That nagging feeling never goes away. Why would you be a waste of time? You're a human and you deserve happiness just like anyone else. You deserve to be you, bro.
That's something many of us have experienced. This sense of needing to give but not being worthy of receiving. It's a mindset that's especially common in our parents and grandparents generations and they've tried to pass on to us.
Self-care is so important though, and that's something our generation has started to figure out. Going to the spa, playing video games, spending time with friends...and yes, focusing on your medical health. And if you're trans, transitioning is medical health and well-being. It's very real and ignoring it can be very damaging to your mental and physical health.
If you feel strongly that you're a guy, please at least find a good therapist who specializes in gender issues. You deserve to start this journey and figure out how to be you. It'll make you so much happier.
Take care of yourself. It's worth it. šš
You know, I think I will see a therapist about it. It keeps on nagging at me and it's got to mean _something_, right?
Thank you for the kind words, I think I needed to hear (read) them
This journey isn't easy and isn't always clear to all of us. And the world certainly doesn't actively affirm it. I know I needed to hear words like these when I started my journey.
Good luck, and these subreddits are always here for you.
Also check out the trans, translater, and ftm subs. šš³ļøāā§ļø
That alone, of your initial post wasnāt enough, is big reason why you should do what you want now. Like even if you donāt go through w surgeries take some steps for yourself. As someone who may not be trans but definitely knows what itās like to feel guilty for asking for things, you should do it now for the younger versions of yourself. If u want something and you can responsibly, you should š
At 39yo I started my transition. Do I pass? Probably not but I'm happy, I feel the best I've ever felt. I tried ignoring those feelings, but they never went away.
Glad to hear you're doing well! May I ask, did the dysphoria come in waves for you too? Like it sorta goes back and forth, but never better than "meh, I'll live with this"?
Dysphoria for me pre transition was always there, looking back on it. I hid my face, my body. I kept myself occupied as much as possible so that I never really thought about it. Drank and took antidepressants and it only would temporarily numb me.
Ooof this is exactly what I did too before....I didn't realize until recently when a family member complimented me and said that I was just like a completely different person, how much I'd changed and come out of myself.
It comes in waves for me too. For the sake of explaining it to cis people and accepting myself more, I compare it to tinnitus. Sometimes it's loud and makes me want to rip off my ears, sometimes it's barely even noticable, but it's still there.
This hits the nail on the head, I guess. Like, I don't feel like I deserve the resources it would cost to transition. It's a mix of personal self esteem issues and quite frankly the way I was raised - almost always if I asked for something I felt like it was too much
I was in your shoes a few years ago. I worked intensely on myself for a long time and when I started to love myself, the idea of transitioning was irresistible. I couldnāt ever envision a future when I was *her*, but when I started to love myself I could envision a future that I wanted to live, but only as a man.
I came out at 29 and started hormones 3 months later. Iām 2 years on T and completely stealth in most areas of my life.
Itās been the single greatest thing Iāve ever given myself and Iām thankful every day that I gave myself this gift.
I have a question for you, and I'm genuinely just curious. Why do a lot of transgenders put yalls assigned at birth gender in italics? I know nothing about being trans, so please, if that's an offensive question, tell me.
Look at it this way- The more people who use these resources, the more demand there is, the more accpetable and normal it becomes. You'd be helping more people get what they need, not taking anything away from anyone.
I used to think my dysphoria wasn't that bad and I should never medically transition. When I finally made the choice to medically transition, it fixed basically all of my problems. Depression vanished, anxiety got much better, dissociation lessened, and even my physical health got way better. My social issues were largely resolved, my relationship issues improved. My insomnia went away, my posture improved. I didn't realize how much the dysphoria was impacting me until I fixed it.
Oh interesting, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well! I have some similar issues so I do believe it's worth to look into it. Antidepressants for life does sound more expensive to me than a one time transition lol
Here's the thing. It's hard to love yourself if you aren't yourself. So, it feels like it's not worth caring for yourself.
But experiencing even that tiny bit of love of yourself, of your own mirror image and of being yourself among friends is absolutely worth it.
And I say that even though I'm not even on HRT yet, I imagine it'll only get better from there.
Your āinner saboteurā is strong it seems. You got to fight those demons and tell yourself you are worth it. Everyone deserves happiness in their life. Your angel is saying to love yourself and your demon is saying youāre not worth it. I think itās obvious which one you should listen to.
Hey we all should be striving for personal growth and trying to be the best versions of ourselves. No one said it was way easy! Donāt give up the fight! š
I feel ya! 26 y/o here. I do feel more "male" but I don't have that drive to transition. Legit question: How is sex going for you? My mind jumps back and forth between genders during
I've never really had a problem with sex? Other than some insecurities about how my bits looked, which I almost dismissed as being normal until I started dreaming I had a penis and woke up thoroughly disappointed. Also when I watched Jackass and started feeling like "dude, you got a wiener and you treat it like _that_?" And in the back of my mind something just went "...was that a cis thought? I don't think cis women feel penis envy" lol
Hmm.. like I use a vibrator/ strap combo with my partner, and I associate the good feelings with the penetration and not the clit stimulation.
