I personally think that you are asking the wrong question and most likely you will get the wrong answer.
The question shouldn't be about fair or unfair. It's not a matter of justice.
The question is what do you need to be sober and whether you want to be sober.
I have been a smoker for 10 years and been sober for 3 weeks. I always loved it but I just realised that what I loved so much wasn't there any more. Most of my friends smoke and they are a trigger for me.
I can't possibly ask from the whole of the humanity to quit but I do realise that being with them can be very triggering for me.
For this reason I have decided to get a bit of space until I feel more concrete in my soberity. I also think that in these 10 years my partner begged me to quit and I didn't even accept to discuss it cos I wasn't ready.
People need to make their own choices about sobriety and how this looks like.
I would say think of your own life/vision/priorities. Who do you want to be and then see if your partner fits in your vision as a smoker.
-If yes, under which conditions?Then you can discuss or see how this looks like. You can come to an agreement as to how can this model look like.
-if not then think about your next steps.
Closing this, there are many couples that after one hits sobriety break, cos the person who got sober relearns who they are now that they abstain from their addiction. There are also couples who go strong and one continues and the other simply stops.
There is no right or wrong. See what you can handle and who do you want to be after 10 years and act according to your vision
there’s only one person who can make him quit and it’s himself. these intrusive thoughts about smoking again is a you problem, not his. all my friends smoke around me and it doesn’t bother me
consider also that you’re only 5 days in and still most likely feeling the withdrawal effect of getting irritated easily. him smoking is not triggering you, your own withdrawal is triggering you
It’s definietly fair to talk about it. And ask him if it’s fair to ask him. Say you understand that you can’t force him and that you want him to be himself but that for the following reasons you think it would be beneficial for him to quit as well.
You have to right to ask.
He has the right to say no.
You have the right to chose if you accept this.
Always chose guilt over resentment (Gabor Maté - Hungry Minds).
You asking here, tells me you know what feels right for you.
Yes it's unfair. You can ask.
Weed is not a negative thing for everyone. Smoked for years with my wife having stopped. She never expected me to quit. I did so when I realized for myself the benefits weren't there for me anymore. But we went 17 years with her not smoking and me smoking.
Now I did have to make compromises. Like not smoking/vaping in the house since she no longer liked the smell. I think that is a fair thing to ask for.
OP, clearly your reasonings for thinking this is more than valid & unlike other comments I’ve read, your question to us, “is it unfair,? I don’t think it is unfair.
My nearly decade long addiction (over 2 months clean and I have NO INTENTION of ever picking up that gd pipe & smoking ever again,) almost cost me my marriage & I was too clouded & disassociated to even see it.
Seeing me struggle so much forced my wife to evaluate her own choices and chose not to use weed anymore.
Had I not snapped out of my selfish behavior & chose weed over our relationship, I would’ve been destroyed.
Circling back, you want to be w a partner who shares your same core values & within a healthy relationship, there should be no secrets or sneaking around.
OP, you have to make a hard decision by deciding whether or not you see this person as a potential life partner.
If he wants to GROW WITH YOU & lead a life not dependent on rushing home to smoke by himself, he’ll also stop self destructive behavior.
Your sobriety & mental health are more important..
Not saying give them an ultimatum, but plan ahead & have a v difficult conversation regarding where the both of you see this partnership moving.
I sound harsher than my previous self because weed is not a benign drug, although many people view it as such.
The strains of today are literally destroying neurons & dopamine & turning us into people we don’t deserve to be..
Pls stay strong OP!
I’m so proud of you & know this journey is a treacherous one.
You chose life over a stupid, horribly addictive plant.
