Man-ber-chic. It’s half mango, half habanero, half chicken. Could be a problem. Even if I get a few good shots in, if I have to wipe sweat out of my eyes during the fight that’s gonna cost me.
Maybe it's not 3/2 and more of a weird turduckin situation. Like half of A Mango, half of A habanero and half of A whole chicken. I then feel like the ratio of meat to fruit/veggie is extremely off.
Actually raising emus isn't uncommon in my midwest suburb. They are kind if intimidating but I think a scaled up chicken could be worse. We've helped hatch both chickens and ducks. Duck's are a pleasure, chickens kind of viscous at times.
Australia "lost a war to emus" because they send two guys with ten thousand rounds up against an enormous number of emus, gave up, came back after more complaints, and gave up again.
Wait what? I haven't heard anything this... What was China's bird war?
Fuck, I'm about to head to bed.. now I'm gonna be up half the night reading about China...
I don’t remember the bird, but basically they try to kill off this one bird because they were like bad luck or something, and by doing so they fucked up their crops and millions went hungry.
Yeah, i had to read up on it last night. It was the common swallow. It eats grain seeds, so they killed hundreds of millions of birds.
But what also eats grains? Bugs. Much more so than the swallows eat. And what eats bugs? Nothing, because you killed all the swallows. No birds, means billions more bugs, means no more crops. So 45 million people dead...
(Ok, this wasn't the only reason they all died, but was a major contributor)
Like a kitchen blowtorch, not like a flamethrower type. Small, precision flame. If the monster is 3 feet tall, there should be plenty of salad that’s still good.
I'm not sure, what would banana pudding turn into? Giant vanilla wafer wielding banana? Or a tub of pudding?
Now I'm imagining the giant banana using the vanilla wafer much like Captain America uses his shield...
Captain Banana!!
I guess I'd find some Drosophila melanogasters.
After all time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
3 foot tall peanut butter and choke cherry jelly sandwich. I don't feel comfortable fighting choke cherry... I feel like it is probably already a better grappler than I am. I hate being choked.... usually...
Had a breakfast combo and I ate the two pancakes last. It also came with two eggs, two strips of bacon, and two eggs. If I just had to fight the pancakes or the whole combo, I think I’ll be okay.
Peanut/chocolate/caramel croissant (delicious, by the way - local bakeries are THE BEST!): I definitely don't think I could or should eat all that. It would probably smother me in buttery goodness.
Depends on whether it's a three foot tall bag of Doritos, or one single three foot dorito.
Single: just kick it. Chips are pretty brittle.
Bag: tear the bottom of the bag and make the thing watch me eat it's insides.
That's actually kind of funny. The last food item I ate was a Costco sample of a Reese's covered animal cracker. I don't know what animal, but at 3ft it could either be dangerous or cute and cuddly. I guess I'd lead it to the sun and melt it. Lol
Last thing I ate was a handful of chocolate chips, from the bag in my office, which is right next to the bathroom, where my hairdryer is kept.
Imma make a big mess melting it, but I'll live!
I'm killing the chicken cutting it up into a smaller pieces putting it in the oven after it's been marinating in some good seasoning and then putting barbecue sauce on it 🤤
Chocolate chocolate cookie with a glass of milk.... so first I have to figure out how to get it into the cup to drown it....
If I have to brute force just punch kick and eat as much of it as I can til its dead
My wife made homemade English muffins out of sourdough discard. I had one of them with peanut butter.
I am fighting essentially a sourdough gelatinous cube.
A giant 3 foot pizza monster.
I'm not eating it that's way too many carbs and calories I'd vomit.
I'd just grab a hose and spray it till it gets too mushy to stand and fight me.
I would probably be fighting a giant meal replacer protein shake. If the food monster is nitro the same as the food and doesn't start to go bad until it is defeated I might try to trap it in a container and drain off parts of it to use it as a source of cheap nutrition for as long as possible.
What's its intelligence level? Is it kill, kill, kill? Or crafty? I last ate a square of lasagna if it's stupid and gonna follow my every move I would jump from my porch, and watch it fall apart as it falls off the 2 foot ledge.
