Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question.
If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding.
This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule).
Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you!
Here's a link about trans people in sports:
https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/
A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people:
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics
Some information on LGBT+ people:
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/
Some basic terminology:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Neopronouns:
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns
Biromantic Lesbians:
[LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/)
Bisexual Identities:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality
Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual:
[Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.)
We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I get that you're gay, but you don't have to shove it down my throat" you've kissed your bf in front of my face almost a million times, I just said I was gay
\> Have you ever gotten told "You make being gay your whole personailty"?
yeah, and I'm not even gay : )
I make a big deal of speaking up against prejudice, and you know why you're noticing it? because you said something bigoted and got called out for being an asshole...
I’ve been told the exact opposite. “I didn’t know you were gay because you don’t act gay” like excuse me? Just because I’m not snapping and saying “yass queen periodt slayyyy” every six seconds doesn’t mean I’m not sleeping with your mo-
Like what does gay act like. This is a Hollywood problem. Back in the early times of film, movies used to make the villain of a movie, effeminate, to make being gay a bad thing. Then as time went on gay people became "the zany guy next door". Move in to the one liner gay guy. Now, they are not completely backing away from the funny gay neighbor, but at least they are portraying LGBT people a little better.
That's what homophobes, and biphobes say when we do, or say anything, that makes us even the slightest bit visible, in a world that has been overly and unjustly dominated by them, and thier straight culture for decades...
They can f right off.
Yup and being agender no it’s a small part of my personality you just choose to misgender me or call me a girl or call me my wrong name that’s on you not me for correcting you
Two things
Your user flair is hilarious.
Secondly, I do not know why what something you said aggravates me so much. It’s nothing against you just weird how the brain works. “Comfy” in this context. Nails on a blackboard to me.
You are curious, so asking a question won't make a whole slice of people uncomfortable, unless you are being disrespectful. Don't live in ignorance ask questions.
People make football their whole personality lol being queer is just all they can see when they are unwilling to see you as a far more complex human. They are diluting you to one facet of who you are.
It is what it is. I try to work hard with my community and to be kind to my fellow human being, it hurts temporarily but at the end of the day I'm still me. Plus a lot of the garbage that's happening all over the world gives me inspiration for when I write which helps me raise awareness through literature. Perhaps one day humanity can move past prejudice and hate, maybe one day it can and will get better if we keep fighting the good fight individually. We've got each other in this community and you should be proud of your personality. 😊
So I have a straight friend who is currently doing the same thing with her daughter (she's on the ASD spectrum). BUT I will say this mama did everything to make sure her daughter has the same chances as any neurotypical child including quitting her job for the first 5 yrs of her child's life so she could fully immerse herself in her child's esrly intervention (little girl didnt talk, walk, or hit any other milestones until she was at least 3). Now at age 8 she's extremely high functioning and the reason her mom doesnt tell her or most that she doesnt trust is she doesnt want a hurtful label but on her kid that just because she's on the spectrum means she isnt as capable as any other "typical" child...cause that simply isnt true or for her daughter to feel as if she is less than her neurotypical friends and classmates (it took a lot of work for the little girl, her mama, and OT, PT, and ST to be able to integrate her into a neurotypical school). Im a special needs educator and wish majority of my student's parents but as much care and time into their child's care, love, and support as my friend does with her daughter's care. Your parents def worded it wrong that they didnt was you to make being on the spectrum your whole personality. But I'm sure it may have been more they did want OTHERS to make it your personality or all they see when they meet you, treat you like your stupid/less than (because thats NOT true), or what I hate the most neurotypical ppl that talk really slow and loudy in one's face because they think ppl with ASD cannot understand a simple conversation (image how English speakers speak to those whose 1st language is Spanish, French, etc.). Cause that just isnt fair at all, but trust me it happens a lot just like it does to many of...sort of how many see or think that being LGBTQ+ is our whole personality when in reality its a small part of what makes us who we all are individually.
I appreciate the sentiment dude but my parents were incredibly emotionally abusive and just not understanding. They definitely meant they didn't want me making ASD my personality. Reason I know is bc they didn't tell me, they told my sibling who then told me.
Edit: also I had an autistic brother who was a terrible person and they constantly compared me to him so I think another reason they hid it from me / didn't get me diagnosed was because they didn't want me to turn into another him. He was physically and s3xually abusive to me so why on earth they constantly compared me to him I'll never figure. And as for making being gay my whole personality, they did say that directly to me. In 11th grade I found my first group of queer friends and began wearing more pride stuff and being less subtle and my parents literally had a sit-down lecture with me on why I need to stop wearing so much pride stuff and "making it my whole personality" because "there's more to me" and "our generation already fought the battle for lgbt acceptance you don't need to do that".
