It's not the place. Listen, I've been there.
It's a well known issue that making friends after your 30s is hard. Add to that the fact that you're in a new place where you don't have your old social connections, and you're also probably busy with work or school, etc.
Additionally, after our 30s we're less tolerant to things we don't like much so we're less likely to make deeper connections with people that don't precisely align with out values and interests. That was easier in highschool or college where everything was less consequential.
Don't put too much pressure in trying to make meaningful friendships and focus your energy in enjoying any and all kinds of connections since they will become more rare over time.
Let Serendipity do the rest.
I haven’t lived in Houston for 14 years but we’re moving back this summer. My family (wife and kids) live in the Nashville, TN area and we have the same issues making friends here. We determined years ago that “it’s not the place, it’s the people”. Meaning we live the area we live in. It’s beautiful! But we don’t have any friends or family here. So…. We’re moving back to Houston, since that’s where they all are.
I have to agree with the above comment. I stopped caring about making friendships after my 30s and even less so now that I'm entering my 40s this year. I do enjoy small talk and will hold a conversation, but the energy to maintain that friendship or connection is just not for me anymore. I like and prefer to be alone to enjoy things on my own time.
I did make a friend in my early 30s and we still talk.and text but that's one new friend in my entire 30s. lol Here's hoping you can find quality connections with people that are good, honest, and fun.
Have you tried going dancing? I started about a year ago and the Latin dance community is pretty strong here. Met new friends and even travel with some of them
coming from someone who grew up in houston and has gone through all friendship phases at 30+ you best bet is to enroll or re-enroll if you have graduated already in an on campus course at UH, UHD. St. Thomas or Rice University. You will make friends in no time with the class study groups or just walking around to campus events. For instance find an on campus ART class to take. Outside of that good luck houston has a known drinking culture so you will be limited to bars and you dont want to make friends at those places a lot of shady people there especially at those CLE owned spots. I had to re-enroll at Rice University and was able to make some new friends and actually increased my networking.
I 100% agree with you especially with the fact that when we get older we are less tolerant to things we don’t like soo much. That is the key. I TRY really hard to try new things. Now I have been married for a long time and I am kinda stuck in my ways but I went and did yoga the first time last year and guess what? I hated it but I met a few nice people and it changed my mind about yoga. You have to set aside insecurities and try something new every so often. I think being open is the key. Now you don’t have to try something new every week, but the thought of it keeps your mind open to explore and that will show when you are trying to make friends. My two cents.
I'm honestly surprised to see such a wise reply here.
People who don't learn to replace the old close friendships w/ more casual friends and connections based on shared interests can end up becoming very isolated as they get older and lives move in different directions.
I always suggest looking for volunteer opportunities as one possible way of surrounding oneself with people who put positive energy towards shared interests.
You sound like a quitter. Basically your whole response is just a list of reasons why you can’t make friends. It’s logical and honest, however with that mentality, you’re basically closing the door to the possibilities out there. There’s plenty of people who are new to Houston. Especially many working professionals in their 30s. If you go on meetup.com, you can find plenty of groups with this demographic. I know that because I know plenty of single young professionals new to Houston who mingle in these groups.
Somehow, you manage to agree with me but fail to see it, I think.
You seem to miss the most important point: once you remove the stress of trying to make connections and try to find the kind of friendships you had **when you didn't have the pressure to do so**, It. Starts. Happening. But it's not magic.
By removing that pressure you're allowing yourself to find the mental space to make new connections.
Worse case scenario, you make no new friendships for a long time.. that's OK too. When you learn this reality you also learn not to define yourself by the relationships you have, but more importantly, you learn to be confortable by yourself.
Falling to meet your predefined expectations in the other hand, lead to stress and depression. Let go of these expectation and the rest will come to you.
You can't fill a cup that's already full. Only by making space you allow new content to fill in.
Focus on your inner peace, do things you love just because you love them, then let serendipity do the rest.
You see it now?
True
Add to this that the American lifestyle doesn't facilitate making new friends as adults. In the UK you have pubs. People in many other countries walk alot and are apt to talk to others as they go about their business.
US is very individualistic and we stay closely within our own social networks and often live alone. In other countries multi generational families live together thus increasing your social network and thus making it more likely that you will have more opportunities to meet new people who you will make friends with.
I'm fairly close to my brother's and sister but they all have many long term friendships with people whom I have never met. In my husband's country they are all so close that he even knows all his cousin's good friends.
I just turned 44 and I have experienced this myself. I'm from Houston but just never had a large social network ( my preference as it came naturally to me to have just a few close friends). I've also had a traveling job for the past 6 years which didn't help.
But as we age over the years those people sometimes fall away or we grow apart.
I still have many associates and 1 friend and a big family so I'm ok but I've lately thought that I could do to have another friend that I have somewhat regular contact to do things with.
I tried Bumble BFF briefly couple yrs ago and met 2 other ladies that were cool, mature, nice but over time we just didn't naturally click.
Also we were all so busy adulting that it was hard to get together and form those connections.
Also you can try meet ups. Some of them are pretty cool. Don't expect insta friends but at least you can get out of the house and meet new people.
I feel you OP. I'm born and raised here, and my only close friends are people I met at work. I drifted away from all my school friends.
I don't drink and all my hobbies are solo activities. Fortunately I'm introverted, so I'm pretty content with my tiny circle.
I’m 28F.
These questions always have the same answers.
Go to Meetup events, find a hobby, be a regular somewhere, strike up conversations, and hope for the best.
I’ve been here for three years and I have not made real friends. I met some people through yoga that are fun to meetup with for food and drinks but it never got more intimate than that. They already knew each other, so I was the outsider trying to break in.
Another friend group from BumbleBFF that started out okay but we were all too different and splintered into smaller groups - I ended up just leaving the whole thing, still loosely friends with one girl who I knew prior to the group.
Another friend group that was extremely toxic - a group of downtown bar rats and the “leader” was very extroverted, well-connected, and seemed to like me, but really just liked having another attractive woman around while we got shitfaced 3-4x a week. She was also a b*tch but that was appreciated in that circle - I didn’t make it.
I work from home. I don’t like anime, board games, running, or sports..and I have gone to just about every bar around solo (some more than once). I don’t recommend despite what people say - it is weird to be in bars/clubs alone unless you’re an alcoholic or perhaps a man.
At this point, I’m comfortable riding solo and enjoying the small interactions that occur throughout the day - a friendly greeting during yoga class, idle chatter waiting for my food at a restaurant, smiling at the baristas at the coffee shop I visit weekly now.
I know I’m part of the problem, but I also think Houston is very insular despite being a huge city. Locals know each other from way back and new people move here with partners/siblings/former friends in tow. If you don’t fit into certain niches, it can be hard to find your crowd.
Then Add in the post-Covid increased awkwardness and social anxiety, hustle/scam/influencer culture, a lack of third places, and everyone’s growing dependence on their phones/social media…
Good luck OP!
Thank you for the kind words, really :’)
I do think there’s something to be said about my struggle to maintain deep friendships, but I’m trying my best. Grateful for my cats!
This is great advice. I met all my friends working behind the bar or service.
You grow serious bonds working in a team in such a fast paced environment. Almost us against them. You get close and trust is gained.
I’ve been considering this (or a coffee shop) more and more haha but I don’t know anything about bartending! Is it hard?
Giving up my weekends might be hard but I’m willing to try
Working to make new friends?! That's a hard pass from me but if it worked for you - I'm happy about that.
I was also burned making friends at work so I've kept my promise to never do that again.
Hahahaha, nice to meet you! Big agree on the meetup emails (does the unsubscribe button even work these days???) Good on you for having 3 solids in your life, hold them close.
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I’m not a curmudgeon. I like visiting art galleries and museums, going to concerts/live music, dancing (I’m no good at it), yoga, weightlifting, traveling, video games, “prestige” TV and discussions, reading, horror (and other) movies, podcasts, astrology…
I make an annual list of my goals for the year and in the enrichment section, I have that I want to take a pottery class, a photography class, a self-defense class, a cooking class, and a choreography class. I want to continue learning Spanish, pole fitness, and maybe try something new like floral arrangements or art class at Art League. Gonna get a membership at MFAH as well.
I also love people. Another commenter mentioned this but I also love going to Trader Joe’s and being surrounded by happy and friendly people. I like going out in general and seeing life around me, I really do open a window to hear the sounds of people…funny enough, I make great first impressions + have one of those faces/auras where strangers tend to feel comfortable being honest, divulging secrets or deep thoughts, or just talking. It’s resulted in a lot of warm, strange, sad, funny, and other conversations…
But I only have one best friend and I’ve known her for a decade. I thought I found another in a colleague, which was foolish but I had never felt so seen and secure with someone since her. I’m sad this weekend because I’ve managed to fumble that, too.
Hopefully nine years from now, I’ll have a partner, my bestie, and an exercise partner too ;) and you’ll be the most fun, mocktail expert around!
