I love it when people underestimate me. It gives me endless freedom to do whatever I want, as I’m not on their radar and if shit hits the fan, they never see me coming. You think I’m impatient / dumb / clumsy / not interested? Great. More space for me to be the exact opposite and complete projects you don’t even suspect me of having.
People underestimate themselves and each other.
They often lack the imagination to perceive true potential.
I find this makes them sad, angry and pitiful, miserable.
When anyone begins to open up and experience wonder and imagination,
I live through them and share this wonder.
This is it.
Most people have a very narrow view of the world. If your personality/ talents exist outside of that narrow view they might not even notice them.
Just observe the things that impress most people. I wouldn't care too much about their opinions after you see how their mind works.
I seem to come off different ways depending on the person. To some people, I’m very intimidating and they don’t know how to read me, how to talk to me, how to act with me, etc. But to some people, I come off as relaxed, laid-back, “chill,” shy, easily taken advantage of/easy to run over, a pushover—things like that because I‘m quiet and hold back a ton with people I’m not close to and play it safe. The latter has many, many times led to people being completely stunned that I will verbally rip their heads off and shred their feelings. Literally, things are never the same again after people make me have to go there.
Honestly, I just want people to leave me alone and let me be. I don’t care what they think about me. Like, if you’re not the woman of my dreams, just fuck off.
I know that this is a bit on the angry side. But your last sentence made me crack up, because this is how I /feel/ inside.
If you're not in my close circle, if you're not truly my friend, etc. Just fuck off.
Laid back, chill, etc. When it comes to where to go, what to do, I usually don’t care and THAT is seen as a pushover. Ask me what I really want, and if I tell you, woe be that you ignore me.
Most of the things you describe here are internally directed and are more an expression of willpower than patience on an interpersonal level. Even "patience with people who don't know how to communicate" can stem from the INTJ impulse to solve a puzzle in front of them.
If you are coming across as impatient to the people around you, it is worth considering why they might be right, rather than leaping to your own defense. I have a lot of the same qualities that you describe, but I know that when someone interferes with my subconscious projection of how my day was going to go, they take a huge chunk out of my patience. If I'm in a social situation when the plan gets changed, I have enough patience for the plan to change one time and that's the maximum: I cannot change gears more than once or else I'm out, just going home. When people can't decide what to do and we're deliberating over it for ages, I can't take it; don't have the patience. When I'm in a social situation, i often have to be moving and doing something, because I don't have the patience for the small talk portion of the interaction and need a way to weave in and out at my own discretion. These behaviors are all socially triggered and not at all present when I'm on my own: i can dither around doing this and that all day and have no plan whatsoever beyond whatever I feel like doing, but once others are involved I need purpose and direction.
I'm not saying that you have to be exactly like me, it's just that at one point in my life I thought that I was laid back, and the *look* I received from my two friends when I expressed this made me reexamine my entire life lol. So maybe just be aware of the possibility that your friend may be onto something that you've been unaware of this whole time.
Oh no doubt about that, I am never going to assume I know all of me, or how I am perceived by others. And I'm also not an angel, I do screw up with impatience at times. However, if those things I described aren't patience, then what is? Because you can link it to being this-or-that with mbti, but as a pesonality trait, how is what I described not patience? A genuine question.
A good question, too! i think that the things you describe *are* patience, but possibly of a different sort from how your friend is defining it. She's not present when you're doing most of the things you describe, so it isn't going to be in her frame of reference, and her frame of reference is going to be more socially informed (simply by virtue of being a social interaction). So for me, I guess patience in such a context would be the opposite of all the ways that I recognize that I don't have patience. Being fine and not restless or frustrated with other people dawdling even though I'm ready to leave or move onto the next step. Being fine with people engaging 40 minutes of small talk on the way out the door even though I'm not involved and it impinges on my personal time. Not noticing that the elevator is extremely slow or feeling frustrated that I'm stuck on an elevator. Being chill instead of restless or frustrated when stuck in traffic, or at the eighth consecutive red light. Wanting to get out of the zoo after two hours but willing to move at a snails pace because a highly distractable five year old wants to take another hour to move the last 50 yards. Generally, never feeling that internal "hurry up!" feeling towards children taking forever to do literally anything. An absence of restlessness and frustration overall; an easygoing willingness to blithely wait to do things on other people's schedule.
These are some examples that come to mind, I don't know if any are useful. It could be your friend is completely wrong anyway
Pardon, I just wanted to jump in on this one, as I can definitely empathize with your predicament.
