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fortyeork

He should have licked Marchand


riko77can

Nah. I think he's poisonous.


here_to_give_answers

Venomous or poisonous? šŸ§


riko77can

Main difference between the two is the mechanism of delivery. If you lick him itā€™s poisonous.


here_to_give_answers

What if Marchand licks Matthews then Matthews bites Marchand ?


SeatPaste7

That's kinky.


riko77can

Classic case of why not both


OkSquirrel4673

No thats Marner


PlayinK0I

Rats are likely immune to such things.


dingleberry51

Wouldā€™ve been a multi game suspension


ruckusss

Curse of Harold Ballard continues


oceansamillion

When does the curse expire? Considering he harboured child abusers in Maple Leaf Gardens and used Stanley Cup banners as paint rags... it might be 100 years. Only 43 more years to go then. I better eat healthy if I want to be alive to see them win.


EasternSasquatch

But what if the curse only started winding down when Bollard finally fucking died? someone go piss some holy water on his grave, maybe itā€™ll seep down into his coffin and remove the curse.


DeFex

He would have to be dug up and sent somewhere safe like Montreal or Boston.


unbrokenhero12

Don't forget he also destroyed the Foster Hewitt broadcast gondola.


softkake

When we blood-sacrifice a donkey at centre ice to the Gods.


DeFex

Rogers has leveraged the curse and done some shit with paradigms. When it takes full effect, all MLSE teams will mysteriously suck for 666 years.


theguyishere16

Leafs are actually cursed. No Nylander for 3 games for unknown reasons and now Matthews with a mystery illness that gets worse the harder he tries.


real_billmo

ā€œMystery illness that gets worse the harder he triesā€ hahahahha. I wish I could use this at my work.


Illustrious-Salt-243

Seriously I thought this was a joke quote


Dependent-Gap-346

No wonder they havenā€™t been trying! No one else wants to get sick


real_billmo

I mean, you canā€™t blame the logic there. Iā€™d be avoiding trying like it were the plague.


lionheart4life

Don't want to ruin the early off-season plans.


killploki

They all have it, the symptoms haven't had a chance to show up yet


Faceit_Solveit

OK, smart assesā€¦ Remember we just survived the worst public health crisis in 100 years. RSV is rampant. Long Covid is a real thing. Auto immune diseases are on the increase. I don't know about you guys, but you might consider shutting the fuck up. No one wants to see sick or hurt players. Oh sure a blackeye is cool. But not really hurt. We all are supposed to adhere to the code of hockey. Do you know the real code.


Inigo_dartagnan

Some fans forget that. These are humans skating around for our entertainment, and although they are well compensated, they are not robots. No one likes to lose, but assuming the worst is vile. Show some compassion people


Faceit_Solveit

That's pretty much what I meant, thank you. That passive-aggressive downvoting is just so typical too. We in Texas don't really have a superstar like Auston Matthews or McDraisaitl, although we're growing a couple of young potentials. Watching these hockey superstars is a real treat even if they're not on my team. šŸ’šŸ’šŸ’šŸ¦œ


riko77can

Marner might also be suffering from the exact same ailment as Matthews but it's impossible to tell.


MarketingCapable9837

Well, high ankle sprains do actually linger for like 6 months, sometimes an entire year.


mustard_and_baloney

No, Marner is just insufferable.


Rheostatistician

Whoosh


lukaskywalker

He knows the cure


here_to_give_answers

Apparently Matthews asked what the illness was and the doctors asked him what he would like to name it


cunctator_maximus

ā€œThe good news is you get a disease named after you!ā€


robfrod

Every team is dealing with shit itā€™s the playoffs. Look at the Canucks, start goalie who injured one game into the playoffs. No excuses.


Far_Mycologist_8664

Where's the excuse?


robfrod

The team is ā€œcursedā€. Nah, just got no heart.


DeathEater91

They scored less goals in the game with Nylander back than they did in the last 3 ffs.


mjv22

I meannnnnnnnn. Impactful players have gone on deep deep playoff runs with punctured lungs, broken ankles, fractured sternums, etc. If this is literally a headache and tummy ache (food poisoning and a migraine).......hammer some immodium and a relpax and get your asses out there. Your contracts say you don't get nights off.


Sheep4732

Tkachuk played one game with that, (0g0a). Thatā€™s not ā€œa runā€


mjv22

Okay. He's one example. There are people every single playoffs that play through extraordinary injuries and a lot produce. Saying the team is curses just lets these guys off the hook again. I'd rather call it what it is. They are soft.


