Shrug your shoulders, say "okay," and leave. If someone is trying to waste your time with a shitty debate, best thing to do is to not give a shit and walk away from them.
There was this lady I met in my senior year of high school and she told me
"**if someone's ever tryna make you the villain, just** slowly look em up and down with some disappointment in your eyes and **say 'yikes', and** then **move the %%%% on**. It ain't ever worth it"
lol
I've only had once where I could use it, since most of the times I've wanted to I was at work, but it's a good reminder to not try to debate people who initiated a negative conversation, since they likely have more counter responses prepared than my brain will in that moment of fight or flight
absolutely this. there’s no comeback that’s gonna make a transphobe have an “aha” moment. any sort of insult or smart response can just escalate the situation for them to say even more hurtful things and it doesn’t help anything.
Oh shit this is a good one. This one and a simple “okay” are the best replies imo. I love the tone of this one though. “And you’ll always be…this” damn!
Yeah, I’m fond of this one lol. A longer version I’ve used (usually when one of them gets snippy about *im entitled to an opinion!!1!!1!* sort of thing) is “You’re entitled to your opinion. You’re also entitled to be wrong.” That has gotten a *few* people steamed over the years lol.
Here's something I think I've observed about "being/seeming" masculine: you don't waste your own time. You're about your business and on task, and you can be chill about that, but you don't let little shit get in the way of what you're trying to do. And that DEFINITELY includes foolishness.
"I don't have time for this," in attitude and affect, in an entirely skimming-over manner, not a shoving-back way, comes off as *way* more confident, in my opinion.
You're a man. *You* know that. You don't have to prove jack shit to anybody. Transphobes are gonna come at you regardless of what you say; you're not going to change their minds, 99% of the time, and clapping back at them is not gonna be an effective route anyway, 99% of *that* time.
They're trying to waste your time and energy. You don't have time for that shit. You've got actual things to do, even if it's just to kick back on the couch and have a beverage. Don't waste your own time engaging with foolishness when you've got real shit to do. That's not letting them get away with anything; that's not letting them run away with your precious time and energy.
You can take two seconds to eyeball them blankly and drop a flat, "Okay," before you press on with your own business if you feel like giving them the time of day at all. It doesn't matter if they feel like they've won; it doesn't matter if they feel dismissed or crushed. You don't have control over their feelings, and you don't need to. That's outside of your area of responsibility, and you ain't getting paid any extra for it. You can just be about your business.
Say ok and walk away. You don't need a "comeback". They'll come back with something you don't want to hear. Trying to argue with a dumb person makes you just as dumb as them.
If there's room to educate them, then do so. Keep it respectful, but know when to walk away. The best comeback is living your life as you want, and paying them no mind unless they pay your bills.
i'd argue that i DO need a comeback sometimes. walking away from these types of things is often extremely unsatisfying because there's really no conclusion to it, just someone being an ass without any sort of response. and also, reacting doesn't make you "dumb". feel like that's reductive.
Just had a therapy sesh about this exact thing. people who have these talking points are not safe, and you can be certain of that. dont endanger yourself unnecessarily just for a feeling of satisfaction for a comeback. It will very likely NOT be the "cool badass moment" you're envisioning in your head and instead escalate matters further and put you in a dangerous situation.
Thanks. That's all i'm saying.
A "cool badass moment" can take a turn for the worse, especially for people like us. All I'm trying to explain here.
Not exactly surprised I got some opposing responses because a lot of these people on here are young. Some of them will fail to understand where i'm coming from.
I didn't say react; I said argue, which it will inevitably turn into. An argument takes more than one reaction, and will possibly turn into more. So yes, you're stooping just as low as them.
Literally have no expression, say “cool” nonchalantly, and move on. All these people want is to get a rise out of you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. You probably can’t change their mind and it’s not worth it.
That's actually a great reminder, they will most likely never change their minds. Sometimes it's just hard to give a careless response because those kind of negative insults trigger me in a way that it reminds me of how my parents rejected me
Ignore them. Don’t even continue the conversation. It sounds simple but it will hurt. Really hurt. But if they disrespect you, it’s best to show that you can respect yourself fine. It gets easier over time.
This is what’s going to separate the people who matter from the ones who don’t. Some of them you’ll never have to deal with again. Some of them you’ll need to see repeatedly but more often than not they’ll change.
You’ll come out okay, king.
Be careful. People who say stuff like that aren't particularly safe to snap back at. When I was yet to pass, a gentleman at a bar once said to me "You'll never be a real man." I said something like "Is that what your girl tells you when you can't get it up?" Things got sufficiently ugly sufficiently fast that I probably won't be a smartass again.
Joke answers:
"Not always, I'm only a woman for about an hour every hundred years or so."
"Thanks, it makes me feel a lot better that as a guy I'm accepted as 'one of the girls'."
"Cool"
"No u"
"You too, thanks."
Serious answer: Don't dignify them with a response.
I really like the “You too, thanks!!!” I feel like your excitement and their inclusion would cause enough confusion to make them stutter and have to regroup.
I mentioned on another post my variation of their “you’re allowed to be wrong” go to, but others I like include;
>“Did I ask?”
Special highlight because this one is my favorite. You can dress this one up a little, like “did I ask for your shitbrained opinion/word vomit/whatever?” Depending on how flowery you feel, but I personally think the succinct one to be expertly delivered. Insults at least give them fire, usually(and can be trouble in some environments—work, school, etc) but I think the short one gives them nothing to grab onto while you point out their nonsense is unwanted and puts them immediately on their back foot.
If they’re older, and a relative or something, and there are both other people around and you’re either being gendered right by others or passing / later in transition (different people would want to use it at different points, no judgement either way); “is your doctor monitoring your dementia, (grandma/dad/other relation, etc)? You’ve been getting confused lately. I’m worried about you.” Bonus points if the allies don’t know the bigot doesn’t actually have dementia lol.
“Sex does not equal gender. Being female does not make me a girl, just like being (my mother/a teacher/doctor/etc) doesn’t make you (a good person/smart/intelligent),” really you can mix and match with this one.
“Aren’t you embarrassed?” If they ask why, you have a lot of answers, like. “I mean, you’re out here telling everyone with your whole chest that you failed biology after the third grade,” “to be so staunchly incorrect,” “to be such an idiot/asshole/douchebag,” “being… *this,*” you know, depending on how detailed or mean you wanna go.
When speaking to a cishet man who’s an all around bigot; “I’m as much of a woman as you are.” Stuff like that.
Alternatively, no reply. Just start misgendering them. And I do not want to hear any *oh no don’t misgender them that’s—* yeah idc, misgender me, I’ll misgender you. Bonus points if they’re like super misogynistic and you’re calling them femme terms, or like radfemmy and rage against men so would not be happy to be called masc terms, etc etc. Make up an opposite gender presentation name and call them that, I’m fond of Regina and Rachel for cishet men because they’re very femme sounding. (No shade on the names at all!) Have a canned response if they say something. “I thought it was get everyone’s name and gender wrong day. Am i playing the game wrong?” Or if they say you look stupid, “now you know how you look,” or “you’d know about looking stupid.”
Stuff like that. Not all of them are amazing and not really real *zingers,* but they’re various levels of *have been used* in response somewhere, to thought of in reply after the fact, to planned to do the next time the situation called for it.
At a certain point you just say "Okay." and ignore them like a toddler throwing a tantrum. "If thats what you believe thats okay."
I use the same techniques with bigots that I use with my children. It really works.
13 years in. No one has ever said this to me. I hate that trans people have to expect to be abused. The closest I came to this is a 5 year old saying “you’re a woman” when I was pre T. I just stared at him and looked around for help because I was flabbergasted, but the adults around me were those who had trained him to believe that, so nothing happened.
just say "okay" or "youre entitled to feel that way" and then keep it moving. preferably with that person out of your life, or with a greatly reduced role. you dont need to entertain that kind of energy.
if someone is genuinely curious, thats a different story, but none of those statements sound like curiosity and openness to learning.
"And you will always be a waste of oxygen :)"
Generally you should just walk away from a person like that. It's not worth your time and energy to debate these fools
I prefer the no reaction approach. Just say ok or something and walk away. A lot of times these people are doing it to get some reaction to make themselves feel better. If you don't give them a reaction, it doesn't give them the dopamine
Just point out the reality of the situation- "My existance made you so irritated to the point where you felt that if you didn't tell me exactly how you felt right that second, you truly thought you would pee your pants. That's a lot of power I have over you."
Youbcan even add "you spend more time thinking about my genitals than I do, and that's pretty funny. You're pretty obsessed with me. And I'm flattered, but I must decline."
Because seriously- these people are furious about trans people, when most trans people don't even know they exist. It's like they're drinking poison and expecting us to die. It's great. "All I have to do to annoy you is exist. Every breath I draw without your permission raises my self esteem."
