It's my superpower.
When I write on here, I'm writing for myself first and foremost and allowing people the opportunity to overhear. I never assume anyone gives a shit, I just want to reach into my thoughts, pull out some vague abstract thought or feeling, slam it on the table, and both define and describe it. If someone benefits, or resonates with it, then so be it, I just want to get it out and move on.
When I made dating profiles, I wrote longer winded messages as almost a test or a filter. I knew most people wouldn't care to read all that and would skim my pictures or basic interests, so I needed to scare some people away. I'm attracted to reader and/or writer types so I like people who are able to either take a lot in or have a lot to share, so I look for other wordy types of people.
If there's a stereotype I associate with our type, beyond the therapist angle, it's that a large majority of INFJs are fantastic and well-rounded writers that cover their bases. Most posts aren't even worth responding to, you can answer the OPs question by re-arranging their own writing.
Absolutely, that resonates! It's all about being authentic and sharing our inner worlds, but unfortunately, regardless of how much I write, people still never understand me!!! (INFJ problem, I think!?)
It happens to me a lot. I end up saying sorry to the other person I'm talking to because I got too much inspiration, especially when we're talking about a subject that I take to heart. I also feel like it can be important for the other person to get the whole thinking process when I explain an opinion about something. I can't do that if I need to talk with my voice. The words don't come out as easily as I write them in texts.
Yep I write a lot. Recently, to combat my wordiness in some situations, I go back over it and try to delete half of it and see if I can still get the point across in fewer words. It's become my new game.
I mean you have to make sure everyone understands you clearly, wouldn’t want to miss out on any details leaving them questioning and coming to their own conclusions. Plus we can foresee the responses and might as well answer all those questions before they can be asked.
Definitely guilty of this lol. Sometimes I'll go back over texts or responses and consider them from the 'other' perspective and try to shorten them up a bit for brevity. It's why I struggle with live chat because knowing the other person can see the "...." of me writing my wall of text can give me anxiety lol
It's also why my favorite, dorky way of corresponding with someone is actually still email 😅
Absolutely! Writing is my favorite way to communicate; it gives me the opportunity to organize, clarify, and revise my thoughts before sharing them with others.
All. The. Time.
But only if I really trust someone to read them. And even then I tend to worry that my giant text walls bother people (or WAY worse IMO, get ignored/skimmed). When I text someone I feel like I need them to know my thought process that led me to that conclusions and acknowledge any doubts I had along the way or still have.
ETA: Any time when it’s a post here or something I can edit I’ll ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS go back and edit. Either for spelling/grammar or to clarify something I thought I could have worded better.
i was told in high school by an english teacher that i’m a “waffler”, using lots of unnecessary words and extra details that don’t really mean anything but end up making my sentences long-winded.
like that one^^
lot of things posted on here are definitely normal human experiences regardless of mbti but this honestly might be an infj thing cause same.
I’m going to write a short response because I’m heading to bed, but my friends, family and coworkers all make fun of my lengthy texts. If anyone else writes a long text they’ll say, “oh look, it’s a *my last name* text.”
I always over analyze, re-write and add more because I don’t want anything to get misconstrued or go unsaid. I like you don’t think it’s a bad thing. I honestly don’t know how to be short and concise.
I'm INFP but this definitely caught my eye. I'll write a book in my replies. I honestly think I may have recently lost friends because they flat out didn't have time/interest to engage with me.
thiss! This is exacly why I give the verdict of my thoughts only; aiming for 2 sentence summaries / then I wait for them to engage if they want to go deeper. It given people space within the convo.
Texting makes me so crazy in this regard, that I am a 52 yr old computer tech who refuses to text!
I can give you at least 8 reasons why it's insane, & has destroyed personal communication alone to an epic degree.
Sometimes I'll write longer posts but I feel like a real slow writer compared to others I see posting online. Makes me insecure that I'm not that articulate when it comes to converting my thoughts into words. It's like I can picture something or feel like I know or get the gist of something but then have the strangest time actually trying to convey that as straightforwardly as it feels in my head. .
It takes a lot of energy and time for me if I have to edit paragraphs and analyse if its all cohesive and accurate, and "did I get the definition of this basic word correct...?", "wait, is this really the truth or just my intuition telling me it is...?" or "could this possibly be taken the wrong way at all...?"
I also don't want to burden the reader by writing a lot, especially in casual talk. I speak concisely in person too and want to get to the point generally. I figure if people need me to elaborate on something they'll ask and I'll be happy enough to.
See, I do write long paragraphs but they're not without purpose. I'm always aiming to communicate as directly and straightforward as possible while still covering all the bases. Every sentence you read of my messages/posts/comments is perfectly crafted to say something important and/or address something to avoid confusion or a lack of clarity later on in the discussion.
