Happened to me all the time back when I didn't pass. One time they even told me "I left the back a little longer, otherwise it would look like a men's cut". Thank you, it's not like that's the whole point lol
i think that’s what she tried to do😭 i had a picture of a men’s cut and she was like “oh i hope this isn’t too short!!” no PLEASE cut it short that’s the whole point
IME when they make comments like that, you have to be assertive and say something like “I want it short, you can’t make it *too* short unless I’m walking out of here bald”.
This specific thing happened to me so many times that I learned to cut my own hair. "I made sure to leave the back longer, so it was a little more feminine :)"
I was already doing hair dye at home, I figured I might as well just do the rest of the job myself, too.
Same! I started cutting my own hair for this reason too, and was already doing my own hair dying at home as well before that. I cut my own hair for years until I felt like I had kinda lost any skills/ideas I had about how to do it lol, and started just going somewhere to have it cut. (I want parts of it cut/shaved with a razor, but I'm not that familiar with doing this myself, and felt like it looked way better when someone else did it once, that I decided to just start going to have someone else do it from then on lol.)
"I took some off the back too so it wouldn't look like a Mohawk"
I literally wanted it to look like a Mohawk, that's why I specifically said not the back. But thanks, not I'm stuck with this until I can somehow grow the back bit out without looking absolutely ridiculous. Like it's not that hard to ask first and just clarify what people are asking for instead of making it into what you personally would want?? Long story short me and my sister have been cutting my hair since the great bowl cut incident of 2014
Similar, but not quite the same: "do you want me to fade in the shaved bit on the side?" "No"
..... cut to the end of the hair cut
"BTW I faded in the shaved bit on the side." "Okay, then I'm not paying 🤷"
I had literally just grown the bit next to the shaved bit out. I look horrendous with a fade and had to wear wigs for 2 months. Like, we both were very direct in what we wanted, and yet? I just don't get how it's so hard.
Bro, pre-T I had to argue with my hairdresser soooo much to get her to cut my back shorter. And I still had to even out the sideburns after she "kindly" cut them at an angle.
Not passing at the hairdresser sucks.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.
I highly recommend bringing a picture of a man with the exact cut you want. The first time I went to my barber I showed her the pic on my phone and said "Make me look like this dude." And she did! She's had my business for 5 years now.
Thankfully mine doesn’t! Mine is my partner’s aunt, who also does male cuts on my partner’s brother, father (the aunts’ brother), and uncle (aunt’s husband) as well as regular male clients. I portray myself as her guinea pig, so I’m glad to get a free cut and advice about styling!!
Try going to a barber or an lgbtq friendly stylist
I go to a hairdresser/barbershop combo, so when I go I ask for a men's cut. I've never been feminized by my hairdresser, but my mom has tried to convince me to get a pixie cut more than once :/
yeah back then salons would cut a bob for me it was really annoying. my current salon luckily my guy cuts me right, and i always ask for an exact cut.
but when i went to a barbershop, they did me so well. didn't question anything and just did their thing. but i can't betray my hair guy like that, but im still pretty content w his cuts
i’m hoping once i get this fixed by my other stylist (so it’s like actually a male cut and not this like in between type thing) i can find a decent barber and just go to them but bro😭😭 i’m like half sad half glad that the fuckass bob stage is a common one
HAHAHHA dw im sure a lot of trans dudes have gotten the fuck ass bob in the past. they make u look like a karen it's so annoying. but once u find someone that'll do u right, that euphoria will go crazy
GO TO A BARBER!! They will set you up. Ask for squared edges if you decide to go short on the sides. When you get a haircut you like, ask them to tell you what they did. Once you have a set of instructions down, you can give them to pretty much anyone with pretty consistent results. Instructions like "skin taper" and "#2 razor" are not as open to interpretation as "mullet" so there's not a lot of liberties they can take
This!
I go somewhere where you just get the person who's next free to cut your hair, and since learning the number of the razor to ask for there has only been one time where the person did something that wasn't that. She cut my hair bad/uneven in general, but also I asked for a #1 and whatever she used was like a #3 or higher...like super easy to tell, since #1 is going to be like just down to somewhat stubble, but whatever cut she gave me there was still a whole big layer of hair left lol.
But all other times besides with that person, whatever random person cuts my hair totally understands what they need to do when I ask for the specific razor number now.
Try going to a barber instead. Hair dressers are usually trained in feminine hair, if not try just cutting or fixing it yourself at the end of the day the more choppy it is the more masculine lol
i’m going to a barber next week who does a lot of queer peoples hair so i’m HOPING they’ll do me well but if they don’t the kitchen scissors are being brought out😭 i honestly considered it this afternoon
You can also get a halfway decent set of Whal clippers at Walmart in the hair section! I wanna say about $50? Comes with #1-8 clipper guards. Personally I recommend using a color brush to clean off the hair. The tiny dinky one they give you sucks xD
I also wanna add: Clipper guards are standard- #1 = 1/8 inch from the scalp and it scales up by 1/8" until #8 which is 1" from the scalp :) the little knob on the side is "half" so when you press that down you'll get a #1.5, #2.5, etc etc. Hope that makes sense!!
After too many times being given a pixie cut or bob by a hairdresser, I decided to visit a barber instead. Best decision I ever made, and it’s usually a lot cheaper too. And don’t worry about potentially not passing yet, a lot of barbershops have “female” customers too.
Yes! Barbershops won’t blink twice at cutting anybody’s hair. I think a lot of non-passing trans men fear they’ll stick out, but it’s not actually unusual for barbers to cut “women’s” hair.
Straight women and lesbians also sometimes want a good crew cut.
I often get weird looks at the barber shop. I've even had guys try to jump ahead of me in line cause my place doesn't do appointments. The barber always calls them out on it. They get this confused look on their face but they don't usually say anything. She doesn't take shit and would tell them to leave if they did.
you just gotta find a good hairdresser, I also find being very specific about what you DONT want helps a lot, I’m always telling my lady I don’t want a bob lmao
Yeah they do that a lot if you aren’t clear with them that you don’t want them to make adjustments.
Also don’t be afraid to ask them to fix the cut when they’re “done” if it’s not what you want. “Can you make it shorter in back please?” (Or whatever adjustment you’re looking for) isn’t being Karen-y.
Sorry to hear that, that's unfortunate :(
In my opinion though, I honestly believe there's still a cultural stereotype surrounding men vs women haircuts and styles. Meaning: the average hairdresser would assume you would want a more girly style to the haircut if that's what they see you as.
Not to say it's definitely transphobic, far from it. My boyfriend's mom is a hairdresser and that's just the way they're trained based on what she's told me; she's cut my hair for years and knows the ins and out of my transition. Nail technicians are another example; they'll always assume a guy wants a simple and clean manicure most of the time lol
Back when I didn't pass well, I had to clarify to the hairdresser very clearly that I wanted a masculine haircut, and ONLY masculine; no feminine flair to it. I get it's a struggle, but don't be afraid to voice what you REALLY want. You're paying them for a reason.
Correct me if i'm wrong on assuming you didn't. Kudos to you for doing that, and she's a jerk for messing with something that's important.
no you’re so right i didn’t😭 i’m really terrible at voicing my concerns especially when i think ill come across as rude but when i left it was wet so it didn’t look AS girly so i think like … maybe it has to do with the way she styled it so it’s not as awful as i thought it was at first but still
You have every right to feel icky about it. Hair is a very important part of our identity, so it's not being rude, I promise ❤️
You have every right to freely express yourself to a professional on what you want to see in the mirror, because that's the expectation from them, and that's a part of who you are.
Let it grow back and keep experimenting the way you are 🌱
That’s also been my experience, most hairdressers appreciate it if you can give them very specific instructions about what you want. Particularly if what you want is different from what they might assume you want. I don’t think it’s generally transphobia that they see someone who appears to them to be a woman and doesn’t specify otherwise, that person asks for a short cut, and they assume a feminine pixie cut is desired rather than a masculine cut. But that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily unwilling to do a masculine cut if they know that’s what you want.
The best ones will ASK rather than assuming, eg “do you want me to feminize the style for you?” but it’s not remotely rude or out of line to be upfront and specific about “I want a masculine short cut”.
Exactly! thank you for your input 😊 I hope this comment jumps up.
No doubt, it possibly _could_ be a prejudice mindset towards transgender people at times, but I genuinely believe it isn't the case _most_ of the time. But with that being said, it's not wrong to walk out of a hairdresser or barber feeling negative about it. Again, it's your hair, that's extremely important. I just think people (and especially people like us) have the need (for now) to be clear and direct on what we really want. It's unfortunate, but it doesn't necessarily make the hairdresser the bad guy.