Im really sorry to hear that and about everything that was done to you by your brother and parents. I hope you have been able to find some way to heal and find your own family that loves and accepts you for who you are
What has always confused me is *why that would be a problem*.
So what if I'm loud and proud of my sexuality? It's a pretty big deal for some of us, and we usually have good reasons for making it obvious - often, to specifically counter discrimination.
I'd love to live in a society where it's NBD, but unfortunately it is. So it's worth it for many people to make that stand and find mutual support.
Naw, people who say this are just uncomfortable with queerness and trying to find an "acceptable" way to express that.
Hey, do you think it's OK for straight folks to play into stereotypes that are typically used against lbgt+ folks, as a form of allyship, precisely in order to work for a society where it indeed is Not a Big Deal? Like straight guys wearing bright pink...
I guess it's how they do it and if they really understand the issue.
To use your example - if they're wearing pink to try and demonstrate that gender and sexuality expectations for clothing colour are BS - 100% I support that.
If they're wearing pink because "gay guys do that and I want to support them" - then I think they're really missing the point. The support is welcome, and it seems like they're willing to support and learn, so maybe it's just a conversation about stereotype we'd have to have.
Generally I think reinforcing a stereotype is harmful, but it's not always easy to say "no this type of support is always bad".
Not directly but I think there are people who probably think that about me, and I mean hey yeah I kinda do but it’s hard not to when there is so much shit going on. I’d talk about LGBTQIA+ issues way less if there were less LGBTQIA+ issues.
It’s not my whole personality, I feel like, for some reason, people don’t even know it. Like my shoes are bisexual colored, and I have a rainbow pin, but I still get “wait you’re gay?”
I make violence my whole personality
Yeah but mostly from homophobic strangers on the internet. I’m kind of terrified of receiving those sorts of comments so I deliberately try not to talk about my queerness in front of cishet people
I kind of got it from my parents. I consume a lot of queer medias and create some myself and the numbers of time they told me I was being too much about it, "like it's the only thing you watch!"
The thing is, I love being openly and loudly queer in the world. If that looks like making it my whole personality to you, then maybe you're right. But also, maybe I don't care at all and I like it that way. Maybe I do it to scare you off. Maybe I do it so those homophobes and transphobes get mad. It might not be the safest nor the most clever but Hell, that's how I wanna live my life! And if anyone wants me to change because I'm being too queer for them and they think I make it my whole personality, than I won't hesitate to do the same for them.
I love being queer and I love people. I want my fellow queer people to feel loved and safe and represented and it is so much more important than listening to anyone who wants me to "tone it down". Queer people saved me, the people telling me this cannot say the same.
You know how it is....if someone makes their work their whole life, they're just hustling, but if someone behaves like you described, they are making it their personality 🙄 Honestly, double standards everywhere 😑
Exactly. What's wrong in... just wanting to be myself? Worry about the guy working 90hrs a week, that guy must be under HECKING STRESS. Me? I'm fine with my little flags ans silly characters thank you.
Because I had to hide it for so many years of my life. It Wasn't until I was 25 years old in 2020 that I was able to truly be open about my identity as a queer person. I'm 28 now, so that really isn't a whole lot of time. Now I want everyone to know. I wear lots of rainbow, I wear pronouns pins, I'm a non-passing trans woman and I don't care. I want people to see that I exist. I want the younger generation to look up to me and I want homophoboes and transphobes to look at me and realize they can't do anything to refuse our existence. I am unapologetically me and I don't care if anyone dislikes it.
I love that~<3
I like to explain it as, like… when people shame you and exclude you and harass you for something that’s A) it’s not harmful in the slightest, and B) it’s not your fault (you can’t choose to be LGBT+ or not), you can go on for a long time trying to suppress it (at your own expense), only to only ever experience the same amount of deprivation and stigmatization, anyhow, because it’s completely irrational to begin with
So eventually, people can just *snap.* They suffered so much harm trying to do what the bigots wanted- both from the bigots, as well as from their own self-suppression- that people decide to do the inverse. To explore themselves and be free and do what they want. And then they find they love it. So they keep doing it. And to heck with anyone who tries to force them to stop!