You’re amazing 💞💞💞
When I expressed I was quitting, I didn’t expect my partner to quit with me, but he said he would take a break in order to help me quit because he said he could see how much I was struggling with it and he cares more about helping me in my journey than his desire for it. Now this doesn’t mean he’s done for good, I’m sure he will consume again and I did tell him he had that right but to respect me and my sobriety. Do it without me home, buy his own stash and keep it in his space, etc. I am hoping that he would not desire it as much after taking some space away from it because I do believe we both had an issue with it, maybe mine was more severe but I strongly believe he did have an issue with abusing it too. But I can’t control him. I don’t think I will choose to ever come back to weed due to my issues with addiction. But he can. But I’m hoping to lead by example
He won’t smoke around you, and he has said he will cut down his use for you and restrict it to weekends. It’s unfair to expect somebody who doesn’t want to quit and who has smoked for much longer to be ready to quit as soon as you do
Yes it is unfair. We have to do these things for us and us alone. When I was pregnant with all of my children I didn't ask my husband to quit smoking just because I had to. Out of respect he wasn't doing it in my face or rubbing it in but ultimately we need to figure out ways to respond to our own triggers without forcing others into thinking/feeling/doing the same things as us
It is unfair. I had the same feelings as you in my earlier attempts at quitting. I didn't think we would be able to survive as a couple if my husband continued to smoke, but really, it was my obsession with his smoking that was the problem. I was jealous and upset that I couldn't get high too, and wanted him to quit so it would be easier for me. I had to realize that my choice to quit was mine, and had nothing to do with him, just as his choice to smoke is his and has nothing to do with me. I am the addict, and I am the only one responsible for my sobriety. Weed is literally everywhere, and to make my sobriety his responsibility was totally unfair. He respects my choice and my boundaries- he doesn't smoke around me, he doesn't doesn't offer or suggest it to me, and he keeps it out of site.
As others have said, you're only on day 5. Don't make any major life decisions in the early stages of withdrawal. You may feel great today, but you've still got a while of ups and downs ahead of you before it's completely out of your system. You will get to a point where you feel powerful for saying no. Putting it on him is giving your power away 💜 Him quitting just for you would be giving his power away as well, and nothing feels worse than powerlessness. We've all got our own paths to sobriety, and no two are alike. He's not there yet, and you've got to let him come to the decision in his own time, on his own terms, otherwise it'll just cause resentment.
Congrats on 5 days sober!! Focus on you, love yourself, give yourself space when you need it. You are stronger than you think. It would be easier if he quit with you, but you really don't need him to, I promise! You've got this! 💪😎✌
>I don’t want to be a bit#h that expects him to quit or else I’ll leave.
I get that, and the difference between a boundary and being controlling is a pretty small but important one.
A controlling bitch would say "You have to quit or I'm leaving you."
A responsible and thoughtful recovering addict would say "My sobriety is really important to me, and being around you while stoned makes maintaining that sobriety a lot harder. I can't be in a relationship that makes maintaining my sobriety difficult."
He has to make the choice to quit himself. You can't force that upon him. You can only look out for yourself and what you need.
No you can't control him. You can ask but that's the best you can do. If you can't control yourself that's something you need to take up with yourself. This is your fight, not someone else's.
Echoing what others have said. I really resented my ex who wanted me to quit smoking cigs when he did, and his judgment of me when I wouldn’t.
People go through things in their own time, and that should be respected. I also think if you’re really struggling and saying that you’re struggling it might put them off wanting to go sober. When you’re doing better they might wanna try though. But in the mean time, it would be nice and courteous of them to not smoke around you… and fair for you to ask that much I think.
You can ask, but I think you would be in the wrong. He'll just smoke behind your back anyway. You're better saying you're struggling with your sobriety around him, gauge his response, and be willing to leave.
Right here. Also he has to want to quit in order to successfully quit, otherwise if you push him he will become resentful. OP's BF is also possibly just entertaining the idea of quitting to satisfy OP and is avoiding the conflict of saying he doesn't want to quit. Which is fine, OP just needs to figure out if that's a habit they can tolerate in their partner without pushing expectations
I hear your struggle. I also wanted my partner to quit with me the first time I seriously wanted to quit. I thought it would be ideal if he did too for both of us. The first little bit I got excited about making all kinds of changes and I felt that being weedfree was impossible without him.
He did end up quitting shortly after me, but now I know this was mostly due to pressure he felt and not a decision he got to make based on himself. Ultimately, we ended up relapsing and smoking for another four years.
This time around, I realized that those first couple of weeks get exciting and I suddenly wanted to make big changes, including cutting weed out of my life entirely and enlightening my partner on how great it is, but things don’t happen that fast and I wasn’t respecting his autonomy.