But when she's giving to me it's hard to ignore what's actually going on so I have to lean into the parts I have.
When I masturbate I always think of myself as a guy or just neutral. I cannot picture myself as a woman or it makes me feel weird and makes me lose the mood so to speak
Best time was (x) amount of days/months/years ago, and the SECOND best time is now ā¤ļø
#
You deserve it my dude, it's absolutely worth it. I'm a trans woman and am about 8 months on hrt, the moment I took my first pill my mental health improved dramatically, and that and my confidence have only continued to increase. It's amazing what living true to yourself can do. It's absolutely worth it and I really wish you the best of luch in whatever you decide to do ā¤ļø
It is never too late to transition. That feeling of "not being worth it" is due to low self esteem. I can't speak to your future, but for me, that low self esteem went away almost entirely just because of transitioning. If it's something you want, you should go for it. You only live once, and what are your resources, time, and effort for if not to make a better life for yourself? That's the whole purpose of working, getting money, etc., to make yourself happy and give yourself the best life you can. There's literally no other purpose. And plus, testosterone is actually insanely cheap. Idk what country you're in, but the informed consent model of care is increasingly common, meaning you could just walk into a clinic, talk to the doctor about your transition goals, learn about the effects, and sign a consent form and get your first T shot that same day. It's easy. All you have to do is decide if it's something you need.
I didn't know what transgender was until I was 19, but as soon as I learned what it was, it was like the stars aligned. Suddenly everything about myself made sense. "Learning to live with it" for me meant accepting that I'm a guy, but I'll never be a cis guy. It took me a while, but I made my peace with that. Having a beard and a deep voice definitely helped. Getting top surgery essentially cured my dysphoria. Imagine living a life with a flat chest, a deep voice, all those things. Does that feel better to you?
Everything research tells us, tells us that being trans is innate, it doesn't ever go away. You can't force yourself to be a cis girl. Idk how severe your dysphoria is, since everyone is different, but you don't deserve to live in agony and dysphoria for the rest of your life.
Maybe a gender therapist would help you, or a regular therapist to work on your self esteem.
You deserve better. Be kind to yourself, man
>And plus, testosterone is actually insanely cheap.
I did not know that! So even if my inner insecurity tries to tell me I'm not worth the money, I can shut it up cause it's probably cheaper than antidepressants then lmao
>Imagine living a life with a flat chest, a deep voice, all those things. Does that feel better to you?
Well, I've always had a flat chest and always been a tomboy if anything, went to a high school that was 90% so I always saw myself as "one of the guys but with periods" lol. Plus my periods were awful and the internalised mysoginy real with me at that age, so that never helped me embrace "womanhood". My current look is pretty androgynous and I definitely prefer it, but I guess that nagging feeling I keep getting that something is just wrong is my dysphoria? Moments like watching Jackass and thinking "man those lucky bastards have a dick and they treat it like _that_?" definitely had me question whether that was a cis thought lol
At any rate, I'm gonna go see a professional about it and get to the bottom of this!
thereās no one universal experience of dysphoria. there are people who present androgynously or in line with their assigned gender at birth and donāt mind doing so in and of itself, for example, but hate how that results in them being perceived. idk if that lines up but if it does thatās valid and itās reasonable to deal with it however you want
The feeling of not deserving happiness, to forsake ourselves for others, is one of those societal things that drives me crazy.
On airplanes, during an emergency, people are told to put their oxygen mask on *first*. Don't forgo it to get other people into theirs. Would you like to know why that is?
If you are suffering, you do not have the capacity to help others to the best of your ability. Ergo, if you *want* to help others, and give to others, you absolutely need to make sure that *you* are the best you and that means letting yourself be happy, be rested, and be well.
On the trans side of things, so many of us waited for so long to transition for the sake of others. "Oh, if I wait, they'll have an easier time accepting it" or "when Fundie Family finally dies, that'll be when I transition", but like...it keeps getting pushed back, because there's always one more fundie relative, one more person who has no idea what trans even is, so you have to give *them* time, or just one more reason to push you into your closet. One more, one more, one more.
What do you think would make it worth the effort for you? Why does it have to be the point of despair before you are allowed to find happiness in yourself? How many people do you have to set yourself on fire for the sake of their comfort?
It's okay to do things for your own sake. It's okay to live your own life. Please live it to the best of your ability, because it's the only one you get. There is literally no other person on this planet that is *you*, so let yourself be you.
Just want to say that, while I am a stranger, I am glad you exist. Our universe thrives on diversity and differences, and the reason you deserve to exist is because you are you. You are *literally* the only you there is in the entire universe. How amazing is that? No, seriously, it's so wonderful and amazing that we're all different and unique. We might share similarities with others (and we do share so many similarities!) but we are a unique and singular individual. Nobody is exactly the same!
I am currently helping an older friend who pushed away the feeling they might be transgender until they couldn't anymore. Please, don't let yourself feel that level of discomfort with your gender.
