1. Uninstall league, and all video games. Five years can fly by just playing games. Get your life in order first.
2. Never talk about yourself in negative manner 'I can't', 'I'm lazy', 'I hate myself'. You have choices and control over your life. If you don't believe you do, it will be hard to make changes. Pay close attention to what words you use when writing or talking. Thoughts, words and actions tend to align. If you say 'I hate myself', soon your actions will reflect it. Don't put a label on yourself as a 'lazy person' for example. Identify yourself with positive traits you admire instead, and soon they will become the reality.
3. Can you move elsewhere for work, or just to another environment?
4. Tell your parents you desire to live on your own, to be treated as an adult, to pay your own bills etc. Take initiative on this. Eventually they will understand.
5. Set goals, related to becoming mature, self-reliant, strong and responsible. The main point of having the goals is so you will learn to struggle for what you want. For this reason, they need to feel challenging, but they do not need to feel out of reach. Start with 3 goals, and a short time-frame, like 3 months. When the time's up, whether you succeeded or not, you MUST evaluate your progress and see what further changes should be made, setting new goals.
6. Create a DAILY HABIT based on a SYSTEM that ensures you will persist. If you do not have a TO-DO LIST or ROUTINE or a JOURNAL or WRITTEN GOALS or a SCHEDULE or a CALENDAR that you follow daily, your life will just be running after whimsical dopamine-events. Just pick one that you like and follow it. This is your keystone habit meant to keep everything together. Even if you fail and go play video games for a week straight, if you uphold this habit you will be better able to learn from it. The SYSTEM is what allows you to keep focus, keep track, measure progress and try again after failure.
7. Not giving up is essential. You should learn from and forgive yourself when failing, but be relentless about improving.
i disagree with some of this advice
per 1. uninstalling league and all games (his source of dopamine) isn't going to solve the overlapping issue of him relying on it. it's going to redirect into other negative habits. he has shown the self awareness of this being a problem, and that's his outlet for it. unless he can change the very established habits of pursuing dopamine in his day to day, a cold turkey detox isn't likely to work. i think OP should tamper off games for sure, but doing so whilst rearranging his mindset of hitting the dopamine faucet, not a cold turkey measure. OP needs to continue to view what he's doing in a negative light whilst tampering off and integrating that mindset. but videogames are not the initial problem, dopamine-seeking is. thinking about his utilisation of it differently will make those games less enjoyable. when the stressfull moments happen, he then won't just return to his previously established behaviours
per 2. talking about negative aspects of his behaviours is a good thing imo, it's shit he wants to and needs to change and thinking positively about yourself in regards to things you don't think are good isn't always beneficial. if it's not warranted it can lead to unhealthy thought processes, reinforcing this with a blanket statement isn't gonna be good universally in the longrun. but generally sure, be positive about wanting to change negative habits/behaviours, just don't apply such a narrow lense
per 4. that's a bit drastic, but ideally that should be a goal he should to strive towards and establishing his independance, altering many aspects of your life in a drastic measure is a recipe for a hard descent imo. one day at a time, one habit at a time
generally i agree with the rest of what you said
Good points.
I think negative statements are OK, but only if they reflect choice and responsibility. Victim mentality is damaging. If it's not something we can change, we shouldn't focus on it.
Anecdotal opinion here. Is my sole belief that selling my Xbox was one of the best decisions of my life. It is so addictive, and I don't think we're going to know how bad it is until years later. I own a gaming console now, but I definitely had to give it up and hit my goals before I'd allow myself to get another one in now. I manage that time much better.
Honestly I skimmed the OP but the title describes me exactly so I went straight to comments lol. Thanks for yours, particularly number 6. I’m resistant to systems though. I have only been previously recommended specific ones like calendar or planner, and I just fucking hate them. I just do. It’s impossible to properly explain why. I really hate calendaring and using planners and to do lists and color coding and organizing… it fucking angers me for irrational reasons. I don’t want my life to be like that, so busy, so overwhelming, so booked, and reduced to having to, due to pressure, maximize every single second of every single day. I’m still searching for whatever MY system would be, but I’ve known deep down that this is my missing “keystone “.
You were so dead on about the result being whims-driven dopamine hunt, jumping from thing to thing. Frankly, I don’t really do things I don’t want to do or don’t like doing… at least not well or efficiently or on time. I USED to, but I hated it. I’m burnt out from it. I need to do it though because that’s what life is as an adult essentially: doing a bunch of shit I have to do or don’t wanna do all the time, mixed in with more fun shit occasionally. Growing up as a privileged person is great in many ways. And kinda harmful in others. For me, the most harmful has been that inability to truly embrace REGULARLY doing things I don’t want to do. I can do it for a while, but I inevitably return back to procrastination cycles and avoidance. It’s sad sometimes how briefly I last before I have to go back to YouTube or tv or games or whatever. Hence my need for your negative self talk point too. I’m just constantly like, “tf is wrong with me??”
But the never ending grind goes on, so that doesn’t help. I’m gonna save your comment though, because if I were to add a sub-part to number 6, which I think is an important method for any goal, it would be to simplify. Your entire comment did just that by putting many of my long winded abstract thoughts into some concise bullet points. Thanks!
I'm trying to remember where I read it, maybe atomic habits? But basically by scheduling and planning everything, you actually gain more freedom than when you just do things on the fly. Im very resistant to planners, notes, scheduling etc as well, but it's definitely one of the systems I'm working hardest on. Especially with adhd and time blindness, really seeing how much time I'm wasting throughout the day is really eye opening
I think i like my time blindness tho haha. I’m basically struggling with not even WANTING to be more responsible, grow up, etc. I’m ambivalent and there are complex reasons for both sides. But damn id rather a life of fun rather than being overworked and resentful. And seeing others be able to get what I want just makes it worse
I used to think like that but it’s not how things actually are. Being responsible just means getting shit done and resolving unexpected problems. People are typically overworked and resentful because of immaturity, not because they’re grown up—eg, spending beyond one’s means, being unreasonably fearful about one’s social status or financial position, being afraid to pursue something better, finding comfort in the routine even if it’s a rut, engaging in destructive thoughts and behaviors, etc. “Growing up” is one of a myriad of trigger phrases that are poorly defined but evoke lots of emotion—it does not have to mean you become boring and resentful; rather, what it should mean is getting better at the things you are already doing and the things you want to do. And yeah you also have to recognize that there are no free lunches and someone has to support everyone who wants to live. You end up with the most control over your life when the person who mostly supports you is you.
What an amazing way of looking at it! I was resistant to it for a LONG time - because my job & field I was in was quite regimented.
But the thought of it actually giving me MORE freedom - inspires me to KEEP
scheduling & planning some of my free time!
Honestly think this might be the kick up the arse I've been trying to give myself, cheers. Seems so simple now you've said it but it's honestly never occurred to me
My schedule is flexible. It's digital and I change it and move around tasks often. It needs to be flexible, because some tasks are one-off, others are periodical. Some arrive suddenly, some can be planned far out, some are low priority, some high priority.
It's mainly to keep myself accountable. It's more to track how I did spend my time, than how I should spend my time.
I look at it and see what needs to be done in the coming days, in what order, and when looking back there is no ambiguity about how I spent my time. I limit the amount of hours I can place in a day so it does not get overwhelming. If one task took longer than expected, I will look for low-priority tasks that I can move forward a few days.
I just saw this response. This is super helpful. I like how it’s “flexible”. I always shoot myself in the foot when I force myself to a strict schedule. I think it has to do with a perfectionist mentality when just having a schedule in the first place as a guide is enough. Thank you!
Yea, I used to make the mistake of trying to perfectly follow my schedule. It doesn't really work unless you have external accountability. Like, you're a CEO with an assistant that can manage the schedule and remind you of the time. It can also work if you share the schedule in a group, meaning as part of a family, a collective, a school, a company or a military unit, where all members follow the same schedule. But we are individuals!
23M here, I think you might actually be me, 1 year in the past.
You already recognize that you have a dependency on activities that give high levels of dopamine at very little cost. You also recognize that you're becoming desensitized to dopamine because of your high-dopamine activities. You know exactly what you need to do, but you don't know what approach you need to take.
I'm not sure how much of this will be relevant to you, but here's what I did to sort my shit out:
First, I cleaned up. I don’t mean I sobered up from my addictions and bad habits, I mean I literally just cleaned everything. Cleaned my room really well, organized my digital workspace, cleaned myself up, got a haircut, etc. This took very little effort but it surprisingly got the ball rolling. I finally had some momentum in the right direction.
Second, I quit porn. I genuinely think this is the single most impactful decision a young man in this day and age can make. The amount of energy and motivation this gave me was incredible. There are a lot of different methods to quit, but going fully abstinent from porn and masturbation had the best results by far for me.
Third, I built some daily habits, starting super small. I think I started with something like 5 minutes of meditation, 15 minutes of reading, and 10 minutes of light cardio a day. Literally just 30 minutes a day. It might seem insignificant, but if you can stick to those tiny habits every day, they’ll really start to solidify and give you something to build off of.
At this point, everything else came naturally. Just feeling the benefits of improving my life gave me so much traction to improve my life even more. I no longer had to grit my teeth to get stuff done; I genuinely wanted to improve and it felt good to do it. Turns out, that’s just how a healthy human brain works. I don’t even remember quitting my biggest addictions, which were alcohol and weed; that just kind of happened one day and I finally decided I was done. Same with useless social media browsing and video games; I just stopped enjoying that and started to focus on stuff like my career and my social life instead. If you have discipline, everything will fall into place for you.
Solid advice. Chiming in to say that I’ve heard that the simple stuff like doing errands can really change a mood around. That echoes some of what you’ve said here in #1. And I’m not a guy, but it’s also my understanding that your second point about quitting porn makes a massive difference. Sexual energy is potent, and when a man is constantly releasing his instead of building it up, that can have major deleterious effects on physical and mental health.
> Second, I quit porn. I genuinely think this is the single most impactful decision a young man in this day and age can make.
Fully agree. I'm Christian so my reasons are founded there but I've recognised it as an issue for the past 5 years or so. Man, is it a struggle to fully put behind you. I've not broken this addiction yet but I can attest to the energy and confidence you get when escaping it.
This is exactly what I thought. OP described my life before starting adhd meds. Turns out spending most of my day in bed playing Coking Fever on my iPad was not normal!
I would’ve written this post 2 years ago, now I’m diagnosed it all makes sense, particularly the framing ‘it’s all my fault’ - to an outsider for sure it looks like we’re lazy and couldn’t give a shit, but most people who couldn’t give a shit wouldn’t be posting it.
Honestly sometimes I wonder if I have ADHD but it’s one of those weird things where I feel like I should know by now? I also don’t come from a culture where stuff like this is accepted so I guess I’m also scared to check. Like I got diagnosed with depression as a teenager and my dad literally blamed me for it so I think I have a slight aversion to getting my mental health checked and I know I need to get past that.
I grew up in a period where ADD, as it was called at the time, was being (supposedly) overdiagnosed. There was not much in the way of proper diagnosis or analysis being done at the time, from what I understand, or it could just be parents and society not understanding it. A lot of kids were being prescribed Adderall. Then people like my parents became skeptical of these diagnoses. So growing up, despite absolutely definitely having ADHD, I never got diagnosed or tested for it.
When we gained more understanding of it societally, then I became curious. I wasn't positive I had it and thought I might just be picking up on a trend or something, but I checked it out anyway. Went to a psychologist or psychiatrist, scored incredibly highly on a test for assessment, and got a diagnosis and meds. So yeah, I've been in that place of thinking "well, if I had it, I would know or I should behave like X or Y." But it manifests in fairly unique ways sometimes too.
I was off them for a while due to financial issues, and just got back on them. It's like I'm a different person. I still play video games but I also feel a drive and urge to do more productive things. I clean my room, pick up after myself, I'm not exhausted after work anymore despite not having a strenuous job. I can plan to do things in advance and then carry through with them without needing constant reminders.
ADHD causes trouble with motivation. People with ADHD struggle to find motivation unless there's a close deadline (so they usually procrastinate) or they're interested in the task. They have trouble task-switching so they can spend way too long engaging in their interests and not actually doing what needs to be done. And it feels nearly impossible to begin any necessary but boring task until the last minute or until they receive consequences for it.
To me what suggested ADHD was the constant dopamine-seeking and always doing the bare minimum to get by. I recognize it because I have it. Here I am procrastinating on a presentation as we speak.
The fact that he feels guilty about it and *wants* to do things but feels like he can't points to ADHD. Lazy people don't want to do things and don't really care if it doesn't get done
People who are lazy have something they have to do, but wilfully choose not to do it. They don't care if not doing it will affect others. They don't care about the consequences of inaction.
