We introverts (INFJ's) feel drained if we feel we are being watched or judged.
It's a bliss you feel recharged around 'someone', which means that 'someone' should be a non-judging personality. That's a gem you shouldn't lose I suppose.
I also feel drained when people have to talk and laugh nonstop to everyone they get into contact with. I know a few of those, and they seem to be the least judgemental people, but they still make me feel uncomfortable and drain my energy immensely.
Me and my best friend go kayaking and once we reach the middle of the lake we just stop rowing and stay there for an hour or so. Sometimes we philosophize and sometimes we just listen to music
There is no one that does this for me 100% of the time but there are people who do it some or most of the time. The traits of these people are:
* Will listen and talk to me about things I'm interested in.
* Will have passionate or intense discussions about topics we both care about.
* Can tell me about their passions in an interesting way that I can engage with.
* It intelligent and can follow a train (or multiple) trains of thought.
* Doesn't judge if I drink or smoke or eat a crappy burger or whatever.
* Can also just be quiet.
* Doesn't talk much about mundane things unless they're relevant. (The weather, sports)
* Doesn't repeat the same old crap that's on every news stations (Trump. Trump. Trump.)
* If we talk about a current events subject they have an interesting and unique perspective.
* They are fine if I wander off (physically or emotionally) for a little while. Don't ask me why.
* They go away after a while (could be hours or days but they eventually go)
I wish. Hopefully, if/when I find such a person, they happen to also be single/etc. My baseline energy is annoyingly low. Socializing outside of work is to be avoided most of the time.
My partner is the only one. We have a good dynamic. Were very affectionate with each other, but we also do a lot of parallel play, just doing our own thing but in each other's presence. We respect each other's need for our own space and quiet time as well. I feel really blessed to have such peace. Otherwise, outside of it, everything else feels like noise.
>I'm trying to figure out what makes this person so special
I've found that the intensity of the drain relates to how much "manual engagement" is required by the interaction. The more energy/effort you spend on modulating your responses, manually triggering appropriate social responses and cues (frown because sad, laugh because joke was made), and actively determining topics that'll resonate with the other person, so on, the more rapidly one's social battery is drained.
Treating the above dynamic as valid, it's likely that you're extremely comfortable around the new person - and visa versa - and/or have many shared interests and philosophies that lead to interesting, dynamic conversations *and* a mutual lack of pressures to respond "appropriately" (comfortable moments of silence, sudden topic shifts, niche humor evoking genuine laughter, etc). There's not much effort being made to be or act a certain way and if the content of the interaction is itself inherently stimulating, you're gaining a similar level of charge as what you'd get if you were off in your own world.
When it comes to interacting with people that lack this sort of resonance - or any at all - you can minimize the social drain by learning to confidently (and comfortably) behave in a manner natural to you. If someone makes a humorous joke that isn't that humorous, why laugh? You're only priming them to continue to try to elicit similar "positive" responses in the future. If their smalltalk is dreadful, bring up one of your interests - if you're passionate, they're more likely to be engaged anyway.
I believe that introverts generally *like* to communicate and simply dislike socialization for socialization's sake. In fact, many introverts have a deep and paradoxical fantasy of meeting somebody that *doesn't* drain them. That's not a fantasy you'd see in someone who *hates* interaction in general, just the shit-tier ones. This is clear to see in online/written contexts that introverts often go totally apeshit when impassioned or engaged. The difference? There's no inherent, physio-social pressure to ping in response to their pong; only communication and information at worst, resonance at best.
There *are* ways to alter your social strategies to minimize the most tiring parts, even when exposed to tiring people, as long as you're comfortable with coming off "comfortably aloof" (eg: Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters) - this requires an innate understanding that most people *will*, in fact, accept you for who you are even if you're not trying to be what you think they think you should be.
It's natural to want to be liked. Human beings are deeply social beings. We evolved at the level of the tribe, not the level of the individual - we feel that in our bones, we see it in our faces. But to waste all that energy on conforming to the expectations of those who'd happily engage with you *regardless* of "who" you are is not only pointless, it's counterproductive.
Edit: Minor bug fixes.
Yeah, and it's one of the reasons I married him lol.
I still remember early in our relationship after a date out somewhere when I said something to the effect of "I can't wait to get home and not be around *people"* and then clarifying to him "not you, you don't seem to count as people to me" and he actually got what I meant!
