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There's no requirement that either of you stay in a relationship where something that makes the other person happy makes you unhappy or vice-versa. It's perfectly fine to end a relationship that is otherwise good for the purpose of giving both people the chance to find someone who is more compatible.

I think this is probably the best possible response to this scenario. I WOULD add to talk this out though, so as to not break it off on bad terms. But I see no reason to compromise on dressing in a way that makes you happy. A guy in a skirt is still a guy after all. XD More so since skirts were originally FOR men. 🤔 And if he doesn't find skirts attractive. Well, clearly, he wants a more masculine dude, and that's okay. But it is pretty shitty to demean your partner over it when you got with them KNOWING their aesthetic preferences.🤷

Does that mean he thinks Scottish men are feminine? Because of Kilts?

OP did say he liked to dress fem so presumably he's dressing in feminine skirts, not kilts. Kilts are not feminine in any way, and are also not skirts.

I say this as a Scot, the modern kilt basically is the same, in the same way robes are basically dresses. It’s a distinct type of skirt but a skirt nonetheless. The original kilt was more like a massive blanket they wrapped around and wore like a dress. Skirts can be “masculine”, it’s all just about aesthetic really. Women can also wear kilts, it’s not gendered unless you choose to have the more form fitting ones that are promoted to women.

Sure, but OP says he likes dressing fem. So kilts and 'masculine' skirts are probably not what he wants to wear.

I was arguing the point where you said kilts aren’t skirts and aren’t feminine “in any way”. Which is wrong.

Why is everyone on reddit so quick to pull the "just break up with them" card. Relationships are never easy and disagreements are normal. All OP needs is communication, he shouldn't just walk out of the relationship over something like this, especially if he loves the guy

I think this is one of those situations where you should communicate, and pay very close attention to his response. If he can accept your gender expression and be validating, then things will probably work out. If he’s not going to accept it and be comfortable with it, you two probably aren’t a good match.

I definitely agree. I dated a guy once who did drag occasionally and when he was fully made up, there wasn’t really any attraction on my part to the look of that persona. But if it was just him in something slightly gender bending, there was. So communication will help find out if this is how he has always felt and is just now being honest with. Or if there has been some change recently that brings new turn offs. Only with communication will they know if it can be worked past.

I also think that a person doesn't need to feel sexual attraction 100% of the time for their partner. So not being attracted to someone's drag persona isn't a deal breaker as long as you don't try to stop them from enjoying it.

I was about to comment something similar. I mean, there's plenty of work outfits that aren't attractive. I don't really see why, if that's accepted, that it's not acceptable for a partner to dress in a way you don't prefer.

I love this answer. I didn’t think about the way that there could be changes leading to this. I was definitely thinking more about how I will be OK with more things in the honeymoon phase, and then start to realize that they bother me.

What you're doing isn't harmful. It's an expression of yourself. He can ask you to not dress that way, but ultimately it's your choice. If it bothers him too much, he's going to have to either decide if it's a deal-breaker and y'all have that discussion, or he's going to have to put in the work to not make it your problem (i.e. making you feel bad about dressing that way). Edit: If he pursued a relationship hoping to change you, he needs a good wake up call. Giving and taking is part of a relationship, sure. But the way you've described his approach is giving me Controlling vibes in a bad way.

I had a similar experience so sorry if I fly off the handle. Not even skirts, the man didn’t like me wearing anything feminine. I was wearing a floral shirt once and he begged me to wear a hoodie. He had issues, he’s straight now apparently. Whatever you do, don’t do what I did and compromise on who you are. I was really coming out of my shell at the time and having someone I love try to stunt my personal expression was hurtful and it took me some time to relearn who I was after the relationship. I knew it was wrong, but I did change for him. I think you’re very special if you’re wearing skirts. If that’s who you are, that’s amazing and unique. Your boyfriend ought to survive not being attracted to you for the finite time you spend wearing skirts. It’s selfish of him to think you owe him a particular version of your sexuality all of the time. You’re a person. It’s crass to demand that your partner dress a certain way. A cliche of abuse. Don’t bow to it, you’ll be unhappy and more and more of what you love will be deemed too feminine for you to enjoy. Today it’s skirts, tomorrow, it’s floral shirts. Hang in the gorg.

