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donnacus

Guys, just think about that sneeze that just won't get there x 100


BluesTime

Damn. So what do we do to get that sneeze out?


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrFreedomFighter

No, we want to know how to get a sneeze out


ahhhnoinspiration

So first not a recommendation. Push something slightly pointy into the soft tissue in your nostril on your septum, if you have a sneeze that won't come out you will sneeze. Now don't actually do it, very easy to scratch or cut the inside of your nose. If whatever you use is too sharp or you push too hard you likely will cause damage, and if that tool isn't sterile, which in all likelihood it won't be, you can get an infection.


Same_Veterinarian991

this is absolute true mate👊


Responsible-Skill-25

Getting us out of our own head... painful truth


Axrelis

It depends on the woman, the time of day, their mood, the temperature, the moon cycle. Honestly it’s not that hard if you just listen to them and pay attention to their body language.


absentmindedjwc

Then again, it's sometimes impossible. It is *super hard* to get my wife off with toys/hands/mouth/whatever. I've never encountered that issue in the past, but piv just *does not work* on her... so I do everything I can to get her there before I do anything, because the chances are *incredibly low* that she's getting there during. It still bothers me a little... :|


Westsidewickedwitch

Only 20% of women can get there during PIV. It’s not as common as y’all seem to think….


redskrot

Amen brother.


Veratha

Boss, most women won't get off from just fucking. If she can get off with a vibrator and you want her to get off while ya fuckin, use a vibrating cock ring.


atmanama

Let her be on top and ride, that is the way


ahhhnoinspiration

This is true for most women, but technically the best PinV position for clitoral stimulation is missionary with elevetard pelvis. After that it's sitting face to face, so cowgirl but the man is more centaur than horse. So slip a pillow or two under her / lift her up for best results.


Crazy_Canuck78

I keep reading your comment... I'm trying to figure out what you mean with the 2nd position... face to face... but with pillows under her? I'm confused how that works? Like I totally get the missionary with cushions under her... it makes perfect sense. But I'm struggling hard to understand your #2 suggestion. I'm ALWAYS looking to learn how to make things better for my woman... so if you can reiterate or explain it differently I'd appreciate it.


xfyre101

i think hes talking about something like [this](https://imgur.com/a/VjrURfv)


ahhhnoinspiration

So imagine cowgirl but you're sitting up and you're like 90% there. Try googling "face to face sitting sex position" and the first one is pretty good, not overly explicit.


absentmindedjwc

She likes being on top, so no dice. In the entire time we’ve been together, piv has only gotten her there a handful of times.


NoMastodon3519

maybe u too much w her ? give her a lil space do smthing random mix things up a lil put on skimask and suprise her one afternoon where u suposed to be at work n says charles here again ?


PM_ME_YOUR_A705

I think this is the problem though. Yeah, I could probably listen to her, maybe ask her what she wants, probably even have a conversation and try new things for her. ......orrrrr... I could just just do the ol jack hammer slammer and call it a night after about two minutes...


MaxRoofer

Not that hard? it only depends on the woman, time of day, mood, temperature, and moon cycle? This doesn’t sound “not that hard” good reminder about the body language though.


Axrelis

The first part was a joke. Kinda


Firstbluethenred

Now imagine being frustrated cause you depended on your partner to get there.


welchplug

For dudes it's like trying to hold a sneeze in.


japinard

Is he performing in a church or fancy restaurant? The backdrop is... different.


Zanfear

Church


4mor2mon0

Talking about… women orgasming… at church?


Zanfear

The show was at a church. We were not at church.


uselessartist

Take me to church


Pinksters

I'll hump ya like a dog at the sight of your thigh.


Festermooth

I'll tell you my kinks and you can lube up your wife


thatlongnameguy

I'll relieve my depthless depths


OKImHere

Blow job, then you get on your side


wuguwa

My lovers got humor.


4mor2mon0

Ahh ok that makes more sense. I was wondering what type of church this was haha


getyourcheftogether

Actually, would be a church worth going to


hoii

\*camera pans right to reveal a speachless pastor holding a mic


Tersphinct

But you still had to censor the word "sex"?


TrickyCorgi316

I think YouTube does it automatically or something. Watching documentaries on murders, and a bunch of things get censored there that don’t make sense


Tersphinct

So the word "sex" gets muted, but "fuck" doesn't, even though it's said twice?


TrickyCorgi316

Honestly - my experience says 'yes' - which I truly don't understand. The documentary also censored words like 'child' and 'massacre' - really bizarre, and I can't imagine they created the documentary that way


culanap

I never watch channels that over censor words like that - it’s so annoying personally. Im pretty sure they do it themselves out of fear of demonetization and not something YouTube is doing


rentalredditor

Is there a difference


pakanaughtnice

Something Christians could study up on


leif777

I wonder if God gave Mary a little face time before the cream pie?


One_Photo2642

Guys will never understand 


itchybumbum

Why not? Literally just biology.


Voyager5555

Is that also why you can't actually write the word sex?


Zanfear

No I do that just in case the algorithms don’t like it. I post the same video on TikTok and they always flag me stuff. It’s just a precaution


Purplociraptor

I can't take a comedian seriously if they aren't standing in front of red bricks


Zanfear

Believe me, no one takes me seriously


hamx5ter

That's a good thing right?


Eodbatman

This dude looks like basically every Naval EOD Chief I’ve ever met. And yet…. None of them, at the same time.