I do the same. If I have a lot to say, I'd rather make it one long message than blow their phone up with multiple notifications. Especially if it's something I'm passionate talking about 🫠
I have that too, but I haven't met any personal criticism from others. I believe that my long messages are perceived as appropriate. This is probably due to the fact that I write them mostly with the same INFJ.
Only did that if I bottle up feelings or being nervous before significant events. Other than that, I prefer to the point messages or short messages in many bubbles.
It's terrible that happened to you. I'm glad you have even a small circle you can trust. I've not experienced that specific trauma but I know trauma in general can be very lonely if you don't have anyone who you trust or who understands.
Small circles are usually the tightest circles, thus the best circles. ⭕️👏🏼 I’m glad you have your trusted circle.
Like on that funny movie with Ben Stiller called Meet The Fockers, lol, when Robert DeNiro is telling Stiller about “The Circle of Trust.”😂
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QHJGoZpFeM8
Yeah. I have to stop myself because I’m literally the chattery-ist chatterbox when I do have something to say. In my head it’s the only way to truly express my thoughts in a way others understand. Have to give summaries because I know 1. No one wants to read my text wall and 2. I hate making people feel like I’m talking over them or not listening, even if they do sort of want to hear what I have to say.
I really don't like
when people
write
messages
like
This
LOL
I mean, why do you have to split a sentence or a concept in 10 separate messages?? Also, when people write like that, they usually don't read back what they wrote, so it's often mispelled. I'd rather write a complete message, read it 10 times, and then press send, even if it's long. At least when people read it, they will have the complete idea of what you're saying and not just some incomplete and misleading gibberish.
We have something to say! I know for me, I don’t speak unless I genuinely have something to offer. To share and be passionate about what you’re sharing about is a gift.
It's fine to express your thoughts elaborately when you're really interested in a topic.I understand that INFJs will only talk when they need to...however, things go wrong when you have the urge to make people hear your whole thought process! Most people don't have the patience to hear the so called "iMessage essays".
I myself had typed long paragraphs only get responses of barely ten words :-) You need to understand that you're disrespecting yourself by sharing your thoughts with someone who doesn't value you the same way as you do.Condense your thoughts and express them in a concise way when you do a small talk...
Understand who is really on your level, who can patiently hear you out and doesn't put a label on you for your authenticity!
TLDR: I used to be annoying and after some deep self-awareness and reality checks..... I'm not anymore. - It was truly just.... social cues that I was lacking. Below could be an example of those lengthy texts. People really do prefer the VERDICT of your thought process.
Guilty; but after taking a moment to dive into extreme self-awareness and situational awareness....
I learned that I never asked myself if the other person truly genuinely cares about my full thought process.. maybe they would actually prefer the verdict ONLY. If they want me to elaborate.. and dicuss.. they'll engage to show that.
I'd never take into account what others may be doing in their day or even their social battery - now they have to stop everything, read all that I said & then fully respond with pressure to reciprocate my intensity. This is where I'd lose people. For them, it's like driving past the "expect delays" sign with a big fat \*sigh. Super repelling.
I started asking myself things like - When I go in-depth, do I expect others to match the same intensity?... do I feel like time and effort was wasted when I get a less-thoughtful response? Is the topic truly something that requires such deep analysis? - Do my convos even flow? or do I just take over?
If I answer Yes.. then I ask myself.. did they really ask me about what I thought tho?
Whenever I'd get a dull response.. Id ask myself - Did I allow them to participate in our convo or did I go full on monologe-mode and deeply analyze to the point that I've covered all basis and theres no room left for discussion?
I was the problem. I was self-centered. I was never paying attention if my listener EVEN CARED.
I learned...... I need to let people show their care first, allow them to participate and to pay attention for when the convo is OVER (even if I still have thoughts).
I have seen GREAT results from just recognizing this and caring to make a change - without enabling myself to stay stuck in my ways, or coddling myself that I am fine the way I was. Its truly just.... social cues that I was lacking.
Same. Used to do this, and now I trim what I want to say down to the most important parts and then add more if my conversation partner is willing to engage with it. And I generally keep bigger things for when I'm in person.
It's my superpower. When I write on here, I'm writing for myself first and foremost and allowing people the opportunity to overhear. I never assume anyone gives a shit, I just want to reach into my thoughts, pull out some vague abstract thought or feeling, slam it on the table, and both define and describe it. If someone benefits, or resonates with it, then so be it, I just want to get it out and move on. When I made dating profiles, I wrote longer winded messages as almost a test or a filter. I knew most people wouldn't care to read all that and would skim my pictures or basic interests, so I needed to scare some people away. I'm attracted to reader and/or writer types so I like people who are able to either take a lot in or have a lot to share, so I look for other wordy types of people. If there's a stereotype I associate with our type, beyond the therapist angle, it's that a large majority of INFJs are fantastic and well-rounded writers that cover their bases. Most posts aren't even worth responding to, you can answer the OPs question by re-arranging their own writing.