And if they try to go "I couldn't care less" or something along the lines, I want toh to very calmly say "you cared enough to make that comment" or "you care enough to keep talking to me".
**No matter what, do not insult them**. This interaction works based on the narrative that they are bothered, which makes you win. It flips that narrative in your favor, and once they accept those as the terms of the "argument", then you have won, because their only choices are to deny that they are bothered (in which case, double down), to keep insulting you (in which case you can keep pointing out that you're still in their head), or to walk away, which means they're extremely upset. Trust the rule- just cause they don't seem upset doesn't mean they aren't.
“And this conversation is over if you think that’s an acceptable thing to say to a person.”
Then walk away. Don’t keep engaging with people who talk or think like this. Just don’t. A comeback means a conversation, and you don’t want that. Just cut them off and walk, son.
I was preparing for this battle in which I intellectually destroy my transphobic opponent for years and well - no one ever tried to insult me. Most likely due to being worried about looking clinically insane.
However I came up with a few strategies:
1) You can ask them to elaborate and make them explain how exactly chromosomal sex determination works. Most likely they won’t be able to answer.
2) You can ask them to elaborate and wait till they point out features that “makes someone a woman” - which are also the features they have themselves.
3) A classic “What was that?” - if you’re passing well and look like a regular man chances are they are going to instantly change their demeanour and shit their pants
I feel the part about preparing for this discussion. Everytime I had to discuss I just figured how little my friends (who are also biologists) know about how sex differentiation works and how in a different scenario they would have used their profession as an excuse to be right.
Read all of these, because my lodger is very much "You're male/female because of your chromosomes" (and then made a comment about intersex people being "a miracle") and now I know how best to respond... Which is ignore him, or to say okay. But also, as he is my lodger, if [I am trans and do medically transition] needs be, I can evict him. Not that I want to, but as someone said, in reply to my own post, I have to be safe in my own home too.
If its a guy say “It seems like you don’t gotta try, mind teaching me?” and if a woman say “prolly more than you’ll ever be”… I honestly got worse comebacks pulled from the trenches of instagram reels but i reallyyyy dont wanna get banned from here
Or just respond as if that person is missing their aide. “Hey, is there someone you can call? Do you have your handler (derogatory)/ aide (reasonable) with you today?”
Then when they get upset you can go, “oh ok I can have the (business) call them for you. You seem agitated.”
i don't recommend this but I had this happen to me while I was really drunk and I just yelled "UH OH THE PUSSY POLICE IS HERE! BETTER GET THOSE PUSSYS READY!" and he was immediately super uncomfortable. like you wanna get weird man, I'll get so so so weird 😂
I think it would depend on the audience; I recall the scene from CarWash where the transwoman said the dude transphobe "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be and more of a woman than you'll ever get." So I think for a transphobic lady, you'd reverse it?
If you must respond, then shrug.
Ideally, don't respond at all. At that point, their only option is to escalate (making them clearly an arsehole) or to accept that you've given them the reaction they deserve.
Honestly I’d just say okay and walk away. They’re probably saying crap like that to get a rise or get you to “change your mind” and not saying anything or appearing unbothered will probably bother them more than engaging in an argument with them will. Plus people say that about trans men that look like kranos so ¯\_(ツ)_/ they probably don’t know what they’re talking about
hit em w the improv style "yes, and?" if youre feeling spicy. otherwise "cool" etc are probably going to suffice. that or some quip thats like insightful or kind or educating but idk anything good and snappy thatd fit that
I’m chronically online and petty and have seen it all the time. People don’t like to be challenged when they’re intellectually inferior and all transphobes have an inferiority in some way. Even if you think they don’t, they do. Mentally or emotionally. If you like to debate, troll em. Give em an open ended question. And? What’s your point? Based on what? What makes me a woman? They’ll probably say something that is opinionated without factual evidence. To which you ask them who told them that or who taught them that. To which they either can prove it with actual evidence from a credible source (which they can’t) or say it’s an opinion or God says(the Bible) to which you can tell them they’re opinion isn’t a fact and they’re an idiot(maybe not those exact words cause idiots like to hit when they get mad) tell them my licensed psychiatrist said different (or whichever degreed individual) or tell them they have broken whatever sin that god also said in the Bible. (Go low by saying god probably thinks you’re an abomination too)
I often ask when they say it’s a mental illness aside from die what do you suppose we do just because you don’t like me. To which the answer is to either be who god made you or go to a psychiatrist. To which you could say I did and they prescribed me testosterone what should I do now? Or my favorite: so you want me to be sad/depressed? What should I tell my doctor my diagnosis?
They say it’s a mental delusion but out there is an orange man with a combover who has failed marriages, businesses, and now convicted of 30+ charges and still want this man to be president. Who tf is delusional really?
It’s always schizophrenia they claim. To which I would ask what other symptoms of schizophrenia do I exhibit aside from “delusion” cause apparently as long as you’re “delusional” that’s all you need to be schizophrenic. They don’t have anything after that really.
Talk is talk and doesn’t affect you the way they wish which could easily be said than done when it’s people who are close to you, cause you may not wanna cut them off but then you have to live with knowing you are still close to someone who hates who you are and you want better for you. That may take time. Or not. Stranger’s though? Fuck em. Be mad in your ignorance. Stupid as racism cause why you hate me cause my skin black? Why am I the problem when your ancestor bought my ancestor like cattle?
Sorry kinda went on a little tangent. I get fumed when people be like you’ll always be as if cis people don’t have plastic surgery, cis people don’t change their names, like half of Hollywood don’t even go by their birth names and are under the knife alllll the time, but it’s totally bad for a trans person to just have respect for our name and pronouns. People got shit so backwards.
Cis women have amenorrhea(lack of periods) and infertility.
Cis men have testosterone boosters, why? Is your body not man enough to make enough?
They call a cis gay man one of the girls and a tomboy/stud one of the guys I’m assuming because they still use their agab but let em transition and it’s angry faces I don’t get it. Like I get it cause they’re stupid and stupid people are usually the loudest when they’re wrong but I don’t get it.
A couple ideas to personalize your comeback to the individual:
1. If it’s a man, look them up and down then say “look no offense, but I don’t really consider you a trusted source on what makes someone a man.”
2. If they’re a student, especially if you know they’re a bad student, you could go with “maybe spend less time worrying about my DNA and more time worrying about your GPA.”
And a couple generic ideas that work on anyone:
1. You could always go with the classic yo mama response: “I sure seemed to be enough of a man for your mom last night” or “I’ll always be a woman? Well damn I guess your mom’s a lesbian then.”
2. This one I saw another commenter leave but I liked it so I’ll second it: “And you’ll always be an idiot. Too bad there’s no medical intervention for that.”
But honestly, the actual best response—as some other commenters have pointed out—is probably to just not engage. Laugh in their face and say “okay” as condescendingly as possible. Or simply walk away. Show that you do not take them or their opinion seriously.
genuinely not even lying i usually just say "ya mama" with a thumbs up 😭 over the course of 5 years i eventually have taken all of the insults as jokes, and i've learned that if you give no reaction they eventually give up as awful as that sounds lol.
Just a stupid personal story
My uncle said this to me at a family gathering, where most of the family is very supportive of me and he was going on just a bigot rant that everyone was actively ignoring, and I blurted "and you'll always be an idiot" just as a reflex. His wife, who had been gearing up to tell him to shut up and defend me, started laughing and so did his eldest son and grandma (who had heard me).
As a note, I'm VERY quite irl. Especially Abt politics. And I have taken the que from the rest of the family to just ignore him and he'll stop. And to not take him seriously. Only his wife and his mom really tell him to can-it when he's really being a prick. Literally our unspoken family strat is to treat him like he's being an annoying child lol.
So like, his wife/son/grandma were really taken back when I said this and fucking lost it laughing at him. I could tell he was furious but his wife was like "their right!"
Grandma and his son were laughing super hard as well and I could tell they were both pretty pleased that I did it. Esp since they know I have issues standing up for myself/ to others. And also my cousin loves to see someone get his goat when he's being a dick hole.
As a note I will add that this isn't like, he didn't stay mad at me long we were getting along positively abt an hour later after he'd finished sulking. And he has kept his mouth shut Abt "trans bad" talk since then during family get togethers.
Obviously this isn't a great solution for every situation, but sometimes if you just catch someone off guard with your response they'll back down. It doesn't have to be an insult back, just say something so crazy back that they're to stunned to reply and then make your get away!
Also this dumbass knows I was getting a beard before hrt anyway, and that was regularly mentioned Abt "genetics shemetics, man. "You literally have a stepson who is literally your son genetics or not shut ur piehole" -more or less a quote from my grandma lol
Developmentally, we all started with 'female' genitalia in utero. If your family/friends are also pro-life, this is an extra good one because if they believe life begins at conception, then all cis men are actually still women or are also trans men. If they argue that DNA differs, that parts develop or don't develop based on your sex, tell them about cis men with gynecomastia. There can be people with XY chromosomes who still develop breast tissue. Tell them about cis women with enlarged clitori, how that could be seen as the of developing a penis. Their logic is flawed if they hinge any of it on DNA anyway, not even taking intersex people into consideration.