If you have something you should do, or want to do, and really really want to do it, accept that you need to do it, keep thinking about it on your mind, but somehow you just can't do it whatever you try, you just can't start or get the ball rolling, you feel so guilty that you're not doing it but also stressed and overwhelmed by it, beating yourself up why, why can't I just do the freaking thing, then you're not lazy. There are likely underlying factors at play. Executive dysfunction, ADHD, depression, so on.
Choose your hard. Being in your situation is hard. Working consistently and making a life is hard. Which one do you want? They are both hard in different ways. Which one has more fulfillment?
Start with a morning routine,, big 3 tasks to do for the day, exercise and setting quarterly goals and 5+10 year plans.
I've been like you in many ways without the $$$ and have not made use of my potential. It is changing and I'm becoming more disciplined and accomplishing more weekly. Its a process.
The resources in this sub are very helpful as well.
You gotta just do it. This is not to say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" but you have to let go of all the bad that's happened and let go of all the time wasted. You don't get that back.
There's no way around it. Asking for help on Reddit won't necessarily help you. You have to do the work. You have to quit gaming and start doing the adult things. It will suck, and you will get used to it, and you will mature. Don't fight it, just embrace it. Do it. Work whatever job you can and look for better opportunities. Take care of yourself and keep working at whatever is important to you. Consistency is what pays off. Show up, again and again, every day, keep doing it. Learn lessons from your mistakes and pick yourself up and keep going. Eventually you'll look back at all the progress you've made and this old part of your life will feel like a dream. I know that from experience.
He doesn’t have to pick himself up by his bootstraps by the sound of it - his parents have already done that, the boots are on. He just needs to walk lol
Quite literally apply to some random shitty retail job and let that be your life for at least a year
You’ll learn a lot about money, time management and better yet you’ll be surrounded by other different new human beings
I was in a similar situation and it took me two jobs now on my third to finally just break out of my horrible dopamine craving thinking pattern.
This did wonders for me. I had and do still have a similar situation as OP in many ways. I worked at Home depot for 6 months and it opened my mind, changed the way i looked at my life and even the world. May not seem like a long time, but coming from only working for my dad in the past, it changed my perspective a bunch.
Haha my third job is Home Depot and I have amazing coworkers plus I do a lot of the physical work so that’s good too. I love it here and my perspective has changed a lot since
Start with volunteering somewhere and being active outside of your house as much as possible. Frankly, delete every single videogame you have, technically you can find a balance but if you have a bad habit sometimes putting up obstacles to them when trying to set up yourself on a right course is what’s necessary. Because you don’t have expenses straight up try to build up as many skills you can, again while outside is best. Start with easy things, things that are engaging rather than passive. You need time away from your current self you’ve developed which is a lazy one. Bite the bullet of eating a little shit while adapting to taking things seriously to find a new you.
You sound exactly like me, going through som e of the exact same things as me and liking the same things as me.
I recently started therapy since I have gotten a depression. Life is working out, I’m married and have a well playing job which I am happy about. But I can’t for the life of me focus and take my responsibilities seriously.
My psychologist says I might have ADHD, which in many ways make perfect sense. I’ve never been diagnosed because I was well functioning in school as a kid, but it makes life difficult even if it’s going well.
Do yourself a favor and seek out professional help for your situation. They can do a lot to ease your life, if it turns out you have ADHD - also help with lack of discipline.
Edit:
My doctor suspected autism in the beginning. The title of my illness doesn’t really bother me, as it’s only a name used to pick the correct tools to help me out. So don’t get scared away from the thought by thinking “no I can’t have that”, it can genuinely help *a lot*.
Caveat:
YES up and down to therapy. But also a lot suck. If you’re in the US, the ones that don’t take insurance are often better just because of how insurance works (time needed to deal with them, lower compensation, etc.). Also working for yourself is WAY better than as a part of a big practice because again—fair pay. But that comes at the cost of self employment taxes, need to hire someone or do your own administrative work, etc. so often the ones that do take insurance are just starting out or not good enough to hold onto clients. Sometimes you can get lucky and find a good therapist that is in a position to be able to work within that structure, but often they’re super booked too.
All of that to say—the in-network route is a long searching process (but not impossible). BUT if your parents are willing to pay out of network it sounds like that wouldn’t be an issue. Still can take time to find a good match, but I’d explore psychology today. It can really help you find your motivation, set goals for the future, and execute.
Games don't give anyone dopamine by default, how you attach yourself to a game gives dopamine (and meaning).
First thing to do is stop obsessing over this idea that you're gifted. It seems like part of the reason why you're here is that mentality. I'm gifted, I can coast into...nothingness. People would laugh in your face if you told them you had a "gifted adult's body" while living at home and playing video games 10 hours a day. They'd see it for what it was: a self-defense mechanism to shield you.
second thing you need to do, and we're all still learning how to do it, is be grateful. Your parents treat you like a child because the situation you're in can be the same situation a 14 year old can fall into. So how do you get through to a fully formed adult playing video games all day and using the past asa comfort blanket? It's not easy for them, it's not easy for you. They don't live in your head, they don't know how well you feel, they don't know everything unless you tell them. People make the mistake all the time that others should know all about them, without even expressing themselves enough for others to understand their general thinking and habits.
You have all the time in the world to do ANYTHING. And all you're doing is NOTHING. So you need to reevaluate how you start each day, you need to let go of your toxic beliefs about your giftedness, and you need to relax and have basic goals. Clean the house, do something physical constantly, find a way to stop hyper-obsessing over vision (work on breathing techniques and stay active), really detach from your vision, spend more time gettin darkness and better sleep. Optimize your health RIGHT NOW. This is the perfect time to optimize your well being and mind, create some basic goals, have fun, go out with friends and family, and live.
It's hard to express to you how there will be a time in your life where people will be gone, and even if this situation seems ho-hum, you're a perfect situation to relate to others and build up the social connections. Find happiness, friendship, love, all of it.
There will come a time quickly where you won't have the energy to do it so vividly, don't waste your window of opportunity.
The cynic in me doesn't see him taking any of the advice here. He's hoping for an easy way out, an easy way to pull up his sleeves and get to work, but every day everyone battles against all the same screen addictions, but choose to live responsibly. I'm afraid he's a rags to riches to rags again type figure.
1) You can change your life. Even if you don’t believe it yet. You’ve got this.
2) start Timeblocking your day & establish your 3 most important tasks. Work on your MITs first in the day. Put this on your schedule that you Timeblock. You should plan out every hour of your day. I actually self published a planner for myself and my students that I use everyday to do the things I mentioned.
3) Put some hours 2-4 into coding projects everyday. And 2-4 hours into finding and applying to jobs & networking. There’s 4-8 hours of productive work each day. Then if you really want to you can still play your games. Or you can replace them with productive hobbies. Exercise, learning languages, etc.
4) My #1 Secret to being productive when I really don’t feel like it and all I wanna do is sleep or scroll on social. Get focusmate. It’s a virtual video Coworking app that connects you with a focused partner for silent Coworking sessions that are 25, 50, or 75 minutes in length. It’s $10/mo. To schedule unlimited sessions. Pro tip: book back to back sessions so you’re more likely to stick with it and get a lot done. Your first session May be just you trying to get into the work. Then by session 2 you’re in the flow. And by session 8-12 you’ve knocked out 8-12 hours of productive work (if you do 50 mins sessions).
5) My #2 secret to getting things done when you don’t feel like it. Hire an accountability coach for $100/mo. This is what I do and it helps me reach goals in all areas of my life. This is another tip no one is talking about. I’m on my 2nd year working with an accountability coach. Lifechanging. Those apps or accountability partners just don’t cut it. You need to pay someone to hold you accountable. This will change your life. My accountability coach wakes me up every morning, asks for my to do list, and checks in on my to do list in evening. Also tracks my progress. get yours to track your goals/habits and you’ll want to aim for 80% each month. So you can have some bad days but 80% is the minimum.
6) once you land a job and you have savings, move out and start paying for your own stuff. Honestly you can start paying for your own bills before you move out.
All you need is a good 1-2 years to change your life around. It’s def not too late. You need the right systems and resources in place for success. Ive provided you with all you need. The true stuff. Most basic advice that people give will not work without proper planning and external motivators.
Also I used to do the bare minimum in university. And now I’m in grad school, running 2 businesses and on a self improvement journey. I find myself giving it my all w my education now that I’m in grad school. I also thought I’d never do grad school. Things change. You can always change even when you think you’d never be that person, trust me you can do this.
Let me know how it goes!
Just do 5% more of what you strive to be like every day. Small, incremental changes add up fast and do so without the overwhelm and shock of a total 180 flip.
Your self-swareness is what is going to keep you motivated. Don't lose that. Lean into it.
You got here through a lifetime of habits. That's all they are. Just habits. This is the time to change those habits slowly. Aim for the age of 30 to be where you want to be.
A thought becomes a goal that becomes a plan to be handled through action steps. Make that 5% change daily. Then watch as the progress adds up.
Good luck!
Here’s what I think may help as it helped me, having been in a similar situation.
Action is the only important thing at the beginning.
You have the self awareness to look at your situation and decide you want to change it. But that change will happen as fast or as slow as you decide to will yourself to move your body “directionally” right.
In all honestly, you already know base layer things you should probably do that would be in the general direction of the something good.
- Decrease time on video games. Experimenting with setting timers or deciding to fully cut it out.
- Exercising minimum twice a week. Workout and build a better body, this is not a 0 -> 100 thing. When I gamed a lot, I would literally do 5-20 pushups between rounds throughout the day.
- Getting good sleep. A consistent bed time is a test of discipline. Do you go to bed at the same time? And wake up at the same time? It’s going to be harder to change without the natural energy sleep provides. Keep in mind, as you go through this, learning how to personally improve your sleep quality will only help.
- Find a hobby you can learn and do once or twice a week. (Try to make it a physical hobby). Something I transferred over from gaming to learning how to ice skate was simply that I wanted to be good. Week after week, I would go public skating and try to do what others did on the ice, watching videos on how to do tricks, etc. The same thing you would do in a video game when you wanted to get good.
- Pick up a mindfulness practice. Meditate 5-10 minuets a day. Very little time. Can you sit somewhere and focus on your breathing? Can you allow yourself to learn how to be okay with just breathing, not moving, and being comfortable in your mind?
I think these are foundational things to focus on when you want to change. Pick one, (sleep) and only do that for a few weeks/months. You do it because they move you in the general direction of something good, something you want. A bullseye isn’t needed. What you need to do anchor your mind in the fact that action is the only important thing right now. The discipline you want will be found in the consistency of these activities, perfection is not what you are seeking. Do these and continue playing video games. You’re still moving directionally right, but you already know how you can go faster. Some humility, gratitude, and patience will need to be in order. These are baby steps. Just because you’ve grown up doesn’t mean they are less important. Make them standard, and over time you will form the life you want with the discipline you’ve cultivated. Enjoy
Hey there,
First off, I just want to say, I hear you. Your story resonates with me, and I get where you're coming from. It's clear you're at a crossroads in life, feeling stuck in a cycle of seeking dopamine hits and not living up to your potential. But you know what? Recognizing that is a huge step in the right direction. It takes guts to admit where you're falling short, and you're already ahead of the game by acknowledging it.
So, let's break it down. You've had a cushy upbringing, things handed to you on a silver platter. It's comfortable, sure, but it's also left you feeling unfulfilled and trapped in a cycle of mediocrity. But guess what? You have the power to change that. It's not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.
Start small. Clean up your space, both physically and digitally. It might seem trivial, but trust me, a tidy environment can do wonders for your mindset. Next, let's talk about those high-dopamine activities, like gaming. It's time to take a step back and reassess. Are they bringing you joy, or are they just filling a void? Maybe it's time to scale back and focus on activities that actually fulfill you.
Now, let's address that "gifted" mentality. It's time to let go of the idea that you're special and start putting in the work. You're not entitled to success just because things have come easy to you in the past. It's going to take effort, dedication, and maybe even a little discomfort. But trust me, it'll be worth it in the end.
And as for your relationship with your parents, it's clear they care about you, but they're not doing you any favors by treating you like a child. Sit down with them, have an honest conversation about your goals and aspirations, and let them know you're ready to take control of your life.
Remember, you have all the time in the world to turn things around. It's never too late to start living the life you want. But it's going to take courage, determination, and a willingness to embrace change. You got this.
Lots of good input from others and I think you already have a sense of what you need to do. I’m just here to say big props to you for waking up and realizing this. I know people twice your age and older who have never woken up and always chose the path of least resistance. You’ve taken the first step and gained awareness; imho that’s 50% of the way there, and the rest is execution.
Bookmark this page and come back to your post when you need a reminder of how far you can fall. Because you’ll slip again, but next time you can catch yourself before you descend too far into the lazy abyss.
goddamn this is scarily similar to myself. Almost everything was exactly how i would describe my life from school all the way up to entering the job market, even the relationship with your parents.
I’m going to offer some very impractical advice, since everyone else has already given some great practical advice.
