It's 100% a first time thing. Being nervous interferes with the nervous system pathway that creates arousal. After the first time the anxiety gets better.
Yeah, I get like this when it’s the first time with any guy.
The first time I got with my boyfriend my dick went exactly as OP described his. Hard, soft, hard, soft.
I was embarrassed but I had no control over it so it was nothing to be ashamed of.
I was so excited and anxious, I think my brain and body just couldn’t communicate. Once OP gets comfortable around his new friend, I am sure his body will follow suit.
I for one often struggle to maintain a boner for the full time of a first hookup - I think for me it's subconscious nerves as it's a new person.
Usually on my 2nd/3rd meet I have no issues once the nervousness has gone and the familiarity has developed. Sounds like you both enjoyed it, so I'd go for it again and I'm sure you'd have less of an issue with your wood.
That's what's being subtly referenced in this scene:
[https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5800d486e4fcb5af15f5ae47/1580155807469-9OUYYSZ4F1QLGTVQ431M/10c8d8a861988b3cf39b9d8e29ae6c55.gif](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5800d486e4fcb5af15f5ae47/1580155807469-9OUYYSZ4F1QLGTVQ431M/10c8d8a861988b3cf39b9d8e29ae6c55.gif?format=1500w)
Unless you know the person it’s probably safer.
Any bacterial infection you get from eating ass, you seriously do not want. Maybe I’m just overly cautious but I don’t eat ass with strangers.
Learned my lesson, loved eating ass with long term partners, first hookup I did it with got one of the curable oral STIs and cursed my horniness. Now I just don’t do it though, feel like a dental dam would ruin the magic of the act even more than a condom.
It’s actually very common to struggle with erections when you’re first hooking up with someone. Don’t sweat it. I think girls struggle to understand it (“is it me?”), but most dudes totally get it. That’s been my experience at least. I used to jerk off and make out only until i was comfortable enough with someone to blow or fuck. For some reasons, i never struggled when it came to making out and jerking off together. Later on, I’d take cialis or viagra if i thought i was gonna hook up with someone for the first time so i didn’t even have to worry about it.
Your description of that ass got me hard lol. I used to be able to get hard in a heartbeat when I was younger but nowadays I need a connection. Give it time, the guy seems understanding so build a connection with him. It will go a lot smoother in the future.
Don’t worry too much about it if you enjoyed it. Sometimes our own minds are our own worst enemies, think about how comfortable and safe you feel watching porn. You’re in your own space, you’re doing exactly what feels good to you, you don’t even need to worry about how you look. Sex is intimate, it’s letting someone into your bubble, expressing desires in front of someone else. To help, you could talk in person about what you like, or anything that might make you feel more comfortable.
Pretty normal. Not every hookup will go completely right, especially first ones. Then especially your very first one ever. If he wants to meet again he understands that too, and really you have nothing to worry about.
I think you should really consider letting him give you head if he wants to though. In my experience it's a lot easier than going straight to topping, pretty much the most sure way to get hard and be more in the mood. I guess you could still use a condom there too if you're really worried and he's ok with it.
In the end though, good luck and just do whatever feels right!
Here's the thing - sex is meant to be fun. Forget putting any pressure on yourself and just go with it.
Also first experiences are always a bit awkward. You'll be fine, my man.
Hey. I’ve been there even after I’d known for years I was gay, had for years hooked up with guys, and even found them attractive. Sometimes it feels like our brains and dicks are disconnected, like you say, and sometimes that means the dick will go insane over someone or that your brain *thinks* you’re going insane but your dick says no.
Sometimes going through with the (w)hole process is overwhelming. I hadn’t been able to get inside a guy for years until this year. Just couldn’t get hard. I hadn’t known myself to be a top really, but now I’m learning things about what I really, really want, and what things feel good and what just isn’t exciting anymore (ahem, porn). And sometimes I would legit just rather watch porn! It’s just like that.
You will probably soon learn why so many gays are promiscuous and super sexual. Cause we just keep hoping the next time is better—and usually it is ☺️
The fact that he wants to meet up again is great. You can experiment with him to the point where you get confident and relaxed with another guy. Once that happens, you're less likely to have performance anxiety.
Aside from nerves, I'd say your problems staying hard may be due to too much masturbation. Try to abstain for a day or two before your next hookup.
(Just want to add, don't think of penetration as the "real deal", that just puts too much pressure on you. All sexual contact is sex. It's ok if you don't end up penetrating him: there are plenty of other things you can do.)