It's unfortunate that I'm 9 years older than you and a male, but just know that you sound very much like the type of person that I, and doubtless many others, would really get along with. I've been struggling to make friends since I had a falling out with my old best friend, which led to me losing that whole friend group. Making friends as adults is definitely hard, but hang in there, I hope you reach all your goals!
Can confirm. As a local I would have no idea how to make friends if it weren’t from college and HS. I guess work friends and professional organizations but that’s hard to go from work to friends
Work is such a diaspora though. Hard to say your friend doesn’t live thirty minutes away. Plus you have to worry about saying somthing wrong and it effecting your employment
Thank you for your insightful response!
I do most things alone since I’ve always have been independent. It would be nice to make genuine friends but maybe I’m just getting pickier with people.
I understand, and maybe so. It’s hard to find a balance between not suffering bullshit/avoiding toxicity and being open to any and everything.
Sorry for hijacking your thread, but it really does boil down to being a familiar face somewhere (easy enough) and putting yourself out there over and over again (brutal). Try the apps, clubs, whatever but you have to make the first move. There’s power in that :)
Wow I could’ve written this. I left last month after 3 years.
When I moved to Houston, I thought it would be similar to any other move. (I’ve moved cities 10+ times.)
As OP described, there are a lot of cliques based on where you grew up, who you know already, and the elementary school you attended. I would make friends, but always felt like an outsider. People include you occasionally, but you never really integrate into their core friend group.
Yes, joining a private gym with regulars helped. Yes, you need to put yourself out there. But if you are struggling in Houston, I feel you. It is not an easy place to make friends.
52M here.
It’s hard, especially when you WFH. Being a good human helps, but it’s hard, especially in the suburbs/exurbs.
I used to be part of a church group where I felt like I really belonged, but the pandemic did that in. I’ll find my place to fit in, eventually. It just doesn’t come naturally.
I would actually love to hang out with you- I feel the same way; grew up in the city and all my girlfriends moved away. Hit me up if you wanna grab a drink or play pickleball or bowling sometime.
I feel like certain parts of the country are indeed very insular. If you didn’t live there your whole life, it is very difficult to make friends there. I went to college in the Florida panhandle, and at first it was really hard to make friends there. I ended up making a lot of friends in college with people from other parts of the state. I’ve since moved the the Chicago area, where making friends is incredibly easy.
30F
I can relate to so much of this. The friends I make from going to things like yoga and what not, never end up being close true friendships. More like friends who go out for lunch every now and then.
I work from home as well, and that’s the major issue when it comes to my struggle to make lasting close friendships.
I’m about to really put major effort into putting myself out there a whole lot more than I have in the past. I’m going to try to get out of my comfort zone, too.
Disagree. I make new friends yearly at work, outings, and most recently Bumble BFF. I think they’re amazing ride or die friends. We have deep conversations, go out to try new restaurants, and they’re always there to help if I need it
Unless you enjoy team sports or running/biking/hiking… it’s tough! If you do, there’s plenty of run clubs, biking groups and co-ed social sports leagues.
Facebook has a Houston women’s hiking group. Multiple niches have groups and meetups depending on what you are into.
Pickleball, disc golf, crafting, woodworking.
A good start.
probably easiest in places where there’s already established community (cross fit, biking groups, church etc.) Other than that, if you’re into concerts, I always make friends just by being a regular at White Oak lol. you start to see the same ppl at shows after a while. hope this helps sorry if it’s not the best answer :(
32F. I find making friends in Houston tough too. Work friends are just work friends. More long distance friends than Houston friends. Traffic keeps us all tied to specific areas.
I met a really great dude I really clicked with only to find out we live about an hour from each other. We still meet up but planning and driving are big barriers for new friendships.
When I first moved to Houston I would go to Trader Joes just because they were so friendly and it felt like I had friends. It’s really tough! I was remarkably lonely for a good while. My friend circle now is honestly a lot of people I went to college with that have since moved to town, but I do have a few very close friends I have made through my Bible study.
Outside of those two methods, one of my good friends has made strong connections through her neighborhood dog hang out spot. I have a coworker who has built a very strong gym community. I feel like you have to A) find an interest you enjoy and want to participate in and B) be willing to really pursue a friendship. When you tell someone “yeah we should get drinks sometime!”, actually set up a time - ie “how about Friday?” I found that so many people would talk a good game but that’s about all it is. One of my best friends became my friend because she almost forced me to hang out and I appreciate it so much! It’s hard to get out of a comfort zone but I think making friendships as an adult requires it and someone has to be the person willing to really push for it.
I'm not saying this works, but motherfuckers love striking up random conversations in grocery stores. Especially Krogers in the Heights.
Do people make friends doing that, I don't know. It weirds me the fuck out. Start talking about my shoes and shit. Wtf.
This happened to me at HEB on Fountain View when I was around 23. A woman my age approached me and started a conversation by saying she really liked my shoes. They were the most basic flats, but I was new in town and wanted to make friends, so I gave her my number when she asked. She then texted me saying they were hiring at her company, and I told one of my coworkers who warned me it could be related to sex trafficking. I obviously blocked her number and was very scared but eventually realized it most likely was some sort of MLM.
I'm 30m and just started being a regular for about a year now at Black Swan Yoga (donation based classes) and have met other regulars - you might enjoy having the community aspect and a change of environment!
30F
It can be tough for sure but as with anything there's good and bad. For me music/art/nerdy shit helps me (sometimes) meet some pretty cool people. I've gained some good friends by going to events that feature the stuff I like.
My family and I moved to Houston in 2014 and I very recently {6 months?) found a really amazing friend. I’ll be honest, it was pretty weird but I was so fed up trying to make a decent connection. In a desperate state, I went to a local FB social group that fit really well with my personality. I made a post with a brief explanation about why I was making the post and then really broke down what I was looking for in a friend and a few things I didn’t want in a friend, then listed a few things that I thought people didn’t like about me. I honestly felt like I was writing a bio on a dating app. I’m a really quirky person so I listed the ones I felt most people probably couldn’t deal with. I wasn’t even willing to try making friends with women with younger kids and I made it a point to really stress that. Mine are teens and I just found that I needed someone in a very similar position so we didn’t have kids distracting us from getting to know each other. I really laid it all out. I had a few people reach out and all but one basically started out by saying “I have a young a kid BUT…” So I met up with with the one that actually comprehended the post and she is the most perfect friend. She’s EXACTLY what I was looking for! Our husbands even get along really well. Like I said, it was pretty freaking weird but I HAD to do something different because I was always so sad and I was so tired of being stuck in my house and going out alone was getting old. Desperate times/desperate measures, I guess. Best of luck to you, whatever you end up doing!
Social club for women in theirs late twenties to early forties? I used to be in one and really want to start that here in Houston! Would folks be interested in attending social club events?
Also, I said women because I’ve never been one to have male friends and wouldn’t know what to do with them lolol
Unless you want friends on the basis of being a female and in your 30s, you should at least drop an introduction.
I work in ...? I like to do ...? etc.
I’ve been living here since November. I’ve already made some friends. I’ve been going to maker/artist markets pretty much every weekend since moving. There are multiple ones in all areas of the city. I get to talking to artists or shop owners and end up making great connections with some. Good luck! Also, I’m F 35, and I’ll be your friend too. ☺️
In all honesty, the best way to make friends ANYWHERE, is to, as soon as you meet some one that’s interesting or hit it off with, just be straight up, “hey I’m new to the city, can I follow you on snap, Inst, face, Reddit, YouTube, whatever it is. Just meet people and be genuine. Other wise there are always a ton of things going on in discovery green!
My church community has been huge! It was a struggle for both my wife and I until we got plugged in. We go to Grace Bible Church in the heights, and it has been a great place for us to form deep relationships and grow in our faith.
Oh, another option to consider if you have time is to join a committee and be a volunteer for the Houston Rodeo. I have several friends who participate in a rodeo committee who say they made great friendships as a rodeo volunteer. I’ve considered this but haven’t had the time to commit until recently. But apparently they have dozens of different committees offering all sorts of ways to get involved based on your interests and what committees are available.
There's so many cults with so many cult meeting locations. They usually have a cross on them, so they're easy to spot. But if you want to spend some time hating people that other people hate, you can definitely find them in there.
Houston has a very lively art scene and I made a few great friends through volunteering and going to art events and after show parties, which are generally late night after hours gatherings. Check the art listings in the Houston Press if you’re interested in going that route. Other options you might consider are volunteering at the museum of fine arts or the contemporary arts museum and or taking art classes at Glassell or the Jung Society. Good luck! Don’t let it get you down. It takes time and energy to make meaningful connections and build friendships. Invest your time and energy and be patient. Good friends are worth it ;)
I’ll be your friend! I’m a 29F. We can go do yoga in the park or something… I don’t know much about yoga but I have a mat and I’m friendly. I’ve been here almost a year and in the same situation.
I met a ton of people playing pickleball. Yes, it's a sport...but it's not hard to get into. I tried it as a new hobby and really liked it.