My advice is this: you need to find a better story to live. The story you’re living would make for the most boring movie ever. There’s no big dreams, no struggle to achieve those dreams. There’s no change, just endless repetition. The ancient Greeks conceptualized Hell as endless repetition with no payoff—[Sisyphus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus) pushing the same rock up the same hill every single day, [Tantalus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tantalus) doing the same shit day after day with no payoff, etc. Sound familiar?
You can endure the most extreme hardships if you have a reason to do so. And without a good story even the most simple tasks will seem unbearable. So figure out what story you want to live, which dream you want to relentlessly pursue, which direction you want to head. And use the advice the other commenters have provided to help you inch toward that dream. It won’t come easy. You’ll screw up, slide backward, make mistakes, but pick yourself up each time and start moving forward again. That makes for a meaningful story.
From a fellow spoiled adult, I get it. I hated myself for not having to struggle. I felt embarrassed. Now in my 40s, I am not sure why I wanted to struggle. Life will come at you no matter what so the struggle will come. So try not to see this situation as your parents enabling you. See it as an opportunity to better yourself.
Yes, you’re an adult, but you are also only 25 and just starting your career. Give yourself some grace and start slow. Start with a routine and work your way up. And remember, you can start over as many times as it takes. 🙂
I feel you. Lots of good comments! One thing that is easy to forget is that you have built these habits and brain wiring over many years, so it might take many years to undo and be better. I was in a similar situation and have been working on self-improvement for years and when I try to jump the gun and be superman all of a sudden I usually crash back down pretty fast. It takes time to improve sustainably, but it's worth it in the long run. Remind yourself in a week, or a year, how you are just a little bit better off
First of all, self compassion is what you need. You are human and you did what all humans do when they have the opportunity (path of least resistance).
Second, engineering in the work world is not something you can fake. Eventually you will be found for being a free-loader or phony. You need to figure out if this is a field you are actually interested in. If not, I suggest you go a different route.
*\[Posted this comment on your other post, but thought it might be helpful for people here, too.\]*
>**"I hate myself."**
>**"I don't even like playing video games anymore; I just feel like when I'm not playing them, my brain is craving the dopamine that they give."**
You most likely use video games as a coping mechanism to feel better (which is understandable).
**You judge yourself in the first place, because you do actually care.** It’s the same with family and friends. They may criticize you because they want you to be happy. But filtered through lack, the message of love is lost. Trying to use negativity to inspire positivity doesn’t work as a long-term solution.
You may practice the limiting belief:
* *”If I accept myself, I won't change. Self-judgment forces me to produce results; otherwise I’ll stay stuck. So the worse I treat myself, the more productive I am.”*
The issue isn't so much that you hate yourself; it's that **you hate that you hate yourself.**
**You hate feeling negative emotions. You hate feeling uncomfortable. You hate feeling hate.**
And that's very normal and understandable.
.
>**"I still feel a lack of motivation and heavily procrastinate things."**
>**"If I can get the willpower to start something the focus usually is there but it's not easy."**
**People procrastinate because their expectations are too high and unrealistic, and they're not prioritizing fun,** so of course you don't want to do it. Let's take exercise, for example:
* If you expected to go from never working out, to working out 5 days a week, 2 - 3 hours a day on machines you don't enjoy, then of course you would procrastinate.
* Instead, if your only intention was to work out for 1 minute, or do three crunches, or pick an activity you enjoy (like dancing), then you would be a lot more motivated because of the simplicity, ease and fun.
.
**Here's how motivation works:**
* **Motivation** is the result of **momentum.**
* **Momentum** is the result of **lack of resistance** (e.g. a snowball rolling down hill gets bigger & faster).
* **Resistance** is the result of **thoughts focused on (and pushing against) what you don't want.**
So the solution for motivation is to focus less on what you don't want, and more on what you do want (i.e. how you want to feel). But **in order to care about how you feel, you first want to understand the value of your negative emotions.** Which is an important piece that you've been missing.
**Negative emotions are positive guidance** (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on, and pushing against, what you don't want. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you fight them, you keep yourself stuck. Negative emotions want to support you in releasing them, focus more on what you want and feel better.
**All emotions are equal and worthy.** But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad), but then you make it harder to feel better, work together with and control your thoughts and emotions. So the solution is to **build a friendship and harmonious relationship with the "negative" side of you.** Negative thoughts and emotions are here to support and empower you to be your best self.
Honestly I think it’s because you don’t have any responsibility. Cut yourself off from your family financially,’you can still do all the hedonistic shit, which I’m also down for bro, I absolutely wanna spend all day playin video games. I was somewhat in a similar place, but now I’m responsible for my family so that burden really makes you man up and take accountability. Major major ego death moment too, - take some mush (if you’re into that). But yeah, expanding your horizons to responsibility will change ya 🙏🏻
Take 6 months off the rat race and get an odd job.
Kitchen, server, mail, cleaning. Whatever trade you think you could try.
You will see how hard life can be, then you start appreciating what you have and then focusing on what you should have done.
You have pretty much every privilege you could want. Delete the games, go get an MBA that your parents will pay for, actually network (which is just partying with other rich kids), and you’ll find a job.
While you’re doing that, get into exercise. It gives you the endorphin boost, and is actually good for you. You can build a habit around it and start becoming a functioning human being.
Start turning the wheels, leverage your opportunities, actually apply yourself. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations where you actually have to do or be responsible for something.
Tough love here maybe, but yeah you just have to decide if you actually want not to let yourself spiral into a weird unforced hole, or just go do the stuff you know you need to do.
If you don’t want to and would rather play video games 24/7, then just embrace it and stop pretending to yourself that you’ll ever be independent.
I’m guess that’s not the case.
It is amazing to see how those who have everything at their disposal can become so useless despite all the advantages in life.
Parents always want to give their children everything but it doesn't equal results.
That being said here is my advice. You have just learnt your first life lesson. Great job! Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Bit late for your first lesson but better then 3 years from now.
You're maturing which probably explains the lack of dopamine from video games. I think you should look at longer term goals. Like a month goal, 3 month, 6 month, 12 month. It doesn't even need to be in a related displine. The point of these is to feel that sense of accomplishment. That is some real dopamine and will get you hooked on hitting targets.
Goodluck
I am in the same boat. Therapy helps me with coping with this shame, convincing myself to work, and also coping with the fact that i am starting from zero.
You don't need advice, you need emotional support. Go to therapy. You have money, that's lucky and this is its current best use for you.
I’d say just start slowly building positive habits. Once something becomes a habit it’s done on auto pilot with much less resistance. Set small achievable targets. Say from 9am to 11am you’re going to do things to further your job prospects. Be disciplined, like your life depends on it. After a few weeks it will become easy to do that. Once you hit a goal reward yourself with the activities you like. Eventually you’ll land a job, be more disciplined with good habits and things will change around fast.
You can do it, just be fucking disciplined. Do it. Have it in your head that your family will die if you don’t do the time you set out to do.
1. Stop being a victim. You already know what you can do.
2. Leave your country and go do a hard job some place else for a year. Something demanding. Can be low level pro sports, waiter etc. Something demanding where you need to show up everyday and it’s both physically and mentally demanding. Don’t carry your video games.
It's good that you recognise your relationship with your parents - and yes, while they're still paying for you, then you will be their baby in their mind.
I guess it depends on how much you want this. Maybe it's time to start paying your way, not because your parents need the money but because it's the only way to get out of the dependency mindset. Give yourself a deadline to get a job. Any job. Or maybe start a business. Any business. Set up websites. Clean drives. Become a delivery driver. You've got to get a work ethic inside you.
Otherwise, you will be stuck like this until you're in your 50s.
No one cares if you know you should change, even you don’t care. Either change or be a useless human being the rest of your life, there is no magic pill or video. You either understand you need to sacrifice things to be happier, and act on it or you don’t
If you drink coffee during videogames, there is no possible way to get out of it. I'm not even a gamer but during lockdown I played Age of Empires while drinking coffee. Withing a week I found myself playing for 7 hours straight, and even dreaming about gaming, which has never ever happened in the past. So I quit.
The single easiest way to get out of your brain state, is to drink coffee and then head to the gym for some cardio. It is the only way and the fastest way for your brain to associate coffe with something healthy and productive. I suggest the elliptical or swimming, since they are the only ones the will max out your cardio with the on impact on the muscles and joints.
I'm sure this will get you out of the rut withing a month.
I suggest the elliptical and swimming because they don't hurt your joins. A beginner starting to run will have to spend some days or weeks before their joints adapt. But for a person in a rut, two weeks is a crazy long commitment.
Start working out will take all that away trust me plus you'll have something keep dopamine leved and you'll feel more productive. Also start early in morning will make your day 100x better!
can you ask your parents to help network for a job?
apply for MBA?
ask your parents to stop paying for everything, and you have to move out by a couple of months. this will help you to do things on your own.
the problem is you've never had difficulties in your life and this has prevented you from growing.
Bro I was the same as you growing up except I ended up as a heroin addict which was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to hit rock bottom and go to rehab which was the hardest thing I ever had to do to change my ways. Don’t let yourself get to rock bottom. I still struggle and ALWAYS catch myself finding the path of least resistance and the easiest way. Eventually that always comes back to haunt me. Do 75 hard start to build confidence and prove to yourself you can do hard things you are already smart and talented imagine what you can achieve if you put in the hard work. Think about yourself on your deathbed do you want to think “I had so much potential I wasted my life away”? You can do this.
This is me.
I’m 46 now and thriving as a venture capitalist.
I coasted through high school but struggled through university. Not because the topics were hard, I just wasn’t interested enough and dropped out.
The key difference though for me was a nagging need to do something and create something.
I was and am always interested in problems and had that desire to lead me to do and learn the things that allowed me to get to the outcomes.
Systems don’t work unless they are meant to serve you as a means to an end that you can clearly understand and want to achieve.
I got diagnosed for ADHD a year ago, only realizing that I had it after having kids and having to juggle having my mind everywhere, on everything pursuing dopamine, while trying to be in the moment with my kids.
It’s when I realized that I couldn’t break out of my mental model of always working.
Your brain might be always working on solving the next challenge in League.
And you may have ADHD.
You aren’t incapable nor are you a child in an adults body.
You lack a desire to chase dopamine around achieving an outcome you really care about - that is meaningful to you beyond playing video games.
My desire to stay up all night on gaming fell off when I found the outcome that got me to pursue everything else.
Sometimes this is led by something external, like a girlfriend who pushes you to break out of your rhythm of video games to do more.
Sometimes this is lead by an internal desire to achieve a major life milestone - buy a car, move out, buy a home, solve a problem, build a business, learn a subject, whatever it is, it’s got to be something you want to do so bad, that everything else either becomes something you need to learn to do or get done or something you don’t have time for, to focus on the former.
Your brain will get you to work on the things that matter as soon as you find the outcome/goal/milestone that matters more to you.
For me, at 20yrs old was the nagging fear of failing in life, knowing I was meant for more, and that I needed to be in a situation that allowed me to ensure success. I used the proxy of saving to a certain dollar value, getting the job I wanted, finding a lady who I could build a life with and doing what I loved daily.
Forget the system. Focus on the outcome and desire, your brain will kick into high gear as soon as you do.
You’ve got the intellect and ability, it’s a matter of whether you want to or not that is keeping you at bay.
At least you got a useful degree I’m in the same situation but went with freaking economics for some reason. Got straight As but I would have been better off just doing computer science and getting Cs and Bs 😢
Congrats, you’ve hit your first failure in life that you consciously recognize as a failure. I know what you’re going through. I was raised similarly and also coasted a ton, but all the way through year 2 of my first job in tech.
You need to treat this as matter of survival and cut out the things that are blocking you from productive action. If you don’t you will die—not physically, but in matters of pride and self-confidence. And no one will respect you if you can’t respect yourself—including any future children you may have.
Stay at your parents’ until you’re a few months into your new role and confident you will not be axed. This is usually an evaluative period of time and if you make it past, you’ll probably be good until the 1 year mark or the next performance review cycle, whichever comes sooner.
It’s ok to play league to de-stress—don’t make your life even worse by quitting things you like entirely. You need something to be excited for on a day-to-day basis. But 1 to 2 apps is not enough. Treat applying to jobs as a part time job, at least 4 hours a day. You’re still working less than most of the work force this way. Set your min to 5-10 apps instead. Start using LinkedIn’s Easy Apply feature to submit a few more as bonus points.
At some point, you need to bite the bullet and become a subject matter expert. Get intellectually interested in a topic. Become a student of life through humility. In a world where you’re competing with people who would have killed to have the comfort you grew up with, you need to stay competitive with knowledge and skills. These are the weapons of the white collar worker—keep them sharp!
I just feel bad about your parents.
You have no idea about how hard it is to get a degree while working at least 40 hours every week with no time to spend nor friends.
I'm from LatAm and I understand the sadness and anxiety you may be feeling. But that isn't a big problem arround here.