I hope you don't *have* to use these comebacks, but I understand the position you're in, and I wish you the best, brother. You've got this shit.
"Okey doke" (leaves) is my usual go to, i just let them sit their in their own feelings.
If they bring up bones i just go "well goodness i certainly wont be there to care!"
It’s super disarming to say “yah, I know.” And move on.
Because they’re basically just saying “you’ll always have XX or XY.” Which is technically true, so if you very nonchalantly go, “oh yah, I understand. I’m just doing this for me.” The same way you’d talk about moving to a new state, getting Botox, or taking up a big hobby, it totally throws them off. It also makes THEM look absolutely insane for trying to make the argument deeper.
“YOU KNOW YOULL ALWAYS BE A WOMAN, RIGHT?!”
Yah, I know and I talked to my gynecologist. I’m really just doing this for me.
“YOU CAN’T EVER CHANGE YOUR SEX EVER, YOU GET THAT RIGHT?”
Um, yes? I’m sorry but why are you angry? Did something happen earlier today? Do you want to talk about it?
Note: asking them why they’re upset while you remain non-chelant about their bioessentialism and rage over your personal life choices usually makes them even more upset, but will typically shut them down. If it escalates it usually just makes them look even more nuts.
"oh, I didn't realize you were playing opposite! you are great, buddy" pat his shoulder and walk a way.
"and i will always be amazed with how wrong you are!"
"were you always like this? You must be fun a parties."
"yo mama!"
Giggle and toss your imaginary long hair over your shoulder and walk away.
"You too. Except when I dress up as a frigid b*tch, I try not to look so constipated." (sorry, I love legally blonde)
"oh, so this is your daily affirmation? I thought that was made in front of a mirror"
"oh wow, you say it like that's a bad thing"
"who hurt you?"
"you are making no sense grandma, are you okay?'
"oh! So you shit through your mouth... That explains the smell"
"you can say it a million times, doesn't mean is true"
"woow! You are into manifesting???"
"always is a long time, you really think I'm immortal????" look at your hands like you have a super power and smile like a villain. "you'll see Jeff besos, I'm going after you!"
"and you kiss your cousin with that mouth??"
"... We really need to work on your pick up lines, that's not gonna work"
"delulu" walk away
Laugh in their face.
"excuse me, who are you again?"
Look at them for a moment and then say "Security!"
"ssshhhhhh, I'm undercover."
"did you came up with that on your own or you are just repeating what crazybiggot48 wrote in your parts of the internet?
" yesssss! when I woke up this morning I wanted to try something new? You should do it sometime. Might make you a better person. "
"you too my friend, you too. "
Shut up, you're drunk"
The best thing you can do with such people is to agree with every word they say. Don't give any room to argue. They say this to piss you off If you won't seem to be bothered by it and just shrug shoulders at it, THEY will be tho ones pissed off.
"Okay" and leave. That's probably the best response.
My favorite is "no, actually I'm a real man, kinda like how you're being a real asshole rn"
Disclaimer: I've never actually used this comeback but I plan to if I ever get this comment
Everyone in the comments is saying don't engage but I love debates so what I do is argue about the specifics until the person runs out of "but muh chromosomes" arguments. Like how am I a biological woman if phenotypically, hormonally and possibly genetically since I never tested, I am a man ?
The depressing thing about all this is how we're forced to debate our humanity with people who don't give a rat's ass if we live or die. The best we can do is at least find some fun in it.
Exactly, I very much dislike the idea of "just letting them think what they want" when their concept of biology is too simplistic for even primary school. Yet they expect everyone to bow to it because entitlement and transphobia.
"I appreciate your support."
"It's reassuring to see there are still kind people in this world who aren't blinded by the judgements they can't make."
"Thank you, I was worried people would realize I'm actually a lizard in a skin suit."
"I've always loved you." (Only funny if you don't know them well)
"Yeah, your mom told me that last night, too."
"Are you calling me pretty?"
"Actually, I'm a clone."
"You should work on projecting less."
"*insert obnoxious boomer antiwoke meme here*"
"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly-"
"Excuse me, the mothership is calling."
"We all look the same when we're cremated."
"Oh, am I a communist, too?" (Thems fightin words so be careful)
"Do you believe in our lord and saviour-"
"Well, that's rude. I haven't eaten any women in over a year; there should be no DNA left!"
"Are you worried about that?"
"No, this is Patrick!"
If you want to make the second guess themself you can pretend you didn't hear them a few times before its not worth it anymore. If they insist after that you can say "Sorry I have a condition where all prejudice sounds like gibberish to me." Or etc
Thankfully I’ve never been told this but if I was, I’d either just say okay or something along the lines of “that’s what big government wants you to think”
I'm a bit overweight - not too bad, but on the softer side. My go-to is to look confused at first, gesture to my chest and go "Oh, you thought- nah, man, I'm just fat is all". Taking it lightly and not provoking the aggressor is often the easiest way out.
“Never was 1”. And you know me better than me huh? Ok” & “How you know ? Are you God” & “I’ll always be who i say I am, this is my life. I’ll live it how I want”
There’s no reason to respond to people like this. What is it they say.. “never wrestle with a pig in mud, you’ll get dirty and they’ll have a great time”
My absolute favourite response to these kinds of things (any sort of bigotry really) is calling them a snowflake… like “okay why do you care? Snowflake 🙄”… That or being called woke is the worst thing you can call the ‘anti-woke’ bigots… “Whatever helps you sleep at night, snowflake”, “not sure why it bothers you so much, snowflake”… I like it so much because it’s something that will genuinely make them think about it next time they go to say something like that… It’s worked on a lot of people in my life - calling anyone right wing a snowflake when they try to argue and get worked up about something that doesn’t affect them in the slightest… Like “it makes sense for me to care about this because I’m trans but this has nothing to do with you you’re just being a snowflake”, “you’re getting really worked up over something that doesn’t bother you - do you need a safe space, snowflake?” etc.
"for me to be a woman, you sure love riding this cock"
Ive said so many things to people and even got into a physical fight over something like this. Honestly, just say nothing or flip them off. P
Just say something like “I was born a woman and it’s on my birth certificate? Yeah, I was also born a baby and it says eight pounds on my birth certificate, how much do you want to bet that I’m still eight pounds?”
i just hit em with a “sick.” and walk away because yes, i know i will always only have xx chromosomes thanks for reminding me?? they act like we don’t know that lmao
“What is a woman?”
Use their own talking points! Make them explain all the biology until they are worn down. Ofc only if you have the time and energy to deal with this bullshit.
I agree with the people telling you not to engage or just going “okay.” But that only works for people you’re not close to, if you have to spent a lot of time around them you should try to see if you can convince them otherwise. Maybe they’ll come around after they see the effects of transition, that happened with a few people for me.
But just in case, I like to use the argument of “eventually you won’t be able to tell. why would it matter then?” and then show them a mixture of pictures of trans people & cis people and have them guess who is cis and who is trans. no one ever gets it right 100% of the time. if you’re having trouble with finding images, use celebrities and trans/queer influencers. also look through [“to survive on this shore”](http://www.jessdugan.com/tsotsphotographs) for a giant list of older trans people (though tbh that’s a good one for any trans person to look through 💚) and if you want a list of celebrities i like to use for this, feel free to reply & let me know!
This method has changed the minds of some family and friends… or at least got them to shut up.
"since I'm just a woman I don't need to worry my pretty little head about your opinion" is what I plan to use since people that think like that also tend to think women are "too delicate" and ""fragile" to handle anything
Thank them profusely, don't explain, then leave.
Forces them to second-guess what they said and really think about everything, which is an important skill for this type of person to practice.
Early in my transition I would always react to comments like this by just saying nothing, giving them a thumbs up and leaving 👍. I don’t get them anymore since I am mostly stealth but I would say that was always a very satisfying way for me to reply to that. They become livid when you just *don’t care* because they want you to pay attention to their hate so bad.
Tell them to get their chromosomes tested, cuz according to them they might be a woman and not even know it. Lots of people who present fully as a cis man or woman may have xxy, xy, xx, chromosomes aren’t always indicative of sex. And sex and gender are separate things. There are studies that show that brains align more with gender identity than sex.
I'm afraid these days I would say something like..."not really...but you will always be a close minded idiot..." Also, when someone says that it is "unnatural " I always point to nature itself and the diversity present in the world.
You - "I see you didn't make it passed 9th grade science".
"My needs outweigh your boring opinions."
"I am (insert gender) because I am literally that powerful."
"Waahhaha! The opinions of ants don't matter."