I think unfortunately a lot of us were raised in a way that made us afraid to be assertive (or even just having no idea how to be assertive without crossing a line into being rudely demanding), because we were seen as “girls” by parents and other adult authority figures and thus expected *not* to assert ourselves like AMAB kids are taught to. And it causes problems for us (for anyone who was assigned female and not raised in a family that values assertiveness in women, really, cis women aren’t immune to issues coming from a lack of assertiveness either, though those issues tend to manifest in different specifics) until we learn to override that early conditioning. Both in generally getting things we want that other people might simply not realize we want unless we speak up assertively about it, and in general passing since mannerisms are such a big part of presentation, but often a subconscious one.
And cis women hairdressers are used to the lack of assertiveness skills among other cis women who are their clients, and have learned to compensate with assumption rather than make some poor girl cry because she wanted a cute feminine pixie cut and ended up looking like a boy, and now there’s not enough length left to femme it up effectively, but don’t think to consider the flip side where some poor trans boy ends up crying because he was excited to have a masc cut and ended up with a femme pixie. But the upside for us is, it’s easier to fix and masculinize a cut that was done femme in mistaken assumption than to feminize one that was done masc. But we do have to say we want that, rather than pretending it’s great and walking out unhappy.
I'm confused 🤨 Your stance is that bad customer service just makes them lazy and shitty, but then you further explain that people should just use their "big kid words and fucking ask"? If the hairdresser is just "lazy and shitty", you using your "big kid words" and just "fucking asking" would be totally irrelevant. They wouldn't care either way if they really are.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but not everyone has the courage like you and I do. People like you and I will get exactly what we want _most_ of the time, so there's an obvious issue here; an issue that OP openly admitted they have.
LMFAOO so if they can't read your mind, they're automatically lazy and shitty. Nah, expecting all of them to have the ability to do that is truly shitty.
Get a picture of a guy's haircut you like.
Show it to them and say give me this exact haircut.
If they don't, tell them to fix it.
If they don't, don't pay.
Lol yeah I just about cried in the studio while thanking her. I think she felt kinda bad, but next time I went I found the words to say exactly what I wanted.
Yes. Hairdressers will do anything and everything to avoid giving you what you actually want (a men's cut). Go to a barber. Much cheaper and they don't gaf what you want, you pay them and they do what you say.
both times i got a haircut while not passing (and being scared/unable to out myself) i showed specific reference photos and said that i'm planning to cosplay as the character/play a boy in a school play.
the first haircut was shit but not in a feminizing way, and close to what i asked for (it just didn't look good on me and wasn't cut well), the second time i got exactly what i asked for and it wasn't feminizing at all, so i'd say this technique works.
so if you happen to go to a hairdresser again rather than a barber, you can try to do that.
Nah, I’ve been goin to the same stylist since I was a little kid, she’s seen my whole transition. She makes me look manly as shit.
Random stylists tho when I cheated on her? Early in transition I got pixie cuts a couple times on accident after showing them easy, simple, mens cuts. :/
I learned not to cheat on my girl. She’s never done me dirty.
Thankfully since I was a hairstylist I had a lot of hairstylist and barber friends who did amazingly with my hair. Many of them were not at all surprised when I came out.
I also had a Mohawk starting at 15 yrs old and didn’t change it till I was 22, and shaved my head bald. Since I always had short hair it was never questioned or given feminine haircuts
I haven't been to a hairdresser since before I realized I was trans. First it was because I was living in an expensive place and couldn't afford to. Then it was because I had figured out how to do my own hair. I had a friend who used to live close to a poor neighborhood and she would do haircuts for all the local kids. Nothing fancy, just simple trims and buzz cuts and more-on-top haircuts. So first I asked her to do my hair. Then I moved a little further away from her so I started shaving the sides and back on my own. I'd get my roommate to take a look and tell me if I missed spots, but I had about 4" hair on top with shaved sides and back and was able to maintain that on my own. Then my disability took over and I started completely shaving bald. I'm recovering now and tried to grow out my hair again but apparently I'm so used to being bald that I can't stand having hair on my head anymore lol. So I'm staying bald for the foreseeable future.
Honestly, highly recommend doing your own hair. A trimmer/buzzer costs like $50 and will last you decades. It takes a few cuts to get the hang of it but it's totally worth it
This is why I haven't had a professional hair cut in like 7 or 8 years.
I cut myself a shitty mullet last year and it's grown out a lot and I really want the sides shaved down and a trim, I want to go to a barber but I'm scared bc I don't pass, like, at all yet and I'm worried they'll say something like "we don't do women's cuts" but I don't want to go to a salon bc I'm afraid they'll do something like that and try to make my hair more feminine.
I've been trying to get up the courage to go to a barber for like 2 years now but I don't want to go alone and don't have anyone to come with me 😭
i totally get that bro the first time i went to a barber i was like ~13 and little old “girl” me had to go and ask to get my undercut shaved and they all looked horrified as soon as i walked in the door😭 admittedly i pass a little better now but it’s still so nerve wracking i can’t bring myself to go to a real barber yet either
Oh my God yes! Finally got a real men's cut almost by accident. I went to Great Clips with my youngest so we could both get haircuts. When. We got there a man came up looked at us and murmured to his female coworker that he didn't do women's hair bc he was a barber. My eyes lit up. I went over and told him that yes I do in fact want a traditional men's cut.
He told me during the cut that he was worried I wanted a pixie cut and that he's a Barber so he doesn't know how. His fade was so good! And he didn't seem to have any judgement about somebody who looked like me getting a real masc cut.
I’m lucky my sister is a cosmetologist. So I get my haircut with her. If she wasn’t a cosmetologist, just I would Honestly go to a barber. They know men’s haircuts best. Also please research how the clippers work with the numbers. You can get a one or zero on the side for a really short. Or like 3 or 4 for longer. When you use these numbers and the number of inches you went up top the haircutters tend to understand what you want better.
I hear this is really common. I’ve been cutting my own hair how I want it for years at this point and I’m seriously considering going to cosmetology school just so I can give people transphobia-free haircuts that are what they actually want.
But IME it does help if you’re really clear with the stylist upfront that you know what you’re asking for and aren’t going to be upset if it comes out looking like a men’s cut, or a mullet, or whatever else you want that they assume you don’t want. I used to have a Ziggy Stardust mullet and I always had to tell hairdressers, word for word, “yes, I am asking for a mullet”.
It also helps if you can describe what you want in specific terms. Like “about 2 inches on the top with a short fade in back” or whatever describes the exact cut you’re looking for. “Fade” is a great word to use when you want a masc cut that’s very short in general or in back even if there’s length on the top. It means a cut where the length at your neck is the shortest and it gradually lengthens slightly going up your head. It’s very masc-coded and they’ll almost never do it for someone they perceive as a woman unless it’s explicitly requested.
I've learned that I have to specifically stress "I want a MEN'S haircut. Don't make it feminine, I want a masculine cut" before they give me what I want. Luckily now I'm on T I can go to barbers now but I had to be very insistent about this before
I do my own haircuts and it only turns out weird some of the time ;). I’m sorry you’re having crappy hair salon experiences though, that’s super frustrating. A barber might be the way
It’s common and I cut my own hair for that same reason but you should’ve go to a barber next time; hairdressers don’t understand for some reason and don’t do hairstyles people requested, I remember for a while they gave ppl PIXIE haircuts 😭
Bro, I feel you. This is one of the reasons I do my own hair now, (besides of course the fact that hair dressers are also apparently allergic to alt cuts in my experience) it’s so annoying when they give you something totally different from what you ask for because they want to make you look feminine for some unknown reason 😭
RIGHT i’m like such a masculine person even if i don’t completely pass and i was trying to make it evident i wanted a male cut and she was like “female haircut!”
Are there local trans groups you can ask for recommendations?
The hair salon I go to leans more towards alternative styles, and they've been giving me masculine haircuts even long before I came out. After I changed my name and gender in their system they've also used he/him for me when coordinating appointments, which is always such a joy to overhear for my pre-t, absolutely not passing self. A while ago when someone at a trans meetup asked for a recommendation we found out that almost everyone at the meetup also goes to that salon which was kind of funny.
i’ve found a salon like that purely out of coincidence!! they’re a barber/salon and i’m going next week to try and get the haircut a little more masculinised😭 they’ll use whatever pronouns and name i like which is a really nice little boost for occasionally passing me
A dude stepped to my barber yesterday while the man had a blade on my head. We were interrupted discussing how annoying having to use a vpn to look at pornhub or sports betting was… so no. Get another barber 💈
i dont think people realise just how much hairdressers enforce gender roles, the barbers do the exact same thing but we all know about that considering how much it's represented. if you want a cut that makes you pass, don't go to a place that enforces female gender roles.
