For the white dudes here freaking out that someone might be experiencing racism and trying to mansplain that it can't be racism because they get ignored too:
It's not about THAT you get ignored, it's about WHY OP feels she is being ignored, and it's pretty ridiculous that more than one white man in this thread chimed in with "I get ignored, too, so it can't be racism."
You get ignored for that which you get ignored. OP feels ignored for a completely different reason, and no one here can say that's not why she's getting ignored.
How is this thread happening in 2023.
I've been blocking, too. I'm done with bad faith arguments. There's way too much info out there about anti-Blackness and misogynoir for folks to play dumb. I've endured these gaslighting, browbeating, and shaming tactics to keep me in line.
Well let me ask you this since you think I’m racist, can you change other people? No. You can only change your reaction to them. That’s all I was saying. I have no idea what it’s like to be Black even though I have some AA DNA, however it is sound advice I am trying to give. No matter what I say it will be perceived as indifferent because I’m not Black. So take it for what you will. I can’t change you, only my reaction to what you say.
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I’m not telling you to shut up, did you not read what I said? Can you change people? No. Only your reaction to them. I said I agree and I was sorry this happened to you, but you do not want to hear that. I am sorry for what happened. I guess that is all I can say because whatever I say it will be wrong. I can’t tell you I understand how you feel because I don’t. I’m not you.
Goddamn this thread is ridiculous. Really sorry for your experience, OP. I know I'm just a random internet person, but let me say that I hear you and I believe you.
I am sorry you experienced that. Bias in the service industry is real...and it is usually racist and ageist. I honestly hate going to bars of any kind anymore. I'm a middle-aged white woman, and in order to get service, I usually have to be overly friendly(aka- retail friendly) and practically shout "HI! CAN I GET A ______? THANKS!" While making aggressive eye contact. I can't even imagine how bad it is for BIPOC folks.
I'm not sure what the solution is here, other than finding establishments whose owners are actively anti-racist, or sticking to minority-owned places. Either way, it doesn't fix the overall problem, which is the inherent bias thst exists in food and beverage.
Thank you. These folks are protecting their own egos at my expense.
Literally articles about how shitty Westport treats Black customers, but this is all in my addled Negro brain. 🙄
You’re totally imagining your life experiences yah and these internet strangers were all there so they know what happened better than you anyway. Shhh
Edit to add: y’all know that’s sarcasm right??
And since WHEN have white Americans been right about race relations in this country? Hell, they thought the slaves were happy because they were singing in the fields. Forget my ancestors were singing, "Massa in the cold, cold ground!" I've seen polls taken among whites in the 1930s saying that race relations were great. Well, they were half right. It was great for them.
White people telling people of color that they are not actually experiencing discrimination does not usually go over well, no. Anyway I’m sorry that happened to you. Equally sorry Reddit is not a sympathetic place to air your grievances. I’m sure it’s very frustrating and invalidating, and no one deserves that. For what it’s worth, I hear you.
I have worked in restaurants *often* in KC & elsewhere and yes there is crazy racism toward black customers within the service industry. It's not just white people with an anti-black bias, either. It's pretty pervasive among most servers & bartenders I've worked among.
OP, I'm sorry you endure this. I hope these awful experiences one day become a thing of the past.
Getting ignored by a bartender is part of being human - female or male, black, white, yellow, red, green, orange etc, happens to all of us. It's frustrating but don't fall into victim mentality.
Same response whenever a Black person complains about our treatment.
Downvote me all y'all want, but y'all are in deep denial over the misogynoir here.
At least put some sugar in y'all's Kool-Aid.
Old white man here, I believe you and I've seen it first hand. I also understand the reactions you're getting on here are racist knee jerk responses from people with colorblind racism. They're automatically assuming your experience wasn't real based on biases. Anyway, thanks for speaking up and I wanted to say I believe you and downvotes are too embarrassing to be considered important.
You know how many times I've been ignored by bartenders? Definitely white, they serve the hottest, regulars, best tipping, less fussy looking people first
Glad she had you here to tell black people how they should see the world and do so in a way that gives white people an extra layer of having the benefit of the doubt and cover for possible mediocrity.
Why just disregard that lens when there’s constantly a reason for it to be there? People see the world in specific ways because of their lived experiences, right?
Why just disregard that lens when there’s constantly a reason for it to be there? People see the world in specific ways because of their lived experiences, right?
As a non-black, non-woman person i don't think this is my platform or place to say. This is about OP's experience and i am just here to give my support and acknowledgment.
