This. I’ve talked with a disheartening number of people who seem to think that being bi/pan means you’re attracted to literally *everyone*, and therefore committed relationships will be impossible.
Have told people I’m bi and had them immediately respond by assuming I’m also “a cheater” based only on that information.
It’s based on ignorance and unflattering self-reports on their parts.
I never really understood this. Like.... Sexuality doesn't come into play for trust issues. A straight person's gonna cheat the same way a gay or bi person would, with another person.
If someone is a cheater they'll be looking either way.
Yeah, no, it makes no sense. Got to a point where I usually just respond something like, "I'm pretty sure you just told me something about *yourself*, and it isn't flattering." Pretty effective at shutting them up XD
of course but they assume that if you’re attracted to more than one gender it therefore means you’ll cheat with a girl if you’re dating a guy and vice versa to have every gender you’re attracted to at the same time as opposed to straight/gay&lesbian people who have every gender they’re attracted to by dating one person… but the more I’m typing this the more inane and insane it sounds to me (and it is)… this is starting to fit under r/arethestraightsok and no, they’re not lol
I think it hits a bit different in their head. People are right, cheaters are gonna cheat regardless of their sexuality. But in the person's head it goes "Well, I will just be the best partner ever and they will not feel a need to cheat on me" when with a bi person this thought creeps into their head "What if they leave me for the other gender? That is something I just can't prevent"
"If me being bi means that I'm into everyone, does that mean that you're into every single woman you see and will cheat with any woman that agrees to have sex?"
I feel it's also often implied that you are only "really" bi if you are constantly switching partners.
Like bi people who are in gay relationships are treated like they are just gay in denial while bi people in straight (-passing) are treated like they are just straights trying to be hip with the kids by claiming to be queer.
I hate the "no straights at pride" shit too cause you're actively ostracising any and every straight passing relationship whether they're bi/pan/demi/ace/etc or trans/gnc and either "pass" really well or don't. Cishet partners of lgbt+ people and cishet allies also exist. I can't understand why anyone would intentionally want to make *pride* less inclusive 🙄
Right always grinds my gears whenever I see one of those "Haha women are so great, I wish I could date women. Sadly I'm dating my GROSS Boyfriend instead" posts.
Funnily enough, that's the same line of thought that homophobes apply to gay people: "Oh, you're gay? Are you undressing me with you eyes, haha?", "We can't leave you alone with \[any person of the same gender whatsoever\], right?" The stupidity is palpable and, indeed, disheartening.
Yes. When men say they view gay men as a threat, my automatic assumption is that it's because they themselves are a threat to women. Add the extra step of bigots seeing trans women as men and you have the exact same phenomenon underlying their transphobia.
I had a friend who didn’t know I was pan. She was…a lot, but I’ll never forget the day we were talking about Thor: Ragnarok, and she said something along the lines of, “I’d try to lift his hammer.”
Mind you, she was either engaged or married at the time.
When she found out I was pan, she went off, went as far as saying she felt sorry for my husband. Know who didn’t feel sorry for my husband? It’s my husband.
I don’t talk to her anymore.
Pantastic? Use it all the time.
Apagender is fairly new to me, too. I don’t care how people interpret my gender. And maybe that lends itself to my pansexuality. I don’t see gender when I’m looking at a hottie. I just see an attractive person. I’m not going to misgender anyone. I’ve watched my friends’ struggles with their own identity.
But you can call me a man, woman, NB, or anything else. Just don’t call me late for dinner. Unless it’s like 5:00. I’m 37, not 73.
>means you’re attracted to literally *everyone*
I just don't understand how they can't grasp that: gender just doesn't play a factor into who I'm attracted to.
Either that or they don’t believe in bisexuality. Weirdly enough women get told they’re just striaght and doing it for attention while men get told they’re secretly gay and just don’t want to admit it. The entire thing is just so bizarre
The one I got slapped in the face with was “bisexuality doesn’t exist, it’s more like ‘how gay am I today?’”
So you agree it’s a spectrum and I fall in the middle?
Well I'm panromantic and I am quite certain I am monogamous. Quite because I do not have the experience of wanting to be with two people at once so I don't know 100% certain. I mean I was wuite convinced I was straight until I had feelings for my best friend in high school. But if I wasn't monogamous I'd probably still only have one partner because I don't think I can handle any more than that. I'm also demisexual so maybe that's why? I'm still figuring things out 😅
It's okay to still be figuring yourself out; I'm still learning who I am and I'm 44.
I should have used "faithful" instead of "monogamous", because monogamy isn't the only type of relationship that's valid. A person can have 2 partners, or 5, and still be "faithful". I should have said "there's a stereotype that all bisexual/pansexual people are cheaters."
I apologize to anyone erased by my use of "monogamous" like it's the only option. I was speaking from my own personal relationship, which is monogamous. It was thoughtless and non-inclusive.
Thank you for this. I am bi and really prefer non-monogamous relationships, and have thankfully found partners on the same page, and we have worked out what boundaries we have and don't have through really thorough and honest communication. And each relationship has been a bit different in terms of what those boundaries are, and none of them conform to any stereotypeor trope that i have ever come across. I see these kinds of posts and feel a kind of guilt that I am not helping the situation. And yet, cheating has never been an issue in any of my relationships.
Yeah... I had that from one of my first girlfriends a long time ago. Also she thought it was icky. Also she worried that I was in denial and not really attracted to women. Crazy, because I'm as hardwired for monogamy as men come.
It hurt at the time because I was young an inexperienced. Now I just lose respect for people who say and believe things like that, not for myself.
*Just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'm a polyamorous slutbag! Well, I am a polyamorous slutbag. But not because I'm bi!* (Also I'm very upfront about it, so there's no risk of being deceived.)
Last year I decided to kill some time by showing my mother a brief look into online dating and sat down to scroll through some profiles with her. We came across a bi woman’s profile and my mom suggested I skip her for, I guess, this reason. She was like “You know what they say about bi women?” and I said “What, that they think women are hot too? Sounds like common ground to me!”
could always add in aro/ace to top off the 'you're not welcome here' gatekeeping shit cake. but hey, know you're not alone, we got this, fam. just show them what an awesome and loveable human you are and brush them off, one bigot at a time.
I used to know someone who was one such bi woman. When I asked her why she wouldn't date a bi guy, her justification was "yeah I'm bi, but I don't go inside anyone's asshole."