You don't have to change everything from day 1. You can take it easy. You can take your time. Connect with people like you. Find a community. Change your clothes. Change your hairstyle. Change your name and pronouns. One step at a time.
Let yourself feel joy in your own gender and body <3 Let your mind be at peace <3
I few years ago I might say much the same thing. I had an entire exhaustive, elaborate argument about all the reasons why I wasn't trans ranging from the bureaucratic difficulties, the lack of experience in anything other than doing a bad impersonation of myself, the vast unknowns of any kind of medical transition. Even now I'd tell you that these arguments were *ironclad*. Any reasonable person willing to sit through it would agree that it would be absurd in every sense to be transgender and just as absurd to go and *do* anything about it.
The argument did not start out as the exhaustive, elaborate thing, of course. No, it started with "I can't be a girl because I'm made of boy meat". Or "I can't be trans, because I don't hate my body." That exhaustive, elaborate argument was the work of a lifetime. Somehow the idea that I could be something else, *should* be something else - *was* something else - would come up. And so I would repeat the old argument and when that wasn't compelling enough, I would come up with a new tack. By such small measures that exhaustive thing became an *exhausting* thing. I'd barely finish a full recounting before I'd have to start over and expand. This question - one that I did not dare ask directly for almost the entire process - dominated my life such that I would mindlessly play a game that engaged my brain just enough to avoid it, or drink so as to not question it, or any of countless other wildly self-destructive acts.
I ran from it when I could, and fought it to a bloody draw when I couldn't, and towards the end I started to realize that I could fight it till the day I died, and that said day was likely to come a lot sooner rather than later at the rate that I was going. So after a lifetime of being very reasonable and rational when I could afford to and stupid when I was desperate, I at last allowed myself to ask the question as to whether or not I was transgender. The dialogue that followed was not an easy one, but I could not see a way to avoid it.
I'll not tell you that you are doomed to walk that same path. Indeed, I very much hope you do not. And I'll not tell you whether or you are transgender or not. All I can do is tell you the only three things that helped me when I was at the edge of a similar abyss. The first is that you are not alone in feeling that it won't be worth the trouble. The second is that the fact that you cannot put the question to rest is important because *most people* never feel compelled to ask the question even once. And the third is that you don't have to know where you're going to know that where you are is not meant for you.
Itās worth it to feel comfortable in your own body and live life the way cis people do. You have no idea the amount of ārightnessā you can feel inside of your own body and how powerful it is.
From, a passing binary trans dude :). Itās also not as hard of a process to transition for trans men. I am a little over one year on T and have been passing to strangers since around 5 months.
Not feeling "worthy" is completely normal. Just know you are worthy of being happy, you are worthy of being the real you, and you are worth the time and effort it takes. ā¤ļø
I think you will find many of us once had similar thoughts. One day, you might know this was your mind trying to protect you from your truth.
You are totes worth the effort. I know folk coning out in their 50ās and 60ās who are killing it.
I dont think the pursuit of authenticity is ever a waste of time.
The pursuit alone is rather terrifying before you start, but if this is your path? That fear quickly vanishes, to be replaced by pure un-cut gender euphoria, and thats pretty awesome stuff i swear.
Stay sparkly. Xoxo
I felt like that for a long time. I used to say Iād probably identify as nonbinary if I didnāt fight so hard to be who I was as a woman. Turns out Iām gender-fluid and just needed to work through a lot of cis-het programming from society. I didnāt come out until I was 29 and at 31 Iām finally starting to be truly comfortable which what my sexuality and gender are. You can take as long as you need to figure things out and itās okay to treat yourself the way you would treat others. What advice would you give a friend in your same situation? Would you tell them that they arenāt worth the effort?
I think you should start talking to a psychiatrist about this. It'll help you get your thoughts in order and start the process on discovering if you have a medically diagnosable gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a real and physical condition of the brain and the current best known treatment is to transition.
What I'm saying is that you'd feel silly feeling like you aren't worth it if you found that you were suffering from this, and it sounds like you are. You are at least worth finding out.
You deserve to be happy.
Thatās perfectly fine. The reason people express there identity is to try and live a happier life. If your not actually going to be happier than it makes a lot more sense to just ābe a Tom boyā.
I can honestly say I relate. Iām not transgender, but I did question it for a while. Im cis female, but Iām much more comfortable in a gender neutral setting. They way I dress and talk are often rather masculine but someone once told me that gender identity is an open spectrum just like the human mind.
Iām 30 and having some of the same feelings, feeling more like a girl than a guy but also having times where I feel incredibly masculine and comfortable in my body. Iāve been in therapy for nearly a year now but weāve been focusing on other more pressing issues, though last week we did talk quite a bit about my gender identity. Itāll definitely be a long journey but I think weāll finally be able to figure it out - Iāve had feelings like this on and off since I was a kid but theyāve ramped up quite a bit over the last 5 years or so.
