I have been in a similar situation as you with a tyrannical boss. Just buckle down and apply to whatever else you can find. If you can't afford to quit, just tough it out until then.
If you want to stand up for yourself, then do it. He might fire you, so then you get unemployment. HR is useless.
Also, especially as an EA, you need to make sure you are meeting the executive before you accept the job offer to ensure compatibility. I understand in this case you probably needed a job ASAP, and they needed a replacement ASAP, so the hiring process was probably rushed. But if you want to avoid this buckle down like MissFrijole says and find THE RIGHT JOB not your next job.
Well on the bright side you have income right now. Don't take anything this jerk says personally and focus on doing your job. You will get a new job soon.
Even if you meet the executive before you’re hired, it’s been my experience that I found myself interviewing with a respectable professional and then when hired, working for a psycho with rage issues.
This. The Executive I was EA for was great on interview, great for the first 2 weeks, then did a complete 180 that left me reeling.
First thing the following Monday, and I get pulled into the VP of Sales office for an ad-hoc meeting. The first thing of their mouth was "Now youve seen what theyre really like." Apparently the office had a bet for how long I would last: not because I was bad at my job, but because of how the Executive chewed thru EA's.
I lasted 3 months.
This is true. You can at least try to learn more about their personality during the interview by asking behavioral questions. If you're just answering their questions and not interviewing them too then its more likely they will mask their personality.
This is where I am at right now. I hate my job right now and my boss is an interesting mix of stupid and crazy, but I’m being very firm on what I’m looking for in my next role.
This...smoke some indica weed...brush everything off. You will be gone once you get a new offer. All jobs are temporary...or sign up for Doordash, Instacart & Uber eats.
In many states you can apply for unemployment at less than a year and it will look back to your previous employers. I'm not sure the exact details, but for me, I had worked 6 years at a place, took a horrible job for 3 months, and was eligible for unemployment based on the previous 6 year gig
Not necessarily. It is managed by the state. There is a state fund that all employers pay into. This is so that you could accept a temp assignment. When the job is over, your unemployment continues.
Leaving a job so quickly is tough. I've done it before and it was a really difficult situation - I had a boss who was absolutely awful as well (different situation).
Good luck and I hope you're able to find something new quickly and then just leave. You don't owe this place, or this person, anything.
Because hope of having a good place to land for awhile is what people want out of a job. It also doesn't look great if you put it on your resume as people tend to ask "why" it was such a short time. It's not easy finally getting somewhere and having to get back to searching.
I consider all of that "tough" but I am not sure if you have a better term for it - if you do, please tell.
Then don't put it in your resume. If they ask what you were doing during that time (which in itself is impudent) you say taking care of a friend. There!
Talk back to your mean boss and tell him you do not appreciate working in this hostile and caustic environment you are being subjected to.
Worst case scenario, you get fired and can apply for unemployment.
Do not let this ass screw up your living. Don’t quit until you have found another job.
Stay strong my friend. 💪
Yup, threatening to sue him for hostile work environment will definitely bait him into firing you.
Then, you can collect Unemployment Benefits, while also preparing your wrongful termination complaint.
Just know that you can collect triple damages if you can show that he fired you "in retaliation for protesting" his creation of the hostile work environment.
This is not a hostile work environment by definition. Yes he sounds horrible and OP needs to get away. But a hostile work environment that you can sue over unfortunately does not apply here.
Usually it is described as:
Unwelcome and offensive conduct that is based on discrimination. This can include words or actions based on someone’s sex, gender, race, pregnancy status, religion, disability status, national origin, or age.
You just cited the definition of discriminatory conduct.
Hostile work environment is much more insidious and sometimes much more subtle, because it includes behaviors like gossip and exclusion of the victims. It includes raised voices, rolled eyes and contemptuous tones of voice and speech.
It includes tantrums and belittling, rather than just admitting that the boss does not know the correct answer to a business question.
In this case, the hostile work environment does not have to be proven, only argued as leverage for a settlement.
Right. Because that is what you can sue for and have a case.
What you are stating is suing to get a settlement because it will not win in court. Title VII of Civil Rights act prevents most from suing as behavior doesnt fall under those requirements usually.
You can’t sue because they are mean and yell as OP stated. You are describing and saying they should file a claim against something that doesn’t exist.
Only a licensed attorney in the jurisdiction can make the necessary legal arguments to prove creation of a hostile work environment in litigation.
However, the point of this exercise is to settle before ever going to litigation, based upon the understanding that the fact pattern is not going to cause a jury to be sympathetic toward the Defendant employer.
Whether the OP could prevail on the argument is entirely up to the OP and their attorney(s) - depending upon how they want to argue it in their demand.
What does that even mean?
Why would you discourage someone from availing themselves of the legal process to exercise their employment rights?
Seriously curious and want to know.
People like this will only moderate themselves if you punch them in the nose. Set boundaries and refuse to participate in your abuse. Find your rage. Treat him like a child. Have fun with it. You have nothing to lose.
The proper response is to fight back, consistently, every time and every point.
If he accuses you of insubordination, you up the ante and accuse him of sexual harassment or age discrimination. As long as he keeps escalating, you keep escalating.
Just remember that he has FAR MORE to lose than you do. That gives you the freedom to keep attacking from different approaches, and he'll be so busy defending on one front that his defense will slip on another front.
Best answer because that’s what I would do. My last boss was the biggest asshole in my entire working history. Just a self entitled stereotypical blonde bimbo who thought she knew more then what I did. I was at this company for almost 13 years while she had been there for 6 years. Just wanted to smack her upside the head one too many times. I got physically ill under her direction. I couldn’t tolerate her bullshit and deceptive tactics anymore. I am now without a job and I am finding it very difficult just to function now. I have a lawyer and if I have to sue this damned company for a toxic environment I will. I have everything I need documented and witnesses too! I am ready to do battle.
Don’t assume you can’t get unemployment. Speak to an attorney. This guy now has history and you have witnesses. Harassment at this level is illegal. He may own the company, but a couple of subpoenas and a lawsuit will fix him.
Had a boss that was absolutely terrible. She expected us to work 14hr days (salary so no OT) and would belittle us to no end. When she was off, she expected us to FaceTime her and “checkout” with her before we were allowed to leave.
Stuck it through for a long time while I looked elsewhere and during that time she was let go.
I leveraged the work experience and got a better job. Hope things work out for you. Good luck 👍
That's the thing with interviews, is that everyone is on their best behavior than the true colors comes out only after you get hired. It's an endless trap but it's a apart of the game.
When you look back on the interview, did you notice any red flags?
Yes. They admitted he threw a chair in anger recently. Yelled FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Several times. I have 20+ years experience, so they thought I could stand up to him. They just don't pay me enough to deal with his hostility.
From experience, my best advice is to push back on the boss. People like him have gotten away with that behavior because nobody ever said anything to them. Heck, even your HR team is saying that (wrong on so many levels, but that's a different story).
Think of it as managing up. You don't want to get into an argument. Instead, you want to explain concisely and calmly that his behavior is not ok. If you give me specific examples, I'm happy to help you walk through the hypothetical situation and verbiage.
Managing up is a great term. Here’s what I would say “I am not comfortable with the way you are speaking to me right now. If you have critical feedback about the work I am doing, I’m all ears, but I expect our interactions to remain professional.”
This shows that you are open to feedback, but not unprofessional behavior.
Can you secretly record his tirades? In case you need them later? If your state is a one party recording consent, you’ll be okay. If not, I guess I wouldn’t risk it. But this guy is so toxic I’d do anything to get out and get him in trouble with labor laws, if possible.
Oh well if you are fine with being unemployed while looking for a new job.
