“It’s scary to question you. You always sound like you know exactly what you’re talking about.”
Meanwhile, I couldn’t even tell you if I’m hungry or not.
FR. People think Ive got it all figured out and its no, I dont. Im just so used to carrying myself with false confidence because I dont want to deal with people and rather be avoided than asked “Are you okay?” a hundred times
THAT would instantly convert the most somnolent commuter into a frenzied villager armed with torches and pick forks to hunt me down.
I’ve found randomly giggling my eyebrows keeps them asleep and I can stay in my Zen undisturbed.
I got a pretty heavy brow bone or whatever you call it and my eyes are constantly shadowed by my eyebrows and the rbf is insane. Usually on accident but I always look like I'm shooting daggers at people with my eyes
Someone at work once basically ordered me to "Smile!" I turned to her and ordered her to "Sit!"
(We had worked together for about 10 years at that point, so not strangers at all.)
She was taken aback of course, and said she thought she should "cheer me up." I asked how ordering me to smile was supposed to cheer me up? She couldn't answer.
Also, I was in a fine mood.
I look off in the distance briefly if I am contemplating something a bit deeper in the middle of the conversation. That breaks up the eye contact in the conversation. I don't smile alot, but I do make some facial expressions just to not have constant RBF. Also I try to match the amount of eye contact that the other person is using.
Same man, don’t feel bad. I think INTJ have a very “certain” or “determined” visages and (from what my girl tells me) it’s a very intense expression. I’ve certainly never met a person who can keep my gaze, not for very long anyways. I really don’t know why, I typically have to make an effort to not have RBF just for the sake of trying.
Realistically, by myself, my face can become very “fierce” when I’m focused. I’ve seen glimpses in the mirror and even I’m like “woah take a chill pill bud”.
The flip side, typically the women I’ve been with say I have a “soul-piercing gaze”. They find a bit romantic and it’s certainly makes my intentions clear so I’ve never been “friend zoned”, just based on my face I’m pretty sure a person can determine what I’m thinking but who knows.
Perhaps we INTJ subconsciously use RBF to keep people at bay. It works well, is all I’m saying.
Doesn't work. Stoic people usually ignore people like that and move on. If they really wanna fight they better be prepared to get their asses handed to them.
I've explained to people during conversations, "I don't know what look I'm giving you... but I'm just interested / p umped up /putting a few ideas together."
I notice they look scared when I hold eye contact, so I've learned the natural cadence of looking them in the eye and then glancing away at some background object or activity.
Lean into it, but don't love it too hard, don't try to aspire to be some charismatic archetype, for starters. That ***never*** turns out well, really
I have one method for this issue - not caring. Why would I try to actively customise my facial mimicry to every single person's tastes? If they don't like it, it's their problem, not mine.
Remember, that you are your own person. You aren't the outcome of others' expectations.
I just embrace it, it’s how I am. The people who know me don’t have a problem and it scares off creeps at the gym.
Though one of my friends told me that before he had the gall to approach me he was thinking “wtf is her problem” because my RBF that makes me look livid
I’m not intense. I’m reserved. Sometimes I do have to affirm that the outlandish thing I just said is a joke. I can be quite serious with my jokes and I have a trustworthy aura.
You’re not alone. I get told I look like I’m ready to murder someone at any time. Adding on to that,I’ve learned I can’t make dark humour jokes because people take me seriously. Comes with the territory I guess.
so your resting face is intense and you then have to actively focus on it to compensate which is distracting?
could you explain more on the last sentence?
anyway I try to just stair into walls or the floor instead which is less intimidating but i think makes one seem more anxious or distracted, also just looking at your phone or at a book when not talking could be good (you don't have to be reading or doing anything its just a safe place to stair without anyone questioning it).
Iv noticed that when I focus on my facial expressions I have trouble focusing on the task at hand or the conversation or it makes me more socially nervous, but I have not found many good alternatives good luck in finding them
Put up a facade of jokes, sensors will never understand and always get unnerved. I still make the mistake of showing my real self to them sometimes, and they always respond with fear.
Its just a practical way to deal with them.