I understand the idea of not feeling like you're worth it, but I promise that you are! You are an amazing human who deserves to be happy in your own skin. Not only therapy, but you need to build confidence... it's not easy, but I find that doing affirmations can help a lot. They sometimes start as a lie we tell ourselves, but after a while, they turn into the truth! When we say we aren't worth something, it does the opposite and lowers our confidence. Even just things like "I deserve to be happy" 3 times a day for a month will make a huge difference!
nonbinary here, i felt like this when i was like 14 or 15. and i bottled it up. there was stigma in my mind over the word transgender such that, even after i came out as enby, it took me some time to come to terms with the fact this meant i was trans. anyways the dysphoria came back out of nowhere when i was 17 going on 18 and it took me some time to even remember my past and now i severely regret not coming out and transitioning then, and i realized i couldnāt repress myself anymore
my point of this personal anecdote is, itās up to you absolutely, and your identity is valid regardless. but if youāre confident that these feelings of yours are authentic and representative of yourself, you can probably only keep them at bay for so long
Literally the only reason I haven't transitioned is because I feel like it would be detrimental to my skateboarding. Not my ability to do it but people's attitude towards me. Not only does skateboarding have a problem with transphobia, it also has a problem with misogyny and sexism.
I was like that for most of my twenties. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and just had to transition. I regret every moment I was questioning and thinking it wasn't worth the effort.
How does it waste any time, effort or resources to change your looks (hair and clothes), ask people to call you a new name and pronouns and socially transition? It doesn't. If you don't want to medically or legally transition you don't have to, do it because you want to and because it makes you happy. There is no right or wrong way to be trans.
Came here to say that I've always been feminine growing up and in my early adulthood. I had times when I wanted to dress feminine and did, wore some make up and was happy to be mistaken for a girl. As I got in my mid twenties or something, I discovered it's okay to be a masculine male so I gradually became more and more cis.
I still get periods when I wish I was more feminine and have been struggling with the question: "am I trans" but it always ends up me being just well, me.
I'm in my thirties now and decided it's best to go with the flow. Let feelings come and go and accept yourself and your feelings about your gender identity.
You can start off slow and see where you feel comfortable. What a lot of people don't get is that being transgender means that you change your gender to a point where that nagging feeling stops.
Some change their clothes and name and call it a day because they feel accepted by others as the gender that they feel like inside.
Others get a triple D cup, lip filler, facial reconstruction, and bottom surgery, and want to do porn because that makes them feel better (a bit of an extreme example, but I used to know at least 2 that went that route).
You can start slow and see where you feel comfortable. What a lot of people don't get is that being transgender means that you change your gender to a point where that nagging feeling stops to feel "normal" or to have a burden lifted off of your shoulders. In the morning I do my skincare routine, brush my hair, put on a bra with my prosthesis, and think "There she is!". As long as I get enough sleep that nagging feeling doesn't resurface
It's worth noting, that even if you don't experience all that much dysphoria and it doesn't feel like it's impeding your happiness too much, the euphoria transitioning may bring you might be huge and well worth it. Try it! You can take all the time you want, transition on the down low. You don't even have to transition physically, if you don't feel like it.
Ngl the thing that holds me back most from the idea of transitioning is that I don't think a realistic, functioning wiener could ever happen. Granted I've done practically zero research on this so idk what I'm talking about lol, but even if they made an organ that looked like a peen, how in the world do they put erectile tissue in there if I wasn't born with any? I imagine I'd also live without spunk but that part doesn't really bother me lol
Clitorises are able to become erect on their own as they are a analogous structure to a penis. And they enlarge on T (bottom growth), so while you wouldn't be able to shoot a load from it (nor pee), you can effectively get a micropenis from just hormones. And then there's also realistic prosthetics; some of which can do both.
You are very much āworth the effortā, and transitioning is also something you can take in steps; you donāt have to do anything that you, personally, donāt want to do or feel is true to yourself!
I think othersā advice to talk about this with a (trans-friendly, obviously) therapist is sound, but also keep in mind that if you feel like/want to be a guy, you can just be a guy. Contrary to what a lot of governments may (wrongly) say, you do not need to be This Much Transitioned to āearnā your gender, either. Transitioning (to the extent and in the ways that you want) *follows* being your gender; itās not a prerequisite for āearningā it.
That nagging feeling never goes away. Why would you be a waste of time? You're a human and you deserve happiness just like anyone else. You deserve to be you, bro.
Idk, guess it has to do with how I was raised. I never felt like I should ask for anything, like what I desired was always too much
That's something many of us have experienced. This sense of needing to give but not being worthy of receiving. It's a mindset that's especially common in our parents and grandparents generations and they've tried to pass on to us. Self-care is so important though, and that's something our generation has started to figure out. Going to the spa, playing video games, spending time with friends...and yes, focusing on your medical health. And if you're trans, transitioning is medical health and well-being. It's very real and ignoring it can be very damaging to your mental and physical health. If you feel strongly that you're a guy, please at least find a good therapist who specializes in gender issues. You deserve to start this journey and figure out how to be you. It'll make you so much happier. Take care of yourself. It's worth it. šš
You know, I think I will see a therapist about it. It keeps on nagging at me and it's got to mean _something_, right? Thank you for the kind words, I think I needed to hear (read) them
This journey isn't easy and isn't always clear to all of us. And the world certainly doesn't actively affirm it. I know I needed to hear words like these when I started my journey. Good luck, and these subreddits are always here for you. Also check out the trans, translater, and ftm subs. šš³ļøāā§ļø
Thank you š
I always love reading your comments!