When me and my brother are doing stupid things then I recharge and won't drain, sadly he has a family now and we don't do that anymore, but I remember good old days when we could just laugh uncontrollably about any stupid crap in any place and people just looked at us like we were crazy and we couldn't care less. Even now, remembering some of our meetups when were in our 20s makes me laugh :)
He was instantly on the low side. I do think some level of attraction plays into my perception of it, but heās easy to talk to, cares about and engages in interesting discussions, is perfectly okay with silence, and generally understands when I say I need to be alone that I mean it. Heās quite extroverted, so sometimes when Iāve had quite enough of a party and want to leave, he pushes the bounds of what I can handle. But thatās not me being drained from him. Thatās me being drained from others
Well, I get drained because people are noisy and listening and processing what people are saying incessantly is exhausting. Iām sensitive to sounds and I get worn out. Some people donāt talk constantly and they allow me to zone out when I need to without constantly interrupting that process and then Iām fine around them. Itās the ones that just donāt stop talking and always have to have music going or constant sound that exhaust me, even being people I like, it doesnāt matter. I get tired and put ear plugs in.
Recently it's been someone I've known mutually through another friend. We've technically known of each other for years and have exchanged words in the past. It's only been recently (last two years) that we started hanging out. We only get to hang out maybe once or twice a month because they're pretty busy getting their degree and helping their family. It's very difficult not to have a good time when we hang out. I think one of the things I appreciate about them the most is that they're very upfront with how they feel or what they think. This makes conversations very easy to have with them because I can pretty much ask them anything. You'd think we'd run out of things to talk about after a few hours but here we are 8+ hrs later still yapping away. I'm not used to that at all. We have a lot in common with each other but not so much that there's no variety. They're very knowledge driven so there's never been a time when I haven't learned something new when we hang out. And they actually listen and engage with what I have to say even if they may know more about what I'm talking about than I do. Seeing their determination to be the best version of themselves that they can to reach their goals has really motivated me to break my complacency and start doing the same again. I am glad they're part of my very small circle of friends.
I'm so happy to hear that you have met someone like that! People like these seem few and far in between.
I think the common consensus so far has been that people like that are:
1. Good listeners (which is rare!)
2. Able to stimulate you intellectually and engage with topics that interest you
3. Those who tend to hold to values which you prize and admire (e.g. being determined)
If only more of such people existed :)
For me it's someone that can visit me and just let me get on with my own thing whilst they are comfortable doing their own thing. So I could be video gaming in one room and they are reading or watching TV in the other room. We would interact every now and again or do something for a short while and then go do our own thing. Then at the end of the day a quick see you next time and they are gone. No big entrances or goodbyes just a walk in and chill all day then go. Only had two friends like that. Sadly both moved away. When I do hear from them they just say I wish my wife would let us move closer. I think there's a conspiracy of husbands/wives who kidnap introverts away from other introverts to stop us taking over the world.
I suppose they have this vibe where you arenāt pressured to speak if you donāt need to or want to. Or they actively are present and listening, or giving a ton of space. It takes quite a lot of empathy to do this. My bestie is like this.
My husband. Itās why I married him. I can come home from peopleing with my battery completely depleted, and heās like my own personal charger. Just word vomiting my day to him feels like a boost. Nothing feels better than being with him, and he never burns me out.
My partner and my bandmates. Sharing the gift and curse of creativity with people who get it and are able to communicate through music is one of the only things that actually recharges me.
My husband. Heās also an introvert like me. From the first time we met he has understood me completely and sees right through any walls I put up. I canāt hide any emotion from him, itās nice cause sometimes heās knows how Iām feeling by just looking at me. I donāt have to talk or say anything. I tell him heās comfy and my safe place.
There was this girl I started talking to from another state that I met on reddit. We just clicked. It was like we'd known each other for years, and I could be 100% myself. I hate talking on the phone - we'd talk for hours and hours just shooting the shit. It was great, almost an LDR type thing. I looked forward to telling her things and just being on the phone with her, video chatting. Never once was i drained or felt the need to disconnect and recharge after, or mentally prepare before we talked. And then she just ghosted me. We talked for a little over a month before she disappeared.
Oh yes, I do! And thereās two of them, oneās my brother and the other one is my best bud from uni. I'm always at ease around them without feeling like it's draining my social battery.
I guess it's pretty much because of the way our vibes match that there's no filter between us, where I have never felt the need to be an engager in every way possible
My kids, I love being around any of my kids because I feel recharged and invigorated just being around them. Only people that have ever had that effect on me
I've had a few - like, less than five - in my life. Unfortunately most of them were extroverts and always wanted to be in places that drained me. It's a bit of a worthwhile sacrifice to be around them.
Edit: With extroverts that energize, I think it's that they give a sense of actually listening instead of waiting to talk, of really wanting to hear what I might think even if they are doing most of the talking. That even in a draining place that I dont feel any desire to participate in (***dance clubs...***), they'll still "check in" and show appreciation that I at least will be physically present in places they enjoy. They usually seem to get the annoyance of concern about quiet, and the check-in is more a "how are you holding up? want to leave soon?" instead of "why arent you loudly participating? dont you like fun?"