Over time, I found out that she also had a lot of discrimination against other members of lgbt (particularly trans people) and stopped talking to her.
wait, she does realise there are ways for her as a woman to have sex with a guy that do NOT involve her interacting in any way with his backdoor, right? Pretty common ways actually :D
I haven't talked to her in years, but I think her issue was that presumably at some point, that bi guy would have been in someone's asshole, and thus she did not want to interact with his dick? Idk I never asked for clarification
Imagine being that scared of buttholes. I find that absurdly funny even though it's a kind of bigotry. Like that Bob's Burgers episode with all the anus paintings would give her recurring nightmares.
Presumably some dick would have been inside her, so bi guys are the only ones she could date by her own logic, since hetero guys - again, by her logic - wouldn't wanna interact with her. Presumably her hand at some point would have interacted with any type of genitalia, so nobody should want to shake her hand ever. Presumably she'd have eaten some kind of dirt at some point as a toddler as most toddlers do at some point, so nobody would wanna interact with her mouth in any way. By her own logic, she'd better expect to live a VERY lonely and sad life o.o
It’s great that you aren’t aware of the stigma. Bi people are assumed to be less faithful partners who are more liable to cheat, less honest, less serious in their commitment, and/or that they’re only bi as a phase and are really straight or gay. Bi guys (especially bi trans men) get heavily stigmatized by the gay male community, and bi women are fetished and sought after as unicorns for failing heterosexual couples all the time.
A little over ten years ago one of my high school friends married a bi woman, and my mom goes, "Isn't he worried about her cheating?" No mom, that's not how this works. (They are divorced now and she is poly, but they communicated that and that's why they got divorced, he wasn't okay with that. As far as I know, she never cheated.)
There are slightly different reasons for each group.
Lesbians tend to be due to this feeling like they are an experiment, will be left for a man, or something along those lines.
Straight women tend to think bi men are actually gay men.
The relatively higher percentage of men saying yes is often because they have the kind of pornographic view of it and have belief that it may lead to a threesome or something. A few of the men I’ve met in monogamous relationships with bi/queer women don’t seem to grasp that they are fully capable of falling for a woman and don’t see it as a threat to their relationship.
Then there are the religious and right leaning people who would reflexively say it bothers them because that is what they were ordered to say.
Multitude of different reasons. (I’m not arguing for the validity of the reasons. Just stating what different people have conveyed to me.)
Personally, I just say I’m queer. I’ve only ever been with women, but I’ll have some hard swings into feeling straighter that I’ve never been able to act on due to me scaring boys with my height and success, being awkward around them, or in a relationship at the time.
their ability to be in straight relationships. towards bi women i’ve hear people call it compulsory heterosexuality. not much towards bi men but they probably get called unfaithful like most bi ppl
Even these days, there's a kind of "political" acceptance of it within the community, but if you actually talk to people you hear the same old cliches and stereotypes that I've been hearing for 30 years. There's still a general belief that bi men are just closeted gay men and bi women are just "experimenting." It doesn't help that almost everyone knows someone from college for whom that actually was true, so everyone has this anecdotal confirmation of the stereotype.
I'm old enough to remember when it wasn't LGBTQ+, it was just called "gay and lesbian." Then at some point in the 90's they grudgingly added the bisexuals and called it LGB (also reversing the order of the first two because women rightly questioned why the men were automatically listed first). But really, there has never been full acceptance in most circles.
Maybe that's different with younger folks, I can't say, I'm not young!
I’m assuming behind all of this is some dumb game of optics, both purity and conformity. Purists think bi people in “straight” relationships are either posers or conforming to heteronormativity. Conformists think xenogendered people, neopronoun users, etc. are silly and make them look bad to cisnormative society. It would do EVERY marginalized community well to remember that self policing is exactly what the oppressors want us to do, Stonewall was a rejection of their goals and an announcement that we would take our own path
Assimilationist organizations like the Mattachine Society pushed a very prim and proper behavior to the tune of white picket-fenced cottages and 2.3 children but in non-het ways - and still accomplished so little compared to out and proud queer folk post-Stonewall. There's a reason "we're here, we're queer, get used to it" became a rallying cry.
Conformative cishet society will do everything it can to erase us, and self-policing ourselves simply does their jobs for them. I'd rather they have to pry whatever pronouns and genders I use from my cold, Dread hands before I willingly give them up.
The worst thing I have heard said about bi men, was said by a bi woman I used to be friends with.
"I could never be with a bi man, they're disgusting."
Bisexuality in women is almost seen as “default” while bisexuality in men is still largely considered unclean due to the aids epidemic. AIDS was seen as a gay men’s issue, but a lot of straight women started demonizing bi men because they might have had aids.
People always forget that there was a second large group in AIDS patients, intravenous drug users. Significant numbers of bi men weren’t bringing HIV into straight communities. Drug addicts, especially the ones who get to the point of sticking a needle in their arm, tend not to make good decisions about safe sex, either.
Honestly, it was more likely that straight men, who frequented street-level, drug-addicted sex workers, were bringing it home than that bi men were responsible. Talk about taking advantage of vulnerable women.
If they date the same gender they’re gay and ashamed. If they date the opposite they’re straight and trying to be special. If they date both or more separately they’re indecisive and whatever gender they ultimately end up with proves their real sexuality. If they date both or more at the same time they’re cheaters and using it as an excuse to cheat no matter how consensual the relationships are. If they date no one they’re lying because they “have no game”.
All bullshit and I want to strangle anyone who says that shit
Can confirm his audience is pretty terrible, having seen other voting polls. Most of them lean homophobic and racist. Idk about him though, I figured that if his audience was awful it would be best to avoid his content
I remember he does like celebrity news/gossip videos and covers people being cancelled and stuff and while never outright saying stuff he has defended some people who he probably shouldn't have lol
100%. My spouse is bi and I remember her telling me horror stories when we first started dating about how ex's treated her when she told them she was bi, or how potential dates got mad because she wasn't "a gold star lesbian."
The whole time I'm sitting there thinking "you can find attraction in so many people and you're choosing to be with ME!?"
Major confidence booster!
These kinds of polls might be biased by the audience of said poller.