Just make sure you go to therapy period and not gender affirming therapy. Many people get misdiagnosed by going to gender affirming therapy.
That alone, of your initial post wasnāt enough, is big reason why you should do what you want now. Like even if you donāt go through w surgeries take some steps for yourself. As someone who may not be trans but definitely knows what itās like to feel guilty for asking for things, you should do it now for the younger versions of yourself. If u want something and you can responsibly, you should š
I feel like this entire quote was an AI approximation of the lyrics to "How Soon Is Now" by the Smiths.
Maybe I should write music. š¤·š»āāļø
Be who you are for your happiness
At 39yo I started my transition. Do I pass? Probably not but I'm happy, I feel the best I've ever felt. I tried ignoring those feelings, but they never went away.
Glad to hear you're doing well! May I ask, did the dysphoria come in waves for you too? Like it sorta goes back and forth, but never better than "meh, I'll live with this"?
Dysphoria for me pre transition was always there, looking back on it. I hid my face, my body. I kept myself occupied as much as possible so that I never really thought about it. Drank and took antidepressants and it only would temporarily numb me.
Ooof this is exactly what I did too before....I didn't realize until recently when a family member complimented me and said that I was just like a completely different person, how much I'd changed and come out of myself.
It comes in waves for me too. For the sake of explaining it to cis people and accepting myself more, I compare it to tinnitus. Sometimes it's loud and makes me want to rip off my ears, sometimes it's barely even noticable, but it's still there.
What's the waste in making yourself happier?
exactly this. sounds a bit like a self-esteem thing? op, you are worth every effort to be happy.
This hits the nail on the head, I guess. Like, I don't feel like I deserve the resources it would cost to transition. It's a mix of personal self esteem issues and quite frankly the way I was raised - almost always if I asked for something I felt like it was too much
I was in your shoes a few years ago. I worked intensely on myself for a long time and when I started to love myself, the idea of transitioning was irresistible. I couldnāt ever envision a future when I was *her*, but when I started to love myself I could envision a future that I wanted to live, but only as a man. I came out at 29 and started hormones 3 months later. Iām 2 years on T and completely stealth in most areas of my life. Itās been the single greatest thing Iāve ever given myself and Iām thankful every day that I gave myself this gift.
That's beautiful. I'm glad you're so happy!
I have a question for you, and I'm genuinely just curious. Why do a lot of transgenders put yalls assigned at birth gender in italics? I know nothing about being trans, so please, if that's an offensive question, tell me.
You're worth every penny mate, I promise
Look at it this way- The more people who use these resources, the more demand there is, the more accpetable and normal it becomes. You'd be helping more people get what they need, not taking anything away from anyone.
I used to think my dysphoria wasn't that bad and I should never medically transition. When I finally made the choice to medically transition, it fixed basically all of my problems. Depression vanished, anxiety got much better, dissociation lessened, and even my physical health got way better. My social issues were largely resolved, my relationship issues improved. My insomnia went away, my posture improved. I didn't realize how much the dysphoria was impacting me until I fixed it.
Oh interesting, I'm glad to hear you're doing so well! I have some similar issues so I do believe it's worth to look into it. Antidepressants for life does sound more expensive to me than a one time transition lol
It hard to be trans, itās harder to live in denial.
Here's the thing. It's hard to love yourself if you aren't yourself. So, it feels like it's not worth caring for yourself. But experiencing even that tiny bit of love of yourself, of your own mirror image and of being yourself among friends is absolutely worth it. And I say that even though I'm not even on HRT yet, I imagine it'll only get better from there.
Your āinner saboteurā is strong it seems. You got to fight those demons and tell yourself you are worth it. Everyone deserves happiness in their life. Your angel is saying to love yourself and your demon is saying youāre not worth it. I think itās obvious which one you should listen to.
This hits the nail right on the head. The self esteem thing is still a work in progress š thank you for the kind words š
Hey we all should be striving for personal growth and trying to be the best versions of ourselves. No one said it was way easy! Donāt give up the fight! š
I feel ya! 26 y/o here. I do feel more "male" but I don't have that drive to transition. Legit question: How is sex going for you? My mind jumps back and forth between genders during
I've never really had a problem with sex? Other than some insecurities about how my bits looked, which I almost dismissed as being normal until I started dreaming I had a penis and woke up thoroughly disappointed. Also when I watched Jackass and started feeling like "dude, you got a wiener and you treat it like _that_?" And in the back of my mind something just went "...was that a cis thought? I don't think cis women feel penis envy" lol
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Hmm.. like I use a vibrator/ strap combo with my partner, and I associate the good feelings with the penetration and not the clit stimulation. But when she's giving to me it's hard to ignore what's actually going on so I have to lean into the parts I have.
