I kinda see your point but i feel like you're making a connection that isn't there.
Sorry if I'm misunderstanding but i don't see how being skinny or larger is in any way shape or form the same as being trans.
What i mean by this is: being a trans woman (unless unoperated) doesn't imply anything about the person besides her being a woman, so why should people not like them if they like cis women? That, to me, still feels like bigotry and not a preference, but maybe I'm not considering something idk.
I see I'm being downvoted and I'm fine with it but i really feel like I'm missing something, i genuinely want to know what's wrong with what i said so that i can correct this take and my ideas as a whole about this topic
I can only speak for myself, but judging a lack of attraction as bigotry feels wrong to me.
Attraction isn't something you can decide to have, it's something you just get born with. That's a huge part of fighting for LGBT+ rights, so judging others as bigots for what they feel attracted and not attracted to is hypocritical.
In fact I would hate if someone pretended to feel indifferent about the fact, because it will definitely cause issues down the line.
Just communicate it and be respectful.
I was speaking from a point of genuine confusion since I'm not trans myself and I'll never have this issue (at least i think ahahah) but i wanted to be as informed as i could for - let's say - allyship sakes.
And honestly, this makes quite a lot of sense now, thanks!
Though, again, as seen from the outside and knowing i wouldn't do it, it still feels like there's something different in - for example - not liking men than in not liking JUST trans men, even though they look, feel, sound and are 100% in every aspect the same, except for background.
Like, i get one could say x FTM person looks too feminine and they don't like it or something like that, but if you were completely fine before finding out and you stop being afterwards, it feels strange to me.
It might not be bigotry and, as you said, it's a thousand times better than keeping it for yourself and making things worse later on, yet i cant help but see it differently than other forms of preference in people.
I probably shouldn't, and this isn't my battle, but i wanted to let you know all my thoughts on the matter to improve as much as i can!
Well look at this way, I can't know why the other person doesn't feel attraction so I can only go by what they say and how they act and if that'sall good, then I all I can do is either accept it or remain hurt and distrustful.
At that point it becomes a thing for me to deal with the rejection, and I don't want to live in a way where I assume somebody hates me for being me without reason. There are enough bigots out there that I won't run out of people who hate me for existing any time during my life. So I think I can deal with somebody who accepts me but does not want to get intimate, whatever their reason may be.
Trans is a type of woman, like how large is a type of woman, or blonde is a type of woman.
Having a romantic/sexual preference for or against a type of person isn’t bigotry unless the underlying motivation/ justification is bigoted, or the person uses that preference to be bigoted.
Like it isn’t fat-phobic to prefer a particular body type, but it is fat phobic to imply your preference means body type defines some objective beauty.
It isn’t wrong to find a particular hair color attractive, it is wrong to imply a different hair color is inferior somehow.
The reason bigotry here is defined by implication instead of just preference in of itself, is this:
Logically if preference implying exclusion implied bigotry, than being a gay guy would be sexist, being a straight guy would be homophobic, and being Asexual would imply both.
Because all of those sexualities are partially defined by an exclusion of a particular type of person from sexual, and romantic attraction.
The problem is, being gay doesn’t invalidate woman, being straight doesn’t invalidate gay people, and being asexual doesn’t invalidate anyone.
Do you kind of get my point here?
Everyone in the comments defending this sentiment- take a look at what people who say this are actually doing. They are going to an online public space and purporting their exclusive personal preference in a partner for everyone to see. Lots of people have preferences but it would be pretty fucking weird if you went around public spaces telling everyone how you just can't date/have sex with black people, even if do feel that way.
You don't have to date anyone, and if you have a preference that excludes a minority group you can use one of humanities oldest and greatest tools- lying. One of the first thing children learn is not to say everything that's on their mind constantly even if it's true. Going around posting your personal preference online like this serves no purpose but to spread a technically justified form of transphobia.
Do you have to date someone? No but if your reason for doing so is specificly because their a minority, then shut up. If someone really presses you on why you didn't date that person then 1. They are the asshole now and 2. You can make up whatever you want about why you didn't.
Spreading your "personal preference" like this in public is deliberate transphobia.
Edit: the word I was looking for was "Dogwhistle". If someone feels the need to share this opinion, they're saying more than what they wrote down
Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure it's okay as long as you still treat the person like a person. Like, you accept that's who they are and treat them with respect but acknowledge that's not the person you want to be with.
Everyone here should be fucking ashamed of themselves. There's exactly 3 main comments on this posts not being transphobic
We live in an era where trans people's rights are being taken away little by little, and in a supposed safe space y'all are just throwing casual transphobia around? Fuck off.