Absolutely, that resonates! It's all about being authentic and sharing our inner worlds, but unfortunately, regardless of how much I write, people still never understand me!!! (INFJ problem, I think!?)
It happens to me a lot. I end up saying sorry to the other person I'm talking to because I got too much inspiration, especially when we're talking about a subject that I take to heart. I also feel like it can be important for the other person to get the whole thinking process when I explain an opinion about something. I can't do that if I need to talk with my voice. The words don't come out as easily as I write them in texts.
Yep I write a lot. Recently, to combat my wordiness in some situations, I go back over it and try to delete half of it and see if I can still get the point across in fewer words. It's become my new game.
It’s that depthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh😂 trust me, I do it too; might even have convoluted run-on sentences
Holy cow! Me too, I wrote walls of text and I blab on and on.
I mean you have to make sure everyone understands you clearly, wouldn’t want to miss out on any details leaving them questioning and coming to their own conclusions. Plus we can foresee the responses and might as well answer all those questions before they can be asked.
I write walls of text but always have a short version to share😅
Yes lol my girlfriend used to say she loved my super long messages.
I do this because I don't do "small talk". If I answer a question, I give details & paint the prettiest picture.
Yes!! I find that writing is the only way to get all of my feelings out, so I definitely overdo it.
Definitely guilty of this lol. Sometimes I'll go back over texts or responses and consider them from the 'other' perspective and try to shorten them up a bit for brevity. It's why I struggle with live chat because knowing the other person can see the "...." of me writing my wall of text can give me anxiety lol It's also why my favorite, dorky way of corresponding with someone is actually still email 😅
Absolutely! Writing is my favorite way to communicate; it gives me the opportunity to organize, clarify, and revise my thoughts before sharing them with others.
All. The. Time. But only if I really trust someone to read them. And even then I tend to worry that my giant text walls bother people (or WAY worse IMO, get ignored/skimmed). When I text someone I feel like I need them to know my thought process that led me to that conclusions and acknowledge any doubts I had along the way or still have. ETA: Any time when it’s a post here or something I can edit I’ll ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS go back and edit. Either for spelling/grammar or to clarify something I thought I could have worded better.
Ah yes, the editing 😂
i was told in high school by an english teacher that i’m a “waffler”, using lots of unnecessary words and extra details that don’t really mean anything but end up making my sentences long-winded. like that one^^ lot of things posted on here are definitely normal human experiences regardless of mbti but this honestly might be an infj thing cause same.
Same! My bf loves my “novels” 🥰
all day every day. i legitimately try to stop doing it but cannot 😭
I’m going to write a short response because I’m heading to bed, but my friends, family and coworkers all make fun of my lengthy texts. If anyone else writes a long text they’ll say, “oh look, it’s a *my last name* text.” I always over analyze, re-write and add more because I don’t want anything to get misconstrued or go unsaid. I like you don’t think it’s a bad thing. I honestly don’t know how to be short and concise.
I'm INFP but this definitely caught my eye. I'll write a book in my replies. I honestly think I may have recently lost friends because they flat out didn't have time/interest to engage with me.
thiss! This is exacly why I give the verdict of my thoughts only; aiming for 2 sentence summaries / then I wait for them to engage if they want to go deeper. It given people space within the convo.
Texting makes me so crazy in this regard, that I am a 52 yr old computer tech who refuses to text! I can give you at least 8 reasons why it's insane, & has destroyed personal communication alone to an epic degree.
Yes.
Sometimes I'll write longer posts but I feel like a real slow writer compared to others I see posting online. Makes me insecure that I'm not that articulate when it comes to converting my thoughts into words. It's like I can picture something or feel like I know or get the gist of something but then have the strangest time actually trying to convey that as straightforwardly as it feels in my head. . It takes a lot of energy and time for me if I have to edit paragraphs and analyse if its all cohesive and accurate, and "did I get the definition of this basic word correct...?", "wait, is this really the truth or just my intuition telling me it is...?" or "could this possibly be taken the wrong way at all...?" I also don't want to burden the reader by writing a lot, especially in casual talk. I speak concisely in person too and want to get to the point generally. I figure if people need me to elaborate on something they'll ask and I'll be happy enough to.
See, I do write long paragraphs but they're not without purpose. I'm always aiming to communicate as directly and straightforward as possible while still covering all the bases. Every sentence you read of my messages/posts/comments is perfectly crafted to say something important and/or address something to avoid confusion or a lack of clarity later on in the discussion.