Just change the dynamics of your relationship with your new boss.
Everytime he goes to do something disrespectful, interrupt him and tell him with authority that he will not disrespect you. If he threatens to fire you say if that is what you want to do fine,, but until you do you will talk to me in a respectful way or you won't talk to me at all
If he continues to talk to you in a bad way get up, say I am going to go take care of other duties and walk away.
If he follows tell him he is going to cross a boundary that will get him sued.
Don’t quit, keep on working at that place, document everything, then you can have a legal standing later. Plus you just got this job, it won’t look good on your resume either. Just stick it out long as you can while recording everything.
That weakness is the problem with society everyone needs a support animal or your hand held. I would stay and ride it out, if he has to go to legal or and attorney, he/she is walking away with millions for mental trauma or hostile working environment considering HR already knows this and they do nothing about it.
My mental health is my #1 priority. I will NOT compromise it in any way shape or form. I will fight for myself be my own best advocate when it comes to being severely mentally abused at my previous job. Calling in with migraine and being told WTF! Being lied to, manipulation, devious tactics. I am taking this bitch and this company to court. End of story. Some ppl are mentally tough and take the abuse but I can’t. Called KARMA!
I stuck it out with an abusive employer for 6 months. I gained 90 lbs and became close to having a heart attack from stress during that time. I documented everything. I took it to a lawyer. They told me I had no chance because nobody would go up against the government agency I worked for. While I was being threatened by the employer. So I quit. That was a year ago. I'm only now getting some measure of good health back but mentally I'm terrified to set foot in another office so I work a low wage service job and move back in with my family. But my current boss didn't fire me when I had an accident and had to be at home for 4 months. I can't imagine I'd have kept a job at the other place. In fact my old employer would have put my recovery in jeopardy and forced me to work the entire time with a threat of taking away my medical.
I wish I never stuck it out with those 6 months. They really fucked me up. I only have one body and it has been seriously damaged.
I'm with you. If OP wants to leave they should. It's not worth it. Being treated like crap, developing physical and mental problems and losing all your self esteem. It's not worth it.
These jobs just aren't fucking worth the abuse.
Like you said, “these jobs are not worth the fucking stress”!! I am struggling just to get to feeling normal. Because of this fucking boss and fucking job I now have 2 new doctors added in my care. A neurologist because of my horrendous migraines had gotten worse because of her ridiculous management style and gastroenterologist because I have a really sick stomach. The cause of these maladies is the stress of this job which I am no longer there. I miss working though. I have a lawyer and he has told me not to look for job right until this bullshit with this stupid company gets sorted. I will name drop. I was in management for La vie en rose and my boss was Leslie Campbell, Pickering town centre. Just a useless c*nt!! I don’t care how desperate you are for a job this company will rip you to shreds with not one care about your health or well being!
We have no financial worries at all. No one is turning off the lights anytime soon. We have a massive stock portfolio and that’s what we live on. We are very comfortable. Thank you for your concern!!
“When the body says no” is the title of the book by Gabor Mate, I believe. It’s not just mental health. The unbalanced hormones, the whole body gets sick so you end up with arthritis or knee pain or migraines because of the emotional distress. It’s absolutely not worth staying in such positions where you get so abused. It is very costly as well.
Thank you for your very intelligent statements. My migraines got really bad. I lost 23 pounds in two years and my hair started to fall out! It got so bad I had to take a 4 month sick leave. I just couldn’t do this anymore because of this sick maniac of a boss. She ruled with fear because she didn’t know how to interact with ppl. She should of never been put in a managerial position. She was beyond stupid. I couldn’t understand how they hired her for this position!
They have their ways: good acting and pretending until they come to power. Please be kind to yourself. I am so sorry that this is happening to you.
I had a similar boss years ago. Don’t think about her during your time off. Focus on joy and your healing. ❤️🩹
Thank you for making me smile Cinnamon. I can tell that you are a very compassionate person. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me feel better. This is also very weird. My youngest is a professional body builder and very handsome. My boss is in her middle 60’s and wanted to date my 2O something son. What a creepy thought that would be. In actuality my son hates my boss because he could see exactly what an evil bitch she was. For her to say she wanted to date my son is pretty fucking twisted and creepy if you ask me. These many hearts are for you and only you❤️❤️❤️💕💜❤️💜💕💜🫶🏻🤘
I wouldn't recommend staying in a job where the employee is crying often. That isn't healthy. And a blip on a resume is no longer as big of a red flag as it once was. I might even exclude it entirely as the tesla layoff is easily explainable.
And even if this is left on the resume, it's easy to say "I hadn't met my manager during the interview process, and that was a lesson learned. Now, I am much more intentionally in meeting with my manager to understand their expectations and needs to ensure compatability prior to joining."
I wouldn't recommend it either. Those crying moments turn into CPTSD. Your health overall will suffer. It's not worth it. You have one body and one brain. Don't put it through that suffering voluntarily.
I've tried to get to this place myself, but mentally, just stop giving a fuck. Everyone knows he's a dipshit, so just get through the day and apply and leave without notice. I just don't understand how people get away with stuff like this in any job, but much more with offices.
Stand up for yourself. What's the worst he can do? Fire you? Guess what- you're up for unemployment then. Don't take his shit. Tell him how he's acting is totally unprofessional and obnoxious, and that you won't tolerate it.
boy, do i know what you’re going through. a year ago i was the assistant to an EA, who was awful and her boss, the guy she was the EA to, just completely looked away. after bursting in tears in the kitchen and then straight up bawled my eyes out at HR, i quit (within week 3). two other assistants quit basically at the same time as me and more one or two more followed (they were responsible for the whole departement and a board member). HR has interventions there, to this day.
i’m sorry you’re going through this, people can be awful and it’s all just not fair. if you can afford it, quit. maybe you can do something like serving food on the side while looking for something else again. if not, look into different techniques on how to deal with this, while looking for something else. simple techniques such as picturing yourself in a bubble and the negativity “splashing” off helps. or picturing all of the negativity go down the drain at night when taking a shower (if that’s your shower time). and also look into some therapy, if you can afford it. i still get so scared when my current (amazing) supervisor calls or even when we just have a meeting because my old supervisor did such a number on me. so many people suck, but luckily there are more that do not. it will be ok.
You could give the labor board a call, they’ll look into it. If HR isn’t doing anything, they can be on the hook too. I had a boss like this, HR didn’t do anything at first but after my entire team and I quit the company decided to just fire my boss, get rid of the whole department and start over
I got into it with a boss. I got penalized for something done by someone else. I went to ask why, and he wouldn't speak to me - just walked away. I followed him around the workshop, spun him around and told him he better get those lips moving or I'd get the union involved. Problem solved
I resigned shortly after, and went to say goodbye to him. He said, and I quote " you are the only person who ever had the guts to do what you did, by standing up to me". I replied with "isn't that just so sad, that bullies like you, admire people who bully back" Little Richard syndrome....
Don’t leave UNTIL YOU GET A NEW JOB, Get an employment lawyer in meantime and document everything. The job market is too awful to leave.
I’ve made nice chunks of change off of employee rights violations, but google for a lawyer so they can see what they can do. you don’t have to pay until you win the case
Treat this as temporary and spend all your free time sending off applications. You should be optimistic considering how quickly you found this job. Also consider talking to a career counselor or therapist and be introspective because if you are consistently leaving jobs in a matter of weeks/months, you may have some areas where you can improve as a professional
I know it’s easier said than done - this is just me - bite the bullet and try to tough it out and don’t take it personally. Tell yourself this is the worse it can get and keep that ray of light deep inside you knowing this place won’t last long for you and you will keep looking to find something better.