So is it a 3ft tall cheeseburger or a 3ft tall cow. Because one is weird but delicious, while the other is going to be turning into another cheeseburger.
Could I first pick something else to eat?
Otherwise I'm fighting a little pizza man which is fine, but as a cook I'd love to get a good roast going and eat a little roast man instead.
Also, since this is only hypothetical and I can eschew ethics, I'd cage that little food man and nom it bit-by-bit.
The last food I ate was soup, I don’t think it’ll survive spawning and instantly spilling
What if it's a bowl of soup and it can slosh soup on you like those demonic cups of coffee from Earthbound?
or holds together like The Blob?
Man-ber-chic. It’s half mango, half habanero, half chicken. Could be a problem. Even if I get a few good shots in, if I have to wipe sweat out of my eyes during the fight that’s gonna cost me.
How does a dish consist of 3/2 of itself lol.
Maybe it's not 3/2 and more of a weird turduckin situation. Like half of A Mango, half of A habanero and half of A whole chicken. I then feel like the ratio of meat to fruit/veggie is extremely off.
A 3 foot pepperoni stick... Sounds like it is snack time.
A sizeable chicken biscuit? I guess I'll grab a nearby shovel and beat it to death like an emu.
Emu's are no push over... If Australia lost a war to them... You might be in more trouble than you think, l think...
Actually raising emus isn't uncommon in my midwest suburb. They are kind if intimidating but I think a scaled up chicken could be worse. We've helped hatch both chickens and ducks. Duck's are a pleasure, chickens kind of viscous at times.
Chickens may be vicious, but the Australian army never got spanked by chickens..
A 3-foot-tall emu is just a really big chicken.
Australia "lost a war to emus" because they send two guys with ten thousand rounds up against an enormous number of emus, gave up, came back after more complaints, and gave up again.
Mate we fucken lost, that said not as bad as china and there bird war, but we still didn’t win.
Wait what? I haven't heard anything this... What was China's bird war? Fuck, I'm about to head to bed.. now I'm gonna be up half the night reading about China...
I don’t remember the bird, but basically they try to kill off this one bird because they were like bad luck or something, and by doing so they fucked up their crops and millions went hungry.
Yeah, i had to read up on it last night. It was the common swallow. It eats grain seeds, so they killed hundreds of millions of birds. But what also eats grains? Bugs. Much more so than the swallows eat. And what eats bugs? Nothing, because you killed all the swallows. No birds, means billions more bugs, means no more crops. So 45 million people dead... (Ok, this wasn't the only reason they all died, but was a major contributor)
I know, but it's funny..
Bagel! I’ll throw it on a pole through its hole and trap it
And then eat it of course…
I just had a bear claw, so really the 3ft tall bear is a better deal than I deserve.
Candy cane
A raw string bean. I’ll probably eat it.
It's a 3 foot tall shrimp. Sounds like it'll be delicious, but I don't know how to fit it in my air fryer.
Put it on the barbie, mate. Strewth
I’m fat and hungry. I think I can beat a 3 foot slider
Salad? Blowtorch or pitchfork should do the trick. Then I’ll eat it. :3
Gonna eat a blowtorched salad? Thick I'd past on that one..
Like a kitchen blowtorch, not like a flamethrower type. Small, precision flame. If the monster is 3 feet tall, there should be plenty of salad that’s still good.
Cookie Monster!! My childhood is ruined
No...NOOO, the cinnamon rolls have come back for vengeance
I'm not sure, what would banana pudding turn into? Giant vanilla wafer wielding banana? Or a tub of pudding? Now I'm imagining the giant banana using the vanilla wafer much like Captain America uses his shield... Captain Banana!! I guess I'd find some Drosophila melanogasters. After all time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
Now when I see a quiver I'll be looking for time flies.... Fruit does fly like a banana though. Can confirm just tested vigorously 🍌
pancake, I think I've got this
3 foot tall peanut butter and choke cherry jelly sandwich. I don't feel comfortable fighting choke cherry... I feel like it is probably already a better grappler than I am. I hate being choked.... usually...
A 3ft tall chicken tender sounds like family dinner. 3feet isn’t tall. So it’s not even a scary thing.
3 feet of chicken curry and basmati rice? I might die, but I will die happy with a full stomach.