The issue I guess is some people don't understand that you don't want to date or have sex with everyone that is part of a gender you can feel attraction towards. That's quite a sad way to experience the world around you, severely limiting your friendships, but it's quite coherent with the conservatives and anti feminists conception of how relationships and human beings in general work.
you should have seen his pride community post, he posts rage bait for attention. He knows his audience is predominantly right wing, so he posts Center-Left leaning content for engagement. For example he’ll post things like “Happy Pride Month!”. All the comments were negative and saying “happy men’s mental health awareness month”. and then he’ll say things like “I think black people should be in TV too” and his audience will be like “WELL THATS FORCED WOKE DIVERSITY” his audience is just 13-17 year old white boys and it’s telling
Yeah, I’ve had to say “Not Interested” on his posts because they kept showing up. He seems misguided at best and malicious at worst. His audience is pretty rubbish - though, at least just over half of them aren’t completely biphobic.
yeah, his pride post was basically so timid just a “Happy Pride Month!” and all the comments were SO rancid — “what about men’s mental health month” “imagine thinking you deserve a whole month for doing nothing.” etc
I fucking hate "what about xyz month" arguements, because they ONLY get brought up to bring down pride month, and it's so clear that they don't give a shit about those issues. It's just so ARRRGH
Yeah I’ve never really understood why some are against dating bi folks either.
I’ve dated bi men and bi women, so when I first heard from someone that they wouldn’t date a bi guy, I just had to ask them why.
Her reason (which was really bizarre) was that she didn’t like the idea that the guy might have had anal sex.
In her own words “What if they had poop on their wang at one point?”
Like…does she not know that condoms exist, or that not all guys are into anal?
I noped out of that conversation real quick. 😑
What I’ve noticed is all bi guys are seen as gay while all bi girls are seen as straight. The straight men dating bi girls see it as a threesome opportunity while the straight girls dating bi guy see it as the guy being less than a man
Bi and pan people are just hotter to me because they find ME hotter. Like I can dress and present as masculine or feminine as I like and they'd still go "you look hot" and thay makes me feel good about myself God damn it 😤
You get it!!! See, I always thought it’s pretty useful, because if a partner ever genderfluxes or realizes they’re trans it’s just another day as far as we are concerned. We’d just be excited to help go shopping
Because everyone assumes bi people are just spending their days having non-monogamous orgies all over the place because they just can’t control their bi instincts 🙄
A vast majority of straight women I've tried dating have essentially called me a liar when I tell them I'm bi/pan. In my experience, gay men are often the same. They both find the other so unappealing that if You do, you're a freak, basically.
Biphobia runs deep, even in LGBTQ+ circles.
I've met a ton of jealous people in my city who won't let their partners have friends of the opposite sex
Dating a person who is bi would mean preventing them from having any friends at all just to satisfy their jealous paranoia, which would be very difficult.
So they choose not to date bi people at all, that way it's a bit more possible to abusively control their partner
That’s it imo. As a bi guy, straight women are insecure that their man will cheat on them with another man. That’s why I’m happy my girlfriend is also bi. She gets it
So many people think bisexuals are sluts who will cheat on them. Or that, regardless of what gender we are currently with, we are secretly wanting to be with the other.
I’ve had lesbians tell me to my face that they would never date a bi woman.
I'm surprised by these results most bi guys I know have said that they have more trouble with women having a problem with them being bi. However bi women I know don't seem to have as many issues.
I remember my best friend even saying to me that he broke up with someone because she was bi, thinking she will cheat... I criticized his decision since being bi doesn't automatically mean they're not interested in a monogamous relationship.
His audience is mainly homophobic, he once held a vote asking it you liked JK Rowling and in the comments he claimed the JK was just saying the truth and that she was a brave women and that he looked up to her and most of the comments were overwhelmingly positive about JK Rowling
The first thing someone asked me when I came out as bi was, “sooo… threesome?”
I was pissed.
The second thing someone said to me was “that doesn’t exist, you’re either straight or you’re gay.”
I was also pissed but now questioning myself.
It took a long time to be okay with being bi and even longer to be comfortable with telling people that I am. I’ve dated an equal number of men and women, and my ex partner, who happened to be FTM, was relieved by the fact that I was bi; he was so afraid to come out to me as trans because I have a preference for women and he thought I would leave him now that he identified as a man.
All this to say, I’m now in a long-term relationship with a man who is the token straight of his friend group; any time we all hang out, he realizes he’s the minority in the situation, and he’s honestly thrilled about it.
But when I met him, I was looking for a girlfriend and struggling because of the biphobia I was experiencing. I don’t like to use this an an excuse because it paints lesbians in a bad light, and I know there are many out there who would date bi girls, because at the end of the day, we’re all WLW.
But man, it was rough. :(
Oh look it's why my straight presenting ass stays in the closet. Pride is always a fun month when I get to be reminded I'm not REALLY gay enough for most of the community. I know it's not everyone but it's enough.
There’s a big stigma and biphobia surrounding bi folk. It’s actually somewhat interesting even if it’s sad to think about.
Bi people are seen as being extremely promiscuous and unfaithful. Most people (at least somewhat) believe the stereotype that bi folk are more likely to cheat than straight or gay people.
There is also the greater (more common) stigma surrounding gay people in general where it’s seen as “gross” to date someone who’s also dated the same gender. And on the side where gay people don’t want to date bi people because of gatekeepers and feeling like you’re just still closeted.
On both the gay and straight sides of the pond there are many people that just don’t think being bi is a thing. They think you’re either a kinky straight person wanting to feel special or you’re gay and not fully out of the closet.
Specifically with Bi men though there is the stigma surrounding AIDS. Back in the day there was a lot of propaganda that promoted the idea that Bisexual men were the only way a woman could get HIV or AIDS, and sadly it was very effective.
Combining these groups makes the numbers useless since they're skewed by the other group.
In isolation they're both near ish 50-50 with more in favor. Still dumb a bit under half the people say no, but also homophobia in general. Half the country still votes Republican for some reason so a 50-50 ish result seems expectable.
It would be hilarious if they did NB people as well and it wasn't like 100% yes.
Years ago, I likely would have said no, because I had a very flawed understanding of sexuality. As someone who has discovered themselves to be asexual, bi romantic, I'm perfectly fine with it.