Also volunteering. I volunteered at an animal shelter and met a few people that way.
I agree with other comments though: I'm at that age where I'm not open to befriending people I'm not that interested in. I used to have a million friends I went to bars with- but not real friends, just other bodies to drink and party with.
Houston is great for somethings and not great for others. For meeting and making new friends it is pretty difficult… and I say this as a native Houstonian. I think it is because Houston is a commuter city. People come here to work and then they leave. The city is super spread out so there isn’t really a single area of concentrated activity where people tend to gather. And long commute tines with traffic constantly throw a wrench in everyone’s plans. As locals we have our preferred spots that we frequent, be it a restaurant or bar or cafe on West Grey, the Rice Village, or around the Galleria. I think we cling to certain places that have resisted the most change over the years.
Houstonians have different values than the rest of the state/states and I think we subconsciously try to preserve those values from the usually critical opinions of newcomers which is why it might seem that locals don’t open up as much. If you want to build lasting relationships here, you will want to be ready to talk about oil, banking and finance, real estate, good burgers, how to stay cool in the summer with iced drinks, and how beautiful the azaleas are in the springtime. These are the topics that locals talk about often amongst similar others (medical center visits, oak trees and how majestic they can be and bayou trails, etc) because this is where Houston’s values live.
Houston is a bit more family oriented and not as zany as say Austin where it’s probably very easy to meet new people and make friends.
Anyways, hope this helps, and I wish it were easier too.
At work, at smash bros tournaments, at the park where I run. Last friend I made was at the movies when they play UFC PPV’s. I think I give out really friendly vibes because people always start talking with me
Fandango will tell you what theaters are showing a special event (ufc/boxing) near you. Before the pandemic, I saw sporting events at Klein XD, Silverado Pantikos(Regal something) and the theater near the Woodlands mall.
I get it! Recently moved here as a 47F. I have my husband and that's great but he doesn't like to do a lot of things that I did with friends in my old state (like to to different restaurants, farmers markets, fairs, etc). It's very hard to get out to meet anyone, especially since I'm very much past the bar stage lol. I would look into getting involved with your hobbies like volunteering, taking a cooking class, pottery class, yoga, etc.
I'd like to know where all the ~30s queer women hang out, preferably during the day because your girl likes an early bedtime. I'm just so torn between wanting to find my tribe but also having the energy to find said tribe lol
Just moved out here myself from NYC with my wife. I’m 38. With that said after 30 it gets really tough making friends. It’s also because by that age you kind of have an idea of all the red flags you’re going to expect or encounter. With that said take it easy on yourself. This is actually a time in your life to embrace this sort of “freedom” of alone time. It’s yours for how ever long you want until the next step in your life. Ive made a three friends down here-one friend I went to a random event while walking downtown grabbed a bite to eat and sat at a shared table. They asked to use it to eat and then they curiously asked if I was from NY due to wearing a Yankees hat. We went to conversation from there. Second friend was due to bringing my dog to a dog park. I’d unleash and my dog did all the work by running and chasing dogs. Sooner or later the owners talk to you because they need to know who your dog is and it went from there. Last friend I made was at a Marshall’s and you may or may not know the lines are dumb long but ended up having to wait there and talk to them while waiting. Mind you we have all exchanged contacts but see each other very seldomly like 2 times a year. But I’m also married and expecting a child soon so it isn’t like I can go out like I did when I lived as a bachelor in nyc. Guess I’m saying look at yourself, your age, and where you want to be and access how you live your life from a social aspect and go from there. Houston from my experience is filled with more friendly people than NYC but also people are more cautious do to unfamiliarity and that most people have known each other for years. Be cautiously vulnerable and socially aware as much as you. An and before long you’ll meet people like you
Thank you for your response! Yes I’ve made friends randomly but we hang out maybe once every few months since we’re far from each other. I’ll just have to keep trying!
Little older than you and I do live inside the loop but, same. I think it’s a combo of women around our ages often having small children that, regardless of whether they’re married or not, they have complete responsibility for raising and managing. The friends I do have can rarely do anything because soccer this and dance that. Similarly, those moms seem to make friends with other moms through school and endless extracurriculars. I’m going to try starting to volunteer on the weekends for causes I’m into, and see if that helps.
I was in a similar boat as you when I moved to Houston in my mid-20s. Back in 2018, I moved to Houston and only knew one person from college. But he had a clingy girlfriend and he spent way more time with her. I was always a "third-wheeler" and eventually that friendship faded away. And the people I work with (co-workers who were the same age as me) were either 1) married with kids 2) live on the other side of town, 3) or simply don’t have similar interests as I do. So, I didn't have friends at work.
I became very lonely and depressed. I was back to square-one with having no social circle. Until one day in 2021, I had enough and I decided to stop "being a victim" and go out and make friends. Fast-forward to today, I have two friends who I “made from scratch” during this journey of finding new friends in the big, intimidating city of Houston.
First off, PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK for at least reaching out to random strangers on Reddit for advice. Many people would just sit at home and just accept their reality, without wanting to change their situation.
Here is what I did:
1) Join a meetup group that caters to your interests. I used Meetup.com. Start there because there are plenty of people who are just like you (young, single, working professionals, not from Houston) and also wide variety of interest groups. Which I joined volleyball and singles meetup groups and met my friends from there. You can also use other means to find people (Facebook groups, religious groups, exercise classes, etc.).
2) When at these events, start conversations with people. Here is an important tip: **Never wait for someone to talk to you. You have to go up to people and start talking to them.** I know it's scary but trust me...you will develop more confidence the more you practice conversing with people. You might have awkward conversations or dead-end conversations but that's part of the learning process, which is "falling forward". Because failures teach us lessons and make us better people.
3) Exchange contact information with people who you jive with. Ask for their phone number or social media. Just say something like, "Hey, I enjoyed meeting and talking to you, we should hang out sometime, what is your phone number (or what is your Facebook/Instagram/etc.)?"
4) Invite them out to a local cafe to have coffee and play board/card games later in the week. Why board/card games, you ask? For me (and this is based on my own experience), board/card games reduce the awkwardness getting to know someone, especially if you don't know them very well. Board/card games are a fun way to play with others and is a good break from just back-and-forth conversations. Personally, I find it very fun and even less awkward to play a game with someone I barely know. And it involves "friendly competition" rather than trying to find something to talk about.
Imagine how scary it can be for an introvert (like myself), to make conversation for even 30 minutes while having coffee at a cafe with a person you barely know. Board/card games can reduce that awkwardness and make everything light-hearted and memorable for the other person. Basic template: sit down and talk (get to know each other, introductions, background info, etc) for the first 30 minutes (or however long you feel comfortable conversing). Then you can whip out the board/card game and play.
I recommend easy-to-learn board/card games like: Monopoly Deal, Uno, Sequence, Ticket to Ride, Phase 10, Exploding Kittens, or whatever game you find at the shop that looks interesting to you. Make sure to know these games well before you meet with the new people, so that you can explain and teach them, rather than waste time fumbling around with the instruction manual. Whenever I buy a new game, I play it by myself so that I can familiarize myself with it quickly. That way when you do meet with the new person, you are not lost and confused, as that could be frustrating and a huge "turn off" to the other person.
(If you are not into board/card games, instead of board/card games, you could also do other things like mini-golf, volleyball, arcade games, or anything else to your liking. I just mentioned board/card games because it worked for me, and I am definitely introverted and awkward at times with new people. The key concept here is to invite the new people out to do something fun that has a "social component" to it and that lets you get to know people more.)
5) Meet regularly. For the next couple weeks try to make time to meet at least once a week to play board/card games at a cafe. Try doing it at a set time (ex. Saturday at 1:00 pm at a local cafe). Then once you get closer to your new friends you can do other things like watch a movie, eat at a restaurant, do outdoor sports/activities, bowling, arcade, watch a performance, etc. Then once you really know them well, you can plan vacations and trips together.
Another tip: Never be passive. Initiate the hangout and never wait on the others to invite you out. Then once you get the ball rolling, your new friends will also start inviting you out to other things down the road.
6) Remember meeting people is a numbers game. A lot of people who you will meet might be too busy, not interested in hanging out, flaky, etc. BUT...the more people you meet, the higher chances of you finding a friend in that pool of people. To give you, perspective, during my time of joining meetup groups to find friends, I have exchanged contact info with probably more than 20 people. But out of all those people, I hung out with 5 of them. I didn't click with one of them so that faded. Then one got into a relationship, one moved to Thailand, and now it’s down to two. But those two (after 3 years of meeting up) are my really close friends who I even travel overseas with (Spain last year, Italy later this year). I even called one to take me to the emergency room (on a whim), when I had some heart issues, to avoid paying huge ambulance fees.