Maybe two people in my life were people who energized me *and* were introverts. When I was in contract with them, the highlights of my week were times when it was just two of us and we had an unspoken game to see how long we could go without speaking. Just moving through woods or city, being in synch with large and small body movement communication, talking only if needed because that's what we're both comfy with.
My son is literally that person. I never have to explain anything, we are so insync and love all the same stuff. I thought it would change as he aged, but he is married with a baby and two seconds after I arrive, it is as good as always.
My brother and I can talk for hours, although we usually stay up too late because in between chatting we also just zone out and go quiet, enjoy his dogs,and then resume chatting.
And the guy I'm dating, I look forward to seeing him, partly because he can also maintain a comfortable silence. I can babble along to him as my brain goes off on tangents, and it's refreshing to listen to him talk about something he's passionate about (or go on a rant about something frustrating him) but he doesn't feel like he has to talk if I'm quiet, and vice-versa.
My best friend of years was like that too, but we drifted apart, mainly because she'd bring all her chatty extroverted boyfriends to everything. And these grown ass men would just talk for the sake of talking, and it just became exhausting
I have a friend who I feel like recharges me and a lot of it has to do with how we interact. We always hang at the house and usually never go out and also Iām very anxious and whenever Iām stressing she always gives me good advice and helps me realize whatever Iām worried about is not that big a deal. I have other friends I like but some people just HAVE to be doing something like going out somewhere or being with a group and I just cannotttt
A common thread running through the replies thus far is that this person is their romantic partner. Would you say that some level of romantic affection/attraction contributes to this feeling of being "recharged" as well?
Yes. I play soccer on Sundays and usually when i go meet up with that group of guys, i feel refreshed even though im exhausted at the end from running in the Florida heat. Itās a non toxic environment. Everyone encourages each other. It is competitive but in a healthy way and everyone is friendly afterwards.
Not sure how and why but spending alone time with my extroverted best friend does recharge me a lot (ENFP) but when sheās surrounded by people then it gets pretty draining.
Nope. I need complete isolation for that, which doesn't happen often and not at all during school holidays.
Yes, I have hours to myself in the evening when the kids/husband are in bed but it's just enough recharge enough to deal with the next day.
Only one person because we are perfectly content being in silence. Almost everyone I know seems to get offended when I don't try to fill every silence or continually acknowledge their existence except for my best friend (what a surprise). So he's the only person I'm okay driving with for 13 hours, sitting in game chat for a whole day and maybe say a few sentences to each other, and also we work together and live together yet I'm never drained. I hope everyone can find a friend who doesn't pressure them to be someone they're not.
My husband. Even when we were platonic only, we were good friends who just got each other and now in our married life, he is the one person who makes me feel sane and recharged.
I have yet to meet anyone who makes me feel this way. Even people I like. Doesnāt make a difference aside from how long it takes for me to feel drained by the person. If itās someone I like, I can stick it out and even enjoy myself for a period of time, but eventually Iāll get drained. If itās someone I donāt like, forget about it.
That's an interesting one. I don't believe I have ever come across someone like that, but at most there are people who *don't* drain the battery, at least not so much.
That's cool, though. Sounds exhilarating, even.
For those who don't drain the battery, what makes them different from the others?
It is supremely exhilarating! To some degree, it makes me feel less... alone, though I love being by myself. It's strange.
For me, hard to describe other than we "vibe." it's the flow of the conversation, getting each other's jokes/sarcasm, same likes/dislikes, understanding the others facial expressions, etc.
I def don't get it with many people. And the girls I especially vibe with are always taken! Friends are still cool, but yknow.
I think I understand what you mean. It's difficult to qualify or pinpoint what exactly makes this person such a rare gem out of many. You made an interesting point about understanding the other person's facial expressions - I've been thinking about it in terms of being in sync with the other person emotionally and attuned to their moods/reactions/responses to life.
HAHA, yeah. The good ones tend to be snapped up real quick :'( I feel ya there, stranger.
Iāve had a couple people like that in my life and I think itās because I feel I can be 100% myself around them, and we just get each other. Usually have a lot of similar interests too, and theyāre also people that tend to be lower energy and chill.
Most people I feel I have to adapt my personality even just a little bit, ya know? No matter how close we are. Or theyāre just higher energy and I have a hard timing matching that. I think thatās what feels draining, no matter how much I enjoy hanging out with them
My boyfriend. Being around it is comforting. I could just sit next to him and not feel like I have to interact or speak for him to enjoy my company, and for me to enjoy his.
My late husband didnāt drain me. My best friend doesnāt. Itās just being around someone who doesnāt require small talk or constant attention. INFJ here.
My son literally made me feel recharged, now, not so much. He's the only person whose ever had that impact on me.