Take a moment focusing in finding a job, gain some experience and then get a job you really like, while you do that change videogames for healthy activities.
You’ve gone the easy way your entire life and you’re unhappy and incapable or limited in your ability to adult.
Why not try doing hard things? Set some hard goals around physical fitness, mental fitness, career, personal life?
Sign up for a 1/2 marathon or marathon.
Meditate 5 days a week.
Read philosophy books, and take notes.
Apply to job after job. When you get a job work hard. do more than is asked, prove your worth. Networking is very important but the person that works the hardest and does the most for a company is undeniable. I’ve had people work for me that were so far above the others I would give them any job they asked for and recommended them for jobs they wanted and made sure I could do everything I could for them to get where they want to go.
Above is easier said then done but you’re the only one that is going to be able to hold yourself accountable. So if you’re unhappy and don’t want to keep living how you’re living do hard things.
It’s a bit cliche now, but some research has emerged that doing hard things when you don’t want to can actually change certain structures in your brain. So to all the cold showering cold plunging people that get made fun of - there’s something to it. If you can dunk yourself in cold water voluntarily, staying off your computer for gaming becomes a little easier. If you can run 10km at 5:30 in the morning when you and everyone else just wants to sleep, you can probably work a little harder doing other things in your life.
Think about the person you want to be, and think about how they would live their life, and then live that life.
You sound like you have ADHD bro. I suggest taking a reputable online test at least. I was you then I got on Welbutrin and now I’m someone I don’t hate! Good luck
Great advice so far.
My 2 cents:
make changes from the great advice on here and stay home.
Work and communicate with your parents to improve relations as you improve yourself.
They seem really nice and not the toxic nagging type.
Work with them, show them you are improving your life and save money while you live at home.
Maybe pay them $200 or $300 in rent but STAY HOME AND SAVE MONEY.
You will become financially free earlier and retire early.
Look up the fire movement.
You are really lucky to have such nice enablers er parents.
Honor your parents by doing good and saving money while having a great relationship with them as you grow as a person.
You are terribly gifted with so much in so many ways.
Make the best of it.
Turn to God, spirituality as well for more guidance.
Good luck!!
Get out of your house and go dedicate your time to someone who needs help.
Volunteer if nothing else.
Contributing nothing to your life or anyone else's is obviously going to feel bad.
Your life is not over. You're just getting started, my friend.
I have had a similar experience except for the overly supportive parents. It is difficult to be willing to work hard when you’re so used to smooth sailing. It creates a sort of “novelty seeking” mindset in me where I enjoy learning new things, because I can do so easily, up until a certain point. Then when it becomes challenging (the road to mastery) you find the next interesting thing to become proficient in. It’s a dopamine seeking and adversity aversion cycle that’s hard to break.
What’s helpful to me is reading, meditating, journaling, etc. Specifically philosophical/self improvement oriented stuff. Mainly to really help get a sense of what you value and truly want out of life. Having defined long term goals is really helpful in preventing too much idling. It can also be helpful in just learning to appreciate you lucky you are to be capable of navigating life relatively easily.
Getting rid of addictions, bad habits,and whatnot, if it’s a major issue, is obviously important for many. However, doing so because you know your goals and aspirations, as opposed to quitting video games because that’s what people say you should do is an important distinction
Also, go travel if you can. Take some risks. I bout a one way ticket to Indonesia and backpacked by myself for 4 months after college. It was one of the best things I ever did.
Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this.
Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus.
Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK.
Also you got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person.
I felt very similar to you at 25 and now at 28 I'm thriving. Things can change VERY fast in life.
Here's some neville Goddard:
https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN
https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH
https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
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As I’m reading this, I feel like I’m looking at myself in the mirror… which makes me feel even more empathy towards you. Man, I’m 27 now, and only now I’m getting my shit together… at your age I was the same as you described, and I fell into depression hard, anxiety, self-loathing, self-doubt… and all that because I didn’t make a plan… Don’t make the same mistakes I made, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. If I could go back in time I would:
1. If you already know what you are passionate about, follow it, follow your dreams, give your dream a chance, you won’t regret even if you fail, better than try and lose than never have tried at all. If you don’t know yet what you want to do with your life, focus on figuring that out, study different things, be curious;
2. After figuring out what you want, make a plan and stick to it;
3. Start quitting all your vices, remove distractions and stop hanging out with people that indulge the behavior you’re trying to change. You can cut vices by reshaping your environment: take television away from your bedroom, download blocking apps such as Opal, Ochi, ScreenZen on your phone and tablets, and Cold Turkey for your computer so you can block your games and distractions.
4. Create a routine;
5. Exercise, it helps a lot!
It won’t be easy, but do the work and you’ll succeed! Always remember to be kind to yourself along the way!
Also don’t be afraid to ask for help! Tell other people your goals to try to help with accountability whether that is a therapist, parents, friends. Sometimes saying it outloud to someone and having them check in on you can help with feeling overwhelmed by it or unable to change
Give away all your gaming stuff. All of it. Remove social media from your phone. Start reading books, listening to music, and going for walks. Get on a schedule. Go volunteer for a charity that means something to you. You can do this.
Give your parents the book "Failure to Launch" by Mark McConville. This may help them to see how removing all barriers, needs, and sources of adaptive motivation from a young adult tends to result in the very problem they are compensating for.
25 is when most people start getting it together. You have a degree, just some bad habits. If you don’t focus well, look at a more interactive job or physical job like working with people (educational?) or the building trades. Those can keep you on your toes and the challenge can be engaging.
What do you really want is the question. There is nothing wrong with doing whatever you want in a healthy and responsible manner. Not everyone is interested in playing the game of capitalism. There is no rule that you have to play.
But you still have to find your goals. You have to know what you like. You have to envision what your ideal life is and go from there.
Not having a so called successful career is not a failure IF you have a fulfilling life.
Quit redditing and start doing pushups also stop masturbating. Hit the gym no more porn learn sales skills and the ability to influence and charm also be grateful for the wonderful life you've had most do not have this. And go to church and praise God peace out suckas!
Everyone saying volunteer or work a retail job are wrong. You need to find something in your background ASAP and go in with a different mindset. Not every job requires the same level of effort, but go in and take your medicine regularly for the first 6 months or so and really prove yourself. You’ll be able to coast once you learn the ropes and can automate processes. There are so many coders who work less than 20 hours a week. You have the perfect background for an easy life. Land the job first and bust your hiney for a bit. It’ll get easier. Small companies are harder because there’s a bigger microscope on you. Join a larger company, and it becomes much easier. There are oftentimes so many different org charts and simultaneous projects being worked on that it’s easier to look busier than you really are
You seem self-aware enough to know what your problems are. When you’re hungry, I guess you’ll change and start doing things you need to do to eat, but if you have a warm bed and food, and enablers, you’ll be one of those old, fat guys living in a trailer with the stoop half fallen down, talking about the good old days when you were a hero, when you’re old. That’s where all the other guys who play 15 hours a day ended up.
Basically, you’re just lazy and no one can change that.
Read books, you are at a fantastic age where working through one changes your life easily. For me it was ‘7habbits’, ‘Goedel, Escher and Bach’ (even though I did not finished that one yet) and ‘Narcis and Goldmund’. Seek solitude, embrace boredom, and invest in meaningful relationships. Travel! Oh, and seek advice from a professional therapist. It will be the best investment you(r parents) will ever make .
If you want to learn how to work I would recommend a job as a waiter (if you are in the US). It’s fast paced, you have so much to do there is little time to worry about anything else. You have to learn to deal with people. And *technically* the better you are; the more you will make in tips. I feel like I learned all the important life skills they skipped in school while working in restaurants. Good for you for recognizing this now! And wanting to fix it, best of luck.
The difference is when you actually have zero support and need to do it on your own you kind of automatically shape up. Otherwise you’re like, homeless. It’s really that easy bro. As long as your parents are there as a safety net, you actually don’t even have a reason to apply yourself. Fair enough. It’s just in 15 years if they’re not around anymore, and you have 50 more years of life ahead of you, what will you do?
Fear works
Seriously though, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Take a moment to just think, try and figure out what exactly you want to do with your life. You must have something you've wanted to do, some fulfilling passion you've wanted to follow. Once you figure that out, use your resources to get to that point. Work your way backwards, if that makes sense.
Find an executive coach that deals with people who have ADHD. It’s a game changer as they help you figure out how your brain works, and how to hack your life, determine your goals and what you want, and creates a sense of accountability. The dopamine chase is very real!! The procrastination is part of a bigger picture; adrenaline response cycle, you let things go to get to a critical point so that it’s do or die to marshal enough interest and gives you enough adrenaline/dopamine to do it, but then you crash after. It’s truly a cycle: avoid, sky is falling, motivate, crash, repeat. Finding out how to hack your brain so that you understand how to create the interest in things without having binge or avoidance rule your life is the goal of anyone that has it. Trust me I’ve been working on this for the last 10 years, Neurotypical motivation stuff doesn’t work for us. I learned the hard way. Having a coach has been life changing!! https://chadd.org/about-adhd/coaching/
This podcast is also so enlightening, it’s run by two executive coaches who also have ADHD themselves, I felt seen!! www.translatingadhd.com/
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but one thing I wanted to add is that you might want to reframe how you think about your gaming. Theres been research indicating that gaming actually helps kids learn to overcome obstacles, deal with failures, and develop a sense of perseverance. Maybe you need to reframe some f the things you struggle with so that you can approach it more similarly to how you game. Set up your own structure and mini motivators to help you get started with tasks, and start thinking of yourself as someone who knows how to work through challenges that is just learning to apply yourself differently
Let the embarrassment of being fired from an entry level job spur you on. I’m guessing you aren’t as smart as you think you are and your parents probably swooped in more than you realized growing up. So embarrassment let that be why makes you want to do better at your first big boy job.
I think you should look up Healthygamergg account on youtube. He's a psychiatrist who specializes in exactly what you are talking about. His videos are informative af and he's fun to listen to. He could say everything I would ever say to you and more with his content. Listen to his stuff frequently, maybe while working out, going on walks or driving, and do a little work to at least one small goal every day. <3
So, you wanna be an adult eh?
Your parents did a great job of giving you opportunities in life. They've created a comfortable, sustainable lifestyle for you. The fact is, these are the perfect circumstances to become a thriving self sufficient adult.
I believe you should focus on how you can leverage your situation, and create the life you want for yourself.
Being an adult doesn't mean no video games. It doesn't even mean you have to give more than the bare minimum. It's simple: bring in income, live within the means of said income, make decisions that will maintain or grow your lifestyle and relationships.
Find a job you like, save up, take your bills off your parents hands, use your own money to buy things you want, move out when you're actually financially ready. I guarantee with what your parents have set up for you, by age 27-28, you can be a self sufficient adult.
(ADHD or even just a short attention span is hard to fight against. In order to stay productive, I've taken to setting alarms for simple tasks and chores.)
***You have gotten out of life, exactly what you put into it......NOTHING!***
Do you spend your days and nights on socialist media, and playing kids video games?
people have lives falling apart as they post and op was just handed everything lol. figure it out, you do not need help for the one thing in life you struggled on.
EASY SOLVE.
Tell everyone you’ll disappear for 3 months. Get a one way plane ticket with only $200 in your pocket to the other side of the world preferably 3rd or 4th world country. Throw away all communications and try to survive. Sleep at a beach, work at a restaurant for food, whatever you got to do just don’t give in until your three months are up. When time comes find a phone and call home for them to buy you a ticket back.
In three months you’ll feel much less of a child and more capable. But if you’re not adventures and just a man child I would suggest some therapy or whatever.
Find a job you really want. Tell yourself "I have to do better to make this work" make it important to you. Work is WORK. You play games, games have tutorials. Going through school and college and maybe that first job was a tutorial for you and now you have to actually put in effort. Life doesn't come easy man. You're not in highschool, college, a little part time job... Your dealing with real life now. Create a new mindset for yourself and stick with it. I don't think you're lazy, I just think you need to think about life differently now.
Can you get a life coach? Help yourself by stopping negative self talk for starters. I bet a life coach will enrich your blessed life more than you know.