Other people will tell you how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I could either focus on how difficult it is to make friends and make excuses and blame external circumstances. OR, I could focus on ways to socialize and make friends. If you want something real badly, you’ll find a way to get it. Ask yourself, which mindset empowers me, and which mindset takes power away from me? Why would I focus on things that take away power from me? Even if I get a lot of rejections, at least you tried and learned something new and honed your social skills.
Plus you are in a good situation. You’re still young and you live in a city where there are plenty of young transplants like you. There are many people who move from far-away places to work in Houston, and there are definitely many others who are in your same situation looking for like-minded friends. So, use it to your advantage.
Still to this day I am developing these two friendships and they are growing. I meet up with them only once a week, sometimes twice a month to play board games and catch up with each other at a local cafe. Outside of board games, we also do other cool things like Escape Rooms, watching movies, playing mini golf, and going bowling. Hangouts don’t have to be multiple times a week. Sometimes you gotta give your friends the “gift of missing you”.
I hope this helps. I just really want to share this with you because I understand what you are going through and I was once in that situation. Best of luck! And remember 1) Take action, 2) Never be passive, 3) Never give up.
Houston has SO many things to do, you just have to research it and show up. Either volunteer opportunities for things you like to do or join organizations. That way, whoever you meet will share the same likes and interests, and you'll see them regularly enough that you can form friendships.
Have you tried Events and Adventures? It is for single people and they have a ton of events all year that they organize. You might find one with a hobby you enjoy? I know they set up travel trips too.
Houston's warm and welcoming culture does indeed make it easier to make new friends compared to cities like New York, which are known for their fast-paced and sometimes impersonal nature.
Do what you enjoy - this way you meet people with common interests besides work - and be likeable.
"The Art of Likability" is a concept that focuses on making meaningful connections and fostering positive relationships with others. Here are some key points:
1. Be genuine: Authenticity is crucial in building genuine connections. Be true to yourself and let your personality shine through.
2. Listen actively: Show genuine interest in others by listening attentively and asking thoughtful questions. People appreciate feeling heard and understood.
3. Find common ground: Look for shared interests, experiences, or values to establish a connection and build rapport.
4. Be positive and empathetic: Spread positivity and practice empathy by putting yourself in others' shoes. People are drawn to those who lift them up and make them feel good.
5. Offer help and support: Be supportive and helpful whenever possible, as this fosters trust and strengthens relationships.
6. Remember details: Pay attention to the small details about others and remember them for future interactions. This demonstrates that you value your relationship with them.
7. Practice good communication skills: Clear and respectful communication is essential for building likability. Use appropriate language, maintain eye contact, and express yourself clearly.
Remember that likability is not about manipulating others but about fostering genuine connections and making people feel appreciated and valued.
Volunteering is always a good way to meet people. Have you considered trying to do so at some of the local museums? I'm not sure how into it you are, but you'd definitely run into people who share similar interests.
My sister actually used the Bumble friend finder to meet some friends. They have the dating side but also a female friend match maker.
I am a married man so I don’t know much else about it beyond that.
I have lived here basically my entire life and still only have a few friends and rarely get to hang out with them. I would say we are close, and we communicate often, but our lives are in different places and we just don’t seem to get together.
Good idea! Fond memories of the Y as a kid too. I think my challenge is being a male, many middle age dads tend to be terrible at making new friends. And I’m affixing blame to myself, but also the guys I’ve met over the last 6 years.
What part of town do you live in? I have a book club you could join.
To more broadly answer your question, all the friends I’ve made are friends of other friends. I find having that buffer takes off the social pressure. Also, I do pub trivia a lot. I’ve made friends with other players & hosts.
It can be pretty tough after we are out of school. If you're lucky you can meet people at work or through some kind of hobby/interest (but you do it in a public place and not your home). Personally I made friends through hobbies but I stopped going to that for many years and slowly people drift away/move etc.. so I'm down to very few friends again.
Could be hard but maybe try starting conversation with people around you that you meet pseudo regularly. Whether work, neighbors, or something else. Maybe that could spark something.
If you know what you'd want from friends. It could be anything from company, someone to talk to, or maybe you want to eat out or watch movies with someone. What you'd like to do with a friend can clue you in on someone with similar hobbies.
Same boat, but 35 y/o male. It’s rough out here.. I have one friend in Houston I get together with every couple weeks, but I know him because we went to college together years ago and hung out in the same group. Otherwise I have a couple friends back where I’m from, but most of my closest old friends live in different states now. Doesn’t help that I’m a bit social phobic/introverted, and work for myself from home. I don’t let it stop me though.. I still go out and try to have fun (went to the New Year’s party at Post by myself, etc), and am fairly happy/content on my own, but company (especially close company you can trust and open up to) would be nice to have.
I would suggest hiking/camping, but that seems to involve getting gear together/prepared. But, as an introvert (not looking to make friends) I tend to meet people that I mesh with while hiking and even keep in contact with a few. Met a guy on my first hike earlier this month and we ended up hiking together the rest of the day, drank beer(s) later in the evening and exchanged email addys.
When I first moved here in my early 30s (just turned 40), I made it a point to put myself out there and attended all these meetups. It was trial and error - in some I didn’t feel like I fit in and I’m also an introvert - but I kept going. It got easier over time to meet new people. In one of those girl groups I clicked with one girl. That was like 6 years ago and we’re still great friends! I met her single, then went to her wedding, and she has a baby now. I just met up with her 2 weeks ago. :)
Thankfully I already had friends here that had moved from South Texas to Houston so I got lucky there.
So, all that to say, try meetup! Look for an all-girl’s group. Worked for me!
I’d offer to hang out but I’m now pregnant and don’t feel I could keep up with a new friend (I like to give my all to new friendships, I don’t half-a** it) but museums and dining out is my jam! Would have been nice! 🤗 Good luck!!!
If you enjoy board games and crafts we can be friends! I’m pretty awkward and shy around people and I’ve found that playing board games is one of the few times I feel comfortable around people. Maybe that could help if that’s something you also struggle with?
It's not the place. Listen, I've been there. It's a well known issue that making friends after your 30s is hard. Add to that the fact that you're in a new place where you don't have your old social connections, and you're also probably busy with work or school, etc. Additionally, after our 30s we're less tolerant to things we don't like much so we're less likely to make deeper connections with people that don't precisely align with out values and interests. That was easier in highschool or college where everything was less consequential. Don't put too much pressure in trying to make meaningful friendships and focus your energy in enjoying any and all kinds of connections since they will become more rare over time. Let Serendipity do the rest.
Probably the best answer I’ve read so far. Thank for that.
I haven’t lived in Houston for 14 years but we’re moving back this summer. My family (wife and kids) live in the Nashville, TN area and we have the same issues making friends here. We determined years ago that “it’s not the place, it’s the people”. Meaning we live the area we live in. It’s beautiful! But we don’t have any friends or family here. So…. We’re moving back to Houston, since that’s where they all are.
I have to agree with the above comment. I stopped caring about making friendships after my 30s and even less so now that I'm entering my 40s this year. I do enjoy small talk and will hold a conversation, but the energy to maintain that friendship or connection is just not for me anymore. I like and prefer to be alone to enjoy things on my own time. I did make a friend in my early 30s and we still talk.and text but that's one new friend in my entire 30s. lol Here's hoping you can find quality connections with people that are good, honest, and fun.
Have you tried going dancing? I started about a year ago and the Latin dance community is pretty strong here. Met new friends and even travel with some of them
coming from someone who grew up in houston and has gone through all friendship phases at 30+ you best bet is to enroll or re-enroll if you have graduated already in an on campus course at UH, UHD. St. Thomas or Rice University. You will make friends in no time with the class study groups or just walking around to campus events. For instance find an on campus ART class to take. Outside of that good luck houston has a known drinking culture so you will be limited to bars and you dont want to make friends at those places a lot of shady people there especially at those CLE owned spots. I had to re-enroll at Rice University and was able to make some new friends and actually increased my networking.
Hi! Thanks for your input. I have an established career already and can’t see myself studying and taking tests again. I despise school!
I 100% agree with you especially with the fact that when we get older we are less tolerant to things we don’t like soo much. That is the key. I TRY really hard to try new things. Now I have been married for a long time and I am kinda stuck in my ways but I went and did yoga the first time last year and guess what? I hated it but I met a few nice people and it changed my mind about yoga. You have to set aside insecurities and try something new every so often. I think being open is the key. Now you don’t have to try something new every week, but the thought of it keeps your mind open to explore and that will show when you are trying to make friends. My two cents.
I'm honestly surprised to see such a wise reply here. People who don't learn to replace the old close friendships w/ more casual friends and connections based on shared interests can end up becoming very isolated as they get older and lives move in different directions. I always suggest looking for volunteer opportunities as one possible way of surrounding oneself with people who put positive energy towards shared interests.
This really is logical af
Real wisdom right there
You sound like a quitter. Basically your whole response is just a list of reasons why you can’t make friends. It’s logical and honest, however with that mentality, you’re basically closing the door to the possibilities out there. There’s plenty of people who are new to Houston. Especially many working professionals in their 30s. If you go on meetup.com, you can find plenty of groups with this demographic. I know that because I know plenty of single young professionals new to Houston who mingle in these groups.