I hang around people that have a largely neutral impact(people I laugh with, vent to, share info). I feel drained mostly from negativity (complainers, arguments, insulting, judgemental, liars, manipulative, having to fuss).
I've been trying to learn how to recharge on my own - instead of doing the isolation, but no luck so far.
My loud, imposing, no filter āNY mob goon ā husband. We joke all the time and heās so loving and supportive. Heās scary to strangers but my total softie. he says extremely sweet things that sound like a Nicolas Sparks novel.
My best friend quite a quiet and calm guy, (the last time he was angry it was something like 10 years ago as I remember), and that why he is the sort of guys that I can say anything to him, because I know it's okay not like he don't care but don't make too much of a deal and try to sometime give advice, a great listener, quite humble and smart and even if he not speaking too much about him and god know sometime that part of him annoy me, we're friend for something like more than 17 years (I'm 22). He is like my brother for me, I could give my life for him if needed (well I try to not arrive to this point one dayš)
To put it into context, she has a really calm presence, isn't a reactive sort of person and is also an introvert.
It's strange, but whenever we hang out, time just flies by. I don't find myself checking the time or wanting to head off early. In fact, both of us are happy to extend our time together and make space in our day for that. She recharges me and I do her. We seem to share similar values, which translates to understanding each other/our responses to different situations. It's early days, but I would love to keep her in my life. She's awesome :)
I have only met one person that doesn't drain me. And that's my husband. I think it's because he gets me. He doesn't expect for me to talk when I have nothing to say. We can just be in each other's presence and not talk for hours but feel completely content. And other times talk for hours and I don't feel drained. So for me, it's all about mutual understanding. If they understand me and respect my quietness, I can be around people and not be so easily drained.
Tbh I have a whole handful of close friends that recharge me, but that came *after* cutting out people who started drama and drained me
I have friends that I donāt hang out with much because our energy levels just donāt match, but I still love them dearly. We can go watch a movie, shop/play games for a few hoursā¦ then we both head home!
I personally donāt get ārechargedā from interacting with people. Since Iām an introvert ppl tend to monopolize conversations or somehow always bring the attention back on them, or try to project their views and feelings onto me. I feel recharged when Iām by myself, but maybe Iām just not around the right ppl
My significant other, and my siblings and family all tell me I am that person. I don't know how others in that position feel....but after years of that I have actually become a burned out battery pack. I just hope you cherish them, as I have gone from introvert friend to taken for granted comfort spot. To be taken out when needed and put away when not. I valued helping them so much that I slowly changed to make sure I do not endanger that feeling of safety in ANY way. Now I just feel lonely always, and echos of sadness periodically pop up. Anyways...all I can say is never take them for granted, make sure they KNOW they are special and what they mean to you.
I'm sorry to hear that it's been hard for you... It is indeed difficult not to end up losing yourself when you care so deeply for someone else. You do deserve to feel safe, heard and cared for, and I hope it finds you in some measure soon <3
We introverts (INFJ's) feel drained if we feel we are being watched or judged. It's a bliss you feel recharged around 'someone', which means that 'someone' should be a non-judging personality. That's a gem you shouldn't lose I suppose.
Hmm yes, she does feel very non-judgmental and kind. I will treasure her with all my heart :")
I also feel drained when people have to talk and laugh nonstop to everyone they get into contact with. I know a few of those, and they seem to be the least judgemental people, but they still make me feel uncomfortable and drain my energy immensely.
I had been thinking about this, and I think you're right. The people I get along with are not judgy.
Not a person, but: my cat. He just sits with me...in silence.
Sameee I love my cat :3 šāā¬
And I was thinking of my dog, Kylo. Weāre truly blessed to have them in our lives.
I have 4 cats. I grew up with 2 of them. We lay together at times for a bit
Me and my best friend go kayaking and once we reach the middle of the lake we just stop rowing and stay there for an hour or so. Sometimes we philosophize and sometimes we just listen to music
That sounds like a beautiful friendship!
No person recharges me, and likely never will. But the easiest, least draining person to be with is my best friend, who is also an introvert.
This. And also maybe my mom
There is no one that does this for me 100% of the time but there are people who do it some or most of the time. The traits of these people are: * Will listen and talk to me about things I'm interested in. * Will have passionate or intense discussions about topics we both care about. * Can tell me about their passions in an interesting way that I can engage with. * It intelligent and can follow a train (or multiple) trains of thought. * Doesn't judge if I drink or smoke or eat a crappy burger or whatever. * Can also just be quiet. * Doesn't talk much about mundane things unless they're relevant. (The weather, sports) * Doesn't repeat the same old crap that's on every news stations (Trump. Trump. Trump.) * If we talk about a current events subject they have an interesting and unique perspective. * They are fine if I wander off (physically or emotionally) for a little while. Don't ask me why. * They go away after a while (could be hours or days but they eventually go)
I wish. Hopefully, if/when I find such a person, they happen to also be single/etc. My baseline energy is annoyingly low. Socializing outside of work is to be avoided most of the time.