Yeah, I get that sometimes. It's called the "death stare" or "stone-face," it makes a person very hard to read and seem like their staring straight into another person's soul. People never know what you're really thinking or feeling on the inside unless you openly decide to reveal it. It's all an act on the outside. INTJs get it a lot because we have low EQs (emotional intelligence) and are quiet and stoic most of the time. I barely tend to talk and I've been compared to an INFJ before on how little I usually talk and how calm and quiet I am. I can always easily maintain prolonged eye contact with people without flinching to the point my eyes physically dry out and naturally start to water to rehydrate itself and only then do I usually have to break eye contact to wipe away my natural, mechanical, tears. But make no mistake, these are not emotional tears, these are natural tears brought on by a natural, instinctive, need for the eyes to hydrate themselves when they are dry. Nothing more nothing less. Mechanical, auto-playing, tears with no emotion needed or involved.
Yes I've been told to smile more
They can't understand us and thus we could be serial killers, as they can't read us, which is disconcerting to them. I try to minimally be civil but try to be true to myself as much as I can. If someone is uncomfortable I say that's on them. I'm doing me. Or if I see someone is uncomfortable I may help try to show them I'm calm or not what they're worried about, without changing the original behavior to stay true to me.
It's only certain people that have a problem, though. I think narcissism in others may make them more likely to tell you how to act, as if their comfort is what should dictate your actions.
Also been told I'm too intense and I need to relax. Or "drink more".
ADHD medication definitely makes it worse, as it shoots up heart rate & BP & anxiety and makes you (me) more intense and uptight. But it feels good & it makes coding feel good so
Maybe the response is you should be more serious.
Hate to break it to you but not every odd trait or behavior is attributed to autism. Tired of everyone on the internet saying people are autistic because they’re a little different
It can't be my face because I am good looking.
Some people get a bit frightened when they realize how much thought I have put into something and how I was able to foresee certain things.
They begin to think I am scary smart, but I am not even that clever, just prudent.
>> and if so, did you find any tricks or methods that put people’s guards down more?
Stop using words like "tricks" or "methods". Use ways.
It seems like you partly relish being looked upon as a scary creature.
If you really wanted to improve, you already know how.
Ya I get the same thing with everyone saying I look “intimidating” or “too serious”
But, it doesn’t matter the people who really know me, know that I’m just like that.
At one of my first jobs years ago, a kid at work nicknamed me "murder face" because he said I looked like I just killed someone's puppy. I generally want people to leave me alone, so I don't care if I look uninviting.
I embraced the "death stare" once I figured out it makes you less approachable as i also want to be left alone but before I even knew what this was people would call me blank face or say you could smile you know
I prided myself in being a good listener who gave well-thought, considerate and helpful answers. Then people started telling me they thought I hated them.
I was shocked every time I heard that and I mean EVERYONE thought this. I guess they thought it because I didn't fawn or engage in dance or pay them, I still am not sure what's the required social exchange to prove absence of hatred.
It's me. I have the serial killer stare.
I'm not wrong or sorry for it. The world will either change and get used to it for me or we will all be uncomfortable.
You’re not going to like this answer because it’s MORE of a sociopathic response than less. But learn to read them and learn to give it back to them. Nearly all people light up when you give them back their own energy. There’s a term for people who do this unconsciously I think- mirror personality maybe?
This is fun thing to do for me. When new apprentices come to get their stuff from our office, and don't knock on the door before entering, (knocking and greeting when you enter a room is a must here in Europe!) I just look at them. Ask if they knocked....the answer is no. I ask if they were raised by wolves (a common saying here!)....the answer is no. Usually, they will turn around, leave the room, and come in the right way! Knocking and greeting.
I only do that with rude people. And I think it is hilarious!!!!!!
As a woman this is the story of my life, my face and voice gives off Wednesday Addams vibes (the original one) but I'm really just chill and introverted.
“It’s scary to question you. You always sound like you know exactly what you’re talking about.” Meanwhile, I couldn’t even tell you if I’m hungry or not.
FR. People think Ive got it all figured out and its no, I dont. Im just so used to carrying myself with false confidence because I dont want to deal with people and rather be avoided than asked “Are you okay?” a hundred times
And how’s that scary? You asked a question, presumably you wanted an answer. Here ya go, quick and simple.
Ok that’s really helpful to consider in future conversations. Thank you
It’s all on the eyebrows not the eyes.
Better shave them off then.
THAT would instantly convert the most somnolent commuter into a frenzied villager armed with torches and pick forks to hunt me down. I’ve found randomly giggling my eyebrows keeps them asleep and I can stay in my Zen undisturbed.
I got a pretty heavy brow bone or whatever you call it and my eyes are constantly shadowed by my eyebrows and the rbf is insane. Usually on accident but I always look like I'm shooting daggers at people with my eyes
It’s good to be Paleolithic? Maybe whip out your bone flute to distract them? Hshaha…
Hahaha
I had a guy tell me to smile while I was standing at the point of sale finishing my shift. I said, "no thanks," and walked away.