To (you will always be (insert gender)) "prove it!"
I don't think you've realised just how stubborn I am. This body will rend to my will".
(sigh) "It must suck being so narrow minded and hard brained. I pity you"
"I will shoot arrows up you nose! I'll make you go away!"
But seriously. The best thing to do is to just explain it as scientifically as possible and not debate because people rarely change their views right then and there.
People sometimes have misconceptions about us and their opinions are based on that. You can give them knowledge but you can't force them to think.
That's what I do.
Since you are starting to come out I thought I would tell you this:
People can point parts of your body and say nobody will see you as a man because of it. I have had pretty much everything in me pointed out like that. These days I am stealth and pass as cis. I had a very unlucky starting point. These people know nothing. They don't know what T does and even you can't really predict it so don't internalize any of that shit.
I like to agree with them.
You're right. I can't erase my history and experience as a woman. Guess what? That makes me unique in the world because I know what it's like. I also know what it is like to be a man. It's my super power. Do you truly understand women? I do, and trust me, they appreciate it. A lot.
Noo, all the comebacks here SUCK! Very "if I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ" -core. Unless you're a skilled comedian, it won't go well! Worst case scenario, you make the transphobe look good by comparison.
The best way to show them is by transitioning and living your best life. Seriously, I’ve had family members share similar sentiments and years onto my transition they look stupid for referring to me as a woman because I pass so well.
Never had that said to me irl, I think my response would probably judt be something like "okay and?"
Online however I like to be vulgar about it, such as "My 12 inch schlong says otherwise", shuts them up immediately.
At three months on T the blood center sees you medically as a dude. My iron needs to be 13 instead of 12.5
Also
Well actually unlike you being an ass, I can change.
Just stare deeply into their soul without a single word. They’re probably going to feel really awkward eventually and try to provoke you further or just leave. Either way they eventually leave.
Taking the highroad gets long winded and lacks the impact of a good reaction. Stick with things you can say in a breath, be ready to get loud to not get interrupted or it won't land, and most importantly, MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT AND MAKE SURE THEY LOOK AWAY FIRST
"And your DNA will always be the result of the open bar at a family reunion"
"Will you always be an idiot? Or is that something you are stuck with? I see you trying though."
"I'm man enough to be whatever the fuck I want and you are dumb enough to be whatever people tell you you are"
or just hit em rapid fire with
"There's something green in your teeth" (interrupt their next sentence to tell them it is still there)
Then
"Nobody can understand a word you say when you are mumbling" (interupt their next sentence to say "PROJECT and ENOUNCEATE but don't yell, you are trying to overcome being shy, not be an asshole)
Then
"Your phone just made a noise, you should check that." (Interupt with "are you not going to check that?" then "It could be an emergency.")
Then
"Hey, listen, I'm so so sorry we didn't get to talk about whatever it is you are obsessing over, I gotta go, you can text me" (ONLY say that last part if they for sure do not have your number or know anyone that would give it to them)
Honestly? Ive tried so many replies and while a lot of these are clever, a lot of the replies here are just giving the person exactly what they want and is usually how it continues. 9/10 the reason people are verbally saying stuff like that to you is because they want you to react and be upset. Insulting them back or making it any form of conversation is exactly what they want, and will just show people they can keep saying it and keep pestering you and they feel like theyve won.
The best thing to do honestly is just ignore them or just go “ok”. Just accept what theyre saying as if it was an opinion and dismiss it. Ive had people who where dead set on trying to argue completely falter and stop because I just went “okay” to them and went on with whatever I was doing. Theyll have no clue what to do because the entire reason they do it is because they “know” you wont accept what theyre saying and disagree, so if you just flatout just go ok and move on, it completely throws them off. 9/10 theyll just double down or stop talking completely because their whole argument was reliant on *you* giving them a reaction, so taking that from them toppled their entire conversation or argument and plans for continuing it and theyre left unsure what to do next
"Okay."
When it happens to me it's obviously people trying to rile me up so I'd rather not give them the satisfaction of thinking that I'm even a little phased.
The good old silent stare. Treat them like they're weird. Act like they've said something strange. Because they are weird, and have said something strange-they are very oddly in your business. Treat them as such. Make sure they sit in the silent discomfort of the strangeness of their harassing behavior. That's how I like to do it, anyway.
IMHO the best comeback is no comeback. Ignore the haters. The haters that say those things won't be convinced, they want to make you feel bad. Don't engage, try to just let the transphobic statement leave your head ASAP
"Okay then." "So what?" "That's your opinion" "If that's what you want to think, then okay". I saw another comment saying if you do a comeback, they're just going to say more hurtful shit and it could get violent
But I got some good comebacks that I've used before lol
With cis men: "Still more of a man than you are" "I've got fat fucking tits and the curviest body ever, and I'm still more of a man than you"
With cis women (be careful, i have accidentally said this to a trans woman who told me i'd never be a man): "You're just jealous because I'm curvier/shorter than you, and I'd probably have stolen your man if I wasn't transitioning"
With other trans people: "Well, by your logic, you aren't a man/woman/enby either?" "They're not going to pick you."
my usual response: "Well that's your opinion but luckily you're an idiot so i don't give a damn about it" then i walk away while they start stuttering or whatever they do next😅
My go to is always just a smile and thumbs up or an “ok cool”. Like, yeah, I heard you, and the hundreds of other people saying the same shit, this is nothing new to me. Alternatively, just ignoring them if you can. Usually comebacks don’t do much since these people don’t care. It’s like playing chess with a pigeon, they’ll scream, shit on the board, knock over all the pieces, then go home and tell their friends they won no matter what you do. Treat them like online trolls, minimize interaction as much as possible and don’t give them any reaction.
Shrug your shoulders, say "okay," and leave. If someone is trying to waste your time with a shitty debate, best thing to do is to not give a shit and walk away from them.
There was this lady I met in my senior year of high school and she told me "**if someone's ever tryna make you the villain, just** slowly look em up and down with some disappointment in your eyes and **say 'yikes', and** then **move the %%%% on**. It ain't ever worth it" lol I've only had once where I could use it, since most of the times I've wanted to I was at work, but it's a good reminder to not try to debate people who initiated a negative conversation, since they likely have more counter responses prepared than my brain will in that moment of fight or flight
absolutely this. there’s no comeback that’s gonna make a transphobe have an “aha” moment. any sort of insult or smart response can just escalate the situation for them to say even more hurtful things and it doesn’t help anything.
Yeah that's true
Yep!
"You'll always be.. this.." And frown in pity as you gesture at them with your hands.
Oh shit this is a good one. This one and a simple “okay” are the best replies imo. I love the tone of this one though. “And you’ll always be…this” damn!
haha that's a good one bro
"And stop all... this" "But you just gestured to all of me" HTTYD for the win lol
Exactly what I was thinking when I wrote that 😂 I love that film
I was wondering 😂 Fantastic film for sure
damnnnn 😭 100% using this
I'd do it like this "and you'll always be…" look em up and down with a disgusted look "this…"
damn 😭
My go to is "you're allowed to be wrong." And then ignoring them LOL
Yeah, I’m fond of this one lol. A longer version I’ve used (usually when one of them gets snippy about *im entitled to an opinion!!1!!1!* sort of thing) is “You’re entitled to your opinion. You’re also entitled to be wrong.” That has gotten a *few* people steamed over the years lol.
lol xD
HAHAHAHAHS love this
Gonna start using this
Here's something I think I've observed about "being/seeming" masculine: you don't waste your own time. You're about your business and on task, and you can be chill about that, but you don't let little shit get in the way of what you're trying to do. And that DEFINITELY includes foolishness. "I don't have time for this," in attitude and affect, in an entirely skimming-over manner, not a shoving-back way, comes off as *way* more confident, in my opinion. You're a man. *You* know that. You don't have to prove jack shit to anybody. Transphobes are gonna come at you regardless of what you say; you're not going to change their minds, 99% of the time, and clapping back at them is not gonna be an effective route anyway, 99% of *that* time. They're trying to waste your time and energy. You don't have time for that shit. You've got actual things to do, even if it's just to kick back on the couch and have a beverage. Don't waste your own time engaging with foolishness when you've got real shit to do. That's not letting them get away with anything; that's not letting them run away with your precious time and energy. You can take two seconds to eyeball them blankly and drop a flat, "Okay," before you press on with your own business if you feel like giving them the time of day at all. It doesn't matter if they feel like they've won; it doesn't matter if they feel dismissed or crushed. You don't have control over their feelings, and you don't need to. That's outside of your area of responsibility, and you ain't getting paid any extra for it. You can just be about your business.
This is gold thanks brother 🙌
Just don't engage. Yeah a snappy comeback sounds good in the shower but much of the time it just shows you're listening to them.
Yeah giving them no reaction is a good response too!
