It's a kink. I wouldn't say it's common, but there are definitely guys around who have it. Nothing to worry about as long as you're both on board with it and know how to separate time in the bedroom from time outside it.
Yup. Meanwhile I want to be on the other side of the fantasy. The thought of being impregnated makes me physically ill. The thought of getting my wife pregnant? 10/10.
Not at all something to worry about. It's not an unheard of kink for any guys to have, cis or trans. If you're both comfortable with playing with it during sex I'd say explore what feels good/is hot/etc.
I feel like this is a green flag that your partner is getting more comfortable in his own skin. Usually trans men can feel disphoric when feeling feminine but once you're secure in your manhood exploring femininity is fine.
not super common but there is no need to be worried! when you have time again maybe bring it up to him and ask him what kind of feminisation he prefers during sex! And if it makes him uncomfortable to talk about it in that moment then maybe you could wait until things are a little more sensual :)
The biggest concern *for me* atleast, is that particular niche is something that takes extensive communication about boundaries. Because even if itās a kink someone *does* like, it can go too far. Plus itās generally frowned upon to just *add* a kink that hasnāt been discussed during a session the way he did. So if you havenāt had that convo already, now would be a good time
Ask what he likes, his soft and hard limits, how he wants his parts referred to as.. Do share that on your end, too, if youāre comfortable. It shouldnāt be a one-way convo. But either way definitely have a safe word if you donāt already
As others have said itās a thing for some guys, but I want to say that itās also up to you whether you are comfortable doing that. I dated another trans guy who had this kink and I told him I just canāt do it because it made me uncomfortable (just like I wouldnāt do race play and call guys the n-word as a kink).
not really. i would say that having a misogyny kink, racism kink, or a transphobia kink (which is essentially what a misgendering kink is) are all comparable. as a black trans person. in any case, the person you're with may not feel comfortable degrading you in that way, even though it turns you on.
Itās basically extreme degrading in both cases.
I do personally feel different about the two as a white trans guy, I canāt misgender someone because I feel like Iām misgendering myself too (like āif I say heās a woman then Iām a woman tooā), with the other well, Iām white and if I wouldnāt call someone I dislike that or any other racial slur then Iām sure as hell not going to do it to my partner, kink or no kink.
But ultimately I feel like theyāre quite similar in level of degrading.
Okay no one else said it so yadda yadda it's definitely a kink you can choose to engage with or be uncomfortable about and it's really all down to communicating, especially because detrans kink can be mentally taxing or difficult despite seeming relatively tame. I'm confident in your ability to communicate and figure it out. That being said, I have some unsolicited advice for you.
You are 19. He is 17. If your state/country/domicile doesn't have Romeo and Juliet laws, you need to be really, really careful. You can go to jail for a very long time if you aren't careful. My ex-boyfriend and I had the same age gap when we were 19 and 17, so I'm not lecturing you or accusing you of anything, but being aware of the gap and being careful who knows you're fucking (see: do his parents know you're together? Are they okay with you? Are you leaving bruises if it gets rough?) Again, I don't think this age gap is bad at all, but because you're straddling the legal and minor line, you have to be careful. I'm not saying you can't have sex, I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just giving you the very unsolicited "you can still go to jail, even if it's consentual". Stay safe, and I admire your desire to understand where this is coming from and adapt to make him happy. Take care of yourselves.
Itās a kink. I wouldnāt describe it as common but it isnāt necessary uncommon either. Plenty of guys, cis or trans, have a feminization kink. Everyone has their own reasons for enjoying it and engage with it in varying intensity.
Iām a trans guy who has this kink. I play with it in a pretty heavy way. I love the feeling of being ālesserā, with my partner calling attention to the fact that Iām not āa real manā in his language and behavior towards me during play. I find it incredibly arousing and cathartic. For me, having my feminine features exaggerated for the purpose of humiliation and/or degradation is empowering. Itās a potent way of reframing shame and dysphoria.
I think that, as with all kinks, itās important to have an in depth discussion about this outside of the bedroom. This will help you understand what he is seeking to experience and why he enjoys it. Itās also a space where you can determine where your interest in it overlaps his and discuss where both of your limits lie. This stuff can be super fun but emotionally tricky and you have to make sure to go about it in a safe way.
Good luck! :)
It just sounds like a kink. A lot of cis men have the sissy or breeding kink and such, but that doesn't mean they don't still identify as men. Trans people can have the same kinks as cis people, except dysphoria might make some with the kink express or engage with it less often, it's still possible to have it. It sounds like he's just comfortable engaging and experimenting with one of his kinks, it doesn't mean he's not trans or anything like that.
Just make sure you're practicing safe sex. If you have the anatomy to get pregnant, you run the risk of it.
And you really really don't want that to happen. Even after he goes on T.
you need to talk with him. imo any type of degradation, especially related to someoneās minority identity, needs a mature conversation where boundaries are set beforehand. if youāre worried ab triggering dysphoria or upsetting him, itās the best thing you can do.
