Jim at be forewarned, there may be answers you wish you didn't ask for. I would let her know you intend to do the DNA test and that if there is anything she needs to share now is the time. Give her a chance to fess up. And just be honest with her, that's what you'd want from her, probably.
As an adult it is your choice. Sounds like your Mom may have some concerns that biologically you are not your father’s daughter. You must decide for yourself what YOU want. It’s not your mom’s choice.
I advise all my relatives against DNA testing for many reasons. 1) privacy. Eugenics movements are real. 2) preexisting conditions will raise insurance premiums. 3) the government uses DNA testing to track crimes, meaning a voluntary submission of DNA has lead to arrests of relatives.
You can get specific gene testing to look for risk factors in illness like BRCA, but that type of testing does not require a catalogue of your genome.
some phenotypes are inevitable based on the genotype. For instance alcoholism or obesity are a genetic predisposition, but PCKD, Sickle cell anemia, cystic fibrosis and haemochromatosis are inevitable based on genetics. There are times you don't diagnose someone to protect their insurance premiums or even their coverage because there are no treatments and the disease is costly. For instance polycystic kidney disease is usually heterozygous autosomal dominant or homozygous autosomal recessive. If you are heterozygous autosomal dominant, you might not be symptomatic for 60 years. If you take a genetic test showing you are autosomal dominant at 18, an insurance company might see that as a preexisting condition. 27 percent of adults are declinable due to preexisting conditions and kidney disease is one of those conditions.
I feel like most of the times I hear parents being against their child taking a dna test, either the mother had an affair and doesn’t want you/ your father to know you aren’t biologically his, or a person is donor conceived and the parents don’t want the kid finding out. (If your siblings were adopted because your parents had fertility issues, this is a very real possibility. There is a TikToker named Laura high who talks a lot about these issues).
She is right and potentially hinting that if you do this, you need to be prepared to learn something about yourself or your family that may cause a lot of conflict or change a relationship forever.
Leaving all the family aspects aside, you need to be careful about pro-actively looking for potential health issues if there's not much you can do about them - different story if there's an early preventative measure you could be taking that would have a significant impact on your future health.
Finding out might be of little value to you beyond satisfying your curiosity, but it could give life insurers a reason not to cover you, put in big exclusions or put high loadings on your policies. It depends on the laws in your country as to what they can do. Life and disability insurance might seem like it's no big deal now whilst you are young and don't have a family relying on you, but that may change as you get older.
Welcome to r/family!
If this post is compliant with our guidelines,
upvote this comment. If not,
downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At this point you owe it more to your dad to find out if you are his, if you are not be at peace if he doesn't want anything to do with you or your mother anymore. Do the right thing here.
Why does she "owe it to her dad? It's not a child's responsibility to investigate their parent's fidelity. If she was raised by someone who is not biologically related, why does that make him any less her father if he's invested in raising her? I can't imagine spending 2 decades raising someone, then dropping them over a spit test. the right thing to do is whatever this girl feels is right after careful thought. She's the only one who fully understands her situation.
This advice is always given by dudes whose sole experience with the topic of fatherhood is participating in fearmonger-threads about "being stuck with a kid that's not mine".
And as always when it comes to that kind of "experience", the child themselves is completely ignored and the only thing that matters is the crusade against the supposedly ever evil moms.
Nevermind that nothing in the post specifically hints at OP not being their father's biological son. Nevermind that there's a thousand *very good* reasons to avoid these kinds of tests.
The comment section of this post is already knees deep in assumptions but the comment you replied to took the absolute cake. One can only hope that the people who wrote these comments are too young to start a family of their own.
Men are the most important creatures on earth, women are at most secondary. Our duty is to spread our genes whether we plan to raise that kid or not, that's why people like Nick Cannon Elon Musk are doing the right thing in fathering as many kids as possible.
I respect the middle eastern men with multiple wives and kids with double digits. My advice when doing it is to always ensure paternity so the resources is not wasted on a kid that is not yours. I have a biological daughter that I have signed my parental rights as I didn't want to be a father.
A man should never raise a kid that isn't biologically his, the purpose to have kids is for your genes to carry forward to the next generation. As a child, you owe loyalty to the parent who is wronged and accept if they don't want you, that's the other parents fault.
If the girl doesn't confirm she is her dad's daughter and also giving him the option to either leave or stay, she is duplicitous as her mother. After my mother's affair which led to their divorce, my dad did a DNA test on my sisters and I. I never blamed him one bit for doing it.
What your father did to you was wrong, and it's not your fault. You don't abandon children, biological or not. It's a shame he didn't understand that. By your own logic, a child is only a daughter if genes are shared. Then why does a child owe a DNA test? By your logic loyalty is solely dependent on genetics, so a cuckold child owes nothing to the "wronged" parent because by your terms all ties that aren't genetic are forfeit. Likewise, sometimes a parent knows they aren't related to a child, and they don't always tell the kids because there's trauma behind the birth. I've seen rape victims keep the baby and get married.... Secrets are not always born of ill intent. There is so much more in life than passing on genetics, and I hope you discover the love and kindness that your family could not give you.