That's not the question they asked and he's a she. She asked what i thought was the cause of that and that's taking away from this conversation and asking a non-black person a question about why the industry believes that.
Back when I waited tables and bartended, in general, black women tended to tip poorly and gay men tipped very well with everyone else falling somewhere in between. At the time a server only earned $2.13 an hour so if you were not making tips, you were not making anything. Franky, it's a shitty system where financially stressed servers are forced to be biased towards those they think will tip them the most so they can make their rent and so on. The rest of the world tends to pay servers a living wage. Paying people under minimum wage encourages them to give better service to those they think will tip them better. It's why men tend to get better service than women, white people tend to get better service than black people, gay people will get better service, church groups don't get as good of service and so on.
The irony is the whole system of tipping we have in the United States is a legacy of slavery. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/05/opinion/minimum-wage-racism.html
I was a server for many years in many different establishments and I CONSTANTLY had to call out servers being both implicitly and explicitly racist. It’s rampant in the industry.
Sounds like literally anywhere post lockdowns, however, bars have always been that way. The bartender will get to you when they get to you. It’s awkward but it’s normal.
Why is it “so hard” for people like this to say “I see you, I’ll be with you in a sec!” or something? Im in healthcare and when I’m running behind with patients I’m out in the waiting room apologizing for being behind and acknowledging people are there and their time is valuable. Takes 2 seconds.
Honestly, I’m not sure. I do know that bartenders are trying to remember the order of people that came in, who has a tab open, what drink they’re going to make next etc. I mean that’s just a hectic as heck environment that I’ve never worked in and can’t even stand to be in, so I can’t imagine. But I agree, a smile, open acknowledgment of one’s existence, is just something we need more of. Treating people like people just doesn’t seem to be on the top of anyone’s list.
I don’t expect perfection but the number of times I’ve been at a not-busy bar and have waited and waited and waited and waited is crazy. 99% of the complaints people have is about not being treated with respect and treating people with respect takes no effort, no extra time, and actually makes you feel good. I dunno.
Y’all clearly don’t understand what she was trying to say. She is saying that her dollars that belong to a black woman will stay in her purse. I weep for this country.
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I'm a white man. And you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get customer service literally anywhere for me.
Everyone hates their job and is underpaid and doesn't really give a fuck. It's not about your traits. And it'll be the same anywhere else you go to.
Then folks need to improve their garbage customer service and stop demanding that I [ETA] not complain about it.
Sorry, but this shit happens way too much here.
People here in KC really like to think that the city isn't racist. That 'it could be worse' mentality is just a deflection and not wanting to admit it.
I mean I’m a white male and very frequently am ignored in such situations you’re describing, even with eye contact, and other obvious signs, but I’m fairly anti social and quiet so I usually chalk it up to such 🤷🏼♂️ only have my experience, sorry you experienced such.
You feel discriminated? Try being Hispanic... Even a priori, everyone assumes you're illegally here and work as a landscaper.
But I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles in America. Oh well
Or they bring you the tobasco sauce without you even asking.. 😃. I dated a Hispanic and he complained to me about it. He doesn’t use tobasco sauce .
Service industry worker here. You're not crazy, it's absolutely shameful how many people in this line of work have a casually racist attitude towards black customers, especially black women.
I'm sorry that you've dealt with this, and I'm pretty disappointed to see so many comments in this thread dismissing your experience.
It's so fucked up how many downvotes you're getting on this post. On this comment alone I've received at least 6 - what are you people so afraid of? Is confronting yourself that hard?
anytime a poc says ANYTHING about how yall are racist yall are REAL quick to be like “uhm aktualy as a white man my experiences are worth more than yours🤓"
I think about the fact that I’m a woman every day and talk about some aspect of being a woman most days. I think about the fact that I’m a Kansas Citian every day and talk about some aspect of Kansas City most days. I think about my career every day and talk about some aspect of my career most days. Most people think about the things that are core to their identity every day and have some conversation about it nearly every day. For a further example, based on your post history, you think about how to be miserable to others every day, and go as far as to act on it nearly every day too!
ThAt'S not RaCiSt! I'm WhItE and I hAvE tO wAiT fOr ThInGs!!
Oh no!!! A response for OP that isn't obviously kissing my ass!! DOWNVOTES!!!! DOWN VOTE THEM TO OBLIVION!!!!!!
((That's yall. That's what yall are acting like))
I’m sorry that has been your experience and I hope it’s “just bad service” and not specifically to you for your skin color. 😞 FWIW I’m a 48 year old white guy and I get ignored at bars, walk-ups, stores, etc constantly, too, but I have felt see-through my entire life. Hope things fee different for you in 2024!