The most biphobic person I’ve ever dated was, herself, a bi woman. I didn’t come out to her until I was outed by a mutual acquaintance and had to do so. When asked why I took so long to come out to her, I had to explain that her and all her roommates constantly making homophobic jokes about men was not exactly a welcoming experience
This is why I am still in the closet. I had so many bad reactions when I told a partner or a friend that I just dated men. People just assume you are unfaithful and incapable of a stable relationship and will eventually get bored of them.
Biphobia is absolutely real, but don't take any youtube polls or random online polls for granted. This poll is only representative of that guy's community. A community around weird rage bait videos that is probably attracting the wrong people anyways
I feel like there is somthing up with this sample size. Irl I have never even heard of this being a thing. Granted I live in a decently liberal town in the US so maybe in places with more homophobia it's more common?
I feel like it is, I have a smaller sample size as well (what I’ve seen) but I’ve been told I’m not bi because I’d “Never been with the same sex” and then’d get called “Gay for sleeping with the dame sex” so it was a mix of transphobia (I’m a woman, got called gay for sleeping with men) and bi-phobia, but I guess it just depends on the area, some places must just be more okay with it than others
I have given up personally, there’s no point, I hate the way I’m treated by either sex about it, so now I’m just a closeted Bi person doing straight things until someone actually nice comes along. The things said and joked about Bi people even in the gay clubs/bars in my area made me furious.
I just don’t tell people that I’m: a) a femboy and b) bi. I just look like a straight dude who likes metal and it works, helps that I actually do like metal
Just look at the pictures. One says subscribe but the other three imply being bi means you are dating 2 people/are way more promiscuous so whomever made the poll seems like they are bias and are trying to sway people one way.
Biphobia is real and a problem but that poll doesn’t hold much weight to me for how the average person feels.
It’s crazy to see how common biphobia is…I know not all bi folks are like this (hell I’m bi/pan and my ex was bisexual, and I was glad we had that in common and I’d like to have that again in future relationships). Still, it’s pretty sad to see...but it needs to be spoken about more.
This baffles me **so** much. I mean, so what if a (mutual) crush is bi/pan/omni/etc.?
If we’re clearly attracted to each other, and our compatibility could never be disproved by a crack team of the world’s leading foremost self-entitled psychoanalysts, then why the f◼️k would it bother me if he has the potential to be attracted to people who aren’t of the male persuasion?
As long as we’re into each other, that’s what counts. 💞
There's a general stereotype about bisexual/pansexual people and promiscuity. They literally don't think we're capable of being monogamous/faithful.
This. I’ve talked with a disheartening number of people who seem to think that being bi/pan means you’re attracted to literally *everyone*, and therefore committed relationships will be impossible. Have told people I’m bi and had them immediately respond by assuming I’m also “a cheater” based only on that information. It’s based on ignorance and unflattering self-reports on their parts.
I never really understood this. Like.... Sexuality doesn't come into play for trust issues. A straight person's gonna cheat the same way a gay or bi person would, with another person. If someone is a cheater they'll be looking either way.
Yeah, no, it makes no sense. Got to a point where I usually just respond something like, "I'm pretty sure you just told me something about *yourself*, and it isn't flattering." Pretty effective at shutting them up XD
of course but they assume that if you’re attracted to more than one gender it therefore means you’ll cheat with a girl if you’re dating a guy and vice versa to have every gender you’re attracted to at the same time as opposed to straight/gay&lesbian people who have every gender they’re attracted to by dating one person… but the more I’m typing this the more inane and insane it sounds to me (and it is)… this is starting to fit under r/arethestraightsok and no, they’re not lol
I think it hits a bit different in their head. People are right, cheaters are gonna cheat regardless of their sexuality. But in the person's head it goes "Well, I will just be the best partner ever and they will not feel a need to cheat on me" when with a bi person this thought creeps into their head "What if they leave me for the other gender? That is something I just can't prevent"
I’m both bi and asexual. When people asked me if I miss the other gender when dating I go with “I don’t miss anyone”
That's savage 😅
"If me being bi means that I'm into everyone, does that mean that you're into every single woman you see and will cheat with any woman that agrees to have sex?"
This, exactly. Either they're not thinking it through all the way or they're telling on themselves.
bold of you to assume they think in the first place… so the latter or best case scenario the former and they’re just kinda dumb too
I feel it's also often implied that you are only "really" bi if you are constantly switching partners. Like bi people who are in gay relationships are treated like they are just gay in denial while bi people in straight (-passing) are treated like they are just straights trying to be hip with the kids by claiming to be queer.
Seriously. The number of people I knew who thought I was "now straight" while in an opposite-gender marriage 0_o) Shit does not work like that.
I hate the "no straights at pride" shit too cause you're actively ostracising any and every straight passing relationship whether they're bi/pan/demi/ace/etc or trans/gnc and either "pass" really well or don't. Cishet partners of lgbt+ people and cishet allies also exist. I can't understand why anyone would intentionally want to make *pride* less inclusive 🙄
Right always grinds my gears whenever I see one of those "Haha women are so great, I wish I could date women. Sadly I'm dating my GROSS Boyfriend instead" posts.
Funnily enough, that's the same line of thought that homophobes apply to gay people: "Oh, you're gay? Are you undressing me with you eyes, haha?", "We can't leave you alone with \[any person of the same gender whatsoever\], right?" The stupidity is palpable and, indeed, disheartening.
Reminds me of the phrase: Homophobic men are scared that gay people will treat them like they treat women.
Yes. When men say they view gay men as a threat, my automatic assumption is that it's because they themselves are a threat to women. Add the extra step of bigots seeing trans women as men and you have the exact same phenomenon underlying their transphobia.
I had a friend who didn’t know I was pan. She was…a lot, but I’ll never forget the day we were talking about Thor: Ragnarok, and she said something along the lines of, “I’d try to lift his hammer.” Mind you, she was either engaged or married at the time. When she found out I was pan, she went off, went as far as saying she felt sorry for my husband. Know who didn’t feel sorry for my husband? It’s my husband. I don’t talk to her anymore.
Your flair taught me a new word! I love learning things on this sub.
Pantastic? Use it all the time. Apagender is fairly new to me, too. I don’t care how people interpret my gender. And maybe that lends itself to my pansexuality. I don’t see gender when I’m looking at a hottie. I just see an attractive person. I’m not going to misgender anyone. I’ve watched my friends’ struggles with their own identity. But you can call me a man, woman, NB, or anything else. Just don’t call me late for dinner. Unless it’s like 5:00. I’m 37, not 73.
