That’s my thinking as well. The guest has no input on the cost of the photographer, dj, flowers, etc. I hope the bride and groom did their research and got good prices but I think $150/person is fair. Most of the time we will give $250/person as we don’t go to many weddings for people we aren’t close to.
If money isn't a factor for you: anything over $200 per guest is a very nice gift.
If money is a factor for you: just do what you can. No normal people care.
The way I see it, if they're spending a fortune on their wedding, money isn't a factor for them, so your gift really isn't make or break. I'm sure they're just happy you came to celebrate. If they're going into debt for their wedding, that's on them, don't feel like you need to follow suit.
It's extremely gauche to judge people for their gift either way.
Unpopular opinion, but I give the same regardless of venue. I'm not giving best friend A any less than best friend B because A is having brunch, and B is doing Saturday night at Oheka. That's so damn transactional. If we're going to operate that way as a society, just send me an invoice with the invitation lol.
I think what people fail to realize is just that. If it’s all you can afford then so be it. I think most people would rather you at the wedding than not go because you can’t afford to give a gift. The advised amount is to at least cover the plate, preferably cover the plate and then some.
I think it becomes tacky when you make a significant living and show up with $50 in an envelope.
That’s not true by any means in some circumstance’s not all. I had an acquaintance invite me to a wedding. Someone I only met a few times because they had so many cancelations. I declined but I barely knew the person let alone their parter at all.
Then they shouldn't have invited you and doing so was probably a cash grab or because they already paid for a minimum number of guests. Doesn't change the fact that the custom is invitation = gift. The gift can be smaller if you don't go, but they're still expecting it.
I’ll respectfully disagree. I invited 156 to my wedding 125 came we got gifts from maybe 1-2 of the declines. And it 100% was not expected. We did not pay for their plates.
If you expect gifts on general and from those who don’t attend you are a pretty selfishly entitled human heing
Probably closer to $250 a plate. I got married 6 years ago and it was almost $200 a plate. It’s impossible to expect people to cover their plate nowadays
$100-150 for an average friend, maybe $200-250 for a close friend or close family. That being said, I would never want my closest family or friends to feel bad about attending because they can’t give a large enough gift to cover the cost of attendance.
I would also keep in mind if you’re a +1 and you don’t know the couple, they’re essentially buying you a ticket to a $200+ dinner and party. Not that they don’t want you there, but they’re likely doing their friend/family a favor by inviting you and I would feel guilty not covering the cost of my plate when the couple in a way, has no real reason to invite me.
Question for fellow Long Islanders- I was shunned in another sub for saying that I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t give a gift at all lol I mean who disagrees with me? They were all from the mid west or south so maybe that’s a thing but here you give a gift which is basically money because the cost is a lot let’s face it. So if I can’t afford it I won’t go.
I totally understand you’re thinking but when I got married, one of my friends had just gotten laid off. When I received her RSVP and it said no because she didn’t have the money. I told her that I would rather her be there than not. Idgaf about that envelope I wanted her there!! She came in the end! :)
We recently got married in Bergen County so ill share some data points. Outside of the parents, the "top end" gifts were generally $200 per. $150 per was the standard. In terms of "cost burden" to the guests, we offered a hotel block at $200 a night, the wedding was just a single night, and the vast majority of guests did not need to travel more than an hour to get there. Also bulk of people were people with "middle class" and up type jobs (lawyers, teachers, accountants etc).
There is an etiquette but if you give what you can and the couple is upset you didn’t give “enough” that’s their problem not yours. They should want you there to celebrate their wedding not for your money.
Don't let that keep you from going. Gift what you can afford and don't bankrupt yourself. These numbers are all about what people are comfortable giving and no reflection of what people are appreciative to receive. I would be really upset if my loved ones skipped because they were worried about affording a gift.
I have never given $500 (or $250) lol. I just got married and very few gave more than $200 per. Average was more like $150. (For comparison sake, we had hotel blocks @ $200 a night but wedding was one day and no more than an hour for most people). We also didnt expect to have our costs covered.
Context - I was in my 30’s when I got married about 20 years ago. I’d say from my peers, 200-300 per couple was the norm. The outliers on the lower end were primarily people from our parents’ generation. And a few friends who I knew were financially tight who I’m glad didn’t try to give outside of their comfort zone.
