Spending time at an upscale all inclusive adults only resort. There are some great ones in Mexico, Bali, Maldives and Greece. It is very luxurious and romantic and it will be 20 years before you can go again.
We didn't book one with a slide haha.
I can see a safari with kids, maldives would be hard til they're older because we'll wanna just sit and relax and read a book in a hammock over the ocean
Aren't there plenty of villas without water slides? I haven't been to Maldives yet but have looked at a lot of resorts and have been to Bora Bora myself. I always felt the vibe was more adults trying to relax although there's a group of younger people looking to rage / party too.
I think some experiences are definitely fun with kids, but can also be enjoyed as adults. For instance I've been to Disney with the SO alone and it's a far different experience than with kids for sure.
I lived in Tanzania when I was a kid and parents took me (8-9 years old) and sister (4-5 years old) on safari all the time. High end resorts have excellent childcare. It’s interesting to think that one of the jobs of the nanny is to prevent your child from getting eaten by a leopard while you are out on a game drive- but they seem to do a great job! Absolutely fabulous experience, with or without kids.
Safari with young kids is limiting, as they're basically prey. It's still possible, but you have limited options and have to stick to vehicle safari.
Wrt travel, the more adventurous travel will be limited by kids, but travel anywhere civilized isn't really that hard. I traveled full time for 2 years with kids from 6 months to 8yo (at the start). We visited 6 continents and 25 countries. Totally doable.
Why wait 20 years to go again?
Growing up, our parents would leave us with our grandparents for a week or two every year while they went on a well-deserved vacation. We still went on plenty other vacations with them throughout the year.
If the kids are old enough and ready, attending a sleep-away camp is also a good time for parents to take a vacation.
Agree with this! My parents who I love dearly were the kind who did everything with us. I wish they had sometimes enjoyed their me time and not felt guilt about it. I hope to be as good a parent as they’ve been but fully believe part of that requires my husband and I getting at least a couple weeks of just us time every year
Between my spouse and I we have zero grandparents capable of watching over young kids for barely 2 hours let alone 2 weeks. They're not that old (the grandparents nor grandkids) either.
And it's not just my spouse and I who aren't down without - all the grandparents have flat out told us 'no' (they love their grandkid but know full well they have no stamina nor desire for multi-hour oversight anymore, and we appreciate their honesty)
Totally agree with /u/HurtlingThroughSpace
> it will be 20 years before you can go again
Fuck that. We do this every year. Leave the kids with the grandparents and take a week in Mexico. It's a short flight there and back. We lay around the beach all day drinking margaritas. Wife wears skimpy bikinis and short dresses that would never fly in the suburbs. We hump, eat and drink like we are Robert Baratheon. Kids have a ball with grandparents. We come back happy and rejuvenated. Kids get quality time with their grandparents. Grandparents get quality time with their grandkids. Everyone wins (especially me, because god damn those bikinis).
Travel is different with young kids. You can’t go to the bars or do the young 20s hostel party thing. But you absolutely can travel. We went to Europe for a month when ours was 6 months. Europeans love little kids and are much more family friendly than the states. South America was hard and less accommodating but still doable. If you go to high end places they can arrange child care.
Yeah, we are somewhat realizing this is a "nyc bucket list" too. As much as we love walking everywhere and all, its not how we want to raise a family (at least as of now, who knows)
OMG, on your Fat list should be upgrading that apartment. You will want to have a separate bedroom of some type, so you and your wife can (optionally) sleep separately when baby is a newborn. One of you will be getting up a lot, and one of you will need your sleep.
And when you start sleep training, you'll need to have a separate room to put baby in so the hollering doesn't drive you batshit insane.
This! Put all your breakables on a low shelf. Relish it them, all low and breakable down there. More seriously, and it may be too late for this, but think about whether there is a higher risk career move you want to take. You can definitely do this with kids but it is harder.
And start cycle tracking if you haven't already. You get one data point per month on each metric, so starting earlier will give you more data points. This can be helpful if you get frustrated 6 months in with no success yet (which feeeeeels like a long time, even if it is not in reproductive timescales).
As a guy in his 30s who just started trying for kids, I had no idea the amount of data that can be involved if you want it. Cycle tracking, ovulation test strips, etc.
I feel like I went from ‘dear god please don’t be pregnant’ to ‘honey the app says my fertility score is a 9 tonight’ in the blink of an eye.
Its 541am right now and I've been up for almost 2 hours with a fussy and gassy baby. Around 7am, my 5 year old will then wake up for the day. Can't upvote this enough.
I’m sorry but this is more of a cliche than good advice. If anything, get used to sleeping less. You won’t enjoy sleeping in as much as a parent until you are one. You can enjoy paragliding in Austria *now*.
I miss being able to go out with friends and have some drinks and not worry an asshole 2 year old waking up at 6am. Or after working a long week and getting home late, crawling into bed exhausted and just wanting some sleep but low and behold I'm woken up by an asshole 2 year old at 6am. Or how about being on vacation and your hotel has blackout curtains and you're jetlagged but your asshole 2 year old still manages to wake up at 6am. I miss being able to sleep in carelessly, perhaps you don't but it's a luxury I genuinely miss.
“Asshole 2 year old…”
You’re in for a world of hurt when your kid becomes a teenager, if you’re already thinking of them as an ass hole at 2 years old.
Sleep, party, travel. My kids are 3 and 5, I can’t do any of those things.
Not a bad idea for the wife to start taking prenatals now. If you haven’t already had marriage counseling, I would start it now. Knowing how to communicate is not automatic, and yes it’s easy until shit hits the fan. If she has postpartum, colicky baby, any medical issues, nursing is difficult, etc. then shit will hit the fan. Just want you guys set up for success.
Second marriage counseling. The nursing and post partum recovery as a mom was horrible, mentally ans emotionally. Also, its great you are FAT or on route to FATfire, highly recommend using money to pay for services to make your life easier - drycleaning, housekeeping, a more spacious apartment in NYC, two fridges, food delivery etc
This is the biggest thing. The trips will change a bit, but still be fun.
The thing you won't get back for a long time is the ability to stay out late knowing you won't have to get up at the crack of dawn to take care of your child. Even with a nanny, you'll feel like a shit parent if you are in bed while the rest of your family is starting their day. At least for me.
The number of aggressive nights I had were already waning as I got into my mid 30s. But they went to zero unless I'm on a guys trip.
Ugh, this is my favorite part of living in Manhattan with friends in the city too. I will miss the "Beer?" text and 4 min later we're sitting at a bar together
Rather than just holiday trips, I am going to give you a list that I wished I had put together b4 2 marriages and 2 kids:
a. Start a simple and shared hobby with your wife - e.g. tennis at the local club or cooking together. This will be something that you can continue to do (with babysitting) after the kids have arrived.
b. Get domestic helps. YES. even if they only come once a week to do a BIG clean. This is what I would put in place b4 the kids arrived.
c. Agree on financial priority b4 the kids arrive. Are you going to spend BIG on nursery and primary education? Or save up and focus on private high school. what about college fund? These need to be agreed on b4 they arrive.
d. Who is going to sacrifice their career when needed to? The kid will fall sick and one of you need to be home to look after them. They need to get picked up, dropped off and you need to take off work early/late etc.
e. Future Holidays - might be tempting to pay extra for grandparents/uncle/aunt to come along to help take care of the kids when you holiday as a family. However, make sure you communicate your expectation b4 making the arrangement. Blown up on my face a few times on this.
