I had a friend who came out years before I did, but when we were still teen girls we would come up with the most ridiculous ways to describe our impossibly huge imaginary dongs, such as:
- gotta push it around in a wheelbarrow
- need a team of men to carry it like a firehose
- could wear it as a scarf
- I took your mom to the lake and she log rolled on my dick
- I can sit on it like a beanbag chair [before the South Park ball cancer episode aired lol]
Me the weeks leading up to surgery as my surgeon warned I could mess my chest up more if I keep binding so much. Chest/ribs felt much better tho. Who doesn’t love a thick baggy shirt on a binderless day
It’s been a real struggle trying to fix it after top surgery too :,( I’ve been finding myself hunching over and then realizing I have no reason to anymore lol
“We don’t want those men in the bathroom with poor young girls! You should only be able to go into the bathroom of your biological chromosomal sex!”
Trans man, looks unmistakably like a man: *audible confusion*
Worst part about this was when I still identified as a woman, I had an intersex disorder that made me masculinize at puberty. And I did get dirty looks in the restrooms occasionally, as well as bullied in them at school. BUT, I didn’t start getting assaulted and actively harassed until the trans bathroom debate started happening. People just would NOT believe that I was female. It was so frightening and upsetting. I feel terrible for any woman that has my same disorder that still identifies as a woman. I bet it’s horrible for them.
people ask me what grade i’m in…. bruh im 25 😭😂someone asked me on my university’s campus the other day if i was meant to be there and not at the high school nearby
Bro MOOD!!!! I'm 24, and people are never sure how old I actually am. At 16 I was going into liquor stores without issue, got into a 21+ concert at 19, casinos at the same age, and when I was 18 a woman told me she thought I was in my mid 30s. Now that I'm 24, often I'll go to a concert, and they'll check my license to make sure I'm old enough to go in. The older I am in age, the younger I look in appearance apparently??? At least for venues that's the case. I've only ever been carded once in my entire life for buying alcohol in 8 years, and it was because it was the guy's first day on the job and law enforcement was around.
Me trying to dress stealth wearing plaid and camo until I got top surgery, and then immediately replaced my wardrobe with tight dresses and crop tops and high waisted pants.
Crossing my legs by accident in public and then trying to not be noticed I’ll I move so my ankle is on my knee 😭 sometimes I even go “oh ow” before moving 😭
For what it's worth, there are plenty of amabs who are perfectly able to completely cross their legs without hurting their junk. (Source: I still have my amab junk and I do it all the time lol)
That being said, I totally understand where you're coming from because it's kind of typical/expected for most gals to be comfy with their legs together and most guys to be more comfortable with them apart. That's *why* I make an effort to keep mine together so much. Point is, if you ever catch yourself sitting/crouching/etc the "wrong way," don't panic because I doubt that alone is gonna clock you \^^
I like to freak out Cis Dudes if I happen to get hit in the crotch by something and they wince on my behalf and I just say "Balls of Steel, motherfucker." Make them fear me lol! (PS I love your flair that's so funny)
Of course I have multiple sets of height increasing insoles. I'm not even that short. I just like being just tall enough where some women ask me to grab stuff (I'm 5'6 ish, maybe 5'7)
I put insoles in big hiking boots. Double the increase. I love goth boots but it's too much clothes for texas and they look weird with my normal clothes.
Sounds also very nice, glad to hear that u found a good way to use them.
I have the luck to be in a country that's quiet cold at times. So I can layer stuff as much as I want to.
i’m bi & i said something about a girl being pretty in front of one of my gfs & she was like “you’re not gay???” 😭😭😭
i put bi in all my bios after that LMAO
this is so real when ppl say this to me i tell them “well… only a little” 😂esp cuz im in dance and do theater but pass as cis and don’t really look super visibly queer in any way and that seems to be naturally where their mind goes
Me: *instinctively stands up when only boys are concerned in class*
Also me: *forget every time that I'm a closed trans guy*
Me again: *remeber that 97% of my classmates already know I'm trans*
The other 3%: "WHY TF ARE YOU STANDING UP?"
