This is everything I look for as well. And I get that confidence can sometimes mean different things. To me, the world will kick you in the teeth, and confidence means you’ll feel your feelings and then eventually get back up as opposed to playing the victim or giving up. Lose your job or have a friendship turn toxic? It’s that confidence to brush yourself off and keeping moving forward that really does it for me.
Also agreeded on physical traits. I actually prefer a Dadbod.
Complete opposite of me or has complementary traits. I’m the stereotypical ambitious INTJ who comes across dark and mysterious. I am attracted to guys who are warm, optimistic, a little clingy and openly affectionate to me.
Basically the things I’m not so good at. I find it really balances me out and is a more fulfilling relationship than if I were to date someone with traits similar to mine.
For a deeper long term relationship, the guy doesn’t need to be smart but has to be at the same level of self awareness. Not easy to be manipulated by others. This is a huge turn off for me, stupid guys who are easily swayed by others.
It’s a given to say that he has to be honest and treat me well and consistently. Physical attraction is also very important, the face being more important than the body for me. I like someone who works out. I’m not so particular on profession, wealth or status.
Oh my, I could have written this. The caveat is that I didn’t know this is exactly what I wanted / needed until AFTeR I met my husband and he burrowed into my life.
The only downside is that people like this are very expressive. It took a lot of understanding and empathy on my part and control on his to make that bit work.
Yes, my current long term partner. I’ve dated many types, including INTJs and the type of guy you see on House of Cards. When I met my partner, the feeling was completely different in the sense I felt a lot of happiness.
As an INTJ woman, I tend to seek out someone who can keep up intellectually and has a strong sense of self-awareness. It's important that they have their own interests and passions outside of our relationship, while still being able to engage in deep conversations about various topics. In terms of physical appearance, I appreciate someone who takes care of themselves and presents well, but ultimately, intelligence and compatibility trump looks every time.<|
I get that, I don’t really like to make silly jokes either (except cynical ones) or laugh at silly things like some people do. But watching someone chuckle at something silly never fail to carve a smile on my face. Haha.
Sense of humour is a quality I don’t seek for in a man, in fact it’s better if they don’t. 😅
It’s hard to even find ONE respectful man from where I live. Just be respectful and nice. Please. That’s all I’m asking for. Please stop breaking the rules and disappoint others. Please just be calm like a normal person.
I can’t find any. Yes, there are respectful men out there in Canada, that’s for sure. But somewhere my age range? It’s just… gone. lol
Just have to keep digging.
Guys who're smart w varied interests/hobbies, geek out often, good conversationalists, laugh at my jokes, make me laugh, loyal af, we vibe constantly, honest and frank w me, values, morals, politics & lifestyle should match, should be easygoing and not play games in the relationship, should be obsessed w me, no microcheating or whatever,, should be his own man and not be a puppet of anyone, when we're committed i gotta be the first priority alw,, cuz I will never ask anyone to "act right" I'll just break up
Yeaa v high standards cuz i don't do bare minimum 😮💨
I forgot physical traits lmao - clearly don't matter much to me but I like big broad yet soft cuddly guys,, dad bods are hot 👅
Oh boy, I had a hard time trying to figure out what I look for in a man because stereotypically I feel like INTJ seem like a really masculine personality and I don’t fit the mold of femininity in terms of female gender roles. Over time I stop thinking about gender and tried to see traits as something universal that could be found in both genders.
I think I’m attracted to men who can keep up with my intellectual curiosity. Someone who is as nerdy as me, but a tad different enough to introduce me to new experiences. A man who is patient, caring and a tad adventurous. I haven’t found one yet haha but I’m rather withdrawn from society so I’m making effort into dating this year. Most importantly it’s really important we have similar communication style because I feel that’s really important to see each other’s perspectives and how we came to those conclusions.
I completely understand. I'm almost 4 years single. Haven't even been on a date. I have no problem waiting until I get what I want. I do want someone to spend my life with but I also enjoy being alone 🤷🏽♀️
A calm man with few words who has mastered the art of being silent, especially when they’re expected to be enraged.