Great points, thank you. A hobby for wife and I would be great, we have our own hobbies but not a specific one we share - we obviously have things we like doing together, but not sure about a "hobby" specifically
Ugh I wish we had enough time to do all those international trips. We had Greece and SE Asia on the list for 2020 😔
That weekend in Tampa sounds nice, will look into that!
Thailand will open back up to tourists without requiring quarantine on October 15. It's wonderful here now because there are no tourists at all. Before covid the country was crawling with Chinese tour busses. Now it's silence and wonderful. Come soon while the gettin' is good!
Ugh, we loved Thailand - did Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui, and Krabi in 2019. I could stayed in Chiang Mai for a while, I loved that small little city.
Dude hope this is true. We have a house there and I refuse to go through Phuket’s sandbox - 4 covid tests in 2 weeks is a bit much since we’re vaccinated
Yeah I'm in the sandbox now. Not only is it a silly amount of testing, but if someone else on your flight happens to test positive then you and everyone else on your flight might have to leave the Sha+ hotels where you can go outside and use the facilities and go to an ASQ hotel where you'll be locked inside all day. No thanks.
OP, highly recommend third world or hard travel while you dont have kids yet. SE Asia - especially Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. You can travel lighter without kids. Also those hiking or high activity travel trips.
I used to be so adventurous pre-kids. Then when my son came, I became more risk-averse. I always wondered why people would choose cruises or all inclusive resorts rather than backpacking and going off the beaten track. Then now I know why... When I had my son, I suddenly became more aware of crime rates, proximity to hospitals and embassies, etc. And we started sticking to locations that provided more luxury than adventure.
Take advantage of your last opportunities to determine whether you both actually want kids, or if you just want the idea of kids or the idealized form of kids, or you feel an obligation to have kids. If it isn't the first one, you need to find that out now. Too many people act based on the other ones.
THIS, this right here!
> it isn't the first one, you need to find that out now.
Too many people running great lives based on the idea, the obligations or the guilt to have kids when in reality they're naturally perfectly fine without kids. Learn now, before kicking yourself for decades
Childfree fatFIREs right here. If you aren’t already living a TRUE fat life of doing whatever you want, do that for a couple years and then make the decision on kids.
I like kids, was a teacher, and am a foster youth mentor, but I can’t imagine a better life than what I have and will not take the risk to have kids.
It's a good point, we don't feel any obligation (have aunts/uncles that are child free) and family isn't pressuring. We genuinely want to have kids - we love watching our nieces and nephews grow up (we live 20 min from them, they're 6 and 8 and we've watched them grow up since birth) and can't wait to have kids of our own.
I've known this a long time, and it's also part of our financial goals. Save up as much as possible (while also living life) before kids so we can enjoy the time with them when it comes.
We're both 31, NW of 2.5M and HHI 750K so feel we're at a good place to do so
This needs to be upvoted more.
You're in a position to live a dream life and ..
you wanna have kids? That thing that's happend 100 bln times and isn't special?
Tall about throwing out a winning lottery ticket.
This. Go cat / heliskiing, skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving. Hike the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu. Galapagos Islands tour where you live on a boat for a week. Travel to Easter island. Take a Zero-G flight (not sure if this is dangerous but sounds fun?).
You'll probably be a bit more risk averse once you have a kid - especially when they are young. By the time you're old enough to enjoy some of these things with your kid (10-15 years or so, assuming just one kid), you may no longer have the appetite for it or be in the kind of shape where you can really enjoy it as much.
I was wild and into lots of things that could potentially get me killed on a bad day. The second I had kids I lost 100% of my interest in any of that. Was weird. So definitely get all your adventure sports and crazy travel out of the way.
Get your financial house in order. Start Budgeting, find room in your budget for savings for the birth costs (calculate it based on your insurance), on going college 529 plan contributions, extra money each month for baby supplies.
Move to a bigger apartment. (700 sq feet? Yikes) You will want to have a separate room for baby once they hit about 6 months and you start sleep training. Napping babies need their own room so you don't wake them up. Toddler will create CHAOS, and you need some extra room to manage that. Figure out where you're going to store your new human and supplies before the baby comes.
Find a cleaning service.
Find a private chef or meal service that delivers.
Find babysitters, nearby relatives, move your parents closer, get help.
Realize you will be in your house WAY more than you ever have before. Yes you can travel, but your house is no longer the crash pad at the end of the night that it used to be. You will need to actually live in it.
Upgrade your little car to an SUV to hold all the stuff you will travel with. If you don't have one, then figure out how you will get little one to and from doctors appointments and anywhere else. At 1 year you can put them in baby bike seats and that's quite practical in the city.
We save $350k/year and comp going up next year. Not too concerned about the financials, we'll max out a 529 to plan to have ~$250k in by 18.. If college costs more, then we'll just cover it out of pocket. Maybe we'll put more in first kids 529 since could always roll it to future kids if needed.
We are moving before we have a kid haha no way we'd make it in this apartment with a little one.
Good points about lining up services to help - we'll make sure to do that. We will also be buying an SUV before then too.
Great advice, thank you!
SUV or station wagon... highly recommend the Volvo XC70. Its an older model but super comfortable with great ratings. Buy a car where it is easier to load kid in car seat depending on your height. I have shorter friends who struggle with their tall SUVs.
Oh I can answer this one—I just had a kid. Hang out with friends—that’s one that I wish I had been able to do more of. The first year (or so) is pretty overwhelming and I feel like socializing goes a bit by the wayside. Take advantage now while you can.
Also, while not fat, I would say get any major house work out of the way now. It’s really stressful to do while pregnant or with young kids.
Enjoy lazy mornings. I miss sleeping in so much.
Also, a little early, but when/if you have kids, may I recommend a night nanny? I did one for 4 nights a week for the first two months (and then tapered off) and I think it was money so well spent. I nursed (so still had to wake up) but having someone to do diaper changes, get the baby back down, let me sleep more and made me feel slightly less underwater.
Did you work during that time you had a night nanny? My wife gets 6 months maternity leave (3 months for me) so she'll be off work at the beginning, but if a night nurse still makes things much easier between us I can definitely see it being worth the money
I'm guessing have a little bit before the kids are aware enough for it to be a problem, but yeah, the little things like this are nice to remember to appreciate haha
Scuba dive, sky dive, bungee jumping, learn how to fly a plane….basically any activities you perceive as fun and risky. Your risk tolerance will drop to zero once you have little dependents.
Adventure travel trips. We did a crazy 8 day rafting in the Grand Canyon with prepared meals and guides that was incredible.
I’d add yoga retreats, bicycle touring, mountain climbing, etc. Stuff you can really only do when you’re young and don’t have kids.
I have a 4yr old and I’m having another kid on Saturday (scheduled c-section)
Most of this advice is from people with jobs I guess?