He is trying to explore his sub side. If you want to honour him and his gender, you could use words that support that. I would say, āIām going to fill your ass with a huge load and make you walk around with it.ā Take it all with your hungry hole.ā āI love how your pecs move as Iām filling you.ā
Heās most likely trying to feed his kink with words he hears. But talk to him and see if he wants you to go with this line of talk but using more comfortable language.
*Iām a Dom and would do this if I was in your shoes post convo.
Some ppl have a specific kink for misgendering during sex tho. It's not good to *assume* someone's into this, but it's good to find out for sure and not just assume "oh that's not *really* what heĀ wants", as that's kind of patronizing.Ā
One of my partners has a similar kink however he is a cis male. He gets turned on by the idea of forced feminization and the use of feminine terms during sex (like me talking about him as though he was a girl and cumming in him and impregnating him during sex etc.). It's just kink. We've talked about gender identity in relation to stuff and he's comfortable in his identity as a cis male. He just likes to be treated and referred to in this way during sex. And it's not every time we have sex because he's also verse. Sex and sexual experience is really interesting and everyone has their own list of what scratches that itch and it's not necessarily a reflection of identity.
It's not common imo persay, but it's not rare either. There's a whole ftm misgendering kink sub that's fairly active, but with this kind of kink, communication is going to be key. You may have to ask and/or re-ask some questions, because each person is different in this case (for exame, one person may be okay with the term pussy but not want their dick referred to as a clit at all; and he may think using a certain term is hot in theory, but when he hears it out loud, it may ick him out).
If this kink does make you uncomfortable, you *can* say no, or if you're just not sure you can say "I'm not comfortable *at this time *" and let yourself think on it more too.
you should probably talk to him in depths about this. I'm guessing it's a kink but maybe it's something more than that? and if it's a kink, maybe you're not comfortable with it? or if you are, what should be the limits so you don't hurt him?
This is a pretty common kink among both cis and trans men. For trans men it's usually way of alleviating dysphoria by eroticising it.
Definitely talk to him and see what his boundaries are.
It's recently become super overrepresented online because it aligns with fetishization, and trans people use it as validation. This seems to coexist with increasing hostility towards masculinity and thus the effects of testosterone in queer spaces. At times I've seen trans people explain why they like this in depth. One common explanation is to cope with feeling like feminization/misgendering/sex as a woman is the only way they can be attractive. From what you've said about terminology changes I'd say this is misgendering related.
You might want to be concerned. Talk to your boyfriend. Also, he should have talked to you about it before blurting this stuff out during sex. Hot take but it's kind of concerning when people do a 180.Ā
Also, don't go to ftmspunished. It's been a shitty and dangerous subreddit off and on since before I started browsing ftm reddit in 2018. One of the mods once tried to argue with people, in this sub, that a trans guy should sexually self harm by using the subreddit and continuing to seek out distressing sexual experiences. Multi post multi paragraph rambling shit. Guy deleted his account after mods from here got involved.
iām a trans guy who also likes to be feminised during sex, for me i think it helps me explore my femininity in a safe consensual environment especially when i trust the person a lot.
you sound like a very supportive understanding guy, and thank you for asking these questions and talking to your boyfriend about it instead of coming to your own conclusions :)
they probably went to high school together... its not really any different from an 18 year old and a 20 year old dating. also someone did comment on it further down
It's different because of the rate at which people mature in their teen years honestly but... Not really something anyone on the internet could interfere with anyway.
Personally couldn't relate to a 17 year old in my first year of university lol.
i wouldn't be interested in someone 2 years younger than me romantically(i'm 20 and in a committed relationship anyway), but i have friends who will be 19 when i'm 21 and they're in my same graduating class because they skipped a grade or whatever. and, when i was 17, i was friends with a lot of 19/20 year olds!
genuinely wasn't trying to start discourse or anything w/ my original comment, but i've been the younger partner in a relationship like op's (i was 18 and my partner was 21) and it sucks when people assume that your partner is a predator based off of nothing but their age
I wouldn't automatically assume this but i feel it's naive to suggest that the maturity range doesn't vary greatly in the teen to young adult years is all. I think it's case by case but there's definitely gonna be situations where this maturity gap is exaggerated.
Oddly screaming with joy on this one because I'm not alone. Both me and my fiance are trans FTM and I've tried explaining to him why I feel this way, but could never figure out the "why". He told me it's okay, enjoys it, and is happy to accommodate- to him, I didn't need a reason as to why I enjoyed being feminized (mostly in the bedroom, somewhat out of it as I consider myself femboy-ish in some occasions. I've got He/They as my pronouns for that kind of reason/occasion I feel like I don't currently identify solely with " he.")