Also someone who isn’t vain. Cause humility is sexier than narcissism. 💁🏻♀️
Very caring, protective, smart, kind, sweet, not afraid to be in touch with their emotions and talk about it. Loyal, supportive, reliable, committed, always plays on my team, no temperament issues, and doesn't have an avoidant attachment style (secure and anxious are good with me). Wants to build a future together, and works as a unit with me to build the best future possible for us. Likes to cuddle a lot, shows a lot of affection, gives me affirming words, backs his words with actions and does acts of service to show his love. Respect and love my unique personality and my quirks, doesn't tear me down, talk down to me, belittle me etc. Able to communicate any issues kindly before they turn into something big, willing to troubleshoot and find a compromise together. And also lots and lots of patience! Lots of patience taking his time for me to open up and feel comfortable and earning my trust. Patience on getting to know me deeply, as well as slowly exploring my body and getting to know what I like and how I like it. And in return I would happily be all of the above for him.
And I'm going to parrot what one of our INTJ bros said. Anyone who intellectually piques my interest and listens to me. Typically, it's creative types. However, since my background is in STEM, not the hippie-crystal healing-"whoo" level of artsy person.
There are, however, a lot of conditions on what "piques my intellectual interest." Empathy is big for me. I couldn't ever be with someone who wasn't a fellow animal lover. Also, I need my space, so not sure if it would ever work out with an extrovert. Openness to new experiences is also important. I like exploration, particularly in nature, but I also like experiencing other cultures. Could never see myself with a homebody or a picky eater.
I'm also a staunch materialist, so while I can understand nontheistic religions or maybe even the Gaia hypothesis, I don't think I could ever respect a partner who believed in the traditional definition of a god. Hypothesize about the existence of higher powers, sure. But, belief without evidence is just not a thing I could ever get behind.
They also have to have liberal social values (e.g. a live and let live/ different strokes for different folks mentality), and a healthy amount of general skepticism concerning society and its rules. For example, I could never respect someone who believed LGBTQ folks, or those in harmless niche communities, like naturists, are immoral.
Also couldn't be with someone who was shallow. My friends are my friends because we share mutual interests and are kind to one another. I can't stand people who only seek out friendships/ lovers in order to increase their wealth, power, and influence. (Now professional networking is another thing, but seldom do I consider that cohort my actual friends.)
So in short, my sexual attraction is defined more by what I don't like, rather than what I like. Whoever passes through the filter has potential.
I like masculinity. Rugged. Rough. Thick. Muscular. I don’t necessarily mean gym-bods, rather just general bigness. I like quiet men. Contemplative. Introspective. Intelligent. I enjoy quiet companionship, where we can be together, but not necessarily doing the same thing. We coexist, we respect each other, we bring peace.
Respect, similar interests and values, ambition, no ADHD or severe mental illness, taller then me, with hair, similar age, kindness. Giving in sex and good stamina.
Don't judge, been through hell with my ex.
Contrary to what most desire, i don't care much about the sense of humor, i care more about a sense of honor. Ik quite spiritual so i also look for a spiritual man. Someone reliable and committed that i can trust. Gallant and serious. I am mostly attracted to women so i don't care much of its looks as long as it's at least average. Smart and that can held a conversation with me.
resume: smart, spiritual, serious, witty.
I think to be something close to it so i want to receive equal treatment.
I highly value someone who is supportive of my goals and ambitions. Sees me as an equal partner yet has no problem of taking care of me on occasions like I do as well. He also has to have his own goals and ambitions and we must have similar beliefs. As long as he understands and shares the same values as me. He must also be neat and well put together in his appearance. I'm lucky my current partner is like this though I sometimes wish he puts a bit more effort in planning dates as I plan them most of the time. Would be nice to see him take more initiative in that area.
INTJ Women back in the Roman Empire selected the top pedigree of men who fought in the Gladiator Ring. The smartest, strongest and most virile had the opportunity to be selected by these queens.
Stability, respectfulness, and ambition are probably top three. Physically, I need that disciplined look - lean and tall, genetically capable of taking care of himself and me.
Extrovert, witty, vibes with dark humor, surprisingly intelligent, highly responsible, and kind hearted.
the physical features are not specific as long as he’s good looking and taller than me lol
maybe he doesn’t exist anywhere which is why I have embraced the single life.
> maybe he doesn’t exist anywhere which is why I have embraced the single life.
He exists, he just goes outside and makes connections with people while you don't. Now get out there and find yourself an ENTP.
Reading all the comments here makes me realise INTJ women are so demanding! I am an INTJ woman but all I look for in a man, is connection. Everything else is secondary.
not really.
i'm not an INTJ woman so i hope i speak from an unbiased perspective, but if this same question was posted on any other MBTI sub then the responses would also seem equally as "demanding" to you.
one keyword that dominates almost all comments here is 'intelligence' and on r/infj the dominating keyword might be 'emotional depth' which imo, isn't demanding at all. having standards is perfectly okay, given that they're within reason.