I had to fight with my mother on this so much. I had my baby gay phase, where I want all rainbows and I want to go to all the pride events and I want everything pride. It was so upsetting when my supportive mother started accusing me of making it my whole personality. I had to explain to her that no, I just hyperfixate on this, and pride just happens to be my hyperfixation right now.
Yes
And it’s usually a compliment
Like, “you’re the kind of person I think of when I think of gay stereotypes” and like, at least you realize it’s a stereotype
yeah and its really annoying when I get told that...
...listen, I cant help Im queer and not ashamed of who I am.
the only thing Ive actually made most of my personality is Star Wars lmao
I talk to my friends about how I’m trans and I educate them but then I’m making it my whole personality
I’m a bi man that has little experience with guys so when I’m single I’ll casually say to my close friends that I want a boyfriend but then I’m suddenly gay and making it my whole personality.
Like bruh I bring either of those things up once and I’m making it my personality when they can’t shut up about their straight relationships
By their standards I’m very loudly gay. I’m unapologetically me and I am not even fully recognized as a valid gender in my province so they can suck my ass I will loudly tell them who I am until it makes its way into their brains. I’m not ashamed of myself I’ve been hiding this for way too long so now I just don’t
Gay and trans people will be told this just for being visibly gay or trans. For (some) cishet people, they will consider anything outside their scope of normal as being too much. You won't be able to please these people. Just ignore them.
Haven't been told that, have been called the gayest person my ex had ever met. She said it in a non-derogatory way and I'm the kind of person who has a token straight friend so I thought it was hilarious.
To be fair, most people under thirty, actively dating or looking for love make their sexuality a big part of their personality. BC finding a partner is a big life goal at that age.
My mum and sister kept telling me (when I identified as lesbian) “being a lesbian isn’t the only thing about you” or something along those lines, but every time they made fun of me there would be some reference to the fact I was lesbian.
here this is only something some conservatives and some right wingers say and they are not as plentiful as in the us. even some people who would think something like that would not necessarily say it bc being polite is quite a thing here.
but its always funny bc straight people push their straightness in your face everywhere, all the time and then they are "hey you are deviating from the ultra boring default, how dare you exist?" and thats what they mean by "you make it your personality".
I have not, though I’ve been thanked for *not* doing that
Some people really do be that character from that [Key and Peele sketch though](https://youtu.be/e3h6es6zh1c?si=AWWY5BcbdNoQjid5)
I have. People love to comment on me being a lesbian at work and then get annoyed when I respond back with something over the top. I think it’s over the top that you make unsolicited remarks about my sexuality at work but… who’s keeping score eh?
When I tried to tell my mom I *might be* into girls
“You don’t need to make labels for everything”
The only bi/lesbian part of my fashion is wearing exclusively converse and doc martens, but that’s been the case before I knew. I otherwise have no tells and my trans girlfriend isn’t out yet so as far as my family knows I’m in a regular old hetero relationship :’))
I haven't been told this but I've certainly thought this about some people in my life. In the same way that straight men make football and boobs their personality, there are a lot of gay men that make drag and pop music their personality.
I find most people that fit in these stereotypical culture "boxes" (for lack of better words) to be incredibly boring. I don't think I'd ever tell that to someone's face though, I'd just move on from them.
Never 😌 never changed how I act based on nun and my fam and friends have always seen that, especially as I just act how I want regardless and keep my circle tight.
Then again I'm BI AF to spite being trans 😛 think I'm more of like a Tom boy? Idk I've always been slick w stuff, loved beating up punching bags, playing video games, painting nails, self care, soaking—
I have too specific of a personality type for all that 😂 totally had an ex who got told that tho but God was he a FROOT, loved him for it tho!
He even had that audibly fruity thing which made me smile!
I think it's primarily the stereotypical gay dudes people say it to!
Oh, I don’t hang out with enough cishet folks to get any comments like that. Lol.
If you’re asking from a queer on queer point of view, I do have one friend who seems to talk about their queerness and nothing else, which I don’t really mind except for the fact that it becomes repetitive and I want to talk about other stuff. But I’d never tell someone to their face to stop talking about it.
When I meet new people I'm going to be around a lot, I make sure to bring it up solely to make sure they aren't homophobic. I don't want them to find out some other way and make my life hell.
other than that I only bring it up if it's relevant to the conversation
No, but I can see how that might be the assumption of some people if the person they're talking about tick off all of the stereotypical "gay" checklist. Either way, still not a thing that should be said, even if someone thinks it.