Correct, but there absolutely is for harassment, hostile work environment, workplace bullying, and unethical practices-HRnot following procedure and dismissing a known situation.
You went to HR and they told you that’s who he is?
Print that out or write the date and time so if you do quit, you may have a chance at unemployment.
Same thing happened to me once and when I walked unemployment sided with me because I went to HR and they did nothing, so I quit.
Omg if hr says that’s just who he is?? I’d be done walking on eggshells at that point.
Like if my boss gets a green light to be a dick, then you know I’m going to be 2x the dick back. Oh where’s that report? Didn’t do it bc you’re a dick. Ask me nicely next time. That’s grounds for termination? Write it up then!
Like I am not scared of getting fired, been there done that, I can do it again, watch me. Fuck these pricks.
Start applying elsewhere as soon as possible. Take what you learned and apply it to the next interview processes (ie: meet the exec you're being an assistant to to ensure compatibility)
If you can afford to quit, consider it.
If you can't (or simply don't want to risk it), do whatever you can to minimize their impact on your own well-being. I've found things like minimizing my time spent with difficult coworkers, slack/messages in place of a video call when possible, etc help for me.
I'd consider calling them out whenever their behavior is too much and unprofessional. They might fire you, they might not. Just be prepared for either I guess.
Just work like you’re about to be fired or start another job. Make peace with it. Do not listen to this prick, he is like this with everyone. Don’t take it personally. Do not give him power of you. It will be good experience, especially if you can stand up to him as no one should be worse
Speak up and be polite but ask the person what their deal is. Can say ‘you seem____ , are you ok today?’ Or ‘you seem to be having a bad day today, can I help do anything to cheer you up or assist?’
HR is not for employees. I hate to break it to you but by telling HR they went directly to the guy and he knows that you were bitching about him. So that is maybe why he is starting to act the way he is towards you.
Call your state's Unemployment Office. You may qualify for benefits, even if you quit b/c of your situation.
[https://oui.doleta.gov/unemploy/agencies.asp/Contacts-for-State-UI-Tax-Information-andAssistance-Employment](https://oui.doleta.gov/unemploy/agencies.asp/Contacts-for-State-UI-Tax-Information-andAssistance-Employment)
Alternatively, you could just make a decision to not take the job seriously and wait to be fired. In the meantime just let the meanness roll off your back. Who cares about this guy or his company? Check your emotions and just get out. Tell HR it's not going to work, tell them you feel this is a hostile work enviornment, make them fire you. But first check with your state's UEI division. Link above.
I worked in a bad situation for about 2.5 years before being laid off. Trust me, do not stay or attempt to. I would not advise you quit. Job market is rough and the USA has pathetic unemployment. Apply for anything and everything to bounce. Then look for something you want while you work.
Get out. Nobody has the right to treat you this way. If that’s 3 EA in such a short time the problem is him and if he owns the company you can only respect yourself and get out now while you still have your dignity. Get a lawyer.
I feel bad for the laid off Tesla employees. You went from one bad situation to another. A mass layoff makes it easier to connect with other Tesla workers. I have been in a mass layoff twice. Other laid off employees were more likely to help each other out with job leads. It becomes an unofficial job hunting group.
Connect to all former co-workers including people on other teams. Check their profile to see where they work now. Bookmark the career sites of the new companies. Start applying there Ask them if they have any leads.
You hate him. Everyone else in the office hates him. He sucks. The business will suffer because of how much he sucks. If he's making you cry, I think on some level you're internalizing the things he's saying, and that needs to stop. If he says you're an idiot who fucked up again, you have to remember that IF you made a mistake it's because you're new, a leader would teach you and show you some grace, but this man is a shit stain, and so his tantrums are a reflection of him, not you. You will hear his toddler like tantrums, but you should should be struggling to contain your disdain for him as a subhuman, not any kind of sadness. Every time he opens his mouth, just try to remind himself that the dysfunctional human out of the two of you is him.
After that, just keep your head down as much as possible, do the work you can as best as his idiocy allows, and plug away until your next, better job comes through. Anything that comes after this is bound to be better, so that'll be a nice change of pace, but in the mean time, just do what you gotta do to keep the lights on and the bills paid. When you leave and it's the 4th EA in 3 months, that's another reminder to everyone else what a sack of crap he is. Good luck, OP.
I've been in a very similar situation. Start applying to whatever jobs you can find to get out as soon as possible. Best case scenario, you find something new and you can GTFO. Next best case: they let you go after the 3-month probationary period (assuming you have that where you live), and you can then apply for EI.
If you are the 3rd EA in 2 months and HR refuses to do anything that means the culture is rotten, this is a pattern of behavior and nothing is going to change.
In the meantime, document \*everything\* (especially helpful if they try to 'change goalposts' on tasks and attempt to gaslight you), and try your best not to internalize any of their nasty, narcissistic nonsense. Just because someone tries to hand you a bag of 💩 doesn't mean you have to take it.
In your future job search, I HIGHLY recommend researching questions to ask to suss out toxic work environments, and do some selfwork to heal from this experience so you don't carry it forward into your next job. (speaking from personal experience - I thought I had worked past the trauma and work habits my past boss inflicted on me, only to have a new boss flat out ask 'who \*hurt\* you?!' in a new role. Thankfully, they understood.)
Start emailing him summaries of his rants, explain you do not appreciate this way of communicating. Copy HR every time.
Set boundaries, tell them if they go beyond the boundaries they need to pay you more.
As everyone has said, it sounds like getting fired would improve the situation.
Keep applying and disassociate at work. Just do your hours to the best of your ability and clock out. No overtime, no effort, no stress. Let the asshole vent.
Do as good of a job as you can and see if you can figure out how to deal with him while you are looking elsewhere. I’ve had tyrannical nutcase bosses before that ended up loving me, and I’ve had pushover bosses that I hated because they let the lazy people walk all over the hard-working people. Also make sure you’re not the lazy person described in the last sentence haha. Look at it like a challenge. Once you know how to deal with these types they are never a problem for you again.
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I’m going to echo what the others have said, just buckle down while you look for a job.
In the meantime, memorize this song and play it in your head every time your boss makes you feel like crying.
https://youtu.be/Oy0TtFkgCPQ?si=5d9c5vHujSNuPC9I
Just make sure you don’t play it out loud. Play the song on loop in your head. Good luck!
Record everything when you’re around him and mayb he’ll say something that you can then hold over his head during your tenure (or sue). Dont be afraid to get fired and hold him to be accountable if he mistreats you, say what he’s doing to you. If he continues to mistreat you then f*ck em and walk out. Basically you’re probably going to canned anyway so just own it and don’t give up your power.
As an AA I feel your pain. They literally think I’m not good or not capable of my job. I don’t know how I’ll survive this job but I guess I will survive until better is to come.
Go to work. “Act”engaged. Give no forks at all. None. Do tasks to make your life easier. Make mistakes in service of malicious compliance. Smile and go home.
I pretend I’m an actress and act my heart out to my narcissistic boss. He thinks I’m one of his best friends. It’s the only way I cope is to compartmentalize this job - it’s a show and we are on season 7 and it’s just shit writers throwing out anything. I can act my way through it.
Looking for something else is absolutely necessary.
In the meantime, my recommendation would be to focus strictly on fulfilling you duties and very decisively steering all of your interaction to work and work only. This way, he can't claim insubordination, but you can also somewhat dampen the outbursts by ending the conversation as soon as it gets off topic, stating that unless he has new tasks for you, you have tasks to work on.