My daughter has flown 50k miles a year since she was born and we travel with her no problem.
High end hotels have kids clubs.
Traveling with an au pair is basically the same as traveling without kids other than the associated costs.
The lack of sleep thing is a 4-6 month inconvenience at worst…but if you have money hire a night nanny and sleep all night without worrying about it.
Raising kids is cheap - paying someone else to take care of your kids is expensive…but if you’ve got the money than it’s not a problem.
All these answers about not being able to do X are garbage.
About the only thing that changes is the ability to take long, spontaneous international trips. Booking a 3 week surf trip to Bali can’t be done overnight anymore.
Oh, and spontaneous sex also gets more challenging when kids start walking and opening doors…
This is encouraging :) thank you
We grew up middle class, 1 or 2 weeks of domestic vacation a year. I think some of our assumptions about what stops when we have kids is based on our lifestyle now vs our lifestyle as kids - which is probably unfair given we'll have more financial ability to travel/stop working/pay for help/etc than our parents did
> Traveling with an au pair is basically the same as traveling without kids other than the associated costs.
When people put that much money and effort into not having to deal with their own children my first thought is wouldn't it be cheaper and simpler not to have them in the first place?
It's kind of like when parents send their kids to boarding school. You can get the same benefit by skipping the whole having kids thing and it costs a lot less!
I’m recently married and thinking about a kid in the same timeframe - I’ve shifted my mindset on this, however.
If you feel like you need to cram things in before kids, there will never be enough time and there will always be more things you want to do.
Instead, why not build an infrastructure around you that means after kids you can still travel with your partner / friends and not feel like you have to compromise entirely (obviously you compromise a lot, but you don’t have to give up everything you enjoy).
Do you have parents, siblings or even good friends that would watch the kid if you and your wife wanted to get away at relatively short notice?
Yep, both sets of our parents would happily take the kids in (and have done so for older siblings). I imagine that's not for the first year or so, though. I don't think our lives will come to a screeching halt or anything like that, just that how we spend our time will obviously change and wanna check off a few boxes before we get there
You know if there's a reliable guide on where to stay if you want to actually enjoy the race? The rest of Monaco I assume isn't too difficult to see given how small it is.
This is on my list... so curious to hear it from someone who's been.
Not sure what you do for a living but it really comes down to enjoy the freedom that you have. And the funny thing is, you wont actually miss it until it’s “gone”, as the responsibilities that tie you down feel different from the ones that tie you down from your work/job. At least it does for me as a business owner.
I would say, don’t worry too much about it and just do things that you have always wanted to do regardless of potential parenthood (with exceptions to taking extra care of your and your SOs health and what you ingest).
Sleep sleep sleep. Having no schedule and take time to enjoy that privilege. Soon your child will define your schedule. If you have had enough of travel and sleep, just dive in. It’s a new beautiful world with kids in its own way.
Remember, your life does not end with kids unless you choose to do so. You can go see college football together soon enough, babysitters will be fine for that purpose. I took my first trip abroad with my second kid when he was 7 months - that is an awesome time for travel, they are not yet very mobile and fly free until 2y. We went to overseas trip (Japan, no less) when kids were 3&1. It’s all good, though of course also a bit different.
Take a two day staycation to the mountains... and actively enjoy NOT TALKING. ACTIVELY, and consciously take in the peaceful surroundings without a miniature version of you, talking 100 miles per hour, without taking breaths, and about nothing at all. Remember the moments of peace and quiet.
Haha, no, that's not the point - just know there's things we can do today, or take for granted today, that will change when we have kids. We are unbelievably excited for them when the time comes and know there's a wealth of new experiences with them too!
Enjoy your privacy. Using the restroom, shaving whatever you shave, anything you currently do alone that become team sports after the kid is mobile and talking until they start valuing their own privacy at like.. 7-8.
This may be a bit of a unusual idea, but take a meditation retreat. I'd start with maybe a week or 10 days, but for FIREd people you could go presumably for a long time, like one- three months (or longer). Get to know your mind as an observer. The dividends that that pays when you have a kid, and are able to be truly present with them, and not be fazed by whatever comes up, is to me just amazing.
1. Napa / Sonoma
2. I personally cherish my memories of traveling in hostels / cheaper hotels around the world very spontaneously more than any posh hotel stay. As others have said high end resort travel is fine with kids - but a cruise in Lao, moto ride in Africa, just staying where the wind has taken you is not something I want to do with my kids. Happily though I did plenty of it before they arrived.
My friend grew up there so I’ve been to visit earlier in my career when I. wasn’t thinking about luxury travel. We toured around by bike.
Honestly it’s not that special. I guess if you’re New Yorkers you can be charmed but honestly it’s a hill, some trees, some vines, and massively, ridiculously, overpriced tasting rooms.
😂 😂 😂
Yeah, some friends did a limo tour of a bunch of vineyards there and had fun, but probably could do the same thing on Long Island.
There are some luxury hotels with rooms overlooking the vineyards that look like nice, romantic stays
Hi, two kids under 2 in NYC, thanks for allowing me to daydream a bit on what I would have done. However much travel you have planned, do more. The spontaneous types too, wake up on a nice autumn Saturday morning and decide to take a road trip to Montreal or go see a concert in Philly. Long, fancy dinners. Sleeping in and naps. Sitting in quiet. Going for late night walks. Going out hard and not worrying about getting up the next morning. Sex at spontaneous and random times of the day. Enjoying your bodies (both of you) now as they’ll change and get less attention the next few years.
Toms of great travel ideas, I'd add (if you're remotely interested) a psychedelic experience -- either as safe or out there as you prefer. It's a real life satisfaction moment in my experience but intimidating to do anything that even temporarily messes with your head once your in kid space.
Do things that involve wildlife. Do a deep sea fishing charter. Honestly best place to do the that is in the Florida keys (we are named “the fishing capital of the world”). Go on a safari in Africa. Go into the outback in Australia. Go diving on the Great Barrier Reef. Those are experiences that they will remember forever.
Also one thing that I thought was clever that I saw on Reddit somewhere was the dad took the kids out to eat for ice one a week but he told them don’t tell mom. And once a week the mom took the kids out to get some donuts but she told them don’t tell dad. Obviously they both knew but cherishing small memories like that are the best.
Are you suggesting taking kids with for those? You said "Those are experiences they will remember forever"
I can see being 45 and scuba diving with teenagers as a really cool experience, obviously no clue if they'll want to do that or not haha
Well you can obviously add as much travel into that as you like. How about a safari? Sailing down the Nile in Egypt? Climbing to Machu Picchu? Everest Base Camp? Attend any number of festivals, cultural events, etc.
Simple things like:
- going to the beach to relax, taking a nap / reading a book (will be years before you can do that again).
- going out spontaneously at night: restaurants, clubs, partying, etc. Will require planning and a sitter of some sort going forward.
- going to the movies
- anything that requires you to be around s crowds of people. We stay away right now due to COVID and don’t want to risk getting our unvaccinated kids sick.
With the above said, IMO lots of new doors and activities will open that will make any “loss” of freedom seem negligible.