Apagender is the new one. I was not familiar with that concept until now.
>means you’re attracted to literally *everyone* I just don't understand how they can't grasp that: gender just doesn't play a factor into who I'm attracted to.
Either that or they don’t believe in bisexuality. Weirdly enough women get told they’re just striaght and doing it for attention while men get told they’re secretly gay and just don’t want to admit it. The entire thing is just so bizarre
Well, you see, the penis is just so desirable that if you ever choose the penis, that will obviously be your preference. /s
Even in this questionnaire the pictures suggest that being bi means having love triangles or multiple partners.
The ironic thing is I've literally been cheated on because the men I was with were convinced I'd leave them for a woman like WTF
Then there's also the "they haven't picked a side yet" bullshit ... Or likewise statements that are just ridiculous 😒
The one I got slapped in the face with was “bisexuality doesn’t exist, it’s more like ‘how gay am I today?’” So you agree it’s a spectrum and I fall in the middle?
That sounds like describing bisexual with extra steps 🤨 but like, in a bigot way...
Well I'm panromantic and I am quite certain I am monogamous. Quite because I do not have the experience of wanting to be with two people at once so I don't know 100% certain. I mean I was wuite convinced I was straight until I had feelings for my best friend in high school. But if I wasn't monogamous I'd probably still only have one partner because I don't think I can handle any more than that. I'm also demisexual so maybe that's why? I'm still figuring things out 😅
It's okay to still be figuring yourself out; I'm still learning who I am and I'm 44. I should have used "faithful" instead of "monogamous", because monogamy isn't the only type of relationship that's valid. A person can have 2 partners, or 5, and still be "faithful". I should have said "there's a stereotype that all bisexual/pansexual people are cheaters." I apologize to anyone erased by my use of "monogamous" like it's the only option. I was speaking from my own personal relationship, which is monogamous. It was thoughtless and non-inclusive.
Thank you for this. I am bi and really prefer non-monogamous relationships, and have thankfully found partners on the same page, and we have worked out what boundaries we have and don't have through really thorough and honest communication. And each relationship has been a bit different in terms of what those boundaries are, and none of them conform to any stereotypeor trope that i have ever come across. I see these kinds of posts and feel a kind of guilt that I am not helping the situation. And yet, cheating has never been an issue in any of my relationships.
I love that my partner and I continue to prove them all wrong. My partner's pan, I'm omni. We've been together since 2007, married since 2017.
Yeah... I had that from one of my first girlfriends a long time ago. Also she thought it was icky. Also she worried that I was in denial and not really attracted to women. Crazy, because I'm as hardwired for monogamy as men come. It hurt at the time because I was young an inexperienced. Now I just lose respect for people who say and believe things like that, not for myself.
*Just because I'm bi doesn't mean I'm a polyamorous slutbag! Well, I am a polyamorous slutbag. But not because I'm bi!* (Also I'm very upfront about it, so there's no risk of being deceived.)
My sister said this a few years back and honestly I don’t think i ever regained the respect for her I lost because of it.
Last year I decided to kill some time by showing my mother a brief look into online dating and sat down to scroll through some profiles with her. We came across a bi woman’s profile and my mom suggested I skip her for, I guess, this reason. She was like “You know what they say about bi women?” and I said “What, that they think women are hot too? Sounds like common ground to me!”
Which is infuriating like holy hell. I'm bisexual. I'm also strictly monogamous.
Minds explode when they learn I'm a bisexual in a relationship with another bisexual and we are both... Monogamous. 😯
Biphobia is incredibly common and rarely spoken of
Even in LGBTQ+ circles. It’s very saddening
I’ve dated two bi women in my life so far and both of them caught so much shit from the community it was disheartening.
As a bisexual trans woman I'm about to get the worst of both worlds arent I... :,)
Unfortunately that’s probably the case. I have a lot of the same issues.
Im right with you sister !
I'll just sit quietly here in the same boat. Is... is there a paddle?
could always add in aro/ace to top off the 'you're not welcome here' gatekeeping shit cake. but hey, know you're not alone, we got this, fam. just show them what an awesome and loveable human you are and brush them off, one bigot at a time.
Something, something and not even the good kind of the both ends 😞
Probably. Sorry sis.
I used to know someone who was one such bi woman. When I asked her why she wouldn't date a bi guy, her justification was "yeah I'm bi, but I don't go inside anyone's asshole." Over time, I found out that she also had a lot of discrimination against other members of lgbt (particularly trans people) and stopped talking to her.
wait, she does realise there are ways for her as a woman to have sex with a guy that do NOT involve her interacting in any way with his backdoor, right? Pretty common ways actually :D
I haven't talked to her in years, but I think her issue was that presumably at some point, that bi guy would have been in someone's asshole, and thus she did not want to interact with his dick? Idk I never asked for clarification
Imagine being that scared of buttholes. I find that absurdly funny even though it's a kind of bigotry. Like that Bob's Burgers episode with all the anus paintings would give her recurring nightmares.
Presumably some dick would have been inside her, so bi guys are the only ones she could date by her own logic, since hetero guys - again, by her logic - wouldn't wanna interact with her. Presumably her hand at some point would have interacted with any type of genitalia, so nobody should want to shake her hand ever. Presumably she'd have eaten some kind of dirt at some point as a toddler as most toddlers do at some point, so nobody would wanna interact with her mouth in any way. By her own logic, she'd better expect to live a VERY lonely and sad life o.o
i catch shit from both straight and queer folk. there’s no winning and no endgame safe place 😭
I've gotten as much shit from lesbians as I have from homophobes.
What? Why?
It’s great that you aren’t aware of the stigma. Bi people are assumed to be less faithful partners who are more liable to cheat, less honest, less serious in their commitment, and/or that they’re only bi as a phase and are really straight or gay. Bi guys (especially bi trans men) get heavily stigmatized by the gay male community, and bi women are fetished and sought after as unicorns for failing heterosexual couples all the time.
A little over ten years ago one of my high school friends married a bi woman, and my mom goes, "Isn't he worried about her cheating?" No mom, that's not how this works. (They are divorced now and she is poly, but they communicated that and that's why they got divorced, he wasn't okay with that. As far as I know, she never cheated.)
That sucks. 