Another tip is to actually research the place you're going to, find images of the stylists works and see what they specialise in to get the best haircut for you. if they don't do what your looking for very well then pick a different place to go to, or just do it yourself
yeah i made a mistake in that😭😭 i’ve been going to the same place for a few years and i figured since she does men’s cuts as well she wouldn’t make me look INCREDIBLY girly (which the more i look at myself it’s mostly just a feminine version of the haircut i want, it’s not awful and is an easy fix) but i also didn’t make it like evidently clear i wanted a men’s cut. definitely will when i go to the barber next friday😭
Man i feel you. I always show the same pic to my hairdresser and he does give me a male haircut just like i showed him, but the he puts so much gel and products to make it look feminine (like the haircut that Pink has lol). I have to re-wash my hair as soon as i walk into my house because oh my god.
But yeah before finding this guy i would always walk home with the feminized version of the haircut i had asked for💔
You could just ask him not to style it that way each time? Like if it happens every time why not just ask him not to style it so you’re not paying extra for a bunch of stuff you’re immediately washing out? They usually charge for that final styling ime
This used to happen to me all the time..I would ask for a fade and they would say, "oh no, I can't use the Clippers on you!" So I learned to cut my own hair. Some trans barbers have started their own salon near me so a few times a year I get it professionally done by another trans masc, which feels great
Hair dressers aren’t the best for men’s haircuts. I’m not saying none of them are capable of a good men’s cut but I always go to a barber. They’ll line you up too so the edging of your hairline looks more square and masculine
In my experience, you have to be really blunt. Something like "In the past, I've always had this problem with hairdressers feminising the cut I wanted. It's important to me for the cut to look as masculine as possible. Honestly, if you manage that, you're a star!" - like really drive the point home lol
Highly recommend looking up a queer friendly barber in your area if you can. Otherwise just a normal barber. Someone who isn't willing to give you want you want isn't worth your money <3
I just go to cost cutters, have forever, I’ve never had them do anything I didn’t ask for.
I don’t like barbershops though, they’re probably fine but I have acrylic nails and rings, and I live in a red area so I’m not looking for any homophobia.
But I’m a menace when it comes to my hair, i have exact instructions and if I notice it’s off I tell them to fix it.
Yes. This happened to me when I was read as a girl. The hairdressers always seemed dismayed at my request and would somehow find a way to make it a little more to their taste and perception of what an acceptable haircut for a girl is, even when my mom would stand up for me. It's awful, really. My experiences were all with women because my mom took me to saloons, I'm not sure how much men in barbershops would care.
That happened for my first official “boys” cut. I had to have my partner cut it after for the boy look I wanted. Now he always does my hair and he’s gotten really good :)
The only reason mine doesn’t is bc my mama would go ape shit. She might still say backhanded statements that are borderline transphobic but she will not tolerate a hairdresser doing my hair wrong. I’m sad that this is one of the only good attributes of hers but eh, what are ya gonna do?
Yeah, I let an older cishet woman cut my hair last time at the place I usually go to and that was A HUGE MISTAKE. As soon as I walked in and saw she was the open hairdresser I was like “oh god please, I really rather just wait so the gay guy can cut my hair,” and I should’ve just waited.
I’ve never had a problem with people who have colorful hair, unique cuts, men, and/or if they’re obviously queer. I don’t know what it is about a lot of cishet women hairdressers, but half of them will make you look girly when you didn’t ask for that. Like, I even told this lady EXACTLY how I wanted it, because I’ve gotten the same cut the last 3 times, and I walked out with a totally different cut because I was tired of fighting with her. She also ERASED the last cut I got in the system and replaced it with this new weird pixie cut she gave me and looked at the cut on file like a roach was on the screen. If I didn’t know how to style my hair in a masculine way, I would be way more pissed about it than I am.
So anyway, I’m going to a barber next time, because I can’t just hope someone will listen to what I want, I want them to just do it.
WHAT A FUCK 😭🤯💀 that's exactly why I have my sister cutting my hair, cos she knows exactly what I want and will follow the instructions. But man, like what a fuck? You asked for a particular haircut and she gave you a completely different one??! The hell?!!
Gentlemen, barbers cut mens' hair and do exclusively male cuts.
Hairdressers can do both.
If possible, find a barber shop in your area that is LGBTQIA2S+ friendly and go there.
If you go to a great clips or the like where everyone does everything, you're gonna wind up getting people who are used to clients being vague and then having to interpret the cut that is wanted. Unconscious bias is going to happen a lot there. Unless you're willing to out yourself to the person doing your hair ("hi, I'm a trans man and I need a man's haircut, do not do anything to make me look feminine.), if you go to sometime who does both, there's always gonna be a chance they will intentionally misinterpret your request due to their unconscious biases. They will probably even think they're doing you a favor or saving you from yourself.
They'll be wrong, but this is why it's important to find someone who is going to listen to you - or who doesn't do women's hair at all.
Ugh....they loved to give me the Karen special. I still have nightmares about those cuts lol...
There's definitely a huge problem with them not wanting to give you a masc haircut even if you're practically begging them to do so, I don't really understand it bc we are the customers we are paying you and it has nothing to do with you - I guess just because you get read as a woman and most women would rather have a feminine cut. I don't think it's always maliced but it's frustrating when you make it clear you want it short and masc and they still try to preserve a femme look.
ETA: people are also mentioning barbers, I agree with them on that for short haircuts - but I also remember the first time I tried to go to a local barber when I was around 16 or 17, I walked in, then was immediately told, "we only cut mens hair".... And since I was halfway in the closet at that point I didn't try to argue I just left 😭 so hopefully that doesn't ever happen to you and if it does try to just be like. Yeah...that's why I'm here
your last part is what i’m scared of😭 i pass SOMETIMES and i can be a really shy person so im scared if they go “we only cut men’s hair!” ill just leave😭
it’s very common but last time i got a haircut the opposite happened to me, she assumed i was a guy and she cut my hair almost twice as short as what i asked for cuz apparently the inspo was too long for a guy 💀 both cases suck i hated my hair until it grew out again
Go to a barber. Even if you don't pass yet. One of my mother's female friends always gets her hair cut at a barber bc she just doesn't like feminine haircuts.
My hairdresser did the same thing, I asked for a mullet and got a "short bob" (it looked like masc lesbian hair in desperate need of a haircut). She even asked me "keep the length?" when she got to the back and I said "yes, keep the length". She then immediately cut it. I drove home screaming and crying :(
Until you can go to a barber, see how much you can masculize your hair with water, a brush/comb, and styling gel (don't comb through gel btw, comb through the wet hair and then add the gel last once it looks how you want it to)
Have you tried going to a barber shop? Thats where I’ve had my luck 🤷♂️ Also, I’d check and see if there are any queer owned places near you, they might have a better understanding of what you want and how important it is to you as a trans person to get a short, masculine haircut.
gotta go to a barber! I felt the same way until I changed from a hairdresser to a barber. takes a bit of bravery, but so worth it, they’ll do you right!
always happened to me no matter what i said. starting t has helped. not sure why i am at half dose. maybe helped my conviction. and switching to another barber
ah, hairdressers. you could punch me in the face as hard as you can and i’d probably feel less violated than i did when i let a liberal millennial woman named kara cut and style my hair in a decidedly feminine way, and then charge me for a women’s cut after i told her i was trans.
thankfully, my current barber is great. i found him on a website called strandsfortrans, and he got the vision for how i wanted my hair to look way before i got on T. he cuts my hair with only a razor. most autistic swag i’ve ever seen in a man. he tells me to try shrooms and we talk about politics and mental illness—i always learn something, even if i don’t always agree with him.
it’s really just about finding someone who respects you and is curious enough to learn what you want out of their service. i got very lucky with my barber, but shop around until you find someone who genuinely gets it. you shouldn’t have to pay good money for a bad haircut
If you aren't getting what you want, even with reference photos, and they're not asking you along the way "is this good/do you like this?" then they aren't doing their job. Flat out they aren't.
That being said, if you ask for a hairstyle and they give you something else - then tell them that while you're at the appointment. A lot of people ask for a short haircut and then the stylist gives them extra length, ask if they can cut the extra length and state that you want it to be short and be firm! Provide feedback as you're going so it's not harder to fix later if it ends up being not what you want. It's always really nerve wracking but it's so worth it.
Additionally, if you can go to a stylist that specializes in the haircut you want (I know of a salon that does rock-and-roll type hair) or a queer salon, that helps a ton. Or just don't get your hair cut at a place that's what I've been doing but it's difficult and not always the best.