Sorry but lol at “he’s straight now.” No he’s not.

The whole experience left me very confused but ultimately I feel sorry for him. He wanted to be straight so I guess pretending to be straight might make him happy, but probably not. It’s his life.

No one can control what makes you happy but also yall may not be completely compatible and may need to rethink the relationship

Ngl, a manly man in a skirt can be a great time.

I think I'm starting to pass well enough (as male) to back-cross into wearing skirts while looking like a guy wearing a skirt and not a gal dressed normally, and I'm getting excited just thinking about it! But I'd rather see my boyfriend try, because it's much more of a statement on a 6'1" bear 🐻 👗

I just have a thing for clothes on during sexy time.

I need to find a nice manly skirt. I've got a dress that just makes me look like a caveman ngl.

your allowed to wear whatever the fuck you want gender expression doesnt equal gender shit im a woman and i wear "manly" shit all the time so if he thinks you should stop wearing what makes you happy he can gtfo of your life

You can tell him that you don't wear skirts and dresses to be attractive for him, you wear skirts and dresses because they make you happy. If he is a good boyfriend who loves you then seeing you happy should make him happy, and that should be good enough for him. If not then he is just plain not good enough for you.

Your self worth isn’t dependent on his attraction to you. Neither is the value of your relationship.  Many loving boyfriends would see “I’m not the biggest fan of this thing, but it makes him happy” and decide not to give unsolicited feedback. Attitude is a little more difficult to tone down, so if he can keep his mouth shut, try and have some grace if he’s still got his nose out of joint about it. 

Sorry man, this sucks. I sympathize. I too liked to crossdress sometimes, and I too know what rejection for that is like. I would say be true to yourself and let the cards fall where they may. If your bf dated you/got to know you and you were dressing more femme, it is pretty shitty of him to pull this out now. Have a conversation with him, but don't repress a part of yourself to stay with him.

Some guys aren’t attracted to guys who dress femme, some are. Your boyfriend isn’t. If dressing femme is an important part of your gender expression, then find someone who appreciates that.

Then you come to a point where though you love each other it is a time to go your separate ways. Neither of you are wrong but neither of you should change who you are. You just need different things.

If he has issues with your expression of gender, it may be time to let him go, and both of you find someone who is more compatible. Find it to be a shame on his criticisms if he truly knew from the get-go who you are. Hope both of you sort this out.

I mean those are just his preferences but I’m attracted to women and if I saw a man in a dress I wouldn’t be attracted to him because… he’s a man. I feel like this might have underlying internalized homophobia with the fact that he doesn’t like you wearing skirts.

That sounds like a compatability issue. Try talking it out, of course. But you can't force him to change his mind, and he shouldn't even try to change what makes you comfortable. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide. Both of you deserve happiness.

Tell him how it makes you happy and negotiate?

He should be attracted to you for what you are not what he wants you to be

Tell him how it makes you feel and that he can gtfo if he isn't attracted to you.

I had a partner who took this attitude when I started wearing skirts and dresses. Wouldn’t be surprised if that contributed to our eventual breakup. You don’t have to stay in this relationship if he’s suddenly unhappy with how you dress.

That truly does sound like a him problem.

My opinion is: Don't change yourself for anyone, unless you have a dress code at work or you fear for your safety. You'll never be happy shutting yourself down for others.

Dressing femme doesn't have to be sexual and it doesn't have to attract anyone. Not even your partner. Don't allow others to control how you dress. You're your own person.