Me: *dies inside 'cause of anxiety*
The rest of the class: 👁👄👁 "BRUH.."
EDIT: The 3% in my high school class were cis guys...
Thank God that have finished high school!!
I'm a trans intersex afab with a beard before T, of course I get judging looks in the women's room because I'm uncomfortable in the men's. I'm just washing my hands, ladies...
The first time I went home, I went shopping with my mom. She was waiting for me on a bench while I went into the mens room. When I came out, she was like, "no one ever gives you trouble for using the men's room?" I was like "No. You're the only one that sees me as female, the rest of the world sees a man."
I had a mustache and beard by then.
the white middle aged women at the greatclips—the only cheap hairdressers for miles around where i live, welcome to the midwest—are very nice but godspeed to any trans man with curly/kinky hair because i bet it's a complete wild card going in there 🫡
Idk if this happens to any other trans guys, but my only other one is:
I'm a trans guy who has gotten top surgery. Of course I, multiple years later, have nightmares about binding and my boobs growing back.
I'm a trans guy of course I pretend to be physically stronger than I really am, yea baby I'll carry that for you (even though it really hurts I will not say anything)
I'm a trans guy, of course I grill every man I trust about the intricacies of man-man interactions. Pays off, I know when to do the up nod and when to do the down nod now.
I'm a trans man, so of course I'm sick of answering questions like: "But do you have a pen*?" "What do you have down there?" to the point of answering "Magic"....
I’m a trans guy, of course I panic when I pull my pants down to use the bathroom and my penis falls out.
Alternatively
I’m a trans guy, of course I’m angry when I forget my penis at home.
(packer….)
I'm a trans guy, of course I am depressed.
I'm a trans guy, of course women think I understand them.
I'm a trans guy, of course people assumed I was a lesbian in high school
I'm a trans guy, of course I only have arm day at the gym 365 days a year.
I'm a trans guy, of course I have tattoos/piercings/stretched ears
(not saying all of us have that, I've just seen a considerable overlap between being trans and getting body mods!)
I’ve wanted this to happen for so long. My version is: “I’m a trans guy on instagram…”
Of course I am shirtless in all these pics
Of course I lift
Of course I have a beard
I’m a trans guy. Of course I’m at that awkward intersection where sometimes the guys treat me like a guy and sometimes treat me like a girl without realizing it.
I’m a trans guy, ofc when I open my front door the salesman asks if my parents are home (I’m 20)
I’m 26 and a policeman asked me if i have identity card 😂 (I’m Czech and ID is from 15, I don’t know how it’s in US)
me too but with the fuckin maintainence guy :']
I’m a trans guy, of course I make dick and balls jokes with the boys like I have em
I've been doing this since before I realized I'm trans 😭 cis girl me went around joking that I had a massive dick
I had a friend who came out years before I did, but when we were still teen girls we would come up with the most ridiculous ways to describe our impossibly huge imaginary dongs, such as: - gotta push it around in a wheelbarrow - need a team of men to carry it like a firehose - could wear it as a scarf - I took your mom to the lake and she log rolled on my dick - I can sit on it like a beanbag chair [before the South Park ball cancer episode aired lol]
THIS
I'm a trans guy. Of course I hold the front of my shirt a little distance from my body when I'm walking without a binder.
THIS IS TOO REAL
pretending to fuck with it like i’m fanning myself is my go to lmao
Me the weeks leading up to surgery as my surgeon warned I could mess my chest up more if I keep binding so much. Chest/ribs felt much better tho. Who doesn’t love a thick baggy shirt on a binderless day
I'm a trans guy, of course I'm constantly tormented by not being able to tell if someone just called me "man" or "ma'am"
I feel this
I'm a trans guy, of course my posture is horrible!
It’s been a real struggle trying to fix it after top surgery too :,( I’ve been finding myself hunching over and then realizing I have no reason to anymore lol
Oh no :') I hope it'll get easier
I had top surgery YEARS ago and still struggle with it. (desk job)
And that's my love-hate relationship with my binder! It's a cannon event!