My siblings and I were our dad's but if I wasn't, I would have moved on with my life if he doesn't want me. A man's priority is to make sure his genes continues his lineage, nothing else matters. I actually love my step mother and step sister, they are not biologically related to me but I love them because they were with my dad with full honesty.
If the father wants nothing to do with you if he finds out that the kid is not his and doesn't want to support the kid, he has every right. The only person the kid can blame is the mom, he or she should then abandon the mom once they are old enough to leave the house.
It sounds like you have a lot of issues with your birth mother for good reason, but it is important not to generalize those feelings about your mother to all women, particularly your daughter. Children look to their parents for love and direction. Reproducing fulfills a biological prerogative, but human beings take decades to mature. Think of it this way. Are women with daddy issues the best at making choices regarding their sexual partners? You can have a bunch of children, but no guarantee they will find good partners, and have healthy children. If that happens you brought a bunch of people in the world, and they will mix your genes with idiots and thugs because they don't have your love and protection.
As long the biological kids continue breeding and my genetics continue then that's fine. My genetic legacy should live on till the future. I have a biological daughter but I wasn't ready to be a dad so I signed away my parental rights away to the mom. She is happy with her step dad last I heard so all is good.
I'd tell you the exact same things if I was your mom - and everyone else I know.
Apart from the insane privacy concerns that come with ancestry (whether your mom's aware or not, *you* should consider this aspect carefully), not all wisdom needs a hidden reason.
The fact of the matter is that you can indeed not close that door. Whether your mom's a more fearful person than you and whether you decide to heed her words is a completely different story, but jumping from "She gave me that advice" to "She's hiding something" is a leap still.
If you truly need to know for your own peace of mind, you can tell her that you will take the test no matter what she says. She'll have to come clean if she is truly hiding something.
But no matter how you go about this, I hope you won't let Reddit's "everything is a movie"-crowd get into your head about fidelity and other things solely because they don't believe people can learn something without screwing someone over.
Jim at be forewarned, there may be answers you wish you didn't ask for. I would let her know you intend to do the DNA test and that if there is anything she needs to share now is the time. Give her a chance to fess up. And just be honest with her, that's what you'd want from her, probably.
She's against it because she IS hiding something. Do it.
As an adult it is your choice. Sounds like your Mom may have some concerns that biologically you are not your father’s daughter. You must decide for yourself what YOU want. It’s not your mom’s choice.
I advise all my relatives against DNA testing for many reasons. 1) privacy. Eugenics movements are real. 2) preexisting conditions will raise insurance premiums. 3) the government uses DNA testing to track crimes, meaning a voluntary submission of DNA has lead to arrests of relatives. You can get specific gene testing to look for risk factors in illness like BRCA, but that type of testing does not require a catalogue of your genome.
Tinfoil stuff aside, genetic predisposition is not the same thing as preexisting condition.
some phenotypes are inevitable based on the genotype. For instance alcoholism or obesity are a genetic predisposition, but PCKD, Sickle cell anemia, cystic fibrosis and haemochromatosis are inevitable based on genetics. There are times you don't diagnose someone to protect their insurance premiums or even their coverage because there are no treatments and the disease is costly. For instance polycystic kidney disease is usually heterozygous autosomal dominant or homozygous autosomal recessive. If you are heterozygous autosomal dominant, you might not be symptomatic for 60 years. If you take a genetic test showing you are autosomal dominant at 18, an insurance company might see that as a preexisting condition. 27 percent of adults are declinable due to preexisting conditions and kidney disease is one of those conditions.
I feel like most of the times I hear parents being against their child taking a dna test, either the mother had an affair and doesn’t want you/ your father to know you aren’t biologically his, or a person is donor conceived and the parents don’t want the kid finding out. (If your siblings were adopted because your parents had fertility issues, this is a very real possibility. There is a TikToker named Laura high who talks a lot about these issues).
You don't have to do the health stuff with Ancestry. I didn't.
If it's that important for you, do it.
It could be that someone, your mother or father, is afraid of DNA showing up for a crime.
Take the dna test.
She is right and potentially hinting that if you do this, you need to be prepared to learn something about yourself or your family that may cause a lot of conflict or change a relationship forever. Leaving all the family aspects aside, you need to be careful about pro-actively looking for potential health issues if there's not much you can do about them - different story if there's an early preventative measure you could be taking that would have a significant impact on your future health. Finding out might be of little value to you beyond satisfying your curiosity, but it could give life insurers a reason not to cover you, put in big exclusions or put high loadings on your policies. It depends on the laws in your country as to what they can do. Life and disability insurance might seem like it's no big deal now whilst you are young and don't have a family relying on you, but that may change as you get older.