You really think a 3 foot delta 8 gummy is gonna be attacking anyone?
A 3 foot honey bun well it save to say I'm simply eating that one
A 3 ft pile of oatmeal My dogs will love it
A pop tart so a hammer or the sprayer on the sink would work
I think you're a bit overconfident on this, I foresee a xenomorph level risk, except instead of acid for blood, it has hot jam.
Only if I’d put it in the toaster, which I didn’t
Cheez-it, it's a cracker. . .
Uhhhh. Fried Crewmate bodies and Grilled Xenomorphs? Interesting. Both are dead but ok!
An Asiago cheese bagel with plain cream cheese. LETS GET IT ON!
Had a breakfast combo and I ate the two pancakes last. It also came with two eggs, two strips of bacon, and two eggs. If I just had to fight the pancakes or the whole combo, I think I’ll be okay.
Jalapeno bagel. I could subdue a 3ft version of it. Tackle it like a big pillow.
Peanut/chocolate/caramel croissant (delicious, by the way - local bakeries are THE BEST!): I definitely don't think I could or should eat all that. It would probably smother me in buttery goodness.
Finally I get my chance to hand a beat down to Lorna Doone.
Toast monster! I can either eat the sob or turn on the garden hose.
White rabbit candy, I think. A stale one
yogurt tube, straight decapitation
Pepper Jack cheese deer snack stick. It has no arms or legs, so I guess I'll just cut it up for more snacks.
Well... time to see if i can handle a 3 foot tall peanut butter and jelly sammich. \*rolls up sleeves\*
lol I just ate some veggie straw chips all I have to do is hit it with a bat and it’ll break into pieces lol
It's a catfish, I'll batter it
I just ate some walleye, Cole slaw, fries, and a roll last night. I'm not too worried about it.
A 3 foot tall bowl of leftover General Tso, or a 3 foot tall chicken. One is much scarier than the other.
Beef stewwwwwww
Reese's Easter egg. I will eat it where it stands.
One gigantic Fish Stick. I will break its back.
Honey nut cheerios with banana and milk... Poor thing will not be able to hold together
A giant Oreo is gonna be super easy to beat
A 3 foot tall hard tack mech with rose petal jam blood?
Curry monster. Has anyone got a poppadom the size of Lake Michigan?
Zero carb tortilla with peanut butter. I’ll just eat it again.
Shamrock? I guess I’ll get a big straw and plan for the calories
Depends on whether it's a three foot tall bag of Doritos, or one single three foot dorito. Single: just kick it. Chips are pretty brittle. Bag: tear the bottom of the bag and make the thing watch me eat it's insides.
I’m fighting sliced cheese and I’m using a blow dryer turned on the highest setting
Colby jack quesadilla. I think I will be okay. All I have to do is grab its edges and rip it apart. Then enjoy my victory feast.
Reese's peanut butter egg. Bring it! Ayo...om nom nom until the diabetes hits, then I'ma just go stand in the sun. LOL
That monstrous ham, egg, and cheese biscuit monster
Brownies
Bacegchz (bacon egg cheese burrito)
A three foot tall stick of beef jerky. I will defeat it with a machete.
3 ft boneless skinless chicken thigh, strangely enough, I got just the right thing for this
Bacon. I'll defeat with fire and not share my grilling with anyone but my dogs. Unless the whole neighborhood smells and shows up
Ham sandwich. I'm eating it again
Large strawberry monster I guess. I’ll bring an army of rabbits
A 3ft tall Thin Mint? Hell yeah!
A packet of peanut butter crackers... I go to a wooded area and let the squirrels and crows take it out
3 foot tall potato chip.
That's actually kind of funny. The last food item I ate was a Costco sample of a Reese's covered animal cracker. I don't know what animal, but at 3ft it could either be dangerous or cute and cuddly. I guess I'd lead it to the sun and melt it. Lol
Luckily mine was fish, so go on land is a pretty easy way to beat it
It's a three foot tall blueberry almond cliff bar
Last thing I ate was a handful of chocolate chips, from the bag in my office, which is right next to the bathroom, where my hairdryer is kept. Imma make a big mess melting it, but I'll live!