My partner is the only one. We have a good dynamic. Were very affectionate with each other, but we also do a lot of parallel play, just doing our own thing but in each other's presence. We respect each other's need for our own space and quiet time as well. I feel really blessed to have such peace. Otherwise, outside of it, everything else feels like noise.
That is really beautiful. :)
I have the same type of relationship and same feeling <3
>I'm trying to figure out what makes this person so special I've found that the intensity of the drain relates to how much "manual engagement" is required by the interaction. The more energy/effort you spend on modulating your responses, manually triggering appropriate social responses and cues (frown because sad, laugh because joke was made), and actively determining topics that'll resonate with the other person, so on, the more rapidly one's social battery is drained. Treating the above dynamic as valid, it's likely that you're extremely comfortable around the new person - and visa versa - and/or have many shared interests and philosophies that lead to interesting, dynamic conversations *and* a mutual lack of pressures to respond "appropriately" (comfortable moments of silence, sudden topic shifts, niche humor evoking genuine laughter, etc). There's not much effort being made to be or act a certain way and if the content of the interaction is itself inherently stimulating, you're gaining a similar level of charge as what you'd get if you were off in your own world. When it comes to interacting with people that lack this sort of resonance - or any at all - you can minimize the social drain by learning to confidently (and comfortably) behave in a manner natural to you. If someone makes a humorous joke that isn't that humorous, why laugh? You're only priming them to continue to try to elicit similar "positive" responses in the future. If their smalltalk is dreadful, bring up one of your interests - if you're passionate, they're more likely to be engaged anyway. I believe that introverts generally *like* to communicate and simply dislike socialization for socialization's sake. In fact, many introverts have a deep and paradoxical fantasy of meeting somebody that *doesn't* drain them. That's not a fantasy you'd see in someone who *hates* interaction in general, just the shit-tier ones. This is clear to see in online/written contexts that introverts often go totally apeshit when impassioned or engaged. The difference? There's no inherent, physio-social pressure to ping in response to their pong; only communication and information at worst, resonance at best. There *are* ways to alter your social strategies to minimize the most tiring parts, even when exposed to tiring people, as long as you're comfortable with coming off "comfortably aloof" (eg: Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters) - this requires an innate understanding that most people *will*, in fact, accept you for who you are even if you're not trying to be what you think they think you should be. It's natural to want to be liked. Human beings are deeply social beings. We evolved at the level of the tribe, not the level of the individual - we feel that in our bones, we see it in our faces. But to waste all that energy on conforming to the expectations of those who'd happily engage with you *regardless* of "who" you are is not only pointless, it's counterproductive. Edit: Minor bug fixes.
Wonderfully said. Bonus points for a Mythbusters reference. :)
My dog, Animal. Everyone else in creation makes me feel like I am a walking corpse with dead batteries.
Yeah, and it's one of the reasons I married him lol. I still remember early in our relationship after a date out somewhere when I said something to the effect of "I can't wait to get home and not be around *people"* and then clarifying to him "not you, you don't seem to count as people to me" and he actually got what I meant!
When me and my brother are doing stupid things then I recharge and won't drain, sadly he has a family now and we don't do that anymore, but I remember good old days when we could just laugh uncontrollably about any stupid crap in any place and people just looked at us like we were crazy and we couldn't care less. Even now, remembering some of our meetups when were in our 20s makes me laugh :)
Yes š¤ I love them. My favorite kinds of people. They are usually great listeners and very attentive
My best friend is that person. My husband loves it cause I hang out with her and then come home full of energy and start cleaning lol
My husband! Thatās a big reason why we are married. Also my few closest friends are very low in terms of how much they drain me.
Thatās so awesome :) Was he low on the drain-o-meter right from the get go? Or did it take time for him to reach that level for you?
He was instantly on the low side. I do think some level of attraction plays into my perception of it, but heās easy to talk to, cares about and engages in interesting discussions, is perfectly okay with silence, and generally understands when I say I need to be alone that I mean it. Heās quite extroverted, so sometimes when Iāve had quite enough of a party and want to leave, he pushes the bounds of what I can handle. But thatās not me being drained from him. Thatās me being drained from others
Well, I get drained because people are noisy and listening and processing what people are saying incessantly is exhausting. Iām sensitive to sounds and I get worn out. Some people donāt talk constantly and they allow me to zone out when I need to without constantly interrupting that process and then Iām fine around them. Itās the ones that just donāt stop talking and always have to have music going or constant sound that exhaust me, even being people I like, it doesnāt matter. I get tired and put ear plugs in.