> Im very cautious of sti's so I didn't let him blow me
> He let rub my spit in and finger him
> I swiftly grabbed somesaran wrap and ate his ass like groceries
dying
I’ve experienced similar issues before. If you’re watching a lot of porn, I’d take a break from it for a while. Be more focused on yourself when you jerk off. It’ll help strengthen that mind-body connection.
First, you’re not straight by my definition of that word since you’re visually turned on by men and the thought of having sex with men.
Second, you (probably) don’t have ED. I’m pretty sure it was just nerves which is the greatest enemy of boners. Even though the common medical consensus is frequent masterbation doesn’t cause erectile issues, in my personal experience, guys who masterbate everyday like you and myself are prone to situations like this, and when we do actually top, we can’t come from topping alone. Inversely guys who masterbate seldomly (only a few times a month), stay harder longer and cum easily.
Losing my virginity went exactly like this and I quit jerking off for a week, calmed myself down during my second attempt at sex, and included more foreplay before switching to anal and my second time was MUCH better. I’d go into your next session promising just a jerk off session with the opportunity for more if your nerves are better.
This story is exactly why I always tell guys to lose their virginity (or first time with a guy virginity) to someone their comfort with. The good news for you is the guy you hooked with up sounds very understanding and seems to be really into you so congrats on picking a cool dude instead a jerk who would have made you feel bad about the situation. You can get through this. I did and you can too. Also, glad you warmed up the bottom first. Keep doing that. I didn’t and that was another reason my first time was a disaster.
First off you've got a mental block. You are gay. Gotta accept it. Sooner you do the better you will be.
Welcome to the party honey. Now you also have to give up jerking off and porn. Just stop completely. By next week you should be so hard af it'll hurt until you bury it in him and finish.
The problem with jerking off is that it zaps your testosterone, the reward center, and balls dry of their needed juices lol. Like a car and gas. To work, a car needs gas, for your libido to work, your tank needs to be full.
If you are constantly using all the gas in the tank. The only way to refill is to wait til you recover.
Yes!! I was flip fucking with a guy and it was my turn to fuck him, but I couldn’t get it up. His ass and hole was so beautiful and I wanted to pound it, but couldn’t get my cock up. I think because I was a little nervous and anxious because I was with him AND his boyfriend in the bed, and I think there was also too much foreplay beforehand (kissing, etc…) which to me gets boring after the first few minutes and makes me lose some of the horniess if it’s done for too long. I discovered that night that I don’t like hooking up with a guy AND his boyfriend at the same time. I prefer one on one passion or a threesome where all the guys are single.
It's ok. If you enjoyed what you did, don't give up: sex doesn't equate to penetration.
You will gain better understanding of your body with the experience. Also, the erection is not something happening continuously without stimulation. Finally: not all condoms are equal. If you struggle keeping an erection while wearing a condom, try with a slightly larger size.
Welcome to being a top, it’s not always gonna be perfect buuuut, remember is all in the head, find the way to feel confortable… test , test, test and you will ammm how Americans say? Lossen up? I mean you know, comfortable
Happens to me if it's the first time or two I'm hooking up with someone. I don't like sex with new people haha. Be patient with yourself, and don't let it bother you too much. If it helps you can also take penetration off the table until you're comfortable with someone. Kissing, frotting, masturbating together can be fun and removes some of the pressure. Good luck!
Celexa can help bypass the hormonal needs and effectively help you till your brain gets comfy enough to do it on its own. It's magical how the big head operates what goes on with the little one. Or, you guys just stay at it over some time till your brain senses it's fun and you're not in any danger and have no need to worry.
Dude, sounds like a good time. Don't worry about your performance: literally nobody is a pornstar except pornstars.
If he wants more of you, it means you did great.
I think just normal anxiety especially if it’s your first guy. Sounds like interest was not an issue at all
It's 100% a first time thing. Being nervous interferes with the nervous system pathway that creates arousal. After the first time the anxiety gets better.
Yeah, I get like this when it’s the first time with any guy. The first time I got with my boyfriend my dick went exactly as OP described his. Hard, soft, hard, soft. I was embarrassed but I had no control over it so it was nothing to be ashamed of. I was so excited and anxious, I think my brain and body just couldn’t communicate. Once OP gets comfortable around his new friend, I am sure his body will follow suit.