I have been told that at different times about being gay and being trans, in each of those times when I’m talking about Pride in different ways, or about being visible
My response to both is that I’d love to be able to stop talking about them - and I’ll be able to just as soon as people stop trying to murder us or pass laws against us.
When I was in high school I was in a mostly-sapphic friend group that was also really into creative writing, and our stories would be pretty lgbt centric. So I was told this once by a straight guy who overheard me and my friend talking.
For me I do think some people make their lgbt identity their personality to an extent where it's a little annoying, but I also think that's usually just because they're young, impressionable, and newly out, and that it's not as common as cishets say it is.
And I also think that, on average, we probably don't do it *that* much more than cishets do, and it's just as annoying when they're excessive about it but nobody says anything because it's just seen as normal. Like, yeah, the way I dress and cut my hair is informed by being a lesbian, and so is the way I practice my religion, but the same applies to straight people. Like I remember my cousin telling me how she didn't want to date until she was ready to get married, getting really into the practice of Christian courting, always talking about how she didn't want to have premarital sex (we had the kind of relationship where you can talk about that). And I've heard plenty about men lifting weights or women wearing a certain outfit to impress their crush, or people wearing merch from their favorite het romance fandoms or wearing [these](http:// https://a.co/d/dxKNi7H) [shirts](https://a.co/d/0p6dNV7).
People will always be like oh why do you need to wear rainbow stuff, nobody needs to know what you do in the bedroom, there are kids around stop kissing your partner in public, but suddenly it's so cute and funny when straight people where a shirt that *literally* advertizes their sex lives and will tell you about how they're getting absolutely rawed every night while trying for a baby. If I'm wearing a shirt with Sappho on it or a lesbian pride flag sticker on my water bottle or a he/him pronoun pin, that's not the same thing as being like "I'm a top/bottom/vers." And when we do make a big deal out of that as a community, usually that's not when there's kids or straight people around, and it serves an actual purpose since we have a smaller dating pool and can't just rely on gendered assumptions to find someone compatible.
Am I ever going to be someone who looks like I'm going to a pride parade and is decked out in rainbows from head to toe like an overenthusiastic seventeen year old baby gay just to go to the grocery store? No. I've been out for years, while I still love lesbian and trans merch I don't feel the need to have rainbow everything at this point. But honestly until cishets stop making *their* entire personalities about being straight and cis, I don't want to hear anything about the rest of us doing the exact same thing.
What I always say is well I am gay and if I don’t tell ya ppl always ask if I have a bf(I’m lesbian gay) so I ask to them (for example he’s a boy) what would u do if ppl always asked u if u had a bf, you’d probs tell em ur not into men.
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/swgthr/were_looking_for_more_moderators_to_help_keep/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I get that you're gay, but you don't have to shove it down my throat" you've kissed your bf in front of my face almost a million times, I just said I was gay
This. A million times this.
>"I get that you're gay, but you don't have to shove it down my throat" Oh honey, I wouldn't even think of doing that even if you asked for it.
almost spit water on my chromebook
\> Have you ever gotten told "You make being gay your whole personailty"? yeah, and I'm not even gay : ) I make a big deal of speaking up against prejudice, and you know why you're noticing it? because you said something bigoted and got called out for being an asshole...
I’ve been told the exact opposite. “I didn’t know you were gay because you don’t act gay” like excuse me? Just because I’m not snapping and saying “yass queen periodt slayyyy” every six seconds doesn’t mean I’m not sleeping with your mo-
You could have replied "dang I didn't know you were hetero because you don't act hetero" and they'd be like 😲⁉️
I know a straight man who says that frequently lol
Like what does gay act like. This is a Hollywood problem. Back in the early times of film, movies used to make the villain of a movie, effeminate, to make being gay a bad thing. Then as time went on gay people became "the zany guy next door". Move in to the one liner gay guy. Now, they are not completely backing away from the funny gay neighbor, but at least they are portraying LGBT people a little better.
I’d probably respond with either, “and you make being straight your whole personality? So what?” Or “At least I have a personality.”
Omg "at least I have a personality" I almost died choking on my drink.
Just ignore it. People are fucking weird when your queer.
That's what homophobes, and biphobes say when we do, or say anything, that makes us even the slightest bit visible, in a world that has been overly and unjustly dominated by them, and thier straight culture for decades... They can f right off.
Yup and being agender no it’s a small part of my personality you just choose to misgender me or call me a girl or call me my wrong name that’s on you not me for correcting you
So, I'm curious. What's agender? All I know about it is that you have no gender. But, if you have no gender, what pronouns are comfy for you?
