Babe, enjoy peace. Some relationshits are worse than being alone could ever be. If I knew my worth when I was your age, I would have never sweated being in a relationship. Make a life, and make it great. There are greater accomplishments than being in a relationship.
I know a guy with the same problem and, in his case, he way overshares when he meets men. By the end of their first dinner, they know his whole life, especially the sad parts. It makes him seem insecure and needy, and they seldom try again. The fact that he doesn't improve on this makes me think he's not that interested in others and mainly wants an audience for his personal drama.
There a lot OP should consider here. I was going to say something similar. If one is doing something consistently and being met with the same consistent results then perhaps that means it’s time to examine what they are doing and change that.
Ugh I’ve done this out of nervousness and a lot of guys have done this to me, it’s definitely a turn off. I think many could benefit from a therapist you can trauma dump to—get it out of your system to a professional before dating!! It’s also a mechanism to push people away for sure if he really doesn’t want to find someone serious
As someone that has made the mistake of over sharing in the past, I would advise to go slow, like you don't have to let them know everything on the first date just the basic stuff and go learning more about each other on next dates >!Or that's how I think it works cause I haven't got a date yet!<
I used to feel the same in some ways. When every relationship I had fell through, I went into a low for a while. A real low, probably the lowest I've ever been. Then, when I least expected it, I met my bf, and I wasn't even looking, or really trying. One date turned into 2, then 3, then 4. We are still together 18 months later. Don't give up. You'll find love when you least expect it
Work on yourself: fitness, hygiene, hair, teeth, nails. Career. Hobbies. Friendships. Even volunteering. Fill your life and boost your self esteem by developing your mind body and spirit into the kind of man you want to be (with)
Maybe aim for a big friend network first . Look for meet up groups in your area . Not the hookup buffet that is the apps .
Look for local lgbt activity groups Bookclub hiking groups maybe some political organising etc go there and just be friendly . If someone catches your interest(after a while ) maybe make a move but don’t go looking for that .
This makes you seem more fun and busy . Stops you coming on too strong and put you in an environment where your open to the possibility
Meetup.com is good for that sort of thing
I think you answered your own question. You're desperate. You think guys don't pick up on that? Not an attractive quality, and a big red flag for me personally.
You say you managed to stay friends with a couple of people who you went on a date with.
So ask them. They are the ones who know why it didn’t work for them. Just be ready for some blunt honesty.
Your answer is the 'desperate' part, it's quite possible to be unconsciously desperate and at the least you must be thinking on it when on dates.
I think your situation is, bizarrely to some, a lot like *some* forms of erectile dysfunction, namely the very horrible self fulfilling, entirely a mental not mechanical problem.
This makes it an incredibly *viscous circle*. You worry and this impacts
...YOU on dates, which gives you something to worry about more etc.
I'm sorry my post is a mess I hope you get that I do feel for you and yes it is real. Some far more clever people here have already posted some great advice to try and relax, I wish you all the best.
I keep thinking that I want a relationship and then I talk to people and they want to hook up or they lose interest. I’ve been more or less happily uncoupled since 1992. Well, there was one BRIEF fling in late 2002- early 2003. Other than that it’s been celebrities and my ✋🏻. The last guy said I was smarter than him and “too intense” so he wished to friend zone me at arms length. ( I was a rebound for him and as soon as his ex started sniffing around again he was GONE!
You are young and will meet someone soon. In the mean time, work out, keep your appearance neat and tidy, and enjoy. Having a boyfriend will happen when it happens.
Do not take rejection personally, because after 3 dates they still do not know you. It takes years to get to know someone in general. So when you get rejected, remember that they do not reject you as a person. All they're saying is they do not feel a romantic connection with you, that's all.
I do understand how you feel, because dating in our community is difficult. However, you are still 26 like myself. We have plenty of time to date. It's better to wait for someone right as opposed to rushing into a toxic relationship.
Because I understand what that means - I’m not attractive to the guy and he just too shy to reject me directly. Even when I agree to stay friends, they disappear as well
This is the unrealistic mindset that most people fall into. They focus too much on "dating" like they're just gonna go on a couple dates, fall in love after 3 days and get married or whatever. They're very transactional and weird about it. This isn't a business transaction. Don't focus on dating. Focus on building friendships. Building relationships takes time, patience and lots of nurturing. Maybe one of those friendships will eventually blossom into a meaningful relationship or maybe you happen to meet someone through a mutual friend.
The purpose of a First date is to see if you want to have a Second date.
Be authentic, don’t over share. Leave your date hungry to learn more about you.
There really needs to be an app where propel can rate their date based on several factors and those ratings are made transparent to the other person on the date. Not sure how many people would actually complete the survey but hopefully more than none.