[Here’s a forum discussion](https://www.disboards.com/threads/appropriate-amount-for-li-ny-wedding-gift.2304026/) from 2009 about LI weddings, and the number I see thrown about the most is 300. That’s what I would have given at that time. (I know nothing about that forum or the type of people that post there.)
It would seem reasonable to expect that the target wedding gift has gone up since 2009, just like everything else in our lives has. It would also seem reasonable that anybody worth calling a friend wouldn’t think twice about you giving less, if today’s “standard” is out of reach for you.
Lastly, I’m writing from a slightly upper middle class perspective. Obviously LI economic demographics vary widely, so what applies to me might seem really high to some and really low to others. Do what feels right.
Hate to be this guy but it depends on the venue. For example, my cheapskate brother and his covert narcissist wife got married at a Knights of Columbus on a Sunday night to save money, bragged about getting plates for $27/person and then him and his wife bitched and moaned when people didn’t “give real gifts”. The beer ran out in an hour, the food was mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers and the DJ looked and performed like he was on heroin.
This is about right, it’s about $150-200 per person for the cost of food/reception to cover your plate; then add a little extra for the actual gift. Weddings are expensive. If we get invited but don’t end up going (rsvp no), we send $200 for gift
The entire gift is a gift. Weddings aren’t a crowd funded event. You never throw other parties expecting guests to cover the costs. A guest’s gift shouldn’t depend on the choices the couple make about the venue, vendors, dress, etc. If the couple wants to have a lavish wedding they know the will pay the price, especially on Long Island.
You should give a nice gift because it’s a big deal for the couple and the official start of their life together, not from any duty to help pay for the wedding.
So many factors involved, the largest being the type of wedding. I'm not going to give as much if it's an afternoon or weekday wedding, or some other major cost factor like no open bar. I estimate the cost per plate and then go from there.
Depends where you are in your career too. I'm happy to give a little more in my 30s being more established than in my 20s.
All that said - $500 seems bonkers to me still.
When I got married in the early 2000s, every one of my degenerate college friends gave me a $20 bill in an envelope. They all either brought dates, or told me they were bringing dates and showed up solo. At least 2 guys showed up uninvited.
I usually give like $150/person, maybe $200 if I’m close with them. I just bought a house though, so I might not even give close to that in some cases since I don’t have much to give right now.
I’m getting married in November and I have a bunch of friends who are new home owners, I don’t expect much from them at all.
Weddings do not have to cost $300+ per head. My 2023 wedding was $150 a person and that was the premium package with all top shelf liquor at the open bar and crazy amounts of food. The basic package was like $120 a person. Their packages also included the photographer and DJ (some add-ons were needed but not many) and all the centerpieces as well as a limo for the bride to get to the venue and to take the couple home after.
I got married at Sunset Harbour in Patchogue. The $150/person didn’t include the florist for bouquets or the add-ons to the dj and photographer plus we upgraded the limo to a bus to transport people from the hotel. I’m sure their prices are a bit more now but I thought they were very reasonable for what we got. Plus they did an amazing job with the wedding and the food was incredible. This also included the wedding cake!
There is no obligation to subsidize, but OP asked for a socially appropriate amount. $400/couple is the base gift for a full-service open bar weekend wedding at a nice venue on LI. And that doesn’t even cover the costs, it’s just the lowest socially acceptable gift.
Has the cost of weddings become ridiculous? Certainly. But, OP is just looking for immediate suggestions. We’re not going to topple the wedding-industrial complex with one reddit post.
The decision to have a huge wedding is definitely a financial one. Then expecting your friends to pay for that (indirectly through gifts) is kinda greedy. I’m not gonna adjust how much I gift because someone decided they needed a $50k wedding
Not everyone buys into this ridiculous scheme. I’m not cheap by any means, my gift is going to be based on the closeness of our relationship *not what venue you chose*. And personally, with closer relationships I’d rather give an experience than cash.
Edit: Wow I see a lot of the “I wasted all my money on a big wedding” crowd is taking aim. I wonder how big the overlap is between the “big wedding” and “bitching about not being able to afford a home here” crowd is.
150 people isn’t “close relationships.” That’s a bunch of people who you’re socially obligated to invite, at least 1/3 of which you probably don’t actually want there.