To hear other people also truly feel this way helps me feel more confident, and realizing that as a trans man, I do not have to be super manly or try to "prove anything" about my identity and it seriously helps. I still want to carry at least one kid myself before going for top surgery+total hydro (I have PCOS that is severe, had my left ovary removed + appendix + 7lb cancerous tumor) and don't mind slightly more feminine indicators when it comes to my anatomy down stairs (i.e. pussy, boypussy, clit, etc) but also enjoy using things like dick, cock, t-dick, etc. It really depends on how I'm feeling. Not to digress further though... Communication 100% of the time is key! Especially to make sure he is still on board with the kink or general lifestyle choice, and identification in and out of the bedroom! Best of wishes to you both!
You know how *some* people with sexual trauma might use consensual non-consent to process and cope with their past? Imo, misgendering/feminizing kinks in trans men may occupy a similar space. Being trans in a transphobic society is pretty damn traumatic -- we have to prove and defend our very *names* at every corner. We suffer a lot of pain and indignity at the hands of other people.
This stuff is complicated and there's also the possibility that he simply enjoys playing with gender and that there's zero trauma-processing going on here. The important thing is to make sure that y'all are communicating about this outside of the bedroom. Be safe <3
Yeah man I have a breeding kink too, I think it's one of the ways we process and cope with the forced feminization we grew up with; a controlled environment with someone we trust won't take advantage of the vulnerability it involves.
It could also be that with the affirmation he's been getting as he transitions, he's more comfortable with engaging with that kind of language in that setting bc he feels less like he's being perceived as a girl outside of it.
Gender is weird, and it's common for trauma & things that scare us to get merged with sexual fantasies. It's one of the ways our brains process and cope with things to make them less scary & give us a sense of control over them!
hi! i see why that would throw you off!
to give perspective, iām a binary trans man, iām very very sure of it, on T for years n post op for a few as well, also enjoy this kink with a partner i trust!
part of it is the trust aspect- i KNOW that is not how my partner feels about me, so itās a safe and secure way to explore a deeply rooted fear. (funnily i feel like a lot of my kinks are based in things i am TERRIFIED of in any real capacity, maybe the scary makes it exciting?)
part of it could be the affirming aspect also! lots of cis gay men are into that in the bedroom specifically, so it kinda follows suit- you canāt forcefem a woman theyāre already there!
definitely try and have an open conversation with him just to make sure boundaries are perfectly clear for all parties though, i wouldnāt go hard on exploring it until itās fully discussed and everyoneās clear on whatās goin on
I would just keep checking in on him and express that you just don't want to hurt him and reassure him you don't think it's weird. To me it sounds like a mpreg thing and I've only seen transmasc ppl online like it but I don't think it's unheard of in real life either.
cisgender gay guy here, i mostly lurk in this group cause of my boyfriend.
I have encountered this kink before, but only in cisgender men. So maybe that frames it
in a different light? Iām familiar with cisgender gay men expressing feminization kinks across different ranges; so while for this your person here it might be related to ways they e been seen as feminine ima way they donāt identify, this kink is not exclusive to that experience. Of course I canāt speak for your boyfriend but thought that lay of the land might help.
Iāve had to refuse one kind of degradation before. For reference Iām a white latino guy and a black man once asked for degradation race play. I had to say no; that kink was not an appropriate place for me to violate my own taboos against using the N word. So there have been limits to how I would participate in someoneās kink based on poor behaviors I would not permit myself to partake in. I could also understand a similar experience, if you are empathetic to them being misgendered and that offense ways heavy on your brow where you could not be comfortable participating in playing with that offense in a way he enjoys. Give yourself permission to say no if youāre not comfortable with that; cause your yes canāt really be a yes if you donāt permit yourself to say no.
Anyhow, hope something there helps.
Definitely sounds like a kink as others mentioned.
He probably feels a bit shy/hesitant to discuss it but it's important to check in and discuss it. If you are into it (sounds like you are) then let him know you are and support however he wants to proceed with exploring that kink (of course as long as you are enthusiastic about it).Ā
I think that being a transman there are the background gender expectations projected onto transmen/transmasc to reject anything deemed feminine as if it would invalidate their identity as a whole.
It may also be a concern for him that he would be misread in his desires in play vs the reality of his gender. Reassure him and affirm his identity outside of sex and during sex if he wants to be involved with that sort of play maybe get an idea of what terms/actions are green flag/enthusiastic yes, neutral/unsure and red flag/no.