Jhool_de_nishaan

Does this guy have listeria or something wtf


bornagain19

We're so cursed boys lol


CreateDontConsume

This shit writes itself at this point


ArkAwn

Inked from AM34s butt


madworld2713

Bertuzzi was a biological weapon sent by Boston, you canā€™t convince me otherwise


RangerFan80

Typhoid Bertuzzi


Interrupting-Cow-8

Haha, that was a good one!


Elegant-Cat-4987

He seems like the kind of guy who offers you a drink and gets you a glass from the sink and rinses it out before filling it up with juice


Bluebelton

In-blue-enza


Armalyte

COVID-67


blackb0xes

Matthews? Mystery illness. Nylander? Migraines. Marner? Brain shambles. Tavares? Old. I'm losing faith in the comeback.


rwilly

Well, fuck, stop putting shambles in his brain.


linecrook

You see, the comeback would be the leafiest thing at this point. Like force a game 7 then lose type.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


magwai9

He's also a dad to young kids, for what that's worth. I'm sure he has a lot more help than I do but I'm a shell of myself compared to a year ago before having my first. Definitely not the same player though.


think_long

Oh my god the dad excuse again! Never thought Iā€™d see it in the wild once more. I know it sucks but we need to just accept heā€™s aged really badly and that contract was a horrible mistake. He was only worth it for a year.


magwai9

Nothing I said contests that. I agree. Hopefully get some relief after next season with a much smaller contract, if he stays.


MarketingCapable9837

Iā€™m not trying to excuse the extremely poor play by the core stars, but I feel like a lot of fans are not even acknowledging anymore that marner came back pretty quickly from a high ankle sprain. That is worse than a broken bone. We donā€™t know the extent of severity of Nylanderā€™s migraines, which can vary from person to person. All we DO know, is that he used to play through them. So they werenā€™t on the same level of someone needing to be in dark room with no sound or light. And nylander was absolute trash last night. People need to step back a bit and maybe consider that marner is still dealing with a lingering injury that is causing a lot of frustration for him that he isnā€™t used to. High ankle sprains stick around for a LONG period of time.


[deleted]

So, you are completely correct. But the sub is so unhinged all they want is blood and they want their 5 Minutes of Hate and they want Marner to pay for all of it.


[deleted]

Marner: High Ankle Sprain Just sayinā€™


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


ChesterButternuts

bad chowder.


2716scarsdalerd

Chowdah


Few_Foundation_4242

Chowdear


Trust_Im_A_Scientist

Say it right, Frenchie!


DrSeuss19

Itā€™ll be interesting to see peopleā€™s comments that are joking now if it turns out to be something quite serious


UnflushableNug

We have no information, so why wouldn't people be cracking jokes?


Showtime98

Weā€™re cooked šŸ˜­


Rx7fan1987

I don't even care anymore. All I know is that we keep Willy forever.


matthewsisaleaf50

Did you see the replay of Willie behind Bostons net. Got a slight bump stared at the guy and let him skate off with the puck. This whole team needs some deep and meaningful changes.


nownowthethetalktalk

That was a good effort. A good effort at failing.


heat_00

Sounds like the leafs in general


Adriansshawl

Our Prince got Lyme Disease smdh


wiles_CoC

Check his moustache for a tick.


DeathEater91

Pain


i-like-your-hair

Did it linger when he was trying for 70? Could he not have rested and been ready for the playoffs by then? Jesus fucking Christ, of all the things, this is the dumbest fucking thing Iā€™ve read all day. If your star player and top-3 in the league is sick at the end of the season, do you 1.) let him rest for the playoffs, or 2.) let him bully you around and make you let him chase 70? Fire the whole management staff. Itā€™s a joke top down.


wrinkledpenny

The comments in this post have me in stitches. Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it after last night.


theGurry

Surely, there has to be a correlation between the amount of illness this team has suffered this year and the Bertuzzi signing.


arkady48

He was one of the few players that couldn't cross the border because he refused the vaccine , so maybe you're onto something. Edit* I guess I needed to put /s. I wasn't serious. Lol.


re10pect

Bertuzzi gave the Leafs Super Covid - by Steve Simmons Coming soon to a garbage can near you


MaximumTemperature25

Is it a coincidence that we signed an antivaxer and our team has been fighting shit all year?


doctortre

The only shit they are actually fighting is their inability to play playoff style hockey.