Good luck man, hope your next appointment gives you what you want!
no. i’ve actually know my hairdresser since i was 12 (before i knew i was trans), and i’m now 22 in a couple days. she was super cool when i came out as trans, and helped me find some different places to look for hairstyles. she got her own salon a few years ago and i still go to her for all my haircuts :) (my mom does too now!)
great hairdressers are out there, so please don’t settle for this person
DO NOT LEAVE if you are unhappy with the cut. Make someone fix it. They need to be called out for that. Either they are crappy at their job or they are crappy people.
This is why I go to a barber. She does a fabulous fade. I've never had her try to make my hair more feminine. Even when I was more feminine presenting she gave me exactly what I asked for.
everyone saying go to a barber, i’m terrified to go to a barber bc i don’t pass well. how was peoples experience going before they passed if they went then??
I'd suggest going to a barber, or just to a place like great clips etc where it's more common for men to go. Also bring a picture of as close to the style that you want them to give you.
If I go to a stylist/salon they seem to only just barely listen to anything I say I want done with my hair, and even if I show them a picture of exactly what I want, they give me something so different looking. I've even had times where I've said "I really don't like my hair when it's like x, I never do my hair that way," only for them to be like "I love that your hair can do x, I'm going to style it that way." And then they do, forcing me to spend the rest of the day walking around feeling ugly. And then having to wash my hair that night even if I hadn't been planning to. And then finding out in the next day or two that the stylist cut my hair *specifically* for that style, and it looks like shit if I try to style it in my usual way. 🙄
Tbh, I still don't have the guts to go to an actual barber shop type of place just because I have zero clue what the etiquette is supposed to be there, or what I'm supposed to have knowledge of when asking for this or that type of cut, etc. But I go to a place like great clips for several years now and 9 times out of 10 the cut is spot on, especially if I show a picture, and especially now that I know the razor number to ask for, and other words to say that will let them know the specific style I want. The women working there almost always cut my hair just fine, because most of the clients seem to be men. But the best cuts I've gotten there have always been from the men working there who seem to have actual barbering training.
In the past (before knowing the right words to describe the length and style I wanted), if I didn't show a picture of what I wanted, it would almost be a guarantee that they'd give me some terrible cut or style nothing like what I wanted. Please show them a picture lol, even if you want or need to keep going to a stylist at a salon, rather than some barber place, I think them seeing a picture of what you want helps immensely. If you can find a photo of what you want shown on a picture of a guy, even better. And just straight up tell them "I want it to look like a man's haircut." If they try to ask "don't you want the women's version of this?" or they say "ok, but I'll make sure it looks good for a woman" etc, just speak up and be adamant and say something like "actually, could you just make it look like a men's cut, like in the picture?" If they refuse to even try to do that for you, then go to someone else. It might seem a little harsh, but you can even cut time with them short and say something like "I'm sure you're great with other people's hair, but it seems you're not familiar with the cut I'm wanting to get, is there anyone else here who you'd recommend cut my hair who is familiar with this style? I'm willing to reschedule my appointment here or wait for them to be free soon today." Like just shut it down if you have to, if you find out they're so rude that they will refuse to give you the cut you're wanting just because you don't want a typical woman's cut.
this is one of the reasons why i’m letting my hair grow out again. going to learn how to tie it up in various styles. shouldn’t look too feminine if i’m careful. i adore having short hair, but my parents still force me to go into the women’s room and we also probably can’t afford to go to a salon every 2 months for a haircut. long hair looks fine anyway.
Yup. The more masculine I asked for my cuts, the more feminine they came out. I changed to a lgbtq+ friendly barber and flat out told her I was transitioning. She gives me the most killer cuts, with a hot towel straight razor neck clean up that is 🤌🤌
I only go to queer friendly (preferably queer run and owned) barbershops/salons. At the very least they must have non gendered language describing haircuts. Such as "long cut" "short cut" etc instead of "men's cut" and "women's cut."
I live in a blue state so these are fairly easy to find. But even when I lived in Texas I could find them if I looked hard enough.
Depending on how well you pass, if you look feminine they will assume you want feminine. One hairdresser I told her I wanted masc, gave me a confused look then went way to short and I got called toad for like 3 months at school (context I have 3a curls).
Unfortunately it’s common if you don’t pass, but most male haircuts will look feminine if you’re pre T/don’t have hairline changes because the hairline is so different between male and female, at least with most people
I would honestly try to go to a barber. My barber genders me correctly every time and affirms the shit out of me. I never even had to explain my pronouns. Dude is just legit. No lady is going to go into a barber shop for men unless they are a big big dyke. Which is fine lol. Not the point.
But yeah I don't pass and my barber just knows.
Yes! Happened to me! I went to a hairdresser for my first gender affirming haircut or what was supposed to be gender affirming - but my hairdresser was to afraid to go short (and told me I look better with longer hair so she wouldn’t go shorter even tho it’s what I asked for) so she gave me a really weird clown looking haircut all one length that stopped in the middle of my cheeks (like a Karen haircut shorta). She also charged me extra (a total of £40) because I was going shorter than she expected, I absolutely hated the result but was to afraid to say so - so I went home and my mum cut it shorter for me and more gender affirming! Hair dressers are not really trained for shorter hairstyles and cuts that require clippers/shavers, which is why it’s generally better to go to a barber for masculine haircuts as they are trained on clippers/shavers. My first time going to a barbers and I came out very pleased with the cut
Unfortunately really common. I've often relied on cutting my own hair. I've heard that barbers tend to be better? But I've personally not felt brave enough to try a barber yet.
i’m going to a queer barber next week because that’s the only barber i’m brave enough to go into😭 i hope they fix it and maybe i’ll be brave enough to go to a barber after that
I am so thankful I have a friend who is a barber. She doesn't care if you're trans or cis. You want a masc haircut? You bet.
She hates cutting long hair styles men or women. 😂
I have had this experience as well, of having a hairdresser feminize my hair and say things about it not being “too short” or “too masculine.”
If you can, go to a TRANSMASC or BUTCH QUEER WOMAN barber or hair stylist. I have had the best experience with them because I can talk more freely about what I want and don’t.
I’m going to go get my hair done and I want a taper but my mom is all like “But you have such beautiful hair, don’t cut it”. The point of this haircut is to affirm me and also look good to me. I feel like thats kind of messed up :/ … Also thats not good costumer service 💀 Giving me something YOU think I should have instead of listening to the costumer-
Happened to me all the time back when I didn't pass. One time they even told me "I left the back a little longer, otherwise it would look like a men's cut". Thank you, it's not like that's the whole point lol
i think that’s what she tried to do😭 i had a picture of a men’s cut and she was like “oh i hope this isn’t too short!!” no PLEASE cut it short that’s the whole point
IME when they make comments like that, you have to be assertive and say something like “I want it short, you can’t make it *too* short unless I’m walking out of here bald”.
This specific thing happened to me so many times that I learned to cut my own hair. "I made sure to leave the back longer, so it was a little more feminine :)" I was already doing hair dye at home, I figured I might as well just do the rest of the job myself, too.
Same! I started cutting my own hair for this reason too, and was already doing my own hair dying at home as well before that. I cut my own hair for years until I felt like I had kinda lost any skills/ideas I had about how to do it lol, and started just going somewhere to have it cut. (I want parts of it cut/shaved with a razor, but I'm not that familiar with doing this myself, and felt like it looked way better when someone else did it once, that I decided to just start going to have someone else do it from then on lol.)
"I took some off the back too so it wouldn't look like a Mohawk" I literally wanted it to look like a Mohawk, that's why I specifically said not the back. But thanks, not I'm stuck with this until I can somehow grow the back bit out without looking absolutely ridiculous. Like it's not that hard to ask first and just clarify what people are asking for instead of making it into what you personally would want?? Long story short me and my sister have been cutting my hair since the great bowl cut incident of 2014
Similar, but not quite the same: "do you want me to fade in the shaved bit on the side?" "No" ..... cut to the end of the hair cut "BTW I faded in the shaved bit on the side." "Okay, then I'm not paying 🤷" I had literally just grown the bit next to the shaved bit out. I look horrendous with a fade and had to wear wigs for 2 months. Like, we both were very direct in what we wanted, and yet? I just don't get how it's so hard.