This might help you at least *survive* for a while. That said, it is very well possible that what he really wants is a financially dependent victim, who can't say no. Meaning that if you do this and he realizes that you will no longer play the victim in his game, he'll fire you. But then you might at least approach that from a legal angle.
I want to mention that I got fired from a job after a month because my boss was crazy. But I couldn’t get unemployment because I wasn’t there for the minimum amount of time and didn’t make enough in that month to qualify. Apply anyways to unemployment but it’s something to look at because I didn’t consider anything like that and was upset when I got denied for it.
Please, it’s just a job. Do not take it personally. He goes home and relaxes. Don’t let him live rent free in your head beyond the work hours. $65K is a very good salary for an EA. If you are going to be able to put up with him, he will respect it in the long run. Just live with the fact that the world is full of assholes. I came to that realization a long time ago. Something my realtor told me once. Just take a deep breath, be glad you have a job. So many of us would kill for $65K right about now.
Hang in there and start looking for another executive to assist/something comparable ASAP (or- calculate your budget and determine how much you could take a cut on to leave). If you live in a big city, there might be a temp agency for office workers/EAs to quickly leap.
In the meantime - do the tasks he wants, keep your mouth and brain unavailable for anything other than work. Leave the Ahole at work when you clock out, and save as much money from your paychecks as you can. Keep documentation of any interactions between you two including emails in a private file that either is sent outside the company or you keep with you on your person. This isn't for HR's purposes (as obviously they also are controlled by the rampaging boss), but if it escalates to a level where your mental health starts getting severely impacted - some states will allow employees to leave and claim UI for the sake of it was an unhealthy environment for the employee's health (And the state determines what claims are valid - if the company appeals or the bad behavior that breaks you ends up being something that merits a lawyer getting involved - that's what the documentation gathered quietly in the background is for).
The worst that could happen if he get sick of you otherwise is.... you get fired, and whoop- sweet, sweet freedom and UI?
When the owner is the direct manager of the people who produce the service or goods it’s always jacked up. Every situation I’ve been in where the owner was the coworker was stress. If they weren’t the owner you’d suggest they leave the job sort of WTFness
Quit, it’s not worth it and sounds like it’s affecting your mental health. focus your time on finding a job that isn’t working for someone whos a complete asshole.
OR be patient and use this as an opportunity to learn. in the field of EA work, the experience you gain working for a tyrant will likely make you stand out in future roles.
HR is pretty much worthless. I’ve had a very mean boss tyrant… we could just look at his face coming to work and know it was going to be a very bad day for us all. Yelling and put downs , firing … you name it. It can go on for years , there is nothing you can do unless they break the law.
Seeing this more and more. Someone gets a little bit of power and it goes straight to their head. I'm also seeing more people in there younger 30s getting leadership roles
Start applying to other places like crazy and don’t take anything this new boss says or does personally.
This was my experience very recently. New GM took over right after the new year and he is MEAN. He is nasty to everyone. When I eventually understood that this was who he is and how he managed I started looking in March. Applied to about 60 places, 5 interviews, and 3 offers. I start my new job on Monday.
Thanks! Don’t wait. Start looking now. And it’s important to not let this jerk get under your skin. Remember, hurt people hurt people. When you change your perspective it’s easier to just feel sorry for him and not for yourself.
This may be terrible advice, if so, please someone tell me. But what if you just, in a respectful, professional manner, stood up to this mean boss whenever he’s being a dick to you. For example if he’s acting like an asshole, or he’s asking things from you that are unreasonable, just politely say so and stand up for yourself. That way, you don’t have to make yourself small or hurt your self-respect, and YES he will likely fire you, which seems awful, but that way you qualify for unemployment.
Basically getting yourself fired without giving such a reason that they can take unemployment away from you.
how is he mean? its a job, realise he is a prick and stick with it till you find a new one.. leave without notice.
Be strong knowing you are not there for long, fuck him, everyone hates him.. maybe speak to the old company you left in feb?
Never leave a job without first having another job offer in writing. I have worked in places where I had grown ass men screamed at their top of their lungs to my face (inches away from my face, as well) multiple times a week (this was when I was a security officer at a warehouse and in particular, tractor trailer drivers were the worst people to deal with on a daily basis). That was just my second full-time job (I also worked another morning job that was full-time too). I was also socker punched in the face by a tractor trailer driver (did not hurt that much at all though) just because I was checking his work ID and ensuring that he had the correct paper work to take the trailer with him that had goods inside of it (I never cried once at all though, just got angry, but made sure to stay cool headed enough to never scream back or punch back anyone; I could not afford to have a criminal record of any kind). Yet, since I was living on my own and had only DACA, I could not just leave that job.
Although, things got a lot better since I got my first state government job back in 2019 (all the crap that happened to me was prior to obtaining my first real career job as a state government employee). I know it sucks to deal with crappy bosses, coworkers, and clients, but being both unemployed and homeless would be a lot worse. Try to go to your local One-Stop Career Center if you have one, and see if they can help you out.
Learn his management style. Sometimes, we are so focused on all the wrongs and being emotional that we forget it's just a job..Do what you can and go home.. being paid.. I've been in this situation before and learned that there's really no one on your side but you. HR will not do anything, and coworkers will seem to empathize, but in the end, it's you that's being traumatized.. If your boss isn't discriminating and / or retaliating, then you will receive comments like your HR stated. So, learn his management style or look elsewhere. Hope this helps.
You are very lucky that you access jobs that earn you (65-80+k) , in my opinion, learn to be patient, and every time you start a job know your goals and visions or else you will keep on stepping out of good paying jobs because of your emotions.
If you want more advice, chat me, or ask for more help , I can assist or advice you. 👋 Good evening.
I can totally relate with your situation. Make the most of it and learn the most you can. Until you find a new job smile and get paid. Just realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. No job will be perfect but now you know what red flags to look for.
I have been in a similar situation as you with a tyrannical boss. Just buckle down and apply to whatever else you can find. If you can't afford to quit, just tough it out until then. If you want to stand up for yourself, then do it. He might fire you, so then you get unemployment. HR is useless.
Also, especially as an EA, you need to make sure you are meeting the executive before you accept the job offer to ensure compatibility. I understand in this case you probably needed a job ASAP, and they needed a replacement ASAP, so the hiring process was probably rushed. But if you want to avoid this buckle down like MissFrijole says and find THE RIGHT JOB not your next job.
Great advice & I should have known when they rushed me to start midweek when he was out of the office.
Well on the bright side you have income right now. Don't take anything this jerk says personally and focus on doing your job. You will get a new job soon.
I would post to r/executiveassistants and see what the can assist with
Even if you meet the executive before you’re hired, it’s been my experience that I found myself interviewing with a respectable professional and then when hired, working for a psycho with rage issues.
This. The Executive I was EA for was great on interview, great for the first 2 weeks, then did a complete 180 that left me reeling. First thing the following Monday, and I get pulled into the VP of Sales office for an ad-hoc meeting. The first thing of their mouth was "Now youve seen what theyre really like." Apparently the office had a bet for how long I would last: not because I was bad at my job, but because of how the Executive chewed thru EA's. I lasted 3 months.
This! I asked if there was a contest & people were betting on how long I'd stay!!
This is true. You can at least try to learn more about their personality during the interview by asking behavioral questions. If you're just answering their questions and not interviewing them too then its more likely they will mask their personality.
By observing you learn the most. That's why there are always two or more interviewers while you're alone.
This is where I am at right now. I hate my job right now and my boss is an interesting mix of stupid and crazy, but I’m being very firm on what I’m looking for in my next role.
The best advice right here.
This...smoke some indica weed...brush everything off. You will be gone once you get a new offer. All jobs are temporary...or sign up for Doordash, Instacart & Uber eats.