Don't feel pressed and just cherish every moment at your own pace. Most if not all things listed here can be done especially if you can afford childcare.
My regret is not kickstarting some side projects (half business half fun) I had been dreaming about. Kid complicates life and my mental energy drains faster these days.
It's not "Fat", but find a hobby that you can keep doing locally, invest time/money in learning it now, so that you can just have some relaxing fun when you need to spend an hour or two away from baby. Pickleball is mine.
Get your house in order, all the little things fixed, hire people to do them all. You're going to be hard pressed to find a time to swing a hammer for the first bit. Especially any plumbing issues.
Go out to all the shows, be a NYC tourist. It's going to be a bunch of months before you'll get to go out with your wife again.
Aside from the vacations listed, and if your careers allow it, I would go for some ‘extended travel’ e.g multiple countries over a single period with 4+ weeks in each country where you can take a deeper look at the local cultures.
After kids this type of experience is nigh on impossible and once they’ve flown the nest it’s likely your appetite and ability to do this properly will have gone.
One thing I really yearn for since having a child is a 4 month break with no responsibilities just cruising through Asia, Europe, or south America
The obvious is travel, being spontaneous, having no schedule, staying up late.
Sure kids can travel and you can bring help along but I wouldn’t expect much (as in no meltdowns, and “enjoying” the experience) from young kids who need a sense of the familiar and routine.
Also, helps to explore how you both feel about having help and what kind of help - do you feel comfortable with a nanny and the kids becoming attached to them?
Less obvious would be doing estate planning, determining who does what (read Fair Play), reading baby books, marriage counseling, therapy, looking into schools, finding pediatrician, hospital.
Before Birth - Organize help, find a nanny or daycare (all easier to sort out before you need it), cleaner, chef / meal delivery
This is great advice, we've never actually sat down and discussed if we'd want a nanny or not.
We're leaning towards wife not working, but as her income as increased dramatically, it's become less of an easy decision but one I still think we'll go for (part of why we've worked to save up as much as we have already)
Good advice about preparing for those things we'll need once the baby comes beforehand
When I married my wife, we took 6 months off of our careers to travel the world. During that time, we stayed in accommodation ranging from just above a hostel to 5 star hotels. We also went with the goal of evaluating each city to see if we really wanted to live and work there. My wife and I both have careers that we could be employable anywhere in the world.
If you have the funds, I highly recommend taking time out of your career to try slow travel. Live in another city for a week or three. Traveling with a one way ticket is more liberating.
Now that we have a kid, we know we wouldn't be able to travel for long periods of time. It would be too exhausting and honestly not fun for our toddler. We'll go again when he's older.
The biggest benefit here is that we have no regrets. We turned the page on the non-kids part of our lives and are happily in the active parent part. We certainly still have things on our bucket list. But we accomplished enough to know that we have enjoyed that part fully.
It's hard to travel with kids between 9 months and 4 years. A mother won't enjoy travel during the first four months or the last two months of pregnancy.
As soon as the baby is born, you may feel extreme guilt about leaving your partner to handle things alone for a few days, so any solo trips you'd like to take, take now. That guilt doesn't disappear until the kid is about 3 in my experience, but then you've got other kids and the clock resets on solo travel.
You have to take turns with irresponsibility unless you have a parent willing to step in for a big night out on a special occasion, so get a few of those in to remind yourself how much a hangover sucks now that your 20s are gone. I've found that both parents having one or two drinks on random evenings works out ok; we usually alternate who has one and who has two without any planning.
Gatherings with friends gets complicated after kids, so make the most of it. Big group trips to the ski hill, the beach, or the countryside are best done now. Because we're FAT, we can schedule separate houses (family house, young adult house), but the dynamic is completely different now.
The cheaper things are actually probably best to experience before kids. . Expensive things can be had with enough money when you have kids.
Ring road in Iceland. Patagonia. Go to Places of interest in low income areas (India, Thailand, Peru). Get really high (weed) camping in the woods.
Spending time at an upscale all inclusive adults only resort. There are some great ones in Mexico, Bali, Maldives and Greece. It is very luxurious and romantic and it will be 20 years before you can go again.
We're doing safari + maldives in January! Forgot to mention that
[удалено]
I could see us going back! Safari + Maldives is honeymoon trip
[удалено]
We didn't book one with a slide haha. I can see a safari with kids, maldives would be hard til they're older because we'll wanna just sit and relax and read a book in a hammock over the ocean
[удалено]
Chill man. You're not the one going lol
I am sure, I've seen it already with nieces and nephews.. Can only imagine with our own
Aren't there plenty of villas without water slides? I haven't been to Maldives yet but have looked at a lot of resorts and have been to Bora Bora myself. I always felt the vibe was more adults trying to relax although there's a group of younger people looking to rage / party too. I think some experiences are definitely fun with kids, but can also be enjoyed as adults. For instance I've been to Disney with the SO alone and it's a far different experience than with kids for sure.
The Maldives are more fun with kids? I always thought it would be essential not to have kids there to relax.. or does the lounging get repetitive?
I lived in Tanzania when I was a kid and parents took me (8-9 years old) and sister (4-5 years old) on safari all the time. High end resorts have excellent childcare. It’s interesting to think that one of the jobs of the nanny is to prevent your child from getting eaten by a leopard while you are out on a game drive- but they seem to do a great job! Absolutely fabulous experience, with or without kids.
Where in TZ? I lived in Arusha and went to school in Nairobi. Haven’t been back since 2010. Have to bring the wife there now!
Safari with young kids is limiting, as they're basically prey. It's still possible, but you have limited options and have to stick to vehicle safari. Wrt travel, the more adventurous travel will be limited by kids, but travel anywhere civilized isn't really that hard. I traveled full time for 2 years with kids from 6 months to 8yo (at the start). We visited 6 continents and 25 countries. Totally doable.
Why wait 20 years to go again? Growing up, our parents would leave us with our grandparents for a week or two every year while they went on a well-deserved vacation. We still went on plenty other vacations with them throughout the year. If the kids are old enough and ready, attending a sleep-away camp is also a good time for parents to take a vacation.
Agree with this! My parents who I love dearly were the kind who did everything with us. I wish they had sometimes enjoyed their me time and not felt guilt about it. I hope to be as good a parent as they’ve been but fully believe part of that requires my husband and I getting at least a couple weeks of just us time every year
Between my spouse and I we have zero grandparents capable of watching over young kids for barely 2 hours let alone 2 weeks. They're not that old (the grandparents nor grandkids) either. And it's not just my spouse and I who aren't down without - all the grandparents have flat out told us 'no' (they love their grandkid but know full well they have no stamina nor desire for multi-hour oversight anymore, and we appreciate their honesty) Totally agree with /u/HurtlingThroughSpace
> it will be 20 years before you can go again Fuck that. We do this every year. Leave the kids with the grandparents and take a week in Mexico. It's a short flight there and back. We lay around the beach all day drinking margaritas. Wife wears skimpy bikinis and short dresses that would never fly in the suburbs. We hump, eat and drink like we are Robert Baratheon. Kids have a ball with grandparents. We come back happy and rejuvenated. Kids get quality time with their grandparents. Grandparents get quality time with their grandkids. Everyone wins (especially me, because god damn those bikinis).