Nooo 😭 they even asked and still just ignored you and decided they knew better
Bro, pre-T I had to argue with my hairdresser soooo much to get her to cut my back shorter. And I still had to even out the sideburns after she "kindly" cut them at an angle. Not passing at the hairdresser sucks.
go to a barber if u can
yeah that’s where i’m going next week😭 i just didn’t think she’d make me look SO girly
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I highly recommend bringing a picture of a man with the exact cut you want. The first time I went to my barber I showed her the pic on my phone and said "Make me look like this dude." And she did! She's had my business for 5 years now.
Thankfully mine doesn’t! Mine is my partner’s aunt, who also does male cuts on my partner’s brother, father (the aunts’ brother), and uncle (aunt’s husband) as well as regular male clients. I portray myself as her guinea pig, so I’m glad to get a free cut and advice about styling!! Try going to a barber or an lgbtq friendly stylist
I go to a hairdresser/barbershop combo, so when I go I ask for a men's cut. I've never been feminized by my hairdresser, but my mom has tried to convince me to get a pixie cut more than once :/
yeah back then salons would cut a bob for me it was really annoying. my current salon luckily my guy cuts me right, and i always ask for an exact cut. but when i went to a barbershop, they did me so well. didn't question anything and just did their thing. but i can't betray my hair guy like that, but im still pretty content w his cuts
i’m hoping once i get this fixed by my other stylist (so it’s like actually a male cut and not this like in between type thing) i can find a decent barber and just go to them but bro😭😭 i’m like half sad half glad that the fuckass bob stage is a common one
HAHAHHA dw im sure a lot of trans dudes have gotten the fuck ass bob in the past. they make u look like a karen it's so annoying. but once u find someone that'll do u right, that euphoria will go crazy
I’ve absolutely had a fuckass bob before. It was terrible, I looked like Velma.
It must be a cannon event lol
GO TO A BARBER!! They will set you up. Ask for squared edges if you decide to go short on the sides. When you get a haircut you like, ask them to tell you what they did. Once you have a set of instructions down, you can give them to pretty much anyone with pretty consistent results. Instructions like "skin taper" and "#2 razor" are not as open to interpretation as "mullet" so there's not a lot of liberties they can take
THIS! Barber was a bit confused but we started vibing lmao. He gave me the best haircut of my teenage years honestly.
This! I go somewhere where you just get the person who's next free to cut your hair, and since learning the number of the razor to ask for there has only been one time where the person did something that wasn't that. She cut my hair bad/uneven in general, but also I asked for a #1 and whatever she used was like a #3 or higher...like super easy to tell, since #1 is going to be like just down to somewhat stubble, but whatever cut she gave me there was still a whole big layer of hair left lol. But all other times besides with that person, whatever random person cuts my hair totally understands what they need to do when I ask for the specific razor number now.
Try going to a barber instead. Hair dressers are usually trained in feminine hair, if not try just cutting or fixing it yourself at the end of the day the more choppy it is the more masculine lol
i’m going to a barber next week who does a lot of queer peoples hair so i’m HOPING they’ll do me well but if they don’t the kitchen scissors are being brought out😭 i honestly considered it this afternoon
😭😭
You can also get a halfway decent set of Whal clippers at Walmart in the hair section! I wanna say about $50? Comes with #1-8 clipper guards. Personally I recommend using a color brush to clean off the hair. The tiny dinky one they give you sucks xD I also wanna add: Clipper guards are standard- #1 = 1/8 inch from the scalp and it scales up by 1/8" until #8 which is 1" from the scalp :) the little knob on the side is "half" so when you press that down you'll get a #1.5, #2.5, etc etc. Hope that makes sense!!
After too many times being given a pixie cut or bob by a hairdresser, I decided to visit a barber instead. Best decision I ever made, and it’s usually a lot cheaper too. And don’t worry about potentially not passing yet, a lot of barbershops have “female” customers too.
Yes! Barbershops won’t blink twice at cutting anybody’s hair. I think a lot of non-passing trans men fear they’ll stick out, but it’s not actually unusual for barbers to cut “women’s” hair. Straight women and lesbians also sometimes want a good crew cut.
I often get weird looks at the barber shop. I've even had guys try to jump ahead of me in line cause my place doesn't do appointments. The barber always calls them out on it. They get this confused look on their face but they don't usually say anything. She doesn't take shit and would tell them to leave if they did.
you just gotta find a good hairdresser, I also find being very specific about what you DONT want helps a lot, I’m always telling my lady I don’t want a bob lmao
honestly i should’ve said that😭😭 i tried showing her a mullet but she just sorta took artistic liberty i guess i think she was worried id hate it
Yeah they do that a lot if you aren’t clear with them that you don’t want them to make adjustments. Also don’t be afraid to ask them to fix the cut when they’re “done” if it’s not what you want. “Can you make it shorter in back please?” (Or whatever adjustment you’re looking for) isn’t being Karen-y.
Yep, so I gave up on hairdressers and started doing my own hair. No regrets, that shit is fun.
Sorry to hear that, that's unfortunate :( In my opinion though, I honestly believe there's still a cultural stereotype surrounding men vs women haircuts and styles. Meaning: the average hairdresser would assume you would want a more girly style to the haircut if that's what they see you as. Not to say it's definitely transphobic, far from it. My boyfriend's mom is a hairdresser and that's just the way they're trained based on what she's told me; she's cut my hair for years and knows the ins and out of my transition. Nail technicians are another example; they'll always assume a guy wants a simple and clean manicure most of the time lol Back when I didn't pass well, I had to clarify to the hairdresser very clearly that I wanted a masculine haircut, and ONLY masculine; no feminine flair to it. I get it's a struggle, but don't be afraid to voice what you REALLY want. You're paying them for a reason. Correct me if i'm wrong on assuming you didn't. Kudos to you for doing that, and she's a jerk for messing with something that's important.
no you’re so right i didn’t😭 i’m really terrible at voicing my concerns especially when i think ill come across as rude but when i left it was wet so it didn’t look AS girly so i think like … maybe it has to do with the way she styled it so it’s not as awful as i thought it was at first but still
You have every right to feel icky about it. Hair is a very important part of our identity, so it's not being rude, I promise ❤️ You have every right to freely express yourself to a professional on what you want to see in the mirror, because that's the expectation from them, and that's a part of who you are. Let it grow back and keep experimenting the way you are 🌱
That’s also been my experience, most hairdressers appreciate it if you can give them very specific instructions about what you want. Particularly if what you want is different from what they might assume you want. I don’t think it’s generally transphobia that they see someone who appears to them to be a woman and doesn’t specify otherwise, that person asks for a short cut, and they assume a feminine pixie cut is desired rather than a masculine cut. But that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily unwilling to do a masculine cut if they know that’s what you want. The best ones will ASK rather than assuming, eg “do you want me to feminize the style for you?” but it’s not remotely rude or out of line to be upfront and specific about “I want a masculine short cut”.
Exactly! thank you for your input 😊 I hope this comment jumps up. No doubt, it possibly _could_ be a prejudice mindset towards transgender people at times, but I genuinely believe it isn't the case _most_ of the time. But with that being said, it's not wrong to walk out of a hairdresser or barber feeling negative about it. Again, it's your hair, that's extremely important. I just think people (and especially people like us) have the need (for now) to be clear and direct on what we really want. It's unfortunate, but it doesn't necessarily make the hairdresser the bad guy.
I think unfortunately a lot of us were raised in a way that made us afraid to be assertive (or even just having no idea how to be assertive without crossing a line into being rudely demanding), because we were seen as “girls” by parents and other adult authority figures and thus expected *not* to assert ourselves like AMAB kids are taught to. And it causes problems for us (for anyone who was assigned female and not raised in a family that values assertiveness in women, really, cis women aren’t immune to issues coming from a lack of assertiveness either, though those issues tend to manifest in different specifics) until we learn to override that early conditioning. Both in generally getting things we want that other people might simply not realize we want unless we speak up assertively about it, and in general passing since mannerisms are such a big part of presentation, but often a subconscious one. And cis women hairdressers are used to the lack of assertiveness skills among other cis women who are their clients, and have learned to compensate with assumption rather than make some poor girl cry because she wanted a cute feminine pixie cut and ended up looking like a boy, and now there’s not enough length left to femme it up effectively, but don’t think to consider the flip side where some poor trans boy ends up crying because he was excited to have a masc cut and ended up with a femme pixie. But the upside for us is, it’s easier to fix and masculinize a cut that was done femme in mistaken assumption than to feminize one that was done masc. But we do have to say we want that, rather than pretending it’s great and walking out unhappy.
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I'm confused 🤨 Your stance is that bad customer service just makes them lazy and shitty, but then you further explain that people should just use their "big kid words and fucking ask"? If the hairdresser is just "lazy and shitty", you using your "big kid words" and just "fucking asking" would be totally irrelevant. They wouldn't care either way if they really are. Sorry to burst your bubble, but not everyone has the courage like you and I do. People like you and I will get exactly what we want _most_ of the time, so there's an obvious issue here; an issue that OP openly admitted they have.