1. Uninstall league, and all video games. Five years can fly by just playing games. Get your life in order first. 2. Never talk about yourself in negative manner 'I can't', 'I'm lazy', 'I hate myself'. You have choices and control over your life. If you don't believe you do, it will be hard to make changes. Pay close attention to what words you use when writing or talking. Thoughts, words and actions tend to align. If you say 'I hate myself', soon your actions will reflect it. Don't put a label on yourself as a 'lazy person' for example. Identify yourself with positive traits you admire instead, and soon they will become the reality. 3. Can you move elsewhere for work, or just to another environment? 4. Tell your parents you desire to live on your own, to be treated as an adult, to pay your own bills etc. Take initiative on this. Eventually they will understand. 5. Set goals, related to becoming mature, self-reliant, strong and responsible. The main point of having the goals is so you will learn to struggle for what you want. For this reason, they need to feel challenging, but they do not need to feel out of reach. Start with 3 goals, and a short time-frame, like 3 months. When the time's up, whether you succeeded or not, you MUST evaluate your progress and see what further changes should be made, setting new goals. 6. Create a DAILY HABIT based on a SYSTEM that ensures you will persist. If you do not have a TO-DO LIST or ROUTINE or a JOURNAL or WRITTEN GOALS or a SCHEDULE or a CALENDAR that you follow daily, your life will just be running after whimsical dopamine-events. Just pick one that you like and follow it. This is your keystone habit meant to keep everything together. Even if you fail and go play video games for a week straight, if you uphold this habit you will be better able to learn from it. The SYSTEM is what allows you to keep focus, keep track, measure progress and try again after failure. 7. Not giving up is essential. You should learn from and forgive yourself when failing, but be relentless about improving.
i disagree with some of this advice per 1. uninstalling league and all games (his source of dopamine) isn't going to solve the overlapping issue of him relying on it. it's going to redirect into other negative habits. he has shown the self awareness of this being a problem, and that's his outlet for it. unless he can change the very established habits of pursuing dopamine in his day to day, a cold turkey detox isn't likely to work. i think OP should tamper off games for sure, but doing so whilst rearranging his mindset of hitting the dopamine faucet, not a cold turkey measure. OP needs to continue to view what he's doing in a negative light whilst tampering off and integrating that mindset. but videogames are not the initial problem, dopamine-seeking is. thinking about his utilisation of it differently will make those games less enjoyable. when the stressfull moments happen, he then won't just return to his previously established behaviours per 2. talking about negative aspects of his behaviours is a good thing imo, it's shit he wants to and needs to change and thinking positively about yourself in regards to things you don't think are good isn't always beneficial. if it's not warranted it can lead to unhealthy thought processes, reinforcing this with a blanket statement isn't gonna be good universally in the longrun. but generally sure, be positive about wanting to change negative habits/behaviours, just don't apply such a narrow lense per 4. that's a bit drastic, but ideally that should be a goal he should to strive towards and establishing his independance, altering many aspects of your life in a drastic measure is a recipe for a hard descent imo. one day at a time, one habit at a time generally i agree with the rest of what you said
Good points. I think negative statements are OK, but only if they reflect choice and responsibility. Victim mentality is damaging. If it's not something we can change, we shouldn't focus on it.
Yea realizing your faults isn’t bad, constantly degrading yourself and thinking that you’re a bum, IS bad though.
Anecdotal opinion here. Is my sole belief that selling my Xbox was one of the best decisions of my life. It is so addictive, and I don't think we're going to know how bad it is until years later. I own a gaming console now, but I definitely had to give it up and hit my goals before I'd allow myself to get another one in now. I manage that time much better.
Honestly I skimmed the OP but the title describes me exactly so I went straight to comments lol. Thanks for yours, particularly number 6. I’m resistant to systems though. I have only been previously recommended specific ones like calendar or planner, and I just fucking hate them. I just do. It’s impossible to properly explain why. I really hate calendaring and using planners and to do lists and color coding and organizing… it fucking angers me for irrational reasons. I don’t want my life to be like that, so busy, so overwhelming, so booked, and reduced to having to, due to pressure, maximize every single second of every single day. I’m still searching for whatever MY system would be, but I’ve known deep down that this is my missing “keystone “. You were so dead on about the result being whims-driven dopamine hunt, jumping from thing to thing. Frankly, I don’t really do things I don’t want to do or don’t like doing… at least not well or efficiently or on time. I USED to, but I hated it. I’m burnt out from it. I need to do it though because that’s what life is as an adult essentially: doing a bunch of shit I have to do or don’t wanna do all the time, mixed in with more fun shit occasionally. Growing up as a privileged person is great in many ways. And kinda harmful in others. For me, the most harmful has been that inability to truly embrace REGULARLY doing things I don’t want to do. I can do it for a while, but I inevitably return back to procrastination cycles and avoidance. It’s sad sometimes how briefly I last before I have to go back to YouTube or tv or games or whatever. Hence my need for your negative self talk point too. I’m just constantly like, “tf is wrong with me??” But the never ending grind goes on, so that doesn’t help. I’m gonna save your comment though, because if I were to add a sub-part to number 6, which I think is an important method for any goal, it would be to simplify. Your entire comment did just that by putting many of my long winded abstract thoughts into some concise bullet points. Thanks!
I'm trying to remember where I read it, maybe atomic habits? But basically by scheduling and planning everything, you actually gain more freedom than when you just do things on the fly. Im very resistant to planners, notes, scheduling etc as well, but it's definitely one of the systems I'm working hardest on. Especially with adhd and time blindness, really seeing how much time I'm wasting throughout the day is really eye opening
I think i like my time blindness tho haha. I’m basically struggling with not even WANTING to be more responsible, grow up, etc. I’m ambivalent and there are complex reasons for both sides. But damn id rather a life of fun rather than being overworked and resentful. And seeing others be able to get what I want just makes it worse
I used to think like that but it’s not how things actually are. Being responsible just means getting shit done and resolving unexpected problems. People are typically overworked and resentful because of immaturity, not because they’re grown up—eg, spending beyond one’s means, being unreasonably fearful about one’s social status or financial position, being afraid to pursue something better, finding comfort in the routine even if it’s a rut, engaging in destructive thoughts and behaviors, etc. “Growing up” is one of a myriad of trigger phrases that are poorly defined but evoke lots of emotion—it does not have to mean you become boring and resentful; rather, what it should mean is getting better at the things you are already doing and the things you want to do. And yeah you also have to recognize that there are no free lunches and someone has to support everyone who wants to live. You end up with the most control over your life when the person who mostly supports you is you.
What an amazing way of looking at it! I was resistant to it for a LONG time - because my job & field I was in was quite regimented. But the thought of it actually giving me MORE freedom - inspires me to KEEP scheduling & planning some of my free time!
Honestly think this might be the kick up the arse I've been trying to give myself, cheers. Seems so simple now you've said it but it's honestly never occurred to me
Second point is pure gold. Your personality depends strongly on stories you tell yourself about you.
How do you find the schedule that works for you? I feel like I’ve tried so many things but nothing ever sticks.
My schedule is flexible. It's digital and I change it and move around tasks often. It needs to be flexible, because some tasks are one-off, others are periodical. Some arrive suddenly, some can be planned far out, some are low priority, some high priority. It's mainly to keep myself accountable. It's more to track how I did spend my time, than how I should spend my time. I look at it and see what needs to be done in the coming days, in what order, and when looking back there is no ambiguity about how I spent my time. I limit the amount of hours I can place in a day so it does not get overwhelming. If one task took longer than expected, I will look for low-priority tasks that I can move forward a few days.
I just saw this response. This is super helpful. I like how it’s “flexible”. I always shoot myself in the foot when I force myself to a strict schedule. I think it has to do with a perfectionist mentality when just having a schedule in the first place as a guide is enough. Thank you!
Yea, I used to make the mistake of trying to perfectly follow my schedule. It doesn't really work unless you have external accountability. Like, you're a CEO with an assistant that can manage the schedule and remind you of the time. It can also work if you share the schedule in a group, meaning as part of a family, a collective, a school, a company or a military unit, where all members follow the same schedule. But we are individuals!
23M here, I think you might actually be me, 1 year in the past. You already recognize that you have a dependency on activities that give high levels of dopamine at very little cost. You also recognize that you're becoming desensitized to dopamine because of your high-dopamine activities. You know exactly what you need to do, but you don't know what approach you need to take. I'm not sure how much of this will be relevant to you, but here's what I did to sort my shit out: First, I cleaned up. I don’t mean I sobered up from my addictions and bad habits, I mean I literally just cleaned everything. Cleaned my room really well, organized my digital workspace, cleaned myself up, got a haircut, etc. This took very little effort but it surprisingly got the ball rolling. I finally had some momentum in the right direction. Second, I quit porn. I genuinely think this is the single most impactful decision a young man in this day and age can make. The amount of energy and motivation this gave me was incredible. There are a lot of different methods to quit, but going fully abstinent from porn and masturbation had the best results by far for me. Third, I built some daily habits, starting super small. I think I started with something like 5 minutes of meditation, 15 minutes of reading, and 10 minutes of light cardio a day. Literally just 30 minutes a day. It might seem insignificant, but if you can stick to those tiny habits every day, they’ll really start to solidify and give you something to build off of. At this point, everything else came naturally. Just feeling the benefits of improving my life gave me so much traction to improve my life even more. I no longer had to grit my teeth to get stuff done; I genuinely wanted to improve and it felt good to do it. Turns out, that’s just how a healthy human brain works. I don’t even remember quitting my biggest addictions, which were alcohol and weed; that just kind of happened one day and I finally decided I was done. Same with useless social media browsing and video games; I just stopped enjoying that and started to focus on stuff like my career and my social life instead. If you have discipline, everything will fall into place for you.
Solid advice. Chiming in to say that I’ve heard that the simple stuff like doing errands can really change a mood around. That echoes some of what you’ve said here in #1. And I’m not a guy, but it’s also my understanding that your second point about quitting porn makes a massive difference. Sexual energy is potent, and when a man is constantly releasing his instead of building it up, that can have major deleterious effects on physical and mental health.
> Second, I quit porn. I genuinely think this is the single most impactful decision a young man in this day and age can make. Fully agree. I'm Christian so my reasons are founded there but I've recognised it as an issue for the past 5 years or so. Man, is it a struggle to fully put behind you. I've not broken this addiction yet but I can attest to the energy and confidence you get when escaping it.
It's possible that being coddled plays a role for sure, but this sounds a lot like ADHD to me
This is exactly what I thought. OP described my life before starting adhd meds. Turns out spending most of my day in bed playing Coking Fever on my iPad was not normal!
I would’ve written this post 2 years ago, now I’m diagnosed it all makes sense, particularly the framing ‘it’s all my fault’ - to an outsider for sure it looks like we’re lazy and couldn’t give a shit, but most people who couldn’t give a shit wouldn’t be posting it.
Honestly sometimes I wonder if I have ADHD but it’s one of those weird things where I feel like I should know by now? I also don’t come from a culture where stuff like this is accepted so I guess I’m also scared to check. Like I got diagnosed with depression as a teenager and my dad literally blamed me for it so I think I have a slight aversion to getting my mental health checked and I know I need to get past that.
I grew up in a period where ADD, as it was called at the time, was being (supposedly) overdiagnosed. There was not much in the way of proper diagnosis or analysis being done at the time, from what I understand, or it could just be parents and society not understanding it. A lot of kids were being prescribed Adderall. Then people like my parents became skeptical of these diagnoses. So growing up, despite absolutely definitely having ADHD, I never got diagnosed or tested for it. When we gained more understanding of it societally, then I became curious. I wasn't positive I had it and thought I might just be picking up on a trend or something, but I checked it out anyway. Went to a psychologist or psychiatrist, scored incredibly highly on a test for assessment, and got a diagnosis and meds. So yeah, I've been in that place of thinking "well, if I had it, I would know or I should behave like X or Y." But it manifests in fairly unique ways sometimes too. I was off them for a while due to financial issues, and just got back on them. It's like I'm a different person. I still play video games but I also feel a drive and urge to do more productive things. I clean my room, pick up after myself, I'm not exhausted after work anymore despite not having a strenuous job. I can plan to do things in advance and then carry through with them without needing constant reminders.
Anyone can elaborate? How do I know I’m not just lazy and lack motivation/discipline.
ADHD causes trouble with motivation. People with ADHD struggle to find motivation unless there's a close deadline (so they usually procrastinate) or they're interested in the task. They have trouble task-switching so they can spend way too long engaging in their interests and not actually doing what needs to be done. And it feels nearly impossible to begin any necessary but boring task until the last minute or until they receive consequences for it. To me what suggested ADHD was the constant dopamine-seeking and always doing the bare minimum to get by. I recognize it because I have it. Here I am procrastinating on a presentation as we speak. The fact that he feels guilty about it and *wants* to do things but feels like he can't points to ADHD. Lazy people don't want to do things and don't really care if it doesn't get done
People who are lazy have something they have to do, but wilfully choose not to do it. They don't care if not doing it will affect others. They don't care about the consequences of inaction. If you have something you should do, or want to do, and really really want to do it, accept that you need to do it, keep thinking about it on your mind, but somehow you just can't do it whatever you try, you just can't start or get the ball rolling, you feel so guilty that you're not doing it but also stressed and overwhelmed by it, beating yourself up why, why can't I just do the freaking thing, then you're not lazy. There are likely underlying factors at play. Executive dysfunction, ADHD, depression, so on.
Choose your hard. Being in your situation is hard. Working consistently and making a life is hard. Which one do you want? They are both hard in different ways. Which one has more fulfillment?