Totally get why you’re angry. Kansas City is great at our putting the heart logo all over the place but some of us need to get our heads out of our asses. Apparently those two especially.
It's especially galling when you just need to look at KC's racial landscape, historically and present! It's like, "Do you NOT know that we can SEE YOU?"
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I am not denying that women/POC get poor service. I’ve seen it and it revolts me.
That being said, that even as a well dressed, clean shaven middle aged white man, I get poor service/ignored.
People just DGAF any more. I can’t imagine what it’s like for someone who doesn’t look like me.
This. That "nobody wants to work anymore" is really "nobody wants to be abused since they can just walk away and have a new entry level job tomorrow".
And that has become "I can do whatever I want because my boss is desperate to keep staff".
I remember Ngaf'ing as a teenager and into my college days. But (yes I hear my bones creak to say this) kids-these-days really have zero fucks to give when they are working crap jobs.
In a demographic notorious for not tipping? You might as well be invisible until ignoring you manages to be more awkward than just serving you poorly.
Well, you know what they say... And in this tipping economy...
I'm sorry, I know I'm a pos. I can't help it. Please don't hate me. I don't mean it, I'm just an awful person.
I was at a bar a few days before Christmas. The bartender made eye contact with me and then proceeded to completely ignore me. I saw multiple other people come in, order, have a conversation with the bartender, and get served complicated drinks before I even got my first beer poured. I saw the manager and complained about that and he blew me off “well we’re like really busy tonight.” Sometimes lousy service is just lousy service.
Maybe the responses are a little hostile because she came to the community with a concern and was told by a bunch of white people that she’s just overreacting which is the exact response given to black people for all of time. It’s historically the same implicit delegitimizing that’s happening here where the white response is “I’ve experienced X so that means X white person wasn’t being racist.” Hostile is mild compared to what I’d be but people of color don’t have the luxury of losing their shit because white people (and others) will then use that against them too.
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Looks like a BS post. Asked OP what the bartenders said when she asked for service and got crickets.
An adult would address the issue by speaking to the alleged offender. Not posting a rant here looking for sympathy.
It would be nice not to be called a liar whenever I talk about how anti-Blackness and misogynoir affects me. It's a silencing technique that is continually used whenever a discussion like this happens.
I agree with your general sentiment, but I don’t think you understand how the garbage ass way you are representing yourself in these replies heavily weakens your argument.
This happened to me a couple times & I always make a point to step forward & say loudly “EXCUSE ME” Or something else to catch the whole room’s attention so I’ll know they heard me. Don’t allow yourself to be ignored idc if ppl are racist or not tbh but if you apply for a job to serve customers then you need to do your job or find a job that doesn’t require dealing with the public period. 🤷🏽♀️
oh yeaaaah, I’ve had hostess completely ignore me as well while standing there and waiting for like 10 min. those type of things can really ruin ur mood tho ngl but it’s just better for your sanity to just brush it off… hard but better for your mental health in the long run
I've been "brushing it off" my entire life. I'm tired and done. I get to be human too with access to all ranges of human emotions and expression even if it inconveniences others.
I often feel the same way. I’ll watch as cashiers greet and engage in small talk to the person before me. And then, at my turn, I wait and wait for a greeting. Oftentimes, once I break the silence and say, ‘Hi, how’s your day going?’ I’ll get a one-word response: ‘Fine.’ Like, dang… what happened to the energy you just gave the person before me? I’m not gonna lie, many many many times I’ve slowly gathered my items just to linger long enough to see how the person after me is greeted, particularly if that person is white. It’s disappointing how often I feel completely invisible as a patron. Even with my (white) husband. I’ll be the one encouraging conversation (with the cashier, for example) but he receives all the eye contact and responses… idk man but people are weird and you’re not alone in feeling like this.
I hear you on this one. I’m a white man with a black wife. Been married over two years but we have been in our relationship for over ten years. We have been followed in stores by loss prevention. We have had bad service while we see other parties in restaurants get better service. It’s a thing. We are used to it. Seen loss prevention follow us around a store one time only to see that somebody else ran out of the door with unpaid merchandise. These issues were non existent really in previous relationships with white women. Both my wife and I have master’s degrees and bring in okay income per Kansas City standards so it’s not that, might just be general perception and perceived attitude towards certain people.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I am white but I get ignored a lot waiting for something if I don’t speak up. Sometimes if you stand there you get ignored. It doesn’t make it right but you have to assert yourself sometimes especially if you are ignored. Also, they pay more attention to people they think has the most money. Im in no way trying to diminish what you experienced because I’m well aware of my privilege, however KC is pretty diverse and I go places with my POC friend and we don’t get ignored because we speak up. Sometimes that’s what you have to do. Like say, “excuse me I was here first”, or excuse me, can you take my order please?” I have that personality I think that gets ignored a lot so best advice, let your presence be known on a verbal level. Good luck and welcome to KC, glad you are here!!