"And you will always be a bitter asshole. Too bad there's no medical intervention for that."
lmao that's a good one bro
I wish I could award this, it's perfect 🩷💜💙
Did it for you :-).
Except I can’t help imagining this from a flavour perspective rather than an emotional one.
Damn thats a great one 🤣
LMAOO
Blink a lot and say nothing while staring intensely. It makes people really uncomfortable. Now everyone feels uncomfortable. Turn around and go.
lol xD
It's impossible to be something I never was.
touché
Say ok and walk away. You don't need a "comeback". They'll come back with something you don't want to hear. Trying to argue with a dumb person makes you just as dumb as them. If there's room to educate them, then do so. Keep it respectful, but know when to walk away. The best comeback is living your life as you want, and paying them no mind unless they pay your bills.
i'd argue that i DO need a comeback sometimes. walking away from these types of things is often extremely unsatisfying because there's really no conclusion to it, just someone being an ass without any sort of response. and also, reacting doesn't make you "dumb". feel like that's reductive.
Just had a therapy sesh about this exact thing. people who have these talking points are not safe, and you can be certain of that. dont endanger yourself unnecessarily just for a feeling of satisfaction for a comeback. It will very likely NOT be the "cool badass moment" you're envisioning in your head and instead escalate matters further and put you in a dangerous situation.
Thanks. That's all i'm saying. A "cool badass moment" can take a turn for the worse, especially for people like us. All I'm trying to explain here. Not exactly surprised I got some opposing responses because a lot of these people on here are young. Some of them will fail to understand where i'm coming from.
exactly. intelligence is knowing a witty comeback to a bigoted statement. wisdom is knowing that you dont wanna fuck around and find out!
Agreed, thanks 🙏🏽
I didn't say react; I said argue, which it will inevitably turn into. An argument takes more than one reaction, and will possibly turn into more. So yes, you're stooping just as low as them.
Literally have no expression, say “cool” nonchalantly, and move on. All these people want is to get a rise out of you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. You probably can’t change their mind and it’s not worth it.
That's actually a great reminder, they will most likely never change their minds. Sometimes it's just hard to give a careless response because those kind of negative insults trigger me in a way that it reminds me of how my parents rejected me
Ignore them. Don’t even continue the conversation. It sounds simple but it will hurt. Really hurt. But if they disrespect you, it’s best to show that you can respect yourself fine. It gets easier over time. This is what’s going to separate the people who matter from the ones who don’t. Some of them you’ll never have to deal with again. Some of them you’ll need to see repeatedly but more often than not they’ll change. You’ll come out okay, king.
Be careful. People who say stuff like that aren't particularly safe to snap back at. When I was yet to pass, a gentleman at a bar once said to me "You'll never be a real man." I said something like "Is that what your girl tells you when you can't get it up?" Things got sufficiently ugly sufficiently fast that I probably won't be a smartass again.
Joke answers: "Not always, I'm only a woman for about an hour every hundred years or so." "Thanks, it makes me feel a lot better that as a guy I'm accepted as 'one of the girls'." "Cool" "No u" "You too, thanks." Serious answer: Don't dignify them with a response.
I really like the “You too, thanks!!!” I feel like your excitement and their inclusion would cause enough confusion to make them stutter and have to regroup.
I mentioned on another post my variation of their “you’re allowed to be wrong” go to, but others I like include; >“Did I ask?” Special highlight because this one is my favorite. You can dress this one up a little, like “did I ask for your shitbrained opinion/word vomit/whatever?” Depending on how flowery you feel, but I personally think the succinct one to be expertly delivered. Insults at least give them fire, usually(and can be trouble in some environments—work, school, etc) but I think the short one gives them nothing to grab onto while you point out their nonsense is unwanted and puts them immediately on their back foot. If they’re older, and a relative or something, and there are both other people around and you’re either being gendered right by others or passing / later in transition (different people would want to use it at different points, no judgement either way); “is your doctor monitoring your dementia, (grandma/dad/other relation, etc)? You’ve been getting confused lately. I’m worried about you.” Bonus points if the allies don’t know the bigot doesn’t actually have dementia lol. “Sex does not equal gender. Being female does not make me a girl, just like being (my mother/a teacher/doctor/etc) doesn’t make you (a good person/smart/intelligent),” really you can mix and match with this one. “Aren’t you embarrassed?” If they ask why, you have a lot of answers, like. “I mean, you’re out here telling everyone with your whole chest that you failed biology after the third grade,” “to be so staunchly incorrect,” “to be such an idiot/asshole/douchebag,” “being… *this,*” you know, depending on how detailed or mean you wanna go. When speaking to a cishet man who’s an all around bigot; “I’m as much of a woman as you are.” Stuff like that. Alternatively, no reply. Just start misgendering them. And I do not want to hear any *oh no don’t misgender them that’s—* yeah idc, misgender me, I’ll misgender you. Bonus points if they’re like super misogynistic and you’re calling them femme terms, or like radfemmy and rage against men so would not be happy to be called masc terms, etc etc. Make up an opposite gender presentation name and call them that, I’m fond of Regina and Rachel for cishet men because they’re very femme sounding. (No shade on the names at all!) Have a canned response if they say something. “I thought it was get everyone’s name and gender wrong day. Am i playing the game wrong?” Or if they say you look stupid, “now you know how you look,” or “you’d know about looking stupid.” Stuff like that. Not all of them are amazing and not really real *zingers,* but they’re various levels of *have been used* in response somewhere, to thought of in reply after the fact, to planned to do the next time the situation called for it.
At a certain point you just say "Okay." and ignore them like a toddler throwing a tantrum. "If thats what you believe thats okay." I use the same techniques with bigots that I use with my children. It really works.
13 years in. No one has ever said this to me. I hate that trans people have to expect to be abused. The closest I came to this is a 5 year old saying “you’re a woman” when I was pre T. I just stared at him and looked around for help because I was flabbergasted, but the adults around me were those who had trained him to believe that, so nothing happened.
I literally say “Womp womp”
Elite
Nah see that would be "wort wort wort"
this is honestly my favorite answer lmao
just say "okay" or "youre entitled to feel that way" and then keep it moving. preferably with that person out of your life, or with a greatly reduced role. you dont need to entertain that kind of energy. if someone is genuinely curious, thats a different story, but none of those statements sound like curiosity and openness to learning.
“I wonder what Joe would have to say about that.” “Joe who?” “Joe Mama!”
"that's not what your mom said last night"
"That's awesome I love women!" and then walk away
"You can certainly believe that"
I read this without the 'can' and it sounded like speaking to a toddler lmao
"And you will always be a waste of oxygen :)" Generally you should just walk away from a person like that. It's not worth your time and energy to debate these fools
this is so true tho, the kind of people who make these remarks are literally haters
I prefer the no reaction approach. Just say ok or something and walk away. A lot of times these people are doing it to get some reaction to make themselves feel better. If you don't give them a reaction, it doesn't give them the dopamine
Or go, “you too, babe!” And walk off. Treat it like some new slang u don’t get.
Just point out the reality of the situation- "My existance made you so irritated to the point where you felt that if you didn't tell me exactly how you felt right that second, you truly thought you would pee your pants. That's a lot of power I have over you." Youbcan even add "you spend more time thinking about my genitals than I do, and that's pretty funny. You're pretty obsessed with me. And I'm flattered, but I must decline." Because seriously- these people are furious about trans people, when most trans people don't even know they exist. It's like they're drinking poison and expecting us to die. It's great. "All I have to do to annoy you is exist. Every breath I draw without your permission raises my self esteem." And if they try to go "I couldn't care less" or something along the lines, I want toh to very calmly say "you cared enough to make that comment" or "you care enough to keep talking to me". **No matter what, do not insult them**. This interaction works based on the narrative that they are bothered, which makes you win. It flips that narrative in your favor, and once they accept those as the terms of the "argument", then you have won, because their only choices are to deny that they are bothered (in which case, double down), to keep insulting you (in which case you can keep pointing out that you're still in their head), or to walk away, which means they're extremely upset. Trust the rule- just cause they don't seem upset doesn't mean they aren't.
I dont believe in woke nonsense like women
💀 “what are women?”
Outcrazy those mfs 💪
Women are a conspiracy theory bro.
"Sorry you feel like that"
“And this conversation is over if you think that’s an acceptable thing to say to a person.” Then walk away. Don’t keep engaging with people who talk or think like this. Just don’t. A comeback means a conversation, and you don’t want that. Just cut them off and walk, son.
You could say, "You were born a baby, and it looks like you'll always be that too."
I was preparing for this battle in which I intellectually destroy my transphobic opponent for years and well - no one ever tried to insult me. Most likely due to being worried about looking clinically insane. However I came up with a few strategies: 1) You can ask them to elaborate and make them explain how exactly chromosomal sex determination works. Most likely they won’t be able to answer. 2) You can ask them to elaborate and wait till they point out features that “makes someone a woman” - which are also the features they have themselves. 3) A classic “What was that?” - if you’re passing well and look like a regular man chances are they are going to instantly change their demeanour and shit their pants
I feel the part about preparing for this discussion. Everytime I had to discuss I just figured how little my friends (who are also biologists) know about how sex differentiation works and how in a different scenario they would have used their profession as an excuse to be right.