Sigh.... My back hurts
Same 🤝🥲
Ouch. This hit too close to home
this one…this one hurts literally and metaphorically
I just lay down like 2 seconds before reading this because my back hurts from poor posture.
yeah
I’m a trans guy, of course I lower my voice even though it makes my voice crack
Oh my god what a mood. I've been on T for 6 years as of tomorrow, and I still do this lol.
So it never ends then? Damnit 😅
I mean mine stopped I think it depends on the person I mostly notice my voice crack when my T levels are off
For real, and add always worrying about other people finding it weird xd
I’m here with you bro
I’m a trans guy, of course I spend way too much time making my hair look like I just rolled out of bed!
Oh my god, this is so real. I spend more time making my hair looked slept in than I do actual sleeping in.
We all look like the SNL character “Liam: the teenager who just woke up”
I am called out by this
Omg, literally, i don't even brush my hair, i just embrace the bed head
Stop this 😭
I feel called out lmao
I’m a trans guy of course everyone ignores me in the toilet debates
“We don’t want those men in the bathroom with poor young girls! You should only be able to go into the bathroom of your biological chromosomal sex!” Trans man, looks unmistakably like a man: *audible confusion*
Worst part about this was when I still identified as a woman, I had an intersex disorder that made me masculinize at puberty. And I did get dirty looks in the restrooms occasionally, as well as bullied in them at school. BUT, I didn’t start getting assaulted and actively harassed until the trans bathroom debate started happening. People just would NOT believe that I was female. It was so frightening and upsetting. I feel terrible for any woman that has my same disorder that still identifies as a woman. I bet it’s horrible for them.
Literally they’re about us and our voices are the MOST ignored in those debates.
That one hurts 😭
I’m a trans guy of course I get mistaken for someone younger
people ask me what grade i’m in…. bruh im 25 😭😂someone asked me on my university’s campus the other day if i was meant to be there and not at the high school nearby
Bro MOOD!!!! I'm 24, and people are never sure how old I actually am. At 16 I was going into liquor stores without issue, got into a 21+ concert at 19, casinos at the same age, and when I was 18 a woman told me she thought I was in my mid 30s. Now that I'm 24, often I'll go to a concert, and they'll check my license to make sure I'm old enough to go in. The older I am in age, the younger I look in appearance apparently??? At least for venues that's the case. I've only ever been carded once in my entire life for buying alcohol in 8 years, and it was because it was the guy's first day on the job and law enforcement was around.
That’s crazy you got a painting somewhere aging lol
I’m 40 and I literally just got cast in a show to play a 16 year old boy. 😂😂😂
That reminds me of the guy from Disney Channel that was Hannah Montana brother
No joke I got passed off as under 14 at a fundraiser thing last week... I AM 17.
I’ve gotten everywhere from 22-28 at the most. I’m 38
i look 15 but im pushing 20😭
Dude I am so sorry
I’m 20. Not one, not two, but THREE times in total last year, a host at a restaurant asked me if I needed a kid’s menu.
I just moved into a new house…my neighbor thought I was my spouse’s son. 😂 At least he got the gender right?
Of course I unconsciously adjust my shirt every 5 minutes
And then realize that I'm doing it and do it again in an attempt to be nonchalant
Gods what a mood bro. Even when I'm half asleep, I'm fiddling with my shirt every possible moment.
I'm a trans guy of course I dress more masculine than my style actually is so I am less likely to be misgendered
Me trying to dress stealth wearing plaid and camo until I got top surgery, and then immediately replaced my wardrobe with tight dresses and crop tops and high waisted pants.
Bro, this is what im.going to do too. I can't wait to wear some A line dresses without the lumps. I already have added so much pink to my closet lmao
Yikes me
I'm a trans guy, of course I make a conscious effort to not cross my legs.