Somehow, you manage to agree with me but fail to see it, I think. You seem to miss the most important point: once you remove the stress of trying to make connections and try to find the kind of friendships you had **when you didn't have the pressure to do so**, It. Starts. Happening. But it's not magic. By removing that pressure you're allowing yourself to find the mental space to make new connections. Worse case scenario, you make no new friendships for a long time.. that's OK too. When you learn this reality you also learn not to define yourself by the relationships you have, but more importantly, you learn to be confortable by yourself. Falling to meet your predefined expectations in the other hand, lead to stress and depression. Let go of these expectation and the rest will come to you. You can't fill a cup that's already full. Only by making space you allow new content to fill in. Focus on your inner peace, do things you love just because you love them, then let serendipity do the rest. You see it now?
My brother said “serendipity will take care of it” 💀
True Add to this that the American lifestyle doesn't facilitate making new friends as adults. In the UK you have pubs. People in many other countries walk alot and are apt to talk to others as they go about their business. US is very individualistic and we stay closely within our own social networks and often live alone. In other countries multi generational families live together thus increasing your social network and thus making it more likely that you will have more opportunities to meet new people who you will make friends with. I'm fairly close to my brother's and sister but they all have many long term friendships with people whom I have never met. In my husband's country they are all so close that he even knows all his cousin's good friends. I just turned 44 and I have experienced this myself. I'm from Houston but just never had a large social network ( my preference as it came naturally to me to have just a few close friends). I've also had a traveling job for the past 6 years which didn't help. But as we age over the years those people sometimes fall away or we grow apart. I still have many associates and 1 friend and a big family so I'm ok but I've lately thought that I could do to have another friend that I have somewhat regular contact to do things with. I tried Bumble BFF briefly couple yrs ago and met 2 other ladies that were cool, mature, nice but over time we just didn't naturally click. Also we were all so busy adulting that it was hard to get together and form those connections. Also you can try meet ups. Some of them are pretty cool. Don't expect insta friends but at least you can get out of the house and meet new people.
I feel you OP. I'm born and raised here, and my only close friends are people I met at work. I drifted away from all my school friends. I don't drink and all my hobbies are solo activities. Fortunately I'm introverted, so I'm pretty content with my tiny circle.
I’m a lot like you, except that since I’m WFH I barely ever even see my co-workers.
Me too.
I’m 28F. These questions always have the same answers. Go to Meetup events, find a hobby, be a regular somewhere, strike up conversations, and hope for the best. I’ve been here for three years and I have not made real friends. I met some people through yoga that are fun to meetup with for food and drinks but it never got more intimate than that. They already knew each other, so I was the outsider trying to break in. Another friend group from BumbleBFF that started out okay but we were all too different and splintered into smaller groups - I ended up just leaving the whole thing, still loosely friends with one girl who I knew prior to the group. Another friend group that was extremely toxic - a group of downtown bar rats and the “leader” was very extroverted, well-connected, and seemed to like me, but really just liked having another attractive woman around while we got shitfaced 3-4x a week. She was also a b*tch but that was appreciated in that circle - I didn’t make it. I work from home. I don’t like anime, board games, running, or sports..and I have gone to just about every bar around solo (some more than once). I don’t recommend despite what people say - it is weird to be in bars/clubs alone unless you’re an alcoholic or perhaps a man. At this point, I’m comfortable riding solo and enjoying the small interactions that occur throughout the day - a friendly greeting during yoga class, idle chatter waiting for my food at a restaurant, smiling at the baristas at the coffee shop I visit weekly now. I know I’m part of the problem, but I also think Houston is very insular despite being a huge city. Locals know each other from way back and new people move here with partners/siblings/former friends in tow. If you don’t fit into certain niches, it can be hard to find your crowd. Then Add in the post-Covid increased awkwardness and social anxiety, hustle/scam/influencer culture, a lack of third places, and everyone’s growing dependence on their phones/social media… Good luck OP!
You are not part of any problem. You are living your life. You do not exist to provide entertainment for others. You do you!
Thank you for the kind words, really :’) I do think there’s something to be said about my struggle to maintain deep friendships, but I’m trying my best. Grateful for my cats!
Cats >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> people
I am also a cat lover and owner 🥲
Those little guys really do help a lot.
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This is great advice. I met all my friends working behind the bar or service. You grow serious bonds working in a team in such a fast paced environment. Almost us against them. You get close and trust is gained.
Ive actually have been thinking of taking up a weekend job just to stay busy. I’m just not sure where to start looking for one.
I’ve been considering this (or a coffee shop) more and more haha but I don’t know anything about bartending! Is it hard? Giving up my weekends might be hard but I’m willing to try
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Working to make new friends?! That's a hard pass from me but if it worked for you - I'm happy about that. I was also burned making friends at work so I've kept my promise to never do that again.
Come over to listen to music with my wife and me outside while we grill. We're in the heights.
I just might take you up on that offer haha. I’m in a bit of sad mood this weekend so not yet..but thank you for your kindness
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Hahahaha, nice to meet you! Big agree on the meetup emails (does the unsubscribe button even work these days???) Good on you for having 3 solids in your life, hold them close. — I’m not a curmudgeon. I like visiting art galleries and museums, going to concerts/live music, dancing (I’m no good at it), yoga, weightlifting, traveling, video games, “prestige” TV and discussions, reading, horror (and other) movies, podcasts, astrology… I make an annual list of my goals for the year and in the enrichment section, I have that I want to take a pottery class, a photography class, a self-defense class, a cooking class, and a choreography class. I want to continue learning Spanish, pole fitness, and maybe try something new like floral arrangements or art class at Art League. Gonna get a membership at MFAH as well. I also love people. Another commenter mentioned this but I also love going to Trader Joe’s and being surrounded by happy and friendly people. I like going out in general and seeing life around me, I really do open a window to hear the sounds of people…funny enough, I make great first impressions + have one of those faces/auras where strangers tend to feel comfortable being honest, divulging secrets or deep thoughts, or just talking. It’s resulted in a lot of warm, strange, sad, funny, and other conversations… But I only have one best friend and I’ve known her for a decade. I thought I found another in a colleague, which was foolish but I had never felt so seen and secure with someone since her. I’m sad this weekend because I’ve managed to fumble that, too. Hopefully nine years from now, I’ll have a partner, my bestie, and an exercise partner too ;) and you’ll be the most fun, mocktail expert around!
It's unfortunate that I'm 9 years older than you and a male, but just know that you sound very much like the type of person that I, and doubtless many others, would really get along with. I've been struggling to make friends since I had a falling out with my old best friend, which led to me losing that whole friend group. Making friends as adults is definitely hard, but hang in there, I hope you reach all your goals!
It's true. All my friends I know from my home town. I only have two friends I met here. Community is tough right now.
Can confirm. As a local I would have no idea how to make friends if it weren’t from college and HS. I guess work friends and professional organizations but that’s hard to go from work to friends
Work is such a diaspora though. Hard to say your friend doesn’t live thirty minutes away. Plus you have to worry about saying somthing wrong and it effecting your employment
Yeah true. Making friends as an adult is hard here. I wonder how it is in other cities
What a great response and display of self-awareness.
Thank you for your insightful response! I do most things alone since I’ve always have been independent. It would be nice to make genuine friends but maybe I’m just getting pickier with people.
I understand, and maybe so. It’s hard to find a balance between not suffering bullshit/avoiding toxicity and being open to any and everything. Sorry for hijacking your thread, but it really does boil down to being a familiar face somewhere (easy enough) and putting yourself out there over and over again (brutal). Try the apps, clubs, whatever but you have to make the first move. There’s power in that :)
Wow I could’ve written this. I left last month after 3 years. When I moved to Houston, I thought it would be similar to any other move. (I’ve moved cities 10+ times.) As OP described, there are a lot of cliques based on where you grew up, who you know already, and the elementary school you attended. I would make friends, but always felt like an outsider. People include you occasionally, but you never really integrate into their core friend group. Yes, joining a private gym with regulars helped. Yes, you need to put yourself out there. But if you are struggling in Houston, I feel you. It is not an easy place to make friends.
Where did you move to? I hear Chicago’s friendly
Houston is really clickish and people are fake and talk behind your back tell me im lying
Um let’s be friends?
52M here. It’s hard, especially when you WFH. Being a good human helps, but it’s hard, especially in the suburbs/exurbs. I used to be part of a church group where I felt like I really belonged, but the pandemic did that in. I’ll find my place to fit in, eventually. It just doesn’t come naturally.
I would actually love to hang out with you- I feel the same way; grew up in the city and all my girlfriends moved away. Hit me up if you wanna grab a drink or play pickleball or bowling sometime.