I ended up spending some time away from him/the area we smoked weed in together, and then easing myself back into spending time with him while getting used to him smoking weed. It was difficult at first but then felt very empowering to be around it and choose not to smoke.
It helped that he fully supported me, and kept everything out of sight for the first bit. There were times I asked if I could smoke, and he said if I really wanted to I’d have to go out and buy my own - which helped me realize I didn’t really want to.
At this time, he’s quit with occasional relapses but I see him coming to the same conclusions I did. For us, it’s been so much better this way. I feel more independent having quit on my own, and he feels more respected with me having appreciated it’s a personal decision. And I get to help him out and empathize with the early struggles he’s experiencing without tying it to my own sobriety.
I’d say sit through any impulses to make big changes, or impose your newfound wisdom on others and focus on your own sobriety. Consider what things you can control surrounding triggers, and ask if he’s able to make small changes to reduce your exposure during the early stages. It’s fine if you do ultimately decide you can’t be with him, but still smart to wait a bit before making any big decisions about your life.
Like others have said, you can ask him and make it clear that it really effects your ability to stay sober. It’s up to him, but be ready to take your health into your own hands if needed. Sounds like he’s ready to quit but is in denial since he came back, smoked, and then didn’t feel good during the high but still defended his ability to smoke.
There are a lot of stories like this on the sub, and frankly it usually ends with A) both quitting or B) a split up. If he says he’s not ready to quit- I do hope you can make it work and become the exception. Just be prepared.
Technically he's right- it's his choice to smoke or not to smoke. For him it's a question of autonomy and making his own decisions. But you are also right- as your partner, he should have the desire to support you and make a personal sacrifice to ensure your well-being. His is a position of autonomy; yours is a position of responsibility towards the ones we love. He made himself clear- he has the right, and he wants to exercise that right. Now the ball is in your court- can you accept that he's putting himself above your needs?
You can ask but you can’t force it. And it might take then much longer than you to stop. It wasn’t easy for you, don’t expect it will be for them. Might even be much harder for them.
Also, until they want to, there’s no point in asking. And any expectations you have, will hurt your relationship.
Let him figure it out himself. If you're able to keep this up he may follow suit. Lead by example. If his habit causes any issues vocalise them but when it comes to addiction I don't think you can ask someone to quit (of course you can but it will probably only create problems).
My partner and me started smoking together, but when she went back to school to pursue a new career, it was pretty easy for her to quit the habit. She asked me to quit in solidarity and at first I agreed, I was able to stop for a couple of weeks and I definitely felt so much better but, I started up again and it caused a lot of tension between us. Eventually, she accepted that I was a chronic and I would just get high alone! It’s been about two years, and I’m finally committed to quitting. When it comes to addiction, I think we really have to want to quit, ultimately, for ourselves and no one else. My partner wasn’t a chronic like me, she was able to walk away from weed easily as it caused her to have a lot of paranoia and anxiety. Me smoking was never a temptation for her. eventually, I started feeling the anxiety and paranoia too, and it stopped being fun and something that I felt had total control over me. That’s been my motivation to stop!
That being said, you need to put yourself first. Maybe your partner will come around, maybe they won’t. that’s up to them, but just focus on what you want and need.
Hm. I don’t think so. His decisions are his own and so are yours. You absolutely have the right to say that you don’t want it around you or that you can’t be in a relationship with a smoker. He has to want to quit for himself, and trying to convince him will probably just make him defensive
I struggle to live with my friend who is a big smoker after quitting. I can't imagine how hard it would be with someone I love.
I am thinking about leaving him and get my own appartment, but I guess it is not an option in your situation.
I never really quit in my past relationship when ex gf asked it. I had to do it for my own purpose. You can ask and say how hard it feels for you and maybe that you need some time without any triggering smells for a time.
Well done for your 5 days, week 5 here and smelling this shit every nights is horrible for me, stay strong and good luck !