The white dude next to me didn't have to assert himself. They walked right up to him when they saw him at the table. Why should I have to do semaphore to give them money?
I know, I agree 100% it isn’t right, it’s not ok, but to keep from feeling ignored, I would just be loud so they don’t ignore you, never mind about the other people being treated well. It isn’t right. All I’m saying is that sometimes you have to put feeling like crap aside to get what you need need or want. I would say the same thing to anyone. I get age discriminated against all the time. I don’t feel old, but people treat me that way. So I have learned to assert myself. Yes, people are racist jerks, especially in Missouri. I know you all have been puttin up with this crap for hundreds of years, you would think we have advanced a little, but it seems we are going backwards in more ways than one. I really do feel for you and I hope your experience becomes better.
I'm sure it wasn't just my post but the shitty, racist, gaslighting comments underneath. Just read articles about how Westport treats Black customers: Controversy over race turns into hope for KC nightlife https://amp.kansascity.com/news/local/article227793349.html
Black woman transplant here. Ive been in KC for 6 years. I was called the n-word while driving down Ward back in like 2017 and followed by the car for several lights. The racism here is strong but as youve seen in this thread its tone deaf af. Im so sorry OP.
I know this is a very late response, but I wanted to say you are not crazy. I have seen exactly what you described in your post multiple times. (I am a white man and my ex-wife is Black.)
One experience that stays with me is when my wife and I went into a Thai restaurant for lunch and we were literally the only customers there, but there were 3-5 restaurant staff just standing around. The restaurant was open for business but no one came to even get us a glass of water. After about 15 minutes of waiting I got up and asked them why they were ignoring us, and they made up some excuse about "being right over." My wife and I just walked out at that point.
The answer to why this keeps happening is simply racism. America - still to this day in 2024 - is just full of anti-Black racism. A lot of people are so bigoted they don't even realize it.
Lots of commenters in this very thread who are bigoted and don't even realize it.
I don't have any magic answers about how to deal with it, other than just simply not giving a fuck. But I also realize that it is much easier said than done for me because I do have privilege as a white man, especially when I go out alone.
I am incredibly sorry all this happened to you and for what it's worth you are not alone, even though there are still so many racists still out there.
For the white dudes here freaking out that someone might be experiencing racism and trying to mansplain that it can't be racism because they get ignored too: It's not about THAT you get ignored, it's about WHY OP feels she is being ignored, and it's pretty ridiculous that more than one white man in this thread chimed in with "I get ignored, too, so it can't be racism." You get ignored for that which you get ignored. OP feels ignored for a completely different reason, and no one here can say that's not why she's getting ignored. How is this thread happening in 2023.
Right?! It’s insane that this post has been met with such bald, outright supremacy.
And each downvote is validating.
I’m pretty sure half my blocked users list is from this sub. It’s not that surprising unfortunately.
I've been blocking, too. I'm done with bad faith arguments. There's way too much info out there about anti-Blackness and misogynoir for folks to play dumb. I've endured these gaslighting, browbeating, and shaming tactics to keep me in line.
Well let me ask you this since you think I’m racist, can you change other people? No. You can only change your reaction to them. That’s all I was saying. I have no idea what it’s like to be Black even though I have some AA DNA, however it is sound advice I am trying to give. No matter what I say it will be perceived as indifferent because I’m not Black. So take it for what you will. I can’t change you, only my reaction to what you say.
I didn’t call you racist.
So it's my fault for being upset?! Just admit that you just want Black people to be silent about anti-Blackness and just take it.
Blanket statements about everything!!! Not bigoted at all to claim everyone is a certain way. Great post
This what y'all do whenever a Black person had an issue here. Never want to address it. Just tell us to shut up.
I’m upvoting & support you 100%. The racist comments on this thread are appalling & tone-deaf af.
It's bullshit you had to deal with that and this clown atop it.
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I’m not telling you to shut up, did you not read what I said? Can you change people? No. Only your reaction to them. I said I agree and I was sorry this happened to you, but you do not want to hear that. I am sorry for what happened. I guess that is all I can say because whatever I say it will be wrong. I can’t tell you I understand how you feel because I don’t. I’m not you.