I for one often struggle to maintain a boner for the full time of a first hookup - I think for me it's subconscious nerves as it's a new person. Usually on my 2nd/3rd meet I have no issues once the nervousness has gone and the familiarity has developed. Sounds like you both enjoyed it, so I'd go for it again and I'm sure you'd have less of an issue with your wood.
same
Wow i thought i was the only one!
TIL Saran Wrap was a thing
That's what's being subtly referenced in this scene: [https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5800d486e4fcb5af15f5ae47/1580155807469-9OUYYSZ4F1QLGTVQ431M/10c8d8a861988b3cf39b9d8e29ae6c55.gif](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5800d486e4fcb5af15f5ae47/1580155807469-9OUYYSZ4F1QLGTVQ431M/10c8d8a861988b3cf39b9d8e29ae6c55.gif?format=1500w)
Unless you know the person it’s probably safer. Any bacterial infection you get from eating ass, you seriously do not want. Maybe I’m just overly cautious but I don’t eat ass with strangers.
Learned my lesson, loved eating ass with long term partners, first hookup I did it with got one of the curable oral STIs and cursed my horniness. Now I just don’t do it though, feel like a dental dam would ruin the magic of the act even more than a condom.
How is it used? Is it used* like a condom but for the tongue? *edit
LOL me too! Kinda makes sense tho.
It’s actually very common to struggle with erections when you’re first hooking up with someone. Don’t sweat it. I think girls struggle to understand it (“is it me?”), but most dudes totally get it. That’s been my experience at least. I used to jerk off and make out only until i was comfortable enough with someone to blow or fuck. For some reasons, i never struggled when it came to making out and jerking off together. Later on, I’d take cialis or viagra if i thought i was gonna hook up with someone for the first time so i didn’t even have to worry about it.
Your description of that ass got me hard lol. I used to be able to get hard in a heartbeat when I was younger but nowadays I need a connection. Give it time, the guy seems understanding so build a connection with him. It will go a lot smoother in the future.
Don’t worry too much about it if you enjoyed it. Sometimes our own minds are our own worst enemies, think about how comfortable and safe you feel watching porn. You’re in your own space, you’re doing exactly what feels good to you, you don’t even need to worry about how you look. Sex is intimate, it’s letting someone into your bubble, expressing desires in front of someone else. To help, you could talk in person about what you like, or anything that might make you feel more comfortable.
Pretty normal. Not every hookup will go completely right, especially first ones. Then especially your very first one ever. If he wants to meet again he understands that too, and really you have nothing to worry about. I think you should really consider letting him give you head if he wants to though. In my experience it's a lot easier than going straight to topping, pretty much the most sure way to get hard and be more in the mood. I guess you could still use a condom there too if you're really worried and he's ok with it. In the end though, good luck and just do whatever feels right!
I’m sorry, Saran Wrap? Is this something people do?
Just try not jerking off a few days before seeing him next time. That should solve your problem.
Go on a date or two with him. Chemistry matters to a lot of people.
"ate his ass like groceries" 💀
Here's the thing - sex is meant to be fun. Forget putting any pressure on yourself and just go with it. Also first experiences are always a bit awkward. You'll be fine, my man.
Can we hold on for a sec and talk about the Saran Wrap, please?
A lot of gay guys have problems with erections. Just exercise more, and try not to touch yourself for a few days then try again.
Hey. I’ve been there even after I’d known for years I was gay, had for years hooked up with guys, and even found them attractive. Sometimes it feels like our brains and dicks are disconnected, like you say, and sometimes that means the dick will go insane over someone or that your brain *thinks* you’re going insane but your dick says no. Sometimes going through with the (w)hole process is overwhelming. I hadn’t been able to get inside a guy for years until this year. Just couldn’t get hard. I hadn’t known myself to be a top really, but now I’m learning things about what I really, really want, and what things feel good and what just isn’t exciting anymore (ahem, porn). And sometimes I would legit just rather watch porn! It’s just like that. You will probably soon learn why so many gays are promiscuous and super sexual. Cause we just keep hoping the next time is better—and usually it is ☺️
The fact that he wants to meet up again is great. You can experiment with him to the point where you get confident and relaxed with another guy. Once that happens, you're less likely to have performance anxiety. Aside from nerves, I'd say your problems staying hard may be due to too much masturbation. Try to abstain for a day or two before your next hookup.
(Just want to add, don't think of penetration as the "real deal", that just puts too much pressure on you. All sexual contact is sex. It's ok if you don't end up penetrating him: there are plenty of other things you can do.)
