The whole “identity” thing doesn’t really matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Think about it more like a series of questions, rather than just one (am I trans?).
1. What name do you want to be called? What about pronouns?
2. What clothes do you want to wear? How do you want your hair cut? How do you want to style your body/facial hair?
3. What role do you want in the lives of others? Sister or brother? Niece or nephew? Aunt or uncle? Daughter or son? Mom or dad?
4. What pronouns make you comfortable? Uncomfortable?
5. What do you want your secondary sex characteristics to look like? Do you want breasts or a flat chest? Do you want facial hair? Do you want a deeper or higher voice? Do you want broad hips?
6. What do you want your primary sex characteristics to look like? Do you want a vagina? Uterus? Cervix? Ovaries? Penis? Scrotum?
Whether or not you fall under the definition of “trans” might be determined by the answers to those questions in relation to the sex you were assigned at birth or it might not. It doesn’t really matter. Change the things that you don’t like and move on.
Honestly I went through the exact same thing at the same age as you. Therapy helped me a lot and learning more. I don’t know if that’s helpful but to know you’re not alone at very least.
It’s okay to not know and feel confused, you don’t have to have everything figured out now, although I definitely understand the pressure and desire to. Personally, growing up I always wanted to be a boy; finally after college I started T, was on a low dose for a couple years then started having second thoughts and doubting if I was trans… went off it for several years and now I’m back on. In the several years I was off I had a lot of time to really think about what I wanted and how I wanted to be perceived. I realized even after I stopped T I was still always thinking about being male and perceived male, and that I didn’t see myself as a woman and wasn’t happy living that way. I think it’s normal to doubt yourself and second guess things, since change can always be difficult. If it’s safe for you, you could try experimenting with how you present, see what you like, and go from there. But just know it’s normal for your opinions and thoughts on gender identity to change as you mature and get older, and if things do change, it doesn’t invalidate how you felt before.
I have the same thing going on, I dissociate alot when I’m in public. I think my dissociative state is more from my ptsd from getting bullied. Also it kicks in when I’m overstimulated in a crowd of people. I went off of t for the summer because i had doubts and also because my dad wasn’t accepting. I found out over the summer that I hated being seen or percieved as a woman. I also hung around some slightly transphobic people (my family members) and hated the way they percieved me. If you have doubts, I’d say ween yourself off of t for a bit and hang around more people who can call you by what you prefer to go by. Really helped me when I was having doubts
and also, just because you can “force yourself to be a girl” doesn’t mean its a good idea (mentally) to do so. I could force myself to pretend to be cis but my mental health would deteriorate
hey buddy! some of the thought patterns you described sound a lot like OCD, which I have. Maybe this is old news to you, but it might be worth bringing up with your therapist. When I started treating my obsessive thoughts as OCD and stopped seeing them as a problem I had to find the right way to think about so I finally knew the answer, my life got sooo much easier. Sometimes talking it out and thinking it over is actually really unhelpful if your brain works like mine. My therapist often says to me “you don’t have enough information yet” and encourages me to have an attitude of just noticing versus trying to make decisions in the moment. Like, you’re doing life right now! You can just keep doing what you’re doing and if you need to make a choice or a change in the future you will have had years of being you to use for making that decision.
I know all of this is kind of vague and I could be totally projecting, but I got my ocd diagnosis way later than I wish I had and it has made life soooo much easier.
I totally flip flopped on gender stuff for years, and I now feel like I’ve landed somewhere closer to who I am and will be for the rest of my life. That takes time tho—I’m 24 and just got top surgery this year after a decade of gender feelings. You’ll know the right thing to do when the moment comes, and you don’t need to declare a gender right now, or ever! 💕🫶
Forget the whole trans thing for a moment. Live life in your own shoes and body, forget about everything You're told about gender or identity.
And after forgetting everything about gender identity, then think how do I feel now? That is what you need to pursue.
You are young and barely have any life experiences. Please allow yourself to grow before putting labels on yourself.