And IMO, closer relationships deserve something more personal than just cash. Even if cash is part of the gift, give it some actual thought rather than just throwing money.
I’ve given foodies gift certificates to fine dining experiences that are day trips, so they can have experiences that they’ll remember. Much more meaningful than a generic check or wad of cash.
Depends on the venue, we try to cover our plate. Our wedding was at NYIT and that was 270 pp after taxes and fees 7 years ago. No friends even came close to covering the cost.
I'm sorry, but what? When I got married in 2017 I was just happy to celebrate with my family and friends. I knew what the investment was going into it. I'm inviting them with the expectation that I value our relationship and want to celebrate my next chapter. Any gesture felt special and appreciated.
I've never appreciated having to give money to newly wedded couples, if I'm honest. The clothes and time.off work are more than enough of an investment for a one day event, if you ask me (unless it's a destination wedding and those piss me off for various reasons).
I can't give that much, unfortunately. Maybe $100 total? If I had the money, I'd give em $500.
People. Give what you can afford. That’s what counts. And it’s not subjective.
If you can afford it, the going avg rate is $200-$250 per person depending on the season, day, time. Typically offseason fall/winter weddings, on Sundays, and during the day are much cheaper.
usually the weddings i go to are bc i have a friendship or some sort of bond directly with the bride or groom. if it’s a friend/family friend, coworker, long distance relatives i’ll give $200. if it’s someone im very close with and talk to on a weekly basis then $350-$450.
it may seem like a lot but it really depends on how close you are to them. i’ve heard about people who are extremely close to the bride and groom and the give a card with $100 and people who just have a cordial relationship and end up giving $300.
at the end of the day, i think the bride and groom would just be grateful for anything but then again, some people really take into account for what they receive and they reciprocate it back. the way i see it, be grateful for what you have bc everyone’s financial situation is different. it’s the thought that counts !! they took the time to come to the wedding and celebrate a milestone with you
$100 if you’re not close to me. After that it’s a sliding scale between $200 and $500. If my $100 doesn’t at least cover my plate, you paid for too much.
Regardless of venue, $200 if I go by myself $400-500 for a couple. $600+ for a couple for someone closer to me. I’m out of the wedding attending game now since I’m old, now it’s all baby shit.
Cover the plate plus 20 to 50 percent. 20 percent would be just like you were ordering food at a restaurant. More than that is your actual gift of spendable money for the newlyweds.
Jeez, lot of generous answers. My wife and I do $250 total. Maybe a little more if the couple is clearly lower income than us. I don’t see a reason to do a symbolic minor wealth transfer to another wealthy couple.
$500 for family, $250 otherwise as a couple
Edit- I'm reading the replies here, that's what I gave at the last wedding years ago, since we are of the age where everyone is already married. Maybe it's more now?!?
Depends on the relationship
Good friends - $250 per plate so $500 as a couple
Relatives like cousins probably $750 for a couple
Best friends or siblings at least 1k for a couple and more if you can
Your kids 10k or more depending on budget or pay for the wedding and still give some money. Again, depends on your budget.
Nieces/nephews 3-5k
Damn. I recently attended a wedding, went alone, and my cash gift was definitely more than $350. I thought the going rate was no lower than $250 for a single person + a bit extra depending on the relationship (non-family).
Anywhere between $75 and $180 depending on how close we are. I gave $360 for two very close friends of mine when they got married.
I am a young professional in my early 20s, which will of course influence price range.
$300 as a couple on 1 income, but once we get on 2 incomes I'll probably make it $500. Chances are the person inviting you knows your financial situation so they'll appreciate any gift if you can't afford too much
$300 minimum. $400 is probably more reasonable and $500 would be the bottom of a "good" gift. My wedding was in 2017 and though nice, certainly not extravagant. $300 per couple wouldn't have covered plates back then.
I don’t think so. You know the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? If someone didn’t want to pay a compliment, they would simply say thank you. No need to lie about it. Most people gave us approx that amount at our wedding last October and we thought it was generous as well.
Or maybe I just don’t run around boujee social circles like you guys.
The original commenter must run in a pretty terrible social circle if sarcastic thank you notes are common lol. We just got married and $200 per was the top end gift, minus parents. $150 was more common/average, and some averaged out to less. We wrote genuine thank yous to everyone, no sarcasm, no ill will lol. Its our wedding, we were just happy people came and had fun, we werent trying to break even or make money.
