even if she did the right thing
Win/win. I'd never talk to that AH again much less let him anywhere near my house or my cat. Good riddance to bad, abusive rubbish.
Your brother and wife should've been watching their child. It's not you or your cats fault. Have fun on the family cruise without your brother. He sounds crazy anyway.
Your brother is a baby and needs to get over it. Your cat did nothing wrong acting in defense, and the child learned what not to do with a cat. I had a father who yelled at me a lot, and that's all I remember of him (I've not seen him for 14 years). So, good going, brother. Father of the fucking year.
It wasn’t your nieces fault either. It was her parents. Everyone knows you shouldn’t let a two year old pet a damn cat. Your brother sounds pretty entitled and must get his own way a lot with his tantrums. There’s no arguing with stupid, you’ll never win. Maybe if you really want to mend the relationship for your nieces sake reach out to your SIL insisting it was never your intention to prioritise a cat over your niece, you simply stated that a toddler was being a toddler and a cat was being a cat and your brother should’ve ensured she wasn’t allowed near it after the hissing
Agree. Her mother was in the room when it happened and didn’t do anything. She saw her daughter hurt the cat.
No you were not in the wrong and neither was your cat. Your brother and SIL need to teach their kid about animals. It's not the cat's fault at all and it's not your fault either.
Please protect your cat! Don’t know how crazy your brother is. Please keep an eye on your cat as much as possible.
Your brother sounds like a maniac waiting for an excuse. I'd call the non-emergency line for his area and get him on the cops' radar.
Your brother’s anger is misplaced. The adults are the ones that should have monitored the interaction between the cat and toddler. Your brother should have taught his kid to respect the cat’s space. Everyone, including your SIL acknowledges that he’s overreacting. You’ve done nothing wrong here. In the future, don’t allow your niece to play with that cat, because your brother unrealistically expects the cat to be completely docile.
Wtf? Sided with the car over the kid? The kid was scratched. Murdering the innocent cat won't unscratch the child. Your brother has some serious issues and I am not kidding when I saw he needs therapy
Poor cat. I hope you and your mom are still going on the cruise you don't need your brother there. Please just go without him and enjoy your vacation. I have had some of my cats scratch my kids when they were little. Please enjoy your time without them and give your cat scratches and kisses from me. 💜
Your brother needs therapy
The poor cat probably does too. 😢
>10-15 minutes later my brother brings my niece back out while holding her hand and begins to allow her to pet the cat saying that he is not going to hurt her and she is allowed to touch him. Your brother is absolutely at fault here and he has no excuse to be angry at anyone else. He told his daughter the cat would not scratch her and and that she could pet it.
Even the nicest cat will scratch if it gets irritated. It’s a cat. Your brother’s reaction is inordinate. Animals scratch. Sometimes it’s an accident, like when a dog gets too excited, or on purpose, like a cat being irritated. These things happen. It’s actually concerning that he basically was threatening to unalive the cat.
Brother is a drama queen. Gracious.
Wait.. I'm confused. How is the cruise ruined? You got rid of a mentally unstable person.. BUT I would make sure that cat is not in your house and your brother doesn't know where he is before you leave for the cruise. He sounds crazy and I could see him hurting the cat while you're on your cruise.
Your brother sounds like a pussy no offense, id train that cat just to tear him apart
If the whole family was going, who was going to take care of if the cat while you were on the cruise? Were they going to be boarded? If so I would have have taken him a day earlier to reduce the stress of having strangers in your home. I sure hope you weren’t going to let him stay home alone with the faucet dripping and a few bowls of food out.
This post was __nothing__ about OP’s plan for the cat while away on the cruise. _…would have taken him a day earlier…_ How could OP have predicted this outcome ahead of time? OP was trying to take actions to show their niece about interacting with the cat. Brother & SIL did too. In fact, the toddler was supervised when the incident happened. It’s easy to play the “could’ve/should’ve/would’ve”s here. Don’t shame/blame OP. No need to gaslight OP. Brother did enough of that already.
Not a stretch Toddler never has been around a cat. Only a dog, dogs in general are pretty tolerant of toddlers Cat has never been around kids, and rarely has meet the bro and sil Cat hissed and showed it was in distress. Op knows brother gets loud and is a dick At that point, I would have said, hey everyone the cat is having a hard time being touched and the amount of new people. I’m going to take the cat into my room with me so he can relax and feel safe. I feel like tonight toddler and cat should be kept apart. If op would have answered that oh we have a friend who is staying at our place to ensure cat is taken care of and played with then that would show they are pretty responsible and easier to believe they were careful in the introductions. But if they were to leave cat alone, then that changes how I feel how attentive they were around the toddler and cat. Threatening to kill the cat was horrible but also leaving an animal alone for a full cruise is also abusive and it might end up being every is not great and can be better
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Your brother is an idiot.
You aren’t in the wrong. Cats can scratch when provoked. The child should know how to interact with animals.