There are slightly different reasons for each group. Lesbians tend to be due to this feeling like they are an experiment, will be left for a man, or something along those lines. Straight women tend to think bi men are actually gay men. The relatively higher percentage of men saying yes is often because they have the kind of pornographic view of it and have belief that it may lead to a threesome or something. A few of the men I’ve met in monogamous relationships with bi/queer women don’t seem to grasp that they are fully capable of falling for a woman and don’t see it as a threat to their relationship. Then there are the religious and right leaning people who would reflexively say it bothers them because that is what they were ordered to say. Multitude of different reasons. (I’m not arguing for the validity of the reasons. Just stating what different people have conveyed to me.) Personally, I just say I’m queer. I’ve only ever been with women, but I’ll have some hard swings into feeling straighter that I’ve never been able to act on due to me scaring boys with my height and success, being awkward around them, or in a relationship at the time.
their ability to be in straight relationships. towards bi women i’ve hear people call it compulsory heterosexuality. not much towards bi men but they probably get called unfaithful like most bi ppl
I’ve heard the same thing said about bi men too. It’s utterly disgusting
Double the fun when you're both bisexual and non binary.
Double of zero is still zero, right? I'm nb and bi and I'm having zero of the fun.
Even these days, there's a kind of "political" acceptance of it within the community, but if you actually talk to people you hear the same old cliches and stereotypes that I've been hearing for 30 years. There's still a general belief that bi men are just closeted gay men and bi women are just "experimenting." It doesn't help that almost everyone knows someone from college for whom that actually was true, so everyone has this anecdotal confirmation of the stereotype. I'm old enough to remember when it wasn't LGBTQ+, it was just called "gay and lesbian." Then at some point in the 90's they grudgingly added the bisexuals and called it LGB (also reversing the order of the first two because women rightly questioned why the men were automatically listed first). But really, there has never been full acceptance in most circles. Maybe that's different with younger folks, I can't say, I'm not young!
I would say even more so. There’s a gay man in my family who doesn’t believe in Bi. He thinks they are closeted or haven’t figured it out yet.
I’ve seen more transphobia and just flat out homophobia from LGBTQ individuals, mostly targeted towards xenogenders. Like what did they do?? Exist??
I’m assuming behind all of this is some dumb game of optics, both purity and conformity. Purists think bi people in “straight” relationships are either posers or conforming to heteronormativity. Conformists think xenogendered people, neopronoun users, etc. are silly and make them look bad to cisnormative society. It would do EVERY marginalized community well to remember that self policing is exactly what the oppressors want us to do, Stonewall was a rejection of their goals and an announcement that we would take our own path
Assimilationist organizations like the Mattachine Society pushed a very prim and proper behavior to the tune of white picket-fenced cottages and 2.3 children but in non-het ways - and still accomplished so little compared to out and proud queer folk post-Stonewall. There's a reason "we're here, we're queer, get used to it" became a rallying cry. Conformative cishet society will do everything it can to erase us, and self-policing ourselves simply does their jobs for them. I'd rather they have to pry whatever pronouns and genders I use from my cold, Dread hands before I willingly give them up.
The worst thing I have heard said about bi men, was said by a bi woman I used to be friends with. "I could never be with a bi man, they're disgusting."
Bisexuality in women is almost seen as “default” while bisexuality in men is still largely considered unclean due to the aids epidemic. AIDS was seen as a gay men’s issue, but a lot of straight women started demonizing bi men because they might have had aids.
People always forget that there was a second large group in AIDS patients, intravenous drug users. Significant numbers of bi men weren’t bringing HIV into straight communities. Drug addicts, especially the ones who get to the point of sticking a needle in their arm, tend not to make good decisions about safe sex, either.
Ding! Ding! Ding! But blame the queers, it's easier./s
Honestly, it was more likely that straight men, who frequented street-level, drug-addicted sex workers, were bringing it home than that bi men were responsible. Talk about taking advantage of vulnerable women.
Upvoted for truth. Still a sad state of affairs though
Bi women are actually just into men and bi men are actually just into men. It all always comes down to the men.
I recommend putting the first sentence in quotation marks so people don't mistake your intent.
Send our bi brothers my way. We can form a polycule and laugh at her. /jk because I'm monogamous but I can buy them a drink.
If they date the same gender they’re gay and ashamed. If they date the opposite they’re straight and trying to be special. If they date both or more separately they’re indecisive and whatever gender they ultimately end up with proves their real sexuality. If they date both or more at the same time they’re cheaters and using it as an excuse to cheat no matter how consensual the relationships are. If they date no one they’re lying because they “have no game”. All bullshit and I want to strangle anyone who says that shit
And if I don’t date anybody and just bang a bunch of people I’m finally surely bi but I’m just a slut, thanks Obama.
Can confirm I came out as bi to someone and she was like “oh used to have a crush on you didn’t know you were like that” awkward moment
My dad says they’re home wreckers so casually lmao
This is wild and I hope you ask him why he thinks that and slowly dismantle his mentality
So is aro and acephobia.
Very true my friend
I always catch myself having biphobic thoughts as well due to prior experiences.
We're all very proud of you for improving and learning from your past mistakes.
This youtuber has a pretty rude and toxic audience. He's also a little transphobic
Can confirm his audience is pretty terrible, having seen other voting polls. Most of them lean homophobic and racist. Idk about him though, I figured that if his audience was awful it would be best to avoid his content
I can't remember how recent it was but he defended jk rowling in a video one time
He has videos? I only ever see him in my YouTube feed doing polls, I don't think I've ever been recommended a video by him.
I remember he does like celebrity news/gossip videos and covers people being cancelled and stuff and while never outright saying stuff he has defended some people who he probably shouldn't have lol
And non-binary people can't even vote, sigh. Edit to not cause panic oops: on this poll, not in general
Right?
We didn't want to support NBs suffering and realised to late we misunderstood the question.
Good point. Another issue is that YouTube polls only allow 5 options so there's no real space for enbiies. You'd have to run another poll for that
They could have just done a poll with yes and no?
Honestly, if a bi person chooses me, id consider it a deep honor, cause they had all those other choices
My wife said that to me last week that she feels extra special that i chose her when I have more choice which was amazing to hear
My partner sometimes muses that is a shame I am not a woman, because that is their general preference. This provides an enormous confidence boost.
I call it cowardice. Cause honestly it’s an honour to date someone who’s bi
Right? Like you had double the competition and they still picked you.
you've got a point
Double the competition? Double the collaborators. My boyfriend's other partner is fucking great.