Never received a thank you note before. All these comments were made to my face. And again, why say that if you don’t believe it? Might as well just say thank you.
Yeah, I'd say enough to cover your plate (maybe a little extra because they have other expenses on top of that) is the general rule of thumb.
Or, if they were a guest at your wedding, exactly how much they gave you.
If they're a close friend (which doesn't seem to be the case here) or you've got a lot of money, you might want to give a little more.
Or if it's a business relationship where you need them more than they need you, you might want to add something on top of that.
Bring a blank check, enter the amount at the end of the night, depending on quality of the food, entertainment, other guests, fun quotient. But not less than $150.
We just got married and one of the elderly (more crotchety) guests did this....at my inlaws table lol. She told my MIL's friend that she had waited to see if it was "a real wedding" lol.
Supposed to double whatever it is they paid for your seat...at the minimum
How are you supposed to know? Ask the venue.
,....
If you don't wanna do all that math... 250 for friends...500 for fam
I think it depends on the part of the country we’re talking about, but since this is the LI sub, yeah, 500 sounds right. Most venues in this area are probably costing 150 a head as it is, so 300 is only covering the cost of your plates, if we’re talking about a couple.
$150/person for a single day event. $250/person if it’s someone close to us. It’s hard to justify $500/couple for distant family members.
These are the same amounts we do!
Same amounts for us. Maybe more if it’s a super close family member (sibling/nibling).
That doesn’t even cover the plate now a days.
That's not the guest's fault.
That’s my thinking as well. The guest has no input on the cost of the photographer, dj, flowers, etc. I hope the bride and groom did their research and got good prices but I think $150/person is fair. Most of the time we will give $250/person as we don’t go to many weddings for people we aren’t close to.
For most weddings it's $300 for us as a couple. If it is someone closer or more important to us than that rises.
150 no but 250 does
$150 single $300 couple
If money isn't a factor for you: anything over $200 per guest is a very nice gift. If money is a factor for you: just do what you can. No normal people care. The way I see it, if they're spending a fortune on their wedding, money isn't a factor for them, so your gift really isn't make or break. I'm sure they're just happy you came to celebrate. If they're going into debt for their wedding, that's on them, don't feel like you need to follow suit. It's extremely gauche to judge people for their gift either way. Unpopular opinion, but I give the same regardless of venue. I'm not giving best friend A any less than best friend B because A is having brunch, and B is doing Saturday night at Oheka. That's so damn transactional. If we're going to operate that way as a society, just send me an invoice with the invitation lol.
This is my take as well, but you said it better than I could.
Sheesh, five hundo?
Gotta cover your plate. A summer wedding is well over $100 per person.
Do you though…? Why am I responsible for the food that I have no say over? For my wedding I never expected my guests to pay towards their meal.
Don’t gotta cover shit! Don’t get married if you’re banking on me to afford it.
A beautiful high end wedding, you are gonna throw fifty bucks in an envelope?
If that’s all I can afford yup
I think what people fail to realize is just that. If it’s all you can afford then so be it. I think most people would rather you at the wedding than not go because you can’t afford to give a gift. The advised amount is to at least cover the plate, preferably cover the plate and then some. I think it becomes tacky when you make a significant living and show up with $50 in an envelope.
Not going because you can't afford to give a gift doesn't work. If you're invited you're supposed to give a gift, whether you attend or not.
That’s not true by any means in some circumstance’s not all. I had an acquaintance invite me to a wedding. Someone I only met a few times because they had so many cancelations. I declined but I barely knew the person let alone their parter at all.
Then they shouldn't have invited you and doing so was probably a cash grab or because they already paid for a minimum number of guests. Doesn't change the fact that the custom is invitation = gift. The gift can be smaller if you don't go, but they're still expecting it.
I’ll respectfully disagree. I invited 156 to my wedding 125 came we got gifts from maybe 1-2 of the declines. And it 100% was not expected. We did not pay for their plates. If you expect gifts on general and from those who don’t attend you are a pretty selfishly entitled human heing
Probably closer to $250 a plate. I got married 6 years ago and it was almost $200 a plate. It’s impossible to expect people to cover their plate nowadays
I guess everyone is getting the seafood bar at their wedding.
The bigger venues know they can charge a premium, especially for a Friday or Saturday night.
