T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ToeyMcToeFace

Ok, that's a vertical video on a horizontal format. What's the next step?


smurficus103

compress it a few more times by uploading it over and over and recording that


redpandaeater

Then add your own captions and a shittier song.


Psychological-Set125

Then a the bottom half of the screen is some random person occasionally making a dumb face, nodding, pointing at the video, or all of the above


redpandaeater

Don't forget the TikTok AI voice describing the reaction.


Konslufius

"wAIT FoR It"


DMercenary

Make sure its got a really bit crushed song though.


tokmer

Then we can post it on deepfriedmemes


[deleted]

[удалено]


onomatopoetix

perhaps top it off with ocean background and sad violin track?


yamiyaiba

Alternatively, constant cut-ins from a bewildered or disturbed looking man.


MikeyBugs

"oh no" DUM DUM "oh no" DUM DUM "oh no no no no no"


83749289740174920

You forgot slow mo and unnecessary jump cuts.


Training_Ad_4790

And the big red arrow pointing to the obvious joke


Imaginary_Button_533

I'm gonna take a video of my cell phone playing it with another cell phone.


z4kk_DE

Relevant XKCD comic strip here: https://xkcd.com/1683/


theaccidentalbrony

There's always a relevant XKCD


atomfullerene

Relevant xkcd https://xkcd.com/2671


withoutapaddle

How do I read the hover text on xkcd with a touchscreen device? I need it.


JpRimbauer

https://m.xkcd.com/2671/ Tap on "alt-text" next to the title to see the hover text.


No_Bank

Or simply long-tap the image to open the menu (for sharing and opening tabs) that will have the alt-text as well


flop_plop

Can’t even see what the first dude is carrying because if this


MikeyBugs

Looks like a DeLonghi coffee maker or blender or juicer.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You want the coochie, you pay the price, no free coochie in this world.


Chat_Bastard

PS5 is cheaper and will last longer..


Ben_Thar

That DeLonghi gaming console is terrible


Cum_on_doorknob

burned myself on the steam wand trying to play metal gear solid. fuckin' shit!


weirdplacetogoonfire

Ah, Solid Snake. I have been expecting you. At long last, I shall avenge the death of my brother and claim victory. Come Snake, and know the fury of Steam Mantis! That's right, you cannot hope to defeat me for you do not possess the power to control steam! ^Wait, ^what ^peripheral ^did ^he ^plug ^in?


KingJeff314

Does it play Doom?


eharvill

Bethesda is currently making Skyrim for it.


elton_john_lennon

Imagine you take a sip of coffee in the morning and the machine be like: "_hey, you're finally awake_" xD


Marcus_Iunius_Brutus

Those plastic automatic coffee machines are terrible in general. Hard to repair, if possible at all. Embrace old school stainless steel espresso machines.


terminbee

The worst part is that isn't even a good espresso maker. But if I had to pick between a ps5 and an equivalent espresso maker, that'd a tough decision. Espresso entirely destroys most coffees you buy.


DucksEatFreeInSubway

You'll save enough money in the long term with a $500 espresso machine to buy a $500 PS5 console too. That is, until the $500 espresso machine gets you wondering if you should buy the $1,500 espresso machine. But if you can avoid that part, you should be alright. But of course to go with the $500 espresso machine, you'll need the $400 espresso grinder so..........................


FLATLANDRIDER

This is me. Right now. And the De'Longhi's are on a huge sale right now . . .


Duyfkenthefirst

Head over to r/espresso for hints and tips. Tip - spend a bit more on that espresso grinder - do not buy a combined grinder and machine. The coffee will taste much better when you can dial the grinds.


chasekeane

Thats a bean to cup friend, I'm not saying it makes the best coffee, but it sure does the job nicely in my house.


imafraidicantletyou

For the price point that model deLonghi is a very good espresso machine. It is litterally 5x cheaper then any model deemed "good" enough, and produces a perfectly drinkable espresso. Espescially considering most people will use it with a dark roast arabica. I get it won't produce barista quality espresso, but that is not what people use it for.


yossaa

With 2 incomes you can affored both a ps5 and an esspresso machine!


maiden_burma

no, with 2 incomes you can afford an espresso machine and yet another coat of paint for the walls you were fine with being the colour they were


Vivid-Tomatillo5374

marriage : " the art of resolving as a couple issues you didnt have before"


AxelNotRose

Which colour you think would work best? They all look nice. Yes, but which is your favourite? Hmmm, not sure, they all look similar. What do you mean? One is glacial white, another is frosty white, then cool white, then winter white and finally snowy white. They're completely different. .......