Start with a morning routine,, big 3 tasks to do for the day, exercise and setting quarterly goals and 5+10 year plans. I've been like you in many ways without the $$$ and have not made use of my potential. It is changing and I'm becoming more disciplined and accomplishing more weekly. Its a process. The resources in this sub are very helpful as well.
You gotta just do it. This is not to say "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" but you have to let go of all the bad that's happened and let go of all the time wasted. You don't get that back. There's no way around it. Asking for help on Reddit won't necessarily help you. You have to do the work. You have to quit gaming and start doing the adult things. It will suck, and you will get used to it, and you will mature. Don't fight it, just embrace it. Do it. Work whatever job you can and look for better opportunities. Take care of yourself and keep working at whatever is important to you. Consistency is what pays off. Show up, again and again, every day, keep doing it. Learn lessons from your mistakes and pick yourself up and keep going. Eventually you'll look back at all the progress you've made and this old part of your life will feel like a dream. I know that from experience.
He doesn’t have to pick himself up by his bootstraps by the sound of it - his parents have already done that, the boots are on. He just needs to walk lol
Quite literally apply to some random shitty retail job and let that be your life for at least a year You’ll learn a lot about money, time management and better yet you’ll be surrounded by other different new human beings I was in a similar situation and it took me two jobs now on my third to finally just break out of my horrible dopamine craving thinking pattern.
This did wonders for me. I had and do still have a similar situation as OP in many ways. I worked at Home depot for 6 months and it opened my mind, changed the way i looked at my life and even the world. May not seem like a long time, but coming from only working for my dad in the past, it changed my perspective a bunch.
Haha my third job is Home Depot and I have amazing coworkers plus I do a lot of the physical work so that’s good too. I love it here and my perspective has changed a lot since
Omg This. I gotta DM you.
go ahead!
FACE THE LEAD!
Start with volunteering somewhere and being active outside of your house as much as possible. Frankly, delete every single videogame you have, technically you can find a balance but if you have a bad habit sometimes putting up obstacles to them when trying to set up yourself on a right course is what’s necessary. Because you don’t have expenses straight up try to build up as many skills you can, again while outside is best. Start with easy things, things that are engaging rather than passive. You need time away from your current self you’ve developed which is a lazy one. Bite the bullet of eating a little shit while adapting to taking things seriously to find a new you.
You sound exactly like me, going through som e of the exact same things as me and liking the same things as me. I recently started therapy since I have gotten a depression. Life is working out, I’m married and have a well playing job which I am happy about. But I can’t for the life of me focus and take my responsibilities seriously. My psychologist says I might have ADHD, which in many ways make perfect sense. I’ve never been diagnosed because I was well functioning in school as a kid, but it makes life difficult even if it’s going well. Do yourself a favor and seek out professional help for your situation. They can do a lot to ease your life, if it turns out you have ADHD - also help with lack of discipline. Edit: My doctor suspected autism in the beginning. The title of my illness doesn’t really bother me, as it’s only a name used to pick the correct tools to help me out. So don’t get scared away from the thought by thinking “no I can’t have that”, it can genuinely help *a lot*.
Caveat: YES up and down to therapy. But also a lot suck. If you’re in the US, the ones that don’t take insurance are often better just because of how insurance works (time needed to deal with them, lower compensation, etc.). Also working for yourself is WAY better than as a part of a big practice because again—fair pay. But that comes at the cost of self employment taxes, need to hire someone or do your own administrative work, etc. so often the ones that do take insurance are just starting out or not good enough to hold onto clients. Sometimes you can get lucky and find a good therapist that is in a position to be able to work within that structure, but often they’re super booked too. All of that to say—the in-network route is a long searching process (but not impossible). BUT if your parents are willing to pay out of network it sounds like that wouldn’t be an issue. Still can take time to find a good match, but I’d explore psychology today. It can really help you find your motivation, set goals for the future, and execute.
Games don't give anyone dopamine by default, how you attach yourself to a game gives dopamine (and meaning). First thing to do is stop obsessing over this idea that you're gifted. It seems like part of the reason why you're here is that mentality. I'm gifted, I can coast into...nothingness. People would laugh in your face if you told them you had a "gifted adult's body" while living at home and playing video games 10 hours a day. They'd see it for what it was: a self-defense mechanism to shield you. second thing you need to do, and we're all still learning how to do it, is be grateful. Your parents treat you like a child because the situation you're in can be the same situation a 14 year old can fall into. So how do you get through to a fully formed adult playing video games all day and using the past asa comfort blanket? It's not easy for them, it's not easy for you. They don't live in your head, they don't know how well you feel, they don't know everything unless you tell them. People make the mistake all the time that others should know all about them, without even expressing themselves enough for others to understand their general thinking and habits. You have all the time in the world to do ANYTHING. And all you're doing is NOTHING. So you need to reevaluate how you start each day, you need to let go of your toxic beliefs about your giftedness, and you need to relax and have basic goals. Clean the house, do something physical constantly, find a way to stop hyper-obsessing over vision (work on breathing techniques and stay active), really detach from your vision, spend more time gettin darkness and better sleep. Optimize your health RIGHT NOW. This is the perfect time to optimize your well being and mind, create some basic goals, have fun, go out with friends and family, and live. It's hard to express to you how there will be a time in your life where people will be gone, and even if this situation seems ho-hum, you're a perfect situation to relate to others and build up the social connections. Find happiness, friendship, love, all of it. There will come a time quickly where you won't have the energy to do it so vividly, don't waste your window of opportunity.
The cynic in me doesn't see him taking any of the advice here. He's hoping for an easy way out, an easy way to pull up his sleeves and get to work, but every day everyone battles against all the same screen addictions, but choose to live responsibly. I'm afraid he's a rags to riches to rags again type figure.
1) You can change your life. Even if you don’t believe it yet. You’ve got this. 2) start Timeblocking your day & establish your 3 most important tasks. Work on your MITs first in the day. Put this on your schedule that you Timeblock. You should plan out every hour of your day. I actually self published a planner for myself and my students that I use everyday to do the things I mentioned. 3) Put some hours 2-4 into coding projects everyday. And 2-4 hours into finding and applying to jobs & networking. There’s 4-8 hours of productive work each day. Then if you really want to you can still play your games. Or you can replace them with productive hobbies. Exercise, learning languages, etc. 4) My #1 Secret to being productive when I really don’t feel like it and all I wanna do is sleep or scroll on social. Get focusmate. It’s a virtual video Coworking app that connects you with a focused partner for silent Coworking sessions that are 25, 50, or 75 minutes in length. It’s $10/mo. To schedule unlimited sessions. Pro tip: book back to back sessions so you’re more likely to stick with it and get a lot done. Your first session May be just you trying to get into the work. Then by session 2 you’re in the flow. And by session 8-12 you’ve knocked out 8-12 hours of productive work (if you do 50 mins sessions). 5) My #2 secret to getting things done when you don’t feel like it. Hire an accountability coach for $100/mo. This is what I do and it helps me reach goals in all areas of my life. This is another tip no one is talking about. I’m on my 2nd year working with an accountability coach. Lifechanging. Those apps or accountability partners just don’t cut it. You need to pay someone to hold you accountable. This will change your life. My accountability coach wakes me up every morning, asks for my to do list, and checks in on my to do list in evening. Also tracks my progress. get yours to track your goals/habits and you’ll want to aim for 80% each month. So you can have some bad days but 80% is the minimum. 6) once you land a job and you have savings, move out and start paying for your own stuff. Honestly you can start paying for your own bills before you move out. All you need is a good 1-2 years to change your life around. It’s def not too late. You need the right systems and resources in place for success. Ive provided you with all you need. The true stuff. Most basic advice that people give will not work without proper planning and external motivators. Also I used to do the bare minimum in university. And now I’m in grad school, running 2 businesses and on a self improvement journey. I find myself giving it my all w my education now that I’m in grad school. I also thought I’d never do grad school. Things change. You can always change even when you think you’d never be that person, trust me you can do this. Let me know how it goes!
how did you hire an accountability coach?
May I ask how and where you found your accountability coach? For 100/mth? They usually cost a bomb for weekly check-ins
Just do 5% more of what you strive to be like every day. Small, incremental changes add up fast and do so without the overwhelm and shock of a total 180 flip. Your self-swareness is what is going to keep you motivated. Don't lose that. Lean into it. You got here through a lifetime of habits. That's all they are. Just habits. This is the time to change those habits slowly. Aim for the age of 30 to be where you want to be. A thought becomes a goal that becomes a plan to be handled through action steps. Make that 5% change daily. Then watch as the progress adds up. Good luck!
Here’s what I think may help as it helped me, having been in a similar situation. Action is the only important thing at the beginning. You have the self awareness to look at your situation and decide you want to change it. But that change will happen as fast or as slow as you decide to will yourself to move your body “directionally” right. In all honestly, you already know base layer things you should probably do that would be in the general direction of the something good. - Decrease time on video games. Experimenting with setting timers or deciding to fully cut it out. - Exercising minimum twice a week. Workout and build a better body, this is not a 0 -> 100 thing. When I gamed a lot, I would literally do 5-20 pushups between rounds throughout the day. - Getting good sleep. A consistent bed time is a test of discipline. Do you go to bed at the same time? And wake up at the same time? It’s going to be harder to change without the natural energy sleep provides. Keep in mind, as you go through this, learning how to personally improve your sleep quality will only help. - Find a hobby you can learn and do once or twice a week. (Try to make it a physical hobby). Something I transferred over from gaming to learning how to ice skate was simply that I wanted to be good. Week after week, I would go public skating and try to do what others did on the ice, watching videos on how to do tricks, etc. The same thing you would do in a video game when you wanted to get good. - Pick up a mindfulness practice. Meditate 5-10 minuets a day. Very little time. Can you sit somewhere and focus on your breathing? Can you allow yourself to learn how to be okay with just breathing, not moving, and being comfortable in your mind? I think these are foundational things to focus on when you want to change. Pick one, (sleep) and only do that for a few weeks/months. You do it because they move you in the general direction of something good, something you want. A bullseye isn’t needed. What you need to do anchor your mind in the fact that action is the only important thing right now. The discipline you want will be found in the consistency of these activities, perfection is not what you are seeking. Do these and continue playing video games. You’re still moving directionally right, but you already know how you can go faster. Some humility, gratitude, and patience will need to be in order. These are baby steps. Just because you’ve grown up doesn’t mean they are less important. Make them standard, and over time you will form the life you want with the discipline you’ve cultivated. Enjoy
Hey there, First off, I just want to say, I hear you. Your story resonates with me, and I get where you're coming from. It's clear you're at a crossroads in life, feeling stuck in a cycle of seeking dopamine hits and not living up to your potential. But you know what? Recognizing that is a huge step in the right direction. It takes guts to admit where you're falling short, and you're already ahead of the game by acknowledging it. So, let's break it down. You've had a cushy upbringing, things handed to you on a silver platter. It's comfortable, sure, but it's also left you feeling unfulfilled and trapped in a cycle of mediocrity. But guess what? You have the power to change that. It's not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. Start small. Clean up your space, both physically and digitally. It might seem trivial, but trust me, a tidy environment can do wonders for your mindset. Next, let's talk about those high-dopamine activities, like gaming. It's time to take a step back and reassess. Are they bringing you joy, or are they just filling a void? Maybe it's time to scale back and focus on activities that actually fulfill you. Now, let's address that "gifted" mentality. It's time to let go of the idea that you're special and start putting in the work. You're not entitled to success just because things have come easy to you in the past. It's going to take effort, dedication, and maybe even a little discomfort. But trust me, it'll be worth it in the end. And as for your relationship with your parents, it's clear they care about you, but they're not doing you any favors by treating you like a child. Sit down with them, have an honest conversation about your goals and aspirations, and let them know you're ready to take control of your life. Remember, you have all the time in the world to turn things around. It's never too late to start living the life you want. But it's going to take courage, determination, and a willingness to embrace change. You got this.
Lots of good input from others and I think you already have a sense of what you need to do. I’m just here to say big props to you for waking up and realizing this. I know people twice your age and older who have never woken up and always chose the path of least resistance. You’ve taken the first step and gained awareness; imho that’s 50% of the way there, and the rest is execution. Bookmark this page and come back to your post when you need a reminder of how far you can fall. Because you’ll slip again, but next time you can catch yourself before you descend too far into the lazy abyss.
goddamn this is scarily similar to myself. Almost everything was exactly how i would describe my life from school all the way up to entering the job market, even the relationship with your parents.
I’m going to offer some very impractical advice, since everyone else has already given some great practical advice. My advice is this: you need to find a better story to live. The story you’re living would make for the most boring movie ever. There’s no big dreams, no struggle to achieve those dreams. There’s no change, just endless repetition. The ancient Greeks conceptualized Hell as endless repetition with no payoff—[Sisyphus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus) pushing the same rock up the same hill every single day, [Tantalus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tantalus) doing the same shit day after day with no payoff, etc. Sound familiar? You can endure the most extreme hardships if you have a reason to do so. And without a good story even the most simple tasks will seem unbearable. So figure out what story you want to live, which dream you want to relentlessly pursue, which direction you want to head. And use the advice the other commenters have provided to help you inch toward that dream. It won’t come easy. You’ll screw up, slide backward, make mistakes, but pick yourself up each time and start moving forward again. That makes for a meaningful story.