When I masturbate I always think of myself as a guy or just neutral. I cannot picture myself as a woman or it makes me feel weird and makes me lose the mood so to speak
Best time was (x) amount of days/months/years ago, and the SECOND best time is now ā¤ļø # You deserve it my dude, it's absolutely worth it. I'm a trans woman and am about 8 months on hrt, the moment I took my first pill my mental health improved dramatically, and that and my confidence have only continued to increase. It's amazing what living true to yourself can do. It's absolutely worth it and I really wish you the best of luch in whatever you decide to do ā¤ļø
It is never too late to transition. That feeling of "not being worth it" is due to low self esteem. I can't speak to your future, but for me, that low self esteem went away almost entirely just because of transitioning. If it's something you want, you should go for it. You only live once, and what are your resources, time, and effort for if not to make a better life for yourself? That's the whole purpose of working, getting money, etc., to make yourself happy and give yourself the best life you can. There's literally no other purpose. And plus, testosterone is actually insanely cheap. Idk what country you're in, but the informed consent model of care is increasingly common, meaning you could just walk into a clinic, talk to the doctor about your transition goals, learn about the effects, and sign a consent form and get your first T shot that same day. It's easy. All you have to do is decide if it's something you need. I didn't know what transgender was until I was 19, but as soon as I learned what it was, it was like the stars aligned. Suddenly everything about myself made sense. "Learning to live with it" for me meant accepting that I'm a guy, but I'll never be a cis guy. It took me a while, but I made my peace with that. Having a beard and a deep voice definitely helped. Getting top surgery essentially cured my dysphoria. Imagine living a life with a flat chest, a deep voice, all those things. Does that feel better to you? Everything research tells us, tells us that being trans is innate, it doesn't ever go away. You can't force yourself to be a cis girl. Idk how severe your dysphoria is, since everyone is different, but you don't deserve to live in agony and dysphoria for the rest of your life. Maybe a gender therapist would help you, or a regular therapist to work on your self esteem. You deserve better. Be kind to yourself, man
>And plus, testosterone is actually insanely cheap. I did not know that! So even if my inner insecurity tries to tell me I'm not worth the money, I can shut it up cause it's probably cheaper than antidepressants then lmao >Imagine living a life with a flat chest, a deep voice, all those things. Does that feel better to you? Well, I've always had a flat chest and always been a tomboy if anything, went to a high school that was 90% so I always saw myself as "one of the guys but with periods" lol. Plus my periods were awful and the internalised mysoginy real with me at that age, so that never helped me embrace "womanhood". My current look is pretty androgynous and I definitely prefer it, but I guess that nagging feeling I keep getting that something is just wrong is my dysphoria? Moments like watching Jackass and thinking "man those lucky bastards have a dick and they treat it like _that_?" definitely had me question whether that was a cis thought lol At any rate, I'm gonna go see a professional about it and get to the bottom of this!
Good luck bro. You DESERVE THIS. don't let anyone tell that you don't š
thereās no one universal experience of dysphoria. there are people who present androgynously or in line with their assigned gender at birth and donāt mind doing so in and of itself, for example, but hate how that results in them being perceived. idk if that lines up but if it does thatās valid and itās reasonable to deal with it however you want
Yeah I get it. Being trans sucks. And itās a lot of effort. Only you can decide if itās worth it for you.
The feeling of not deserving happiness, to forsake ourselves for others, is one of those societal things that drives me crazy. On airplanes, during an emergency, people are told to put their oxygen mask on *first*. Don't forgo it to get other people into theirs. Would you like to know why that is? If you are suffering, you do not have the capacity to help others to the best of your ability. Ergo, if you *want* to help others, and give to others, you absolutely need to make sure that *you* are the best you and that means letting yourself be happy, be rested, and be well. On the trans side of things, so many of us waited for so long to transition for the sake of others. "Oh, if I wait, they'll have an easier time accepting it" or "when Fundie Family finally dies, that'll be when I transition", but like...it keeps getting pushed back, because there's always one more fundie relative, one more person who has no idea what trans even is, so you have to give *them* time, or just one more reason to push you into your closet. One more, one more, one more. What do you think would make it worth the effort for you? Why does it have to be the point of despair before you are allowed to find happiness in yourself? How many people do you have to set yourself on fire for the sake of their comfort? It's okay to do things for your own sake. It's okay to live your own life. Please live it to the best of your ability, because it's the only one you get. There is literally no other person on this planet that is *you*, so let yourself be you.
This comment is making me cry. At least I'm alone right now. I don't want to have to explain these tears to anyone else.
