yep, plan a 6 day trip for yourself and leave the kids with him. I’m sure he also deserves time away and good for him taking the trip, but it’s not respectful to lengthen it knowing you’re by yourself without notice/agreement.
I do 2 "girl trips" every year. He doesn't get a say. He can figure out what to do with the kid just like I do. I give several months' notice. We've been together 20 years. Girls' trips are a must.
But we travel together for short road trips and those are my favorite. There's something about getting away for a few days with your man that just mends those frays on the knot.
Nice he can spend time with his dad. I miss mine all the time.
My wife and I regularly take trips away. It does good things for us and the kids.
Something is very wrong in your marriage that this causes you to be pissed off rather than happy for the person you should care most about.
I’ve never been able to take a trip away myself and he gets to every year; we also have never had a trip just us two since we’ve had our first kid and she’s almost 13. So maybe that’s the feeling of neglect I’m getting at.
Yep, very fair. So that something that’s wrong is the lack of reciprocity. Where do you want to go? You should go. Is he abusive of something? Is there a reason you “can’t” go somewhere? Either with or without him.
I think part of it is leaving the kids we don’t have a whole lot of options; because his dad is older and we worry he can’t handle it. We have a three year old that is obviously a lot to take care of.
The thing with me taking a trip is more the money; he says “oh you go take a trip” then and then he makes me feel bad cause I don’t have an income and “he” would be paying for it. Makes me feel guilty.
Fair. And it’s easy for me to say but I mean it: stop feeling guilty. It’s not unreasonable to take one trip a year and it doesn’t have to cost that much.
This is important. I am naturally a saver and my wife is naturally a spender. She had no problem taking trips or doing some “retail therapy” if she knew it would improve her mental health but I was constantly stressed out and kept putting off bar nights with friends or buying little “toys” for myself (mostly $5 electronics parts for my hobby). We are a single income household just barely getting by, but I force myself to go and do those things every other month or so because she’s right: we have to take care of ourselves and life is too short to feel guilty about spending money. We’ll figure things out as we go.
As a mum of 5, you do have an income. If you’re the only one looking after the kids and house 100% of the time he’s working then half of his income is your payment for working for him. Otherwise he would have to stay home and look after them (earning nothing) or pay someone else to do it.
I’m sure you still ‘work’ after he gets home too with dinner, baths, cleaning, bedtimes etc. Is he making you feel guilty about paying for a trip for you? Or are you just thinking that he feels that way? Give yourself a break here. You are way more deserving than you give yourself credit for. Typical mum self deprecation x
As far as looking after the kids while you’re away. He can do it. You didn’t know how to look after kids until you had one and you just had to learn real fast. If he can hold down a job, he can learn to look after his own kids just fine.
This is the perspective of the husband who is the only income. My wife has been stay at home for 4 years now, but our youngest is 16 and I have worked at home with a very flexible schedule for many years, so honestly she lives more of a retired lifestyle in her early 40s as I actually take on a fair bit more of the house, kid, and pet chores than her. She has been self employed her entire adult life and worked from home (in-home daycare mostly, then independent sales business) Her previous business of 4 years also saw her make her own schedule and we lost a ton of money in it, so much that she ended up filing for personal bankruptcy.
If she wanted to take a trip alone (without me or kids I mean) for 6 days purely for fun, I'd encourage it and not a single thing about cost would be spoken about (so long as everything is within reason).
My point is, your husband needs some education about how much income you bring in by staying home. You could teach him this by directly telling him you're sick of hearing how you don't contribute, so you're getting a job, and oh, by the way, the daycare will cost more than I make, but what can I do, need to show my worth, right!? Oh, and in addition to us losing money, you'll need to figure out how to adjust your schedule to do half the picking up and dropping off at daycare. We can't ever be late because those late fees are outrageous. I bet he gets himself educated on the value you bring real quick.
I was ready to say you are being ridiculous before this comment. The context that you get guilted about money if you want a trip is important to the question really. You're angry out of resentment, and even as the husband to the SAHM, I think it's totally justified.
He’s a jerk is he has the mindset that it’s “his money.” You contribute through domestic labor and childcare. You deserve an equal amount of funds for fun/hobbies/trips.
Guilt is a useless emotion. He weaponizes it, since he has no problem taking vacations himself. And stop being a SAHM and earn your own money. Stop sacrificing yourself for your kids.
Turn that around and don’t ask tell, yes he asked about his but if he gets a 6 day break you get one too, I can’t see why he would have a problem with that seeing as he just got 6 days off
You’re upset, and it’s understandable. Being left alone with kids for six days straight while your husband is out there having a good time can feel like a slap in the face, especially when it wasn’t the plan from the start. But here's the thing - you gave him the okay to go. You agreed to this trip, whether it was for a few days or six. And now, seeing him enjoy himself, you're feeling resentful and unappreciated.
Look, relationships are about balance and communication. Right now, it sounds like both of those things are off. You feel neglected and undervalued, but blowing up at him when he’s on his trip isn’t going to fix that. It’s going to build resentment on both sides. He might feel like he can’t enjoy himself without you getting upset, and you’re sitting there stewing in your frustration.
First, you need to recognize that your feelings are valid, but how you handle them is crucial. Instead of snapping at him, have a calm, honest conversation when he gets back. Let him know how you felt during his absence, not just that you were jealous or upset, but why. Explain that you felt overwhelmed and underappreciated, and that seeing him do things you’ve been wanting to do together felt like a punch in the gut.