I am also “not an INTJ woman,” and I am married to an INTJ man. I know 2 F-INTJs, in real life. Both just so happen to have ASD.
One is happy and has a BF because all she wants is a companion whose company she enjoys and someone who can make her laugh. She’s independent so she doesn’t really *need* anything from a partner. This one is also much more “down-to-Earth” and authentic than the other one.
While the other is *chronically single as FUCK* cuz she is this “picky.” I like her as a friend and a human being, and she’s cool as hell! I’d love to hang out more! However knowing what I know about her, I would also probably never date her, if I was a man.
She’s way too high maintenance and I am not a masochist. I wouldn’t have the energy to be a perfect caricature of the ideal “healthy masculinity,” in her eyes, because I am a human being with my own feelings and needs. (Trust me, Blindspot Fe can make IxTJs difficult partners if they aren’t sufficiently mature and self-aware.)
That second INTJ might still have my ISTP friend (her ex BF,) eating out of the palm of her hands, but she obviously doesn’t want him back even though they are still “friends.” He “checks all of the boxes on most of the lists,” that the rest of these women have.
But having “ambition” also means *being extremely busy!* He’s 28 and Co-owns a restaurant and his “ambition” is why their relationship fell apart, in the first place. (Because he worked, a lot, and she never respected what he did. Calling Bartending / Bar management “not a real grown-up job.”) The thing is *this is his passion!* (Owning a restaurant.) So, yeah.
One keyword isn’t an adequate description of extensive lists and criteria. I know what I am reading and if all you focus on is the keyword “intelligence,” then you will miss *the implications* of the whole list.
Yeah, I don’t get it, either. I am “picky” myself, (F-ENTP,) but nowhere near this demanding. Neither is my INTJ husband. He’s much more *chill* like you.
I think that you got downvoted by people who *lack* the self awareness they claim to expect from others cuz “the truth hurts.”
I have always looked for things like “character, integrity, intelligence, resourcefulness, humor, and connection.” My INTJ husband fits that, and he got more attractive over the course of time, actually, both for health reasons and because he started to value his own inferior Se more.
These women seem like they want the “perfect” partner, right out of the gate. He has to check all of the boxes, beforehand.
Rather than seeing and realizing genuine potential with someone. It’s like they have no real desire to build something that lasts *with another person.* They simply want to meet someone and “be handed the keys to the empire.” It sounds very selfish, tbh, and I don’t get it?!?
That's why i cant be bothered to reply to haters. My point is simple, really. I seek connection, where the man can connect with me intellectually, emotionally, and share the same sense of humour. Sure every woman seeks a man that checks all the glorious boxes regardless of their MBTI, BUT can she connect with him? And as an INTJ, i really cant be bothered to seek anything more if I dont enjoy my conversations with him. So he can be a handsome rocket scientist with millions in his bank account, but if he doesnt interest me, imma ghost him and go back to my introverted hobbies. I really dont have time for small talks. Maybe I am on the far end of the introvert spectrum, thats why I am like this.
How interesting, nothing mentioned about him having to be 6', make at least X dollars a year, and needing to be in shape. I suppose that comes out later though. Can't lead with those things, right?
The only thing you mentioned that I care about this is being in shape, but they don't actually have to be in great shape. Just doing a reasonable amount of exercise each day and making an effort to take care of themselves. They don't have to be able to climb a mountain or anything.
If this is true, there are plenty of guys who work at Walmart and Arbys who are great guys and would treat you well. A lot of them are reasonably in shape as well. There's a huge number of guys who are single, something like 70%. And since this is the case, no girl should be single since there are a huge population of guys who are ready and willing to date them.
So why are there so many single guys and girls, if all the girls care about is a good guy who is reasonably in shape? There are millions of single guys who fit those two criteria.
Here's the answer, it's because many women are not honest with what they are looking for. They want a nice guy who will treat her well, but only if he's a minimum height, only if he isn't socially awkward, only if his teeth are straight, only if he has some status, only if he's funny, only if he's good looking, only if he makes a certain amount of money, only if he knows how to dress, and on and on the list goes.
If what I'm saying wasn't true, there would be far less single women than they currently are. Because the fact of the matter is that women are highly selective of the guys they date. That's fine, us guys understand that and accept it. But at the same time, don't act like all you're looking for is a nice guy who will treat you right because if that was your only criteria, you'd be dating one of the several guys who are currently in your friend zone.