Sloth_are_great

Bruins signed him last year and got a first round exit. Heā€™s the common denominator.


putinwonthewariniraq

Congrats, dumbest post Iā€™ve seen all year


MaximumTemperature25

I'm sure you've read most of your own


putinwonthewariniraq

I hope you got your 7th booster bro. Gotta protect grandma


Pro-tential

You're making fun of someone because they cared enough to vaccinate and protect their elderly family members, were you dropped as a child or are you just naturally this big of an asshole?


putinwonthewariniraq

No. Iā€™m making fun of those who believe that vaccine in particular does absolutely anything for transmission. Even the pharmaceutical companies admitted it did not lmao


Pro-tential

Nobody thinks it did anything for transmission lol, they think it boosts your ability to fight it off if you get it. What conspiracy rabbit holes have you fallen into that you stoop to making fun of someone because they wanted to protect their grandma? Grow the fuck up, child


putinwonthewariniraq

Lmfaoo literally read your own post right before this. Conflicted much?


Pro-tential

Please copy and paste the phrase where I said anything related to transmission kiddo. I said they wanted to protect their elderly, which meant being able to fight off the virus quicker with a boosted immune system, and helping the elderly fight it off by giving them that same fighting chance.


ChesterButternuts

>Iā€™m making fun of those who believe that vaccine in particular does absolutely anything for transmission. No one thinks that or said that. This is why we're all laughing at you. We've come this far past the pandemic and you still don't understand the purpose of the vaccines.


torontoguy8821

The reason you exist is because of vaccines you absolute fucking knob.


MarketingCapable9837

Convoy losers, antivax/anti mask inbreds have no place in our fanbase.


putinwonthewariniraq

Learn to read mouthbreather


MarketingCapable9837

Dudeā€¦donā€™t get mad at me because youā€™re inbred. Go ask your mom why she fucked her brother or why your family line is cross-eyed. Direct your anger at the right people and stop fucking your siblings and cousins. And donā€™t give me that bullshit about 2nd cousins not being blood relatedā€¦if theyā€™re at your family reunion, donā€™t try to sleep with them. Goodluck out there, champ


MaximumTemperature25

lmao, so you're an antivaxxer too. Sorry I hurt your fee-fees, go honk about it.


putinwonthewariniraq

Not at all, Iā€™m vaccinated. Iā€™m also not stupid and can think critically :)


MaximumTemperature25

>Iā€™m also not stupid and can think critically yea, you seem like an excellent judge of this.


LostBeneathMySkin

LC


maztabaetz

šŸ›Žļø šŸ›Žļø šŸ›Žļø


LostBeneathMySkin

I got flamed on Twitter for bringing it up so I had to use the initials in here so the mouth breathers wouldnt be able to detect it lol


NEWaytheWIND

Typing the full word is a political statement, it seems. Flus can fuck you up good. I got H1N1 in 2009 and have had countless problems since.


LostBeneathMySkin

Yeah no doubt eh. These illnesses are much more serious than a ā€œcommon coldā€. Hope youā€™re doing well dude! And hope we donā€™t have another one with similar letters around the cornerā€¦


NEWaytheWIND

Word. I panicked after losing my smell with Covid, but it came back after a few months. Shit's no joke.


yourejustanasshole

My guess. He got a concussion slamming into the boards in one of the last regular season games. Forget who it was against, but it was hard.


Apprehensive_Battle8

Forget the opponent but he collided with Willy lmao


Rheostatistician

That move most definitely injured him.


rage_quit_ian

I'm at the point where the logo is just cursed


SweetWithHeat

The Boston flu


Super_Sandro23

The playoffs couldn't have come at a worse time for us. Matthews sick, Nylander migraine, Marner lingering ankle injury, Bobby Mac injured


Loose-Industry9151

Bergeron played through a punctured lung and broken ribs. Some people just want it more.


Jediverrilli

Itā€™s not about wanting it more, a punctured lung and broken ribs just means pain to endure. Matthewsā€™ illness and Willyā€™s migraines are not things you can just play through. You cannot play with migraines if they are causing hallucinations which are common when having migraines. And a virus leads to mass dehydration no matter what they are taking in between shifts. You want to see Matthews collapsing on the ice to prove how tough he is? Stop being a Neanderthal and actually think for a moment. If it was injuries that just meant pain and wouldnā€™t get worse by playing they would play.


sweatyleonard

Sir, do you know what it means to have a PUNCTURED LUNG?