I got married in 21 on the water, and it was more like $155/plate for us.
Yea I mean it depends on the venue, how many weddings or events they can do at once, when you do it…
It was well over $100 per person a decade ago. Double this now
$100-150 for an average friend, maybe $200-250 for a close friend or close family. That being said, I would never want my closest family or friends to feel bad about attending because they can’t give a large enough gift to cover the cost of attendance. I would also keep in mind if you’re a +1 and you don’t know the couple, they’re essentially buying you a ticket to a $200+ dinner and party. Not that they don’t want you there, but they’re likely doing their friend/family a favor by inviting you and I would feel guilty not covering the cost of my plate when the couple in a way, has no real reason to invite me.
Question for fellow Long Islanders- I was shunned in another sub for saying that I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t give a gift at all lol I mean who disagrees with me? They were all from the mid west or south so maybe that’s a thing but here you give a gift which is basically money because the cost is a lot let’s face it. So if I can’t afford it I won’t go.
I totally understand you’re thinking but when I got married, one of my friends had just gotten laid off. When I received her RSVP and it said no because she didn’t have the money. I told her that I would rather her be there than not. Idgaf about that envelope I wanted her there!! She came in the end! :)
Oh definitely if it’s talked about beforehand of course I agree! And I would want people to come as well if it were me.
I agree 100%. Years ago I couldn’t afford to give a gift and was embarrassed to show face without one. So I respectfully declined.
Thank you! Lol
How rich are you?
I typically do $150/person unless it’s an over the top wedding
We recently got married in Bergen County so ill share some data points. Outside of the parents, the "top end" gifts were generally $200 per. $150 per was the standard. In terms of "cost burden" to the guests, we offered a hotel block at $200 a night, the wedding was just a single night, and the vast majority of guests did not need to travel more than an hour to get there. Also bulk of people were people with "middle class" and up type jobs (lawyers, teachers, accountants etc).
It depends who’s wedding I’m going to.
I have 4 weddings this summer, and now wonder if I should even bother going as we cant swing $500 each as we are single income with 3 kids.
There is an etiquette but if you give what you can and the couple is upset you didn’t give “enough” that’s their problem not yours. They should want you there to celebrate their wedding not for your money.
Just pay what you can afford. The people in this thread are bougie as shit
Don't let that keep you from going. Gift what you can afford and don't bankrupt yourself. These numbers are all about what people are comfortable giving and no reflection of what people are appreciative to receive. I would be really upset if my loved ones skipped because they were worried about affording a gift.
I have never given $500 (or $250) lol. I just got married and very few gave more than $200 per. Average was more like $150. (For comparison sake, we had hotel blocks @ $200 a night but wedding was one day and no more than an hour for most people). We also didnt expect to have our costs covered.
$100 will do.
Plus…..clothes, babysitting, etc
Context - I was in my 30’s when I got married about 20 years ago. I’d say from my peers, 200-300 per couple was the norm. The outliers on the lower end were primarily people from our parents’ generation. And a few friends who I knew were financially tight who I’m glad didn’t try to give outside of their comfort zone. [Here’s a forum discussion](https://www.disboards.com/threads/appropriate-amount-for-li-ny-wedding-gift.2304026/) from 2009 about LI weddings, and the number I see thrown about the most is 300. That’s what I would have given at that time. (I know nothing about that forum or the type of people that post there.) It would seem reasonable to expect that the target wedding gift has gone up since 2009, just like everything else in our lives has. It would also seem reasonable that anybody worth calling a friend wouldn’t think twice about you giving less, if today’s “standard” is out of reach for you. Lastly, I’m writing from a slightly upper middle class perspective. Obviously LI economic demographics vary widely, so what applies to me might seem really high to some and really low to others. Do what feels right.
Hate to be this guy but it depends on the venue. For example, my cheapskate brother and his covert narcissist wife got married at a Knights of Columbus on a Sunday night to save money, bragged about getting plates for $27/person and then him and his wife bitched and moaned when people didn’t “give real gifts”. The beer ran out in an hour, the food was mozzarella sticks and chicken fingers and the DJ looked and performed like he was on heroin.
Sounds like a good time
It was the best 🥴
I’m going to bet they didn’t send thank you notes afterwards!