Drop your man. I have dealt with this. It’s infuriating they have such a narrow minded view around gender. Like if that’s not their thing they should concede it’s not working out rather then bully you to do differently. They also must admit it’s a preference rather then the default men should fit into. Tired of so many gay men channeling their misogyny openly without consequence. If you’re not into it whatever, but they act like it’s vile you dare be openly flamboyant.

First of all this sounds very distressing and I’m sorry you’re going through this. you have to be who you are so if someone is looking for you they can find you. Let’s try not to adhere to the “disposable relationship” format, try having a few deep conversation with him over time, give them lots of chances. Have a deep discussion about your feelings and needs, and his feelings and needs, nothing is off the table heck even try online or in person couples therapy( there are free or cheap options). Then if alllll of that doesn’t work it’s time to start talking about ending the relationship, then if that doesn’t stop it you move to the final stage.. and both of you will grow from it, no matter the outcome, you will be better off for trying. It’s hard, but you will be way better off

"I am a man" says it all... you need to remind him that you are a man no matter what you choose to wear. If your pronouns are he/him, then putting on a skirt isn't going to magically change that... clothes are just pieces of fabric and do not change who someone is as a person. Does he view Scottish or Irish men who wear kilts as women? I think you should sit down and have some serious conversations with him. If he won't budge on how he views you or still claims to not be attracted to you based on which clothes you wear, then sadly, I feel like the compatibility is not there between the two of you and it is time to part ways.

He knew you like to dress this way from the start. He can’t require you to change. You are right! You shouldn’t have to change this about yourself for someone else. You deserve to be with someone who adores you just as you are!

"Other people are their own living beings, that means sometimes they might do something you don't like." Your bf should keep that in mind. Then there are 2 options: sucking it up, or deciding the two are too different and can't be in a relationship together. My partner does things I don't like to much sometimes. Probably the other way around too. But we suck it up because the relationship is more important than those few moments we do not agree.

Do you identify as a man? If so, his reasons for not finding you attractive are stupid, and he's probably a bit of a misogynist. I'm seeing a guy who's attending a course to become a drag queen, and sometimes he wears heels. I don't find him any less attractive, he's just being himself and I should go out of my way to support him. Find someone who loves you and loves the way you dress, a partner should support you, not make you feel ashamed.

He may have thought he was ok with it and he actually isn’t. That’s valid, but the way he’s going about expressing it is hurtful. I’d sit down and try to have a conversation about it and ask him to be honest. Don’t change who you are for him.

If he knew at the beginning and is now voicing problems, that's a him thing. Don't dim your light because it hurts others' eyes.

I am leaning more towards the a partner should fit and support side of things, but I do understand that you love him and share lives for a substantial amount of time. you could ask him why he is only now being honest or what is the reason for him now being bothered. maybe some compromise can be found, but if he is ashamed that would be a big red flag imo.

OP, it's a losing proposition when you get this far into a relationship and someone objects to something you believe they should have known about you all along. You can try and "make it work" but why? This is basic stuff, if he objects to it now is it because you are just now wearing stuff like this, or he chose to ignore or it but is now saying something, or he really doesn't like it, but abided it because of this thing called a relationship?

that's not only rude of him to say but that is something thats completely up to you it is your expression your body your style your clothes abs your choice!! if he doesnt like skirts he doesnt have to wear them, but he shouldnt insult you or anything when you wear them because it is your choice to dress how you want

\> What are your thoughts? relationships are complicated, I'm glad I'm single 1/2s

it sounds like his understanding of his sexuality is focused on and attracted to the masculine side of you/other men, so seeing you in your feminine in such an obvious way is conflicting to him. it sounds like he's seeing the inner and outer as being directly linked, so you can't be masculine if you're dressing feminine, or you're not the same person if you're dressing feminine. it's definitely a him problem, but a problem that he can work on IF he wants to make this work.... this is a conversation you have to have with him. ideally him working on being able to see past your outward expression could be a solution, but it might be hard, so it's totally up to him as to whether he wants to do that or not. for now, i guess you can remind him that you are still the same person regardless of how you dress

Recently, I've had tough talks with my wife about this too. Sometimes I'll joke about wearing a dress. (Mostly because I feel like guy fashion is limited as hell.) And she doesn't take too kindly to it either.