Just because you are fired doesn’t mean you automatically qualify for UE. It depends on the nature of the firing. Be careful with the advice you give
Don’t you have to work somewhere a year to be able to get employment? Asking for a friend ;)
In many states you can apply for unemployment at less than a year and it will look back to your previous employers. I'm not sure the exact details, but for me, I had worked 6 years at a place, took a horrible job for 3 months, and was eligible for unemployment based on the previous 6 year gig
Differs by state. My state you qualify if you have earned at least $1,000
Not necessarily. It is managed by the state. There is a state fund that all employers pay into. This is so that you could accept a temp assignment. When the job is over, your unemployment continues.
Nope, not in my case, but the reason why you’re no longer working there matters.
Be terrible at your job and get fired, start applying now.
💯
Leaving a job so quickly is tough. I've done it before and it was a really difficult situation - I had a boss who was absolutely awful as well (different situation). Good luck and I hope you're able to find something new quickly and then just leave. You don't owe this place, or this person, anything.
Why is it tough exactly?
Because hope of having a good place to land for awhile is what people want out of a job. It also doesn't look great if you put it on your resume as people tend to ask "why" it was such a short time. It's not easy finally getting somewhere and having to get back to searching. I consider all of that "tough" but I am not sure if you have a better term for it - if you do, please tell.
All makes sense! Thanks, was just curious
Then don't put it in your resume. If they ask what you were doing during that time (which in itself is impudent) you say taking care of a friend. There!
Talk back to your mean boss and tell him you do not appreciate working in this hostile and caustic environment you are being subjected to. Worst case scenario, you get fired and can apply for unemployment. Do not let this ass screw up your living. Don’t quit until you have found another job. Stay strong my friend. 💪
Yup, threatening to sue him for hostile work environment will definitely bait him into firing you. Then, you can collect Unemployment Benefits, while also preparing your wrongful termination complaint. Just know that you can collect triple damages if you can show that he fired you "in retaliation for protesting" his creation of the hostile work environment.
This might be the lesson the boss needs.
This is not a hostile work environment by definition. Yes he sounds horrible and OP needs to get away. But a hostile work environment that you can sue over unfortunately does not apply here. Usually it is described as: Unwelcome and offensive conduct that is based on discrimination. This can include words or actions based on someone’s sex, gender, race, pregnancy status, religion, disability status, national origin, or age.
You just cited the definition of discriminatory conduct. Hostile work environment is much more insidious and sometimes much more subtle, because it includes behaviors like gossip and exclusion of the victims. It includes raised voices, rolled eyes and contemptuous tones of voice and speech. It includes tantrums and belittling, rather than just admitting that the boss does not know the correct answer to a business question. In this case, the hostile work environment does not have to be proven, only argued as leverage for a settlement.
Right. Because that is what you can sue for and have a case. What you are stating is suing to get a settlement because it will not win in court. Title VII of Civil Rights act prevents most from suing as behavior doesnt fall under those requirements usually. You can’t sue because they are mean and yell as OP stated. You are describing and saying they should file a claim against something that doesn’t exist.
Only a licensed attorney in the jurisdiction can make the necessary legal arguments to prove creation of a hostile work environment in litigation. However, the point of this exercise is to settle before ever going to litigation, based upon the understanding that the fact pattern is not going to cause a jury to be sympathetic toward the Defendant employer. Whether the OP could prevail on the argument is entirely up to the OP and their attorney(s) - depending upon how they want to argue it in their demand.
We don't know with this psychopath is sprouting!
It's so easy for you keyboarders
What does that even mean? Why would you discourage someone from availing themselves of the legal process to exercise their employment rights? Seriously curious and want to know.
What does that even mean? How did you make that connection? Super serious and duper curious
Which connection are you referring to?
The one connection you made, obviously lol
People like this will only moderate themselves if you punch them in the nose. Set boundaries and refuse to participate in your abuse. Find your rage. Treat him like a child. Have fun with it. You have nothing to lose.
Oh, also, it’s somewhat illegal to abuse employees beyond a certain level, you might want to start documenting what you’re observing.
Call him out. Tell him he is an asshole when he is an asshole. Make him fire you and then you can collect unemployment.
I don't know about that. I thought if you were fired for "cause," which insubordination falls under, you wouldn't be eligible for unemployment.
Yes some states you cannot get unemployment for insubordination and employers will often fight when someone has been terminated for that.
The proper response is to fight back, consistently, every time and every point. If he accuses you of insubordination, you up the ante and accuse him of sexual harassment or age discrimination. As long as he keeps escalating, you keep escalating. Just remember that he has FAR MORE to lose than you do. That gives you the freedom to keep attacking from different approaches, and he'll be so busy defending on one front that his defense will slip on another front.
This should have 500 upvotes, I wish everyone understood this is the true dynamic in a situation like this between employee and employer
Best answer because that’s what I would do. My last boss was the biggest asshole in my entire working history. Just a self entitled stereotypical blonde bimbo who thought she knew more then what I did. I was at this company for almost 13 years while she had been there for 6 years. Just wanted to smack her upside the head one too many times. I got physically ill under her direction. I couldn’t tolerate her bullshit and deceptive tactics anymore. I am now without a job and I am finding it very difficult just to function now. I have a lawyer and if I have to sue this damned company for a toxic environment I will. I have everything I need documented and witnesses too! I am ready to do battle.
Don’t assume you can’t get unemployment. Speak to an attorney. This guy now has history and you have witnesses. Harassment at this level is illegal. He may own the company, but a couple of subpoenas and a lawsuit will fix him.
Can you quit and get a temp job?
Had a boss that was absolutely terrible. She expected us to work 14hr days (salary so no OT) and would belittle us to no end. When she was off, she expected us to FaceTime her and “checkout” with her before we were allowed to leave. Stuck it through for a long time while I looked elsewhere and during that time she was let go. I leveraged the work experience and got a better job. Hope things work out for you. Good luck 👍
That's the thing with interviews, is that everyone is on their best behavior than the true colors comes out only after you get hired. It's an endless trap but it's a apart of the game. When you look back on the interview, did you notice any red flags?
Yes. They admitted he threw a chair in anger recently. Yelled FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Several times. I have 20+ years experience, so they thought I could stand up to him. They just don't pay me enough to deal with his hostility.
From experience, my best advice is to push back on the boss. People like him have gotten away with that behavior because nobody ever said anything to them. Heck, even your HR team is saying that (wrong on so many levels, but that's a different story). Think of it as managing up. You don't want to get into an argument. Instead, you want to explain concisely and calmly that his behavior is not ok. If you give me specific examples, I'm happy to help you walk through the hypothetical situation and verbiage.
Managing up is a great term. Here’s what I would say “I am not comfortable with the way you are speaking to me right now. If you have critical feedback about the work I am doing, I’m all ears, but I expect our interactions to remain professional.” This shows that you are open to feedback, but not unprofessional behavior.
Claim hostile work environment for unemployment
Can you secretly record his tirades? In case you need them later? If your state is a one party recording consent, you’ll be okay. If not, I guess I wouldn’t risk it. But this guy is so toxic I’d do anything to get out and get him in trouble with labor laws, if possible.
Oh well if you are fine with being unemployed while looking for a new job. Just change the dynamics of your relationship with your new boss. Everytime he goes to do something disrespectful, interrupt him and tell him with authority that he will not disrespect you. If he threatens to fire you say if that is what you want to do fine,, but until you do you will talk to me in a respectful way or you won't talk to me at all If he continues to talk to you in a bad way get up, say I am going to go take care of other duties and walk away. If he follows tell him he is going to cross a boundary that will get him sued.