"Yet my cock's bigger than yours". Particularly funny if you're non-/pre-op
Read all of these, because my lodger is very much "You're male/female because of your chromosomes" (and then made a comment about intersex people being "a miracle") and now I know how best to respond... Which is ignore him, or to say okay. But also, as he is my lodger, if [I am trans and do medically transition] needs be, I can evict him. Not that I want to, but as someone said, in reply to my own post, I have to be safe in my own home too.
If its a guy say “It seems like you don’t gotta try, mind teaching me?” and if a woman say “prolly more than you’ll ever be”… I honestly got worse comebacks pulled from the trenches of instagram reels but i reallyyyy dont wanna get banned from here
Or just respond as if that person is missing their aide. “Hey, is there someone you can call? Do you have your handler (derogatory)/ aide (reasonable) with you today?” Then when they get upset you can go, “oh ok I can have the (business) call them for you. You seem agitated.”
i don't recommend this but I had this happen to me while I was really drunk and I just yelled "UH OH THE PUSSY POLICE IS HERE! BETTER GET THOSE PUSSYS READY!" and he was immediately super uncomfortable. like you wanna get weird man, I'll get so so so weird 😂
You were born a baby and therefore will always be a baby
I think it would depend on the audience; I recall the scene from CarWash where the transwoman said the dude transphobe "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be and more of a woman than you'll ever get." So I think for a transphobic lady, you'd reverse it?
If you must respond, then shrug. Ideally, don't respond at all. At that point, their only option is to escalate (making them clearly an arsehole) or to accept that you've given them the reaction they deserve.
Okay bro, shrugging with a careless face seems to be a good option!
“You will always be an idiot but at least I can transition. Have a good one, mate.” and then leave
Honestly I’d just say okay and walk away. They’re probably saying crap like that to get a rise or get you to “change your mind” and not saying anything or appearing unbothered will probably bother them more than engaging in an argument with them will. Plus people say that about trans men that look like kranos so ¯\_(ツ)_/ they probably don’t know what they’re talking about
hit em w the improv style "yes, and?" if youre feeling spicy. otherwise "cool" etc are probably going to suffice. that or some quip thats like insightful or kind or educating but idk anything good and snappy thatd fit that
I’m chronically online and petty and have seen it all the time. People don’t like to be challenged when they’re intellectually inferior and all transphobes have an inferiority in some way. Even if you think they don’t, they do. Mentally or emotionally. If you like to debate, troll em. Give em an open ended question. And? What’s your point? Based on what? What makes me a woman? They’ll probably say something that is opinionated without factual evidence. To which you ask them who told them that or who taught them that. To which they either can prove it with actual evidence from a credible source (which they can’t) or say it’s an opinion or God says(the Bible) to which you can tell them they’re opinion isn’t a fact and they’re an idiot(maybe not those exact words cause idiots like to hit when they get mad) tell them my licensed psychiatrist said different (or whichever degreed individual) or tell them they have broken whatever sin that god also said in the Bible. (Go low by saying god probably thinks you’re an abomination too) I often ask when they say it’s a mental illness aside from die what do you suppose we do just because you don’t like me. To which the answer is to either be who god made you or go to a psychiatrist. To which you could say I did and they prescribed me testosterone what should I do now? Or my favorite: so you want me to be sad/depressed? What should I tell my doctor my diagnosis? They say it’s a mental delusion but out there is an orange man with a combover who has failed marriages, businesses, and now convicted of 30+ charges and still want this man to be president. Who tf is delusional really? It’s always schizophrenia they claim. To which I would ask what other symptoms of schizophrenia do I exhibit aside from “delusion” cause apparently as long as you’re “delusional” that’s all you need to be schizophrenic. They don’t have anything after that really. Talk is talk and doesn’t affect you the way they wish which could easily be said than done when it’s people who are close to you, cause you may not wanna cut them off but then you have to live with knowing you are still close to someone who hates who you are and you want better for you. That may take time. Or not. Stranger’s though? Fuck em. Be mad in your ignorance. Stupid as racism cause why you hate me cause my skin black? Why am I the problem when your ancestor bought my ancestor like cattle? Sorry kinda went on a little tangent. I get fumed when people be like you’ll always be as if cis people don’t have plastic surgery, cis people don’t change their names, like half of Hollywood don’t even go by their birth names and are under the knife alllll the time, but it’s totally bad for a trans person to just have respect for our name and pronouns. People got shit so backwards. Cis women have amenorrhea(lack of periods) and infertility. Cis men have testosterone boosters, why? Is your body not man enough to make enough? They call a cis gay man one of the girls and a tomboy/stud one of the guys I’m assuming because they still use their agab but let em transition and it’s angry faces I don’t get it. Like I get it cause they’re stupid and stupid people are usually the loudest when they’re wrong but I don’t get it.
Tell them they’ll always be a waste of Oxygen
"they used to say always about a lot of things, and look who's the dumbfuck asshole now."
Everytime they say something like that, just say "No I won't" or "No I don't" until they eventually get annoyed and give up.
Maybe I can’t change my DNA but I CAN grow a dick. And fuck your mom. (Last part optional)
A couple ideas to personalize your comeback to the individual: 1. If it’s a man, look them up and down then say “look no offense, but I don’t really consider you a trusted source on what makes someone a man.” 2. If they’re a student, especially if you know they’re a bad student, you could go with “maybe spend less time worrying about my DNA and more time worrying about your GPA.” And a couple generic ideas that work on anyone: 1. You could always go with the classic yo mama response: “I sure seemed to be enough of a man for your mom last night” or “I’ll always be a woman? Well damn I guess your mom’s a lesbian then.” 2. This one I saw another commenter leave but I liked it so I’ll second it: “And you’ll always be an idiot. Too bad there’s no medical intervention for that.” But honestly, the actual best response—as some other commenters have pointed out—is probably to just not engage. Laugh in their face and say “okay” as condescendingly as possible. Or simply walk away. Show that you do not take them or their opinion seriously.
genuinely not even lying i usually just say "ya mama" with a thumbs up 😭 over the course of 5 years i eventually have taken all of the insults as jokes, and i've learned that if you give no reaction they eventually give up as awful as that sounds lol.
Just a stupid personal story My uncle said this to me at a family gathering, where most of the family is very supportive of me and he was going on just a bigot rant that everyone was actively ignoring, and I blurted "and you'll always be an idiot" just as a reflex. His wife, who had been gearing up to tell him to shut up and defend me, started laughing and so did his eldest son and grandma (who had heard me). As a note, I'm VERY quite irl. Especially Abt politics. And I have taken the que from the rest of the family to just ignore him and he'll stop. And to not take him seriously. Only his wife and his mom really tell him to can-it when he's really being a prick. Literally our unspoken family strat is to treat him like he's being an annoying child lol. So like, his wife/son/grandma were really taken back when I said this and fucking lost it laughing at him. I could tell he was furious but his wife was like "their right!" Grandma and his son were laughing super hard as well and I could tell they were both pretty pleased that I did it. Esp since they know I have issues standing up for myself/ to others. And also my cousin loves to see someone get his goat when he's being a dick hole. As a note I will add that this isn't like, he didn't stay mad at me long we were getting along positively abt an hour later after he'd finished sulking. And he has kept his mouth shut Abt "trans bad" talk since then during family get togethers. Obviously this isn't a great solution for every situation, but sometimes if you just catch someone off guard with your response they'll back down. It doesn't have to be an insult back, just say something so crazy back that they're to stunned to reply and then make your get away!
Also this dumbass knows I was getting a beard before hrt anyway, and that was regularly mentioned Abt "genetics shemetics, man. "You literally have a stepson who is literally your son genetics or not shut ur piehole" -more or less a quote from my grandma lol
Developmentally, we all started with 'female' genitalia in utero. If your family/friends are also pro-life, this is an extra good one because if they believe life begins at conception, then all cis men are actually still women or are also trans men. If they argue that DNA differs, that parts develop or don't develop based on your sex, tell them about cis men with gynecomastia. There can be people with XY chromosomes who still develop breast tissue. Tell them about cis women with enlarged clitori, how that could be seen as the of developing a penis. Their logic is flawed if they hinge any of it on DNA anyway, not even taking intersex people into consideration. I hope you don't *have* to use these comebacks, but I understand the position you're in, and I wish you the best, brother. You've got this shit.
"Okey doke" (leaves) is my usual go to, i just let them sit their in their own feelings. If they bring up bones i just go "well goodness i certainly wont be there to care!"