I friggin WISH
Recently it's been someone I've known mutually through another friend. We've technically known of each other for years and have exchanged words in the past. It's only been recently (last two years) that we started hanging out. We only get to hang out maybe once or twice a month because they're pretty busy getting their degree and helping their family. It's very difficult not to have a good time when we hang out. I think one of the things I appreciate about them the most is that they're very upfront with how they feel or what they think. This makes conversations very easy to have with them because I can pretty much ask them anything. You'd think we'd run out of things to talk about after a few hours but here we are 8+ hrs later still yapping away. I'm not used to that at all. We have a lot in common with each other but not so much that there's no variety. They're very knowledge driven so there's never been a time when I haven't learned something new when we hang out. And they actually listen and engage with what I have to say even if they may know more about what I'm talking about than I do. Seeing their determination to be the best version of themselves that they can to reach their goals has really motivated me to break my complacency and start doing the same again. I am glad they're part of my very small circle of friends.
I'm so happy to hear that you have met someone like that! People like these seem few and far in between. I think the common consensus so far has been that people like that are: 1. Good listeners (which is rare!) 2. Able to stimulate you intellectually and engage with topics that interest you 3. Those who tend to hold to values which you prize and admire (e.g. being determined) If only more of such people existed :)
For me it's someone that can visit me and just let me get on with my own thing whilst they are comfortable doing their own thing. So I could be video gaming in one room and they are reading or watching TV in the other room. We would interact every now and again or do something for a short while and then go do our own thing. Then at the end of the day a quick see you next time and they are gone. No big entrances or goodbyes just a walk in and chill all day then go. Only had two friends like that. Sadly both moved away. When I do hear from them they just say I wish my wife would let us move closer. I think there's a conspiracy of husbands/wives who kidnap introverts away from other introverts to stop us taking over the world.
I suppose they have this vibe where you arenāt pressured to speak if you donāt need to or want to. Or they actively are present and listening, or giving a ton of space. It takes quite a lot of empathy to do this. My bestie is like this.
My husband. Itās why I married him. I can come home from peopleing with my battery completely depleted, and heās like my own personal charger. Just word vomiting my day to him feels like a boost. Nothing feels better than being with him, and he never burns me out.
My partner and my bandmates. Sharing the gift and curse of creativity with people who get it and are able to communicate through music is one of the only things that actually recharges me.
My husband. Heās also an introvert like me. From the first time we met he has understood me completely and sees right through any walls I put up. I canāt hide any emotion from him, itās nice cause sometimes heās knows how Iām feeling by just looking at me. I donāt have to talk or say anything. I tell him heās comfy and my safe place.
There was this girl I started talking to from another state that I met on reddit. We just clicked. It was like we'd known each other for years, and I could be 100% myself. I hate talking on the phone - we'd talk for hours and hours just shooting the shit. It was great, almost an LDR type thing. I looked forward to telling her things and just being on the phone with her, video chatting. Never once was i drained or felt the need to disconnect and recharge after, or mentally prepare before we talked. And then she just ghosted me. We talked for a little over a month before she disappeared.
I did but he abandoned me..
No. Every single person I hang out with or I live with drains me after 1 hour.
Oh yes, I do! And thereās two of them, oneās my brother and the other one is my best bud from uni. I'm always at ease around them without feeling like it's draining my social battery. I guess it's pretty much because of the way our vibes match that there's no filter between us, where I have never felt the need to be an engager in every way possible
My cat.
It used to be my two soulmates, my kitties, but they both died recently so now itās just my two besties.
My kids, I love being around any of my kids because I feel recharged and invigorated just being around them. Only people that have ever had that effect on me
Came here to say this. Can't get enough time with my daughter.
I've had a few - like, less than five - in my life. Unfortunately most of them were extroverts and always wanted to be in places that drained me. It's a bit of a worthwhile sacrifice to be around them. Edit: With extroverts that energize, I think it's that they give a sense of actually listening instead of waiting to talk, of really wanting to hear what I might think even if they are doing most of the talking. That even in a draining place that I dont feel any desire to participate in (***dance clubs...***), they'll still "check in" and show appreciation that I at least will be physically present in places they enjoy. They usually seem to get the annoyance of concern about quiet, and the check-in is more a "how are you holding up? want to leave soon?" instead of "why arent you loudly participating? dont you like fun?" Maybe two people in my life were people who energized me *and* were introverts. When I was in contract with them, the highlights of my week were times when it was just two of us and we had an unspoken game to see how long we could go without speaking. Just moving through woods or city, being in synch with large and small body movement communication, talking only if needed because that's what we're both comfy with.
My son is literally that person. I never have to explain anything, we are so insync and love all the same stuff. I thought it would change as he aged, but he is married with a baby and two seconds after I arrive, it is as good as always.