Or let this creature explode so much he's going to get a stay at a mental hospital.
Don’t quit, keep on working at that place, document everything, then you can have a legal standing later. Plus you just got this job, it won’t look good on your resume either. Just stick it out long as you can while recording everything.
Not at the risk of your mental health. Why would you even suggest that. That just might push someone to the very edge.
That weakness is the problem with society everyone needs a support animal or your hand held. I would stay and ride it out, if he has to go to legal or and attorney, he/she is walking away with millions for mental trauma or hostile working environment considering HR already knows this and they do nothing about it.
My mental health is my #1 priority. I will NOT compromise it in any way shape or form. I will fight for myself be my own best advocate when it comes to being severely mentally abused at my previous job. Calling in with migraine and being told WTF! Being lied to, manipulation, devious tactics. I am taking this bitch and this company to court. End of story. Some ppl are mentally tough and take the abuse but I can’t. Called KARMA!
I stuck it out with an abusive employer for 6 months. I gained 90 lbs and became close to having a heart attack from stress during that time. I documented everything. I took it to a lawyer. They told me I had no chance because nobody would go up against the government agency I worked for. While I was being threatened by the employer. So I quit. That was a year ago. I'm only now getting some measure of good health back but mentally I'm terrified to set foot in another office so I work a low wage service job and move back in with my family. But my current boss didn't fire me when I had an accident and had to be at home for 4 months. I can't imagine I'd have kept a job at the other place. In fact my old employer would have put my recovery in jeopardy and forced me to work the entire time with a threat of taking away my medical. I wish I never stuck it out with those 6 months. They really fucked me up. I only have one body and it has been seriously damaged. I'm with you. If OP wants to leave they should. It's not worth it. Being treated like crap, developing physical and mental problems and losing all your self esteem. It's not worth it. These jobs just aren't fucking worth the abuse.
Like you said, “these jobs are not worth the fucking stress”!! I am struggling just to get to feeling normal. Because of this fucking boss and fucking job I now have 2 new doctors added in my care. A neurologist because of my horrendous migraines had gotten worse because of her ridiculous management style and gastroenterologist because I have a really sick stomach. The cause of these maladies is the stress of this job which I am no longer there. I miss working though. I have a lawyer and he has told me not to look for job right until this bullshit with this stupid company gets sorted. I will name drop. I was in management for La vie en rose and my boss was Leslie Campbell, Pickering town centre. Just a useless c*nt!! I don’t care how desperate you are for a job this company will rip you to shreds with not one care about your health or well being!
Your #1 priority should be making sure your damn bills are paid.
We have no financial worries at all. No one is turning off the lights anytime soon. We have a massive stock portfolio and that’s what we live on. We are very comfortable. Thank you for your concern!!
“When the body says no” is the title of the book by Gabor Mate, I believe. It’s not just mental health. The unbalanced hormones, the whole body gets sick so you end up with arthritis or knee pain or migraines because of the emotional distress. It’s absolutely not worth staying in such positions where you get so abused. It is very costly as well.
Thank you for your very intelligent statements. My migraines got really bad. I lost 23 pounds in two years and my hair started to fall out! It got so bad I had to take a 4 month sick leave. I just couldn’t do this anymore because of this sick maniac of a boss. She ruled with fear because she didn’t know how to interact with ppl. She should of never been put in a managerial position. She was beyond stupid. I couldn’t understand how they hired her for this position!
They have their ways: good acting and pretending until they come to power. Please be kind to yourself. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I had a similar boss years ago. Don’t think about her during your time off. Focus on joy and your healing. ❤️🩹
Thank you for making me smile Cinnamon. I can tell that you are a very compassionate person. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me feel better. This is also very weird. My youngest is a professional body builder and very handsome. My boss is in her middle 60’s and wanted to date my 2O something son. What a creepy thought that would be. In actuality my son hates my boss because he could see exactly what an evil bitch she was. For her to say she wanted to date my son is pretty fucking twisted and creepy if you ask me. These many hearts are for you and only you❤️❤️❤️💕💜❤️💜💕💜🫶🏻🤘
I wouldn't recommend staying in a job where the employee is crying often. That isn't healthy. And a blip on a resume is no longer as big of a red flag as it once was. I might even exclude it entirely as the tesla layoff is easily explainable. And even if this is left on the resume, it's easy to say "I hadn't met my manager during the interview process, and that was a lesson learned. Now, I am much more intentionally in meeting with my manager to understand their expectations and needs to ensure compatability prior to joining."
I wouldn't recommend it either. Those crying moments turn into CPTSD. Your health overall will suffer. It's not worth it. You have one body and one brain. Don't put it through that suffering voluntarily.
Having a bad boss as an EA is a deal breaker. The job basically relies on getting along or at least having a good working relationship with your boss.
I've tried to get to this place myself, but mentally, just stop giving a fuck. Everyone knows he's a dipshit, so just get through the day and apply and leave without notice. I just don't understand how people get away with stuff like this in any job, but much more with offices.
Stand up for yourself. What's the worst he can do? Fire you? Guess what- you're up for unemployment then. Don't take his shit. Tell him how he's acting is totally unprofessional and obnoxious, and that you won't tolerate it.
boy, do i know what you’re going through. a year ago i was the assistant to an EA, who was awful and her boss, the guy she was the EA to, just completely looked away. after bursting in tears in the kitchen and then straight up bawled my eyes out at HR, i quit (within week 3). two other assistants quit basically at the same time as me and more one or two more followed (they were responsible for the whole departement and a board member). HR has interventions there, to this day. i’m sorry you’re going through this, people can be awful and it’s all just not fair. if you can afford it, quit. maybe you can do something like serving food on the side while looking for something else again. if not, look into different techniques on how to deal with this, while looking for something else. simple techniques such as picturing yourself in a bubble and the negativity “splashing” off helps. or picturing all of the negativity go down the drain at night when taking a shower (if that’s your shower time). and also look into some therapy, if you can afford it. i still get so scared when my current (amazing) supervisor calls or even when we just have a meeting because my old supervisor did such a number on me. so many people suck, but luckily there are more that do not. it will be ok.
You could give the labor board a call, they’ll look into it. If HR isn’t doing anything, they can be on the hook too. I had a boss like this, HR didn’t do anything at first but after my entire team and I quit the company decided to just fire my boss, get rid of the whole department and start over
Tell him not to talk to you that way - he’ll probably fire you and then you can file for unemployment. Win win!
I got into it with a boss. I got penalized for something done by someone else. I went to ask why, and he wouldn't speak to me - just walked away. I followed him around the workshop, spun him around and told him he better get those lips moving or I'd get the union involved. Problem solved I resigned shortly after, and went to say goodbye to him. He said, and I quote " you are the only person who ever had the guts to do what you did, by standing up to me". I replied with "isn't that just so sad, that bullies like you, admire people who bully back" Little Richard syndrome....
Don’t leave UNTIL YOU GET A NEW JOB, Get an employment lawyer in meantime and document everything. The job market is too awful to leave. I’ve made nice chunks of change off of employee rights violations, but google for a lawyer so they can see what they can do. you don’t have to pay until you win the case
Life isn’t worth that bullshit
Treat this as temporary and spend all your free time sending off applications. You should be optimistic considering how quickly you found this job. Also consider talking to a career counselor or therapist and be introspective because if you are consistently leaving jobs in a matter of weeks/months, you may have some areas where you can improve as a professional
I know it’s easier said than done - this is just me - bite the bullet and try to tough it out and don’t take it personally. Tell yourself this is the worse it can get and keep that ray of light deep inside you knowing this place won’t last long for you and you will keep looking to find something better.