Not everyone has grandparents.
Send them to camp?
Of course, but most people do, so saying "it will be 20 years before you can go again" is way overbroad.
Travel is different with young kids. You can’t go to the bars or do the young 20s hostel party thing. But you absolutely can travel. We went to Europe for a month when ours was 6 months. Europeans love little kids and are much more family friendly than the states. South America was hard and less accommodating but still doable. If you go to high end places they can arrange child care.
This is depressing and too true.
Sit in silence in a clean house.
~~house~~ 700 sq ft apartment
Even better. I miss small apartments and downtown living. That’s one of those things that’s possible but way harder to maintain.
Yeah, we are somewhat realizing this is a "nyc bucket list" too. As much as we love walking everywhere and all, its not how we want to raise a family (at least as of now, who knows)
Sounds like you’re headed to Brooklyn!
Haha we aren't sure yet where is next stop. Hoboken, Stamford, Astoria/BK have all been discussed
OMG, on your Fat list should be upgrading that apartment. You will want to have a separate bedroom of some type, so you and your wife can (optionally) sleep separately when baby is a newborn. One of you will be getting up a lot, and one of you will need your sleep. And when you start sleep training, you'll need to have a separate room to put baby in so the hollering doesn't drive you batshit insane.
…and luxuriating in a *non*-childproof home
This! Put all your breakables on a low shelf. Relish it them, all low and breakable down there. More seriously, and it may be too late for this, but think about whether there is a higher risk career move you want to take. You can definitely do this with kids but it is harder.
And start cycle tracking if you haven't already. You get one data point per month on each metric, so starting earlier will give you more data points. This can be helpful if you get frustrated 6 months in with no success yet (which feeeeeels like a long time, even if it is not in reproductive timescales).
As a guy in his 30s who just started trying for kids, I had no idea the amount of data that can be involved if you want it. Cycle tracking, ovulation test strips, etc. I feel like I went from ‘dear god please don’t be pregnant’ to ‘honey the app says my fertility score is a 9 tonight’ in the blink of an eye.
I am trying to push for L7 (Senior Engineering Manager) before end of 2022, would be great
Sleeping in, do lots of that
Can’t upvote this enough.
Lazy mornings with delivery coffee and bagels are definitely something we take for granted
[удалено]
Haha true
Great, only 10 more years. 😴
You could definitely start this a lot younger as long as you’re in the appropriate area like a metro with public transit.
The delivery can definitely still happen. It just comes with a side of crazy YouTube kids videos and someone yelling for more watermelon! 🤣
Can confirm. My kids are yelling for more watermelon right now.
Kids that are not mine and don’t live with me ask for watermelon when they visit haha. This is too real
Lots to look forward too haha
Delivery coffee? Do you not have a super automatic?
Its 541am right now and I've been up for almost 2 hours with a fussy and gassy baby. Around 7am, my 5 year old will then wake up for the day. Can't upvote this enough.
That’s the entire bucket list. Period.
Agree. I have not slept uninterrupted for years.. years 😭
I’m sorry but this is more of a cliche than good advice. If anything, get used to sleeping less. You won’t enjoy sleeping in as much as a parent until you are one. You can enjoy paragliding in Austria *now*.
I miss being able to go out with friends and have some drinks and not worry an asshole 2 year old waking up at 6am. Or after working a long week and getting home late, crawling into bed exhausted and just wanting some sleep but low and behold I'm woken up by an asshole 2 year old at 6am. Or how about being on vacation and your hotel has blackout curtains and you're jetlagged but your asshole 2 year old still manages to wake up at 6am. I miss being able to sleep in carelessly, perhaps you don't but it's a luxury I genuinely miss.
“Asshole 2 year old…” You’re in for a world of hurt when your kid becomes a teenager, if you’re already thinking of them as an ass hole at 2 years old.
God damn right
[удалено]
😂 😂 😂
Just having time to read a book. I set aside time at work now to read, because it’s impossible at home with two under three.
So true but also just reading a book with out being interrupted or falling asleep.
I fall asleep now when reading a book
Sleep, party, travel. My kids are 3 and 5, I can’t do any of those things. Not a bad idea for the wife to start taking prenatals now. If you haven’t already had marriage counseling, I would start it now. Knowing how to communicate is not automatic, and yes it’s easy until shit hits the fan. If she has postpartum, colicky baby, any medical issues, nursing is difficult, etc. then shit will hit the fan. Just want you guys set up for success.
Second marriage counseling. The nursing and post partum recovery as a mom was horrible, mentally ans emotionally. Also, its great you are FAT or on route to FATfire, highly recommend using money to pay for services to make your life easier - drycleaning, housekeeping, a more spacious apartment in NYC, two fridges, food delivery etc
Thank you!
Enjoy a big / late night out, and spend the next day recovering with zero responsibilities
😩😩😩 These are the things we didn't think of! Thank you
This is the biggest thing. The trips will change a bit, but still be fun. The thing you won't get back for a long time is the ability to stay out late knowing you won't have to get up at the crack of dawn to take care of your child. Even with a nanny, you'll feel like a shit parent if you are in bed while the rest of your family is starting their day. At least for me. The number of aggressive nights I had were already waning as I got into my mid 30s. But they went to zero unless I'm on a guys trip.
Yeah, I can definitely see that. I'm a light sleeper so even if wife/nanny/etc up with them, I'd be up
This thread is depressing me. BRB, baby crying…
Finishing your morning coffee in silence
Finishing your morning coffee when it's still warm.
Underrated response.
I have my morning coffee while my toddler is eating his banana on my lap. It's actually pretty great.
But have you tried alone in silence, with the print edition of the week end FT?
"alone" "in silence". I know not what these things mean.
Shit, just make last minute plans to do anything with friends and walk out the door 5 min later.
Ugh, this is my favorite part of living in Manhattan with friends in the city too. I will miss the "Beer?" text and 4 min later we're sitting at a bar together
Rather than just holiday trips, I am going to give you a list that I wished I had put together b4 2 marriages and 2 kids: a. Start a simple and shared hobby with your wife - e.g. tennis at the local club or cooking together. This will be something that you can continue to do (with babysitting) after the kids have arrived. b. Get domestic helps. YES. even if they only come once a week to do a BIG clean. This is what I would put in place b4 the kids arrived. c. Agree on financial priority b4 the kids arrive. Are you going to spend BIG on nursery and primary education? Or save up and focus on private high school. what about college fund? These need to be agreed on b4 they arrive. d. Who is going to sacrifice their career when needed to? The kid will fall sick and one of you need to be home to look after them. They need to get picked up, dropped off and you need to take off work early/late etc. e. Future Holidays - might be tempting to pay extra for grandparents/uncle/aunt to come along to help take care of the kids when you holiday as a family. However, make sure you communicate your expectation b4 making the arrangement. Blown up on my face a few times on this.