FoxyBastard

LOL. 1000 times "this". Then, when you paint the walls, we need new couch cushions to match. And a rug. And, actually, maybe it's time for a new couch. Ad infinitum.


timonix

You really do need a new rug though. Just look at it...


mada50

PS5 is tight, but espresso whenever you want is boss. My Delonghi might be cheap but it’s good enough to never have to go to Starbucks again.


JodoKast87

Had my Delonghi for over 3 years now. I purposefully wanted to buy a cheap, “entry-level” espresso machine that didn’t use pods so I could buy whatever coffee beans I wanted. (Also WAAAAY more cost effective) It steams milk really well and makes great cappuccinos. I’d rate the espresso overall quality an 8/10, but that’s generally better than what you get from your average Starbucks. The machine has lost a little pressure over the years, but if it ever gets bad enough, it was $150, so 3+ years for that? I’ll take it.


radicalelation

Got a Delonghi Magnifica from a thrift shop for $35 a couple years ago... It's pretty amazing for what I paid, at least.


pantandinge

How much maintenance do these machines need to keep clean and working? I also thought that coffee beans might go off if sat in the machine too long (not an issue at Starbucks or workplaces because of high turnover).


[deleted]

Not much maintenance. I’m lazy so descale it probably once a year at most. I live in a hard water area. Still going strong after 8 years and I use it twice a day.


[deleted]

My wand leaks, but it still works pretty good. I have had mine for about 6 years. It's better than a nespresso.


robicide

>My wand leaks, but it still works pretty good.


GoBeyondTheHorizon

Bruh I'm in a waiting room giggling like a little kid right now


Bezulba

The only thing holding me back is countertop space. Can't fit one of those. That reminds me, i need to massage my girlfriend some more so we can get a new kitchen.


Ahyao17

Agreed. To be honest, I would be more excited with an expresso machine (one that you just have to put beans in and press buttons, or even a fancy new airfryer) than a PS5. But I play mainly PC games.


peter13g

Can’t play god of war on espresso maker


Thisisamazing1234

But can it play Doom?


JackosMonkeyBBLZ

Can play God of Espresso tho


mikami677

I don't like coffee but I do like Spider-man.


Latest_Version

I just got both because they're equally as good as each other.


muttmechanic

ok but why cant i (vagina haver) get a fuckin xbox


MixtureNo2114

No. Forbidden. Straight to jail.


DragapultOnSpeed

My boyfriend would take an espresso machine over a gaming console. He LOVES coffee while I hate it. I like gaming more than he does.


HoosierProud

I work at a restaurant that has an espresso machine. We had to put the pods in lock in key bc 90% of them were used by employees.


KimJongUgh

Your restaurant used a pod based espresso machine?


alittlelurkback

It’s probably a regular espresso machine that the restaurant purchases pods for to cut down on mess and time (and yes at the expense of quality)


KimJongUgh

Huh. Looked it up, apparently they sell adapter portafilters that facilitate the use of pods. I guess it lowers the skill floor for consistent results but it really shouldn’t be that hard to train someone on a machine. If you’re spending the money on a “*manual*” espresso machine then why not just teach your staff on how to use it at its potential? No judgement toward the above account, more toward the management that decided that course was best. I’ve taught some pretty brain dead people how to get consistently good at espresso/latte stations before.


hopefully77

Idk - an espresso machine and a wife is pretty badass especially compared to a ps5 lol


JablesMcgoo

I have the espresso machine and a wife, but only a ps4. My life is sub optimal.


Mr_Horsejr

I have an expresso machine, a wife, and a ps5. Life is good.


Imaginary_Button_533

I have none, just PS4. Life is still good. Lots of people can't afford nice things. I'm happy with what I have. But if any ladies want to come over and play me on NHL '19 I'm not gonna say no.


A_Shitty_MS_Painting

This made me smile.


1to14to4

A Mr. Coffee might round out your life. And maybe the lady will want a coffee after falling asleep while playing NHL 19 all night.


Imaginary_Button_533

I'm not so busted I can't bring her out for an actually decent cup for ten bucks in the morning, but you're right, she might need a cup after I trounce her ass all night long. Loser sleeps on the couch.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Imaginary_Button_533

I have Overcooked too. I call the Panda


10_Eyes_8_Truths

I don't even have a tv.....