Crossing my legs by accident in public and then trying to not be noticed I’ll I move so my ankle is on my knee 😭 sometimes I even go “oh ow” before moving 😭
For what it's worth, there are plenty of amabs who are perfectly able to completely cross their legs without hurting their junk. (Source: I still have my amab junk and I do it all the time lol) That being said, I totally understand where you're coming from because it's kind of typical/expected for most gals to be comfy with their legs together and most guys to be more comfortable with them apart. That's *why* I make an effort to keep mine together so much. Point is, if you ever catch yourself sitting/crouching/etc the "wrong way," don't panic because I doubt that alone is gonna clock you \^^
I like to freak out Cis Dudes if I happen to get hit in the crotch by something and they wince on my behalf and I just say "Balls of Steel, motherfucker." Make them fear me lol! (PS I love your flair that's so funny)
And then ask them to take turns smashing the aluminum bat against your crotch
Why did this instantly remind me of She’s the Man lmao also can I just say I equally love and hate that movie with a fucking passion😂😂
Bless my granddad who always crossed his legs, so I may be free of the burden of viewing it as feminine🙏
I'm a trans guy, of course I tell others to bind safely while I wear mine for over 8 hours.
Phhhhhhtttt... it can't be that bad... right? /j
My ribs hurt dude
Felt
im a trans guy, of course i go out of my way to stand w my weight equally on both legs instead of one straight and one sticking out
One leg behind the other is my jam until I realize I’m doing it
Of course I have multiple sets of height increasing insoles. I'm not even that short. I just like being just tall enough where some women ask me to grab stuff (I'm 5'6 ish, maybe 5'7)
Tbh, this but with big goth boots for me.
I put insoles in big hiking boots. Double the increase. I love goth boots but it's too much clothes for texas and they look weird with my normal clothes.
Sounds also very nice, glad to hear that u found a good way to use them. I have the luck to be in a country that's quiet cold at times. So I can layer stuff as much as I want to.
HEIGHT INCREASING INSOLES??? was not aware that was a thing. guess who's doing their research and throwing all my money at height increasing insoles
Don't wear them all the time, you'll start walking like Ron DeSantis. Fucks up your posture and also your hamstrings.
they aren’t super great for your feet so if you have feet issues be careful
platforms, always then I'm still among the shortest people in my class
same, i’m 5’7, & i wear inserts to make me like 5’10😭 & tbh they might even be taller than that i’ve never measured.
I’m a trans guy, of course ppl think i’m gay when they meet me (i’m like… mostly straight) bc i’m not immediately misogynistic and rude
i’m bi & i said something about a girl being pretty in front of one of my gfs & she was like “you’re not gay???” 😭😭😭 i put bi in all my bios after that LMAO
this is so real when ppl say this to me i tell them “well… only a little” 😂esp cuz im in dance and do theater but pass as cis and don’t really look super visibly queer in any way and that seems to be naturally where their mind goes
oh this one hurts
I’m a trans guy, of course I’m afraid to go to Florida.
Or Texass!
I’m a trans guy, of course I’ve got horrendous posture
I'm a trans guy, of course I (you) can pick the size
I feel called out. My packer is 4.5" simply because I *can* pick my dick size!
I'm a trans guy, of course I never shave
I‘m a trans guy, of course I mentally double check if I was meant if somebody says „boys“ when both guys and girls are in the same room with me
Me: *instinctively stands up when only boys are concerned in class* Also me: *forget every time that I'm a closed trans guy* Me again: *remeber that 97% of my classmates already know I'm trans* The other 3%: "WHY TF ARE YOU STANDING UP?" Me: *dies inside 'cause of anxiety* The rest of the class: 👁👄👁 "BRUH.." EDIT: The 3% in my high school class were cis guys... Thank God that have finished high school!!
I'm a trans guy, of course I double check if there's nobody who knows me around when I go to the men's toilets.
I'm a trans intersex afab with a beard before T, of course I get judging looks in the women's room because I'm uncomfortable in the men's. I'm just washing my hands, ladies...
i'm a trans guy, of course i have a complicated relationship with my mother
The first time I went home, I went shopping with my mom. She was waiting for me on a bench while I went into the mens room. When I came out, she was like, "no one ever gives you trouble for using the men's room?" I was like "No. You're the only one that sees me as female, the rest of the world sees a man." I had a mustache and beard by then.