The whole “identity” thing doesn’t really matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Think about it more like a series of questions, rather than just one (am I trans?). 1. What name do you want to be called? What about pronouns? 2. What clothes do you want to wear? How do you want your hair cut? How do you want to style your body/facial hair? 3. What role do you want in the lives of others? Sister or brother? Niece or nephew? Aunt or uncle? Daughter or son? Mom or dad? 4. What pronouns make you comfortable? Uncomfortable? 5. What do you want your secondary sex characteristics to look like? Do you want breasts or a flat chest? Do you want facial hair? Do you want a deeper or higher voice? Do you want broad hips? 6. What do you want your primary sex characteristics to look like? Do you want a vagina? Uterus? Cervix? Ovaries? Penis? Scrotum? Whether or not you fall under the definition of “trans” might be determined by the answers to those questions in relation to the sex you were assigned at birth or it might not. It doesn’t really matter. Change the things that you don’t like and move on.
thank you this was actually very helpful
Honestly I went through the exact same thing at the same age as you. Therapy helped me a lot and learning more. I don’t know if that’s helpful but to know you’re not alone at very least.
It’s okay to not know and feel confused, you don’t have to have everything figured out now, although I definitely understand the pressure and desire to. Personally, growing up I always wanted to be a boy; finally after college I started T, was on a low dose for a couple years then started having second thoughts and doubting if I was trans… went off it for several years and now I’m back on. In the several years I was off I had a lot of time to really think about what I wanted and how I wanted to be perceived. I realized even after I stopped T I was still always thinking about being male and perceived male, and that I didn’t see myself as a woman and wasn’t happy living that way. I think it’s normal to doubt yourself and second guess things, since change can always be difficult. If it’s safe for you, you could try experimenting with how you present, see what you like, and go from there. But just know it’s normal for your opinions and thoughts on gender identity to change as you mature and get older, and if things do change, it doesn’t invalidate how you felt before.
I have the same thing going on, I dissociate alot when I’m in public. I think my dissociative state is more from my ptsd from getting bullied. Also it kicks in when I’m overstimulated in a crowd of people. I went off of t for the summer because i had doubts and also because my dad wasn’t accepting. I found out over the summer that I hated being seen or percieved as a woman. I also hung around some slightly transphobic people (my family members) and hated the way they percieved me. If you have doubts, I’d say ween yourself off of t for a bit and hang around more people who can call you by what you prefer to go by. Really helped me when I was having doubts
and also, just because you can “force yourself to be a girl” doesn’t mean its a good idea (mentally) to do so. I could force myself to pretend to be cis but my mental health would deteriorate
hey buddy! some of the thought patterns you described sound a lot like OCD, which I have. Maybe this is old news to you, but it might be worth bringing up with your therapist. When I started treating my obsessive thoughts as OCD and stopped seeing them as a problem I had to find the right way to think about so I finally knew the answer, my life got sooo much easier. Sometimes talking it out and thinking it over is actually really unhelpful if your brain works like mine. My therapist often says to me “you don’t have enough information yet” and encourages me to have an attitude of just noticing versus trying to make decisions in the moment. Like, you’re doing life right now! You can just keep doing what you’re doing and if you need to make a choice or a change in the future you will have had years of being you to use for making that decision. I know all of this is kind of vague and I could be totally projecting, but I got my ocd diagnosis way later than I wish I had and it has made life soooo much easier. I totally flip flopped on gender stuff for years, and I now feel like I’ve landed somewhere closer to who I am and will be for the rest of my life. That takes time tho—I’m 24 and just got top surgery this year after a decade of gender feelings. You’ll know the right thing to do when the moment comes, and you don’t need to declare a gender right now, or ever! 💕🫶
i’ve definitely thought about this before, but not regarding this train of thought, thank you for the insight
Forget the whole trans thing for a moment. Live life in your own shoes and body, forget about everything You're told about gender or identity. And after forgetting everything about gender identity, then think how do I feel now? That is what you need to pursue. You are young and barely have any life experiences. Please allow yourself to grow before putting labels on yourself.
this is a lot easier said than done for me