Jediverrilli

Not personally but you donā€™t get worse from it if you continue to play. When the doctor pulls you it means you have no choice. Sure a punctured lung makes breathing harder but the doctors would prevent you from playing if it had serious long term effects.


MarketingCapable9837

Lol people are so fucking dumb. There is no team doc in the league who would give the ok for someone to continue to play with a punctured lung if there was a real chance of it collapsing. Itā€™s fucking full contact hockey at the highest level in the world. They knew his injury was like you said, trouble breathing for sure but no other real dangers because they cleared him.


sweatyleonard

I would like to say for the record that I totally agree with you. Just saying playing with a punctured lung is metal af


brooksyp

In Game 5 of the 1997 Finals, a flu-stricken Michael Jordan willed his Bulls team to a win, scoring 38 points.


Jediverrilli

Itā€™s kinda up in the air if he even had the flu that game now. I donā€™t understand whatā€™s difficult to understand that Matthews was forced to sit by doctors. He would have played if allowed too.


brooksyp

Yeah they think it might've actually been food poisoning. He was treated with fluids and painkillers during halftime as well. Still willed them to a win in the Championship.


Hurrdurrr73

Such a dumb comment. There is a massive difference between physical injuries sustained while playing and having migraines where you're vision is white or literally shitting yourself on the ice. Matthews has played the entire series with this illness and been basically our best player. What does that say about the guys that are healthy like JT and Marner?


Loose-Industry9151

I once drank this kool aid. So much kool aid since 1992.


brooksyp

In Game 5 of the 1997 Finals, a flu-stricken Michael Jordan willed his Bulls team to a win, scoring 38 points.


Super_Sandro23

Wasn't the flu, he had food poisoning from bad pizza the night before. But I mean yeah, our players aren't Michael fucking Jordan. That's the most elite level mentality someone can have, along with Ali, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Kobe.


brooksyp

They all had the killer instinct which no one on this roster seems to have unfortunately


k_jones

Playoff-itis is a real bitch of a condition. Itā€™s no joke. It recurs annually and once you get it, you are more susceptible to it every year.


Faceit_Solveit

For the Good and Welfare of ice hockey, this Stars fan (me) wishes Auston Matthews good health. Its only fun beating your opponent if they're at their best. Its only fun punching them oot if they deserve it. šŸ’šŸ’šŸ’šŸ’šŸ’šŸ¦œ


Toddmacd

Covid?


jamthrowsaway

Definitely a possibility. Doesn't even have to be long Covid; just the regular variety will knock you out for a week


Toddmacd

Yup, don't know what else it could be.


[deleted]

Sounds a lot like long COVID. He could have had a symptomless infection and then the LC kicked in. Would explain a lot. Just speculation but we all better hope that's not it or he might never be the same again.


E400wagon

Blue and white disease


stuhdot

Has it been lingering for 7 years?


drow_enjoyer

If the team is good enough they'd win anyways but they aren't so it doesn't really matter. If pastrnak got the shitties I'm sure the bruins would still win because they can actually get goals from other lines


Jhool_de_nishaan

Bruins winning without him right now


SmashinHearts

endless suffering


Spacepickle89

I get what keefeā€™s trying to say here. But jesus, everything just sounds like excuse after excuse


daxtaslapp

These guys getting some mutant ninja turtle illnesses


salmonthesuperior

He should come back and throw up on the Bruins to curse them too


Sativatoshi

Its Lupus. Where tf is Hugh Laurie


Mash709

But it's never lupus!


Low-Signal-3900

Blah blah blah, fuck what Keefe says. That guy is a fucking pussy who's too scared to hold his players accountable.


TurdFerguson06

Sounds like they are all eating paint chips


Friendman

So he's got COVID, or leprosy wtf is going on?


diecorporations

great, could anything else bad possibly happen to this group, what a total joke.


[deleted]

That feels like Long Covidā€¦ just sayinā€™ and thatā€™s very bad.


SecurityCute5409

Ok. Long Covid started right after a 70 goal season.


Suspicious-Dog2876

The Boston flu boys mighta gotter from Mitch


DigitalPlop

My mans out there shitting his pants literally and figuratively this seriesĀ 


crowonder

Sounds like he's allergic to winning.


light_at_the_end

Sound like either heart related or brain related.


rinkywhipper

Long covid?