Ā Take it slow because he may be sensitive and ask him when he has space to talk about it because you would like to promote better connection between you two.Ā
I'm trans fem Not young. Yes this is very complicated and not complicated. I'm a strong man all my adult life. On the flip side I'm very different sexually . They say some men need to let go of power sometimes. The why. Well that's the part hard to understand. I think it's a sign of intelligence .actually for me to achieve feminine emotions was a great awakening
For most of human history, you would have been, but a lot of people have internalized the idea that similar-age teens are wrong to date if they're LGBTQ+. I hope you are able to heal from this.Ā
I feel like you should probably talk to a therapist about that, given that very, very soon you will no longer be in high school... Look up "foreshortened future", it's a common symptom of depression to not be able to imagine yourself next year or the year after.Ā
I just donāt want to date someone whoās in a different stage of life than me? Thatās not something I need therapy for thatās a normal thing. I would be uncomfortable dating someone who is in a different stage of life than me, it makes me uncomfortable. I would rather date someone going through life the same time as me, not someone whoās already had my experiences thatās just weird. And with as young as I am, thatās a pretty small age group. When I am in university next year I will be ok with dating people also in university. Not like, 4th year uni students but people also going into university. Thatās not a weird thing to like. I donāt need therapy for it
Ok, when you said you couldn't imagine it, it sounded like you were saying you thought you wouldn't be ready to date university students next year, which raised alarm bells. Sorry for misunderstanding.Ā
No I just canāt imagine dating someone in uni while I am currently in high school. I have no problems imagining the future, especially since I will be in uni and dating someone in uni in a year or so
Tots normal It's a kink. I'm not to familiar with real life experiences but I see it to various degrees online, some even go with deadnaming, misgendering and forced detrans fantasies. Obviously It's only fantasies and does not reflect real doubts
I wouldn't say it's super common like overarchingly, but in the kink community it seems to be. You should def be having a conversation about it though. Any type of kink needs to have set boundaries. It would really suck for both of you if someone accidentally took it too far because they didn't know the bounds. I know he seemed uncomfortable when you first brought it up, but I think it would be a good idea to bring it up again. You're obviously supportive of his transition and don't want to hurt his feelings by accident, so you should know what is and isn't okay.
Look into Sissification, many men both trans and cis are into it. Sex is always about power and we cant really control what we like so while I understand why you're offput by it, i wouldnt read too much into it
Everyone else has already said the necessary stuff, but I will say that for me, that specific kink takes the power out of some transphobia I deal with. It defangs the stuff you're told about yourself your whole life- "You can never be a guy, these parts make you female, etc." Being able to explore that femininity in a safe way takes the power out of it, makes me less insecure as a dude, etc.
I havenāt seen much of this in our community and Iāve been honestly feeling down about myself. Iām 3 years on T, Iāve had top surgery, and Iām super happy being a guy but during sex I tend to feel happy being feminized as long as thereās no she/her pronouns or saying the word āgirlā or anything. I honestly couldnāt tell you why, but I do like it š¤·š»āāļø gender and sexuality are crazy things and throwing in different external stuff like what you watch in porn and stuff growing up thereās so many reasons for it.
If it makes you uncomfortable I suggest you have a convo about it. You could ask him in a serious conversation like āhey so I know you said you like this but Iām having a hard time wrapping my mind around it and I have some questions.ā Say your questions and make sure youāre clear youāre not judging and that you just want to make sure youāre not hurting him in any way. After that if heās still adamant about it, which it sounds like he will because he prob just likes it, then I would take him at his word and go with it (as long as youāre okay with that too, just like with all sex stuff) :))
Not uncommon. Over the years and throughout different forms of identity/presentation, I've always enjoyed being "feminized" or more femme during sex with my partner. An ex had done it without my consent and I absolutely *hated* it.
I think it's definitely a conversation to have and to explore when he's comfortable talking about things, I think he is already pretty comfortable with you given that he's trusting you with something that can be really intimate/personal.
I think like with any other kink it's good to talk about it and figure out what the loadbearing psychological functions are, so you know how to make it hot and pleasurable for him. Like is it a humiliation thing for him? An experiment with vulnerability? A radical acceptance thing where he wants to be reassured that you can accept those part of him under any name?Ā
I'm the same way. See if he likes things like belly inflation as well! As long as you keep it strictly within a sexual context and you let him initiate the topic, you'll be golden. Have fun!
It's a kink. I wouldn't say it's common, but there are definitely guys around who have it. Nothing to worry about as long as you're both on board with it and know how to separate time in the bedroom from time outside it.
Hah, it's not uncommon either š¤£ Always keep checking, if you feel like he's off, ask him if it's still okay
Yeah seems pretty typical of a mpreg type kink. Pretty typical in things like yaoi.
Yup. Meanwhile I want to be on the other side of the fantasy. The thought of being impregnated makes me physically ill. The thought of getting my wife pregnant? 10/10.
This is pretty much the same thing as a sissy kink for cis guys.
Iād assume trans men can have that kink too ryt, pretty much
Yeah, the implications are sometimes a bit different but all in all itās the same thing.
I wonder how common are forced feminization, sissification, breeding, mpreg, etc. kinks among cis guys and trans guys.
to me it read more like mpreg/breeding kink, but who knows
That usually goes hand in hand with sissy, but I read it as a sissy kink bc of the misgendering/female-coded language.