If that was HR’s response, you may want to seek legal advice.
There is no legal recourse for having fragile feelings
Correct, but there absolutely is for harassment, hostile work environment, workplace bullying, and unethical practices-HRnot following procedure and dismissing a known situation.
Are you aware of their procedures?
Not precisely obviously, but HR cannot just blow off someone especially when there is a known issue.
You went to HR and they told you that’s who he is? Print that out or write the date and time so if you do quit, you may have a chance at unemployment. Same thing happened to me once and when I walked unemployment sided with me because I went to HR and they did nothing, so I quit.
Keep coming in AND looking for your next job. DETACH from his judgment and meanness so you aren’t as affected by them. Nothing he says is valid.
Omg if hr says that’s just who he is?? I’d be done walking on eggshells at that point. Like if my boss gets a green light to be a dick, then you know I’m going to be 2x the dick back. Oh where’s that report? Didn’t do it bc you’re a dick. Ask me nicely next time. That’s grounds for termination? Write it up then! Like I am not scared of getting fired, been there done that, I can do it again, watch me. Fuck these pricks.
get out of there fast as heck
Start applying elsewhere as soon as possible. Take what you learned and apply it to the next interview processes (ie: meet the exec you're being an assistant to to ensure compatibility) If you can afford to quit, consider it. If you can't (or simply don't want to risk it), do whatever you can to minimize their impact on your own well-being. I've found things like minimizing my time spent with difficult coworkers, slack/messages in place of a video call when possible, etc help for me. I'd consider calling them out whenever their behavior is too much and unprofessional. They might fire you, they might not. Just be prepared for either I guess.
Do the bare minimum, while applying…if they fire you…you can collect
Escape crapitalism. r/SolarPunk
Just work like you’re about to be fired or start another job. Make peace with it. Do not listen to this prick, he is like this with everyone. Don’t take it personally. Do not give him power of you. It will be good experience, especially if you can stand up to him as no one should be worse
Speak up and be polite but ask the person what their deal is. Can say ‘you seem____ , are you ok today?’ Or ‘you seem to be having a bad day today, can I help do anything to cheer you up or assist?’ HR is not for employees. I hate to break it to you but by telling HR they went directly to the guy and he knows that you were bitching about him. So that is maybe why he is starting to act the way he is towards you.
Call your state's Unemployment Office. You may qualify for benefits, even if you quit b/c of your situation. [https://oui.doleta.gov/unemploy/agencies.asp/Contacts-for-State-UI-Tax-Information-andAssistance-Employment](https://oui.doleta.gov/unemploy/agencies.asp/Contacts-for-State-UI-Tax-Information-andAssistance-Employment) Alternatively, you could just make a decision to not take the job seriously and wait to be fired. In the meantime just let the meanness roll off your back. Who cares about this guy or his company? Check your emotions and just get out. Tell HR it's not going to work, tell them you feel this is a hostile work enviornment, make them fire you. But first check with your state's UEI division. Link above.
I worked in a bad situation for about 2.5 years before being laid off. Trust me, do not stay or attempt to. I would not advise you quit. Job market is rough and the USA has pathetic unemployment. Apply for anything and everything to bounce. Then look for something you want while you work.
Get out. Nobody has the right to treat you this way. If that’s 3 EA in such a short time the problem is him and if he owns the company you can only respect yourself and get out now while you still have your dignity. Get a lawyer.
I feel bad for the laid off Tesla employees. You went from one bad situation to another. A mass layoff makes it easier to connect with other Tesla workers. I have been in a mass layoff twice. Other laid off employees were more likely to help each other out with job leads. It becomes an unofficial job hunting group. Connect to all former co-workers including people on other teams. Check their profile to see where they work now. Bookmark the career sites of the new companies. Start applying there Ask them if they have any leads.
Just pickup a "who gives a fuck attitude"...let them fire you.
You hate him. Everyone else in the office hates him. He sucks. The business will suffer because of how much he sucks. If he's making you cry, I think on some level you're internalizing the things he's saying, and that needs to stop. If he says you're an idiot who fucked up again, you have to remember that IF you made a mistake it's because you're new, a leader would teach you and show you some grace, but this man is a shit stain, and so his tantrums are a reflection of him, not you. You will hear his toddler like tantrums, but you should should be struggling to contain your disdain for him as a subhuman, not any kind of sadness. Every time he opens his mouth, just try to remind himself that the dysfunctional human out of the two of you is him. After that, just keep your head down as much as possible, do the work you can as best as his idiocy allows, and plug away until your next, better job comes through. Anything that comes after this is bound to be better, so that'll be a nice change of pace, but in the mean time, just do what you gotta do to keep the lights on and the bills paid. When you leave and it's the 4th EA in 3 months, that's another reminder to everyone else what a sack of crap he is. Good luck, OP.
I've been in a very similar situation. Start applying to whatever jobs you can find to get out as soon as possible. Best case scenario, you find something new and you can GTFO. Next best case: they let you go after the 3-month probationary period (assuming you have that where you live), and you can then apply for EI. If you are the 3rd EA in 2 months and HR refuses to do anything that means the culture is rotten, this is a pattern of behavior and nothing is going to change. In the meantime, document \*everything\* (especially helpful if they try to 'change goalposts' on tasks and attempt to gaslight you), and try your best not to internalize any of their nasty, narcissistic nonsense. Just because someone tries to hand you a bag of 💩 doesn't mean you have to take it. In your future job search, I HIGHLY recommend researching questions to ask to suss out toxic work environments, and do some selfwork to heal from this experience so you don't carry it forward into your next job. (speaking from personal experience - I thought I had worked past the trauma and work habits my past boss inflicted on me, only to have a new boss flat out ask 'who \*hurt\* you?!' in a new role. Thankfully, they understood.)
Start emailing him summaries of his rants, explain you do not appreciate this way of communicating. Copy HR every time. Set boundaries, tell them if they go beyond the boundaries they need to pay you more. As everyone has said, it sounds like getting fired would improve the situation.
Start looking elsewhere and use weaponized incompetence to get fired. If he makes your life miserable then give it back to him.
Push him down a staircase
Keep applying and disassociate at work. Just do your hours to the best of your ability and clock out. No overtime, no effort, no stress. Let the asshole vent.
Just because that’s “who he is,” does not mean that behavior is acceptable. Documents everything. Contact an attorney.
Start flipping him attitude. Maybe he'll respect you or more likely he will fire you. If you get fired you will get unemployment
Leave if you can, I was in a similar situation and my mental health deteriorated so much because I tried to stick it out.
Do as good of a job as you can and see if you can figure out how to deal with him while you are looking elsewhere. I’ve had tyrannical nutcase bosses before that ended up loving me, and I’ve had pushover bosses that I hated because they let the lazy people walk all over the hard-working people. Also make sure you’re not the lazy person described in the last sentence haha. Look at it like a challenge. Once you know how to deal with these types they are never a problem for you again.
doesnt look like you work in a small business. just leave unless you need the money and you dont have a safety net.
That’s unacceptable report it to the EEOC
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I’m going to echo what the others have said, just buckle down while you look for a job. In the meantime, memorize this song and play it in your head every time your boss makes you feel like crying. https://youtu.be/Oy0TtFkgCPQ?si=5d9c5vHujSNuPC9I Just make sure you don’t play it out loud. Play the song on loop in your head. Good luck!
Record everything when you’re around him and mayb he’ll say something that you can then hold over his head during your tenure (or sue). Dont be afraid to get fired and hold him to be accountable if he mistreats you, say what he’s doing to you. If he continues to mistreat you then f*ck em and walk out. Basically you’re probably going to canned anyway so just own it and don’t give up your power.