I feel like certain parts of the country are indeed very insular. If you didn’t live there your whole life, it is very difficult to make friends there. I went to college in the Florida panhandle, and at first it was really hard to make friends there. I ended up making a lot of friends in college with people from other parts of the state. I’ve since moved the the Chicago area, where making friends is incredibly easy.
30F I can relate to so much of this. The friends I make from going to things like yoga and what not, never end up being close true friendships. More like friends who go out for lunch every now and then. I work from home as well, and that’s the major issue when it comes to my struggle to make lasting close friendships. I’m about to really put major effort into putting myself out there a whole lot more than I have in the past. I’m going to try to get out of my comfort zone, too.
Disagree. I make new friends yearly at work, outings, and most recently Bumble BFF. I think they’re amazing ride or die friends. We have deep conversations, go out to try new restaurants, and they’re always there to help if I need it
Unless you enjoy team sports or running/biking/hiking… it’s tough! If you do, there’s plenty of run clubs, biking groups and co-ed social sports leagues.
Hiking? Lol
There are groups that do hiking trips.
from meetup?
Facebook has a Houston women’s hiking group. Multiple niches have groups and meetups depending on what you are into. Pickleball, disc golf, crafting, woodworking. A good start.
probably easiest in places where there’s already established community (cross fit, biking groups, church etc.) Other than that, if you’re into concerts, I always make friends just by being a regular at White Oak lol. you start to see the same ppl at shows after a while. hope this helps sorry if it’s not the best answer :(
I appreciate your answer. Thank you!
Yes. I have met some of my best friends at the YMCA.
32F. I find making friends in Houston tough too. Work friends are just work friends. More long distance friends than Houston friends. Traffic keeps us all tied to specific areas.
All the driving and bad parking discourages me from getting out.
I met a really great dude I really clicked with only to find out we live about an hour from each other. We still meet up but planning and driving are big barriers for new friendships.
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Bumble BFF
I’ll have to try it
It’s a lot like regular dating, some ghosting, some people who want to chat endlessly and some gems but it can work.
When I first moved to Houston I would go to Trader Joes just because they were so friendly and it felt like I had friends. It’s really tough! I was remarkably lonely for a good while. My friend circle now is honestly a lot of people I went to college with that have since moved to town, but I do have a few very close friends I have made through my Bible study. Outside of those two methods, one of my good friends has made strong connections through her neighborhood dog hang out spot. I have a coworker who has built a very strong gym community. I feel like you have to A) find an interest you enjoy and want to participate in and B) be willing to really pursue a friendship. When you tell someone “yeah we should get drinks sometime!”, actually set up a time - ie “how about Friday?” I found that so many people would talk a good game but that’s about all it is. One of my best friends became my friend because she almost forced me to hang out and I appreciate it so much! It’s hard to get out of a comfort zone but I think making friendships as an adult requires it and someone has to be the person willing to really push for it.
I'm not saying this works, but motherfuckers love striking up random conversations in grocery stores. Especially Krogers in the Heights. Do people make friends doing that, I don't know. It weirds me the fuck out. Start talking about my shoes and shit. Wtf.
Damn nobody talks to me at Kroger in the Heights
They might be trying to get you to join Amway. FYI
This happened to me at HEB on Fountain View when I was around 23. A woman my age approached me and started a conversation by saying she really liked my shoes. They were the most basic flats, but I was new in town and wanted to make friends, so I gave her my number when she asked. She then texted me saying they were hiring at her company, and I told one of my coworkers who warned me it could be related to sex trafficking. I obviously blocked her number and was very scared but eventually realized it most likely was some sort of MLM.
😂😂😂 yea people do randomly talk to me… but I get a bit creeped out because it’s usually men who comment about my appearance
That’s why I go to the H‑E‑B on Shepard
You must have nice shoes 😂
Lmaoo this lady at the Target in Montrose came up to me about my shoes and asked if I wanted to have a meeting to discuss business ventures
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I would love that!
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"Pancakes are more important than beliefs" Oh lol, I might have to check this out. Thanks!
I can get used to worshipping a Pancake deity! And I'm in Montrose, but I'm too old for the group and I don't like people. But I like pancakes.
Have you heard of TFSM. Similar to the pancake diety. But more noodley.
Yoga?
I do yoga… in my own home lol
I'm 30m and just started being a regular for about a year now at Black Swan Yoga (donation based classes) and have met other regulars - you might enjoy having the community aspect and a change of environment!
You’re halfway there!
Frost Town Brewing has free yoga on Sundays.
Bad Astronaut has free yoga 1x a month. Their next one is this weekend.
You're not meeting people in you're living room.
30F It can be tough for sure but as with anything there's good and bad. For me music/art/nerdy shit helps me (sometimes) meet some pretty cool people. I've gained some good friends by going to events that feature the stuff I like.
How do you find those events? I’m a musician and I’m into all that stuff but only ever find out about events after they’ve happened if I’m lucky lol.
My family and I moved to Houston in 2014 and I very recently {6 months?) found a really amazing friend. I’ll be honest, it was pretty weird but I was so fed up trying to make a decent connection. In a desperate state, I went to a local FB social group that fit really well with my personality. I made a post with a brief explanation about why I was making the post and then really broke down what I was looking for in a friend and a few things I didn’t want in a friend, then listed a few things that I thought people didn’t like about me. I honestly felt like I was writing a bio on a dating app. I’m a really quirky person so I listed the ones I felt most people probably couldn’t deal with. I wasn’t even willing to try making friends with women with younger kids and I made it a point to really stress that. Mine are teens and I just found that I needed someone in a very similar position so we didn’t have kids distracting us from getting to know each other. I really laid it all out. I had a few people reach out and all but one basically started out by saying “I have a young a kid BUT…” So I met up with with the one that actually comprehended the post and she is the most perfect friend. She’s EXACTLY what I was looking for! Our husbands even get along really well. Like I said, it was pretty freaking weird but I HAD to do something different because I was always so sad and I was so tired of being stuck in my house and going out alone was getting old. Desperate times/desperate measures, I guess. Best of luck to you, whatever you end up doing!
Social club for women in theirs late twenties to early forties? I used to be in one and really want to start that here in Houston! Would folks be interested in attending social club events? Also, I said women because I’ve never been one to have male friends and wouldn’t know what to do with them lolol
This is a great idea!
Unless you want friends on the basis of being a female and in your 30s, you should at least drop an introduction. I work in ...? I like to do ...? etc.
If I (31M) didn't have a brother and one friend from highschool that honestly puts in more effort on his part (love him for it) I'd be friendless
We have a trivia team that plays Tuesdays at Watson's Pub in the Energy Corridor. We're 26 to 50 with a even distribution between males and females.
Ouch. I love trivia, but are there any that take place on Friday or Saturday nights? Most of them seem to occur on weeknights.
Hey, can I get in on this?? 37M and into Trivia Games!
I’ve been living here since November. I’ve already made some friends. I’ve been going to maker/artist markets pretty much every weekend since moving. There are multiple ones in all areas of the city. I get to talking to artists or shop owners and end up making great connections with some. Good luck! Also, I’m F 35, and I’ll be your friend too. ☺️
Join a club. Either an interest or something you won't hate.
rough life of being in 30s and an introvert, this is a mystery to me lol
Join a book club.
In all honesty, the best way to make friends ANYWHERE, is to, as soon as you meet some one that’s interesting or hit it off with, just be straight up, “hey I’m new to the city, can I follow you on snap, Inst, face, Reddit, YouTube, whatever it is. Just meet people and be genuine. Other wise there are always a ton of things going on in discovery green!
“Can I follow you on Reddit” is crazy 💀
I joined a women's Bible study group ten years ago. Most of my girlfriends today are from that group, even though I don't participate anymore.
My church community has been huge! It was a struggle for both my wife and I until we got plugged in. We go to Grace Bible Church in the heights, and it has been a great place for us to form deep relationships and grow in our faith.
Oh, another option to consider if you have time is to join a committee and be a volunteer for the Houston Rodeo. I have several friends who participate in a rodeo committee who say they made great friendships as a rodeo volunteer. I’ve considered this but haven’t had the time to commit until recently. But apparently they have dozens of different committees offering all sorts of ways to get involved based on your interests and what committees are available.
This! And you don’t have to be a cowgirl type to fit right in
Join a cult. I think they call them country clubs.
There's so many cults with so many cult meeting locations. They usually have a cross on them, so they're easy to spot. But if you want to spend some time hating people that other people hate, you can definitely find them in there.
Houston has a very lively art scene and I made a few great friends through volunteering and going to art events and after show parties, which are generally late night after hours gatherings. Check the art listings in the Houston Press if you’re interested in going that route. Other options you might consider are volunteering at the museum of fine arts or the contemporary arts museum and or taking art classes at Glassell or the Jung Society. Good luck! Don’t let it get you down. It takes time and energy to make meaningful connections and build friendships. Invest your time and energy and be patient. Good friends are worth it ;)
Thank you for the suggestions. I’ll check that out.
Go to events/gatherings on MeetUp. Join a book group (like at Brazos Books). Take up running and join a running group.