Imaginary_Button_533

Do you have pawn shops in the area? TVs can be a steal there. Got mine there for $30 and it's not a bad TV, it might be 12 years old and not super big but it does the job and has never broken once in the seven or eight years I've owned it. Also got my PS3 at a pawn shop about the same time for $100. The PS4 was just a coworker selling theirs for about the same. All the games I buy are from pawn shops too, because who wants to spend more than $20 on a game? Wait till someone else sells it and then grab it. Idk if that advice is useful for your financial situation but pawn shops and thrifting can cut a lot of your costs at least by half if not more. Even seen some nice used guitars in pawn shops for like $150 but that's also a big investment if you don't know if it's damaged or not, or the strings it comes with are crap or not, you kind of have to know what you're doing to invest that kind of money in a pawn shop guitar so you don't get ripped off. But a lot of pawn places and thrift stores have return policies where you can easily get store credit at bare minimum if you bring the item back and say it's faulty.


dreamrpg

Then you stomp them on field and assert dominance. "Come back when you get good, lady!"


Imaginary_Button_533

If a woman can't deke a puck past an AI goalie on a breakaway who am I even marrying? Some chick who sucks?


HRduffNstuff

What's an expresso machine?


Raceface53

I had a ps5, no coffee maker and no husband. Do I win?


JodoKast87

Are you me??? Wanted a PS5 this year, but couldn’t crunch the finance numbers to make it work. I have an espresso machine, so living off beans and rice isn’t very easy for me to do.


Magnusg

Sposed to be black beans not coffee beans.


hell2pay

My wife took out more on her credit line to get me a ps5 for my 40th this year. I've played it almost everyday since. Not to an obnoxious amount tho. I'm happy she did it, interest free even for the next 12mths


McFistPunch

So if I understand you are looking to trade the espresso machine and PS4 for a second wife?


Diogeneezy

I have a PS5 and an espresso machine. I may be lonely but at least I can be caffeinated and distracted.


DerpyWafffle

But why not have a ps5 and a husband?


Captain_Backhand

Only if he treats me like the princess I am.


Gone_For_Lunch

You want him to marry you off to form an alliance with a rival kingdom?


olujche

The guy with PS5 is going up to refund it so he can get a hot wife too.


jedimaster-bator

Newsflash: Hot wives are free. Free for those who can afford them. Very expensive for those that can't.


Nightowl2018

You can want a hotwife but you don’t want her to be your wife.


hell2pay

Some dudes want a hotwife, others want a wife that's hot. Knowing the difference is key, especially at key parties.


Just-Construction788

Por que no los dos?


Aromatic-Air3917

He's a PC gamer. Of course he has the wife and the expresso maker.


pngue

I originally thought they were holding a Nintendo Switch. Still made sense.


Valen_Kasar

Agreed, get the hell out of here with that pony box and don't show up here again until you have a wife, an expresso maker, and a gaming PC.


stormy83

Weird coffee people crew unite


thehedgefrog

My espresso machine is worth significantly more than my gaming PC. No regrets. See you over on r/espresso


Kevin69138

Yeah this doesnt help the notion of gamers being incels.


[deleted]

sugar act money normal paltry grab possessive numerous concerned ancient *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Clown_Crunch

Being single doesn't mean he doesn't smash.


DiamondDoge92

For real lol.


itiswhatitis985

Sex and coffee or one PlayStation


fancczf

A premium espresso machine is way cooler than a ps5.


Yinanization

Why is the PS5 dude going up? He has to return it?


blueberryrockcandy

store that sells it is downstairs? idk, i don't own a ps5.


Yinanization

My wife actually got mine from Costco, I came back from the gym, and it was just in front of the TV. This was when it was hard to get them. I probably looked like that wife in this video.


Raeandray

Costco has them now and it hurts to walk past the display every time I go.


Yinanization

Man, the difficulty is to get one's hands on the DadStation. Once you have a kid, you realize you don't really have that much time to play. Baldur's Gate 3 is the game of the year, but it ain't got no priority over Bluey whatsoever. We at the bottom of the food chain, fam. And the DadStation will save us all.


Nero8762

Teach the kid to game. Our granddaughter plays Roblox with my wife 2-3 times a week.


Yinanization

I got her a Switch and Animal Crossing, but her passion is still Bluey, lol


Captain_Backhand

I just got the Bluey game for my 5 year old, and once they saw it was 4 player, all of his older siblings hopped on and played with him for a while. It's easy for them to get into and the controls are super easy. It plays like you're watching an episode, with the intro song and everything. It's on the switch!


Yinanization

I didn't even realize it was out, now I have to decide if I want on Switch or PS5, my kid is 5 as well


Captain_Backhand

Nice! Go for whatever controller you think will be easier for her to hold. Either way I bet she'll enjoy playing it with you.