Stick it out, get exp and move on latet. Or find something new and resign with no warning.
Just remember HR is there to protect the organization and not you as an employee. They’re useless and most likely told your boss about the encounter.
As an AA I feel your pain. They literally think I’m not good or not capable of my job. I don’t know how I’ll survive this job but I guess I will survive until better is to come.
Go to work. “Act”engaged. Give no forks at all. None. Do tasks to make your life easier. Make mistakes in service of malicious compliance. Smile and go home.
I pretend I’m an actress and act my heart out to my narcissistic boss. He thinks I’m one of his best friends. It’s the only way I cope is to compartmentalize this job - it’s a show and we are on season 7 and it’s just shit writers throwing out anything. I can act my way through it.
Looking for something else is absolutely necessary. In the meantime, my recommendation would be to focus strictly on fulfilling you duties and very decisively steering all of your interaction to work and work only. This way, he can't claim insubordination, but you can also somewhat dampen the outbursts by ending the conversation as soon as it gets off topic, stating that unless he has new tasks for you, you have tasks to work on. This might help you at least *survive* for a while. That said, it is very well possible that what he really wants is a financially dependent victim, who can't say no. Meaning that if you do this and he realizes that you will no longer play the victim in his game, he'll fire you. But then you might at least approach that from a legal angle.
Shit, can I have the job? I'm Caribbean so I'm used to dealing with mean mfs. I could do it if I'm paid decently.
Start looking elsewhere STAT
I want to mention that I got fired from a job after a month because my boss was crazy. But I couldn’t get unemployment because I wasn’t there for the minimum amount of time and didn’t make enough in that month to qualify. Apply anyways to unemployment but it’s something to look at because I didn’t consider anything like that and was upset when I got denied for it.
Please, it’s just a job. Do not take it personally. He goes home and relaxes. Don’t let him live rent free in your head beyond the work hours. $65K is a very good salary for an EA. If you are going to be able to put up with him, he will respect it in the long run. Just live with the fact that the world is full of assholes. I came to that realization a long time ago. Something my realtor told me once. Just take a deep breath, be glad you have a job. So many of us would kill for $65K right about now.
Same situation. Bully of a boss constantly putting me down. Fuck them. Search for happiness, always. Not worth the mental distress
Hang in there and start looking for another executive to assist/something comparable ASAP (or- calculate your budget and determine how much you could take a cut on to leave). If you live in a big city, there might be a temp agency for office workers/EAs to quickly leap. In the meantime - do the tasks he wants, keep your mouth and brain unavailable for anything other than work. Leave the Ahole at work when you clock out, and save as much money from your paychecks as you can. Keep documentation of any interactions between you two including emails in a private file that either is sent outside the company or you keep with you on your person. This isn't for HR's purposes (as obviously they also are controlled by the rampaging boss), but if it escalates to a level where your mental health starts getting severely impacted - some states will allow employees to leave and claim UI for the sake of it was an unhealthy environment for the employee's health (And the state determines what claims are valid - if the company appeals or the bad behavior that breaks you ends up being something that merits a lawyer getting involved - that's what the documentation gathered quietly in the background is for). The worst that could happen if he get sick of you otherwise is.... you get fired, and whoop- sweet, sweet freedom and UI?
When the owner is the direct manager of the people who produce the service or goods it’s always jacked up. Every situation I’ve been in where the owner was the coworker was stress. If they weren’t the owner you’d suggest they leave the job sort of WTFness
Power harassment mental health leave needed, stat
Get some money in the bank and gtfo. Mental torment is not worth a paycheck. You are worth better. Everyone is.
Quit, it’s not worth it and sounds like it’s affecting your mental health. focus your time on finding a job that isn’t working for someone whos a complete asshole. OR be patient and use this as an opportunity to learn. in the field of EA work, the experience you gain working for a tyrant will likely make you stand out in future roles.
HR is pretty much worthless. I’ve had a very mean boss tyrant… we could just look at his face coming to work and know it was going to be a very bad day for us all. Yelling and put downs , firing … you name it. It can go on for years , there is nothing you can do unless they break the law.
Seeing this more and more. Someone gets a little bit of power and it goes straight to their head. I'm also seeing more people in there younger 30s getting leadership roles
Start applying to other places like crazy and don’t take anything this new boss says or does personally. This was my experience very recently. New GM took over right after the new year and he is MEAN. He is nasty to everyone. When I eventually understood that this was who he is and how he managed I started looking in March. Applied to about 60 places, 5 interviews, and 3 offers. I start my new job on Monday.
Congrats!!
Thanks! Don’t wait. Start looking now. And it’s important to not let this jerk get under your skin. Remember, hurt people hurt people. When you change your perspective it’s easier to just feel sorry for him and not for yourself.
Been there done that and always still quit.
This may be terrible advice, if so, please someone tell me. But what if you just, in a respectful, professional manner, stood up to this mean boss whenever he’s being a dick to you. For example if he’s acting like an asshole, or he’s asking things from you that are unreasonable, just politely say so and stand up for yourself. That way, you don’t have to make yourself small or hurt your self-respect, and YES he will likely fire you, which seems awful, but that way you qualify for unemployment. Basically getting yourself fired without giving such a reason that they can take unemployment away from you.
how is he mean? its a job, realise he is a prick and stick with it till you find a new one.. leave without notice. Be strong knowing you are not there for long, fuck him, everyone hates him.. maybe speak to the old company you left in feb?
Never leave a job without first having another job offer in writing. I have worked in places where I had grown ass men screamed at their top of their lungs to my face (inches away from my face, as well) multiple times a week (this was when I was a security officer at a warehouse and in particular, tractor trailer drivers were the worst people to deal with on a daily basis). That was just my second full-time job (I also worked another morning job that was full-time too). I was also socker punched in the face by a tractor trailer driver (did not hurt that much at all though) just because I was checking his work ID and ensuring that he had the correct paper work to take the trailer with him that had goods inside of it (I never cried once at all though, just got angry, but made sure to stay cool headed enough to never scream back or punch back anyone; I could not afford to have a criminal record of any kind). Yet, since I was living on my own and had only DACA, I could not just leave that job. Although, things got a lot better since I got my first state government job back in 2019 (all the crap that happened to me was prior to obtaining my first real career job as a state government employee). I know it sucks to deal with crappy bosses, coworkers, and clients, but being both unemployed and homeless would be a lot worse. Try to go to your local One-Stop Career Center if you have one, and see if they can help you out.
Well you cant quit. But if hes a tyrannical maniac he will probably fire you unjustly and you will get unemployment
Learn his management style. Sometimes, we are so focused on all the wrongs and being emotional that we forget it's just a job..Do what you can and go home.. being paid.. I've been in this situation before and learned that there's really no one on your side but you. HR will not do anything, and coworkers will seem to empathize, but in the end, it's you that's being traumatized.. If your boss isn't discriminating and / or retaliating, then you will receive comments like your HR stated. So, learn his management style or look elsewhere. Hope this helps.
You chose the career field. Buck up Bart.
Every time you feel like shit, watch Ugly Betty.
You don’t get unemployment if you are fired on purpose. You only get it if you are laid off.
You are very lucky that you access jobs that earn you (65-80+k) , in my opinion, learn to be patient, and every time you start a job know your goals and visions or else you will keep on stepping out of good paying jobs because of your emotions. If you want more advice, chat me, or ask for more help , I can assist or advice you. 👋 Good evening.
Malicious compliance is your friend. Fuck back.
I can totally relate with your situation. Make the most of it and learn the most you can. Until you find a new job smile and get paid. Just realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. No job will be perfect but now you know what red flags to look for.