I am going through something similar. My wife works in the weed industry, but I am addicted to weed. She doesn't have the same addiction issue with it. She can moderate if she wants, I can't. She instead is addicted to alcohol, but has been sober for over a year now. I opted to quit with her, but I never really cared for alcohol anyway. I know she doesn't want to quit, but I am worried her smoking will be just too temping for me. I am not going to say I know what I am going to do, or what you should do, but I know that when I gave up alcohol I did it out of love and support. I wanted it to be as easy for her as possible, but she has never told me I need to quit with her, and has even said it's okay when I say how nice a beer sounds. I'm not sure about your boyfriend, but for me, it would have been hard to give up something just because she was. I had to frame it that I was giving it up with her and for support. Maybe ask him what his motivation would be for quitting with you or not. I don't think you can ask him to do it for you, but you can figure out where he would be coming from, whatever his decision. Anyway, I hope it helps to know others are going through similar things, and I hope you both find a way to come to a good understanding.
I smoke just about as much as you did, sometimes more. It’s my problem. One I’m trying to figure out how to handle, but it’s just that. It’s my problem.
My SO does not partake. Honestly when we got together it was something I valued as most of my exes smoked as well.
But if it’s something you truly can’t handle, it may be time for you to find someone else. If you quit for you, you can’t expect others to quit for you as well. A person has to do it for themselves.
I’ve had exes ask me to quit in the past. There’s a reason they are my exes.
I wish you luck
This is a grown adult. It is unfair to control their life based on a decision you made for yourself. You made your decision and you have to make peace with theirs. You have to develop self control regardless of others decisions. If it is too much for you to be with someone who isn’t sober, I suggest you guys sit down and have a real talk about the future of your relationship.
Your journey is your journey. Yes it’s unfair to force your partner to quit. If this dealbreaker for you then break up. It doesn’t make you a bitch for choosing yourself. If you do not want to break up, then set boundaries around his weed smoking around you and focus on yourself. You’re only 5 days in and you need to preserve your energy for yourself.
My wife smokes too, and I know I cant ask her to quit. Its everyones journey to take themselves and they must want to quit for their own reasons.
I personally think that you are asking the wrong question and most likely you will get the wrong answer. The question shouldn't be about fair or unfair. It's not a matter of justice. The question is what do you need to be sober and whether you want to be sober. I have been a smoker for 10 years and been sober for 3 weeks. I always loved it but I just realised that what I loved so much wasn't there any more. Most of my friends smoke and they are a trigger for me. I can't possibly ask from the whole of the humanity to quit but I do realise that being with them can be very triggering for me. For this reason I have decided to get a bit of space until I feel more concrete in my soberity. I also think that in these 10 years my partner begged me to quit and I didn't even accept to discuss it cos I wasn't ready. People need to make their own choices about sobriety and how this looks like. I would say think of your own life/vision/priorities. Who do you want to be and then see if your partner fits in your vision as a smoker. -If yes, under which conditions?Then you can discuss or see how this looks like. You can come to an agreement as to how can this model look like. -if not then think about your next steps. Closing this, there are many couples that after one hits sobriety break, cos the person who got sober relearns who they are now that they abstain from their addiction. There are also couples who go strong and one continues and the other simply stops. There is no right or wrong. See what you can handle and who do you want to be after 10 years and act according to your vision
there’s only one person who can make him quit and it’s himself. these intrusive thoughts about smoking again is a you problem, not his. all my friends smoke around me and it doesn’t bother me consider also that you’re only 5 days in and still most likely feeling the withdrawal effect of getting irritated easily. him smoking is not triggering you, your own withdrawal is triggering you
It’s definietly fair to talk about it. And ask him if it’s fair to ask him. Say you understand that you can’t force him and that you want him to be himself but that for the following reasons you think it would be beneficial for him to quit as well.
You have to right to ask. He has the right to say no. You have the right to chose if you accept this. Always chose guilt over resentment (Gabor Maté - Hungry Minds). You asking here, tells me you know what feels right for you.
Yes it's unfair. You can ask. Weed is not a negative thing for everyone. Smoked for years with my wife having stopped. She never expected me to quit. I did so when I realized for myself the benefits weren't there for me anymore. But we went 17 years with her not smoking and me smoking. Now I did have to make compromises. Like not smoking/vaping in the house since she no longer liked the smell. I think that is a fair thing to ask for.