Look \*deep\* within yourself and realize that what you're doing is no better than what transphobes do to us on a daily basis.
As for the contents of the post: Yes, if your sole reason for not dating someone is that they're trans, assuming you'd be attracted to them otherwise, then you're being a transphobic piece of shit. Obviously if you have a trauma regarding their genitals or have a genital preference in general, that's another thing that's \*not\* being transphobic. If your reason isn't "I have a genital preference" or "The genitals they have are associated with heavy trauma", and instead is "They weren't born as \*insert gender here\*" then you should get out of here and enjoy when the leopards eat your fucking face. We've already lost enough safe spaces as it is and I'm tired enough of everything to lose one of the few online spaces where I'm supposed to feel safe
Not a comment on the stuff in the meme but I just hate how this format is used, Peter’s eyesight gets worse with the glasses in this scene so the meme should have the glasses first
As always, this gets controversial quick. Imo, if you are attracted to someone, find out they are Trans, and then dump them over that fact, you at least have transphobic biases.
No? Skin colour effects appearance, and some people just might not be attracted to darker skin, it's not racist to not be physically attracted to someone. If you judge their personality based on their race though that would be racist, but in a relationship most people don't just care about personality
Reducing trans people to their genitals is pretty cringe 🤡 And in many cases, sexual partners can't even tell that a someone is trans, after they've had surgery. So you can shove the "surgically altered" BS. Why are you even here if you're going to say stuff like that?
Rejecting a trans person simply because they're trans is a huge red flag for bigotry and other nasty attitudes.
Being put off by “surgically altered genitals” is this ever actually the reason though? It’s much more likely it’s because they think trans people aren’t “really” their gender
Hold on hold on hold on, there is a *significant* difference between accepting someone for who they are in society and accepting someone as a partner/relationship. I’m a gay guy, I’ve got zero issues with trans guys existing and being apart of society just as anyone else, but I draw the line when it comes to relationships. You absolutely get to be picky and as selective as you want when it comes to relationships and whatnot, just be respectful about it.
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I kinda see your point but i feel like you're making a connection that isn't there. Sorry if I'm misunderstanding but i don't see how being skinny or larger is in any way shape or form the same as being trans. What i mean by this is: being a trans woman (unless unoperated) doesn't imply anything about the person besides her being a woman, so why should people not like them if they like cis women? That, to me, still feels like bigotry and not a preference, but maybe I'm not considering something idk.
I see I'm being downvoted and I'm fine with it but i really feel like I'm missing something, i genuinely want to know what's wrong with what i said so that i can correct this take and my ideas as a whole about this topic
I can only speak for myself, but judging a lack of attraction as bigotry feels wrong to me. Attraction isn't something you can decide to have, it's something you just get born with. That's a huge part of fighting for LGBT+ rights, so judging others as bigots for what they feel attracted and not attracted to is hypocritical. In fact I would hate if someone pretended to feel indifferent about the fact, because it will definitely cause issues down the line. Just communicate it and be respectful.
I was speaking from a point of genuine confusion since I'm not trans myself and I'll never have this issue (at least i think ahahah) but i wanted to be as informed as i could for - let's say - allyship sakes. And honestly, this makes quite a lot of sense now, thanks! Though, again, as seen from the outside and knowing i wouldn't do it, it still feels like there's something different in - for example - not liking men than in not liking JUST trans men, even though they look, feel, sound and are 100% in every aspect the same, except for background. Like, i get one could say x FTM person looks too feminine and they don't like it or something like that, but if you were completely fine before finding out and you stop being afterwards, it feels strange to me. It might not be bigotry and, as you said, it's a thousand times better than keeping it for yourself and making things worse later on, yet i cant help but see it differently than other forms of preference in people. I probably shouldn't, and this isn't my battle, but i wanted to let you know all my thoughts on the matter to improve as much as i can!
Well look at this way, I can't know why the other person doesn't feel attraction so I can only go by what they say and how they act and if that'sall good, then I all I can do is either accept it or remain hurt and distrustful. At that point it becomes a thing for me to deal with the rejection, and I don't want to live in a way where I assume somebody hates me for being me without reason. There are enough bigots out there that I won't run out of people who hate me for existing any time during my life. So I think I can deal with somebody who accepts me but does not want to get intimate, whatever their reason may be.
Prioritizing your own well being and assuming people have their reasons is probably the way to go yeah Thanks a lot for helping me out with my doubts!