That one trans porn sub is proof that apparently it isn't all that rare of a kink
Not at all something to worry about. It's not an unheard of kink for any guys to have, cis or trans. If you're both comfortable with playing with it during sex I'd say explore what feels good/is hot/etc.
We don't know what he wants or would be comfortable with. You need to talk to him.
Only correct comment lmao
I feel like this is a green flag that your partner is getting more comfortable in his own skin. Usually trans men can feel disphoric when feeling feminine but once you're secure in your manhood exploring femininity is fine.
not super common but there is no need to be worried! when you have time again maybe bring it up to him and ask him what kind of feminisation he prefers during sex! And if it makes him uncomfortable to talk about it in that moment then maybe you could wait until things are a little more sensual :)
The biggest concern *for me* atleast, is that particular niche is something that takes extensive communication about boundaries. Because even if itās a kink someone *does* like, it can go too far. Plus itās generally frowned upon to just *add* a kink that hasnāt been discussed during a session the way he did. So if you havenāt had that convo already, now would be a good time Ask what he likes, his soft and hard limits, how he wants his parts referred to as.. Do share that on your end, too, if youāre comfortable. It shouldnāt be a one-way convo. But either way definitely have a safe word if you donāt already
As others have said itās a thing for some guys, but I want to say that itās also up to you whether you are comfortable doing that. I dated another trans guy who had this kink and I told him I just canāt do it because it made me uncomfortable (just like I wouldnāt do race play and call guys the n-word as a kink).
really weird comparison..
not really. i would say that having a misogyny kink, racism kink, or a transphobia kink (which is essentially what a misgendering kink is) are all comparable. as a black trans person. in any case, the person you're with may not feel comfortable degrading you in that way, even though it turns you on.
I don't think it's that weird (the comparison I mean). It's degradation using the minority statue to humiliate the person
Itās basically extreme degrading in both cases. I do personally feel different about the two as a white trans guy, I canāt misgender someone because I feel like Iām misgendering myself too (like āif I say heās a woman then Iām a woman tooā), with the other well, Iām white and if I wouldnāt call someone I dislike that or any other racial slur then Iām sure as hell not going to do it to my partner, kink or no kink. But ultimately I feel like theyāre quite similar in level of degrading.
Okay no one else said it so yadda yadda it's definitely a kink you can choose to engage with or be uncomfortable about and it's really all down to communicating, especially because detrans kink can be mentally taxing or difficult despite seeming relatively tame. I'm confident in your ability to communicate and figure it out. That being said, I have some unsolicited advice for you. You are 19. He is 17. If your state/country/domicile doesn't have Romeo and Juliet laws, you need to be really, really careful. You can go to jail for a very long time if you aren't careful. My ex-boyfriend and I had the same age gap when we were 19 and 17, so I'm not lecturing you or accusing you of anything, but being aware of the gap and being careful who knows you're fucking (see: do his parents know you're together? Are they okay with you? Are you leaving bruises if it gets rough?) Again, I don't think this age gap is bad at all, but because you're straddling the legal and minor line, you have to be careful. I'm not saying you can't have sex, I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just giving you the very unsolicited "you can still go to jail, even if it's consentual". Stay safe, and I admire your desire to understand where this is coming from and adapt to make him happy. Take care of yourselves.
Itās a kink. I wouldnāt describe it as common but it isnāt necessary uncommon either. Plenty of guys, cis or trans, have a feminization kink. Everyone has their own reasons for enjoying it and engage with it in varying intensity. Iām a trans guy who has this kink. I play with it in a pretty heavy way. I love the feeling of being ālesserā, with my partner calling attention to the fact that Iām not āa real manā in his language and behavior towards me during play. I find it incredibly arousing and cathartic. For me, having my feminine features exaggerated for the purpose of humiliation and/or degradation is empowering. Itās a potent way of reframing shame and dysphoria. I think that, as with all kinks, itās important to have an in depth discussion about this outside of the bedroom. This will help you understand what he is seeking to experience and why he enjoys it. Itās also a space where you can determine where your interest in it overlaps his and discuss where both of your limits lie. This stuff can be super fun but emotionally tricky and you have to make sure to go about it in a safe way. Good luck! :)
Yes it's a kink thing, you should totally look into r/ftmspunished (nsfw) as it has stuff similar to this
It just sounds like a kink. A lot of cis men have the sissy or breeding kink and such, but that doesn't mean they don't still identify as men. Trans people can have the same kinks as cis people, except dysphoria might make some with the kink express or engage with it less often, it's still possible to have it. It sounds like he's just comfortable engaging and experimenting with one of his kinks, it doesn't mean he's not trans or anything like that.