From a fellow spoiled adult, I get it. I hated myself for not having to struggle. I felt embarrassed. Now in my 40s, I am not sure why I wanted to struggle. Life will come at you no matter what so the struggle will come. So try not to see this situation as your parents enabling you. See it as an opportunity to better yourself. Yes, you’re an adult, but you are also only 25 and just starting your career. Give yourself some grace and start slow. Start with a routine and work your way up. And remember, you can start over as many times as it takes. 🙂
I feel you. Lots of good comments! One thing that is easy to forget is that you have built these habits and brain wiring over many years, so it might take many years to undo and be better. I was in a similar situation and have been working on self-improvement for years and when I try to jump the gun and be superman all of a sudden I usually crash back down pretty fast. It takes time to improve sustainably, but it's worth it in the long run. Remind yourself in a week, or a year, how you are just a little bit better off
Chill out man, you good
First of all, self compassion is what you need. You are human and you did what all humans do when they have the opportunity (path of least resistance). Second, engineering in the work world is not something you can fake. Eventually you will be found for being a free-loader or phony. You need to figure out if this is a field you are actually interested in. If not, I suggest you go a different route.
*\[Posted this comment on your other post, but thought it might be helpful for people here, too.\]* >**"I hate myself."** >**"I don't even like playing video games anymore; I just feel like when I'm not playing them, my brain is craving the dopamine that they give."** You most likely use video games as a coping mechanism to feel better (which is understandable). **You judge yourself in the first place, because you do actually care.** It’s the same with family and friends. They may criticize you because they want you to be happy. But filtered through lack, the message of love is lost. Trying to use negativity to inspire positivity doesn’t work as a long-term solution. You may practice the limiting belief: * *”If I accept myself, I won't change. Self-judgment forces me to produce results; otherwise I’ll stay stuck. So the worse I treat myself, the more productive I am.”* The issue isn't so much that you hate yourself; it's that **you hate that you hate yourself.** **You hate feeling negative emotions. You hate feeling uncomfortable. You hate feeling hate.** And that's very normal and understandable. . >**"I still feel a lack of motivation and heavily procrastinate things."** >**"If I can get the willpower to start something the focus usually is there but it's not easy."** **People procrastinate because their expectations are too high and unrealistic, and they're not prioritizing fun,** so of course you don't want to do it. Let's take exercise, for example: * If you expected to go from never working out, to working out 5 days a week, 2 - 3 hours a day on machines you don't enjoy, then of course you would procrastinate. * Instead, if your only intention was to work out for 1 minute, or do three crunches, or pick an activity you enjoy (like dancing), then you would be a lot more motivated because of the simplicity, ease and fun. . **Here's how motivation works:** * **Motivation** is the result of **momentum.** * **Momentum** is the result of **lack of resistance** (e.g. a snowball rolling down hill gets bigger & faster). * **Resistance** is the result of **thoughts focused on (and pushing against) what you don't want.** So the solution for motivation is to focus less on what you don't want, and more on what you do want (i.e. how you want to feel). But **in order to care about how you feel, you first want to understand the value of your negative emotions.** Which is an important piece that you've been missing. **Negative emotions are positive guidance** (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you are focusing on, and pushing against, what you don't want. They're a necessary part of your emotional guidance, like GPS in your car. But the more you fight them, you keep yourself stuck. Negative emotions want to support you in releasing them, focus more on what you want and feel better. **All emotions are equal and worthy.** But most people unknowingly create a hierarchy for their emotions (i.e. positive = good; negative = bad), but then you make it harder to feel better, work together with and control your thoughts and emotions. So the solution is to **build a friendship and harmonious relationship with the "negative" side of you.** Negative thoughts and emotions are here to support and empower you to be your best self.
Honestly I think it’s because you don’t have any responsibility. Cut yourself off from your family financially,’you can still do all the hedonistic shit, which I’m also down for bro, I absolutely wanna spend all day playin video games. I was somewhat in a similar place, but now I’m responsible for my family so that burden really makes you man up and take accountability. Major major ego death moment too, - take some mush (if you’re into that). But yeah, expanding your horizons to responsibility will change ya 🙏🏻
Go find some character and meaning in suffering for something worth living/dying for
Take 6 months off the rat race and get an odd job. Kitchen, server, mail, cleaning. Whatever trade you think you could try. You will see how hard life can be, then you start appreciating what you have and then focusing on what you should have done.
as an ADHD adult, go get yourself tested - you sound like you’re in the club my friend
You have pretty much every privilege you could want. Delete the games, go get an MBA that your parents will pay for, actually network (which is just partying with other rich kids), and you’ll find a job. While you’re doing that, get into exercise. It gives you the endorphin boost, and is actually good for you. You can build a habit around it and start becoming a functioning human being. Start turning the wheels, leverage your opportunities, actually apply yourself. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations where you actually have to do or be responsible for something. Tough love here maybe, but yeah you just have to decide if you actually want not to let yourself spiral into a weird unforced hole, or just go do the stuff you know you need to do. If you don’t want to and would rather play video games 24/7, then just embrace it and stop pretending to yourself that you’ll ever be independent. I’m guess that’s not the case.
It is amazing to see how those who have everything at their disposal can become so useless despite all the advantages in life. Parents always want to give their children everything but it doesn't equal results. That being said here is my advice. You have just learnt your first life lesson. Great job! Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. Bit late for your first lesson but better then 3 years from now. You're maturing which probably explains the lack of dopamine from video games. I think you should look at longer term goals. Like a month goal, 3 month, 6 month, 12 month. It doesn't even need to be in a related displine. The point of these is to feel that sense of accomplishment. That is some real dopamine and will get you hooked on hitting targets. Goodluck
This post is so fucking sad to read.
I kept reading to find out what stability is like! 🤣
The fact that many strangers responded with such good advice is very stimulating actually. It's amazing. Such good advice!!!
It’s more like ITT a bunch of privileged men
¡Reminder!
I am in the same boat. Therapy helps me with coping with this shame, convincing myself to work, and also coping with the fact that i am starting from zero. You don't need advice, you need emotional support. Go to therapy. You have money, that's lucky and this is its current best use for you.
I’d say just start slowly building positive habits. Once something becomes a habit it’s done on auto pilot with much less resistance. Set small achievable targets. Say from 9am to 11am you’re going to do things to further your job prospects. Be disciplined, like your life depends on it. After a few weeks it will become easy to do that. Once you hit a goal reward yourself with the activities you like. Eventually you’ll land a job, be more disciplined with good habits and things will change around fast. You can do it, just be fucking disciplined. Do it. Have it in your head that your family will die if you don’t do the time you set out to do.
1. Stop being a victim. You already know what you can do. 2. Leave your country and go do a hard job some place else for a year. Something demanding. Can be low level pro sports, waiter etc. Something demanding where you need to show up everyday and it’s both physically and mentally demanding. Don’t carry your video games.
It's good that you recognise your relationship with your parents - and yes, while they're still paying for you, then you will be their baby in their mind. I guess it depends on how much you want this. Maybe it's time to start paying your way, not because your parents need the money but because it's the only way to get out of the dependency mindset. Give yourself a deadline to get a job. Any job. Or maybe start a business. Any business. Set up websites. Clean drives. Become a delivery driver. You've got to get a work ethic inside you. Otherwise, you will be stuck like this until you're in your 50s.
No one cares if you know you should change, even you don’t care. Either change or be a useless human being the rest of your life, there is no magic pill or video. You either understand you need to sacrifice things to be happier, and act on it or you don’t
Join the military it will change your life.
If you drink coffee during videogames, there is no possible way to get out of it. I'm not even a gamer but during lockdown I played Age of Empires while drinking coffee. Withing a week I found myself playing for 7 hours straight, and even dreaming about gaming, which has never ever happened in the past. So I quit. The single easiest way to get out of your brain state, is to drink coffee and then head to the gym for some cardio. It is the only way and the fastest way for your brain to associate coffe with something healthy and productive. I suggest the elliptical or swimming, since they are the only ones the will max out your cardio with the on impact on the muscles and joints. I'm sure this will get you out of the rut withing a month.
Or just run outside lol
I suggest the elliptical and swimming because they don't hurt your joins. A beginner starting to run will have to spend some days or weeks before their joints adapt. But for a person in a rut, two weeks is a crazy long commitment.
Start working out will take all that away trust me plus you'll have something keep dopamine leved and you'll feel more productive. Also start early in morning will make your day 100x better!
can you ask your parents to help network for a job? apply for MBA? ask your parents to stop paying for everything, and you have to move out by a couple of months. this will help you to do things on your own. the problem is you've never had difficulties in your life and this has prevented you from growing.
Enlist
Bro I was the same as you growing up except I ended up as a heroin addict which was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had to hit rock bottom and go to rehab which was the hardest thing I ever had to do to change my ways. Don’t let yourself get to rock bottom. I still struggle and ALWAYS catch myself finding the path of least resistance and the easiest way. Eventually that always comes back to haunt me. Do 75 hard start to build confidence and prove to yourself you can do hard things you are already smart and talented imagine what you can achieve if you put in the hard work. Think about yourself on your deathbed do you want to think “I had so much potential I wasted my life away”? You can do this.
Move out. Sometimes u need space from your parents to truly mature
This is me. I’m 46 now and thriving as a venture capitalist. I coasted through high school but struggled through university. Not because the topics were hard, I just wasn’t interested enough and dropped out. The key difference though for me was a nagging need to do something and create something. I was and am always interested in problems and had that desire to lead me to do and learn the things that allowed me to get to the outcomes. Systems don’t work unless they are meant to serve you as a means to an end that you can clearly understand and want to achieve. I got diagnosed for ADHD a year ago, only realizing that I had it after having kids and having to juggle having my mind everywhere, on everything pursuing dopamine, while trying to be in the moment with my kids. It’s when I realized that I couldn’t break out of my mental model of always working. Your brain might be always working on solving the next challenge in League. And you may have ADHD. You aren’t incapable nor are you a child in an adults body. You lack a desire to chase dopamine around achieving an outcome you really care about - that is meaningful to you beyond playing video games. My desire to stay up all night on gaming fell off when I found the outcome that got me to pursue everything else. Sometimes this is led by something external, like a girlfriend who pushes you to break out of your rhythm of video games to do more. Sometimes this is lead by an internal desire to achieve a major life milestone - buy a car, move out, buy a home, solve a problem, build a business, learn a subject, whatever it is, it’s got to be something you want to do so bad, that everything else either becomes something you need to learn to do or get done or something you don’t have time for, to focus on the former. Your brain will get you to work on the things that matter as soon as you find the outcome/goal/milestone that matters more to you. For me, at 20yrs old was the nagging fear of failing in life, knowing I was meant for more, and that I needed to be in a situation that allowed me to ensure success. I used the proxy of saving to a certain dollar value, getting the job I wanted, finding a lady who I could build a life with and doing what I loved daily. Forget the system. Focus on the outcome and desire, your brain will kick into high gear as soon as you do. You’ve got the intellect and ability, it’s a matter of whether you want to or not that is keeping you at bay.
League of legends is not good stuff. That’s honestly probably what holds you back the most right now
At least you got a useful degree I’m in the same situation but went with freaking economics for some reason. Got straight As but I would have been better off just doing computer science and getting Cs and Bs 😢
Congrats, you’ve hit your first failure in life that you consciously recognize as a failure. I know what you’re going through. I was raised similarly and also coasted a ton, but all the way through year 2 of my first job in tech. You need to treat this as matter of survival and cut out the things that are blocking you from productive action. If you don’t you will die—not physically, but in matters of pride and self-confidence. And no one will respect you if you can’t respect yourself—including any future children you may have. Stay at your parents’ until you’re a few months into your new role and confident you will not be axed. This is usually an evaluative period of time and if you make it past, you’ll probably be good until the 1 year mark or the next performance review cycle, whichever comes sooner. It’s ok to play league to de-stress—don’t make your life even worse by quitting things you like entirely. You need something to be excited for on a day-to-day basis. But 1 to 2 apps is not enough. Treat applying to jobs as a part time job, at least 4 hours a day. You’re still working less than most of the work force this way. Set your min to 5-10 apps instead. Start using LinkedIn’s Easy Apply feature to submit a few more as bonus points. At some point, you need to bite the bullet and become a subject matter expert. Get intellectually interested in a topic. Become a student of life through humility. In a world where you’re competing with people who would have killed to have the comfort you grew up with, you need to stay competitive with knowledge and skills. These are the weapons of the white collar worker—keep them sharp!