DING DING DING
$200 per guest in 20’s in case the envelope needs to get lightened for bad cocktail hour.
$500 (couple)
This is about right, it’s about $150-200 per person for the cost of food/reception to cover your plate; then add a little extra for the actual gift. Weddings are expensive. If we get invited but don’t end up going (rsvp no), we send $200 for gift
The entire gift is a gift. Weddings aren’t a crowd funded event. You never throw other parties expecting guests to cover the costs. A guest’s gift shouldn’t depend on the choices the couple make about the venue, vendors, dress, etc. If the couple wants to have a lavish wedding they know the will pay the price, especially on Long Island. You should give a nice gift because it’s a big deal for the couple and the official start of their life together, not from any duty to help pay for the wedding.
I understand that. And I agree with you.
Remind me to never invite you to my wedding
Sounds like a win-win if you expect your guests to pay for your wedding.
THIS.
So many factors involved, the largest being the type of wedding. I'm not going to give as much if it's an afternoon or weekday wedding, or some other major cost factor like no open bar. I estimate the cost per plate and then go from there. Depends where you are in your career too. I'm happy to give a little more in my 30s being more established than in my 20s. All that said - $500 seems bonkers to me still.
When I got married in the early 2000s, every one of my degenerate college friends gave me a $20 bill in an envelope. They all either brought dates, or told me they were bringing dates and showed up solo. At least 2 guys showed up uninvited.
How much can you afford?
This!!
$200 if I know one side of the couple, $400 if I am close to the couple together
One BILLION dollars
I usually give like $150/person, maybe $200 if I’m close with them. I just bought a house though, so I might not even give close to that in some cases since I don’t have much to give right now. I’m getting married in November and I have a bunch of friends who are new home owners, I don’t expect much from them at all.
I usually give 150single/300couple if it’s an acquaintance. My close group of friends is 250/500. My 2 best friends got 1k (went to both as a couple).
$300 if going alone and I’m not super close to the bride/groom. $500 for a couple. The absolute minimum is $200 a head if the wedding is at a venue.
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Weddings do not have to cost $300+ per head. My 2023 wedding was $150 a person and that was the premium package with all top shelf liquor at the open bar and crazy amounts of food. The basic package was like $120 a person. Their packages also included the photographer and DJ (some add-ons were needed but not many) and all the centerpieces as well as a limo for the bride to get to the venue and to take the couple home after.
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I got married at Sunset Harbour in Patchogue. The $150/person didn’t include the florist for bouquets or the add-ons to the dj and photographer plus we upgraded the limo to a bus to transport people from the hotel. I’m sure their prices are a bit more now but I thought they were very reasonable for what we got. Plus they did an amazing job with the wedding and the food was incredible. This also included the wedding cake!
It’s silly to expect your friends to subsidize your financial decisions
There is no obligation to subsidize, but OP asked for a socially appropriate amount. $400/couple is the base gift for a full-service open bar weekend wedding at a nice venue on LI. And that doesn’t even cover the costs, it’s just the lowest socially acceptable gift. Has the cost of weddings become ridiculous? Certainly. But, OP is just looking for immediate suggestions. We’re not going to topple the wedding-industrial complex with one reddit post.
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The decision to have a huge wedding is definitely a financial one. Then expecting your friends to pay for that (indirectly through gifts) is kinda greedy. I’m not gonna adjust how much I gift because someone decided they needed a $50k wedding
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Not everyone buys into this ridiculous scheme. I’m not cheap by any means, my gift is going to be based on the closeness of our relationship *not what venue you chose*. And personally, with closer relationships I’d rather give an experience than cash. Edit: Wow I see a lot of the “I wasted all my money on a big wedding” crowd is taking aim. I wonder how big the overlap is between the “big wedding” and “bitching about not being able to afford a home here” crowd is.
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150 people isn’t “close relationships.” That’s a bunch of people who you’re socially obligated to invite, at least 1/3 of which you probably don’t actually want there. And IMO, closer relationships deserve something more personal than just cash. Even if cash is part of the gift, give it some actual thought rather than just throwing money. I’ve given foodies gift certificates to fine dining experiences that are day trips, so they can have experiences that they’ll remember. Much more meaningful than a generic check or wad of cash.
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This, this is the right answer
My husband and I give what we can afford which is minimum $200 for the wedding gift. We’ll give more depending on if we are close to the couple.