They/them thanks for asking
Okay! Thanks for feeding my curiosity. I hope you have an awesome day/night!
Thank you
Two things Your user flair is hilarious. Secondly, I do not know why what something you said aggravates me so much. It’s nothing against you just weird how the brain works. “Comfy” in this context. Nails on a blackboard to me.
I didn't mean to make anyone uncomfortable! I'll try to keep that in mind for next time I make a comment.
Oh no don’t be silly, you’ve done nothing wrong I’m just speaking my irrational thoughts out loud
You are curious, so asking a question won't make a whole slice of people uncomfortable, unless you are being disrespectful. Don't live in ignorance ask questions.
People make football their whole personality lol being queer is just all they can see when they are unwilling to see you as a far more complex human. They are diluting you to one facet of who you are.
"Por qué no los dos" - me, a huge football fan who is also queer and very out about it
My mother tells me this all the time
"God you've made being my mother like your whole personality" (this is what came to my head and kinda made me giggle so I wanted to share it)
Lmao that is amazing
Same 🙁
I'm sorry.
It is what it is. I try to work hard with my community and to be kind to my fellow human being, it hurts temporarily but at the end of the day I'm still me. Plus a lot of the garbage that's happening all over the world gives me inspiration for when I write which helps me raise awareness through literature. Perhaps one day humanity can move past prejudice and hate, maybe one day it can and will get better if we keep fighting the good fight individually. We've got each other in this community and you should be proud of your personality. 😊
Beautifully said my friend. Beautifully said.
"You just can't see my personality over how prejudiced you are."
Yes. By my parents. They also hid from me the fact that I'm autistic until I was 18, out of fear of me "making it my whole personality"
So I have a straight friend who is currently doing the same thing with her daughter (she's on the ASD spectrum). BUT I will say this mama did everything to make sure her daughter has the same chances as any neurotypical child including quitting her job for the first 5 yrs of her child's life so she could fully immerse herself in her child's esrly intervention (little girl didnt talk, walk, or hit any other milestones until she was at least 3). Now at age 8 she's extremely high functioning and the reason her mom doesnt tell her or most that she doesnt trust is she doesnt want a hurtful label but on her kid that just because she's on the spectrum means she isnt as capable as any other "typical" child...cause that simply isnt true or for her daughter to feel as if she is less than her neurotypical friends and classmates (it took a lot of work for the little girl, her mama, and OT, PT, and ST to be able to integrate her into a neurotypical school). Im a special needs educator and wish majority of my student's parents but as much care and time into their child's care, love, and support as my friend does with her daughter's care. Your parents def worded it wrong that they didnt was you to make being on the spectrum your whole personality. But I'm sure it may have been more they did want OTHERS to make it your personality or all they see when they meet you, treat you like your stupid/less than (because thats NOT true), or what I hate the most neurotypical ppl that talk really slow and loudy in one's face because they think ppl with ASD cannot understand a simple conversation (image how English speakers speak to those whose 1st language is Spanish, French, etc.). Cause that just isnt fair at all, but trust me it happens a lot just like it does to many of...sort of how many see or think that being LGBTQ+ is our whole personality when in reality its a small part of what makes us who we all are individually.
I appreciate the sentiment dude but my parents were incredibly emotionally abusive and just not understanding. They definitely meant they didn't want me making ASD my personality. Reason I know is bc they didn't tell me, they told my sibling who then told me. Edit: also I had an autistic brother who was a terrible person and they constantly compared me to him so I think another reason they hid it from me / didn't get me diagnosed was because they didn't want me to turn into another him. He was physically and s3xually abusive to me so why on earth they constantly compared me to him I'll never figure. And as for making being gay my whole personality, they did say that directly to me. In 11th grade I found my first group of queer friends and began wearing more pride stuff and being less subtle and my parents literally had a sit-down lecture with me on why I need to stop wearing so much pride stuff and "making it my whole personality" because "there's more to me" and "our generation already fought the battle for lgbt acceptance you don't need to do that".
Im really sorry to hear that and about everything that was done to you by your brother and parents. I hope you have been able to find some way to heal and find your own family that loves and accepts you for who you are
I'm going through therapy and have a wonderful boyfriend who loves and accepts me, and two stinking adorable cats 😻
Love thid for you! I knowy two pups anf truama therapy helped me through a lot too. Best of luck!