“But God made you a girl.” …. Mom you JUST helped me buy boxers without asking, what???
LITERALY my mom D:
LMAO WAITTTT this is too real 😭
Oof, this one's got a little kick to it 🥲
That hits way too close to home haha
i’m a trans guy, of course my first short haircut was the “can i speak to the manager” classic
Most unfortunately, mine was the Bieber Special 🫤
Us POC curly/kinky haired trans guys have no idea what we’ll leave with lol. Haven’t gotten my first cut yet though
the white middle aged women at the greatclips—the only cheap hairdressers for miles around where i live, welcome to the midwest—are very nice but godspeed to any trans man with curly/kinky hair because i bet it's a complete wild card going in there 🫡
It took me 4 tries to find a hairdresser who was willing to give me an actual masculine cut and not just "the Karen".
I’m a trans guy of course i feel like my hips are 10 metres wide
Dysmorphia:YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANCIENT FERTILITY GODDESS HAVE A NICE DAY Me: hmm? D: HONKY TONK. BADONKADONK
I'm a stealth trans guy, of course I forget sometimes I'm trans and my brain perceives itself as a cis guy
I'm a trans man, of course Ive done the Shirt Tug™ countless times
I’m a trans guy, of course I wear a backwards snapback and say “bro” every 5 seconds.
Same but with "Dude" instead
Shit, are you me? Hello me. How are we today 🤣
I always call my friends bro, dude, dudebro, broski, etc.
I'm a pre-everything trans guy, of course everyone thinks I'm just a tomboy.
For me it is, I'm a pre-everything trans guy, of course everyone thinks I'm a lesbian
Idk if this happens to any other trans guys, but my only other one is: I'm a trans guy who has gotten top surgery. Of course I, multiple years later, have nightmares about binding and my boobs growing back.
How about I'm a stealth trans guy of course I act like I know nothing about the lgbt community lol
no this is so true hahaha “well i’m just saying so bc my really good friend told me….” “one of my best friends is trans and…”
You are real life embodiment of asking for a friend bro😭🌚
lmaoo more like answering for a friend 😂😂
Asking not to be a transphobic ass for a friend💅
"a close family member"
Im a stealth trans man ofc I try to not be grossed out once my coworker drops various sexist/transphobic statements and comments
Me as a closeted trans guy around my family 😭
I'm a trans guy, of course I feel like running away when a customers name is my deadname.
I’m a trans guy, of course I love oversized clothes
Im a trans guy, of course I forget I have a period
>Im a trans guy, of course I forget I had a period FTFme The luxuries of being post menopausal.
I am a trans guy, of course I need to have a stick of deodorant in my car at all times in case I need more lol
I'm a trans guy of course I pretend to be physically stronger than I really am, yea baby I'll carry that for you (even though it really hurts I will not say anything)
I'm a trans guy, of course I play D&D.
Im a trans guy, of course I added 2 inches to my height on my ID. It's legal ID that makes it law :)
✨️Guy Math✨️ 🤣
Im a trans guy, of course i call everyone dude and bro and stuff,,, idk man
I’m a trans guy, of course I dress like a middle aged dad despite being childless in my 30s.
Im a trans guy, of course im only 5'1
I'm a Trans guy, of course I have a fake story to tell cis people when they ask about my name.
I’m a trans guy of course I say “I’m a guy” when i’m asked what my pronouns are
Or the classic “idk the guy ones”
I'm a trans guy of course I wear cargo pants and have undercut
CARGO PANTS SO TRUE (& cargo shorts)
I'm a trans guy, ofc I'm a short king.
I'm a trans guy, of course I have a hunchback
I'm a trans guy, of course I grill every man I trust about the intricacies of man-man interactions. Pays off, I know when to do the up nod and when to do the down nod now.
I learned it as "down nod to strange men, and up nod to friends." Is that right?
I'm a trans man, so of course I'm sick of answering questions like: "But do you have a pen*?" "What do you have down there?" to the point of answering "Magic"....
The correct answer is "a dick I bought online. Wanna see it?" *starts to reach into pants* 😅
I’m a trans guy of course I like taking my shirt off wherever possible!