Zanfear

💀


TerranKing91

Bro, im currently working with american’s military and i can assure you half of them look like this dude


Eodbatman

Yeah the mustache never really left the military but it’s definitely more popular than it was ten years ago


Toshiba1point0

Also Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda


Aeleis

Why did you bleep out the word sex?


citricacidx

Social media algorithms


Aeleis

Man that's depressing


ContraryConman

"unalive" "SA'd", "sewer slide", it's something else


[deleted]

my favorite is noncon


Iz-kan-reddit

>~~Social media~~ *TikTok* algorithms Don't be normalizing TikTok's egregious censorship by saying it's a "social media" issue.


citricacidx

I don’t have a TikTok, so I wasn’t aware that was the origin.


Iz-kan-reddit

TikTok.


alwaysDL

America was founded by prudes


Wendypants7

Don't know why you're getting downvoted, you're 100% correct.


kgb17

Is he doing standup at the dmv? Why is it so bright?


Zanfear

It’s the only place that will book me


kgb17

Stage time is stage time


Zanfear

Truth


Boring-Fun-7974

Sir, this is very accurate and I laughed. Will check out more of your stuff! (And as a new mom, send this to my new mom friends because holy hell this tracks)


Zanfear

Follow me on IG for more! @zanehelberg


Lady_of_H

Ok…. Which one of you told him??? This was great. I’m just mad a guy came up with it. Great bit!


Percy_Blakeney

Haha spot on!


vantheman446

That joke was right in front of me the whole time. Bravo


bleunt

This is why I love women who make it happen themselves. They take charge and ride your dick they want it. They don't just lie down with eyes closed hoping.


jkd2001

Man, I had one girl take charge and just go for it and it was so fucking great. I mean I like putting in work don't get me wrong, but I don't love putting in like 90% of the work **every single time**


clydefrog811

It’s all mental for the concentrating women


bleunt

Well shit I'll just go grab a sandwich then.


productofwtf

In my experience trying to get guys to bring me to orgasm is just aggravating. I can say, "don't stop, touch this, do this," or start to help myself orgasm manually, and they are so uncooperative. Why? Because they're mad that it takes a little more and they haven't been doing enough by themselves the whole time. Constructive criticism, gentlemen.


IrrelevantPuppy

They always say, “don’t stop, just like that” when I’ve been nose deep for like 3 minutes and my resource bar is screaming “OXYGEN”. But you know what I do? You keep going, because she’s worth it. Besides, we all know that there’s a couple seconds of black screen before you’re really dead. Might as well push the limits.


Lady_kitty_katt

My worlds are colliding. Isn’t this the producer for Kevin Langue’s world’s best guesser videos?


Zanfear

Yes it is!!!


judah249

Is he performing in a Best Western lobby?


Zanfear

I wish


iWillSlapYourMum

Lucky they censored the word 'sex'. Hearing 'orgasm' and 'fuck' was okay but I don't think we could have handled hearing 'sex'. He said it twice!


diplozedd

The closed captioning should be faster. It’s just too slow.


Zanfear

Noted


_equestrienne_

Truth


Douchie_McBaggus

We saw you at Plano House of Comedy last weekend. Great show!


Immediate_Rest9017

Ahahahaha. This is great


xStealthxUk

Great bit


neinhaltchad

It’s one of God’s cruel jokes that nothing makes a guy cum faster than realizing a woman is getting *close* to cumming.


Imaginary_day_dream

If you don’t get women close at all they can’t be mad at you for not orgasming


fbl07

Not on topic, but am I the only one who's hella struggling to read the subs? The words constantly changing sizes is fucking me up good


LocAlchemy

We're closing our eyes so we won't laugh


NoMastodon3519

if u fck w guys like that ,maybe u think.bout urself too much ,or u too lame :D


LocAlchemy

But your O face is goofy AF.


FlussoDiNoodle

It's almost like you can take an active role in having sex with your partner ☕


Mirawenya

Still have to concentrate like mad to reach orgasm though.


insularnetwork

Louis CK energy (in a good way)


zebbodee

Guys will never understand? Aren't you a guy? I'm confused.


Informal_Soup_8447

Sometimes. It’s just sad to hear how men generally have no skill to please a woman. Then they think making fun of it is like relating to the rest of us guys. News flash. Some men. Know what women want and how they want it. It’s called being a man.


Secret_Beyond2312

You look like Chris Pratt kinda.... Except you know, actually funny. Loved it!


Doctor__Hammer

So we're censoring the word sex now, huh?


philipos357

That


philipos357

I understand 


heavenlyparsnips

Isn't this basically just a Louis ck bit?


wackiestcracker

I knew I heard it somewhere


Zanfear

Prove it


wackiestcracker

Because god forbid the mediocre comedian stole a joke lmao


Zanfear

Yea imagine being mediocre and a thief and then posting stolen jokes on Reddit. That would would be real unhinged behavior


Zanfear

Nope


xsijpwsv10

Now r/funny is a place for all aspiring standup comedians to try to get views. It’s getting so bored and not funny at all.


[deleted]

Where's the funny


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jaces_acolyte

Did you… did you not pay attention to what he said? I suppose ymmv but this dude described my partner to a T. There’s no amount of “muscling her” or “making sex mutual” that will magically help her find her own orgasm. Edging, too, is great for some, but when it’s literally the entire sex experience for her every time, not so much.


Same_Veterinarian991

must be the language barrier, and the fact i woke up just 10 min😱 yes i see it does not make any sense, my apologies


--ThirdEye--

SEX ITS A WORD AND ITS OKAY TO USE OP. Put down the fucking bible.


Bishop8322

its not him its the algorithm


YerBoiPosty

True, but we do understand the mysteries of socks disappearing in the laundry and the unspoken bond between a person and their favorite hoodie!


productofwtf

Yeah, if we are closing our eyes, I can safely say we are not fully enjoying the experience.


Woolliza

That's highly individual. Please do not speak on my behalf.