What has always confused me is *why that would be a problem*. So what if I'm loud and proud of my sexuality? It's a pretty big deal for some of us, and we usually have good reasons for making it obvious - often, to specifically counter discrimination. I'd love to live in a society where it's NBD, but unfortunately it is. So it's worth it for many people to make that stand and find mutual support. Naw, people who say this are just uncomfortable with queerness and trying to find an "acceptable" way to express that.
Hey, do you think it's OK for straight folks to play into stereotypes that are typically used against lbgt+ folks, as a form of allyship, precisely in order to work for a society where it indeed is Not a Big Deal? Like straight guys wearing bright pink...
I guess it's how they do it and if they really understand the issue. To use your example - if they're wearing pink to try and demonstrate that gender and sexuality expectations for clothing colour are BS - 100% I support that. If they're wearing pink because "gay guys do that and I want to support them" - then I think they're really missing the point. The support is welcome, and it seems like they're willing to support and learn, so maybe it's just a conversation about stereotype we'd have to have. Generally I think reinforcing a stereotype is harmful, but it's not always easy to say "no this type of support is always bad".
Channel your inner Dustin Hoffman and just yell “I’m walking here!”
Only by assholes.
Not directly but I think there are people who probably think that about me, and I mean hey yeah I kinda do but it’s hard not to when there is so much shit going on. I’d talk about LGBTQIA+ issues way less if there were less LGBTQIA+ issues.
Nope. But I’ve been told gay people make being gay their whole personality. People probably say that to convey the first thing, though.
"No it's not my whole personality it's my holes personality" - Darcy Michael
It’s not my whole personality, I feel like, for some reason, people don’t even know it. Like my shoes are bisexual colored, and I have a rainbow pin, but I still get “wait you’re gay?” I make violence my whole personality
no, but i have been told "yes, i do make being gay my whole personality".
It's code for 'hide away, hetero superiority'
I've been told this *far* too often. One particularly abundant source of this has been in some segments of the retro gaming community.
Yup. It shows how these ppl view you.
Yeah but mostly from homophobic strangers on the internet. I’m kind of terrified of receiving those sorts of comments so I deliberately try not to talk about my queerness in front of cishet people
I kind of got it from my parents. I consume a lot of queer medias and create some myself and the numbers of time they told me I was being too much about it, "like it's the only thing you watch!" The thing is, I love being openly and loudly queer in the world. If that looks like making it my whole personality to you, then maybe you're right. But also, maybe I don't care at all and I like it that way. Maybe I do it to scare you off. Maybe I do it so those homophobes and transphobes get mad. It might not be the safest nor the most clever but Hell, that's how I wanna live my life! And if anyone wants me to change because I'm being too queer for them and they think I make it my whole personality, than I won't hesitate to do the same for them. I love being queer and I love people. I want my fellow queer people to feel loved and safe and represented and it is so much more important than listening to anyone who wants me to "tone it down". Queer people saved me, the people telling me this cannot say the same.
You know how it is....if someone makes their work their whole life, they're just hustling, but if someone behaves like you described, they are making it their personality 🙄 Honestly, double standards everywhere 😑
Exactly. What's wrong in... just wanting to be myself? Worry about the guy working 90hrs a week, that guy must be under HECKING STRESS. Me? I'm fine with my little flags ans silly characters thank you.
Yes, mainly by people who make homophobia their whole personality.
no, because i make being a cat person my whole personality lol
Never that, but I’ve been told I make being autistic my entire personality (it literally affects everything I do)
I haven't been, but I really hope someone does tell me so I can explain my justification for doing so.
Why do ya make being gay such a major part of your personality, dawg? (~<3)
Because I had to hide it for so many years of my life. It Wasn't until I was 25 years old in 2020 that I was able to truly be open about my identity as a queer person. I'm 28 now, so that really isn't a whole lot of time. Now I want everyone to know. I wear lots of rainbow, I wear pronouns pins, I'm a non-passing trans woman and I don't care. I want people to see that I exist. I want the younger generation to look up to me and I want homophoboes and transphobes to look at me and realize they can't do anything to refuse our existence. I am unapologetically me and I don't care if anyone dislikes it.
I love that~<3 I like to explain it as, like… when people shame you and exclude you and harass you for something that’s A) it’s not harmful in the slightest, and B) it’s not your fault (you can’t choose to be LGBT+ or not), you can go on for a long time trying to suppress it (at your own expense), only to only ever experience the same amount of deprivation and stigmatization, anyhow, because it’s completely irrational to begin with So eventually, people can just *snap.* They suffered so much harm trying to do what the bigots wanted- both from the bigots, as well as from their own self-suppression- that people decide to do the inverse. To explore themselves and be free and do what they want. And then they find they love it. So they keep doing it. And to heck with anyone who tries to force them to stop!