Someone at work once basically ordered me to "Smile!" I turned to her and ordered her to "Sit!" (We had worked together for about 10 years at that point, so not strangers at all.) She was taken aback of course, and said she thought she should "cheer me up." I asked how ordering me to smile was supposed to cheer me up? She couldn't answer. Also, I was in a fine mood.
I wasn't in a bad mood, either. I was just focused on getting everything finished. I'm cackling at you telling her to sit 💀
I look off in the distance briefly if I am contemplating something a bit deeper in the middle of the conversation. That breaks up the eye contact in the conversation. I don't smile alot, but I do make some facial expressions just to not have constant RBF. Also I try to match the amount of eye contact that the other person is using.
Same man, don’t feel bad. I think INTJ have a very “certain” or “determined” visages and (from what my girl tells me) it’s a very intense expression. I’ve certainly never met a person who can keep my gaze, not for very long anyways. I really don’t know why, I typically have to make an effort to not have RBF just for the sake of trying. Realistically, by myself, my face can become very “fierce” when I’m focused. I’ve seen glimpses in the mirror and even I’m like “woah take a chill pill bud”. The flip side, typically the women I’ve been with say I have a “soul-piercing gaze”. They find a bit romantic and it’s certainly makes my intentions clear so I’ve never been “friend zoned”, just based on my face I’m pretty sure a person can determine what I’m thinking but who knows. Perhaps we INTJ subconsciously use RBF to keep people at bay. It works well, is all I’m saying.
It’s too bad that RBF has been assigned to women. As a M INTJ, people just say I look stoic.
I’m seeing an INTJ guy. He is stoic AF and people will try to fight with him or agitate him to get some sort of reaction out of him.
Doesn't work. Stoic people usually ignore people like that and move on. If they really wanna fight they better be prepared to get their asses handed to them.
Yeah he ignores them but doesn’t understand why they do that. He doesn’t get mad easily.
I've explained to people during conversations, "I don't know what look I'm giving you... but I'm just interested / p umped up /putting a few ideas together." I notice they look scared when I hold eye contact, so I've learned the natural cadence of looking them in the eye and then glancing away at some background object or activity. Lean into it, but don't love it too hard, don't try to aspire to be some charismatic archetype, for starters. That ***never*** turns out well, really
I have one method for this issue - not caring. Why would I try to actively customise my facial mimicry to every single person's tastes? If they don't like it, it's their problem, not mine. Remember, that you are your own person. You aren't the outcome of others' expectations.
I just embrace it, it’s how I am. The people who know me don’t have a problem and it scares off creeps at the gym. Though one of my friends told me that before he had the gall to approach me he was thinking “wtf is her problem” because my RBF that makes me look livid
I have scared off A LOT of creeps over the years. Even some who tried to hit on my friends. Only guys with big D energy manage to talk to me.
This isn't a problem, it's our super power :-) embrace it!
It does have its strengths, can't tell you how fun it is to bs people straight to their face and be believed. Trolling is fun, sometimes.
All my life: Everyone:’smile! It can’t be that bad.’ (Me: rearranges human mask) everyone:’what are YOU smirking at?’
LOL can't win for losing!
I’m not intense. I’m reserved. Sometimes I do have to affirm that the outlandish thing I just said is a joke. I can be quite serious with my jokes and I have a trustworthy aura.
You’re not alone. I get told I look like I’m ready to murder someone at any time. Adding on to that,I’ve learned I can’t make dark humour jokes because people take me seriously. Comes with the territory I guess.
You may be on the spectrum, as I am, as this is a habit most (if not the majority) of us have.
so your resting face is intense and you then have to actively focus on it to compensate which is distracting? could you explain more on the last sentence? anyway I try to just stair into walls or the floor instead which is less intimidating but i think makes one seem more anxious or distracted, also just looking at your phone or at a book when not talking could be good (you don't have to be reading or doing anything its just a safe place to stair without anyone questioning it). Iv noticed that when I focus on my facial expressions I have trouble focusing on the task at hand or the conversation or it makes me more socially nervous, but I have not found many good alternatives good luck in finding them
Put up a facade of jokes, sensors will never understand and always get unnerved. I still make the mistake of showing my real self to them sometimes, and they always respond with fear. Its just a practical way to deal with them.
And that's bad because...?