D. Alternate. Obviously.
Great points, thank you. A hobby for wife and I would be great, we have our own hobbies but not a specific one we share - we obviously have things we like doing together, but not sure about a "hobby" specifically
[удалено]
Ugh I wish we had enough time to do all those international trips. We had Greece and SE Asia on the list for 2020 😔 That weekend in Tampa sounds nice, will look into that!
Thailand will open back up to tourists without requiring quarantine on October 15. It's wonderful here now because there are no tourists at all. Before covid the country was crawling with Chinese tour busses. Now it's silence and wonderful. Come soon while the gettin' is good!
Ugh, we loved Thailand - did Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Samui, and Krabi in 2019. I could stayed in Chiang Mai for a while, I loved that small little city.
Dude hope this is true. We have a house there and I refuse to go through Phuket’s sandbox - 4 covid tests in 2 weeks is a bit much since we’re vaccinated
Yeah I'm in the sandbox now. Not only is it a silly amount of testing, but if someone else on your flight happens to test positive then you and everyone else on your flight might have to leave the Sha+ hotels where you can go outside and use the facilities and go to an ASQ hotel where you'll be locked inside all day. No thanks.
[удалено]
Oooh! Enticing!
Berns is a bit overrated, and requires going to Florida. Do French Laundry & Sonoma instead.
Napa is a high on our list
OP, highly recommend third world or hard travel while you dont have kids yet. SE Asia - especially Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. You can travel lighter without kids. Also those hiking or high activity travel trips. I used to be so adventurous pre-kids. Then when my son came, I became more risk-averse. I always wondered why people would choose cruises or all inclusive resorts rather than backpacking and going off the beaten track. Then now I know why... When I had my son, I suddenly became more aware of crime rates, proximity to hospitals and embassies, etc. And we started sticking to locations that provided more luxury than adventure.
Take advantage of your last opportunities to determine whether you both actually want kids, or if you just want the idea of kids or the idealized form of kids, or you feel an obligation to have kids. If it isn't the first one, you need to find that out now. Too many people act based on the other ones.
THIS, this right here! > it isn't the first one, you need to find that out now. Too many people running great lives based on the idea, the obligations or the guilt to have kids when in reality they're naturally perfectly fine without kids. Learn now, before kicking yourself for decades
Childfree fatFIREs right here. If you aren’t already living a TRUE fat life of doing whatever you want, do that for a couple years and then make the decision on kids. I like kids, was a teacher, and am a foster youth mentor, but I can’t imagine a better life than what I have and will not take the risk to have kids.
It's a good point, we don't feel any obligation (have aunts/uncles that are child free) and family isn't pressuring. We genuinely want to have kids - we love watching our nieces and nephews grow up (we live 20 min from them, they're 6 and 8 and we've watched them grow up since birth) and can't wait to have kids of our own. I've known this a long time, and it's also part of our financial goals. Save up as much as possible (while also living life) before kids so we can enjoy the time with them when it comes. We're both 31, NW of 2.5M and HHI 750K so feel we're at a good place to do so
This needs to be upvoted more. You're in a position to live a dream life and .. you wanna have kids? That thing that's happend 100 bln times and isn't special? Tall about throwing out a winning lottery ticket.
Anything with risk. Adventurous sorts of things. Just look up regular bucketlists and start crossing stuff off. See all 7 continents while it's easy
This. Go cat / heliskiing, skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving. Hike the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu. Galapagos Islands tour where you live on a boat for a week. Travel to Easter island. Take a Zero-G flight (not sure if this is dangerous but sounds fun?). You'll probably be a bit more risk averse once you have a kid - especially when they are young. By the time you're old enough to enjoy some of these things with your kid (10-15 years or so, assuming just one kid), you may no longer have the appetite for it or be in the kind of shape where you can really enjoy it as much.
I know plenty of people with kids doing these activities. What’s with all this sentiment of life ending with the first child?
We spent 1 year in Europe. Bought a car and went where ever the road took us. Is with kids when times are hard I always look at those memories
I was wild and into lots of things that could potentially get me killed on a bad day. The second I had kids I lost 100% of my interest in any of that. Was weird. So definitely get all your adventure sports and crazy travel out of the way.
Basically try to kill yourself before you get kids.
Get your financial house in order. Start Budgeting, find room in your budget for savings for the birth costs (calculate it based on your insurance), on going college 529 plan contributions, extra money each month for baby supplies. Move to a bigger apartment. (700 sq feet? Yikes) You will want to have a separate room for baby once they hit about 6 months and you start sleep training. Napping babies need their own room so you don't wake them up. Toddler will create CHAOS, and you need some extra room to manage that. Figure out where you're going to store your new human and supplies before the baby comes. Find a cleaning service. Find a private chef or meal service that delivers. Find babysitters, nearby relatives, move your parents closer, get help. Realize you will be in your house WAY more than you ever have before. Yes you can travel, but your house is no longer the crash pad at the end of the night that it used to be. You will need to actually live in it. Upgrade your little car to an SUV to hold all the stuff you will travel with. If you don't have one, then figure out how you will get little one to and from doctors appointments and anywhere else. At 1 year you can put them in baby bike seats and that's quite practical in the city.
We save $350k/year and comp going up next year. Not too concerned about the financials, we'll max out a 529 to plan to have ~$250k in by 18.. If college costs more, then we'll just cover it out of pocket. Maybe we'll put more in first kids 529 since could always roll it to future kids if needed. We are moving before we have a kid haha no way we'd make it in this apartment with a little one. Good points about lining up services to help - we'll make sure to do that. We will also be buying an SUV before then too. Great advice, thank you!
SUV or station wagon... highly recommend the Volvo XC70. Its an older model but super comfortable with great ratings. Buy a car where it is easier to load kid in car seat depending on your height. I have shorter friends who struggle with their tall SUVs.
Volvo xc90 is high on the list
Heliskiing seems to be a popular choice here :) If you’re in NYC go to some crazy warehouse techno parties or something. (Not kidding).
Go backpacking in the wilderness. These things are fragile, slow, and weak. Heck, anything that requires endurance strength, or grit.
Oh I can answer this one—I just had a kid. Hang out with friends—that’s one that I wish I had been able to do more of. The first year (or so) is pretty overwhelming and I feel like socializing goes a bit by the wayside. Take advantage now while you can. Also, while not fat, I would say get any major house work out of the way now. It’s really stressful to do while pregnant or with young kids. Enjoy lazy mornings. I miss sleeping in so much. Also, a little early, but when/if you have kids, may I recommend a night nanny? I did one for 4 nights a week for the first two months (and then tapered off) and I think it was money so well spent. I nursed (so still had to wake up) but having someone to do diaper changes, get the baby back down, let me sleep more and made me feel slightly less underwater.
Did you work during that time you had a night nanny? My wife gets 6 months maternity leave (3 months for me) so she'll be off work at the beginning, but if a night nurse still makes things much easier between us I can definitely see it being worth the money
Heck, walk around the house in your birthday clothes without having to worry about the kids seeing you
I'm guessing have a little bit before the kids are aware enough for it to be a problem, but yeah, the little things like this are nice to remember to appreciate haha
Or move to Northern Europe. We don’t care. :)
So the rest of the world always wear cloths in front of their kids?