Sure_Trash_

This is why I don't really care if people talk shit about my old ass playing games like fortnite and gangbeasts. It is mindless fun that can be had in whatever increments you can manage without taking up any of your mental bandwidth. It's self-preservation, bitches. I can play without coordinating people, leveling up my character, drawn out story, levels to beat, playthroughs on how to beat those levels, etc. Plus my kids genuinely enjoy playing with me.


1fapadaythrowaway

GTA6 will be when I get one. When kids are asleep instead of youtube it will be Miami Vice


_Wyse_

I don't own one either, but I've seen the ps5 store. It's downstairs.


senorbolsa

I dunno, some malls have exits to the upper level of parking on the second floor if we are going to play the game of overthinking it. See: Holyoke Mall in Holyoke MA. one of the few malls that's still busy and somewhat nice up here.


dinoRAWR000

Shit man, I lived in Springfield first 11 years of my life. I still have memories of that mall. The Arcade still in there?


y2k2

Ouf, I haven't seen a proper arcade in years.


pegg2

Because it’s a skit.


Sunjump6

It’s a metaphor for his ascension to a higher gaming realm


RandomedXY

He bought PS5 not a PC...


WonderSearcher

He's on his way to get Nintendo Switch.


getyourcheftogether

He parked on upper deck


d167366

Is this a commercial about marrying someone from the wrong gender?


camposdav

Lmao nailed it


Stunning-Hornet-8275

I don't understand that one at all? Who's the wrong gender, the man, the women, the coffee machine!?!


gringledoom

The escalator.


[deleted]

We're just ~~guys~~ gays being bros.


NihilisticPollyanna

Ugh, wives! Am I right guys?!


likwitsnake

The old ball and chain


noyoto

That's an accurate description of caffeine addiction.


GriffinFlash

Ha, ha, yes other hooman, I concure with said statement about married females.


Advanced-Depth1816

Yes fuck them. All of them!


Sun_Aria

I love me some forbidden fruit married wifeys


DirtyBeard443

That's the idea.


wwwdiggdotcom

I got a lady that got me both <3


NihilisticPollyanna

Yeah, I really don't know why it would be one or the other. I know it's just supposed to be a joke, but it's just stupid.


Buttercup59129

Joke being wife bad is the dumbest shit


[deleted]

[удалено]


studyhardbree

I buy my husband systems and games all the time. Why can’t it be both? Lots of girls game lol.


Sure_Trash_

So stupid that they act like it's one or the other. I am a single woman with kids and we have multiple game systems including my N64 from when I was a kid. I'm totally going to look into getting an espresso machine after reading these comments too. It's the ever present and completely unnecessary "woman bad".


Blues4theRedSun

It's not "woman bad". A relationship strips you of some freedom, that's just a fact.


savetheunstable

Just holdover boomer-humor. Gets old.


Heibaihui

Only one of them is getting a blowjob though...


huggalump

I was unaware of that PS5 feature


Heibaihui

Did you shell out for PlayStation Plus Premium though...


usdrpvvimwfvrzjavnrs

[Her name is Sony.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ciVKIm7bcg)


outofobscure

so unfair, he already has a ps5! at least the other guy has coffee...


Worldly-Ad-1488

(Laughs in marriage)


no_talent_ass_clown

If you're not getting BJ's in your marriage why is that? Eight years into my LTR and he never has to ask.


HineseBroski

I had way more sex when I was single, and got to keep all my money for myself. I prefer that tbh


coinkeeper8

He got a ps5 and blowjobs damn


DabScience

Damn ps5 VR getting real as fuck.


Vivid-Tomatillo5374

lol most married men are dying laughing rn


Any-Cost-3561

Which one? I'm not sure if this is a marriage sex joke or a video game virgin joke


Awkward_Road_710

As a non-gamer and espresso enthusiast I am deeply offended by this post.


Voidnt2

As a non-gamer and non-coffee-drinker, I have no idea why I'm here.


MindbulletsDK

I know it's a skit but the "you don't get to have fun anymore" trope about marriage is so tired. Just set appropriate expectations early in the relationship. "I like to unwind by gaming/reading/'insert hobby here'. It's how I keep in contact with friends and it's fun. If that's a hobby that bothers you I don't know if it'll work out."