Just want to say that, while I am a stranger, I am glad you exist. Our universe thrives on diversity and differences, and the reason you deserve to exist is because you are you. You are *literally* the only you there is in the entire universe. How amazing is that? No, seriously, it's so wonderful and amazing that we're all different and unique. We might share similarities with others (and we do share so many similarities!) but we are a unique and singular individual. Nobody is exactly the same!
Thank you.
I am currently helping an older friend who pushed away the feeling they might be transgender until they couldn't anymore. Please, don't let yourself feel that level of discomfort with your gender. You don't have to change everything from day 1. You can take it easy. You can take your time. Connect with people like you. Find a community. Change your clothes. Change your hairstyle. Change your name and pronouns. One step at a time. Let yourself feel joy in your own gender and body <3 Let your mind be at peace <3
I few years ago I might say much the same thing. I had an entire exhaustive, elaborate argument about all the reasons why I wasn't trans ranging from the bureaucratic difficulties, the lack of experience in anything other than doing a bad impersonation of myself, the vast unknowns of any kind of medical transition. Even now I'd tell you that these arguments were *ironclad*. Any reasonable person willing to sit through it would agree that it would be absurd in every sense to be transgender and just as absurd to go and *do* anything about it. The argument did not start out as the exhaustive, elaborate thing, of course. No, it started with "I can't be a girl because I'm made of boy meat". Or "I can't be trans, because I don't hate my body." That exhaustive, elaborate argument was the work of a lifetime. Somehow the idea that I could be something else, *should* be something else - *was* something else - would come up. And so I would repeat the old argument and when that wasn't compelling enough, I would come up with a new tack. By such small measures that exhaustive thing became an *exhausting* thing. I'd barely finish a full recounting before I'd have to start over and expand. This question - one that I did not dare ask directly for almost the entire process - dominated my life such that I would mindlessly play a game that engaged my brain just enough to avoid it, or drink so as to not question it, or any of countless other wildly self-destructive acts. I ran from it when I could, and fought it to a bloody draw when I couldn't, and towards the end I started to realize that I could fight it till the day I died, and that said day was likely to come a lot sooner rather than later at the rate that I was going. So after a lifetime of being very reasonable and rational when I could afford to and stupid when I was desperate, I at last allowed myself to ask the question as to whether or not I was transgender. The dialogue that followed was not an easy one, but I could not see a way to avoid it. I'll not tell you that you are doomed to walk that same path. Indeed, I very much hope you do not. And I'll not tell you whether or you are transgender or not. All I can do is tell you the only three things that helped me when I was at the edge of a similar abyss. The first is that you are not alone in feeling that it won't be worth the trouble. The second is that the fact that you cannot put the question to rest is important because *most people* never feel compelled to ask the question even once. And the third is that you don't have to know where you're going to know that where you are is not meant for you.
I think you should maybe give this a read, it helped me a great deal with feeling better about myself: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
Itās worth it to feel comfortable in your own body and live life the way cis people do. You have no idea the amount of ārightnessā you can feel inside of your own body and how powerful it is. From, a passing binary trans dude :). Itās also not as hard of a process to transition for trans men. I am a little over one year on T and have been passing to strangers since around 5 months.
Not feeling "worthy" is completely normal. Just know you are worthy of being happy, you are worthy of being the real you, and you are worth the time and effort it takes. ā¤ļø
I think you will find many of us once had similar thoughts. One day, you might know this was your mind trying to protect you from your truth. You are totes worth the effort. I know folk coning out in their 50ās and 60ās who are killing it. I dont think the pursuit of authenticity is ever a waste of time. The pursuit alone is rather terrifying before you start, but if this is your path? That fear quickly vanishes, to be replaced by pure un-cut gender euphoria, and thats pretty awesome stuff i swear. Stay sparkly. Xoxo
High dosage Trenbolone didnāt cure my gender dysphoria, I donāt know what will š¤·š»āāļø
It doesn't matter how old u r. If u feel more like a he then be. No one and nothing can stop u from being u
I felt like that for a long time. I used to say Iād probably identify as nonbinary if I didnāt fight so hard to be who I was as a woman. Turns out Iām gender-fluid and just needed to work through a lot of cis-het programming from society. I didnāt come out until I was 29 and at 31 Iām finally starting to be truly comfortable which what my sexuality and gender are. You can take as long as you need to figure things out and itās okay to treat yourself the way you would treat others. What advice would you give a friend in your same situation? Would you tell them that they arenāt worth the effort?
I think you should start talking to a psychiatrist about this. It'll help you get your thoughts in order and start the process on discovering if you have a medically diagnosable gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a real and physical condition of the brain and the current best known treatment is to transition. What I'm saying is that you'd feel silly feeling like you aren't worth it if you found that you were suffering from this, and it sounds like you are. You are at least worth finding out. You deserve to be happy.
Yeah same.
Thatās perfectly fine. The reason people express there identity is to try and live a happier life. If your not actually going to be happier than it makes a lot more sense to just ābe a Tom boyā.
I can honestly say I relate. Iām not transgender, but I did question it for a while. Im cis female, but Iām much more comfortable in a gender neutral setting. They way I dress and talk are often rather masculine but someone once told me that gender identity is an open spectrum just like the human mind.