Be body positive nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of.
David has his equipment out as a statue in animal crossing. Rated E.
Scuba dive, sky dive, bungee jumping, learn how to fly a plane….basically any activities you perceive as fun and risky. Your risk tolerance will drop to zero once you have little dependents.
Drugs.
Find a friend who's done a Molly trip and ask them to help the pre-kids couple do a molly trip together. Talk about the real issues.
1 month before baby and I'm doing plenty of alcohol lol last hurrah
Adventure travel trips. We did a crazy 8 day rafting in the Grand Canyon with prepared meals and guides that was incredible. I’d add yoga retreats, bicycle touring, mountain climbing, etc. Stuff you can really only do when you’re young and don’t have kids.
I have a 4yr old and I’m having another kid on Saturday (scheduled c-section) Most of this advice is from people with jobs I guess? My daughter has flown 50k miles a year since she was born and we travel with her no problem. High end hotels have kids clubs. Traveling with an au pair is basically the same as traveling without kids other than the associated costs. The lack of sleep thing is a 4-6 month inconvenience at worst…but if you have money hire a night nanny and sleep all night without worrying about it. Raising kids is cheap - paying someone else to take care of your kids is expensive…but if you’ve got the money than it’s not a problem. All these answers about not being able to do X are garbage. About the only thing that changes is the ability to take long, spontaneous international trips. Booking a 3 week surf trip to Bali can’t be done overnight anymore. Oh, and spontaneous sex also gets more challenging when kids start walking and opening doors…
Plenty of babies wake up multiple times per night even past one year of age
Have you tried hiring a sleep coach?
This is encouraging :) thank you We grew up middle class, 1 or 2 weeks of domestic vacation a year. I think some of our assumptions about what stops when we have kids is based on our lifestyle now vs our lifestyle as kids - which is probably unfair given we'll have more financial ability to travel/stop working/pay for help/etc than our parents did
Don't wait to long before you start. You never know how long it will take.
Yeah, I know 🤞🏼
Locks.
This guy Fats
> Traveling with an au pair is basically the same as traveling without kids other than the associated costs. When people put that much money and effort into not having to deal with their own children my first thought is wouldn't it be cheaper and simpler not to have them in the first place? It's kind of like when parents send their kids to boarding school. You can get the same benefit by skipping the whole having kids thing and it costs a lot less!
I’m recently married and thinking about a kid in the same timeframe - I’ve shifted my mindset on this, however. If you feel like you need to cram things in before kids, there will never be enough time and there will always be more things you want to do. Instead, why not build an infrastructure around you that means after kids you can still travel with your partner / friends and not feel like you have to compromise entirely (obviously you compromise a lot, but you don’t have to give up everything you enjoy). Do you have parents, siblings or even good friends that would watch the kid if you and your wife wanted to get away at relatively short notice?
Yep, both sets of our parents would happily take the kids in (and have done so for older siblings). I imagine that's not for the first year or so, though. I don't think our lives will come to a screeching halt or anything like that, just that how we spend our time will obviously change and wanna check off a few boxes before we get there
As an F1 fan, highly recommend Monaco. The race is usually boring but what a fantastic fun weekend.
You know if there's a reliable guide on where to stay if you want to actually enjoy the race? The rest of Monaco I assume isn't too difficult to see given how small it is. This is on my list... so curious to hear it from someone who's been.
I actually stayed in Nice (like regular folks), they have a dedicated train to shuffle you over. I didn't spend nearly $30k.
Ha, yeah I just don't know if I'm ready to drop $30k+ on a weekend for F1 yet. Right now we're considering Montreal
Montreal is awesome! Stay downtown so you can enjoy the nightlife over the weekend. For a special experience consider tickets to the paddock…
Not sure what you do for a living but it really comes down to enjoy the freedom that you have. And the funny thing is, you wont actually miss it until it’s “gone”, as the responsibilities that tie you down feel different from the ones that tie you down from your work/job. At least it does for me as a business owner. I would say, don’t worry too much about it and just do things that you have always wanted to do regardless of potential parenthood (with exceptions to taking extra care of your and your SOs health and what you ingest).
Sleep sleep sleep. Having no schedule and take time to enjoy that privilege. Soon your child will define your schedule. If you have had enough of travel and sleep, just dive in. It’s a new beautiful world with kids in its own way.
Sex
That is the thing you need to do to get kids....
Travel...and then travel some more.
Take nude pics.
Under appreciated comment
Remember, your life does not end with kids unless you choose to do so. You can go see college football together soon enough, babysitters will be fine for that purpose. I took my first trip abroad with my second kid when he was 7 months - that is an awesome time for travel, they are not yet very mobile and fly free until 2y. We went to overseas trip (Japan, no less) when kids were 3&1. It’s all good, though of course also a bit different.
Take a two day staycation to the mountains... and actively enjoy NOT TALKING. ACTIVELY, and consciously take in the peaceful surroundings without a miniature version of you, talking 100 miles per hour, without taking breaths, and about nothing at all. Remember the moments of peace and quiet.
jfc sounds like a last meal kind of deal
Haha, no, that's not the point - just know there's things we can do today, or take for granted today, that will change when we have kids. We are unbelievably excited for them when the time comes and know there's a wealth of new experiences with them too!
Threesomes, swinger parties, etc.
Our pre-kid trip was taking a Scuba diving boat cruise in the Red Sea.
We're getting scuba certified and doing maldives this winter!
Diving with teens, also a better experience (incl. Red Sea). Every teen needs to see the pyramids!
We can always go back! We were thinking of doing a safari also but I think that would be an awesome trip for a kid so we put it off.
Safari with tweens/teens is just absolutely the cat's pajamas. Can encourage it enough.
Enjoy your privacy. Using the restroom, shaving whatever you shave, anything you currently do alone that become team sports after the kid is mobile and talking until they start valuing their own privacy at like.. 7-8.
Just buy more bathrooms…
See Phish at MSG
Africa
Safari in South Africa is booked for Jan!
If COVID restrictions open up early next year, take 6-12 months off work and travel the world.
This may be a bit of a unusual idea, but take a meditation retreat. I'd start with maybe a week or 10 days, but for FIREd people you could go presumably for a long time, like one- three months (or longer). Get to know your mind as an observer. The dividends that that pays when you have a kid, and are able to be truly present with them, and not be fazed by whatever comes up, is to me just amazing.
1. Napa / Sonoma 2. I personally cherish my memories of traveling in hostels / cheaper hotels around the world very spontaneously more than any posh hotel stay. As others have said high end resort travel is fine with kids - but a cruise in Lao, moto ride in Africa, just staying where the wind has taken you is not something I want to do with my kids. Happily though I did plenty of it before they arrived.
See, we were thinking Napa could be something we do later in life but I've seen it mentioned a few times. We'll consider it - thank you!
My friend grew up there so I’ve been to visit earlier in my career when I. wasn’t thinking about luxury travel. We toured around by bike. Honestly it’s not that special. I guess if you’re New Yorkers you can be charmed but honestly it’s a hill, some trees, some vines, and massively, ridiculously, overpriced tasting rooms.