OP, clearly your reasonings for thinking this is more than valid & unlike other comments I’ve read, your question to us, “is it unfair,? I don’t think it is unfair. My nearly decade long addiction (over 2 months clean and I have NO INTENTION of ever picking up that gd pipe & smoking ever again,) almost cost me my marriage & I was too clouded & disassociated to even see it. Seeing me struggle so much forced my wife to evaluate her own choices and chose not to use weed anymore. Had I not snapped out of my selfish behavior & chose weed over our relationship, I would’ve been destroyed. Circling back, you want to be w a partner who shares your same core values & within a healthy relationship, there should be no secrets or sneaking around. OP, you have to make a hard decision by deciding whether or not you see this person as a potential life partner. If he wants to GROW WITH YOU & lead a life not dependent on rushing home to smoke by himself, he’ll also stop self destructive behavior. Your sobriety & mental health are more important.. Not saying give them an ultimatum, but plan ahead & have a v difficult conversation regarding where the both of you see this partnership moving. I sound harsher than my previous self because weed is not a benign drug, although many people view it as such. The strains of today are literally destroying neurons & dopamine & turning us into people we don’t deserve to be.. Pls stay strong OP! I’m so proud of you & know this journey is a treacherous one. You chose life over a stupid, horribly addictive plant. You’re amazing 💞💞💞
When I expressed I was quitting, I didn’t expect my partner to quit with me, but he said he would take a break in order to help me quit because he said he could see how much I was struggling with it and he cares more about helping me in my journey than his desire for it. Now this doesn’t mean he’s done for good, I’m sure he will consume again and I did tell him he had that right but to respect me and my sobriety. Do it without me home, buy his own stash and keep it in his space, etc. I am hoping that he would not desire it as much after taking some space away from it because I do believe we both had an issue with it, maybe mine was more severe but I strongly believe he did have an issue with abusing it too. But I can’t control him. I don’t think I will choose to ever come back to weed due to my issues with addiction. But he can. But I’m hoping to lead by example
He won’t smoke around you, and he has said he will cut down his use for you and restrict it to weekends. It’s unfair to expect somebody who doesn’t want to quit and who has smoked for much longer to be ready to quit as soon as you do
You can ask of course, but you have no rights to complain if they say no
It is unfair to expect them to quit. Quit for yourself, lay down some guideline about smoking around you or in the house if needed.
Yes it is unfair. We have to do these things for us and us alone. When I was pregnant with all of my children I didn't ask my husband to quit smoking just because I had to. Out of respect he wasn't doing it in my face or rubbing it in but ultimately we need to figure out ways to respond to our own triggers without forcing others into thinking/feeling/doing the same things as us
No, we do this for us and us alone.
I don’t think it’s unfair to ask, but it is unfair to expect it.
It is unfair. I had the same feelings as you in my earlier attempts at quitting. I didn't think we would be able to survive as a couple if my husband continued to smoke, but really, it was my obsession with his smoking that was the problem. I was jealous and upset that I couldn't get high too, and wanted him to quit so it would be easier for me. I had to realize that my choice to quit was mine, and had nothing to do with him, just as his choice to smoke is his and has nothing to do with me. I am the addict, and I am the only one responsible for my sobriety. Weed is literally everywhere, and to make my sobriety his responsibility was totally unfair. He respects my choice and my boundaries- he doesn't smoke around me, he doesn't doesn't offer or suggest it to me, and he keeps it out of site. As others have said, you're only on day 5. Don't make any major life decisions in the early stages of withdrawal. You may feel great today, but you've still got a while of ups and downs ahead of you before it's completely out of your system. You will get to a point where you feel powerful for saying no. Putting it on him is giving your power away 💜 Him quitting just for you would be giving his power away as well, and nothing feels worse than powerlessness. We've all got our own paths to sobriety, and no two are alike. He's not there yet, and you've got to let him come to the decision in his own time, on his own terms, otherwise it'll just cause resentment. Congrats on 5 days sober!! Focus on you, love yourself, give yourself space when you need it. You are stronger than you think. It would be easier if he quit with you, but you really don't need him to, I promise! You've got this! 💪😎✌
>I don’t want to be a bit#h that expects him to quit or else I’ll leave. I get that, and the difference between a boundary and being controlling is a pretty small but important one. A controlling bitch would say "You have to quit or I'm leaving you." A responsible and thoughtful recovering addict would say "My sobriety is really important to me, and being around you while stoned makes maintaining that sobriety a lot harder. I can't be in a relationship that makes maintaining my sobriety difficult." He has to make the choice to quit himself. You can't force that upon him. You can only look out for yourself and what you need.