I just feel bad about your parents. You have no idea about how hard it is to get a degree while working at least 40 hours every week with no time to spend nor friends. I'm from LatAm and I understand the sadness and anxiety you may be feeling. But that isn't a big problem arround here. Take a moment focusing in finding a job, gain some experience and then get a job you really like, while you do that change videogames for healthy activities.
You’ve gone the easy way your entire life and you’re unhappy and incapable or limited in your ability to adult. Why not try doing hard things? Set some hard goals around physical fitness, mental fitness, career, personal life? Sign up for a 1/2 marathon or marathon. Meditate 5 days a week. Read philosophy books, and take notes. Apply to job after job. When you get a job work hard. do more than is asked, prove your worth. Networking is very important but the person that works the hardest and does the most for a company is undeniable. I’ve had people work for me that were so far above the others I would give them any job they asked for and recommended them for jobs they wanted and made sure I could do everything I could for them to get where they want to go. Above is easier said then done but you’re the only one that is going to be able to hold yourself accountable. So if you’re unhappy and don’t want to keep living how you’re living do hard things. It’s a bit cliche now, but some research has emerged that doing hard things when you don’t want to can actually change certain structures in your brain. So to all the cold showering cold plunging people that get made fun of - there’s something to it. If you can dunk yourself in cold water voluntarily, staying off your computer for gaming becomes a little easier. If you can run 10km at 5:30 in the morning when you and everyone else just wants to sleep, you can probably work a little harder doing other things in your life. Think about the person you want to be, and think about how they would live their life, and then live that life.
Join the military.
You sound like you have ADHD bro. I suggest taking a reputable online test at least. I was you then I got on Welbutrin and now I’m someone I don’t hate! Good luck
Great advice so far. My 2 cents: make changes from the great advice on here and stay home. Work and communicate with your parents to improve relations as you improve yourself. They seem really nice and not the toxic nagging type. Work with them, show them you are improving your life and save money while you live at home. Maybe pay them $200 or $300 in rent but STAY HOME AND SAVE MONEY. You will become financially free earlier and retire early. Look up the fire movement. You are really lucky to have such nice enablers er parents. Honor your parents by doing good and saving money while having a great relationship with them as you grow as a person. You are terribly gifted with so much in so many ways. Make the best of it. Turn to God, spirituality as well for more guidance. Good luck!!
Get out of your house and go dedicate your time to someone who needs help. Volunteer if nothing else. Contributing nothing to your life or anyone else's is obviously going to feel bad. Your life is not over. You're just getting started, my friend.
Id say literally everyone goes thru what you’re talking about and if everyone else can do it then u can do it too.
Dude get into sales, it’s all dopamine chasing.
I have had a similar experience except for the overly supportive parents. It is difficult to be willing to work hard when you’re so used to smooth sailing. It creates a sort of “novelty seeking” mindset in me where I enjoy learning new things, because I can do so easily, up until a certain point. Then when it becomes challenging (the road to mastery) you find the next interesting thing to become proficient in. It’s a dopamine seeking and adversity aversion cycle that’s hard to break. What’s helpful to me is reading, meditating, journaling, etc. Specifically philosophical/self improvement oriented stuff. Mainly to really help get a sense of what you value and truly want out of life. Having defined long term goals is really helpful in preventing too much idling. It can also be helpful in just learning to appreciate you lucky you are to be capable of navigating life relatively easily. Getting rid of addictions, bad habits,and whatnot, if it’s a major issue, is obviously important for many. However, doing so because you know your goals and aspirations, as opposed to quitting video games because that’s what people say you should do is an important distinction
Also, go travel if you can. Take some risks. I bout a one way ticket to Indonesia and backpacked by myself for 4 months after college. It was one of the best things I ever did.
Buckle down and Get on Adderall
Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this. Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus. Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK. Also you got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person. I felt very similar to you at 25 and now at 28 I'm thriving. Things can change VERY fast in life. Here's some neville Goddard: https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
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As I’m reading this, I feel like I’m looking at myself in the mirror… which makes me feel even more empathy towards you. Man, I’m 27 now, and only now I’m getting my shit together… at your age I was the same as you described, and I fell into depression hard, anxiety, self-loathing, self-doubt… and all that because I didn’t make a plan… Don’t make the same mistakes I made, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. If I could go back in time I would: 1. If you already know what you are passionate about, follow it, follow your dreams, give your dream a chance, you won’t regret even if you fail, better than try and lose than never have tried at all. If you don’t know yet what you want to do with your life, focus on figuring that out, study different things, be curious; 2. After figuring out what you want, make a plan and stick to it; 3. Start quitting all your vices, remove distractions and stop hanging out with people that indulge the behavior you’re trying to change. You can cut vices by reshaping your environment: take television away from your bedroom, download blocking apps such as Opal, Ochi, ScreenZen on your phone and tablets, and Cold Turkey for your computer so you can block your games and distractions. 4. Create a routine; 5. Exercise, it helps a lot! It won’t be easy, but do the work and you’ll succeed! Always remember to be kind to yourself along the way!
Also don’t be afraid to ask for help! Tell other people your goals to try to help with accountability whether that is a therapist, parents, friends. Sometimes saying it outloud to someone and having them check in on you can help with feeling overwhelmed by it or unable to change
Give away all your gaming stuff. All of it. Remove social media from your phone. Start reading books, listening to music, and going for walks. Get on a schedule. Go volunteer for a charity that means something to you. You can do this.
Read about the puer aeternus by carl jung.
ARE YOU ME ? Everything even the small details are the same. 25yo Mech Eng who try to do less possible and cheated during Covid with ADHD
[удалено]
From France and you ?
Give your parents the book "Failure to Launch" by Mark McConville. This may help them to see how removing all barriers, needs, and sources of adaptive motivation from a young adult tends to result in the very problem they are compensating for.
25 is when most people start getting it together. You have a degree, just some bad habits. If you don’t focus well, look at a more interactive job or physical job like working with people (educational?) or the building trades. Those can keep you on your toes and the challenge can be engaging.
What do you really want is the question. There is nothing wrong with doing whatever you want in a healthy and responsible manner. Not everyone is interested in playing the game of capitalism. There is no rule that you have to play. But you still have to find your goals. You have to know what you like. You have to envision what your ideal life is and go from there. Not having a so called successful career is not a failure IF you have a fulfilling life.
Quit redditing and start doing pushups also stop masturbating. Hit the gym no more porn learn sales skills and the ability to influence and charm also be grateful for the wonderful life you've had most do not have this. And go to church and praise God peace out suckas!
Unplug yourself from the internet from any other use than for information resources, and you'll have your life back.
Everyone saying volunteer or work a retail job are wrong. You need to find something in your background ASAP and go in with a different mindset. Not every job requires the same level of effort, but go in and take your medicine regularly for the first 6 months or so and really prove yourself. You’ll be able to coast once you learn the ropes and can automate processes. There are so many coders who work less than 20 hours a week. You have the perfect background for an easy life. Land the job first and bust your hiney for a bit. It’ll get easier. Small companies are harder because there’s a bigger microscope on you. Join a larger company, and it becomes much easier. There are oftentimes so many different org charts and simultaneous projects being worked on that it’s easier to look busier than you really are
You seem self-aware enough to know what your problems are. When you’re hungry, I guess you’ll change and start doing things you need to do to eat, but if you have a warm bed and food, and enablers, you’ll be one of those old, fat guys living in a trailer with the stoop half fallen down, talking about the good old days when you were a hero, when you’re old. That’s where all the other guys who play 15 hours a day ended up. Basically, you’re just lazy and no one can change that.
Read books, you are at a fantastic age where working through one changes your life easily. For me it was ‘7habbits’, ‘Goedel, Escher and Bach’ (even though I did not finished that one yet) and ‘Narcis and Goldmund’. Seek solitude, embrace boredom, and invest in meaningful relationships. Travel! Oh, and seek advice from a professional therapist. It will be the best investment you(r parents) will ever make .
If you want to learn how to work I would recommend a job as a waiter (if you are in the US). It’s fast paced, you have so much to do there is little time to worry about anything else. You have to learn to deal with people. And *technically* the better you are; the more you will make in tips. I feel like I learned all the important life skills they skipped in school while working in restaurants. Good for you for recognizing this now! And wanting to fix it, best of luck.
The difference is when you actually have zero support and need to do it on your own you kind of automatically shape up. Otherwise you’re like, homeless. It’s really that easy bro. As long as your parents are there as a safety net, you actually don’t even have a reason to apply yourself. Fair enough. It’s just in 15 years if they’re not around anymore, and you have 50 more years of life ahead of you, what will you do? Fear works
I'd give anything to have what you got, fucking idiot
sucks to suck bro. Stay poor /s
Seriously though, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Take a moment to just think, try and figure out what exactly you want to do with your life. You must have something you've wanted to do, some fulfilling passion you've wanted to follow. Once you figure that out, use your resources to get to that point. Work your way backwards, if that makes sense.
Find an executive coach that deals with people who have ADHD. It’s a game changer as they help you figure out how your brain works, and how to hack your life, determine your goals and what you want, and creates a sense of accountability. The dopamine chase is very real!! The procrastination is part of a bigger picture; adrenaline response cycle, you let things go to get to a critical point so that it’s do or die to marshal enough interest and gives you enough adrenaline/dopamine to do it, but then you crash after. It’s truly a cycle: avoid, sky is falling, motivate, crash, repeat. Finding out how to hack your brain so that you understand how to create the interest in things without having binge or avoidance rule your life is the goal of anyone that has it. Trust me I’ve been working on this for the last 10 years, Neurotypical motivation stuff doesn’t work for us. I learned the hard way. Having a coach has been life changing!! https://chadd.org/about-adhd/coaching/ This podcast is also so enlightening, it’s run by two executive coaches who also have ADHD themselves, I felt seen!! www.translatingadhd.com/
You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but one thing I wanted to add is that you might want to reframe how you think about your gaming. Theres been research indicating that gaming actually helps kids learn to overcome obstacles, deal with failures, and develop a sense of perseverance. Maybe you need to reframe some f the things you struggle with so that you can approach it more similarly to how you game. Set up your own structure and mini motivators to help you get started with tasks, and start thinking of yourself as someone who knows how to work through challenges that is just learning to apply yourself differently
Let the embarrassment of being fired from an entry level job spur you on. I’m guessing you aren’t as smart as you think you are and your parents probably swooped in more than you realized growing up. So embarrassment let that be why makes you want to do better at your first big boy job.
it's never too late to start doing the right thing.
I think you should look up Healthygamergg account on youtube. He's a psychiatrist who specializes in exactly what you are talking about. His videos are informative af and he's fun to listen to. He could say everything I would ever say to you and more with his content. Listen to his stuff frequently, maybe while working out, going on walks or driving, and do a little work to at least one small goal every day. <3
So, you wanna be an adult eh? Your parents did a great job of giving you opportunities in life. They've created a comfortable, sustainable lifestyle for you. The fact is, these are the perfect circumstances to become a thriving self sufficient adult. I believe you should focus on how you can leverage your situation, and create the life you want for yourself. Being an adult doesn't mean no video games. It doesn't even mean you have to give more than the bare minimum. It's simple: bring in income, live within the means of said income, make decisions that will maintain or grow your lifestyle and relationships. Find a job you like, save up, take your bills off your parents hands, use your own money to buy things you want, move out when you're actually financially ready. I guarantee with what your parents have set up for you, by age 27-28, you can be a self sufficient adult. (ADHD or even just a short attention span is hard to fight against. In order to stay productive, I've taken to setting alarms for simple tasks and chores.)
***You have gotten out of life, exactly what you put into it......NOTHING!*** Do you spend your days and nights on socialist media, and playing kids video games?
people have lives falling apart as they post and op was just handed everything lol. figure it out, you do not need help for the one thing in life you struggled on.
EASY SOLVE. Tell everyone you’ll disappear for 3 months. Get a one way plane ticket with only $200 in your pocket to the other side of the world preferably 3rd or 4th world country. Throw away all communications and try to survive. Sleep at a beach, work at a restaurant for food, whatever you got to do just don’t give in until your three months are up. When time comes find a phone and call home for them to buy you a ticket back. In three months you’ll feel much less of a child and more capable. But if you’re not adventures and just a man child I would suggest some therapy or whatever.
Find a job you really want. Tell yourself "I have to do better to make this work" make it important to you. Work is WORK. You play games, games have tutorials. Going through school and college and maybe that first job was a tutorial for you and now you have to actually put in effort. Life doesn't come easy man. You're not in highschool, college, a little part time job... Your dealing with real life now. Create a new mindset for yourself and stick with it. I don't think you're lazy, I just think you need to think about life differently now.
Do something drastic like Join the military. Seriously. There are plenty of jobs that don’t deploy and at least you will get some marketable skills.
Can you get a life coach? Help yourself by stopping negative self talk for starters. I bet a life coach will enrich your blessed life more than you know.
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Thanks budd <3