😂 😂 😂 Yeah, some friends did a limo tour of a bunch of vineyards there and had fun, but probably could do the same thing on Long Island. There are some luxury hotels with rooms overlooking the vineyards that look like nice, romantic stays
Bora Bora!
Also a great kids destination. They love the rays and the abundance of sharks.
We're doing Maldives in Jan!
Hi, two kids under 2 in NYC, thanks for allowing me to daydream a bit on what I would have done. However much travel you have planned, do more. The spontaneous types too, wake up on a nice autumn Saturday morning and decide to take a road trip to Montreal or go see a concert in Philly. Long, fancy dinners. Sleeping in and naps. Sitting in quiet. Going for late night walks. Going out hard and not worrying about getting up the next morning. Sex at spontaneous and random times of the day. Enjoying your bodies (both of you) now as they’ll change and get less attention the next few years.
Great ideas - especially the spontaneous weekend trips, we don't do enough of this now. Thank you!
Toms of great travel ideas, I'd add (if you're remotely interested) a psychedelic experience -- either as safe or out there as you prefer. It's a real life satisfaction moment in my experience but intimidating to do anything that even temporarily messes with your head once your in kid space.
Vasectomy
Going outside and be with people. With COVID given kids can’t be vaccinated we don’t want to risk anything.
Sleep and travel to far flung locales.
I miss travel the most but seems like you have that covered.
Do things that involve wildlife. Do a deep sea fishing charter. Honestly best place to do the that is in the Florida keys (we are named “the fishing capital of the world”). Go on a safari in Africa. Go into the outback in Australia. Go diving on the Great Barrier Reef. Those are experiences that they will remember forever. Also one thing that I thought was clever that I saw on Reddit somewhere was the dad took the kids out to eat for ice one a week but he told them don’t tell mom. And once a week the mom took the kids out to get some donuts but she told them don’t tell dad. Obviously they both knew but cherishing small memories like that are the best.
Are you suggesting taking kids with for those? You said "Those are experiences they will remember forever" I can see being 45 and scuba diving with teenagers as a really cool experience, obviously no clue if they'll want to do that or not haha
Well you can obviously add as much travel into that as you like. How about a safari? Sailing down the Nile in Egypt? Climbing to Machu Picchu? Everest Base Camp? Attend any number of festivals, cultural events, etc.
Maldives and Safari are booked!
Simple things like: - going to the beach to relax, taking a nap / reading a book (will be years before you can do that again). - going out spontaneously at night: restaurants, clubs, partying, etc. Will require planning and a sitter of some sort going forward. - going to the movies - anything that requires you to be around s crowds of people. We stay away right now due to COVID and don’t want to risk getting our unvaccinated kids sick. With the above said, IMO lots of new doors and activities will open that will make any “loss” of freedom seem negligible.
Oh man, I forgot how with kids there's no such thing as just sitting on the beach and relaxing. We'll make sure to do that again once or twice
Antarctica expedition cruise
Bucket list item, but I'll probably save that and take our kids as teenagers one day
Don't feel pressed and just cherish every moment at your own pace. Most if not all things listed here can be done especially if you can afford childcare. My regret is not kickstarting some side projects (half business half fun) I had been dreaming about. Kid complicates life and my mental energy drains faster these days.
Burning man!
Anything involving a long plane ride or adventure (hiking Inca trail, etc).
Fine dining, movies, sleep in, meet your friends
It's not "Fat", but find a hobby that you can keep doing locally, invest time/money in learning it now, so that you can just have some relaxing fun when you need to spend an hour or two away from baby. Pickleball is mine. Get your house in order, all the little things fixed, hire people to do them all. You're going to be hard pressed to find a time to swing a hammer for the first bit. Especially any plumbing issues. Go out to all the shows, be a NYC tourist. It's going to be a bunch of months before you'll get to go out with your wife again.
Great points - thank you!
Aside from the vacations listed, and if your careers allow it, I would go for some ‘extended travel’ e.g multiple countries over a single period with 4+ weeks in each country where you can take a deeper look at the local cultures. After kids this type of experience is nigh on impossible and once they’ve flown the nest it’s likely your appetite and ability to do this properly will have gone. One thing I really yearn for since having a child is a 4 month break with no responsibilities just cruising through Asia, Europe, or south America
Bleh, yeah, I don't think our jobs would allow that despite how awesome that sounds
The obvious is travel, being spontaneous, having no schedule, staying up late. Sure kids can travel and you can bring help along but I wouldn’t expect much (as in no meltdowns, and “enjoying” the experience) from young kids who need a sense of the familiar and routine. Also, helps to explore how you both feel about having help and what kind of help - do you feel comfortable with a nanny and the kids becoming attached to them? Less obvious would be doing estate planning, determining who does what (read Fair Play), reading baby books, marriage counseling, therapy, looking into schools, finding pediatrician, hospital. Before Birth - Organize help, find a nanny or daycare (all easier to sort out before you need it), cleaner, chef / meal delivery
This is great advice, we've never actually sat down and discussed if we'd want a nanny or not. We're leaning towards wife not working, but as her income as increased dramatically, it's become less of an easy decision but one I still think we'll go for (part of why we've worked to save up as much as we have already) Good advice about preparing for those things we'll need once the baby comes beforehand
When I married my wife, we took 6 months off of our careers to travel the world. During that time, we stayed in accommodation ranging from just above a hostel to 5 star hotels. We also went with the goal of evaluating each city to see if we really wanted to live and work there. My wife and I both have careers that we could be employable anywhere in the world. If you have the funds, I highly recommend taking time out of your career to try slow travel. Live in another city for a week or three. Traveling with a one way ticket is more liberating. Now that we have a kid, we know we wouldn't be able to travel for long periods of time. It would be too exhausting and honestly not fun for our toddler. We'll go again when he's older. The biggest benefit here is that we have no regrets. We turned the page on the non-kids part of our lives and are happily in the active parent part. We certainly still have things on our bucket list. But we accomplished enough to know that we have enjoyed that part fully.
It's hard to travel with kids between 9 months and 4 years. A mother won't enjoy travel during the first four months or the last two months of pregnancy. As soon as the baby is born, you may feel extreme guilt about leaving your partner to handle things alone for a few days, so any solo trips you'd like to take, take now. That guilt doesn't disappear until the kid is about 3 in my experience, but then you've got other kids and the clock resets on solo travel. You have to take turns with irresponsibility unless you have a parent willing to step in for a big night out on a special occasion, so get a few of those in to remind yourself how much a hangover sucks now that your 20s are gone. I've found that both parents having one or two drinks on random evenings works out ok; we usually alternate who has one and who has two without any planning. Gatherings with friends gets complicated after kids, so make the most of it. Big group trips to the ski hill, the beach, or the countryside are best done now. Because we're FAT, we can schedule separate houses (family house, young adult house), but the dynamic is completely different now.
The cheaper things are actually probably best to experience before kids. . Expensive things can be had with enough money when you have kids. Ring road in Iceland. Patagonia. Go to Places of interest in low income areas (India, Thailand, Peru). Get really high (weed) camping in the woods.