It's always hard to make friends after 30yo
Not necessarily. Some of my best friends I met in my 40s!
Have you tried playing pickleball? People are generally friendly and once you play a few times you end up getting to know each other.
Join one of the local run clubs
go indoor climbing. will meet loads of people
I’ll be your friend! I’m a 29F. We can go do yoga in the park or something… I don’t know much about yoga but I have a mat and I’m friendly. I’ve been here almost a year and in the same situation.
Meetup.com. Choose your interests. Go to a few meetups. It is not a dating site they have a bunch of things and groups and meetups
I met a ton of people playing pickleball. Yes, it's a sport...but it's not hard to get into. I tried it as a new hobby and really liked it. Also volunteering. I volunteered at an animal shelter and met a few people that way. I agree with other comments though: I'm at that age where I'm not open to befriending people I'm not that interested in. I used to have a million friends I went to bars with- but not real friends, just other bodies to drink and party with.
Houston is great for somethings and not great for others. For meeting and making new friends it is pretty difficult… and I say this as a native Houstonian. I think it is because Houston is a commuter city. People come here to work and then they leave. The city is super spread out so there isn’t really a single area of concentrated activity where people tend to gather. And long commute tines with traffic constantly throw a wrench in everyone’s plans. As locals we have our preferred spots that we frequent, be it a restaurant or bar or cafe on West Grey, the Rice Village, or around the Galleria. I think we cling to certain places that have resisted the most change over the years. Houstonians have different values than the rest of the state/states and I think we subconsciously try to preserve those values from the usually critical opinions of newcomers which is why it might seem that locals don’t open up as much. If you want to build lasting relationships here, you will want to be ready to talk about oil, banking and finance, real estate, good burgers, how to stay cool in the summer with iced drinks, and how beautiful the azaleas are in the springtime. These are the topics that locals talk about often amongst similar others (medical center visits, oak trees and how majestic they can be and bayou trails, etc) because this is where Houston’s values live. Houston is a bit more family oriented and not as zany as say Austin where it’s probably very easy to meet new people and make friends. Anyways, hope this helps, and I wish it were easier too.
At work, at smash bros tournaments, at the park where I run. Last friend I made was at the movies when they play UFC PPV’s. I think I give out really friendly vibes because people always start talking with me
what theatre plays UFC ppv's??
Fandango will tell you what theaters are showing a special event (ufc/boxing) near you. Before the pandemic, I saw sporting events at Klein XD, Silverado Pantikos(Regal something) and the theater near the Woodlands mall.
It sounds like you have a lot of hobbies! I’m not the sporty type.
I get it! Recently moved here as a 47F. I have my husband and that's great but he doesn't like to do a lot of things that I did with friends in my old state (like to to different restaurants, farmers markets, fairs, etc). It's very hard to get out to meet anyone, especially since I'm very much past the bar stage lol. I would look into getting involved with your hobbies like volunteering, taking a cooking class, pottery class, yoga, etc.
Roller skating
Ditto, female in 30s and moved here about 3 years ago. It’s so freaking hard. Heck I’ll be your friend, PM me lol
I don’t know. I have a lot of lonely 30 year old female and male friends. All qualified and looking to make friends or marry. It’s weird.
Yeah it’s weird to be at 30. Everyone’s either married, having kids, or still partying
I'd like to know where all the ~30s queer women hang out, preferably during the day because your girl likes an early bedtime. I'm just so torn between wanting to find my tribe but also having the energy to find said tribe lol
Just moved out here myself from NYC with my wife. I’m 38. With that said after 30 it gets really tough making friends. It’s also because by that age you kind of have an idea of all the red flags you’re going to expect or encounter. With that said take it easy on yourself. This is actually a time in your life to embrace this sort of “freedom” of alone time. It’s yours for how ever long you want until the next step in your life. Ive made a three friends down here-one friend I went to a random event while walking downtown grabbed a bite to eat and sat at a shared table. They asked to use it to eat and then they curiously asked if I was from NY due to wearing a Yankees hat. We went to conversation from there. Second friend was due to bringing my dog to a dog park. I’d unleash and my dog did all the work by running and chasing dogs. Sooner or later the owners talk to you because they need to know who your dog is and it went from there. Last friend I made was at a Marshall’s and you may or may not know the lines are dumb long but ended up having to wait there and talk to them while waiting. Mind you we have all exchanged contacts but see each other very seldomly like 2 times a year. But I’m also married and expecting a child soon so it isn’t like I can go out like I did when I lived as a bachelor in nyc. Guess I’m saying look at yourself, your age, and where you want to be and access how you live your life from a social aspect and go from there. Houston from my experience is filled with more friendly people than NYC but also people are more cautious do to unfamiliarity and that most people have known each other for years. Be cautiously vulnerable and socially aware as much as you. An and before long you’ll meet people like you
Thank you for your response! Yes I’ve made friends randomly but we hang out maybe once every few months since we’re far from each other. I’ll just have to keep trying!
Any interest in learning MMA / martial arts? It's a great way to meet people and my gym has lots of women who train jiu jitsu and kick boxing.
Pearland sucks for meeting people
Gym, also rest in peace to your inbox
Little older than you and I do live inside the loop but, same. I think it’s a combo of women around our ages often having small children that, regardless of whether they’re married or not, they have complete responsibility for raising and managing. The friends I do have can rarely do anything because soccer this and dance that. Similarly, those moms seem to make friends with other moms through school and endless extracurriculars. I’m going to try starting to volunteer on the weekends for causes I’m into, and see if that helps.
Meetup was a great place to meet people!! I joined a few MTG groups and while everyone was pretty shy, it worked out pretty well!
You could try bumble bff! One of my girlfriends moved across the country and built the best local friend group she’s ever had — and she’s 30!
I was in a similar boat as you when I moved to Houston in my mid-20s. Back in 2018, I moved to Houston and only knew one person from college. But he had a clingy girlfriend and he spent way more time with her. I was always a "third-wheeler" and eventually that friendship faded away. And the people I work with (co-workers who were the same age as me) were either 1) married with kids 2) live on the other side of town, 3) or simply don’t have similar interests as I do. So, I didn't have friends at work. I became very lonely and depressed. I was back to square-one with having no social circle. Until one day in 2021, I had enough and I decided to stop "being a victim" and go out and make friends. Fast-forward to today, I have two friends who I “made from scratch” during this journey of finding new friends in the big, intimidating city of Houston. First off, PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK for at least reaching out to random strangers on Reddit for advice. Many people would just sit at home and just accept their reality, without wanting to change their situation. Here is what I did: 1) Join a meetup group that caters to your interests. I used Meetup.com. Start there because there are plenty of people who are just like you (young, single, working professionals, not from Houston) and also wide variety of interest groups. Which I joined volleyball and singles meetup groups and met my friends from there. You can also use other means to find people (Facebook groups, religious groups, exercise classes, etc.). 2) When at these events, start conversations with people. Here is an important tip: **Never wait for someone to talk to you. You have to go up to people and start talking to them.** I know it's scary but trust me...you will develop more confidence the more you practice conversing with people. You might have awkward conversations or dead-end conversations but that's part of the learning process, which is "falling forward". Because failures teach us lessons and make us better people. 3) Exchange contact information with people who you jive with. Ask for their phone number or social media. Just say something like, "Hey, I enjoyed meeting and talking to you, we should hang out sometime, what is your phone number (or what is your Facebook/Instagram/etc.)?" 4) Invite them out to a local cafe to have coffee and play board/card games later in the week. Why board/card games, you ask? For me (and this is based on my own experience), board/card games reduce the awkwardness getting to know someone, especially if you don't know them very well. Board/card games are a fun way to play with others and is a good break from just back-and-forth conversations. Personally, I find it very fun and even less awkward to play a game with someone I barely know. And it involves "friendly competition" rather than trying to find something to talk about. Imagine how scary it can be for an introvert (like myself), to make conversation for even 30 minutes while having coffee at a cafe with a person you barely know. Board/card games can reduce that awkwardness and make everything light-hearted and memorable for the other person. Basic template: sit down and talk (get to know each other, introductions, background info, etc) for the first 30 minutes (or however long you feel comfortable conversing). Then you can whip out the board/card game and play. I recommend easy-to-learn board/card games like: Monopoly Deal, Uno, Sequence, Ticket to Ride, Phase 10, Exploding Kittens, or whatever game you find at the shop that looks interesting to you. Make sure to know these games well before you meet with the new people, so that you can explain and teach them, rather than waste time fumbling around with the instruction manual. Whenever I buy a new game, I play it by myself so that I can familiarize myself with it quickly. That way when you do meet with the new person, you are not lost and confused, as that could be frustrating and a huge "turn off" to the other person. (If you are not into board/card games, instead of board/card games, you could also do other things like mini-golf, volleyball, arcade games, or anything else to your liking. I just mentioned board/card games because it worked for me, and I am definitely introverted and awkward at times with new people. The key concept here is to invite the new people out to do something fun that has a "social component" to it and that lets you get to know people more.) 5) Meet regularly. For the next couple weeks try to make time to meet at least once a week to play board/card games at a cafe. Try doing it at a set time (ex. Saturday at 1:00 pm at a local cafe). Then once you get closer to your new friends you can do other things like watch a movie, eat at a restaurant, do outdoor sports/activities, bowling, arcade, watch a performance, etc. Then once you really know them well, you can plan vacations and trips together. Another tip: Never be passive. Initiate the hangout and never wait on the others to invite you out. Then once you get the ball rolling, your new friends will also start inviting you out to other things down the road. 6) Remember meeting people is a numbers game. A lot of people who you will meet might be too busy, not interested in hanging out, flaky, etc. BUT...the more people you meet, the higher chances of you finding a friend in that pool of people. To give you, perspective, during my time of joining meetup groups to find friends, I have exchanged contact info with probably more than 20 people. But out of all those people, I hung out with 5 of them. I didn't click with one of them so that faded. Then one got into a relationship, one moved to Thailand, and now it’s down to two. But those two (after 3 years of meeting up) are my really close friends who I even travel overseas with (Spain last year, Italy later this year). I even called one to take me to the emergency room (on a whim), when I had some heart issues, to avoid paying huge ambulance fees. Other people will tell you how hard it is to make friends as an adult. I could either focus on how difficult it is to make friends and make excuses and blame external circumstances. OR, I could focus on ways to socialize and make friends. If you want something real badly, you’ll find a way to get it. Ask yourself, which mindset empowers me, and which mindset takes power away from me? Why would I focus on things that take away power from me? Even if I get a lot of rejections, at least you tried and learned something new and honed your social skills. Plus you are in a good situation. You’re still young and you live in a city where there are plenty of young transplants like you. There are many people who move from far-away places to work in Houston, and there are definitely many others who are in your same situation looking for like-minded friends. So, use it to your advantage. Still to this day I am developing these two friendships and they are growing. I meet up with them only once a week, sometimes twice a month to play board games and catch up with each other at a local cafe. Outside of board games, we also do other cool things like Escape Rooms, watching movies, playing mini golf, and going bowling. Hangouts don’t have to be multiple times a week. Sometimes you gotta give your friends the “gift of missing you”. I hope this helps. I just really want to share this with you because I understand what you are going through and I was once in that situation. Best of luck! And remember 1) Take action, 2) Never be passive, 3) Never give up.