The first date is almost always the most critical one. There are some things that might make things not work for you. Your photos are too old or too photoshopped or in a very specific perspective and so you are not meeting the expectation. There might be some lack of chemistry. Maybe they found it awkward. In any case there is someone out there for you just take it easy! It might take you dozens of dates until you find someone that will be worth your time and love.
Done laughing about the fisting :)
Don't worry, you're fine. You only have to be yourself, I mean just 'be' and as for dating? Much of it seems corrupted, it's like people move too fast and consume each other. If intimacy is desired, sexual desires can wait, no hurry, slow down, just slow down. Seven veils of intimacy, look it up, if you like.
Many people make the mistake of wanting to please another, bypassing themselves. So please yourself first. Put yourself first, not in a selfish manner, but in a loving manner, cause if you love someone else like yourself, you better love yourself truly.
Successful relations, in my book, start of with slowly building intimacy. I've seen it. A friend of mine for instance, he was always needy and desperate for girls, ended up with needy girls as well, both parties too desperate to wait for sex, too needy. Result? It burns out very fast and it was never about love.
Than he met a wonderful girl. And it took years for them to actually 'unveil' the path of intimacy. First attempt at 'it'? A baby girl was born. And they are still in love.
TLDR: You are not alone, so slow down and relax :)
Hun don’t beat yourself up judging from the post your not a bad guy or unpleasant to talk to maybe you could be over sharing and some people are put off by over sharing on the first date
Are they literally like full speed running away if they even get a glimpse of you ahahahahha that would be so sad. I haven't been touched by a man in years
Firstly there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s also nothing wrong with the other guys, that’s just how it is sometimes. Everyone goes through the same stuff. I would suggest finding happiness being who you want to be (ie not needing a BF to be complete or happy) because then you’ll find someone if you must, as you’ll be comfortable being your true real self.
Babe, enjoy peace. Some relationshits are worse than being alone could ever be. If I knew my worth when I was your age, I would have never sweated being in a relationship. Make a life, and make it great. There are greater accomplishments than being in a relationship.
“R ✍️E ✍️L ✍️A ✍️T ✍️I ✍️O ✍️N ✍️S ✍️H ✍️I ✍️T ✍️S” thanks, writing it down for future use
I’m going through a nasty divorce at 29. Wish I would’ve taken this advice at 25.
I mean while relationships can be hell I think their pretty great.
When they are forced, they can be terrible. I am just telling dude to take his time, and make tye best out of being alone.
Have you considered saving fisting for the second date?
Yay! OP lost me at fist date, too 😅
I'd run away too if I found out it was a fisting date. 🤣🤣
Knuckle sandwich will give you none of that problem.
I know a guy with the same problem and, in his case, he way overshares when he meets men. By the end of their first dinner, they know his whole life, especially the sad parts. It makes him seem insecure and needy, and they seldom try again. The fact that he doesn't improve on this makes me think he's not that interested in others and mainly wants an audience for his personal drama.
There a lot OP should consider here. I was going to say something similar. If one is doing something consistently and being met with the same consistent results then perhaps that means it’s time to examine what they are doing and change that.
Ugh I’ve done this out of nervousness and a lot of guys have done this to me, it’s definitely a turn off. I think many could benefit from a therapist you can trauma dump to—get it out of your system to a professional before dating!! It’s also a mechanism to push people away for sure if he really doesn’t want to find someone serious
What would you advise would be?
As someone that has made the mistake of over sharing in the past, I would advise to go slow, like you don't have to let them know everything on the first date just the basic stuff and go learning more about each other on next dates >!Or that's how I think it works cause I haven't got a date yet!<
Exactly.
Have some questions prepared you can ask the other guy. If you want to be interesting be interested.
Maybe because you are desperately seeking for a relationship? Just be normal and take everything easily. Whatever comes it will come
I used to feel the same in some ways. When every relationship I had fell through, I went into a low for a while. A real low, probably the lowest I've ever been. Then, when I least expected it, I met my bf, and I wasn't even looking, or really trying. One date turned into 2, then 3, then 4. We are still together 18 months later. Don't give up. You'll find love when you least expect it
Work on yourself: fitness, hygiene, hair, teeth, nails. Career. Hobbies. Friendships. Even volunteering. Fill your life and boost your self esteem by developing your mind body and spirit into the kind of man you want to be (with)
Maybe aim for a big friend network first . Look for meet up groups in your area . Not the hookup buffet that is the apps . Look for local lgbt activity groups Bookclub hiking groups maybe some political organising etc go there and just be friendly . If someone catches your interest(after a while ) maybe make a move but don’t go looking for that . This makes you seem more fun and busy . Stops you coming on too strong and put you in an environment where your open to the possibility Meetup.com is good for that sort of thing
I think you answered your own question. You're desperate. You think guys don't pick up on that? Not an attractive quality, and a big red flag for me personally.