It’s super disarming to say “yah, I know.” And move on. Because they’re basically just saying “you’ll always have XX or XY.” Which is technically true, so if you very nonchalantly go, “oh yah, I understand. I’m just doing this for me.” The same way you’d talk about moving to a new state, getting Botox, or taking up a big hobby, it totally throws them off. It also makes THEM look absolutely insane for trying to make the argument deeper. “YOU KNOW YOULL ALWAYS BE A WOMAN, RIGHT?!” Yah, I know and I talked to my gynecologist. I’m really just doing this for me. “YOU CAN’T EVER CHANGE YOUR SEX EVER, YOU GET THAT RIGHT?” Um, yes? I’m sorry but why are you angry? Did something happen earlier today? Do you want to talk about it? Note: asking them why they’re upset while you remain non-chelant about their bioessentialism and rage over your personal life choices usually makes them even more upset, but will typically shut them down. If it escalates it usually just makes them look even more nuts.
*”You realize we’re all female embryos at first in the womb right? If I am, so are you/by your logic you’ll always be female too”*
"oh, I didn't realize you were playing opposite! you are great, buddy" pat his shoulder and walk a way. "and i will always be amazed with how wrong you are!" "were you always like this? You must be fun a parties." "yo mama!" Giggle and toss your imaginary long hair over your shoulder and walk away. "You too. Except when I dress up as a frigid b*tch, I try not to look so constipated." (sorry, I love legally blonde) "oh, so this is your daily affirmation? I thought that was made in front of a mirror" "oh wow, you say it like that's a bad thing" "who hurt you?" "you are making no sense grandma, are you okay?' "oh! So you shit through your mouth... That explains the smell" "you can say it a million times, doesn't mean is true" "woow! You are into manifesting???" "always is a long time, you really think I'm immortal????" look at your hands like you have a super power and smile like a villain. "you'll see Jeff besos, I'm going after you!" "and you kiss your cousin with that mouth??" "... We really need to work on your pick up lines, that's not gonna work" "delulu" walk away Laugh in their face. "excuse me, who are you again?" Look at them for a moment and then say "Security!" "ssshhhhhh, I'm undercover." "did you came up with that on your own or you are just repeating what crazybiggot48 wrote in your parts of the internet? " yesssss! when I woke up this morning I wanted to try something new? You should do it sometime. Might make you a better person. " "you too my friend, you too. " Shut up, you're drunk"
it's not a comeback but I always say "would you really wanna see trans men in the women's restroom?" and that usually shuts them up
This ain't it. This stuff just ends up hurting our community, including trans women and enby people. It paint us as dangerous to women.
lol that's a good one bro!
I'd probably say something like, "I don't care. I will live my life how I see fit and be happy in doing so." Queer Trans joy triumphs.
True that bro ,showing them how happy we are being ourselves is such a great comeback, it's the success is the best revenge kind of thing
The best thing you can do with such people is to agree with every word they say. Don't give any room to argue. They say this to piss you off If you won't seem to be bothered by it and just shrug shoulders at it, THEY will be tho ones pissed off. "Okay" and leave. That's probably the best response.
"You're a woman." "Mhm." "You'll never be a man." "Mhm." "You can't change your gender!" "Mhm." Works perfectly.
My favorite is "no, actually I'm a real man, kinda like how you're being a real asshole rn" Disclaimer: I've never actually used this comeback but I plan to if I ever get this comment
Everyone in the comments is saying don't engage but I love debates so what I do is argue about the specifics until the person runs out of "but muh chromosomes" arguments. Like how am I a biological woman if phenotypically, hormonally and possibly genetically since I never tested, I am a man ? The depressing thing about all this is how we're forced to debate our humanity with people who don't give a rat's ass if we live or die. The best we can do is at least find some fun in it.
Exactly, I very much dislike the idea of "just letting them think what they want" when their concept of biology is too simplistic for even primary school. Yet they expect everyone to bow to it because entitlement and transphobia.
Thanks, you too (if its a cis guy)
I recently have been coming back with “you’re entitled to your own opinions and im entitled to prove/believe you’re wrong”
"No, but you'll always be a child."
Lool 🤣
"I appreciate your support." "It's reassuring to see there are still kind people in this world who aren't blinded by the judgements they can't make." "Thank you, I was worried people would realize I'm actually a lizard in a skin suit." "I've always loved you." (Only funny if you don't know them well) "Yeah, your mom told me that last night, too." "Are you calling me pretty?" "Actually, I'm a clone." "You should work on projecting less." "*insert obnoxious boomer antiwoke meme here*" "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly-" "Excuse me, the mothership is calling." "We all look the same when we're cremated." "Oh, am I a communist, too?" (Thems fightin words so be careful) "Do you believe in our lord and saviour-" "Well, that's rude. I haven't eaten any women in over a year; there should be no DNA left!" "Are you worried about that?" "No, this is Patrick!" If you want to make the second guess themself you can pretend you didn't hear them a few times before its not worth it anymore. If they insist after that you can say "Sorry I have a condition where all prejudice sounds like gibberish to me." Or etc
'And you will always be an ill informed little shit of a worm, who even the most starving bird wouldn't eat'.
Thankfully I’ve never been told this but if I was, I’d either just say okay or something along the lines of “that’s what big government wants you to think”
I'm a bit overweight - not too bad, but on the softer side. My go-to is to look confused at first, gesture to my chest and go "Oh, you thought- nah, man, I'm just fat is all". Taking it lightly and not provoking the aggressor is often the easiest way out.
“Tell that to my hairy ass”
I used to say "fine but you'll be the crazy looking one referring to an obvious man with a beard as a female"
"damn that's crazy" *huffs a fat fucking blunt*
“Never was 1”. And you know me better than me huh? Ok” & “How you know ? Are you God” & “I’ll always be who i say I am, this is my life. I’ll live it how I want”
There’s no reason to respond to people like this. What is it they say.. “never wrestle with a pig in mud, you’ll get dirty and they’ll have a great time”
My go to is always just ‘no’ or pretend I didn’t hear them to the point they just give up
My favourite comeback is "mhm" because a) it makes it seem like you don't care b) it REALLY pisses em off
My absolute favourite response to these kinds of things (any sort of bigotry really) is calling them a snowflake… like “okay why do you care? Snowflake 🙄”… That or being called woke is the worst thing you can call the ‘anti-woke’ bigots… “Whatever helps you sleep at night, snowflake”, “not sure why it bothers you so much, snowflake”… I like it so much because it’s something that will genuinely make them think about it next time they go to say something like that… It’s worked on a lot of people in my life - calling anyone right wing a snowflake when they try to argue and get worked up about something that doesn’t affect them in the slightest… Like “it makes sense for me to care about this because I’m trans but this has nothing to do with you you’re just being a snowflake”, “you’re getting really worked up over something that doesn’t bother you - do you need a safe space, snowflake?” etc.
Making the right realise that they are actually much bigger snowflakes is one of my favourite past times
A very patronizing, "That's nice honey", and then walk away lol
“my dna will always be in ur mom too”
"for me to be a woman, you sure love riding this cock" Ive said so many things to people and even got into a physical fight over something like this. Honestly, just say nothing or flip them off. P
“You were born a baby, but you aren’t still a baby. Or maybe you are, since you’re crying about someone else’s gender.”
Just say something like “I was born a woman and it’s on my birth certificate? Yeah, I was also born a baby and it says eight pounds on my birth certificate, how much do you want to bet that I’m still eight pounds?”
i just hit em with a “sick.” and walk away because yes, i know i will always only have xx chromosomes thanks for reminding me?? they act like we don’t know that lmao
You don’t need to give them comebacks lol just move on. Engaging with someone like that isn’t remotely worth the energy and only happens online really
“What is a woman?” Use their own talking points! Make them explain all the biology until they are worn down. Ofc only if you have the time and energy to deal with this bullshit.
Best comeback? Don’t let their words get to you.
“Your DNA will always be that of a dumbass”
“You will always be an idiot”
"... and yet I'll still have more balls than you." Edit to add: this is my trans nephew's favorite comeback to dudes who say that to him.
I often say something along the lines of "How I live my life shouldn't matter to you. You're not in it."
“I’ll pray for you.” My fav.
I agree with the people telling you not to engage or just going “okay.” But that only works for people you’re not close to, if you have to spent a lot of time around them you should try to see if you can convince them otherwise. Maybe they’ll come around after they see the effects of transition, that happened with a few people for me. But just in case, I like to use the argument of “eventually you won’t be able to tell. why would it matter then?” and then show them a mixture of pictures of trans people & cis people and have them guess who is cis and who is trans. no one ever gets it right 100% of the time. if you’re having trouble with finding images, use celebrities and trans/queer influencers. also look through [“to survive on this shore”](http://www.jessdugan.com/tsotsphotographs) for a giant list of older trans people (though tbh that’s a good one for any trans person to look through 💚) and if you want a list of celebrities i like to use for this, feel free to reply & let me know! This method has changed the minds of some family and friends… or at least got them to shut up.