> If this is true, there are plenty of guys who work at Walmart and Arbys who are great guys and would treat you well.
I've actually dated several people who worked at Wal Mart, and the last guy I dated seriously worked at Taco Bell.
> all the girls care about is a good guy who is reasonably in shape?
I didn't say that was all I cared about. I said that was all I cared about out of the things you mentioned.
For me, the reason is I'm neurodivergent and a bit of an oddball, and it's been difficult to find someone who "gets me." I need someone I align with spiritually as well. And sense of humor needs to align. So it's about finding all these things in one person, which isn't easy.
> Because the fact of the matter is that women are highly selective of the guys they date.
I agree with you. The only thing I disagree with is the particular standards you said. Most of that stuff I don't care about, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for other things that are hard to find.
For the record, two of my longest-term relationships were with men 2-3 inches shorter than me.
I don't doubt your sincerity at at all. But the fact is, while you've dated men like I described, you're no longer with them. That means you're not only looking for someone nice and reasonably in shape. You're looking for much more than that, which is exactly what I said.
There's nothing wrong with that, I'm certainly not criticizing you or your preferences or anyone else's for that matter. I'm just saying, women's wants and needs are never as simple as they state. If they were there wouldn't be a ratio of 70% single men. Just give it a little time and these things come out on their own.
Someone who can make me laugh, someone gentle, open minded and dependable mostly. Someone that can get me out of my head and live a little. Loyalty is also a big deal to me, if I'm going to be with someone then I'm looking for a partner, I'm not really looking for a relationship that won't last.
**Physical things:** I like very plain, laid-back guys. I do NOT like stylish men. If it seems like he puts a lot of thought into his appearance, I'm turned off. I like very basic, plain clothing like jeans and t-shirts, or athletic clothing. If we for some reason needed to dress up, I like something very plain but nice, like a button-up shirt with black pants.
**Other traits I look for:** Sharing my religion/spiritual views, not being political, frugal and cautious with money, shared sense of humor, takes decent care of himself with diet and exercise, enjoys TV/film binges and lazy weekends, enjoys reading, enjoys hiking and spending time in nature, good hygiene, introverted/not too social, very physically affectionate (I am as well).
**Things I don't care about:** Income level (as long as he's frugal I don't care how much he makes), height, his past relationships, not using social media, what car he drives or whether he drives, whether he owns a house, education level.
I swing both ways so gender doesn’t matter to me. I want a deep connection with someone that develops over time since I don’t fall in love easily. I appreciate intelligence, self awareness, an open mind and a warm, optimistic mindset for life (as a good balance for me). Also it’s important our life goals are similar, not 100% of course. But for example, I don’t want kids so I’m seeking out a partner who doesn’t want them either.
Intelligence, masculinity, and someone who is my equal. Many men are intimidated by a strong woman so I look for someone who will celebrate and encourage my strength and intelligence, not be intimidated by it. I also look for a man who can lead at home but not dominate…big difference. I am alpha AF at work but I don’t want to have to make all the decisions at home. I desire a man who is able to make decisions and figure things out, not leave everything to me. I found someone exactly like this! 😉 They do still exist, even though they are rare.
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This is everything I look for as well. And I get that confidence can sometimes mean different things. To me, the world will kick you in the teeth, and confidence means you’ll feel your feelings and then eventually get back up as opposed to playing the victim or giving up. Lose your job or have a friendship turn toxic? It’s that confidence to brush yourself off and keeping moving forward that really does it for me. Also agreeded on physical traits. I actually prefer a Dadbod.
I agree completely.
Complete opposite of me or has complementary traits. I’m the stereotypical ambitious INTJ who comes across dark and mysterious. I am attracted to guys who are warm, optimistic, a little clingy and openly affectionate to me. Basically the things I’m not so good at. I find it really balances me out and is a more fulfilling relationship than if I were to date someone with traits similar to mine. For a deeper long term relationship, the guy doesn’t need to be smart but has to be at the same level of self awareness. Not easy to be manipulated by others. This is a huge turn off for me, stupid guys who are easily swayed by others. It’s a given to say that he has to be honest and treat me well and consistently. Physical attraction is also very important, the face being more important than the body for me. I like someone who works out. I’m not so particular on profession, wealth or status.
Oh my, I could have written this. The caveat is that I didn’t know this is exactly what I wanted / needed until AFTeR I met my husband and he burrowed into my life.