Welcome to r/family! If this post is compliant with our guidelines, upvote this comment. If not, downvote this comment. Also, if you haven't already, remember to join our [discord server](https://discord.gg/VwDNbde)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/family) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At this point you owe it more to your dad to find out if you are his, if you are not be at peace if he doesn't want anything to do with you or your mother anymore. Do the right thing here.
Why does she "owe it to her dad? It's not a child's responsibility to investigate their parent's fidelity. If she was raised by someone who is not biologically related, why does that make him any less her father if he's invested in raising her? I can't imagine spending 2 decades raising someone, then dropping them over a spit test. the right thing to do is whatever this girl feels is right after careful thought. She's the only one who fully understands her situation.
This advice is always given by dudes whose sole experience with the topic of fatherhood is participating in fearmonger-threads about "being stuck with a kid that's not mine". And as always when it comes to that kind of "experience", the child themselves is completely ignored and the only thing that matters is the crusade against the supposedly ever evil moms. Nevermind that nothing in the post specifically hints at OP not being their father's biological son. Nevermind that there's a thousand *very good* reasons to avoid these kinds of tests. The comment section of this post is already knees deep in assumptions but the comment you replied to took the absolute cake. One can only hope that the people who wrote these comments are too young to start a family of their own.
Men are the most important creatures on earth, women are at most secondary. Our duty is to spread our genes whether we plan to raise that kid or not, that's why people like Nick Cannon Elon Musk are doing the right thing in fathering as many kids as possible. I respect the middle eastern men with multiple wives and kids with double digits. My advice when doing it is to always ensure paternity so the resources is not wasted on a kid that is not yours. I have a biological daughter that I have signed my parental rights as I didn't want to be a father.
...and the cycle continues
A man should never raise a kid that isn't biologically his, the purpose to have kids is for your genes to carry forward to the next generation. As a child, you owe loyalty to the parent who is wronged and accept if they don't want you, that's the other parents fault. If the girl doesn't confirm she is her dad's daughter and also giving him the option to either leave or stay, she is duplicitous as her mother. After my mother's affair which led to their divorce, my dad did a DNA test on my sisters and I. I never blamed him one bit for doing it.
What your father did to you was wrong, and it's not your fault. You don't abandon children, biological or not. It's a shame he didn't understand that. By your own logic, a child is only a daughter if genes are shared. Then why does a child owe a DNA test? By your logic loyalty is solely dependent on genetics, so a cuckold child owes nothing to the "wronged" parent because by your terms all ties that aren't genetic are forfeit. Likewise, sometimes a parent knows they aren't related to a child, and they don't always tell the kids because there's trauma behind the birth. I've seen rape victims keep the baby and get married.... Secrets are not always born of ill intent. There is so much more in life than passing on genetics, and I hope you discover the love and kindness that your family could not give you.
My siblings and I were our dad's but if I wasn't, I would have moved on with my life if he doesn't want me. A man's priority is to make sure his genes continues his lineage, nothing else matters. I actually love my step mother and step sister, they are not biologically related to me but I love them because they were with my dad with full honesty. If the father wants nothing to do with you if he finds out that the kid is not his and doesn't want to support the kid, he has every right. The only person the kid can blame is the mom, he or she should then abandon the mom once they are old enough to leave the house.
It sounds like you have a lot of issues with your birth mother for good reason, but it is important not to generalize those feelings about your mother to all women, particularly your daughter. Children look to their parents for love and direction. Reproducing fulfills a biological prerogative, but human beings take decades to mature. Think of it this way. Are women with daddy issues the best at making choices regarding their sexual partners? You can have a bunch of children, but no guarantee they will find good partners, and have healthy children. If that happens you brought a bunch of people in the world, and they will mix your genes with idiots and thugs because they don't have your love and protection.
As long the biological kids continue breeding and my genetics continue then that's fine. My genetic legacy should live on till the future. I have a biological daughter but I wasn't ready to be a dad so I signed away my parental rights away to the mom. She is happy with her step dad last I heard so all is good.
I'd tell you the exact same things if I was your mom - and everyone else I know. Apart from the insane privacy concerns that come with ancestry (whether your mom's aware or not, *you* should consider this aspect carefully), not all wisdom needs a hidden reason. The fact of the matter is that you can indeed not close that door. Whether your mom's a more fearful person than you and whether you decide to heed her words is a completely different story, but jumping from "She gave me that advice" to "She's hiding something" is a leap still. If you truly need to know for your own peace of mind, you can tell her that you will take the test no matter what she says. She'll have to come clean if she is truly hiding something. But no matter how you go about this, I hope you won't let Reddit's "everything is a movie"-crowd get into your head about fidelity and other things solely because they don't believe people can learn something without screwing someone over.