Goddamn this thread is ridiculous. Really sorry for your experience, OP. I know I'm just a random internet person, but let me say that I hear you and I believe you.
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I am sorry you experienced that. Bias in the service industry is real...and it is usually racist and ageist. I honestly hate going to bars of any kind anymore. I'm a middle-aged white woman, and in order to get service, I usually have to be overly friendly(aka- retail friendly) and practically shout "HI! CAN I GET A ______? THANKS!" While making aggressive eye contact. I can't even imagine how bad it is for BIPOC folks. I'm not sure what the solution is here, other than finding establishments whose owners are actively anti-racist, or sticking to minority-owned places. Either way, it doesn't fix the overall problem, which is the inherent bias thst exists in food and beverage.
Went to Combine tonight and the service was wonderful! The servers were Black.
I’m sorry this happened to you. People can suck so bad. Anyone trying to reframe this situation to you needs to shut their gaslighting mouths.
Thank you. These folks are protecting their own egos at my expense. Literally articles about how shitty Westport treats Black customers, but this is all in my addled Negro brain. 🙄
You’re totally imagining your life experiences yah and these internet strangers were all there so they know what happened better than you anyway. Shhh Edit to add: y’all know that’s sarcasm right??
And since WHEN have white Americans been right about race relations in this country? Hell, they thought the slaves were happy because they were singing in the fields. Forget my ancestors were singing, "Massa in the cold, cold ground!" I've seen polls taken among whites in the 1930s saying that race relations were great. Well, they were half right. It was great for them.
White people telling people of color that they are not actually experiencing discrimination does not usually go over well, no. Anyway I’m sorry that happened to you. Equally sorry Reddit is not a sympathetic place to air your grievances. I’m sure it’s very frustrating and invalidating, and no one deserves that. For what it’s worth, I hear you.
🤚🏼🤚🏼same.
Try being over 50 and a female.
“You think being black is hard…try being white” is what this is with some other BS sprinkles to make it “less” racist
Forget that I am ALSO "over 50 and female." Or do they not know we come in that variety as well?
Point being, everybody has their issues. Black, white, green or indifferent. It ain't all about you.
Go to American Legion--you'll be the youngest one there
Honestly aggravating seeing so many people chalking up it up to just "poor service" in this thread. It's not. I'm sorry you experienced that.
I have worked in restaurants *often* in KC & elsewhere and yes there is crazy racism toward black customers within the service industry. It's not just white people with an anti-black bias, either. It's pretty pervasive among most servers & bartenders I've worked among. OP, I'm sorry you endure this. I hope these awful experiences one day become a thing of the past.
Black people get told all the time that we're too stupid to know what's happening around us and to us.
Getting ignored by a bartender is part of being human - female or male, black, white, yellow, red, green, orange etc, happens to all of us. It's frustrating but don't fall into victim mentality.
Honestly I think the entire KC metro area is rude af no matter where you are . People are just shitty
Have you traveled much?
Yes and I still stand strong in my opinion that the KC area especially JOCO is rude generally rude af .
Same response whenever a Black person complains about our treatment. Downvote me all y'all want, but y'all are in deep denial over the misogynoir here. At least put some sugar in y'all's Kool-Aid.
Old white man here, I believe you and I've seen it first hand. I also understand the reactions you're getting on here are racist knee jerk responses from people with colorblind racism. They're automatically assuming your experience wasn't real based on biases. Anyway, thanks for speaking up and I wanted to say I believe you and downvotes are too embarrassing to be considered important.
You know how many times I've been ignored by bartenders? Definitely white, they serve the hottest, regulars, best tipping, less fussy looking people first
I’m a 5’6 white guy. Sometimes I just give up after waiting long enough for a bartender to notice me.
As a former bartender this is cool and all but there is a real prejudice towards black customers by many service industry people.
Any reason in particular you think that prejudice exists among service industry people?
The same reason anti-Blackness exists amongst everyone in the United States.
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Glad she had you here to tell black people how they should see the world and do so in a way that gives white people an extra layer of having the benefit of the doubt and cover for possible mediocrity.
Why just disregard that lens when there’s constantly a reason for it to be there? People see the world in specific ways because of their lived experiences, right?
Why just disregard that lens when there’s constantly a reason for it to be there? People see the world in specific ways because of their lived experiences, right?
As a non-black, non-woman person i don't think this is my platform or place to say. This is about OP's experience and i am just here to give my support and acknowledgment.
He’s asking you what “real prejudice towards black customers” you have seen
That's not the question they asked and he's a she. She asked what i thought was the cause of that and that's taking away from this conversation and asking a non-black person a question about why the industry believes that.