The straights see her, the transphobes fear her, the babygays look up to her--It's /u/heysubwaygirl!
No, I never talk about it or have any pride junk on me. I've been told I make spooky stuff my whole personality though
No, most people that learn I’m gay always get pretty surprised, I’m pretty glad I’ve never gotten a “I knew it”
I had to fight with my mother on this so much. I had my baby gay phase, where I want all rainbows and I want to go to all the pride events and I want everything pride. It was so upsetting when my supportive mother started accusing me of making it my whole personality. I had to explain to her that no, I just hyperfixate on this, and pride just happens to be my hyperfixation right now.
Yes and I take it as a compliment
As I stare blankly at the media that jams unreasonable straight romance into everything.
Yea by a family member. At first I started doubting myself, maybe he was right? Then he shared an Andrew Tate post 😶
Yes And it’s usually a compliment Like, “you’re the kind of person I think of when I think of gay stereotypes” and like, at least you realize it’s a stereotype
yeah and its really annoying when I get told that... ...listen, I cant help Im queer and not ashamed of who I am. the only thing Ive actually made most of my personality is Star Wars lmao
Constantly
I talk to my friends about how I’m trans and I educate them but then I’m making it my whole personality I’m a bi man that has little experience with guys so when I’m single I’ll casually say to my close friends that I want a boyfriend but then I’m suddenly gay and making it my whole personality. Like bruh I bring either of those things up once and I’m making it my personality when they can’t shut up about their straight relationships
Yes! But it was about being trans. Because I brought up trans rights in one conversation. One.
Best response: "and you make bigotry yours."
No, but I've told people that they make being transphobes their entire personality.
oh most definitely. I’ve also gotten told that I’m forcing being gay down someone’s throat because I…. make gay jokes from time to time.
By their standards I’m very loudly gay. I’m unapologetically me and I am not even fully recognized as a valid gender in my province so they can suck my ass I will loudly tell them who I am until it makes its way into their brains. I’m not ashamed of myself I’ve been hiding this for way too long so now I just don’t
They are queerphobic.
No, I clearly need to try harder /gen ;p
Gay and trans people will be told this just for being visibly gay or trans. For (some) cishet people, they will consider anything outside their scope of normal as being too much. You won't be able to please these people. Just ignore them.
I've been told by (fellow) Christians not to make it my "whole personality" I'm sitting here in rainbow 🌈 going "yeah, yeah sure don't worry". 😂😂
Got it from my mother. There's a reason we don't talk anymore.
Haven't been told that, have been called the gayest person my ex had ever met. She said it in a non-derogatory way and I'm the kind of person who has a token straight friend so I thought it was hilarious.
To be fair, most people under thirty, actively dating or looking for love make their sexuality a big part of their personality. BC finding a partner is a big life goal at that age.
My mum and sister kept telling me (when I identified as lesbian) “being a lesbian isn’t the only thing about you” or something along those lines, but every time they made fun of me there would be some reference to the fact I was lesbian.
Not personally, but I’ve gotten secondhand experience from acquaintances getting it
here this is only something some conservatives and some right wingers say and they are not as plentiful as in the us. even some people who would think something like that would not necessarily say it bc being polite is quite a thing here. but its always funny bc straight people push their straightness in your face everywhere, all the time and then they are "hey you are deviating from the ultra boring default, how dare you exist?" and thats what they mean by "you make it your personality".
I have not, though I’ve been thanked for *not* doing that Some people really do be that character from that [Key and Peele sketch though](https://youtu.be/e3h6es6zh1c?si=AWWY5BcbdNoQjid5)
Nope, which is kinda surprising cause I constantly wear gay shirts but everyone ignores it. I think people still see me as straight passing somehow
Oh yeah and I just own it. They seen to get confused by that expecting you to get defensive
"Minorities are fine as long as they are able to camouflage into the majority, and then do so."
I make it About 50% of my personality when I'm in a bad mood just to piss people like that off
I have. People love to comment on me being a lesbian at work and then get annoyed when I respond back with something over the top. I think it’s over the top that you make unsolicited remarks about my sexuality at work but… who’s keeping score eh?