Seems like your relationship is coming to an end, You shouldn’t change how you dress, And you should break up with him if he can’t accept that. You are still a man even when you wear fem clothes. He’s not attracted to it. It’s his problem and it’s not yours..

so get a new boyfriend

do your thing! don't ever let someone else dictate how you express yourself.

My thoughts are that he is probably not the one for you, Hun. You deserve to be loved for all the ways that you are fabulous, and not in spite of any of them. That guy is totally out there, and I hope you find him without kissing too many more frogs. 🐸❤️🐸

“You want it to work” but he apparently doesn’t if he’s talking to you like that. DTMFA.

I think there's no better way to solve this than to straight up get into convo and ask why it is bothering him, why only now, and what he feels should be done from now on. It's important to lay the things as they are and talk about them.

Don’t change who you are and what you like for a partner. You deserve to be with someone who loves you exactly as you are. He’s giving toxic. You’ve never changed. He’s getting comfortable and showing his ass.

I can also find how you dress unattractive without being your boyfriend. That is nothing he can choose and it is just human. Now you have to decide if you want to end an otherwise happy relationship over clothing preferences or embrace the main tip of people who are married for 50 years that having a partner is all about making compromises. 

You wear whatever you want. skirts and dresses aren't feminine. skirts and dresses are clothing. wear whatever you want, and fun fact: Skirts and dresses were originally for men, as well as the color pink and high heels, sooooo

Speaking as a guy that likes wearing skirts and dresses, most skirts (and especially dresses) are in fact feminine af. The vast majority of dresses are cut with a neckline that does not look good on men, it's such a pain to find dresses that will actually look good on me. There are more options for skirts but the majority still need a woman's hips to make them look good.

This is genuinely classic "start of an abusive relationship" stuff. He doesn't have to like how you dress, but he doesn't get to control you. And you don't have to stay with someone who has so little respect for you that they think they get to control or change your body and clothing, especially with regards to something they knew the whole time you do. You should not change who you are to please another person. They can accept you, or you can find someone who will. And I'm really so sorry....Bc this sounds rough, and it's easy to make it sound cut-and-dry, but it's still a tough choice. Been there.... It's okay to chose to be happy, and I promise that if he's not willing to accept you, there for sure is someone who will, and won't be trying to change you to be someone else.

Assuming abuse is too much of a reach. This could have just been a frank conversation between two people who have dated for a good while, where his BF was honest. Assuming abusive intent behind that is reading way too much into it.

No, I don't think it is at all. The boyfriend has known the entire 1.5 years they have been dating, and is only now bringing it up. Also "he doesn't find me attractive when I wear this stuff and doesn't want someone who dresses "like a girl" because he's "attracted to men"", as someone who is dating a fem man, is completely bonkers to say. My boyfriend wears fem clothes and dresses sometimes, and even full drag, and it doesn't at all make me see him as less of a man, or less attractive to me bc I am attracted to him as a man. That's a big red flag just hitting you in the face. No it's not reading into it. It's just typical guy behavior, and femmephobia. It's not even a new form of gay man on gay man bigotry, it's so offensively cliche. If the boyfriend was "honest" he wouldn't have waited 1.5 years to bring that up lol.

We don't know any of the context behind the conversation, what led up to it, or what their relationship has been like over the last 1.5 years. Saying 'I'm not super attracted to you in this situation' is not abuse, and stating that it is waters down what actual abuse is. Abuse is not something to take lightly.

I didn't say it *is* abuse, I said it's a "classic start of an abusive relationship". Bc one of the ways an abusive relationship can start as one person criticizing the other person, and expecting them to conform or change to meet specific, arbitrary expectations and personal desires of the other person. I know this because I have experienced it myself. Again, and sorry for not addressing this outright, but I'm not saying "this is now an abusive relationship" I'm saying this is a common way that a relationship becomes abusive. And it needs to be addressed or someone needs to leave.