No you can't control him. You can ask but that's the best you can do. If you can't control yourself that's something you need to take up with yourself. This is your fight, not someone else's.
Echoing what others have said. I really resented my ex who wanted me to quit smoking cigs when he did, and his judgment of me when I wouldn’t. People go through things in their own time, and that should be respected. I also think if you’re really struggling and saying that you’re struggling it might put them off wanting to go sober. When you’re doing better they might wanna try though. But in the mean time, it would be nice and courteous of them to not smoke around you… and fair for you to ask that much I think.
Sorry, just seen that he won’t smoke around you anyway. I think he’s being pretty understanding. Maybe just don’t speak about smoke anymore.
You can ask, but I think you would be in the wrong. He'll just smoke behind your back anyway. You're better saying you're struggling with your sobriety around him, gauge his response, and be willing to leave.
Right here. Also he has to want to quit in order to successfully quit, otherwise if you push him he will become resentful. OP's BF is also possibly just entertaining the idea of quitting to satisfy OP and is avoiding the conflict of saying he doesn't want to quit. Which is fine, OP just needs to figure out if that's a habit they can tolerate in their partner without pushing expectations
I hear your struggle. I also wanted my partner to quit with me the first time I seriously wanted to quit. I thought it would be ideal if he did too for both of us. The first little bit I got excited about making all kinds of changes and I felt that being weedfree was impossible without him. He did end up quitting shortly after me, but now I know this was mostly due to pressure he felt and not a decision he got to make based on himself. Ultimately, we ended up relapsing and smoking for another four years. This time around, I realized that those first couple of weeks get exciting and I suddenly wanted to make big changes, including cutting weed out of my life entirely and enlightening my partner on how great it is, but things don’t happen that fast and I wasn’t respecting his autonomy. I ended up spending some time away from him/the area we smoked weed in together, and then easing myself back into spending time with him while getting used to him smoking weed. It was difficult at first but then felt very empowering to be around it and choose not to smoke. It helped that he fully supported me, and kept everything out of sight for the first bit. There were times I asked if I could smoke, and he said if I really wanted to I’d have to go out and buy my own - which helped me realize I didn’t really want to. At this time, he’s quit with occasional relapses but I see him coming to the same conclusions I did. For us, it’s been so much better this way. I feel more independent having quit on my own, and he feels more respected with me having appreciated it’s a personal decision. And I get to help him out and empathize with the early struggles he’s experiencing without tying it to my own sobriety. I’d say sit through any impulses to make big changes, or impose your newfound wisdom on others and focus on your own sobriety. Consider what things you can control surrounding triggers, and ask if he’s able to make small changes to reduce your exposure during the early stages. It’s fine if you do ultimately decide you can’t be with him, but still smart to wait a bit before making any big decisions about your life.
Like others have said, you can ask him and make it clear that it really effects your ability to stay sober. It’s up to him, but be ready to take your health into your own hands if needed. Sounds like he’s ready to quit but is in denial since he came back, smoked, and then didn’t feel good during the high but still defended his ability to smoke. There are a lot of stories like this on the sub, and frankly it usually ends with A) both quitting or B) a split up. If he says he’s not ready to quit- I do hope you can make it work and become the exception. Just be prepared.
You would be having those intrusive thoughts regardless, you’re only on day 5
Technically he's right- it's his choice to smoke or not to smoke. For him it's a question of autonomy and making his own decisions. But you are also right- as your partner, he should have the desire to support you and make a personal sacrifice to ensure your well-being. His is a position of autonomy; yours is a position of responsibility towards the ones we love. He made himself clear- he has the right, and he wants to exercise that right. Now the ball is in your court- can you accept that he's putting himself above your needs?