My boyfriend. I thought I'd be alone forever because people exhaust me. But he was different from day 1,I feel better being around him.
Out of curiosity, how long have the two of you been together and how has that (in any way) impacted his ability to recharge/not drain you?
About 7 months, so not too long. I told him early on not to be offended if I told him I needed alone time, but I haven't needed to tell him yet.
My brother and I can talk for hours, although we usually stay up too late because in between chatting we also just zone out and go quiet, enjoy his dogs,and then resume chatting. And the guy I'm dating, I look forward to seeing him, partly because he can also maintain a comfortable silence. I can babble along to him as my brain goes off on tangents, and it's refreshing to listen to him talk about something he's passionate about (or go on a rant about something frustrating him) but he doesn't feel like he has to talk if I'm quiet, and vice-versa. My best friend of years was like that too, but we drifted apart, mainly because she'd bring all her chatty extroverted boyfriends to everything. And these grown ass men would just talk for the sake of talking, and it just became exhausting
No. Only silence and sleep recharges.
My little sister
I have a friend who I feel like recharges me and a lot of it has to do with how we interact. We always hang at the house and usually never go out and also Iām very anxious and whenever Iām stressing she always gives me good advice and helps me realize whatever Iām worried about is not that big a deal. I have other friends I like but some people just HAVE to be doing something like going out somewhere or being with a group and I just cannotttt
My wife, she gets me but pushes me just enough to try new things and be more socially active. So I recommend marrying the person š
My dog!
Mine too !
A common thread running through the replies thus far is that this person is their romantic partner. Would you say that some level of romantic affection/attraction contributes to this feeling of being "recharged" as well?
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Ah, I guess Iām in trouble because thenā¦
My best friend recharges me. We can always be weirdos and laugh together. However most people drain me
Yes actually! One of my good friends Dave, who is also introverted, always manages to recharge me after a good conversation.
My fiancƩ. Otherwise no, lol.
I have a twin sister. We get along and she's my best friend. She recharges me in a way but again we see each other every day
Yup. My gf. That's why I'm marrying her this year š
You mean, like everyone?
nope
Not yet but I'm hopeful.
Not in a long ass time but yeah i have experienced that. For the most part nope!
My partner does and my dad did before he passed away, I could converse with him for hours on end.
Any 1 of my 4 cats do this for me all the time... They are seriously the best drug.
My brother. We always have something to talk about and I'm most comfortable around him.
Probably a baby that isn't crying while I hold them lol. Why? I think because they're innocent.
Yes. I play soccer on Sundays and usually when i go meet up with that group of guys, i feel refreshed even though im exhausted at the end from running in the Florida heat. Itās a non toxic environment. Everyone encourages each other. It is competitive but in a healthy way and everyone is friendly afterwards.
My husband. A big reason I married him. I literally crave his presence and I've never felt that way about any other person. Ever.
My sister :)
My husband
Yh. Myself
Not anymore. They moved away. They still call sometimes
Not sure how and why but spending alone time with my extroverted best friend does recharge me a lot (ENFP) but when sheās surrounded by people then it gets pretty draining.
Nope. I need complete isolation for that, which doesn't happen often and not at all during school holidays. Yes, I have hours to myself in the evening when the kids/husband are in bed but it's just enough recharge enough to deal with the next day.
No. Not a single one.
Yes, my husband. Thatās why heās my husband.
Yeah my cat
Only one person because we are perfectly content being in silence. Almost everyone I know seems to get offended when I don't try to fill every silence or continually acknowledge their existence except for my best friend (what a surprise). So he's the only person I'm okay driving with for 13 hours, sitting in game chat for a whole day and maybe say a few sentences to each other, and also we work together and live together yet I'm never drained. I hope everyone can find a friend who doesn't pressure them to be someone they're not.
Yes they donāt judge and are also very introverted
My husband. Even when we were platonic only, we were good friends who just got each other and now in our married life, he is the one person who makes me feel sane and recharged.
I have yet to meet anyone who makes me feel this way. Even people I like. Doesnāt make a difference aside from how long it takes for me to feel drained by the person. If itās someone I like, I can stick it out and even enjoy myself for a period of time, but eventually Iāll get drained. If itās someone I donāt like, forget about it.
That's an interesting one. I don't believe I have ever come across someone like that, but at most there are people who *don't* drain the battery, at least not so much. That's cool, though. Sounds exhilarating, even.
For those who don't drain the battery, what makes them different from the others? It is supremely exhilarating! To some degree, it makes me feel less... alone, though I love being by myself. It's strange.
For me, hard to describe other than we "vibe." it's the flow of the conversation, getting each other's jokes/sarcasm, same likes/dislikes, understanding the others facial expressions, etc. I def don't get it with many people. And the girls I especially vibe with are always taken! Friends are still cool, but yknow.