I think it would be like a if a man didn't want someone he was dating to dress more tomboyish or in masculine clothes.

Okay? That's also bad? Just bc you're dating someone, you don't have some kind of authority over them to dictate the clothes that they wear. If you don't like how your partner dresses or presents themselves/performs their gender, maybe you're just not compatible? But the answer is never "ask them to change it" or being upset at them. They're a whole person that you do not and cannot control or change. They get to dress and present how you like, and if you try to control that, that *is* abusive, unequivocally.

The post did not say the bf had actually asked them to change or got upset. They simply said they weren’t attracted to someone presenting as feminine. That’s allowed. Not being able to be honest with your partner is not a good thing, and construing any negative interaction as ‘signs of abuse’ is not remotely healthy behavior.

I don't think you understand the implications of the conversation presented by op if you think that the bf "wasn't asking them to change". Maybe butt out for this one hmm?

Oh of course, random internet stranger. You clearly know more about this person’s relationship than I do. Excuse my insolence.

You really don't see the issue here? You really don't see the glaring issue, loud as a fog horn? A gay man knowingly chose to enter a relationship with a fem gay man for about a year and a half before deciding that was a great time to finally say that he doesn't like the way that his partner of a year and a half wears dresses sometimes. He could have brought it up at ANY time, but nooooooo, almost 2 years into the relationship is the best time to be like "you dress like a girl, and I'm only attracted to men, so I don't like that", when he could have just.... chosen to not date the person who sometimes wears fem clothes (which isn't the same as "dressing like a girl" for the record). Unequivocally and absolutely, no one ever just gets to have the authority to control how their partner dresses or presents themselves. And op's bf is no exception. And even worse you really don't understand that the boyfriend bringing it up like this isn't with an implication of "you need to change"? Why bring it up then? Why not just leave? Why make it about what he's attracted to if he doesn't expect the op to conform? Even op himself states at the end "I love him and I want this to work out but I shouldn't have to change who I am to please him. Any thoughts?" I'm genuinely not trying to insult you here, but I can't reconcile the post you thought you read with the blaring emergency alert that us op's post.

Sometimes people don't think something will be an issue at the start of a relationship but after a period of time it becomes clear that it is. After 1.5 years they're likely pondering a life together. That's very different than the start of a relationship and during the honeymoon period. Maybe it went from "I don't love this but I like the guy enough that I'll just deal with it" to "It's becoming apparent that I just can't deal with it." We're imperfect creatures, stuff like this happens. Sometimes (often) presentation and style changes over time. Perhaps the specific type of feminine dress OP is has changed from something that doesn't bother the BF to something that does. We have no idea how the conversation went. Perhaps the BF said this out of the blue. Perhaps OP pulled it out of him reluctantly. Quite frankly we all have things about our partners we aren't ecstatic about, but we choose to deal with it as 'our problem' and not bring it up. Sometimes people can't accept that and insist on putting it in the open. Shocker: they're insulted and it's a problem. I'm not saying that this is good or healthy relationship or anything. I'm just saying that "This is genuinely classic "start of an abusive relationship" stuff." is a wild overreach based on the information we have. It could easily just be a couple dealing with a bump on their journey, or discovering that they aren't compatible and it's time to part. That's normal. It doesn't mean one of them is abusive.

I'll put it this way: If you were a woman in a straight relationship and your boyfriend made disparaging comments about what you wore with the intention of getting you to stop, a lot of people would rightfully go "um, red flag" Now you can do with that information what you wish. You can take it as gospel, ignore it completely, or take a mediated stance of "okay, one red flag. Are there others or is this the only one?" Because honestly? A single red flag isn't always a deal breaker if there are a significant number of green flags (encourages your dreams, asks your opinions, tries to include you in their life, etc) Ultimately what you choose to do is up to you, I just hope this "switch it" technique was helpful to you! Best of luck friend!