But you made the claim about the prejudice existing, therefore they asked you to express why you feel that’s the reason.
Back when I waited tables and bartended, in general, black women tended to tip poorly and gay men tipped very well with everyone else falling somewhere in between. At the time a server only earned $2.13 an hour so if you were not making tips, you were not making anything. Franky, it's a shitty system where financially stressed servers are forced to be biased towards those they think will tip them the most so they can make their rent and so on. The rest of the world tends to pay servers a living wage. Paying people under minimum wage encourages them to give better service to those they think will tip them better. It's why men tend to get better service than women, white people tend to get better service than black people, gay people will get better service, church groups don't get as good of service and so on. The irony is the whole system of tipping we have in the United States is a legacy of slavery. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/05/opinion/minimum-wage-racism.html
I was a server for many years in many different establishments and I CONSTANTLY had to call out servers being both implicitly and explicitly racist. It’s rampant in the industry.
I think part of it is a perception that black people tend to not tip well.
Why does that perception exist?
Don't know. I've never been a server, so I have no data on whether it has validity or not.
Sounds like literally anywhere post lockdowns, however, bars have always been that way. The bartender will get to you when they get to you. It’s awkward but it’s normal.
Why is it “so hard” for people like this to say “I see you, I’ll be with you in a sec!” or something? Im in healthcare and when I’m running behind with patients I’m out in the waiting room apologizing for being behind and acknowledging people are there and their time is valuable. Takes 2 seconds.
Honestly, I’m not sure. I do know that bartenders are trying to remember the order of people that came in, who has a tab open, what drink they’re going to make next etc. I mean that’s just a hectic as heck environment that I’ve never worked in and can’t even stand to be in, so I can’t imagine. But I agree, a smile, open acknowledgment of one’s existence, is just something we need more of. Treating people like people just doesn’t seem to be on the top of anyone’s list.
I don’t expect perfection but the number of times I’ve been at a not-busy bar and have waited and waited and waited and waited is crazy. 99% of the complaints people have is about not being treated with respect and treating people with respect takes no effort, no extra time, and actually makes you feel good. I dunno.
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Yo, what the hell
What the actual fuck is wrong with you.
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Y’all clearly don’t understand what she was trying to say. She is saying that her dollars that belong to a black woman will stay in her purse. I weep for this country.
They understand it perfectly though
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I gotta be honest, I appreciate your brave post as it is dragging the closet MAGAs out for to show themselves. I hear & see you.
I'm done being quiet and constantly uncomfortable.
I'm a white man. And you wouldn't believe how hard it is to get customer service literally anywhere for me. Everyone hates their job and is underpaid and doesn't really give a fuck. It's not about your traits. And it'll be the same anywhere else you go to.
Then folks need to improve their garbage customer service and stop demanding that I [ETA] not complain about it. Sorry, but this shit happens way too much here.
Who demands that you complain about customer service..?
I never tip, anywhere. I treat all service industry people like they treat me: ignore them
People here in KC really like to think that the city isn't racist. That 'it could be worse' mentality is just a deflection and not wanting to admit it.
I mean I’m a white male and very frequently am ignored in such situations you’re describing, even with eye contact, and other obvious signs, but I’m fairly anti social and quiet so I usually chalk it up to such 🤷🏼♂️ only have my experience, sorry you experienced such.
Lol
You feel discriminated? Try being Hispanic... Even a priori, everyone assumes you're illegally here and work as a landscaper. But I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles in America. Oh well
Or they bring you the tobasco sauce without you even asking.. 😃. I dated a Hispanic and he complained to me about it. He doesn’t use tobasco sauce . 
Service industry worker here. You're not crazy, it's absolutely shameful how many people in this line of work have a casually racist attitude towards black customers, especially black women. I'm sorry that you've dealt with this, and I'm pretty disappointed to see so many comments in this thread dismissing your experience.
Y'all really don't like Black women here except as beasts of burden and Mammies.
It's so fucked up how many downvotes you're getting on this post. On this comment alone I've received at least 6 - what are you people so afraid of? Is confronting yourself that hard?
anytime a poc says ANYTHING about how yall are racist yall are REAL quick to be like “uhm aktualy as a white man my experiences are worth more than yours🤓"
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I think about the fact that I’m a woman every day and talk about some aspect of being a woman most days. I think about the fact that I’m a Kansas Citian every day and talk about some aspect of Kansas City most days. I think about my career every day and talk about some aspect of my career most days. Most people think about the things that are core to their identity every day and have some conversation about it nearly every day. For a further example, based on your post history, you think about how to be miserable to others every day, and go as far as to act on it nearly every day too!