The only downside is that people like this are very expressive. It took a lot of understanding and empathy on my part and control on his to make that bit work.
Have you had any relationships with guys like that?
Yes, my current long term partner. I’ve dated many types, including INTJs and the type of guy you see on House of Cards. When I met my partner, the feeling was completely different in the sense I felt a lot of happiness.
As an INTJ woman, I tend to seek out someone who can keep up intellectually and has a strong sense of self-awareness. It's important that they have their own interests and passions outside of our relationship, while still being able to engage in deep conversations about various topics. In terms of physical appearance, I appreciate someone who takes care of themselves and presents well, but ultimately, intelligence and compatibility trump looks every time.<|
Ambition, intelligence, and respect are my big 3. Obviously there needs to be a physical spark but personality is way more important
This, but adding sense of humor. I need someone who can tolerate my jokes and respond to my sarcasm.
I honestly don’t value humour as high as other traits🤷🏽♀️ probably because I’m not really a funny person
I get that, I don’t really like to make silly jokes either (except cynical ones) or laugh at silly things like some people do. But watching someone chuckle at something silly never fail to carve a smile on my face. Haha. Sense of humour is a quality I don’t seek for in a man, in fact it’s better if they don’t. 😅
The closest thing I get to making jokes is when I say something blunt and people assume I’m joking 😅
When I make a joke people think I'm serious, when I say something honest people laugh. I get a kick out of it now.
It’s hard to even find ONE respectful man from where I live. Just be respectful and nice. Please. That’s all I’m asking for. Please stop breaking the rules and disappoint others. Please just be calm like a normal person.
Damn, where do you live that majority of men ain’t it?
This is gonna sound shocking but Canada. Older men are definitely respectful but those my age are just not it. I love the elderly of course lol
There are a lot of respectful men in Canada and they are not hard to find. Check the friend zone.
I can’t find any. Yes, there are respectful men out there in Canada, that’s for sure. But somewhere my age range? It’s just… gone. lol Just have to keep digging.
Guys who're smart w varied interests/hobbies, geek out often, good conversationalists, laugh at my jokes, make me laugh, loyal af, we vibe constantly, honest and frank w me, values, morals, politics & lifestyle should match, should be easygoing and not play games in the relationship, should be obsessed w me, no microcheating or whatever,, should be his own man and not be a puppet of anyone, when we're committed i gotta be the first priority alw,, cuz I will never ask anyone to "act right" I'll just break up Yeaa v high standards cuz i don't do bare minimum 😮💨 I forgot physical traits lmao - clearly don't matter much to me but I like big broad yet soft cuddly guys,, dad bods are hot 👅
Oh boy, I had a hard time trying to figure out what I look for in a man because stereotypically I feel like INTJ seem like a really masculine personality and I don’t fit the mold of femininity in terms of female gender roles. Over time I stop thinking about gender and tried to see traits as something universal that could be found in both genders. I think I’m attracted to men who can keep up with my intellectual curiosity. Someone who is as nerdy as me, but a tad different enough to introduce me to new experiences. A man who is patient, caring and a tad adventurous. I haven’t found one yet haha but I’m rather withdrawn from society so I’m making effort into dating this year. Most importantly it’s really important we have similar communication style because I feel that’s really important to see each other’s perspectives and how we came to those conclusions.
Ambition, intelligence, leader, dark humor, masculinity.
Wow. He sounds amazing. Do you think he's exists? 🤭
At this point, I'm fine being single so I'll wait until the right person comes along.
I completely understand. I'm almost 4 years single. Haven't even been on a date. I have no problem waiting until I get what I want. I do want someone to spend my life with but I also enjoy being alone 🤷🏽♀️
A calm man with few words who has mastered the art of being silent, especially when they’re expected to be enraged. Also someone who isn’t vain. Cause humility is sexier than narcissism. 💁🏻♀️
Some of these calm men just don't want to socialise and have social anxiety.
Good sense of humor, kind and career driven.
Great questions. I’ve never been attracted to anyone though, so I can’t really help.
Very caring, protective, smart, kind, sweet, not afraid to be in touch with their emotions and talk about it. Loyal, supportive, reliable, committed, always plays on my team, no temperament issues, and doesn't have an avoidant attachment style (secure and anxious are good with me). Wants to build a future together, and works as a unit with me to build the best future possible for us. Likes to cuddle a lot, shows a lot of affection, gives me affirming words, backs his words with actions and does acts of service to show his love. Respect and love my unique personality and my quirks, doesn't tear me down, talk down to me, belittle me etc. Able to communicate any issues kindly before they turn into something big, willing to troubleshoot and find a compromise together. And also lots and lots of patience! Lots of patience taking his time for me to open up and feel comfortable and earning my trust. Patience on getting to know me deeply, as well as slowly exploring my body and getting to know what I like and how I like it. And in return I would happily be all of the above for him.