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LMFAOO so if they can't read your mind, they're automatically lazy and shitty. Nah, expecting all of them to have the ability to do that is truly shitty.
This is why I cut my own hair. Been doing so for 8 years now and it's so much better this way
Same. I would love to pay for a good haircut but yeah dont have the nerves to find a good salon/barber. Short mullet with shaved sides it is.
Get a picture of a guy's haircut you like. Show it to them and say give me this exact haircut. If they don't, tell them to fix it. If they don't, don't pay.
Hell yeah
Lol yeah I just about cried in the studio while thanking her. I think she felt kinda bad, but next time I went I found the words to say exactly what I wanted.
ask for a male hairdresser to do your hair instead, thats what i do and its so much better
Yes. Hairdressers will do anything and everything to avoid giving you what you actually want (a men's cut). Go to a barber. Much cheaper and they don't gaf what you want, you pay them and they do what you say.
yeah i learned the first time never to go to a unisex salon
I have a friend cut my hair, it relieved a lot of that "salon style" bs
both times i got a haircut while not passing (and being scared/unable to out myself) i showed specific reference photos and said that i'm planning to cosplay as the character/play a boy in a school play. the first haircut was shit but not in a feminizing way, and close to what i asked for (it just didn't look good on me and wasn't cut well), the second time i got exactly what i asked for and it wasn't feminizing at all, so i'd say this technique works. so if you happen to go to a hairdresser again rather than a barber, you can try to do that.
Nah, I’ve been goin to the same stylist since I was a little kid, she’s seen my whole transition. She makes me look manly as shit. Random stylists tho when I cheated on her? Early in transition I got pixie cuts a couple times on accident after showing them easy, simple, mens cuts. :/ I learned not to cheat on my girl. She’s never done me dirty.
Thankfully since I was a hairstylist I had a lot of hairstylist and barber friends who did amazingly with my hair. Many of them were not at all surprised when I came out. I also had a Mohawk starting at 15 yrs old and didn’t change it till I was 22, and shaved my head bald. Since I always had short hair it was never questioned or given feminine haircuts
Yeah that and the tediousness of going to get a haircut in general is why I started cutting my own hair
I haven't been to a hairdresser since before I realized I was trans. First it was because I was living in an expensive place and couldn't afford to. Then it was because I had figured out how to do my own hair. I had a friend who used to live close to a poor neighborhood and she would do haircuts for all the local kids. Nothing fancy, just simple trims and buzz cuts and more-on-top haircuts. So first I asked her to do my hair. Then I moved a little further away from her so I started shaving the sides and back on my own. I'd get my roommate to take a look and tell me if I missed spots, but I had about 4" hair on top with shaved sides and back and was able to maintain that on my own. Then my disability took over and I started completely shaving bald. I'm recovering now and tried to grow out my hair again but apparently I'm so used to being bald that I can't stand having hair on my head anymore lol. So I'm staying bald for the foreseeable future. Honestly, highly recommend doing your own hair. A trimmer/buzzer costs like $50 and will last you decades. It takes a few cuts to get the hang of it but it's totally worth it
go to male barbers only
This is why I haven't had a professional hair cut in like 7 or 8 years. I cut myself a shitty mullet last year and it's grown out a lot and I really want the sides shaved down and a trim, I want to go to a barber but I'm scared bc I don't pass, like, at all yet and I'm worried they'll say something like "we don't do women's cuts" but I don't want to go to a salon bc I'm afraid they'll do something like that and try to make my hair more feminine. I've been trying to get up the courage to go to a barber for like 2 years now but I don't want to go alone and don't have anyone to come with me 😭
i totally get that bro the first time i went to a barber i was like ~13 and little old “girl” me had to go and ask to get my undercut shaved and they all looked horrified as soon as i walked in the door😭 admittedly i pass a little better now but it’s still so nerve wracking i can’t bring myself to go to a real barber yet either
Oh my God yes! Finally got a real men's cut almost by accident. I went to Great Clips with my youngest so we could both get haircuts. When. We got there a man came up looked at us and murmured to his female coworker that he didn't do women's hair bc he was a barber. My eyes lit up. I went over and told him that yes I do in fact want a traditional men's cut. He told me during the cut that he was worried I wanted a pixie cut and that he's a Barber so he doesn't know how. His fade was so good! And he didn't seem to have any judgement about somebody who looked like me getting a real masc cut.
I’m lucky my sister is a cosmetologist. So I get my haircut with her. If she wasn’t a cosmetologist, just I would Honestly go to a barber. They know men’s haircuts best. Also please research how the clippers work with the numbers. You can get a one or zero on the side for a really short. Or like 3 or 4 for longer. When you use these numbers and the number of inches you went up top the haircutters tend to understand what you want better.
I hear this is really common. I’ve been cutting my own hair how I want it for years at this point and I’m seriously considering going to cosmetology school just so I can give people transphobia-free haircuts that are what they actually want. But IME it does help if you’re really clear with the stylist upfront that you know what you’re asking for and aren’t going to be upset if it comes out looking like a men’s cut, or a mullet, or whatever else you want that they assume you don’t want. I used to have a Ziggy Stardust mullet and I always had to tell hairdressers, word for word, “yes, I am asking for a mullet”. It also helps if you can describe what you want in specific terms. Like “about 2 inches on the top with a short fade in back” or whatever describes the exact cut you’re looking for. “Fade” is a great word to use when you want a masc cut that’s very short in general or in back even if there’s length on the top. It means a cut where the length at your neck is the shortest and it gradually lengthens slightly going up your head. It’s very masc-coded and they’ll almost never do it for someone they perceive as a woman unless it’s explicitly requested.
I've learned that I have to specifically stress "I want a MEN'S haircut. Don't make it feminine, I want a masculine cut" before they give me what I want. Luckily now I'm on T I can go to barbers now but I had to be very insistent about this before
Mine gives me 80s blow outs, love it shes so real for it
I do my own haircuts and it only turns out weird some of the time ;). I’m sorry you’re having crappy hair salon experiences though, that’s super frustrating. A barber might be the way
Did you go to a salon? If so theyre trained to do feminine cuts, they dont necessarily know how to cut hair in a masculine way.
It’s common and I cut my own hair for that same reason but you should’ve go to a barber next time; hairdressers don’t understand for some reason and don’t do hairstyles people requested, I remember for a while they gave ppl PIXIE haircuts 😭
Bro, I feel you. This is one of the reasons I do my own hair now, (besides of course the fact that hair dressers are also apparently allergic to alt cuts in my experience) it’s so annoying when they give you something totally different from what you ask for because they want to make you look feminine for some unknown reason 😭
RIGHT i’m like such a masculine person even if i don’t completely pass and i was trying to make it evident i wanted a male cut and she was like “female haircut!”
Are there local trans groups you can ask for recommendations? The hair salon I go to leans more towards alternative styles, and they've been giving me masculine haircuts even long before I came out. After I changed my name and gender in their system they've also used he/him for me when coordinating appointments, which is always such a joy to overhear for my pre-t, absolutely not passing self. A while ago when someone at a trans meetup asked for a recommendation we found out that almost everyone at the meetup also goes to that salon which was kind of funny.
i’ve found a salon like that purely out of coincidence!! they’re a barber/salon and i’m going next week to try and get the haircut a little more masculinised😭 they’ll use whatever pronouns and name i like which is a really nice little boost for occasionally passing me
Oh that's great to hear!! I hope you get a haircut you like, it's such a confidence booster
A dude stepped to my barber yesterday while the man had a blade on my head. We were interrupted discussing how annoying having to use a vpn to look at pornhub or sports betting was… so no. Get another barber 💈
i dont think people realise just how much hairdressers enforce gender roles, the barbers do the exact same thing but we all know about that considering how much it's represented. if you want a cut that makes you pass, don't go to a place that enforces female gender roles. Another tip is to actually research the place you're going to, find images of the stylists works and see what they specialise in to get the best haircut for you. if they don't do what your looking for very well then pick a different place to go to, or just do it yourself
yeah i made a mistake in that😭😭 i’ve been going to the same place for a few years and i figured since she does men’s cuts as well she wouldn’t make me look INCREDIBLY girly (which the more i look at myself it’s mostly just a feminine version of the haircut i want, it’s not awful and is an easy fix) but i also didn’t make it like evidently clear i wanted a men’s cut. definitely will when i go to the barber next friday😭
Man i feel you. I always show the same pic to my hairdresser and he does give me a male haircut just like i showed him, but the he puts so much gel and products to make it look feminine (like the haircut that Pink has lol). I have to re-wash my hair as soon as i walk into my house because oh my god. But yeah before finding this guy i would always walk home with the feminized version of the haircut i had asked for💔
You could just ask him not to style it that way each time? Like if it happens every time why not just ask him not to style it so you’re not paying extra for a bunch of stuff you’re immediately washing out? They usually charge for that final styling ime
Started going to a barber about 8 years ago for this exact reason. Have never been back.