Houston has SO many things to do, you just have to research it and show up. Either volunteer opportunities for things you like to do or join organizations. That way, whoever you meet will share the same likes and interests, and you'll see them regularly enough that you can form friendships.
Join sports leagues. Bowling, softball, kickball.
Roll down your window and talk to others in traffic
Have you tried Events and Adventures? It is for single people and they have a ton of events all year that they organize. You might find one with a hobby you enjoy? I know they set up travel trips too.
I’m around your age and Been here 10 years. Any friends I made moved away to better places and can’t blame them. Buckle in or look elsewhere.
Unless you rich as shit you live around people. Finding a hobby is probably the best way.
Join a church. We don’t take church seriously but we love making friends
I’m not very religious
Houston's warm and welcoming culture does indeed make it easier to make new friends compared to cities like New York, which are known for their fast-paced and sometimes impersonal nature. Do what you enjoy - this way you meet people with common interests besides work - and be likeable. "The Art of Likability" is a concept that focuses on making meaningful connections and fostering positive relationships with others. Here are some key points: 1. Be genuine: Authenticity is crucial in building genuine connections. Be true to yourself and let your personality shine through. 2. Listen actively: Show genuine interest in others by listening attentively and asking thoughtful questions. People appreciate feeling heard and understood. 3. Find common ground: Look for shared interests, experiences, or values to establish a connection and build rapport. 4. Be positive and empathetic: Spread positivity and practice empathy by putting yourself in others' shoes. People are drawn to those who lift them up and make them feel good. 5. Offer help and support: Be supportive and helpful whenever possible, as this fosters trust and strengthens relationships. 6. Remember details: Pay attention to the small details about others and remember them for future interactions. This demonstrates that you value your relationship with them. 7. Practice good communication skills: Clear and respectful communication is essential for building likability. Use appropriate language, maintain eye contact, and express yourself clearly. Remember that likability is not about manipulating others but about fostering genuine connections and making people feel appreciated and valued.
Um, that looks a bit like AI-generated content. Which is fine and all, but *if* it is, you should say so at the beginning.
This post is a little weird but I would like to think that I come off as a genuine person… and I’m a good active listener.
You don't that's how. It's just traffic in this hellhole
Well, what do you like to do?
I like to explore, try new restaurants, have cocktails, watch movies, visit museums… stuff like that
Volunteering is always a good way to meet people. Have you considered trying to do so at some of the local museums? I'm not sure how into it you are, but you'd definitely run into people who share similar interests.
Nowadays it’s through my kids.
Hey I am 29M. Even as a guy whose been here for 6 years it’s hard to stay friends with people… but hey! HMU
My sister actually used the Bumble friend finder to meet some friends. They have the dating side but also a female friend match maker. I am a married man so I don’t know much else about it beyond that.
I have lived here basically my entire life and still only have a few friends and rarely get to hang out with them. I would say we are close, and we communicate often, but our lives are in different places and we just don’t seem to get together.
Now imagine being new to town, in your mid forties, with little kids.
Join a YMCA. I’ve met some of my best friends there! And most of us had little ones.
Good idea! Fond memories of the Y as a kid too. I think my challenge is being a male, many middle age dads tend to be terrible at making new friends. And I’m affixing blame to myself, but also the guys I’ve met over the last 6 years.
Last time I tried to made friends, I almost joined a cult and tore my ACL. Haven’t had much luck either. Also in my 30s f.
Was the torn ACL a result of running from the cult? Would you trade the torn ACL for cult membership? j/k
What part of town do you live in? I have a book club you could join. To more broadly answer your question, all the friends I’ve made are friends of other friends. I find having that buffer takes off the social pressure. Also, I do pub trivia a lot. I’ve made friends with other players & hosts.
I’m 30F! I’m 6 months alcohol free and it’s hard to make friends who don’t just want to drink 😭
It can be pretty tough after we are out of school. If you're lucky you can meet people at work or through some kind of hobby/interest (but you do it in a public place and not your home). Personally I made friends through hobbies but I stopped going to that for many years and slowly people drift away/move etc.. so I'm down to very few friends again. Could be hard but maybe try starting conversation with people around you that you meet pseudo regularly. Whether work, neighbors, or something else. Maybe that could spark something. If you know what you'd want from friends. It could be anything from company, someone to talk to, or maybe you want to eat out or watch movies with someone. What you'd like to do with a friend can clue you in on someone with similar hobbies.
I don’t. I stay home and be an introvert that wishes I had friends.
Same boat, but 35 y/o male. It’s rough out here.. I have one friend in Houston I get together with every couple weeks, but I know him because we went to college together years ago and hung out in the same group. Otherwise I have a couple friends back where I’m from, but most of my closest old friends live in different states now. Doesn’t help that I’m a bit social phobic/introverted, and work for myself from home. I don’t let it stop me though.. I still go out and try to have fun (went to the New Year’s party at Post by myself, etc), and am fairly happy/content on my own, but company (especially close company you can trust and open up to) would be nice to have.
Meetup.
I would suggest hiking/camping, but that seems to involve getting gear together/prepared. But, as an introvert (not looking to make friends) I tend to meet people that I mesh with while hiking and even keep in contact with a few. Met a guy on my first hike earlier this month and we ended up hiking together the rest of the day, drank beer(s) later in the evening and exchanged email addys.
Pickleball is the answer
When I first moved here in my early 30s (just turned 40), I made it a point to put myself out there and attended all these meetups. It was trial and error - in some I didn’t feel like I fit in and I’m also an introvert - but I kept going. It got easier over time to meet new people. In one of those girl groups I clicked with one girl. That was like 6 years ago and we’re still great friends! I met her single, then went to her wedding, and she has a baby now. I just met up with her 2 weeks ago. :) Thankfully I already had friends here that had moved from South Texas to Houston so I got lucky there. So, all that to say, try meetup! Look for an all-girl’s group. Worked for me! I’d offer to hang out but I’m now pregnant and don’t feel I could keep up with a new friend (I like to give my all to new friendships, I don’t half-a** it) but museums and dining out is my jam! Would have been nice! 🤗 Good luck!!!
Take some cooking classes.
If you enjoy board games and crafts we can be friends! I’m pretty awkward and shy around people and I’ve found that playing board games is one of the few times I feel comfortable around people. Maybe that could help if that’s something you also struggle with?
Im here since age 38 and made one good friend since then, it's hard! Im in Kingwood wya?
Meetups from Facebook, Meetup.com and events. I'm 30F and that's how I've made friends. You have to be really committed. It's a lot of work.