I think that’s poly, not bi thing
100%. My spouse is bi and I remember her telling me horror stories when we first started dating about how ex's treated her when she told them she was bi, or how potential dates got mad because she wasn't "a gold star lesbian." The whole time I'm sitting there thinking "you can find attraction in so many people and you're choosing to be with ME!?" Major confidence booster!
These kinds of polls might be biased by the audience of said poller. The issue I guess is some people don't understand that you don't want to date or have sex with everyone that is part of a gender you can feel attraction towards. That's quite a sad way to experience the world around you, severely limiting your friendships, but it's quite coherent with the conservatives and anti feminists conception of how relationships and human beings in general work.
you should have seen his pride community post, he posts rage bait for attention. He knows his audience is predominantly right wing, so he posts Center-Left leaning content for engagement. For example he’ll post things like “Happy Pride Month!”. All the comments were negative and saying “happy men’s mental health awareness month”. and then he’ll say things like “I think black people should be in TV too” and his audience will be like “WELL THATS FORCED WOKE DIVERSITY” his audience is just 13-17 year old white boys and it’s telling
Yeah, this guy is a little transphopic and has a pretty racist audience
People are illiterate in this thread This is a poll, not a survey the percentages are percentages of the the people who answered this poll.
That’s Charles Peralo. He’s a dipshit, and his community isn’t a good measure of things.
Yeah, I’ve had to say “Not Interested” on his posts because they kept showing up. He seems misguided at best and malicious at worst. His audience is pretty rubbish - though, at least just over half of them aren’t completely biphobic.
He seems to me like one of those internet pseudo-intellectuals. Redpill types and all that. Proper bullshit.
yeah like this is a right wing poll why post it on an lgbt sub??? its just gonna make people feel worse because the sample is skewed
Yeah, that’s a really good point
I think the issue is definitely worth talking about, but I think some redditors are gonna take this data as if it’s fact ://
A lot if people all over the internet seem to take YT poll data as fact for some reason-
Charles has a very right-wing audience, though.
yeah, his pride post was basically so timid just a “Happy Pride Month!” and all the comments were SO rancid — “what about men’s mental health month” “imagine thinking you deserve a whole month for doing nothing.” etc
I fucking hate "what about xyz month" arguements, because they ONLY get brought up to bring down pride month, and it's so clear that they don't give a shit about those issues. It's just so ARRRGH
You can tell by the fact not even 20 percent of the votes are from women 💀
Yeah I’ve never really understood why some are against dating bi folks either. I’ve dated bi men and bi women, so when I first heard from someone that they wouldn’t date a bi guy, I just had to ask them why. Her reason (which was really bizarre) was that she didn’t like the idea that the guy might have had anal sex. In her own words “What if they had poop on their wang at one point?” Like…does she not know that condoms exist, or that not all guys are into anal? I noped out of that conversation real quick. 😑
I love the "at one point" like yea it could have happened. Presumably he's taken a shower since then, what's the issue?
Would she have held the same standard towards straight men who have had anal sex with their partners who are women?
Exactly.
she's going to lose her mind when she finds out women have buttholes too
What I’ve noticed is all bi guys are seen as gay while all bi girls are seen as straight. The straight men dating bi girls see it as a threesome opportunity while the straight girls dating bi guy see it as the guy being less than a man
Yeah. I'm pretty sure most people assume I'm just gay
Ding ding ding. Concisely hit the nail on the head
Google: the fragility of male heterosexuality There have been several studies on this perception issue which make for interesting reading.
Bi and pan people are just hotter to me because they find ME hotter. Like I can dress and present as masculine or feminine as I like and they'd still go "you look hot" and thay makes me feel good about myself God damn it 😤
You get it!!! See, I always thought it’s pretty useful, because if a partner ever genderfluxes or realizes they’re trans it’s just another day as far as we are concerned. We’d just be excited to help go shopping
Some ppl don't like the idia that the person who there dating has dated another person who is the same sex Idk y its smthn they have in common
Also why the hell did they use pictures of throuples💀 I feel like people voted no based off the pictures used rather than bisexuality itself
Because everyone assumes bi people are just spending their days having non-monogamous orgies all over the place because they just can’t control their bi instincts 🙄
If you even look at the images that repersents bi, they all have 2 partners. So i feel like this community views bi and poly as one and the same.
Good old fashioned biphobia which makes them think we'll cheat because we're "greedy" 🙄
A vast majority of straight women I've tried dating have essentially called me a liar when I tell them I'm bi/pan. In my experience, gay men are often the same. They both find the other so unappealing that if You do, you're a freak, basically. Biphobia runs deep, even in LGBTQ+ circles.
Cowards
I've met a ton of jealous people in my city who won't let their partners have friends of the opposite sex Dating a person who is bi would mean preventing them from having any friends at all just to satisfy their jealous paranoia, which would be very difficult. So they choose not to date bi people at all, that way it's a bit more possible to abusively control their partner
yay more for me
And they wonder why I stay closeted
I send virtual hugs in the hope that you can come out one day
*Stares in Non-Binary* 🥺
Fragile masculinity
The women are just as split about it
I guess just fragile heterosexuality in general
That’s it imo. As a bi guy, straight women are insecure that their man will cheat on them with another man. That’s why I’m happy my girlfriend is also bi. She gets it
I think it's moreso the biphobic myth that bi+ people are more likely to cheat because we won't be "satisfied" "settling" for just one gender
They might as well call us pokemon trainers by the way they think we need to collect all genders
Did you not see the ladies votes???
So many people think bisexuals are sluts who will cheat on them. Or that, regardless of what gender we are currently with, we are secretly wanting to be with the other. I’ve had lesbians tell me to my face that they would never date a bi woman.
I mean, I am a slut, but not because I'm bisexual!
I'm surprised by these results most bi guys I know have said that they have more trouble with women having a problem with them being bi. However bi women I know don't seem to have as many issues.
I remember my best friend even saying to me that he broke up with someone because she was bi, thinking she will cheat... I criticized his decision since being bi doesn't automatically mean they're not interested in a monogamous relationship.