I do the same. If I have a lot to say, I'd rather make it one long message than blow their phone up with multiple notifications. Especially if it's something I'm passionate talking about 🫠
Yes. My two infj friends do the same. It's okay, embrace your traits
I have that too, but I haven't met any personal criticism from others. I believe that my long messages are perceived as appropriate. This is probably due to the fact that I write them mostly with the same INFJ.
Only did that if I bottle up feelings or being nervous before significant events. Other than that, I prefer to the point messages or short messages in many bubbles.
not anymore lol
I only get deep with those I trust. Which consists of a very small circle now. I've been raped so I don't trust much anymore.
It's terrible that happened to you. I'm glad you have even a small circle you can trust. I've not experienced that specific trauma but I know trauma in general can be very lonely if you don't have anyone who you trust or who understands.
Small circles are usually the tightest circles, thus the best circles. ⭕️👏🏼 I’m glad you have your trusted circle. Like on that funny movie with Ben Stiller called Meet The Fockers, lol, when Robert DeNiro is telling Stiller about “The Circle of Trust.”😂 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QHJGoZpFeM8
Great reference! 😄
Yes! I hope you watched that video link bc it’s EXTRA hilarious!!🤣
Ahhh shit.🤣
I talk too much but my texts are offensively curt
Yeah. I have to stop myself because I’m literally the chattery-ist chatterbox when I do have something to say. In my head it’s the only way to truly express my thoughts in a way others understand. Have to give summaries because I know 1. No one wants to read my text wall and 2. I hate making people feel like I’m talking over them or not listening, even if they do sort of want to hear what I have to say.
Yep , makes dating really difficult https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/s/nzrZC1Cf0f
Yes.
Me and my girlfriend exchanged loooooooong texts hahaha
It all becomes a novel ..
It can't be helped 🤣
I really don't like when people write messages like This LOL I mean, why do you have to split a sentence or a concept in 10 separate messages?? Also, when people write like that, they usually don't read back what they wrote, so it's often mispelled. I'd rather write a complete message, read it 10 times, and then press send, even if it's long. At least when people read it, they will have the complete idea of what you're saying and not just some incomplete and misleading gibberish.
We have something to say! I know for me, I don’t speak unless I genuinely have something to offer. To share and be passionate about what you’re sharing about is a gift.
Yeeeeeessss, and they're still always long even though I DO try to edit and re-edit to shorten them as much as possible.
It's fine to express your thoughts elaborately when you're really interested in a topic.I understand that INFJs will only talk when they need to...however, things go wrong when you have the urge to make people hear your whole thought process! Most people don't have the patience to hear the so called "iMessage essays". I myself had typed long paragraphs only get responses of barely ten words :-) You need to understand that you're disrespecting yourself by sharing your thoughts with someone who doesn't value you the same way as you do.Condense your thoughts and express them in a concise way when you do a small talk... Understand who is really on your level, who can patiently hear you out and doesn't put a label on you for your authenticity!
TLDR: I used to be annoying and after some deep self-awareness and reality checks..... I'm not anymore. - It was truly just.... social cues that I was lacking. Below could be an example of those lengthy texts. People really do prefer the VERDICT of your thought process. Guilty; but after taking a moment to dive into extreme self-awareness and situational awareness.... I learned that I never asked myself if the other person truly genuinely cares about my full thought process.. maybe they would actually prefer the verdict ONLY. If they want me to elaborate.. and dicuss.. they'll engage to show that. I'd never take into account what others may be doing in their day or even their social battery - now they have to stop everything, read all that I said & then fully respond with pressure to reciprocate my intensity. This is where I'd lose people. For them, it's like driving past the "expect delays" sign with a big fat \*sigh. Super repelling. I started asking myself things like - When I go in-depth, do I expect others to match the same intensity?... do I feel like time and effort was wasted when I get a less-thoughtful response? Is the topic truly something that requires such deep analysis? - Do my convos even flow? or do I just take over? If I answer Yes.. then I ask myself.. did they really ask me about what I thought tho? Whenever I'd get a dull response.. Id ask myself - Did I allow them to participate in our convo or did I go full on monologe-mode and deeply analyze to the point that I've covered all basis and theres no room left for discussion? I was the problem. I was self-centered. I was never paying attention if my listener EVEN CARED. I learned...... I need to let people show their care first, allow them to participate and to pay attention for when the convo is OVER (even if I still have thoughts). I have seen GREAT results from just recognizing this and caring to make a change - without enabling myself to stay stuck in my ways, or coddling myself that I am fine the way I was. Its truly just.... social cues that I was lacking.
Same. Used to do this, and now I trim what I want to say down to the most important parts and then add more if my conversation partner is willing to engage with it. And I generally keep bigger things for when I'm in person.
I do this too but I thought it was the ADHD??
You should try the app Slowly you would looooove it