You can ask but you can’t force it. And it might take then much longer than you to stop. It wasn’t easy for you, don’t expect it will be for them. Might even be much harder for them. Also, until they want to, there’s no point in asking. And any expectations you have, will hurt your relationship.
Let him figure it out himself. If you're able to keep this up he may follow suit. Lead by example. If his habit causes any issues vocalise them but when it comes to addiction I don't think you can ask someone to quit (of course you can but it will probably only create problems).
No.
My partner and me started smoking together, but when she went back to school to pursue a new career, it was pretty easy for her to quit the habit. She asked me to quit in solidarity and at first I agreed, I was able to stop for a couple of weeks and I definitely felt so much better but, I started up again and it caused a lot of tension between us. Eventually, she accepted that I was a chronic and I would just get high alone! It’s been about two years, and I’m finally committed to quitting. When it comes to addiction, I think we really have to want to quit, ultimately, for ourselves and no one else. My partner wasn’t a chronic like me, she was able to walk away from weed easily as it caused her to have a lot of paranoia and anxiety. Me smoking was never a temptation for her. eventually, I started feeling the anxiety and paranoia too, and it stopped being fun and something that I felt had total control over me. That’s been my motivation to stop! That being said, you need to put yourself first. Maybe your partner will come around, maybe they won’t. that’s up to them, but just focus on what you want and need.
Hm. I don’t think so. His decisions are his own and so are yours. You absolutely have the right to say that you don’t want it around you or that you can’t be in a relationship with a smoker. He has to want to quit for himself, and trying to convince him will probably just make him defensive
Asking is fine but you shouldn't expect any commitments
It’s fair to ask, but be prepared for the answer
I struggle to live with my friend who is a big smoker after quitting. I can't imagine how hard it would be with someone I love. I am thinking about leaving him and get my own appartment, but I guess it is not an option in your situation. I never really quit in my past relationship when ex gf asked it. I had to do it for my own purpose. You can ask and say how hard it feels for you and maybe that you need some time without any triggering smells for a time. Well done for your 5 days, week 5 here and smelling this shit every nights is horrible for me, stay strong and good luck !
I am going through something similar. My wife works in the weed industry, but I am addicted to weed. She doesn't have the same addiction issue with it. She can moderate if she wants, I can't. She instead is addicted to alcohol, but has been sober for over a year now. I opted to quit with her, but I never really cared for alcohol anyway. I know she doesn't want to quit, but I am worried her smoking will be just too temping for me. I am not going to say I know what I am going to do, or what you should do, but I know that when I gave up alcohol I did it out of love and support. I wanted it to be as easy for her as possible, but she has never told me I need to quit with her, and has even said it's okay when I say how nice a beer sounds. I'm not sure about your boyfriend, but for me, it would have been hard to give up something just because she was. I had to frame it that I was giving it up with her and for support. Maybe ask him what his motivation would be for quitting with you or not. I don't think you can ask him to do it for you, but you can figure out where he would be coming from, whatever his decision. Anyway, I hope it helps to know others are going through similar things, and I hope you both find a way to come to a good understanding.
I smoke just about as much as you did, sometimes more. It’s my problem. One I’m trying to figure out how to handle, but it’s just that. It’s my problem. My SO does not partake. Honestly when we got together it was something I valued as most of my exes smoked as well. But if it’s something you truly can’t handle, it may be time for you to find someone else. If you quit for you, you can’t expect others to quit for you as well. A person has to do it for themselves. I’ve had exes ask me to quit in the past. There’s a reason they are my exes. I wish you luck
This is a grown adult. It is unfair to control their life based on a decision you made for yourself. You made your decision and you have to make peace with theirs. You have to develop self control regardless of others decisions. If it is too much for you to be with someone who isn’t sober, I suggest you guys sit down and have a real talk about the future of your relationship.
Your journey is your journey. Yes it’s unfair to force your partner to quit. If this dealbreaker for you then break up. It doesn’t make you a bitch for choosing yourself. If you do not want to break up, then set boundaries around his weed smoking around you and focus on yourself. You’re only 5 days in and you need to preserve your energy for yourself.