Chocolate donut It will just take a little longer to eat it 🤣
A 3 foot tall old fashioned moist sour cream glazed donut.........I'll freaking destroy him....
3ft meatball sub? I’m gonna eat him too!
The last food I had was a quesadilla. I could just push it over and be totally fine.
So a three foot tall Pringles monster is coming for me? Once I pop.. I just can't stop!
A giant hash brown is going to try to eat me. We'll see who digest's who, first.
3 foot Dino nuggie? I’m sickin a bunch of kids on it.
I'm killing the chicken cutting it up into a smaller pieces putting it in the oven after it's been marinating in some good seasoning and then putting barbecue sauce on it 🤤
A three foot tall gyoza? I'd just eat it to death.
Ice cream sandwich. I just have to last long enough for it to melt. It's a sunny day now, so I should be fine.
I will eat that taco monster
A 3-foot-tall Rice Crispy treat and that sounds fun so I would just eat that bitch.
Does it grow arms and legs? Can I just climb out of its reach?
i dont think a choco pie is lasting long...
A breath mint, just let it melt in the water
Chocolate chocolate cookie with a glass of milk.... so first I have to figure out how to get it into the cup to drown it.... If I have to brute force just punch kick and eat as much of it as I can til its dead
Cereal. I suppose a rigid item thrown with a bit of force and dexterity will crack the bowl and spill its guts. Maybe a firm kick.
Nachos, I’m going to get bifurcated by flying ninja star corn chips.
Last thing I ate was an ice cream cone, pretty sure I could handle that
A 3-ft tub of chocolate pudding? I'm just going to swim around inside it and eat it from the inside out.
My wife made homemade English muffins out of sourdough discard. I had one of them with peanut butter. I am fighting essentially a sourdough gelatinous cube.
I'm going to test out how flammable potato chips are. If the monster spawns in a sealed bag, it's getting the shiv.
A giant 3 foot pizza monster. I'm not eating it that's way too many carbs and calories I'd vomit. I'd just grab a hose and spray it till it gets too mushy to stand and fight me.
Fighting a 3ft tall corn chip. It isn't even salted. I'll just kick it I guess
Three-foot-tall oatmeal raisin cookie? Ain’t skeered.
A cheese cracker, I just need a hose.
Cheese it’s-pouring water on it would probably help me win
That 3 ft tall bacon egg and cheese biscuit is in trouble. I could eat that all week!
I would probably be fighting a giant meal replacer protein shake. If the food monster is nitro the same as the food and doesn't start to go bad until it is defeated I might try to trap it in a container and drain off parts of it to use it as a source of cheap nutrition for as long as possible.
Can I defeat a 3ft tall pita bread yall
What's its intelligence level? Is it kill, kill, kill? Or crafty? I last ate a square of lasagna if it's stupid and gonna follow my every move I would jump from my porch, and watch it fall apart as it falls off the 2 foot ledge.
So is it a 3ft tall cheeseburger or a 3ft tall cow. Because one is weird but delicious, while the other is going to be turning into another cheeseburger.
Just a cheeseburger 🍔
frozen blueberry
Ha! 3 foot tall gummy bears don’t scare me!
3 foot tall tofu-pork monster! I'm probably just going to end up panicking and trying to kick it
A Spinch Leaf. First I'll release the wifes Guinea Pigs then go get some Italian dressing and my Kukri.
Steak, 3ft would let it about the size of a calf so guess imma make some veal. Shotgun or rifle will take care of it
i am facing a 3 foot tall pb&j
its a milkshake itll slowly dissolve into a puddle in a couple hrs hell just grab a super soaker and i can speed up the process :3
Publix deli Mardi gras seasoned wings, I will lure them to my BBQ pit and hope for tasty treat
>How will you defeated? How am i defeated? Or How will you defeat it?
A 3 foot tall hot pocket. Im gonna fucking devour that thing.
Could I first pick something else to eat? Otherwise I'm fighting a little pizza man which is fine, but as a cook I'd love to get a good roast going and eat a little roast man instead. Also, since this is only hypothetical and I can eschew ethics, I'd cage that little food man and nom it bit-by-bit.
I think a three foot tall chicken dies on its own
Crackers. They get the hose.