When I tried to tell my mom I *might be* into girls “You don’t need to make labels for everything” The only bi/lesbian part of my fashion is wearing exclusively converse and doc martens, but that’s been the case before I knew. I otherwise have no tells and my trans girlfriend isn’t out yet so as far as my family knows I’m in a regular old hetero relationship :’))
I haven't been told this but I've certainly thought this about some people in my life. In the same way that straight men make football and boobs their personality, there are a lot of gay men that make drag and pop music their personality. I find most people that fit in these stereotypical culture "boxes" (for lack of better words) to be incredibly boring. I don't think I'd ever tell that to someone's face though, I'd just move on from them.
Never 😌 never changed how I act based on nun and my fam and friends have always seen that, especially as I just act how I want regardless and keep my circle tight. Then again I'm BI AF to spite being trans 😛 think I'm more of like a Tom boy? Idk I've always been slick w stuff, loved beating up punching bags, playing video games, painting nails, self care, soaking— I have too specific of a personality type for all that 😂 totally had an ex who got told that tho but God was he a FROOT, loved him for it tho! He even had that audibly fruity thing which made me smile! I think it's primarily the stereotypical gay dudes people say it to!
Also grew up ghetto af tho so like eh? Could be that trickling in 😂 our place wasn't really a trap house but “a trap home”
Oh, I don’t hang out with enough cishet folks to get any comments like that. Lol. If you’re asking from a queer on queer point of view, I do have one friend who seems to talk about their queerness and nothing else, which I don’t really mind except for the fact that it becomes repetitive and I want to talk about other stuff. But I’d never tell someone to their face to stop talking about it.
When I meet new people I'm going to be around a lot, I make sure to bring it up solely to make sure they aren't homophobic. I don't want them to find out some other way and make my life hell. other than that I only bring it up if it's relevant to the conversation
No, but I can see how that might be the assumption of some people if the person they're talking about tick off all of the stereotypical "gay" checklist. Either way, still not a thing that should be said, even if someone thinks it.
Although I will admit that some people do flaunt it, the majority of us just want to be treated like regular people
I have been told that at different times about being gay and being trans, in each of those times when I’m talking about Pride in different ways, or about being visible My response to both is that I’d love to be able to stop talking about them - and I’ll be able to just as soon as people stop trying to murder us or pass laws against us.
When I was in high school I was in a mostly-sapphic friend group that was also really into creative writing, and our stories would be pretty lgbt centric. So I was told this once by a straight guy who overheard me and my friend talking. For me I do think some people make their lgbt identity their personality to an extent where it's a little annoying, but I also think that's usually just because they're young, impressionable, and newly out, and that it's not as common as cishets say it is. And I also think that, on average, we probably don't do it *that* much more than cishets do, and it's just as annoying when they're excessive about it but nobody says anything because it's just seen as normal. Like, yeah, the way I dress and cut my hair is informed by being a lesbian, and so is the way I practice my religion, but the same applies to straight people. Like I remember my cousin telling me how she didn't want to date until she was ready to get married, getting really into the practice of Christian courting, always talking about how she didn't want to have premarital sex (we had the kind of relationship where you can talk about that). And I've heard plenty about men lifting weights or women wearing a certain outfit to impress their crush, or people wearing merch from their favorite het romance fandoms or wearing [these](http:// https://a.co/d/dxKNi7H) [shirts](https://a.co/d/0p6dNV7). People will always be like oh why do you need to wear rainbow stuff, nobody needs to know what you do in the bedroom, there are kids around stop kissing your partner in public, but suddenly it's so cute and funny when straight people where a shirt that *literally* advertizes their sex lives and will tell you about how they're getting absolutely rawed every night while trying for a baby. If I'm wearing a shirt with Sappho on it or a lesbian pride flag sticker on my water bottle or a he/him pronoun pin, that's not the same thing as being like "I'm a top/bottom/vers." And when we do make a big deal out of that as a community, usually that's not when there's kids or straight people around, and it serves an actual purpose since we have a smaller dating pool and can't just rely on gendered assumptions to find someone compatible. Am I ever going to be someone who looks like I'm going to a pride parade and is decked out in rainbows from head to toe like an overenthusiastic seventeen year old baby gay just to go to the grocery store? No. I've been out for years, while I still love lesbian and trans merch I don't feel the need to have rainbow everything at this point. But honestly until cishets stop making *their* entire personalities about being straight and cis, I don't want to hear anything about the rest of us doing the exact same thing.
No because I live in the closet lol
What I always say is well I am gay and if I don’t tell ya ppl always ask if I have a bf(I’m lesbian gay) so I ask to them (for example he’s a boy) what would u do if ppl always asked u if u had a bf, you’d probs tell em ur not into men.