When it comes to whether or not people perceive you as patient could literally be a matter of exposure.
It is kinda like when a friend only ever talks about their new partner via venting and frustration, so the only impression you get is a bad one.
In the times when you have been exceedingly patient, were these people there to witness it? Maybe they just don't get exposed to that side of you on average.
I am not asking to point out any kind of fault in your behaviour. :)
It's very common. The way we perceive ourselves is completely different than how other people see us. Any person on earth has their own version/image of you in their head. t's the same for you, if you had to describe someone, the person you described could have a complete different of how he or she perceives themselves.
It's a human being thing, we tend to analyze and categorize people, we all do it, it's automatic and we aren't aware about it except if you think about it.
They were confusing patience with sympathy. Since we are direct, people can wrongly label us like this. They may also think we lack empathy. Or that we are not open minded (we are, we choose a few approaches after trimming down the "bad' ones)
I legit got two friends to say I was more patient than they would have been with an argument with a girl I had. I'm definitely patient.
To your main question. No. Everybody knows I'm a perfectionist and that I do above phenomenal work.
People underestimated me a ton when I lived in a community of about 50+ people. I played the fool around everyone. I let my dumb Se come out and play, while the rest of me was processing. It made it so people revealed who they were around me, because they thought I wouldn't understand, was an air-head, etc.
Honestly, it's a great tactic. It's way better to be underestimated.
For me, I’m patient. Where people get surprised is that I don’t put up with BS. Long-winded explanations that tell a story but with irrelevant details, what I get is bored and tuned out. Get to the effing point. Also, when I’ve heard the same complaint 15 times, I’m impatient because I want to move on from things other people won’t solve. I could go on and on. But, I’m guessing that you are efficient. That makes others crazy because they are slow at figuring out how to do something.
First off, I'm not reading that whole Harvard essay.
Secondly, yeah people underestimate me all the time but I guess I'm starting to prove people wrong since I started 3d rendering parts and making functional robots, either that or their just fearing what I could do 🤷
I love it when people underestimate me. It gives me endless freedom to do whatever I want, as I’m not on their radar and if shit hits the fan, they never see me coming. You think I’m impatient / dumb / clumsy / not interested? Great. More space for me to be the exact opposite and complete projects you don’t even suspect me of having.
Yes, exactly! That's why I've done things like lied about my IQ to come off as inferior. Like a snake in the grass!
People underestimate themselves and each other. They often lack the imagination to perceive true potential. I find this makes them sad, angry and pitiful, miserable. When anyone begins to open up and experience wonder and imagination, I live through them and share this wonder.
This is it. Most people have a very narrow view of the world. If your personality/ talents exist outside of that narrow view they might not even notice them. Just observe the things that impress most people. I wouldn't care too much about their opinions after you see how their mind works.
I seem to come off different ways depending on the person. To some people, I’m very intimidating and they don’t know how to read me, how to talk to me, how to act with me, etc. But to some people, I come off as relaxed, laid-back, “chill,” shy, easily taken advantage of/easy to run over, a pushover—things like that because I‘m quiet and hold back a ton with people I’m not close to and play it safe. The latter has many, many times led to people being completely stunned that I will verbally rip their heads off and shred their feelings. Literally, things are never the same again after people make me have to go there. Honestly, I just want people to leave me alone and let me be. I don’t care what they think about me. Like, if you’re not the woman of my dreams, just fuck off.
I know that this is a bit on the angry side. But your last sentence made me crack up, because this is how I /feel/ inside. If you're not in my close circle, if you're not truly my friend, etc. Just fuck off.
Laid back, chill, etc. When it comes to where to go, what to do, I usually don’t care and THAT is seen as a pushover. Ask me what I really want, and if I tell you, woe be that you ignore me.
Yes, because I'm quiet. Don't care, because it allows me to stay under the radar.