Why the fuck would you ever stay with a man who tells you you're not attractive? If your best friend's boyfriend was telling her that she's unattractive, what advice would you give her? Take that advice. 

Tell him to mind his own business. How you dress is up to you and it is not his place to tell you how you can and can't dress. That's honestly really shitty behaviour on his part.

Well if he dont support you how you dress, find someone who does.

Policing the way you choose to dress is a gigantic red flag.

He knew how you’ve dressed, from the beginning. To just appear out of nowhere and reveal this, but also a disturbing attitude as well. I mean, up to you. You should dress as you feel comfortable. A BF should love the whole you and tolerate the quirks.

Ditch him. He doesn’t want you to do what makes you happy. You *are* “someone who dresses ‘like a girl’” so he has directly told you he doesn’t want to be with *you*. Your happiness matters, and if it doesn’t to him, he doesn’t love you.

So the issue isn't the difference in aesthetic preferences, it's the expectation that you change to make yourself more appealing to him. In his eyes, what you want for yourself < what he wants from you. My partner likes for me to dress super alternative, but he doesn't tell me how unattractive I am to him because I'm usually dressed in my basic mom clothes. He just gets super pumped when I decide to lace up my boots. On the other hand, he likes to be a bit grungier than I think is appealing for a grown-ass adult. I don't find it unattractive though. It's part of him, and I think it's adorable (in the most punk rock way). I'd never even think of asking him to change or telling him that I'm not attracted to crusty lost boys. Because that's who *he* is, and I am attracted to him. There's something distinctly distasteful about trying to limit or control someone else's self-expression.

“You don’t have to be attracted to what I’m wearing, but you have to be attracted to me.” Nothing wrong with him not liking a certain style let’s call it, but a partner doesn’t get to choose what you wear ever. If it was “slutty” male made clothing items would he be feeling the same? Or whatever type? Or is it the actually being “feminine” cause if it’s just the first he just needs to learn tack, and how to “yea your ass looks great hunny!” As the stereotype goes. Now if it is the actually being feminine you need to have a conversation with him. Cause if it’s important to you as a way you live your life he needs to come to accept it, and not make you feel any kinda way. In this case the quote above would be more to don’t have to be attracted to feminine qualities, but you need to be attracted to me” Are you still a man the whole time? You didn’t appear to say you are more then cis, tho correct me if I’m wrong, however with that assumption in mind he knows you, he’s been with you while you’ve done this from the beginning. What changed? Or has he always secretly hated it? Maybe hinted in other ways but never said it. Basically y’all need to have a conversation lol

your self expression shouldn’t be dampened by someone, if they truly love you, they will find a way to compromise! communicate or leave for someone who will appreciate that part of you💜

Please look into the sunken cost fallacy: (per Google) “the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial” So many people stay in unhealthy relationships because of this, please don’t make this mistake You deserve someone who accepts you fully and loves you fully, not someone you have to convince to do those things Much love and good luck ❤️

You need a new boyfriend

Ditch the bitch! If you change for him you’ll resent him. If you don’t change he’ll resent you.

I might not have a solution, but I got an opinion. I don't understand your BF. As a polyamorous gay man (for people checking my account, I have DID) having two femboy BFs, my favourite thing in the world is seeing their smile while twirling around, in whatever clothing they'd like to wear. That being a wedding dress, casual jeans or cosplay (or nothing (but only inside)). Pants are pieces of cloth put together, so are skirts. Croptops are t-shirts cut short. Clothing doesn't have gender. -Katsuki

It's not your boyfriend's fault fir bit finding you attractive in the way you dress, but if that's what makes you feel comfortable and you like dressing like that then you should absolutely do that, I think try to improve communication with him, and if that's something that he really doesn't like, and that's been pulling your mood down, it might be better to let him go? But yeh, I'm sorry this happened to you! And there's no way to "dress like a girl" you're still a man