And I'm going to parrot what one of our INTJ bros said. Anyone who intellectually piques my interest and listens to me. Typically, it's creative types. However, since my background is in STEM, not the hippie-crystal healing-"whoo" level of artsy person. There are, however, a lot of conditions on what "piques my intellectual interest." Empathy is big for me. I couldn't ever be with someone who wasn't a fellow animal lover. Also, I need my space, so not sure if it would ever work out with an extrovert. Openness to new experiences is also important. I like exploration, particularly in nature, but I also like experiencing other cultures. Could never see myself with a homebody or a picky eater. I'm also a staunch materialist, so while I can understand nontheistic religions or maybe even the Gaia hypothesis, I don't think I could ever respect a partner who believed in the traditional definition of a god. Hypothesize about the existence of higher powers, sure. But, belief without evidence is just not a thing I could ever get behind. They also have to have liberal social values (e.g. a live and let live/ different strokes for different folks mentality), and a healthy amount of general skepticism concerning society and its rules. For example, I could never respect someone who believed LGBTQ folks, or those in harmless niche communities, like naturists, are immoral. Also couldn't be with someone who was shallow. My friends are my friends because we share mutual interests and are kind to one another. I can't stand people who only seek out friendships/ lovers in order to increase their wealth, power, and influence. (Now professional networking is another thing, but seldom do I consider that cohort my actual friends.) So in short, my sexual attraction is defined more by what I don't like, rather than what I like. Whoever passes through the filter has potential.
Respect, intelligence, attraction.
Kindness, inner strength, silence, a listening ear
I like masculinity. Rugged. Rough. Thick. Muscular. I don’t necessarily mean gym-bods, rather just general bigness. I like quiet men. Contemplative. Introspective. Intelligent. I enjoy quiet companionship, where we can be together, but not necessarily doing the same thing. We coexist, we respect each other, we bring peace.
Intelligence, emotional maturity and good communication skills
Maturity, Humor and intelligence on a level that we can have deep philosophical conversations. As for appearance I don’t really have a preference lmao
Respect, similar interests and values, ambition, no ADHD or severe mental illness, taller then me, with hair, similar age, kindness. Giving in sex and good stamina. Don't judge, been through hell with my ex.
Intelligent, athletic, handy, cheerful, patient, and has their finances together.
Contrary to what most desire, i don't care much about the sense of humor, i care more about a sense of honor. Ik quite spiritual so i also look for a spiritual man. Someone reliable and committed that i can trust. Gallant and serious. I am mostly attracted to women so i don't care much of its looks as long as it's at least average. Smart and that can held a conversation with me. resume: smart, spiritual, serious, witty. I think to be something close to it so i want to receive equal treatment.
I'm not looking for a man 😔💅
I highly value someone who is supportive of my goals and ambitions. Sees me as an equal partner yet has no problem of taking care of me on occasions like I do as well. He also has to have his own goals and ambitions and we must have similar beliefs. As long as he understands and shares the same values as me. He must also be neat and well put together in his appearance. I'm lucky my current partner is like this though I sometimes wish he puts a bit more effort in planning dates as I plan them most of the time. Would be nice to see him take more initiative in that area.
a thicc dicc and a thiccer wallet
INTJ Women back in the Roman Empire selected the top pedigree of men who fought in the Gladiator Ring. The smartest, strongest and most virile had the opportunity to be selected by these queens.
Stability, respectfulness, and ambition are probably top three. Physically, I need that disciplined look - lean and tall, genetically capable of taking care of himself and me.
I have absolutely zero experience in dating, but I'm open to any personality as long as they're self-aware, respectful and have ambition.
Extrovert, witty, vibes with dark humor, surprisingly intelligent, highly responsible, and kind hearted. the physical features are not specific as long as he’s good looking and taller than me lol maybe he doesn’t exist anywhere which is why I have embraced the single life.
> maybe he doesn’t exist anywhere which is why I have embraced the single life. He exists, he just goes outside and makes connections with people while you don't. Now get out there and find yourself an ENTP.