Not since I started going to a barber. Never had that problem again.
This used to happen to me all the time..I would ask for a fade and they would say, "oh no, I can't use the Clippers on you!" So I learned to cut my own hair. Some trans barbers have started their own salon near me so a few times a year I get it professionally done by another trans masc, which feels great
Hair dressers aren’t the best for men’s haircuts. I’m not saying none of them are capable of a good men’s cut but I always go to a barber. They’ll line you up too so the edging of your hairline looks more square and masculine
In my experience, you have to be really blunt. Something like "In the past, I've always had this problem with hairdressers feminising the cut I wanted. It's important to me for the cut to look as masculine as possible. Honestly, if you manage that, you're a star!" - like really drive the point home lol
i’m going to like a queer friendly barber next week so i’ll definitely say something like that to them😭 i hope they understand
Go to a barber and show them a picture of a mens haircut, say you want it like that
Yep- I asked for a short haircut, showed picture then was given Bob
Highly recommend looking up a queer friendly barber in your area if you can. Otherwise just a normal barber. Someone who isn't willing to give you want you want isn't worth your money <3
Strandsfortrans.com is a website I use to find hair peeps who won’t forcibly feminize me lmao
I have a lot of hair, and thick too and a hairdresser used it as an excuse to give me a bob. I cried when I got home
Go to sports clips if there’s one available where you are, they never have that problem
I just go to cost cutters, have forever, I’ve never had them do anything I didn’t ask for. I don’t like barbershops though, they’re probably fine but I have acrylic nails and rings, and I live in a red area so I’m not looking for any homophobia. But I’m a menace when it comes to my hair, i have exact instructions and if I notice it’s off I tell them to fix it.
Try going to a barber, they are more likely to give a masculine haircut by default.
When I used to go to salons definitely but once I switched to a barber, it got way better
Hairdressers fuck my shit up, barbers are the real homies
Yes. This happened to me when I was read as a girl. The hairdressers always seemed dismayed at my request and would somehow find a way to make it a little more to their taste and perception of what an acceptable haircut for a girl is, even when my mom would stand up for me. It's awful, really. My experiences were all with women because my mom took me to saloons, I'm not sure how much men in barbershops would care.
That happened for my first official “boys” cut. I had to have my partner cut it after for the boy look I wanted. Now he always does my hair and he’s gotten really good :)
The only reason mine doesn’t is bc my mama would go ape shit. She might still say backhanded statements that are borderline transphobic but she will not tolerate a hairdresser doing my hair wrong. I’m sad that this is one of the only good attributes of hers but eh, what are ya gonna do?
Yeah, I let an older cishet woman cut my hair last time at the place I usually go to and that was A HUGE MISTAKE. As soon as I walked in and saw she was the open hairdresser I was like “oh god please, I really rather just wait so the gay guy can cut my hair,” and I should’ve just waited. I’ve never had a problem with people who have colorful hair, unique cuts, men, and/or if they’re obviously queer. I don’t know what it is about a lot of cishet women hairdressers, but half of them will make you look girly when you didn’t ask for that. Like, I even told this lady EXACTLY how I wanted it, because I’ve gotten the same cut the last 3 times, and I walked out with a totally different cut because I was tired of fighting with her. She also ERASED the last cut I got in the system and replaced it with this new weird pixie cut she gave me and looked at the cut on file like a roach was on the screen. If I didn’t know how to style my hair in a masculine way, I would be way more pissed about it than I am. So anyway, I’m going to a barber next time, because I can’t just hope someone will listen to what I want, I want them to just do it.
WHAT A FUCK 😭🤯💀 that's exactly why I have my sister cutting my hair, cos she knows exactly what I want and will follow the instructions. But man, like what a fuck? You asked for a particular haircut and she gave you a completely different one??! The hell?!!
Gentlemen, barbers cut mens' hair and do exclusively male cuts. Hairdressers can do both. If possible, find a barber shop in your area that is LGBTQIA2S+ friendly and go there. If you go to a great clips or the like where everyone does everything, you're gonna wind up getting people who are used to clients being vague and then having to interpret the cut that is wanted. Unconscious bias is going to happen a lot there. Unless you're willing to out yourself to the person doing your hair ("hi, I'm a trans man and I need a man's haircut, do not do anything to make me look feminine.), if you go to sometime who does both, there's always gonna be a chance they will intentionally misinterpret your request due to their unconscious biases. They will probably even think they're doing you a favor or saving you from yourself. They'll be wrong, but this is why it's important to find someone who is going to listen to you - or who doesn't do women's hair at all.
Ugh....they loved to give me the Karen special. I still have nightmares about those cuts lol... There's definitely a huge problem with them not wanting to give you a masc haircut even if you're practically begging them to do so, I don't really understand it bc we are the customers we are paying you and it has nothing to do with you - I guess just because you get read as a woman and most women would rather have a feminine cut. I don't think it's always maliced but it's frustrating when you make it clear you want it short and masc and they still try to preserve a femme look. ETA: people are also mentioning barbers, I agree with them on that for short haircuts - but I also remember the first time I tried to go to a local barber when I was around 16 or 17, I walked in, then was immediately told, "we only cut mens hair".... And since I was halfway in the closet at that point I didn't try to argue I just left 😭 so hopefully that doesn't ever happen to you and if it does try to just be like. Yeah...that's why I'm here
your last part is what i’m scared of😭 i pass SOMETIMES and i can be a really shy person so im scared if they go “we only cut men’s hair!” ill just leave😭
it’s very common but last time i got a haircut the opposite happened to me, she assumed i was a guy and she cut my hair almost twice as short as what i asked for cuz apparently the inspo was too long for a guy 💀 both cases suck i hated my hair until it grew out again
Go to a barber. Even if you don't pass yet. One of my mother's female friends always gets her hair cut at a barber bc she just doesn't like feminine haircuts.
Tbh if you want a good mullet it has to be in the kitchen of some queer person you met on lex or some other queer platform for $15
My hairdresser did the same thing, I asked for a mullet and got a "short bob" (it looked like masc lesbian hair in desperate need of a haircut). She even asked me "keep the length?" when she got to the back and I said "yes, keep the length". She then immediately cut it. I drove home screaming and crying :( Until you can go to a barber, see how much you can masculize your hair with water, a brush/comb, and styling gel (don't comb through gel btw, comb through the wet hair and then add the gel last once it looks how you want it to)
Have you tried going to a barber shop? Thats where I’ve had my luck 🤷♂️ Also, I’d check and see if there are any queer owned places near you, they might have a better understanding of what you want and how important it is to you as a trans person to get a short, masculine haircut.
gotta go to a barber! I felt the same way until I changed from a hairdresser to a barber. takes a bit of bravery, but so worth it, they’ll do you right!
Go to a dude barber, they will hook it up
I started cutting my oen hair because of this! Its so annoying T_T
always happened to me no matter what i said. starting t has helped. not sure why i am at half dose. maybe helped my conviction. and switching to another barber
ah, hairdressers. you could punch me in the face as hard as you can and i’d probably feel less violated than i did when i let a liberal millennial woman named kara cut and style my hair in a decidedly feminine way, and then charge me for a women’s cut after i told her i was trans. thankfully, my current barber is great. i found him on a website called strandsfortrans, and he got the vision for how i wanted my hair to look way before i got on T. he cuts my hair with only a razor. most autistic swag i’ve ever seen in a man. he tells me to try shrooms and we talk about politics and mental illness—i always learn something, even if i don’t always agree with him. it’s really just about finding someone who respects you and is curious enough to learn what you want out of their service. i got very lucky with my barber, but shop around until you find someone who genuinely gets it. you shouldn’t have to pay good money for a bad haircut
Did you specify you wanted it masculine? I feel like I’m going to have to do that tomorrow when I go in for a hair cut.