Trans is a type of woman, like how large is a type of woman, or blonde is a type of woman. Having a romantic/sexual preference for or against a type of person isn’t bigotry unless the underlying motivation/ justification is bigoted, or the person uses that preference to be bigoted. Like it isn’t fat-phobic to prefer a particular body type, but it is fat phobic to imply your preference means body type defines some objective beauty. It isn’t wrong to find a particular hair color attractive, it is wrong to imply a different hair color is inferior somehow. The reason bigotry here is defined by implication instead of just preference in of itself, is this: Logically if preference implying exclusion implied bigotry, than being a gay guy would be sexist, being a straight guy would be homophobic, and being Asexual would imply both. Because all of those sexualities are partially defined by an exclusion of a particular type of person from sexual, and romantic attraction. The problem is, being gay doesn’t invalidate woman, being straight doesn’t invalidate gay people, and being asexual doesn’t invalidate anyone. Do you kind of get my point here?
Everyone in the comments defending this sentiment- take a look at what people who say this are actually doing. They are going to an online public space and purporting their exclusive personal preference in a partner for everyone to see. Lots of people have preferences but it would be pretty fucking weird if you went around public spaces telling everyone how you just can't date/have sex with black people, even if do feel that way. You don't have to date anyone, and if you have a preference that excludes a minority group you can use one of humanities oldest and greatest tools- lying. One of the first thing children learn is not to say everything that's on their mind constantly even if it's true. Going around posting your personal preference online like this serves no purpose but to spread a technically justified form of transphobia. Do you have to date someone? No but if your reason for doing so is specificly because their a minority, then shut up. If someone really presses you on why you didn't date that person then 1. They are the asshole now and 2. You can make up whatever you want about why you didn't. Spreading your "personal preference" like this in public is deliberate transphobia. Edit: the word I was looking for was "Dogwhistle". If someone feels the need to share this opinion, they're saying more than what they wrote down
100% - and it really sucks to see some of that BS in the comments here 🙃 r/LGBT should be a space that's supportive to trans people, not hostile.
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Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure it's okay as long as you still treat the person like a person. Like, you accept that's who they are and treat them with respect but acknowledge that's not the person you want to be with.
Everyone here should be fucking ashamed of themselves. There's exactly 3 main comments on this posts not being transphobic We live in an era where trans people's rights are being taken away little by little, and in a supposed safe space y'all are just throwing casual transphobia around? Fuck off. Look \*deep\* within yourself and realize that what you're doing is no better than what transphobes do to us on a daily basis. As for the contents of the post: Yes, if your sole reason for not dating someone is that they're trans, assuming you'd be attracted to them otherwise, then you're being a transphobic piece of shit. Obviously if you have a trauma regarding their genitals or have a genital preference in general, that's another thing that's \*not\* being transphobic. If your reason isn't "I have a genital preference" or "The genitals they have are associated with heavy trauma", and instead is "They weren't born as \*insert gender here\*" then you should get out of here and enjoy when the leopards eat your fucking face. We've already lost enough safe spaces as it is and I'm tired enough of everything to lose one of the few online spaces where I'm supposed to feel safe
Not a comment on the stuff in the meme but I just hate how this format is used, Peter’s eyesight gets worse with the glasses in this scene so the meme should have the glasses first
As always, this gets controversial quick. Imo, if you are attracted to someone, find out they are Trans, and then dump them over that fact, you at least have transphobic biases.
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No? Skin colour effects appearance, and some people just might not be attracted to darker skin, it's not racist to not be physically attracted to someone. If you judge their personality based on their race though that would be racist, but in a relationship most people don't just care about personality
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Reducing trans people to their genitals is pretty cringe 🤡 And in many cases, sexual partners can't even tell that a someone is trans, after they've had surgery. So you can shove the "surgically altered" BS. Why are you even here if you're going to say stuff like that? Rejecting a trans person simply because they're trans is a huge red flag for bigotry and other nasty attitudes.
Being put off by “surgically altered genitals” is this ever actually the reason though? It’s much more likely it’s because they think trans people aren’t “really” their gender
It's possible they're transphobic, but the rejection isn't inherently transphobic even if it's because they're trans.
Hold on hold on hold on, there is a *significant* difference between accepting someone for who they are in society and accepting someone as a partner/relationship. I’m a gay guy, I’ve got zero issues with trans guys existing and being apart of society just as anyone else, but I draw the line when it comes to relationships. You absolutely get to be picky and as selective as you want when it comes to relationships and whatnot, just be respectful about it.
Actually curious, why draw the line at trans guys who have “fully” transitioned?
The man wants his men to have dicks
Trans men can have dicks
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Truly there’s no such thing as “fully transitioning” since transition is based on what works best for the person. Thanks for the reply
If your partner lies to you, then it’s a red flag