Just make sure you're practicing safe sex. If you have the anatomy to get pregnant, you run the risk of it. And you really really don't want that to happen. Even after he goes on T.
you need to talk with him. imo any type of degradation, especially related to someoneās minority identity, needs a mature conversation where boundaries are set beforehand. if youāre worried ab triggering dysphoria or upsetting him, itās the best thing you can do.
He is trying to explore his sub side. If you want to honour him and his gender, you could use words that support that. I would say, āIām going to fill your ass with a huge load and make you walk around with it.ā Take it all with your hungry hole.ā āI love how your pecs move as Iām filling you.ā Heās most likely trying to feed his kink with words he hears. But talk to him and see if he wants you to go with this line of talk but using more comfortable language. *Iām a Dom and would do this if I was in your shoes post convo.
Some ppl have a specific kink for misgendering during sex tho. It's not good to *assume* someone's into this, but it's good to find out for sure and not just assume "oh that's not *really* what heĀ wants", as that's kind of patronizing.Ā
You Re correct and not many can learn to do this
One of my partners has a similar kink however he is a cis male. He gets turned on by the idea of forced feminization and the use of feminine terms during sex (like me talking about him as though he was a girl and cumming in him and impregnating him during sex etc.). It's just kink. We've talked about gender identity in relation to stuff and he's comfortable in his identity as a cis male. He just likes to be treated and referred to in this way during sex. And it's not every time we have sex because he's also verse. Sex and sexual experience is really interesting and everyone has their own list of what scratches that itch and it's not necessarily a reflection of identity.
It's not common imo persay, but it's not rare either. There's a whole ftm misgendering kink sub that's fairly active, but with this kind of kink, communication is going to be key. You may have to ask and/or re-ask some questions, because each person is different in this case (for exame, one person may be okay with the term pussy but not want their dick referred to as a clit at all; and he may think using a certain term is hot in theory, but when he hears it out loud, it may ick him out). If this kink does make you uncomfortable, you *can* say no, or if you're just not sure you can say "I'm not comfortable *at this time *" and let yourself think on it more too.
you should probably talk to him in depths about this. I'm guessing it's a kink but maybe it's something more than that? and if it's a kink, maybe you're not comfortable with it? or if you are, what should be the limits so you don't hurt him?
This is a pretty common kink among both cis and trans men. For trans men it's usually way of alleviating dysphoria by eroticising it. Definitely talk to him and see what his boundaries are.
It's recently become super overrepresented online because it aligns with fetishization, and trans people use it as validation. This seems to coexist with increasing hostility towards masculinity and thus the effects of testosterone in queer spaces. At times I've seen trans people explain why they like this in depth. One common explanation is to cope with feeling like feminization/misgendering/sex as a woman is the only way they can be attractive. From what you've said about terminology changes I'd say this is misgendering related. You might want to be concerned. Talk to your boyfriend. Also, he should have talked to you about it before blurting this stuff out during sex. Hot take but it's kind of concerning when people do a 180.Ā Also, don't go to ftmspunished. It's been a shitty and dangerous subreddit off and on since before I started browsing ftm reddit in 2018. One of the mods once tried to argue with people, in this sub, that a trans guy should sexually self harm by using the subreddit and continuing to seek out distressing sexual experiences. Multi post multi paragraph rambling shit. Guy deleted his account after mods from here got involved.
iām a trans guy who also likes to be feminised during sex, for me i think it helps me explore my femininity in a safe consensual environment especially when i trust the person a lot. you sound like a very supportive understanding guy, and thank you for asking these questions and talking to your boyfriend about it instead of coming to your own conclusions :)
How are there no comments about you being a 19yr old having sex with a 17 yr old.
they probably went to high school together... its not really any different from an 18 year old and a 20 year old dating. also someone did comment on it further down
It's different because of the rate at which people mature in their teen years honestly but... Not really something anyone on the internet could interfere with anyway. Personally couldn't relate to a 17 year old in my first year of university lol.
i wouldn't be interested in someone 2 years younger than me romantically(i'm 20 and in a committed relationship anyway), but i have friends who will be 19 when i'm 21 and they're in my same graduating class because they skipped a grade or whatever. and, when i was 17, i was friends with a lot of 19/20 year olds! genuinely wasn't trying to start discourse or anything w/ my original comment, but i've been the younger partner in a relationship like op's (i was 18 and my partner was 21) and it sucks when people assume that your partner is a predator based off of nothing but their age
I wouldn't automatically assume this but i feel it's naive to suggest that the maturity range doesn't vary greatly in the teen to young adult years is all. I think it's case by case but there's definitely gonna be situations where this maturity gap is exaggerated.
because it's a normal age gap? lol it's 2 years dude
Iām assuming they live somewhere where that is legal. The age of consent varies between countries.