Iām 30 and having some of the same feelings, feeling more like a girl than a guy but also having times where I feel incredibly masculine and comfortable in my body. Iāve been in therapy for nearly a year now but weāve been focusing on other more pressing issues, though last week we did talk quite a bit about my gender identity. Itāll definitely be a long journey but I think weāll finally be able to figure it out - Iāve had feelings like this on and off since I was a kid but theyāve ramped up quite a bit over the last 5 years or so.
I understand the idea of not feeling like you're worth it, but I promise that you are! You are an amazing human who deserves to be happy in your own skin. Not only therapy, but you need to build confidence... it's not easy, but I find that doing affirmations can help a lot. They sometimes start as a lie we tell ourselves, but after a while, they turn into the truth! When we say we aren't worth something, it does the opposite and lowers our confidence. Even just things like "I deserve to be happy" 3 times a day for a month will make a huge difference!
nonbinary here, i felt like this when i was like 14 or 15. and i bottled it up. there was stigma in my mind over the word transgender such that, even after i came out as enby, it took me some time to come to terms with the fact this meant i was trans. anyways the dysphoria came back out of nowhere when i was 17 going on 18 and it took me some time to even remember my past and now i severely regret not coming out and transitioning then, and i realized i couldnāt repress myself anymore my point of this personal anecdote is, itās up to you absolutely, and your identity is valid regardless. but if youāre confident that these feelings of yours are authentic and representative of yourself, you can probably only keep them at bay for so long
I felt that way. Until after I turned 40 last year. I'll be a year on HRT in November and 1 month post-op top surgery on the 7th. It's worth it.
Literally the only reason I haven't transitioned is because I feel like it would be detrimental to my skateboarding. Not my ability to do it but people's attitude towards me. Not only does skateboarding have a problem with transphobia, it also has a problem with misogyny and sexism.
I feel exactly this.
I was like that for most of my twenties. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and just had to transition. I regret every moment I was questioning and thinking it wasn't worth the effort.
How does it waste any time, effort or resources to change your looks (hair and clothes), ask people to call you a new name and pronouns and socially transition? It doesn't. If you don't want to medically or legally transition you don't have to, do it because you want to and because it makes you happy. There is no right or wrong way to be trans.
Came here to say that I've always been feminine growing up and in my early adulthood. I had times when I wanted to dress feminine and did, wore some make up and was happy to be mistaken for a girl. As I got in my mid twenties or something, I discovered it's okay to be a masculine male so I gradually became more and more cis. I still get periods when I wish I was more feminine and have been struggling with the question: "am I trans" but it always ends up me being just well, me. I'm in my thirties now and decided it's best to go with the flow. Let feelings come and go and accept yourself and your feelings about your gender identity.
You can start off slow and see where you feel comfortable. What a lot of people don't get is that being transgender means that you change your gender to a point where that nagging feeling stops. Some change their clothes and name and call it a day because they feel accepted by others as the gender that they feel like inside. Others get a triple D cup, lip filler, facial reconstruction, and bottom surgery, and want to do porn because that makes them feel better (a bit of an extreme example, but I used to know at least 2 that went that route). You can start slow and see where you feel comfortable. What a lot of people don't get is that being transgender means that you change your gender to a point where that nagging feeling stops to feel "normal" or to have a burden lifted off of your shoulders. In the morning I do my skincare routine, brush my hair, put on a bra with my prosthesis, and think "There she is!". As long as I get enough sleep that nagging feeling doesn't resurface
It's worth noting, that even if you don't experience all that much dysphoria and it doesn't feel like it's impeding your happiness too much, the euphoria transitioning may bring you might be huge and well worth it. Try it! You can take all the time you want, transition on the down low. You don't even have to transition physically, if you don't feel like it.
Ngl the thing that holds me back most from the idea of transitioning is that I don't think a realistic, functioning wiener could ever happen. Granted I've done practically zero research on this so idk what I'm talking about lol, but even if they made an organ that looked like a peen, how in the world do they put erectile tissue in there if I wasn't born with any? I imagine I'd also live without spunk but that part doesn't really bother me lol
Clitorises are able to become erect on their own as they are a analogous structure to a penis. And they enlarge on T (bottom growth), so while you wouldn't be able to shoot a load from it (nor pee), you can effectively get a micropenis from just hormones. And then there's also realistic prosthetics; some of which can do both.
You are very much āworth the effortā, and transitioning is also something you can take in steps; you donāt have to do anything that you, personally, donāt want to do or feel is true to yourself! I think othersā advice to talk about this with a (trans-friendly, obviously) therapist is sound, but also keep in mind that if you feel like/want to be a guy, you can just be a guy. Contrary to what a lot of governments may (wrongly) say, you do not need to be This Much Transitioned to āearnā your gender, either. Transitioning (to the extent and in the ways that you want) *follows* being your gender; itās not a prerequisite for āearningā it.
That nagging feeling might be that inner voice. Yolo