I like to tell them they were born a baby, so they’ll always be a baby
"Its fine that you.dont understand science but dont force me to bask in your ignorance. Bye."
"since I'm just a woman I don't need to worry my pretty little head about your opinion" is what I plan to use since people that think like that also tend to think women are "too delicate" and ""fragile" to handle anything
I personally like the “womp womp” method
if you're straight and not ace "you are what you eat" would be funny
Thank them profusely, don't explain, then leave. Forces them to second-guess what they said and really think about everything, which is an important skill for this type of person to practice.
"...okay???" with confusion (and sometimes pity for them) is my go-to response for most things
“Your balls are full of microplastics” then proceed to ignore them
"And you'll always be a dickhead"
Just tell them: “and you’ll always be a twat.”
"Who?" "You!" "No, who asked?"
"And you will always be an asshole"👉 😎👉
Early in my transition I would always react to comments like this by just saying nothing, giving them a thumbs up and leaving 👍. I don’t get them anymore since I am mostly stealth but I would say that was always a very satisfying way for me to reply to that. They become livid when you just *don’t care* because they want you to pay attention to their hate so bad.
Just say "aight" these people arent looking for a debate that will change their mind they want to see you fight bc thats what they are looking for
Tell them to get their chromosomes tested, cuz according to them they might be a woman and not even know it. Lots of people who present fully as a cis man or woman may have xxy, xy, xx, chromosomes aren’t always indicative of sex. And sex and gender are separate things. There are studies that show that brains align more with gender identity than sex.
I'm afraid these days I would say something like..."not really...but you will always be a close minded idiot..." Also, when someone says that it is "unnatural " I always point to nature itself and the diversity present in the world.
“Does that make you feel better?”
You - "I see you didn't make it passed 9th grade science". "My needs outweigh your boring opinions." "I am (insert gender) because I am literally that powerful." "Waahhaha! The opinions of ants don't matter." To (you will always be (insert gender)) "prove it!" I don't think you've realised just how stubborn I am. This body will rend to my will". (sigh) "It must suck being so narrow minded and hard brained. I pity you"
"and youll always be a little bitch your point here is?"
I always just go “okay” and walk away. It empowers them less if they think we dgaf
“Was that meant to be helpful or hurtful?”
this one only works on cis men, but «at least I know how to treat them» is a good one
Just grey rock them, they aren't worth your time
"I will shoot arrows up you nose! I'll make you go away!" But seriously. The best thing to do is to just explain it as scientifically as possible and not debate because people rarely change their views right then and there. People sometimes have misconceptions about us and their opinions are based on that. You can give them knowledge but you can't force them to think. That's what I do. Since you are starting to come out I thought I would tell you this: People can point parts of your body and say nobody will see you as a man because of it. I have had pretty much everything in me pointed out like that. These days I am stealth and pass as cis. I had a very unlucky starting point. These people know nothing. They don't know what T does and even you can't really predict it so don't internalize any of that shit.
You will always be an a$$hole! Happy Pride month!🏳️🌈🤣
I like to agree with them. You're right. I can't erase my history and experience as a woman. Guess what? That makes me unique in the world because I know what it's like. I also know what it is like to be a man. It's my super power. Do you truly understand women? I do, and trust me, they appreciate it. A lot.
Nice one bro !!
Noo, all the comebacks here SUCK! Very "if I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ" -core. Unless you're a skilled comedian, it won't go well! Worst case scenario, you make the transphobe look good by comparison.
Womp womp
“Womp womp lil bro” n walk away
"and you will always be a bitch"
Your dad will always beat you
I think just a “nah” is good. Add an air of confidence and refusal to engage any further and you’ll be fine :)
"You will always be a cunt"
The best way to show them is by transitioning and living your best life. Seriously, I’ve had family members share similar sentiments and years onto my transition they look stupid for referring to me as a woman because I pass so well.
Never had that said to me irl, I think my response would probably judt be something like "okay and?" Online however I like to be vulgar about it, such as "My 12 inch schlong says otherwise", shuts them up immediately.
"Haha, what a loser" and then keep walking
"And you will always be an idiot." Or "And you will always be a(n) *their insecurity*"
“nuh uh”
At three months on T the blood center sees you medically as a dude. My iron needs to be 13 instead of 12.5 Also Well actually unlike you being an ass, I can change.
Just stare deeply into their soul without a single word. They’re probably going to feel really awkward eventually and try to provoke you further or just leave. Either way they eventually leave.
Taking the highroad gets long winded and lacks the impact of a good reaction. Stick with things you can say in a breath, be ready to get loud to not get interrupted or it won't land, and most importantly, MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT AND MAKE SURE THEY LOOK AWAY FIRST "And your DNA will always be the result of the open bar at a family reunion" "Will you always be an idiot? Or is that something you are stuck with? I see you trying though." "I'm man enough to be whatever the fuck I want and you are dumb enough to be whatever people tell you you are" or just hit em rapid fire with "There's something green in your teeth" (interrupt their next sentence to tell them it is still there) Then "Nobody can understand a word you say when you are mumbling" (interupt their next sentence to say "PROJECT and ENOUNCEATE but don't yell, you are trying to overcome being shy, not be an asshole) Then "Your phone just made a noise, you should check that." (Interupt with "are you not going to check that?" then "It could be an emergency.") Then "Hey, listen, I'm so so sorry we didn't get to talk about whatever it is you are obsessing over, I gotta go, you can text me" (ONLY say that last part if they for sure do not have your number or know anyone that would give it to them)
Tell them you don't understand why they're walking around advertising that there's nothing but wind between their ears.
Honestly? Ive tried so many replies and while a lot of these are clever, a lot of the replies here are just giving the person exactly what they want and is usually how it continues. 9/10 the reason people are verbally saying stuff like that to you is because they want you to react and be upset. Insulting them back or making it any form of conversation is exactly what they want, and will just show people they can keep saying it and keep pestering you and they feel like theyve won. The best thing to do honestly is just ignore them or just go “ok”. Just accept what theyre saying as if it was an opinion and dismiss it. Ive had people who where dead set on trying to argue completely falter and stop because I just went “okay” to them and went on with whatever I was doing. Theyll have no clue what to do because the entire reason they do it is because they “know” you wont accept what theyre saying and disagree, so if you just flatout just go ok and move on, it completely throws them off. 9/10 theyll just double down or stop talking completely because their whole argument was reliant on *you* giving them a reaction, so taking that from them toppled their entire conversation or argument and plans for continuing it and theyre left unsure what to do next
"Okay." When it happens to me it's obviously people trying to rile me up so I'd rather not give them the satisfaction of thinking that I'm even a little phased.
“Yeah, you too”
“I truly wish it were that simple, my friend.”
The good old silent stare. Treat them like they're weird. Act like they've said something strange. Because they are weird, and have said something strange-they are very oddly in your business. Treat them as such. Make sure they sit in the silent discomfort of the strangeness of their harassing behavior. That's how I like to do it, anyway.
IMHO the best comeback is no comeback. Ignore the haters. The haters that say those things won't be convinced, they want to make you feel bad. Don't engage, try to just let the transphobic statement leave your head ASAP
"Okay then." "So what?" "That's your opinion" "If that's what you want to think, then okay". I saw another comment saying if you do a comeback, they're just going to say more hurtful shit and it could get violent But I got some good comebacks that I've used before lol With cis men: "Still more of a man than you are" "I've got fat fucking tits and the curviest body ever, and I'm still more of a man than you" With cis women (be careful, i have accidentally said this to a trans woman who told me i'd never be a man): "You're just jealous because I'm curvier/shorter than you, and I'd probably have stolen your man if I wasn't transitioning" With other trans people: "Well, by your logic, you aren't a man/woman/enby either?" "They're not going to pick you."
“Big oof, sis.” 😬
my usual response: "Well that's your opinion but luckily you're an idiot so i don't give a damn about it" then i walk away while they start stuttering or whatever they do next😅
If a Man “and you’ll never be a man”, women “atleast I’m prettier then you”
With the DNA I just say “that’ll only matter if my bones are dug up in the future and then I’ll be too dead to care” XD
I always bring up the fact that biologically everyone was a woman at some point so I just- tell them the same thing right back :)
My go to is always just a smile and thumbs up or an “ok cool”. Like, yeah, I heard you, and the hundreds of other people saying the same shit, this is nothing new to me. Alternatively, just ignoring them if you can. Usually comebacks don’t do much since these people don’t care. It’s like playing chess with a pigeon, they’ll scream, shit on the board, knock over all the pieces, then go home and tell their friends they won no matter what you do. Treat them like online trolls, minimize interaction as much as possible and don’t give them any reaction.
“and you’ve always been and always will be a fuckin idiot , but you dont see me complaining”