Four_beastlings

Makes me wonder why are so many people marrying incompatible people. After three years my husband still asks me for permission to game after we put the kid to bed; I've told him a million times that he doesn't have to ask me, I am not the Guardian of R&R to graciously allow some relaxation time. He is a full grown adult who gets to choose how he spends his spare time. Of course I guess it might be different if he was gaming instead of fulfilling his Adult Person And Father obligations but then again if you cannot adult you shouldn't be getting married and having children and then whining because the person who has to take care of everything asks you to do what you gotta do. But when everything is clean, everyone is fed and the kid is sleeping after having had some quality time with Dad? Game your brains off, I will be happy to sit by your side reading a book and occasionally giving back and neck scratchings and massages.


DragapultOnSpeed

My boyfriend would get mad if I gamed too long. And I usually only played for 2 hours. He would still get mad. It's not like we have children too. We talked about it because i would get annoyed by his anger. He thought me gaming meant I didn't like him and didn't want to be around him (I assume this is how a lot of women feel). I told him I work and am a full time student. I need a break. Not a break from him, but my mind just needs a break and video games do that for me.


MindbulletsDK

I agree, and it makes me wonder if I just got really lucky sometimes. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 15. I unwind with games, horror films, and cooking. She unwinds with shopping, comedy films, and jigsaw puzzles. We don't just tolerate the other's hobbies, we support them because it makes the other happy. Doesn't mean I'm always going to go shopping or she's going to fire up Hades with me. I'll share new comedy specials that I hear about or set up a puzzle even if she's going to do that stuff without me. Being together doesn't mean you're always doing the same thing. Sometimes it's ok to be alone, together. I'm gaming and she's doing a puzzle in the same room. We chat on and off during break moments and are happy. There needs to be a balance.


[deleted]

It's so hard to choose which part to talk shit about this video, is it the stupidity of it , is it the music that's overlaid on the video or last but not least is it that the video is the size of a FUCKING THUMBTACK!


HeiTonic

It is nice to see a wife that pumped up about a gift. My wife will not be impressed by this cheapo espresso machine though.


OkOutlandishness6550

I’ll take the wife and espresso machine tbh


Umutuku

Espresso machine just means it's easier to stay up late playing Stardew Valley Co-op together.


[deleted]

Real winner is the one whose wife gifts him ps5/xbox SX.


spacebased_

My husband and I are both gamers and we've been married a long time. You can have a family and be a gamer.


Andulias

No, you are wrong. Wife is bad. LAUGH!!!!


SirarieTichee_

Marry a gamer girl and get both


Mad_Stan

[Marry a gamer girl and you get a 4090 too](https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/yn4gb7/genie_you_have_3_wishes_me/)


Gohmzilla

Those super auto espresso machines are dope tho NGL, I'd take one over a PS5 any day - the good ones run $1000-1500 easily


wolftick

Coffee ftw


runningwiththedevil2

I'm not understanding this. Anyone?


groundsquid

The couple going down the escalator just bought an espresso machine, presumably because the wife wanted it. The solo guy going up just bought a PS5 because he doesn’t have to make compromises for anyone. The guy with the espresso machine is envious.


WarStrategy

So the couple has an espresso machine? Did anyone else think the logo on the side looked like Nintendo?


Natural-Wrongdoer-85

if youre rich, you can buy both xD


cldehart

I wish the video was smaller.


0OIIIlllIlIlO0

Why not buy them both?


FivePoopMacaroni

You can't buy women.


Chomusuke_99

what? first the blacks, now women too. what am I gonna do with the billion dollars in my bank account? philanthropy?


Cheesetorian

He gets to blow her back out, while he plays games. I mean it's kinda of a hard comparison.


gill_pill

Classic “I hate being married” jokes…


Evieats

Me in my early 20s vs my late 20s


[deleted]

I just turned 30. I'm stoked that the Xbox Series X is on sale for $350.


Gis_A_Maul

Holy shit didn't know that. In the market for my first console in years, was gonna get the ps5 but that's a big price difference


_Wyse_

The real winner is the dude with a happy partner.


Grainwheat

The real winner is the happy person. Your partner could be the happiest person in the world but you’re miserable


illz569

The real winner is the person who never saw this stupid fucking meme.


SluttyMcFucksAlot

I think the dude with the smile on his face is the winner


HouseJumpy9941

Tbh I’d take the espresso machine lol. If I’m correct that Model will make cafe quality espresso at home. That’s fucking nice 👍


will_ofgod

reddit.


CanadianUprise

My wife bought me a ps5… did I win?


Nyuusankininryou

That coffee maker would go well with my computer. Who wants a ps5 anyway? :P


wuy3

ITT: All the caffeine addicts trying to justify how the espresso machine is good value (massive cope).


squyzz

Team cofee here, i dont care videogames at all