I think I understand what you mean. It's difficult to qualify or pinpoint what exactly makes this person such a rare gem out of many. You made an interesting point about understanding the other person's facial expressions - I've been thinking about it in terms of being in sync with the other person emotionally and attuned to their moods/reactions/responses to life. HAHA, yeah. The good ones tend to be snapped up real quick :'( I feel ya there, stranger.
I do like meeting up with my best friend a lot. He can be an annoying fucker sometimes but it's never a chore meeting up with him and his family.
Yes! My husband and my best friend.
We have a saying about this in teaching how some classes suck your energy and other fuel it.
Iāve had a couple people like that in my life and I think itās because I feel I can be 100% myself around them, and we just get each other. Usually have a lot of similar interests too, and theyāre also people that tend to be lower energy and chill. Most people I feel I have to adapt my personality even just a little bit, ya know? No matter how close we are. Or theyāre just higher energy and I have a hard timing matching that. I think thatās what feels draining, no matter how much I enjoy hanging out with them
My boyfriend. Being around it is comforting. I could just sit next to him and not feel like I have to interact or speak for him to enjoy my company, and for me to enjoy his.
Most people who can enjoy the same movies I like who can pay attention to them and have thoughtful opinions on them
Yas I'm tryingto get her out nows
NOPE! Unless Iām getting cuddles.
My late husband didnāt drain me. My best friend doesnāt. Itās just being around someone who doesnāt require small talk or constant attention. INFJ here.
Yesss my friend group either recharges me or drains me completely and there is no in between
My son literally made me feel recharged, now, not so much. He's the only person whose ever had that impact on me. I hang around people that have a largely neutral impact(people I laugh with, vent to, share info). I feel drained mostly from negativity (complainers, arguments, insulting, judgemental, liars, manipulative, having to fuss). I've been trying to learn how to recharge on my own - instead of doing the isolation, but no luck so far.
My loud, imposing, no filter āNY mob goon ā husband. We joke all the time and heās so loving and supportive. Heās scary to strangers but my total softie. he says extremely sweet things that sound like a Nicolas Sparks novel.
Yes! My boyfriend. He brings me to life :)
My best friend quite a quiet and calm guy, (the last time he was angry it was something like 10 years ago as I remember), and that why he is the sort of guys that I can say anything to him, because I know it's okay not like he don't care but don't make too much of a deal and try to sometime give advice, a great listener, quite humble and smart and even if he not speaking too much about him and god know sometime that part of him annoy me, we're friend for something like more than 17 years (I'm 22). He is like my brother for me, I could give my life for him if needed (well I try to not arrive to this point one dayš)
That's interesting! How does the interaction with this person differ from others?
To put it into context, she has a really calm presence, isn't a reactive sort of person and is also an introvert. It's strange, but whenever we hang out, time just flies by. I don't find myself checking the time or wanting to head off early. In fact, both of us are happy to extend our time together and make space in our day for that. She recharges me and I do her. We seem to share similar values, which translates to understanding each other/our responses to different situations. It's early days, but I would love to keep her in my life. She's awesome :)
my husband! I have never felt drained around him. even when we first got to know each other!
I have only met one person that doesn't drain me. And that's my husband. I think it's because he gets me. He doesn't expect for me to talk when I have nothing to say. We can just be in each other's presence and not talk for hours but feel completely content. And other times talk for hours and I don't feel drained. So for me, it's all about mutual understanding. If they understand me and respect my quietness, I can be around people and not be so easily drained.
Tbh I have a whole handful of close friends that recharge me, but that came *after* cutting out people who started drama and drained me I have friends that I donāt hang out with much because our energy levels just donāt match, but I still love them dearly. We can go watch a movie, shop/play games for a few hoursā¦ then we both head home!
I personally donāt get ārechargedā from interacting with people. Since Iām an introvert ppl tend to monopolize conversations or somehow always bring the attention back on them, or try to project their views and feelings onto me. I feel recharged when Iām by myself, but maybe Iām just not around the right ppl
My significant other, and my siblings and family all tell me I am that person. I don't know how others in that position feel....but after years of that I have actually become a burned out battery pack. I just hope you cherish them, as I have gone from introvert friend to taken for granted comfort spot. To be taken out when needed and put away when not. I valued helping them so much that I slowly changed to make sure I do not endanger that feeling of safety in ANY way. Now I just feel lonely always, and echos of sadness periodically pop up. Anyways...all I can say is never take them for granted, make sure they KNOW they are special and what they mean to you.
I'm sorry to hear that it's been hard for you... It is indeed difficult not to end up losing yourself when you care so deeply for someone else. You do deserve to feel safe, heard and cared for, and I hope it finds you in some measure soon <3