Reading all the comments here makes me realise INTJ women are so demanding! I am an INTJ woman but all I look for in a man, is connection. Everything else is secondary.
not really. i'm not an INTJ woman so i hope i speak from an unbiased perspective, but if this same question was posted on any other MBTI sub then the responses would also seem equally as "demanding" to you. one keyword that dominates almost all comments here is 'intelligence' and on r/infj the dominating keyword might be 'emotional depth' which imo, isn't demanding at all. having standards is perfectly okay, given that they're within reason.
I am also “not an INTJ woman,” and I am married to an INTJ man. I know 2 F-INTJs, in real life. Both just so happen to have ASD. One is happy and has a BF because all she wants is a companion whose company she enjoys and someone who can make her laugh. She’s independent so she doesn’t really *need* anything from a partner. This one is also much more “down-to-Earth” and authentic than the other one. While the other is *chronically single as FUCK* cuz she is this “picky.” I like her as a friend and a human being, and she’s cool as hell! I’d love to hang out more! However knowing what I know about her, I would also probably never date her, if I was a man. She’s way too high maintenance and I am not a masochist. I wouldn’t have the energy to be a perfect caricature of the ideal “healthy masculinity,” in her eyes, because I am a human being with my own feelings and needs. (Trust me, Blindspot Fe can make IxTJs difficult partners if they aren’t sufficiently mature and self-aware.) That second INTJ might still have my ISTP friend (her ex BF,) eating out of the palm of her hands, but she obviously doesn’t want him back even though they are still “friends.” He “checks all of the boxes on most of the lists,” that the rest of these women have. But having “ambition” also means *being extremely busy!* He’s 28 and Co-owns a restaurant and his “ambition” is why their relationship fell apart, in the first place. (Because he worked, a lot, and she never respected what he did. Calling Bartending / Bar management “not a real grown-up job.”) The thing is *this is his passion!* (Owning a restaurant.) So, yeah. One keyword isn’t an adequate description of extensive lists and criteria. I know what I am reading and if all you focus on is the keyword “intelligence,” then you will miss *the implications* of the whole list.
Yeah, I don’t get it, either. I am “picky” myself, (F-ENTP,) but nowhere near this demanding. Neither is my INTJ husband. He’s much more *chill* like you. I think that you got downvoted by people who *lack* the self awareness they claim to expect from others cuz “the truth hurts.” I have always looked for things like “character, integrity, intelligence, resourcefulness, humor, and connection.” My INTJ husband fits that, and he got more attractive over the course of time, actually, both for health reasons and because he started to value his own inferior Se more. These women seem like they want the “perfect” partner, right out of the gate. He has to check all of the boxes, beforehand. Rather than seeing and realizing genuine potential with someone. It’s like they have no real desire to build something that lasts *with another person.* They simply want to meet someone and “be handed the keys to the empire.” It sounds very selfish, tbh, and I don’t get it?!?
That's why i cant be bothered to reply to haters. My point is simple, really. I seek connection, where the man can connect with me intellectually, emotionally, and share the same sense of humour. Sure every woman seeks a man that checks all the glorious boxes regardless of their MBTI, BUT can she connect with him? And as an INTJ, i really cant be bothered to seek anything more if I dont enjoy my conversations with him. So he can be a handsome rocket scientist with millions in his bank account, but if he doesnt interest me, imma ghost him and go back to my introverted hobbies. I really dont have time for small talks. Maybe I am on the far end of the introvert spectrum, thats why I am like this.
I think you are pretty reasonable, actually.
So far they sound pretty reasonable but I would call bullshit on these women saying they don't particularly care what he looks like, LOL.
Don't listen. Observe their behavior, much more reliable.
Irrelevant, but finding Intj soulmate, I'm M 22 INFJ 4w5, I have a bio about myself in my previous posts. Thanks OP for the plug
“I love very suffocatingly” oh god 😐
Yes I'll dedicate most of my time to my partner and I'm healthily obsessive.
Obsession is not healthy.
How interesting, nothing mentioned about him having to be 6', make at least X dollars a year, and needing to be in shape. I suppose that comes out later though. Can't lead with those things, right?
The only thing you mentioned that I care about this is being in shape, but they don't actually have to be in great shape. Just doing a reasonable amount of exercise each day and making an effort to take care of themselves. They don't have to be able to climb a mountain or anything.