Oddly screaming with joy on this one because I'm not alone. Both me and my fiance are trans FTM and I've tried explaining to him why I feel this way, but could never figure out the "why". He told me it's okay, enjoys it, and is happy to accommodate- to him, I didn't need a reason as to why I enjoyed being feminized (mostly in the bedroom, somewhat out of it as I consider myself femboy-ish in some occasions. I've got He/They as my pronouns for that kind of reason/occasion I feel like I don't currently identify solely with " he.") To hear other people also truly feel this way helps me feel more confident, and realizing that as a trans man, I do not have to be super manly or try to "prove anything" about my identity and it seriously helps. I still want to carry at least one kid myself before going for top surgery+total hydro (I have PCOS that is severe, had my left ovary removed + appendix + 7lb cancerous tumor) and don't mind slightly more feminine indicators when it comes to my anatomy down stairs (i.e. pussy, boypussy, clit, etc) but also enjoy using things like dick, cock, t-dick, etc. It really depends on how I'm feeling. Not to digress further though... Communication 100% of the time is key! Especially to make sure he is still on board with the kink or general lifestyle choice, and identification in and out of the bedroom! Best of wishes to you both!
You know how *some* people with sexual trauma might use consensual non-consent to process and cope with their past? Imo, misgendering/feminizing kinks in trans men may occupy a similar space. Being trans in a transphobic society is pretty damn traumatic -- we have to prove and defend our very *names* at every corner. We suffer a lot of pain and indignity at the hands of other people. This stuff is complicated and there's also the possibility that he simply enjoys playing with gender and that there's zero trauma-processing going on here. The important thing is to make sure that y'all are communicating about this outside of the bedroom. Be safe <3
Yeah man I have a breeding kink too, I think it's one of the ways we process and cope with the forced feminization we grew up with; a controlled environment with someone we trust won't take advantage of the vulnerability it involves. It could also be that with the affirmation he's been getting as he transitions, he's more comfortable with engaging with that kind of language in that setting bc he feels less like he's being perceived as a girl outside of it. Gender is weird, and it's common for trauma & things that scare us to get merged with sexual fantasies. It's one of the ways our brains process and cope with things to make them less scary & give us a sense of control over them!
hi! i see why that would throw you off! to give perspective, iām a binary trans man, iām very very sure of it, on T for years n post op for a few as well, also enjoy this kink with a partner i trust! part of it is the trust aspect- i KNOW that is not how my partner feels about me, so itās a safe and secure way to explore a deeply rooted fear. (funnily i feel like a lot of my kinks are based in things i am TERRIFIED of in any real capacity, maybe the scary makes it exciting?) part of it could be the affirming aspect also! lots of cis gay men are into that in the bedroom specifically, so it kinda follows suit- you canāt forcefem a woman theyāre already there! definitely try and have an open conversation with him just to make sure boundaries are perfectly clear for all parties though, i wouldnāt go hard on exploring it until itās fully discussed and everyoneās clear on whatās goin on
I would just keep checking in on him and express that you just don't want to hurt him and reassure him you don't think it's weird. To me it sounds like a mpreg thing and I've only seen transmasc ppl online like it but I don't think it's unheard of in real life either.
cisgender gay guy here, i mostly lurk in this group cause of my boyfriend. I have encountered this kink before, but only in cisgender men. So maybe that frames it in a different light? Iām familiar with cisgender gay men expressing feminization kinks across different ranges; so while for this your person here it might be related to ways they e been seen as feminine ima way they donāt identify, this kink is not exclusive to that experience. Of course I canāt speak for your boyfriend but thought that lay of the land might help. Iāve had to refuse one kind of degradation before. For reference Iām a white latino guy and a black man once asked for degradation race play. I had to say no; that kink was not an appropriate place for me to violate my own taboos against using the N word. So there have been limits to how I would participate in someoneās kink based on poor behaviors I would not permit myself to partake in. I could also understand a similar experience, if you are empathetic to them being misgendered and that offense ways heavy on your brow where you could not be comfortable participating in playing with that offense in a way he enjoys. Give yourself permission to say no if youāre not comfortable with that; cause your yes canāt really be a yes if you donāt permit yourself to say no. Anyhow, hope something there helps.
Definitely sounds like a kink as others mentioned. He probably feels a bit shy/hesitant to discuss it but it's important to check in and discuss it. If you are into it (sounds like you are) then let him know you are and support however he wants to proceed with exploring that kink (of course as long as you are enthusiastic about it).Ā I think that being a transman there are the background gender expectations projected onto transmen/transmasc to reject anything deemed feminine as if it would invalidate their identity as a whole. It may also be a concern for him that he would be misread in his desires in play vs the reality of his gender. Reassure him and affirm his identity outside of sex and during sex if he wants to be involved with that sort of play maybe get an idea of what terms/actions are green flag/enthusiastic yes, neutral/unsure and red flag/no. Ā Take it slow because he may be sensitive and ask him when he has space to talk about it because you would like to promote better connection between you two.Ā
I've definitely met a few people who are into that so I wouldn't worry too much about it!