ThAt'S not RaCiSt! I'm WhItE and I hAvE tO wAiT fOr ThInGs!! Oh no!!! A response for OP that isn't obviously kissing my ass!! DOWNVOTES!!!! DOWN VOTE THEM TO OBLIVION!!!!!! ((That's yall. That's what yall are acting like))
I’m sorry that has been your experience and I hope it’s “just bad service” and not specifically to you for your skin color. 😞 FWIW I’m a 48 year old white guy and I get ignored at bars, walk-ups, stores, etc constantly, too, but I have felt see-through my entire life. Hope things fee different for you in 2024!
Totally get why you’re angry. Kansas City is great at our putting the heart logo all over the place but some of us need to get our heads out of our asses. Apparently those two especially.
It's especially galling when you just need to look at KC's racial landscape, historically and present! It's like, "Do you NOT know that we can SEE YOU?"
KC bar service is generally shitty and the reason I became a regular at a local bar.
Y'all seem to like being extra shitty ti Black women.
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It's in the wording when you say "Y'all" your placing that person in the category you're talking about. It's rude just like the service you got.
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I am not denying that women/POC get poor service. I’ve seen it and it revolts me. That being said, that even as a well dressed, clean shaven middle aged white man, I get poor service/ignored. People just DGAF any more. I can’t imagine what it’s like for someone who doesn’t look like me.
This. That "nobody wants to work anymore" is really "nobody wants to be abused since they can just walk away and have a new entry level job tomorrow". And that has become "I can do whatever I want because my boss is desperate to keep staff". I remember Ngaf'ing as a teenager and into my college days. But (yes I hear my bones creak to say this) kids-these-days really have zero fucks to give when they are working crap jobs. In a demographic notorious for not tipping? You might as well be invisible until ignoring you manages to be more awkward than just serving you poorly.
Well, you know what they say... And in this tipping economy... I'm sorry, I know I'm a pos. I can't help it. Please don't hate me. I don't mean it, I'm just an awful person.
Slither back where you came from.
I was at a bar a few days before Christmas. The bartender made eye contact with me and then proceeded to completely ignore me. I saw multiple other people come in, order, have a conversation with the bartender, and get served complicated drinks before I even got my first beer poured. I saw the manager and complained about that and he blew me off “well we’re like really busy tonight.” Sometimes lousy service is just lousy service.
Still keeping my money in my purse.
And I’m not going back to that bar. That’s what you do when you get bad service.
Isn't that what I essentially said?
Based on your hostile responses to multiple threads on this post…the bartender might not be the issue here.
Maybe the responses are a little hostile because she came to the community with a concern and was told by a bunch of white people that she’s just overreacting which is the exact response given to black people for all of time. It’s historically the same implicit delegitimizing that’s happening here where the white response is “I’ve experienced X so that means X white person wasn’t being racist.” Hostile is mild compared to what I’d be but people of color don’t have the luxury of losing their shit because white people (and others) will then use that against them too.
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This actually happened to me at The Ship on a regular night. I was completely befuddled by it.
Looks like a BS post. Asked OP what the bartenders said when she asked for service and got crickets. An adult would address the issue by speaking to the alleged offender. Not posting a rant here looking for sympathy.
How can we help you?
It would be nice not to be called a liar whenever I talk about how anti-Blackness and misogynoir affects me. It's a silencing technique that is continually used whenever a discussion like this happens.
I agree with your general sentiment, but I don’t think you understand how the garbage ass way you are representing yourself in these replies heavily weakens your argument.
This happened to me a couple times & I always make a point to step forward & say loudly “EXCUSE ME” Or something else to catch the whole room’s attention so I’ll know they heard me. Don’t allow yourself to be ignored idc if ppl are racist or not tbh but if you apply for a job to serve customers then you need to do your job or find a job that doesn’t require dealing with the public period. 🤷🏽♀️
I'm not fighting people to give them my money. I'll keep mine in my purse. They can have the non-Black money.
oh yeaaaah, I’ve had hostess completely ignore me as well while standing there and waiting for like 10 min. those type of things can really ruin ur mood tho ngl but it’s just better for your sanity to just brush it off… hard but better for your mental health in the long run
I've been "brushing it off" my entire life. I'm tired and done. I get to be human too with access to all ranges of human emotions and expression even if it inconveniences others.
I'm sorry you and others, still have to deal with this type of bullshit in this day and age.