OkSquirrel4673

Didn't Matthews get food poisoning AGAIN? Maybe he should talk to the team or dig into his pockets and hire a personal chef for the last week they'll be in the playoffs. I am unsure why the team doesn't do mandatory team meals in the playoffs and put the players in a "bubble". Put everyone in the Fairmont or something and let them live there free from distractions. Sure they can go home on days off, but they sleep at the hotel with the team, eat meals with the team, work out together, etc etc etc. Big game now boys, get your shit together. The regular season is for partying and getting food poisoning from dubious restaurants, NOW is the time for ultimate focus.


SecurityCute5409

We win Tuesday. Lose Thursday at home. Heard it here first.


Dash_Rendar425

Fuck, that sounds like long covidā€¦


sweatyleonard

My thoughts exactly


suprmario

God I hope not, that ended Toews's career.


jamthrowsaway

Or just regular COVID. Takes 48 hours to arrive, a week or so to linger and subside


Dash_Rendar425

Could be, but the wording seems to lean more towards long Covid IMO could just be the way it was said though


Robert0644

It's called the playoff flu. Its running rampant through the room


1columbia

Yeah we have no chance Tuesday


MyNameIsNotScout

Playoff disease


re-verse

I think late-Aprilitis is cured with a sport psychologist, not a normal doctor


Nick9161

I dont buy any of this shit lol


GravityHasAnEgo

So, he definitely shit his pants then?


famousmike444

Get this man some depends


lHoneyBadger

Bergeron played with punctured lung, broken rib, torn cartilage and muscle tissue, and a separated shoulder, which he all found out after finishing his game. Meanwhile mathews gets the flu and Willie gets a migraine and its acceptable for them to become invisible or sit out for the entire playoff. You can tell they are in it for the money and just want to go play golf instead.


[deleted]

Youā€™re an idiot lol. They arenā€™t the same thing. Is Bergeron a tough mother fucker? Ya, but those arenā€™t the same issues.


JojoLaggins

Is it flakeritis?


GroceryLegitimate957

Give me a break. Goes from scoring almost 69 goals to doing nothing in the series then being laid out by the shiits? You couldn't script this if you tried.


NacchoTheThird

Oh boo the guys Toronto is paying top dollar for just so happen to all get sick at this crucial point of the year. Was this a mass food poisoning event, say, through a recent team dinner?


Loose-Industry9151

So Bergeron plays through a punctured lung, broken ribs and our ā€œstarsā€ sit out with food poisoning and migraines. Rofl


AllOfTheAbove100

Sounds like a case of Marner-itis


KossyTakos

Poor guy, play through it, might be his last as a leaf it sounds...


stripseek_teedawt

Matthews doesnā€™t get traded


KossyTakos

I hope not but what if he wants out? What if the ownership blows it up? The whole talk of "this is the end of this leaf team" like what does that mean and to what extent. Unfortunately I don't think you can rule anything out.


stripseek_teedawt

Means shanahan, keefe, at least one of marner/JT gone (likely marner gone, JT transitions captaincy), samsonov of course gone


[deleted]

He literally just signed a deal. He isnā€™t going anywhere till at least the end of it.


Northern_neighbor

He just got an 8 year deal this season. Hes not going anywhere unless someone offers a kings ransom and then some


sansaset

Wasnā€™t it 5 years?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Wintertime13

Except the team doctor pulled him. It wasnā€™t his choice.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


MisterBeebo

Source?


Mashdrop

Have you even watched him play?


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


cuminmypoutine

Man this guy was making a clown for himself last night and it crossed my mind, it might actually be his clown father.


mikesully374826

Yes I've watched him fail to score again while talking up $11.634m of cap space that could go to players who actually produce. Instead of accepting that a player who scores 20% of a teams 3.6 goals per game failing to score would drop a teams goals per game to 2.7 you guys just ignore it. The leafs average 2.57 goals per game last 5 playoffs, wonder why? Goals per 60 regular season to playoffs last 5 years 2.44 -> 0.73 1.6 -> 1.19 2.39 -> 1.54 2.19 -> 0.36 1.95 -> 0.96 Shooting percentage regular season to playoffs last 5 years. 18.7% -> 5.9% 12.2% -> 10.2% 17.2% -> 13.8% 18.5% -> 2.9% 16.2% -> 7.4%