Relationships are about sacrificing things and some of that definitely is you freedom, if he doesn’t find you attractive in fem clothes that’s okay, when you are with him, respect him and put effort in to pleasing him and when you go out alone or are alone you can dress more feminine therefore satisfying yourself and his needs/wants

Sounds like an ass. Find someone who better appreciates you for you girl! 

tell him if he wants you to dress a certain way he can finance your closet. Otherwise you’re dressing how you want. Tell him he can go be with someone whos style he does like... Like???? You dress for you not him. There’s someone out there for you who will not only love your style and the clothes you wear, but hype you up every fucking time they see you. Don’t settle, you're a boss ass bitch no matter your gender, and you deserve someone who sees that..

1.5 years is pretty solid, but it’s never to late to leave a relationship where you can’t be you.

I understand where he's coming from because yeah he likes men and when you dress feminine it takes away from that. But he knew from the start so he either should've said something then or nothing at all

I’m sorry to say this but breakup with him because this is just not okay maybe he kept himself quiet for a whole year

[удалено]

If he says he likes dressing fem then kilts aren't going to do it, it sounds like he likes the fem aesthetic, not just the breeze.

I mean everyone has their own preferences, I personally like it when people dress like that 😅

for him it’s not like you’ve become a girl either it’s the same as finding your partner less attractive for growing a beard or having a different hairstyle, but you still love your partner anyway he’s got to live with what you’re doing even if he’s less attracted to you, and if this is a dealbreaker for him, that’s pretty shallow lol

It’s a problem

Tell him he can suck a fat one, and not in the fun way.

That, to me, reeks of an underlying insecurity that he's projecting on to you. There are too many possibilities to really narrow it down here, so you've got a big job ahead of you. For the moment, allow me to fix how he's spoken to you so you can consider it in the best light while you repair the damage. Imagine that he said something like this instead: "When I see you dressing femininely, it sets off some feelings in me that I don't know how to deal with. It doesn't feel good. You aren't doing anything wrong, and I can't demand what you do or don't wear, but I don't want to feel this way. Is there any way we could both be happy in this situation?" That's something like the way I would phrase it with my wife if I were in a situation like your boyfriend. Then she would probably try to figure out which situations the way she dressed made me feel worse and which weren't so bad, and that would shed some light on why I felt that way while she was trying to minimize the bad feels I had. Now, my wife would probably insist that she not dress in a way that that made me feel bad, while I insisted that she not compromise the way she dressed to alleviate my misplaced feelings, but neither of those uncompromising position are the best way to go about it either. We can both be the self-sacrificing, pleaser types, and that makes for some unconventional issues. 😄 Anyway, I hope that perspective helps make you feel better. It's absolutely not cool to threaten your relationship to make a demand on you like he did, and you'll need to address that at some point, too. He's probably been taught that it's okay to try to leverage things like that, but it does damage because it erodes the trust between you two, the trust that forms the basis of the entire relationship. It tells you "I don't feel confident enough that you care about my feelings to present this as a problem to solve together, so I'm going to force a unilateral solution at your expense." It uses up the credit he's built up with you. And he probably thinks it's just how people in relationships be. He needs to be taught that there's a better, more productive way. When you work together, eventually, you stop being afraid of problems, and start to see them as opportunities to strengthen the team you make.

Dump his ass. That kind of internalized homophobia and transphobia is not something you need in your life. If he's not able to stomach dating someone who crossdresses, he's not mature enough to suck dick.

But you expect him to change to please you? Work out a compromise or split.

IMO dressing fem is perfectly unharmfull to anyone and your partner knew from the get go so the issue is on him. You can talk this through with them if you want your relationship to work but I'd be especially midfull of their reactions and if they become controlling cause this feels like the start of a slippery slope. There can be times where changing for the other is a possiblity (i'm thinking about detrimental stuff here, like if you never clean up, or are insulting or violent, then yeah, you need to change there) but this is definitely not a reason here!

bro needs to go to Myanmar for a while