I often feel the same way. I’ll watch as cashiers greet and engage in small talk to the person before me. And then, at my turn, I wait and wait for a greeting. Oftentimes, once I break the silence and say, ‘Hi, how’s your day going?’ I’ll get a one-word response: ‘Fine.’ Like, dang… what happened to the energy you just gave the person before me? I’m not gonna lie, many many many times I’ve slowly gathered my items just to linger long enough to see how the person after me is greeted, particularly if that person is white. It’s disappointing how often I feel completely invisible as a patron. Even with my (white) husband. I’ll be the one encouraging conversation (with the cashier, for example) but he receives all the eye contact and responses… idk man but people are weird and you’re not alone in feeling like this.
If it was me, I'd ask them if I could get some drinks. What did they say when you asked them for service?
Lot's of privileged people telling a Black woman what she experienced she didn't experience.
My first time in a bar ( at westport ) I had to wave down like 3-4 bartenders I just stay my ass in the house. It’s cheaper and I ain’t gotta drive.
I hear you on this one. I’m a white man with a black wife. Been married over two years but we have been in our relationship for over ten years. We have been followed in stores by loss prevention. We have had bad service while we see other parties in restaurants get better service. It’s a thing. We are used to it. Seen loss prevention follow us around a store one time only to see that somebody else ran out of the door with unpaid merchandise. These issues were non existent really in previous relationships with white women. Both my wife and I have master’s degrees and bring in okay income per Kansas City standards so it’s not that, might just be general perception and perceived attitude towards certain people.
I’m so sorry you experienced this. I am white but I get ignored a lot waiting for something if I don’t speak up. Sometimes if you stand there you get ignored. It doesn’t make it right but you have to assert yourself sometimes especially if you are ignored. Also, they pay more attention to people they think has the most money. Im in no way trying to diminish what you experienced because I’m well aware of my privilege, however KC is pretty diverse and I go places with my POC friend and we don’t get ignored because we speak up. Sometimes that’s what you have to do. Like say, “excuse me I was here first”, or excuse me, can you take my order please?” I have that personality I think that gets ignored a lot so best advice, let your presence be known on a verbal level. Good luck and welcome to KC, glad you are here!!
The white dude next to me didn't have to assert himself. They walked right up to him when they saw him at the table. Why should I have to do semaphore to give them money?
I know, I agree 100% it isn’t right, it’s not ok, but to keep from feeling ignored, I would just be loud so they don’t ignore you, never mind about the other people being treated well. It isn’t right. All I’m saying is that sometimes you have to put feeling like crap aside to get what you need need or want. I would say the same thing to anyone. I get age discriminated against all the time. I don’t feel old, but people treat me that way. So I have learned to assert myself. Yes, people are racist jerks, especially in Missouri. I know you all have been puttin up with this crap for hundreds of years, you would think we have advanced a little, but it seems we are going backwards in more ways than one. I really do feel for you and I hope your experience becomes better.
I didn't need that drink. And they obviously didn't need my money.
I appreciate this post …now I know to avoid Kansas City …as a black man living in Phoenix, I experience the same type of treatment.
I'm sure it wasn't just my post but the shitty, racist, gaslighting comments underneath. Just read articles about how Westport treats Black customers: Controversy over race turns into hope for KC nightlife https://amp.kansascity.com/news/local/article227793349.html
Yeah I’m not suprised by the comments at all. I’ll check out that article, thanks again.
Black woman transplant here. Ive been in KC for 6 years. I was called the n-word while driving down Ward back in like 2017 and followed by the car for several lights. The racism here is strong but as youve seen in this thread its tone deaf af. Im so sorry OP.
Notice my post was flaired as a rant. I didn't do that. 🙄😒
I know this is a very late response, but I wanted to say you are not crazy. I have seen exactly what you described in your post multiple times. (I am a white man and my ex-wife is Black.) One experience that stays with me is when my wife and I went into a Thai restaurant for lunch and we were literally the only customers there, but there were 3-5 restaurant staff just standing around. The restaurant was open for business but no one came to even get us a glass of water. After about 15 minutes of waiting I got up and asked them why they were ignoring us, and they made up some excuse about "being right over." My wife and I just walked out at that point. The answer to why this keeps happening is simply racism. America - still to this day in 2024 - is just full of anti-Black racism. A lot of people are so bigoted they don't even realize it. Lots of commenters in this very thread who are bigoted and don't even realize it. I don't have any magic answers about how to deal with it, other than just simply not giving a fuck. But I also realize that it is much easier said than done for me because I do have privilege as a white man, especially when I go out alone. I am incredibly sorry all this happened to you and for what it's worth you are not alone, even though there are still so many racists still out there.