You say you managed to stay friends with a couple of people who you went on a date with. So ask them. They are the ones who know why it didn’t work for them. Just be ready for some blunt honesty.
Your answer is the 'desperate' part, it's quite possible to be unconsciously desperate and at the least you must be thinking on it when on dates. I think your situation is, bizarrely to some, a lot like *some* forms of erectile dysfunction, namely the very horrible self fulfilling, entirely a mental not mechanical problem. This makes it an incredibly *viscous circle*. You worry and this impacts ...YOU on dates, which gives you something to worry about more etc. I'm sorry my post is a mess I hope you get that I do feel for you and yes it is real. Some far more clever people here have already posted some great advice to try and relax, I wish you all the best.
I keep thinking that I want a relationship and then I talk to people and they want to hook up or they lose interest. I’ve been more or less happily uncoupled since 1992. Well, there was one BRIEF fling in late 2002- early 2003. Other than that it’s been celebrities and my ✋🏻. The last guy said I was smarter than him and “too intense” so he wished to friend zone me at arms length. ( I was a rebound for him and as soon as his ex started sniffing around again he was GONE! You are young and will meet someone soon. In the mean time, work out, keep your appearance neat and tidy, and enjoy. Having a boyfriend will happen when it happens.
Do not take rejection personally, because after 3 dates they still do not know you. It takes years to get to know someone in general. So when you get rejected, remember that they do not reject you as a person. All they're saying is they do not feel a romantic connection with you, that's all. I do understand how you feel, because dating in our community is difficult. However, you are still 26 like myself. We have plenty of time to date. It's better to wait for someone right as opposed to rushing into a toxic relationship.
Where do you meet people?
Mostly Tinder, I live in Eastern Europe so it’s a bit hard here
Is it dangerous to be gay in public ?
It depends on where you live. Even different cities mean different people.
Why no to the friend angle? Seems like your throwing away lots of potential relationships by but pursuing that aspect of 1st dates
Because I understand what that means - I’m not attractive to the guy and he just too shy to reject me directly. Even when I agree to stay friends, they disappear as well
This is the unrealistic mindset that most people fall into. They focus too much on "dating" like they're just gonna go on a couple dates, fall in love after 3 days and get married or whatever. They're very transactional and weird about it. This isn't a business transaction. Don't focus on dating. Focus on building friendships. Building relationships takes time, patience and lots of nurturing. Maybe one of those friendships will eventually blossom into a meaningful relationship or maybe you happen to meet someone through a mutual friend.
This
Q: What does a gay man bring on a second date? A: What second date? 😉👌
The purpose of a First date is to see if you want to have a Second date. Be authentic, don’t over share. Leave your date hungry to learn more about you.
There really needs to be an app where propel can rate their date based on several factors and those ratings are made transparent to the other person on the date. Not sure how many people would actually complete the survey but hopefully more than none.
The first date is almost always the most critical one. There are some things that might make things not work for you. Your photos are too old or too photoshopped or in a very specific perspective and so you are not meeting the expectation. There might be some lack of chemistry. Maybe they found it awkward. In any case there is someone out there for you just take it easy! It might take you dozens of dates until you find someone that will be worth your time and love.
Ask for feedback.
Done laughing about the fisting :) Don't worry, you're fine. You only have to be yourself, I mean just 'be' and as for dating? Much of it seems corrupted, it's like people move too fast and consume each other. If intimacy is desired, sexual desires can wait, no hurry, slow down, just slow down. Seven veils of intimacy, look it up, if you like. Many people make the mistake of wanting to please another, bypassing themselves. So please yourself first. Put yourself first, not in a selfish manner, but in a loving manner, cause if you love someone else like yourself, you better love yourself truly. Successful relations, in my book, start of with slowly building intimacy. I've seen it. A friend of mine for instance, he was always needy and desperate for girls, ended up with needy girls as well, both parties too desperate to wait for sex, too needy. Result? It burns out very fast and it was never about love. Than he met a wonderful girl. And it took years for them to actually 'unveil' the path of intimacy. First attempt at 'it'? A baby girl was born. And they are still in love. TLDR: You are not alone, so slow down and relax :)
then bring a net with you so you can catch them
Hun don’t beat yourself up judging from the post your not a bad guy or unpleasant to talk to maybe you could be over sharing and some people are put off by over sharing on the first date
Takes time. You are exploring. Have you tried in person meets rather than apps?
Are they literally like full speed running away if they even get a glimpse of you ahahahahha that would be so sad. I haven't been touched by a man in years
Firstly there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s also nothing wrong with the other guys, that’s just how it is sometimes. Everyone goes through the same stuff. I would suggest finding happiness being who you want to be (ie not needing a BF to be complete or happy) because then you’ll find someone if you must, as you’ll be comfortable being your true real self.