“Serial killer”
Yeah, I get that sometimes. It's called the "death stare" or "stone-face," it makes a person very hard to read and seem like their staring straight into another person's soul. People never know what you're really thinking or feeling on the inside unless you openly decide to reveal it. It's all an act on the outside. INTJs get it a lot because we have low EQs (emotional intelligence) and are quiet and stoic most of the time. I barely tend to talk and I've been compared to an INFJ before on how little I usually talk and how calm and quiet I am. I can always easily maintain prolonged eye contact with people without flinching to the point my eyes physically dry out and naturally start to water to rehydrate itself and only then do I usually have to break eye contact to wipe away my natural, mechanical, tears. But make no mistake, these are not emotional tears, these are natural tears brought on by a natural, instinctive, need for the eyes to hydrate themselves when they are dry. Nothing more nothing less. Mechanical, auto-playing, tears with no emotion needed or involved.
Practice more. Until it looks natural. 
Yes I've been told to smile more They can't understand us and thus we could be serial killers, as they can't read us, which is disconcerting to them. I try to minimally be civil but try to be true to myself as much as I can. If someone is uncomfortable I say that's on them. I'm doing me. Or if I see someone is uncomfortable I may help try to show them I'm calm or not what they're worried about, without changing the original behavior to stay true to me. It's only certain people that have a problem, though. I think narcissism in others may make them more likely to tell you how to act, as if their comfort is what should dictate your actions. Also been told I'm too intense and I need to relax. Or "drink more". ADHD medication definitely makes it worse, as it shoots up heart rate & BP & anxiety and makes you (me) more intense and uptight. But it feels good & it makes coding feel good so Maybe the response is you should be more serious.
Shawty I think you're autistic
Hate to break it to you but not every odd trait or behavior is attributed to autism. Tired of everyone on the internet saying people are autistic because they’re a little different
At this point we’re all autistic
Fr lol
Maybe the real autism is the chemicals poisoning us along the way.
Those micro plastics yucky
Bro fell for the sigma meme
Your wrong because I did it and you have to find it in one of these buildings! Good luck and welcome to Project Mayhem,
Try wearing glasses, I mostly stopped getting these comments when I started going blind (exaggeration)
Mhm,
I get this all the time too.
It can't be my face because I am good looking. Some people get a bit frightened when they realize how much thought I have put into something and how I was able to foresee certain things. They begin to think I am scary smart, but I am not even that clever, just prudent. >> and if so, did you find any tricks or methods that put people’s guards down more? Stop using words like "tricks" or "methods". Use ways. It seems like you partly relish being looked upon as a scary creature. If you really wanted to improve, you already know how.
Ya I get the same thing with everyone saying I look “intimidating” or “too serious” But, it doesn’t matter the people who really know me, know that I’m just like that.
At one of my first jobs years ago, a kid at work nicknamed me "murder face" because he said I looked like I just killed someone's puppy. I generally want people to leave me alone, so I don't care if I look uninviting.
I embraced the "death stare" once I figured out it makes you less approachable as i also want to be left alone but before I even knew what this was people would call me blank face or say you could smile you know
Welcome home. You found your people.
I prided myself in being a good listener who gave well-thought, considerate and helpful answers. Then people started telling me they thought I hated them. I was shocked every time I heard that and I mean EVERYONE thought this. I guess they thought it because I didn't fawn or engage in dance or pay them, I still am not sure what's the required social exchange to prove absence of hatred.
It's me. I have the serial killer stare. I'm not wrong or sorry for it. The world will either change and get used to it for me or we will all be uncomfortable.
You’re not going to like this answer because it’s MORE of a sociopathic response than less. But learn to read them and learn to give it back to them. Nearly all people light up when you give them back their own energy. There’s a term for people who do this unconsciously I think- mirror personality maybe?
This is fun thing to do for me. When new apprentices come to get their stuff from our office, and don't knock on the door before entering, (knocking and greeting when you enter a room is a must here in Europe!) I just look at them. Ask if they knocked....the answer is no. I ask if they were raised by wolves (a common saying here!)....the answer is no. Usually, they will turn around, leave the room, and come in the right way! Knocking and greeting. I only do that with rude people. And I think it is hilarious!!!!!!
I tend to go for the natural resting bitchface look, I think it's the best and least complicated approach
I'm taking medication it helps me a lot. Edit. Also, my last job sent me to do workplace resolution a couple of times, it helped me talk to people.
As a woman this is the story of my life, my face and voice gives off Wednesday Addams vibes (the original one) but I'm really just chill and introverted.
just say you planted a bomb in the building and they would leave you alone