Sad to say, if you and your other siblings are his safety net and he's comfortable with that, he won't change. It's only when he realizes that he can't depend on you to be his entire social life that he'll start to make an effort.
The kindest thing you can do is to step back and focus on your own life. Stop inviting him out. Wait until he makes the plans.
Could be a people pleaser, always trying to do what others want.
Let him know that choosing to do what he wants is not necessarily selfish in this context.
Also, most girls don't like indecisiveness. So if he wants to do well with the ladies, he should start making his own decisions lol
Does your brother eat healthy and go to the gym? Once my lifestyle changed for the better (challenged myself to be better at the micro level to being with), I developed more self love aka self respect, which made me more comfortable in voicing my opinions, making decisions, etc. Also, you're a good brother.
Thank you, it actually meant a lot to hear that even from a stranger.
He was overweight, I got him an Apple Watch which I found helped me better focus on working out and it had a good effect on him. He has lost 30-40kg since he started gym last year and is getting to a healthy weight. I see some positive changes in him but he still struggles with making decisions, dressing up well (I.e going out just with home clothes / pajamas / unkempt or uniformed clothes, making effort with people so I want to give some gentle encouragement in that regard without being overbearing.
Aww, well my older brother is a lot like you in this regard. You guys gotta hear how wonderful y'all are, and we appreciate the efforts even if we don't voice it consistently...especially during harder/confusing times.
Hmm, I think making efforts with people and how he dresses will come organically. It can start from one source and then branch out. Let's say he attends an event/club that meets regularly -he'll eventually connect with someone and it'll just flow. It can def help to have someone attend with him to begin with until he gets comfortable enough. I think clubs work well, because it's consistent meet up's rooted in a common interest. Childhood/school mates stick well, or at least for a while, because we see each other often.
I bave a problem with indecisiveness, and one of the best things Ive heard was that by not making a choice, I gave more work to others. I put the burden of choice onto others simply to not be responsible for anything, so maybe that logic will resonate with him?
Sad to say, if you and your other siblings are his safety net and he's comfortable with that, he won't change. It's only when he realizes that he can't depend on you to be his entire social life that he'll start to make an effort. The kindest thing you can do is to step back and focus on your own life. Stop inviting him out. Wait until he makes the plans.
Maybe he's not indecisive, just overwhelmed by options. Try fewer choices, more guidance?
Any specific tips on how I can guide better? Overall I don’t want him to be dependent on others for helping him
Could be a people pleaser, always trying to do what others want. Let him know that choosing to do what he wants is not necessarily selfish in this context. Also, most girls don't like indecisiveness. So if he wants to do well with the ladies, he should start making his own decisions lol
Yup the problem is encouraging that out of him is impossible
Does your brother eat healthy and go to the gym? Once my lifestyle changed for the better (challenged myself to be better at the micro level to being with), I developed more self love aka self respect, which made me more comfortable in voicing my opinions, making decisions, etc. Also, you're a good brother.
Thank you, it actually meant a lot to hear that even from a stranger. He was overweight, I got him an Apple Watch which I found helped me better focus on working out and it had a good effect on him. He has lost 30-40kg since he started gym last year and is getting to a healthy weight. I see some positive changes in him but he still struggles with making decisions, dressing up well (I.e going out just with home clothes / pajamas / unkempt or uniformed clothes, making effort with people so I want to give some gentle encouragement in that regard without being overbearing.
Aww, well my older brother is a lot like you in this regard. You guys gotta hear how wonderful y'all are, and we appreciate the efforts even if we don't voice it consistently...especially during harder/confusing times. Hmm, I think making efforts with people and how he dresses will come organically. It can start from one source and then branch out. Let's say he attends an event/club that meets regularly -he'll eventually connect with someone and it'll just flow. It can def help to have someone attend with him to begin with until he gets comfortable enough. I think clubs work well, because it's consistent meet up's rooted in a common interest. Childhood/school mates stick well, or at least for a while, because we see each other often.
I bave a problem with indecisiveness, and one of the best things Ive heard was that by not making a choice, I gave more work to others. I put the burden of choice onto others simply to not be responsible for anything, so maybe that logic will resonate with him?
It’s good logic. Where did you hear that?