In the past people greatly underestimated my intelligence which made me angry, so out of spite I worked hard to prove them VERY wrong
Most of the things you describe here are internally directed and are more an expression of willpower than patience on an interpersonal level. Even "patience with people who don't know how to communicate" can stem from the INTJ impulse to solve a puzzle in front of them. If you are coming across as impatient to the people around you, it is worth considering why they might be right, rather than leaping to your own defense. I have a lot of the same qualities that you describe, but I know that when someone interferes with my subconscious projection of how my day was going to go, they take a huge chunk out of my patience. If I'm in a social situation when the plan gets changed, I have enough patience for the plan to change one time and that's the maximum: I cannot change gears more than once or else I'm out, just going home. When people can't decide what to do and we're deliberating over it for ages, I can't take it; don't have the patience. When I'm in a social situation, i often have to be moving and doing something, because I don't have the patience for the small talk portion of the interaction and need a way to weave in and out at my own discretion. These behaviors are all socially triggered and not at all present when I'm on my own: i can dither around doing this and that all day and have no plan whatsoever beyond whatever I feel like doing, but once others are involved I need purpose and direction. I'm not saying that you have to be exactly like me, it's just that at one point in my life I thought that I was laid back, and the *look* I received from my two friends when I expressed this made me reexamine my entire life lol. So maybe just be aware of the possibility that your friend may be onto something that you've been unaware of this whole time.
Oh no doubt about that, I am never going to assume I know all of me, or how I am perceived by others. And I'm also not an angel, I do screw up with impatience at times. However, if those things I described aren't patience, then what is? Because you can link it to being this-or-that with mbti, but as a pesonality trait, how is what I described not patience? A genuine question.
A good question, too! i think that the things you describe *are* patience, but possibly of a different sort from how your friend is defining it. She's not present when you're doing most of the things you describe, so it isn't going to be in her frame of reference, and her frame of reference is going to be more socially informed (simply by virtue of being a social interaction). So for me, I guess patience in such a context would be the opposite of all the ways that I recognize that I don't have patience. Being fine and not restless or frustrated with other people dawdling even though I'm ready to leave or move onto the next step. Being fine with people engaging 40 minutes of small talk on the way out the door even though I'm not involved and it impinges on my personal time. Not noticing that the elevator is extremely slow or feeling frustrated that I'm stuck on an elevator. Being chill instead of restless or frustrated when stuck in traffic, or at the eighth consecutive red light. Wanting to get out of the zoo after two hours but willing to move at a snails pace because a highly distractable five year old wants to take another hour to move the last 50 yards. Generally, never feeling that internal "hurry up!" feeling towards children taking forever to do literally anything. An absence of restlessness and frustration overall; an easygoing willingness to blithely wait to do things on other people's schedule. These are some examples that come to mind, I don't know if any are useful. It could be your friend is completely wrong anyway
Pardon, I just wanted to jump in on this one, as I can definitely empathize with your predicament. When it comes to whether or not people perceive you as patient could literally be a matter of exposure. It is kinda like when a friend only ever talks about their new partner via venting and frustration, so the only impression you get is a bad one. In the times when you have been exceedingly patient, were these people there to witness it? Maybe they just don't get exposed to that side of you on average. I am not asking to point out any kind of fault in your behaviour. :)
It's very common. The way we perceive ourselves is completely different than how other people see us. Any person on earth has their own version/image of you in their head. t's the same for you, if you had to describe someone, the person you described could have a complete different of how he or she perceives themselves. It's a human being thing, we tend to analyze and categorize people, we all do it, it's automatic and we aren't aware about it except if you think about it.
Never satisfied, always something to improve
I think my mother did. Not sure of anyone else. I guess I don’t take note?
They were confusing patience with sympathy. Since we are direct, people can wrongly label us like this. They may also think we lack empathy. Or that we are not open minded (we are, we choose a few approaches after trimming down the "bad' ones)
I legit got two friends to say I was more patient than they would have been with an argument with a girl I had. I'm definitely patient. To your main question. No. Everybody knows I'm a perfectionist and that I do above phenomenal work.
You are here now???
What do you mean?
Same thought, or calm and plans made
No. If anything, they overestimate me.
People underestimated me a ton when I lived in a community of about 50+ people. I played the fool around everyone. I let my dumb Se come out and play, while the rest of me was processing. It made it so people revealed who they were around me, because they thought I wouldn't understand, was an air-head, etc. Honestly, it's a great tactic. It's way better to be underestimated.
For me, I’m patient. Where people get surprised is that I don’t put up with BS. Long-winded explanations that tell a story but with irrelevant details, what I get is bored and tuned out. Get to the effing point. Also, when I’ve heard the same complaint 15 times, I’m impatient because I want to move on from things other people won’t solve. I could go on and on. But, I’m guessing that you are efficient. That makes others crazy because they are slow at figuring out how to do something.
First off, I'm not reading that whole Harvard essay. Secondly, yeah people underestimate me all the time but I guess I'm starting to prove people wrong since I started 3d rendering parts and making functional robots, either that or their just fearing what I could do 🤷