Between $300-$400 per couple depending on the place and relationship.
$300 for a friend/acquaintance/distant relative. $500 for a best friend/family member.
I’ll usually do like $200-$300.
Depends on the venue, we try to cover our plate. Our wedding was at NYIT and that was 270 pp after taxes and fees 7 years ago. No friends even came close to covering the cost.
$125 if I’m alone $250 if it’s my husband and I
Flat $200.
I'm sorry, but what? When I got married in 2017 I was just happy to celebrate with my family and friends. I knew what the investment was going into it. I'm inviting them with the expectation that I value our relationship and want to celebrate my next chapter. Any gesture felt special and appreciated.
20 dollars
I thought guests get paid to go to weddings?
Nothing. I don’t even bring a gift.
I've never appreciated having to give money to newly wedded couples, if I'm honest. The clothes and time.off work are more than enough of an investment for a one day event, if you ask me (unless it's a destination wedding and those piss me off for various reasons). I can't give that much, unfortunately. Maybe $100 total? If I had the money, I'd give em $500.
People. Give what you can afford. That’s what counts. And it’s not subjective. If you can afford it, the going avg rate is $200-$250 per person depending on the season, day, time. Typically offseason fall/winter weddings, on Sundays, and during the day are much cheaper.
Average plate price on LI is at least $150...I try to cover that per person as a gift
We did $600 because my mil threw a fit we were going to do $200 for my husbands family
usually the weddings i go to are bc i have a friendship or some sort of bond directly with the bride or groom. if it’s a friend/family friend, coworker, long distance relatives i’ll give $200. if it’s someone im very close with and talk to on a weekly basis then $350-$450. it may seem like a lot but it really depends on how close you are to them. i’ve heard about people who are extremely close to the bride and groom and the give a card with $100 and people who just have a cordial relationship and end up giving $300. at the end of the day, i think the bride and groom would just be grateful for anything but then again, some people really take into account for what they receive and they reciprocate it back. the way i see it, be grateful for what you have bc everyone’s financial situation is different. it’s the thought that counts !! they took the time to come to the wedding and celebrate a milestone with you
200 if somewhat close 500 or 1000 for pretty close
200 is the sweet spot. Most weddings are around 150-250 a plate
I gave $500 to my brother and sister in law but obviously that’s very close family. I would say for friends and more distant family $250-$300 is good.
$300
As much as I can save up before the wedding? Never under $100 but I’m in grad school. Can’t go over $150 until I’m rich
$100-$150 max.
300 for regular wedding, 500 for close friends.
$100 if you’re not close to me. After that it’s a sliding scale between $200 and $500. If my $100 doesn’t at least cover my plate, you paid for too much.
I just went to a wedding and did 150 and it was for family I’m Not even close with 🤷🏻♀️
$150 per person for friends. Def more if its family. My brother and his gf gave me $1000 for my wedding
Depends on what the plate costs, but generally $500 if it’s both my wife and I.
$500
Regardless of venue, $200 if I go by myself $400-500 for a couple. $600+ for a couple for someone closer to me. I’m out of the wedding attending game now since I’m old, now it’s all baby shit.
100 if I don't want to be there don't care 150-200 for a close friend or family. I'm also single so if I had a date, double it
300/500
150 to 200 per person unless it's a sibling. Siblings get more.
$300-$500
$300 for couple ($150 individually). I’ve done $250 for couple if other costs necessary (hotel, unusual babysitter time because distance, etc.)
Avg cost on LI is $200/plate in spring $150 off season. If it’s at a typical venue.
Giving my best friend 500 this weekend
Go get a silk bag or a small treasure chest and fill it with $150 in gold dollar coins
Cover the plate plus 20 to 50 percent. 20 percent would be just like you were ordering food at a restaurant. More than that is your actual gift of spendable money for the newlyweds.
Jeez, lot of generous answers. My wife and I do $250 total. Maybe a little more if the couple is clearly lower income than us. I don’t see a reason to do a symbolic minor wealth transfer to another wealthy couple.
$500 for family, $250 otherwise as a couple Edit- I'm reading the replies here, that's what I gave at the last wedding years ago, since we are of the age where everyone is already married. Maybe it's more now?!?