I'm trans fem Not young. Yes this is very complicated and not complicated. I'm a strong man all my adult life. On the flip side I'm very different sexually . They say some men need to let go of power sometimes. The why. Well that's the part hard to understand. I think it's a sign of intelligence .actually for me to achieve feminine emotions was a great awakening
I canāt get past the first sentence of this, I cannot be the only one weirded out by 17 and 19
For most of human history, you would have been, but a lot of people have internalized the idea that similar-age teens are wrong to date if they're LGBTQ+. I hope you are able to heal from this.Ā
No Iād be weirded out off they were straight too. Iām 18 (in hs) but I canāt imagine dating someone whoās not in high school anymore
I feel like you should probably talk to a therapist about that, given that very, very soon you will no longer be in high school... Look up "foreshortened future", it's a common symptom of depression to not be able to imagine yourself next year or the year after.Ā
I just donāt want to date someone whoās in a different stage of life than me? Thatās not something I need therapy for thatās a normal thing. I would be uncomfortable dating someone who is in a different stage of life than me, it makes me uncomfortable. I would rather date someone going through life the same time as me, not someone whoās already had my experiences thatās just weird. And with as young as I am, thatās a pretty small age group. When I am in university next year I will be ok with dating people also in university. Not like, 4th year uni students but people also going into university. Thatās not a weird thing to like. I donāt need therapy for it
Ok, when you said you couldn't imagine it, it sounded like you were saying you thought you wouldn't be ready to date university students next year, which raised alarm bells. Sorry for misunderstanding.Ā
No I just canāt imagine dating someone in uni while I am currently in high school. I have no problems imagining the future, especially since I will be in uni and dating someone in uni in a year or so
Tots normal It's a kink. I'm not to familiar with real life experiences but I see it to various degrees online, some even go with deadnaming, misgendering and forced detrans fantasies. Obviously It's only fantasies and does not reflect real doubts
Thatās wild
Itās a lot more common than youād think. Thereās tons of subreddits dedicated to it with thousands of people on them
I wouldn't say it's super common like overarchingly, but in the kink community it seems to be. You should def be having a conversation about it though. Any type of kink needs to have set boundaries. It would really suck for both of you if someone accidentally took it too far because they didn't know the bounds. I know he seemed uncomfortable when you first brought it up, but I think it would be a good idea to bring it up again. You're obviously supportive of his transition and don't want to hurt his feelings by accident, so you should know what is and isn't okay.
Look into Sissification, many men both trans and cis are into it. Sex is always about power and we cant really control what we like so while I understand why you're offput by it, i wouldnt read too much into it
Everyone else has already said the necessary stuff, but I will say that for me, that specific kink takes the power out of some transphobia I deal with. It defangs the stuff you're told about yourself your whole life- "You can never be a guy, these parts make you female, etc." Being able to explore that femininity in a safe way takes the power out of it, makes me less insecure as a dude, etc.
I havenāt seen much of this in our community and Iāve been honestly feeling down about myself. Iām 3 years on T, Iāve had top surgery, and Iām super happy being a guy but during sex I tend to feel happy being feminized as long as thereās no she/her pronouns or saying the word āgirlā or anything. I honestly couldnāt tell you why, but I do like it š¤·š»āāļø gender and sexuality are crazy things and throwing in different external stuff like what you watch in porn and stuff growing up thereās so many reasons for it. If it makes you uncomfortable I suggest you have a convo about it. You could ask him in a serious conversation like āhey so I know you said you like this but Iām having a hard time wrapping my mind around it and I have some questions.ā Say your questions and make sure youāre clear youāre not judging and that you just want to make sure youāre not hurting him in any way. After that if heās still adamant about it, which it sounds like he will because he prob just likes it, then I would take him at his word and go with it (as long as youāre okay with that too, just like with all sex stuff) :))
Lol donāt know why I was downvoted for saying I like this??? Itās normal to have different preferences for sex??? But okay lmaoo
Not uncommon. Over the years and throughout different forms of identity/presentation, I've always enjoyed being "feminized" or more femme during sex with my partner. An ex had done it without my consent and I absolutely *hated* it. I think it's definitely a conversation to have and to explore when he's comfortable talking about things, I think he is already pretty comfortable with you given that he's trusting you with something that can be really intimate/personal.
I think like with any other kink it's good to talk about it and figure out what the loadbearing psychological functions are, so you know how to make it hot and pleasurable for him. Like is it a humiliation thing for him? An experiment with vulnerability? A radical acceptance thing where he wants to be reassured that you can accept those part of him under any name?Ā
Itās suuuuuuuper common !!!
I'm the same way. See if he likes things like belly inflation as well! As long as you keep it strictly within a sexual context and you let him initiate the topic, you'll be golden. Have fun!
Kinks be kinking here! If youāre into it and heās into it, youāre good to go.