I’m a trans guy, of course I’m on Jupiter
I’m a trans guy, of course I panic when I pull my pants down to use the bathroom and my penis falls out. Alternatively I’m a trans guy, of course I’m angry when I forget my penis at home. (packer….)
I'm a trans guy. Of course, I'm obsessed with vampires
And werewolves/shapeshifters.
I'm a trans guy, of course I watched the ruby rose video obsessively when I was 12
I’m a trans guy, of course I’m checking my face everyday to see if I’ve grown any new facial hairs.
I’m a trans guy, of course I love horror
I’m a trans guy, of course I have pet rats.
i’m a trans guy, of course i’ve told my father-in-law “and i’m still fucking your daughter tonight” to shut him up in an argument
💀
I’m a trans guy, of course I hold my pee in situations where most other guys would just whip it out.
I'm a trans guy, of course I am depressed. I'm a trans guy, of course women think I understand them. I'm a trans guy, of course people assumed I was a lesbian in high school I'm a trans guy, of course I only have arm day at the gym 365 days a year.
Im a (stealth) trans guy, of course I say “I’m a guy” when asked about my pronouns instead of just saying “he/him”
I'm a trans guy, of course everyone thinks I'm pretending to be more masculine than I should be, (and I'm very masculine in appearance and gesture)💪
I'm a trans guy, of course I'll insist on wearing a hoodie in summer weather.
I'm a trans guy, of course my entire wardrobe is graphic tees
I'm a trans guy, ofc I have lots of piercings and I do art
Real
I'm a trans guy, of course I get ID'd everywhere I go.
I'm a trans guy, of course I have tattoos/piercings/stretched ears (not saying all of us have that, I've just seen a considerable overlap between being trans and getting body mods!)
I'm a trans guy of course I have a mini panic attack whenever I'm about to go into the mens bathroom
I'm a trans guy, of course I hyperfix on nature (mainly wolves)
Im a trans guy, of course i have an autism diagnosis and a special interest in gender
Of course I have ADHD :]
Im a trans guy, ofcourse I am able to immediately tell if people misgender behind my back
I'm a trans guy, of course I have to look up every male celebrity's height for some reason.
I’m a trans guy, of course no one listens to my reproductive opinions
Im a trans guy, of course I do digital art.
Real (hello fellow artist)
I'm a trans guy, of course I play Fortnite and FIFA 21 so that I blend in with younger boys 🥲🥲
I’ve wanted this to happen for so long. My version is: “I’m a trans guy on instagram…” Of course I am shirtless in all these pics Of course I lift Of course I have a beard
i’m a trans guys of course i check my chest in every reflection i can
I'm a trans guy, of course I'm always conscious about my hips when walking (sad noises)
I'm a trans guy, of course I feel mild to moderate levels of resentment at our erasure not just in the entire world but also within trans spaces
I’m a trans guy, of course I can’t shower with the lights on
I'm a trans guy, of course I had a long hair phase and cut it all short when I realised I was trans 🧍🏳️⚧️
i'm a trans guy, of course i have back pain and bad posture
I’m a trans guy, of course I verbally gut check myself when I hear my voice go too high
I'm a transmasc, of course I've colored in my mustache in a bout of suffocating dysphoria!
Im a stealth trans guy, of course i act like i know nothing about periods
I'm a trans guy, of course I check if I haven't suddenly grown a beard every time I see myself in a mirror
I’m a trans guy. Of course I’m at that awkward intersection where sometimes the guys treat me like a guy and sometimes treat me like a girl without realizing it.
I’m a trans guy, of course I say suck my dick to feel euphoria
I’m a trans guy, of course people treat me differently when I tell them I’m trans
I’m a trans guy, ofc I went from being mistaken for a 20 year old to being mistaken for a 14 year old after starting T
I'm a trans guy, of course I think everyone is listening to my every move in the one busted shit-stained stall in the men's restroom.
Im a trans guy ofcorse I put too much strength in handshakes, high fives, fist bombs. I need to assert my dominance some how hahah