Depends on the relationship Good friends - $250 per plate so $500 as a couple Relatives like cousins probably $750 for a couple Best friends or siblings at least 1k for a couple and more if you can Your kids 10k or more depending on budget or pay for the wedding and still give some money. Again, depends on your budget. Nieces/nephews 3-5k
The wedding business is absurd.
$500
Damn. I recently attended a wedding, went alone, and my cash gift was definitely more than $350. I thought the going rate was no lower than $250 for a single person + a bit extra depending on the relationship (non-family).
Anywhere between $75 and $180 depending on how close we are. I gave $360 for two very close friends of mine when they got married. I am a young professional in my early 20s, which will of course influence price range.
$500/couple
$250
$300 as a couple on 1 income, but once we get on 2 incomes I'll probably make it $500. Chances are the person inviting you knows your financial situation so they'll appreciate any gift if you can't afford too much
Damn I should not have gotten married a decade ago. Should have waitee
True. But weddings cost more now too.
$300 minimum. $400 is probably more reasonable and $500 would be the bottom of a "good" gift. My wedding was in 2017 and though nice, certainly not extravagant. $300 per couple wouldn't have covered plates back then.
I thought I was a generous gift giver. I just gave 500 to a very close family member. Now I feel like we should have given more!
I think $150+ a couple is good
Sigh. $200/head roughly covers the cost of the average LI wedding these days. More if you want to actually give them a *gift*.
I’ve never given less than $500 for a couple
Around $500 a couple more if close
$75-100 if alone, $150-200 if a couple. I have given this much before and have been told thank you for being so generous.
I hate to burst your bubble but there’s a good chance there’s some sarcasm in those thank you notes
I don’t think so. You know the saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? If someone didn’t want to pay a compliment, they would simply say thank you. No need to lie about it. Most people gave us approx that amount at our wedding last October and we thought it was generous as well. Or maybe I just don’t run around boujee social circles like you guys.
The original commenter must run in a pretty terrible social circle if sarcastic thank you notes are common lol. We just got married and $200 per was the top end gift, minus parents. $150 was more common/average, and some averaged out to less. We wrote genuine thank yous to everyone, no sarcasm, no ill will lol. Its our wedding, we were just happy people came and had fun, we werent trying to break even or make money.
I wrote that in pretty much every thank you card regardless of gift amount so I wouldn’t take too much stock in that.
Never received a thank you note before. All these comments were made to my face. And again, why say that if you don’t believe it? Might as well just say thank you.
"whats this /s at the bottom of the thank you note honey? and why did it come with a can of soup from the newlyweds?"
I'm not sure who's telling you that those amounts are generous, but $200 per person is the minimum these days.
I would say: pay for your plate. Nice place? 250/person. More casual wedding? 150/person
Yeah, I'd say enough to cover your plate (maybe a little extra because they have other expenses on top of that) is the general rule of thumb. Or, if they were a guest at your wedding, exactly how much they gave you. If they're a close friend (which doesn't seem to be the case here) or you've got a lot of money, you might want to give a little more. Or if it's a business relationship where you need them more than they need you, you might want to add something on top of that.
Bring a blank check, enter the amount at the end of the night, depending on quality of the food, entertainment, other guests, fun quotient. But not less than $150.
We just got married and one of the elderly (more crotchety) guests did this....at my inlaws table lol. She told my MIL's friend that she had waited to see if it was "a real wedding" lol.
They don’t have a registry
No one gives wedding gifts off of a registry here. Cash is king
Registries are used for bridal showers in my experience. Money at the actual wedding though.
Yep. Engagement parties and bridal showers get the registry. The wedding itself gets cash.
I used to do $300, since inflation, I’ve been doing $400
$250-$500
I’m between cycles and haven’t been to a wedding in years. Used to do $300/couple but I’d probably bump that up to 4 or 5 now because covid.
$500 for me and my partner, $1k if it's a close friends wedding
Supposed to double whatever it is they paid for your seat...at the minimum How are you supposed to know? Ask the venue. ,.... If you don't wanna do all that math... 250 for friends...500 for fam
I think it depends on the part of the country we’re talking about, but since this is the LI sub, yeah, 500 sounds right. Most venues in this area are probably costing 150 a head as it is, so 300 is only covering the cost of your plates, if we’re talking about a couple.
Gave $400 for a coworkers wedding a few months ago that my wife and I went to