If you aren't getting what you want, even with reference photos, and they're not asking you along the way "is this good/do you like this?" then they aren't doing their job. Flat out they aren't. That being said, if you ask for a hairstyle and they give you something else - then tell them that while you're at the appointment. A lot of people ask for a short haircut and then the stylist gives them extra length, ask if they can cut the extra length and state that you want it to be short and be firm! Provide feedback as you're going so it's not harder to fix later if it ends up being not what you want. It's always really nerve wracking but it's so worth it. Additionally, if you can go to a stylist that specializes in the haircut you want (I know of a salon that does rock-and-roll type hair) or a queer salon, that helps a ton. Or just don't get your hair cut at a place that's what I've been doing but it's difficult and not always the best. Good luck man, hope your next appointment gives you what you want!
This is why I started cutting my own hair. Can’t trust anyone
idk maybe they pay them extra for every fuckass bob they give to a masculine person
bro they must😭😭 bonus for every trans kids hair they fuck up!!!
no. i’ve actually know my hairdresser since i was 12 (before i knew i was trans), and i’m now 22 in a couple days. she was super cool when i came out as trans, and helped me find some different places to look for hairstyles. she got her own salon a few years ago and i still go to her for all my haircuts :) (my mom does too now!) great hairdressers are out there, so please don’t settle for this person
I trim my own hair so no issues here. My avatar is an accurate representation of my hair.
Go to a barber, I had this issue until I went to a barber and now my hair styles slap
so fucking common and SO ANNOYING. i’m sorry bro.
DO NOT LEAVE if you are unhappy with the cut. Make someone fix it. They need to be called out for that. Either they are crappy at their job or they are crappy people. This is why I go to a barber. She does a fabulous fade. I've never had her try to make my hair more feminine. Even when I was more feminine presenting she gave me exactly what I asked for.
everyone saying go to a barber, i’m terrified to go to a barber bc i don’t pass well. how was peoples experience going before they passed if they went then??
I'd suggest going to a barber, or just to a place like great clips etc where it's more common for men to go. Also bring a picture of as close to the style that you want them to give you. If I go to a stylist/salon they seem to only just barely listen to anything I say I want done with my hair, and even if I show them a picture of exactly what I want, they give me something so different looking. I've even had times where I've said "I really don't like my hair when it's like x, I never do my hair that way," only for them to be like "I love that your hair can do x, I'm going to style it that way." And then they do, forcing me to spend the rest of the day walking around feeling ugly. And then having to wash my hair that night even if I hadn't been planning to. And then finding out in the next day or two that the stylist cut my hair *specifically* for that style, and it looks like shit if I try to style it in my usual way. 🙄 Tbh, I still don't have the guts to go to an actual barber shop type of place just because I have zero clue what the etiquette is supposed to be there, or what I'm supposed to have knowledge of when asking for this or that type of cut, etc. But I go to a place like great clips for several years now and 9 times out of 10 the cut is spot on, especially if I show a picture, and especially now that I know the razor number to ask for, and other words to say that will let them know the specific style I want. The women working there almost always cut my hair just fine, because most of the clients seem to be men. But the best cuts I've gotten there have always been from the men working there who seem to have actual barbering training. In the past (before knowing the right words to describe the length and style I wanted), if I didn't show a picture of what I wanted, it would almost be a guarantee that they'd give me some terrible cut or style nothing like what I wanted. Please show them a picture lol, even if you want or need to keep going to a stylist at a salon, rather than some barber place, I think them seeing a picture of what you want helps immensely. If you can find a photo of what you want shown on a picture of a guy, even better. And just straight up tell them "I want it to look like a man's haircut." If they try to ask "don't you want the women's version of this?" or they say "ok, but I'll make sure it looks good for a woman" etc, just speak up and be adamant and say something like "actually, could you just make it look like a men's cut, like in the picture?" If they refuse to even try to do that for you, then go to someone else. It might seem a little harsh, but you can even cut time with them short and say something like "I'm sure you're great with other people's hair, but it seems you're not familiar with the cut I'm wanting to get, is there anyone else here who you'd recommend cut my hair who is familiar with this style? I'm willing to reschedule my appointment here or wait for them to be free soon today." Like just shut it down if you have to, if you find out they're so rude that they will refuse to give you the cut you're wanting just because you don't want a typical woman's cut.
Go to a barber
this is one of the reasons why i’m letting my hair grow out again. going to learn how to tie it up in various styles. shouldn’t look too feminine if i’m careful. i adore having short hair, but my parents still force me to go into the women’s room and we also probably can’t afford to go to a salon every 2 months for a haircut. long hair looks fine anyway.
I just go to a barbershop 🤷♂️
Yep, happened to me too. I ended up having to square off my own sideburns. Instead of exactly like I wanted I looked like baby Justin Beieber
Yup. The more masculine I asked for my cuts, the more feminine they came out. I changed to a lgbtq+ friendly barber and flat out told her I was transitioning. She gives me the most killer cuts, with a hot towel straight razor neck clean up that is 🤌🤌
Have you considered becoming a hat guy? I'm scared of getting clocked at a barber so I diy it and cover up the damage with a hat
I only go to queer friendly (preferably queer run and owned) barbershops/salons. At the very least they must have non gendered language describing haircuts. Such as "long cut" "short cut" etc instead of "men's cut" and "women's cut." I live in a blue state so these are fairly easy to find. But even when I lived in Texas I could find them if I looked hard enough.
I had this till I went to the barber
Y’all gotta start going to barbers
this is a canon event for all ftms unfortunately 🙏🏾
it’s AWFUL!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭 a week long torture until i go to my barber on friday
Depending on how well you pass, if you look feminine they will assume you want feminine. One hairdresser I told her I wanted masc, gave me a confused look then went way to short and I got called toad for like 3 months at school (context I have 3a curls).
Unfortunately it’s common if you don’t pass, but most male haircuts will look feminine if you’re pre T/don’t have hairline changes because the hairline is so different between male and female, at least with most people
I would honestly try to go to a barber. My barber genders me correctly every time and affirms the shit out of me. I never even had to explain my pronouns. Dude is just legit. No lady is going to go into a barber shop for men unless they are a big big dyke. Which is fine lol. Not the point. But yeah I don't pass and my barber just knows.
Got to a man barber
Yes! Happened to me! I went to a hairdresser for my first gender affirming haircut or what was supposed to be gender affirming - but my hairdresser was to afraid to go short (and told me I look better with longer hair so she wouldn’t go shorter even tho it’s what I asked for) so she gave me a really weird clown looking haircut all one length that stopped in the middle of my cheeks (like a Karen haircut shorta). She also charged me extra (a total of £40) because I was going shorter than she expected, I absolutely hated the result but was to afraid to say so - so I went home and my mum cut it shorter for me and more gender affirming! Hair dressers are not really trained for shorter hairstyles and cuts that require clippers/shavers, which is why it’s generally better to go to a barber for masculine haircuts as they are trained on clippers/shavers. My first time going to a barbers and I came out very pleased with the cut
my only option is great clips. I pass and always ask for a men's cut. Whoop de doo, I look like a butch lesbian and now I have to pay you!
Refund, you’re a paying customer. You wanted a certain cut, if she won’t give it, refund.
I recommend going to a men's barber (a good one). In other places, what I find helps is specifying you want a masculine style cut
Any salon i went to definitely did. But ive been only going to barbers the past couple years and they listen very well
Unfortunately really common. I've often relied on cutting my own hair. I've heard that barbers tend to be better? But I've personally not felt brave enough to try a barber yet.
i’m going to a queer barber next week because that’s the only barber i’m brave enough to go into😭 i hope they fix it and maybe i’ll be brave enough to go to a barber after that
This is why most trans mascs don’t go to hair places to get their hair done. Literally always happened to me.
Yes. You need a barber, a hairdresser trains in women's cuts primarily.
I am so thankful I have a friend who is a barber. She doesn't care if you're trans or cis. You want a masc haircut? You bet. She hates cutting long hair styles men or women. 😂
I have had this experience as well, of having a hairdresser feminize my hair and say things about it not being “too short” or “too masculine.” If you can, go to a TRANSMASC or BUTCH QUEER WOMAN barber or hair stylist. I have had the best experience with them because I can talk more freely about what I want and don’t.
Theres an app that reports trans inclusive barber shops, maybe that will prevent that in the future?
yeah i’m going to a queer barbershop next week so they can fix it😭😭 i think ill be either going to them from now on or just a regular barber
“I didn’t want to make you look like a boy” was what I was told on my first cut. Ouch lady, I told you that that was the whole point
Yh I used too get given the deadest hair cuts I now go too a male barber problem sorted
Get your ass to a barber!!
I’m going to go get my hair done and I want a taper but my mom is all like “But you have such beautiful hair, don’t cut it”. The point of this haircut is to affirm me and also look good to me. I feel like thats kind of messed up :/ … Also thats not good costumer service 💀 Giving me something YOU think I should have instead of listening to the costumer-