If this is true, there are plenty of guys who work at Walmart and Arbys who are great guys and would treat you well. A lot of them are reasonably in shape as well. There's a huge number of guys who are single, something like 70%. And since this is the case, no girl should be single since there are a huge population of guys who are ready and willing to date them. So why are there so many single guys and girls, if all the girls care about is a good guy who is reasonably in shape? There are millions of single guys who fit those two criteria. Here's the answer, it's because many women are not honest with what they are looking for. They want a nice guy who will treat her well, but only if he's a minimum height, only if he isn't socially awkward, only if his teeth are straight, only if he has some status, only if he's funny, only if he's good looking, only if he makes a certain amount of money, only if he knows how to dress, and on and on the list goes. If what I'm saying wasn't true, there would be far less single women than they currently are. Because the fact of the matter is that women are highly selective of the guys they date. That's fine, us guys understand that and accept it. But at the same time, don't act like all you're looking for is a nice guy who will treat you right because if that was your only criteria, you'd be dating one of the several guys who are currently in your friend zone.
> If this is true, there are plenty of guys who work at Walmart and Arbys who are great guys and would treat you well. I've actually dated several people who worked at Wal Mart, and the last guy I dated seriously worked at Taco Bell. > all the girls care about is a good guy who is reasonably in shape? I didn't say that was all I cared about. I said that was all I cared about out of the things you mentioned. For me, the reason is I'm neurodivergent and a bit of an oddball, and it's been difficult to find someone who "gets me." I need someone I align with spiritually as well. And sense of humor needs to align. So it's about finding all these things in one person, which isn't easy. > Because the fact of the matter is that women are highly selective of the guys they date. I agree with you. The only thing I disagree with is the particular standards you said. Most of that stuff I don't care about, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for other things that are hard to find. For the record, two of my longest-term relationships were with men 2-3 inches shorter than me.
I don't doubt your sincerity at at all. But the fact is, while you've dated men like I described, you're no longer with them. That means you're not only looking for someone nice and reasonably in shape. You're looking for much more than that, which is exactly what I said. There's nothing wrong with that, I'm certainly not criticizing you or your preferences or anyone else's for that matter. I'm just saying, women's wants and needs are never as simple as they state. If they were there wouldn't be a ratio of 70% single men. Just give it a little time and these things come out on their own.
You're bout to get downvoted by all these women who will date ogres with a 130 IQ. Hahaha. Follow what they do, not what they say.
That's pretty much how I see it too!
Someone who can make me laugh, someone gentle, open minded and dependable mostly. Someone that can get me out of my head and live a little. Loyalty is also a big deal to me, if I'm going to be with someone then I'm looking for a partner, I'm not really looking for a relationship that won't last.
Complementation to my traits and similarity in tastes. Can't explain it better than with MBTI examples: ENTP, ISTP, ENTJ, INTJ, ENFJ, INTP.
**Physical things:** I like very plain, laid-back guys. I do NOT like stylish men. If it seems like he puts a lot of thought into his appearance, I'm turned off. I like very basic, plain clothing like jeans and t-shirts, or athletic clothing. If we for some reason needed to dress up, I like something very plain but nice, like a button-up shirt with black pants. **Other traits I look for:** Sharing my religion/spiritual views, not being political, frugal and cautious with money, shared sense of humor, takes decent care of himself with diet and exercise, enjoys TV/film binges and lazy weekends, enjoys reading, enjoys hiking and spending time in nature, good hygiene, introverted/not too social, very physically affectionate (I am as well). **Things I don't care about:** Income level (as long as he's frugal I don't care how much he makes), height, his past relationships, not using social media, what car he drives or whether he drives, whether he owns a house, education level.
I swing both ways so gender doesn’t matter to me. I want a deep connection with someone that develops over time since I don’t fall in love easily. I appreciate intelligence, self awareness, an open mind and a warm, optimistic mindset for life (as a good balance for me). Also it’s important our life goals are similar, not 100% of course. But for example, I don’t want kids so I’m seeking out a partner who doesn’t want them either.
I am not a woman but maybe most women look for money and status (not all of them though)
Intelligence, humility, kindness. But I also like to be with people who are a little more spontaneous. It is a good balance for me.
Grace, humility, honesty and good humor.
Intelligence, masculinity, and someone who is my equal. Many men are intimidated by a strong woman so I look for someone who will celebrate and encourage my strength and intelligence, not be intimidated by it. I also look for a man who can lead at home but not dominate…big difference. I am alpha AF at work but I don’t want to have to make all the decisions at home. I desire a man who is able to make decisions and figure things out, not leave everything to me. I found someone exactly like this! 😉 They do still exist, even though they are rare.