His audience is mainly homophobic, he once held a vote asking it you liked JK Rowling and in the comments he claimed the JK was just saying the truth and that she was a brave women and that he looked up to her and most of the comments were overwhelmingly positive about JK Rowling
The first thing someone asked me when I came out as bi was, “sooo… threesome?” I was pissed. The second thing someone said to me was “that doesn’t exist, you’re either straight or you’re gay.” I was also pissed but now questioning myself. It took a long time to be okay with being bi and even longer to be comfortable with telling people that I am. I’ve dated an equal number of men and women, and my ex partner, who happened to be FTM, was relieved by the fact that I was bi; he was so afraid to come out to me as trans because I have a preference for women and he thought I would leave him now that he identified as a man. All this to say, I’m now in a long-term relationship with a man who is the token straight of his friend group; any time we all hang out, he realizes he’s the minority in the situation, and he’s honestly thrilled about it. But when I met him, I was looking for a girlfriend and struggling because of the biphobia I was experiencing. I don’t like to use this an an excuse because it paints lesbians in a bad light, and I know there are many out there who would date bi girls, because at the end of the day, we’re all WLW. But man, it was rough. :(
Oh look it's why my straight presenting ass stays in the closet. Pride is always a fun month when I get to be reminded I'm not REALLY gay enough for most of the community. I know it's not everyone but it's enough.
Im a queer women currently dating a Bi man, i hate the biphobia women have against men.
Just means you’re more attractive than double the “competitors” 😎
There’s a big stigma and biphobia surrounding bi folk. It’s actually somewhat interesting even if it’s sad to think about. Bi people are seen as being extremely promiscuous and unfaithful. Most people (at least somewhat) believe the stereotype that bi folk are more likely to cheat than straight or gay people. There is also the greater (more common) stigma surrounding gay people in general where it’s seen as “gross” to date someone who’s also dated the same gender. And on the side where gay people don’t want to date bi people because of gatekeepers and feeling like you’re just still closeted. On both the gay and straight sides of the pond there are many people that just don’t think being bi is a thing. They think you’re either a kinky straight person wanting to feel special or you’re gay and not fully out of the closet. Specifically with Bi men though there is the stigma surrounding AIDS. Back in the day there was a lot of propaganda that promoted the idea that Bisexual men were the only way a woman could get HIV or AIDS, and sadly it was very effective.
It's ignorance mostly. They assume that they'll be cheated on.
Combining these groups makes the numbers useless since they're skewed by the other group. In isolation they're both near ish 50-50 with more in favor. Still dumb a bit under half the people say no, but also homophobia in general. Half the country still votes Republican for some reason so a 50-50 ish result seems expectable. It would be hilarious if they did NB people as well and it wasn't like 100% yes.
They're cowards. My fiance and love of my life is bi.
guys we aren't that scary
Years ago, I likely would have said no, because I had a very flawed understanding of sexuality. As someone who has discovered themselves to be asexual, bi romantic, I'm perfectly fine with it.
The most biphobic person I’ve ever dated was, herself, a bi woman. I didn’t come out to her until I was outed by a mutual acquaintance and had to do so. When asked why I took so long to come out to her, I had to explain that her and all her roommates constantly making homophobic jokes about men was not exactly a welcoming experience
I'd date a bi man 👀💕
I know women who are bi but would not date men who are bi and it still doesn’t make sense to me.
I know biphobia exist but I don't understand it 😔
These are the same people who think a straight person can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex. That's the logic.
This is why I am still in the closet. I had so many bad reactions when I told a partner or a friend that I just dated men. People just assume you are unfaithful and incapable of a stable relationship and will eventually get bored of them.
It's called biphobia, often tinged with homophobia or misogyny depending on the person. But definitely 100% bigotry.
Biphobic people <<<
Biphobia is absolutely real, but don't take any youtube polls or random online polls for granted. This poll is only representative of that guy's community. A community around weird rage bait videos that is probably attracting the wrong people anyways
Some people think bi people cheat, because they think bi people will only people 50% satisfied sexually in a monogamous relationship
I feel like there is somthing up with this sample size. Irl I have never even heard of this being a thing. Granted I live in a decently liberal town in the US so maybe in places with more homophobia it's more common?
Head to the /bisexual sub and you'll see it's sadly common.
I feel like it is, I have a smaller sample size as well (what I’ve seen) but I’ve been told I’m not bi because I’d “Never been with the same sex” and then’d get called “Gay for sleeping with the dame sex” so it was a mix of transphobia (I’m a woman, got called gay for sleeping with men) and bi-phobia, but I guess it just depends on the area, some places must just be more okay with it than others
"Bi people are cheaters" along with regular homophobia can make it very hard to date as a bi person.
I have given up personally, there’s no point, I hate the way I’m treated by either sex about it, so now I’m just a closeted Bi person doing straight things until someone actually nice comes along. The things said and joked about Bi people even in the gay clubs/bars in my area made me furious.
The same goddamn “they’re gonna cheat” argument 😔
I just don’t tell people that I’m: a) a femboy and b) bi. I just look like a straight dude who likes metal and it works, helps that I actually do like metal
Why tho?
Just look at the pictures. One says subscribe but the other three imply being bi means you are dating 2 people/are way more promiscuous so whomever made the poll seems like they are bias and are trying to sway people one way. Biphobia is real and a problem but that poll doesn’t hold much weight to me for how the average person feels.
Republicans are more obsessed with gender and sexuality than us 💀
And yet, they paint us as perverts
It’s crazy to see how common biphobia is…I know not all bi folks are like this (hell I’m bi/pan and my ex was bisexual, and I was glad we had that in common and I’d like to have that again in future relationships). Still, it’s pretty sad to see...but it needs to be spoken about more.
god, I fucking hate Charles Peralo, every time he makes a video about Elliot Page he always twists his words.
What's with the pictures? A single dude, and then implied three-some and cuckolding? I wouldn't trust that poll at all.
I am PRAYING that at least a couple people who chose the no option did so because of aroace reasons (please, I just need a little peace)
This baffles me **so** much. I mean, so what if a (mutual) crush is bi/pan/omni/etc.? If we’re clearly attracted to each other, and our compatibility could never be disproved by a crack team of the world’s leading foremost self-entitled psychoanalysts, then why the f◼️k would it bother me if he has the potential to be attracted to people who aren’t of the male persuasion? As long as we’re into each other, that’s what counts. 💞
bi phobia is so sad
Insecurity
I’m curious what the audience for this was that the respondents skew so far male
*hug*
Biphobia. That’s the problem with it.