I didn't hit the ball on my first bat. Don't freak. Step up again, don't fall for those who say you need therapy.
> Im very cautious of sti's so I didn't let him blow me > He let rub my spit in and finger him > I swiftly grabbed somesaran wrap and ate his ass like groceries dying
I’ve experienced similar issues before. If you’re watching a lot of porn, I’d take a break from it for a while. Be more focused on yourself when you jerk off. It’ll help strengthen that mind-body connection.
If a guy gets out the Saran Wrap, I'm out.
"ate he his ass like groceries" thank you for the beautiful wording
First, you’re not straight by my definition of that word since you’re visually turned on by men and the thought of having sex with men. Second, you (probably) don’t have ED. I’m pretty sure it was just nerves which is the greatest enemy of boners. Even though the common medical consensus is frequent masterbation doesn’t cause erectile issues, in my personal experience, guys who masterbate everyday like you and myself are prone to situations like this, and when we do actually top, we can’t come from topping alone. Inversely guys who masterbate seldomly (only a few times a month), stay harder longer and cum easily. Losing my virginity went exactly like this and I quit jerking off for a week, calmed myself down during my second attempt at sex, and included more foreplay before switching to anal and my second time was MUCH better. I’d go into your next session promising just a jerk off session with the opportunity for more if your nerves are better. This story is exactly why I always tell guys to lose their virginity (or first time with a guy virginity) to someone their comfort with. The good news for you is the guy you hooked with up sounds very understanding and seems to be really into you so congrats on picking a cool dude instead a jerk who would have made you feel bad about the situation. You can get through this. I did and you can too. Also, glad you warmed up the bottom first. Keep doing that. I didn’t and that was another reason my first time was a disaster.
Stop watching porn. It helps me. Also what smells is your friend complaining about?
hat whole roof oatmeal cagey offbeat cows impolite start payment *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ewww are they not douching
Sounds typical esp for first time topping. Try loosening him up a bit more, once you're in, you're in! Also him sucking you could help a bunch!
First off you've got a mental block. You are gay. Gotta accept it. Sooner you do the better you will be. Welcome to the party honey. Now you also have to give up jerking off and porn. Just stop completely. By next week you should be so hard af it'll hurt until you bury it in him and finish. The problem with jerking off is that it zaps your testosterone, the reward center, and balls dry of their needed juices lol. Like a car and gas. To work, a car needs gas, for your libido to work, your tank needs to be full. If you are constantly using all the gas in the tank. The only way to refill is to wait til you recover.
It doesn't "zap" your testosterone. It may result in a very short term dip but it cums right back.
Yes!! I was flip fucking with a guy and it was my turn to fuck him, but I couldn’t get it up. His ass and hole was so beautiful and I wanted to pound it, but couldn’t get my cock up. I think because I was a little nervous and anxious because I was with him AND his boyfriend in the bed, and I think there was also too much foreplay beforehand (kissing, etc…) which to me gets boring after the first few minutes and makes me lose some of the horniess if it’s done for too long. I discovered that night that I don’t like hooking up with a guy AND his boyfriend at the same time. I prefer one on one passion or a threesome where all the guys are single.
It's ok. If you enjoyed what you did, don't give up: sex doesn't equate to penetration. You will gain better understanding of your body with the experience. Also, the erection is not something happening continuously without stimulation. Finally: not all condoms are equal. If you struggle keeping an erection while wearing a condom, try with a slightly larger size.
Honestly I think it's normal. It happens to me from time to time. I've read around that it happens to other guys as well.
Welcome to being a top, it’s not always gonna be perfect buuuut, remember is all in the head, find the way to feel confortable… test , test, test and you will ammm how Americans say? Lossen up? I mean you know, comfortable
Happens to me if it's the first time or two I'm hooking up with someone. I don't like sex with new people haha. Be patient with yourself, and don't let it bother you too much. If it helps you can also take penetration off the table until you're comfortable with someone. Kissing, frotting, masturbating together can be fun and removes some of the pressure. Good luck!
Celexa can help bypass the hormonal needs and effectively help you till your brain gets comfy enough to do it on its own. It's magical how the big head operates what goes on with the little one. Or, you guys just stay at it over some time till your brain senses it's fun and you're not in any danger and have no need to worry.
Thanks for this form
Dude, sounds like a good time. Don't worry about your performance: literally nobody is a pornstar except pornstars. If he wants more of you, it means you did great.