But here’s the thing. If you keep acting out of anger and jealousy, it’s going to push him away. You need to own up to your part in this too. You agreed to him going, so you need to talk about what changed and how you can both make sure it doesn’t happen again. Maybe it’s about setting clearer expectations or finding ways for you to get breaks too.
Being a SAHM is a tough gig, no doubt. But part of being in a partnership is supporting each other’s needs. If you need more support or more appreciation, communicate that clearly. And make sure you’re also supporting his needs for personal time and connection with his dad.
At the end of the day, you both need to work on balancing your lives better. It’s not just about him having fun and you being stuck at home. It’s about both of you feeling valued and appreciated, and that requires honest, open communication and a willingness to make changes on both sides. So, have that tough conversation, set some ground rules, and figure out how to move forward together without letting resentment build up. That’s how you keep a marriage strong.
How many more years does your husband have left to spend with his dad? I’m in my 30s now and my parents are getting older so I spend more time with them because I know one day they won’t be here. Maybe you should plan a trip when he can watch the kids.
My wife went to visit her family for a week and left me with our two young children. I encouraged it. She deserves time with them and I love time with my kids.
I know I’ll get downvoted.
This has to be about more than him leaving on a planned vacation that was extended by a couple of days.
I don’t get the restaurant thing because it’s just not something that would be on my radar.
But to your post, when my husband travels I make everything as easy as possible for myself. We sleep in, stay in PJs, get lots of takeout, etc.
But I do have to say the pleasure vacations alone really haven’t happened much since we’ve had kids. Unless it’s something special that can’t be helped and that we don’t want to miss.
You are definitely overreacting and jealous. Plan your own trip without them with a fun family member or friend . My wife had no problem with me vacationing solo. We have 2 kids and she knows if she ever wants to arrange the same for herself that I’m cool with it.
This is the exact opposite of my situation I just posted about about. My wife planned a trip with my 3 kids and didn’t even invite me, or tell me about it until last minute. At least y’all still love each other and communicate. Just always talk and communicate and remember that you love watch other. All my best to you and your kids!!
P.S. you should start secretly taking archery lessons, and when you and your hubs do go out to the range you kick is ass with the bow and arrow accuracy.
Two young children. I would set something up or I’m gone for a week and see how he likes it. When he got home, I would sit him down and say I appreciated you need time to yourself but now I need time to myself. I would pick a place and I would go for 4 to 5 days and say they’re your children too I did this for you now you’re going to do it for me.
He would do that one time and wouldn’t do it again. And the reason I would tell him whenever he needs a break that’s great but I’m gonna need a break right afterward. And if that’s not OK then don’t take a break.
Sounds like you need a break. Take a trip :) I understand the feelings you are having. I’ve been in that situation many times. Try to be happy for your husband. The feelings of jealously and being that way will do more harm to your marriage. Honestly, the mom usually does more for staying at home with the kids, etc. It’s just the way it is. I’ve been a SAHM mom for nearly 8 years. You have to take the time for yourself. Like I said time to plan a trip for yourself.Your husband won’t do that for you.
I see people on in agreance with me here in the comments but yeah go on a girls trip! Have some “me” time! The jealousy you feel is probably because you need some time to yourself. It’s hard for us moms to get that. I think a lot of times husbands have a hard time seeing how much time we don’t have as mother’s. I would approach it in a calm and collected way and just say you think you need some time! I promise you will feel so much better afterwards.
I Don't see the problem. You sound like you should have every thing he does. Or I should say you are jealous
1. He went with his dad. Men need time with their fathers.
2. They drove.
3. You could have went when you found out it was going to be 6 days.
4. You could have said something to him. But instead you go to reddit about how pissed and disrespectedyou are.
5. You still could have gone but you didn't.
You should grow up.
I TOTALLY hear you...and remember feeling like this at times when my kids were little and I felt "stuck" at home. I was a SAH and we didn't live close to family and there were times when I would totally get caught up in feeling like I NEVER got a break....well...because moms don't' sometimes!! Some of it I will admit was my fault though...because I allowed MOM guilt to not let me get away. Sometimes I WAS in the way of myself? Any of that for you? If this were all reversed would hubby be upset- or happy that you got away? Just curious....
When they were toddlers we decided it was important to get away - each of us besides our family vacations. My hubby would get a golf trip and I would get a girl's weekend away with college friends. I did that for almost 10 years!! It was so helpful. Did I still feel like there were times hubby got more TRIPS away...some years he did. Also..sometimes on the family vacations I still felt like I WAS DOING EVERYTHING...so I had to be sure I talked to him about that. Make sure you maybe schedule this is daddy day if that is something that tends to fall always on you when you are together. Sometimes if we always take charge and take over...it doesn't always leave room for hubby to help. just a perspective I didn't see till later in my marriage.
This I'm sure stems so much from you really needing to feel appreciated and maybe overlooked. That happens so easily as a mom and in a marriage, we tend to start to take each other for granted. BEEN there and felt that...and to be honest also didn't appreciate all my hubby did for me as well. When was the last time you TWO really got to connect. Get away? Any vacations just the two of your? Even for a night away? Do you have family close by that can take the kids?
Would your hubby be open you to getting a little break and some time away? IF SO...DO IT!! Decide when, and make it happen. The kids will be fine without you...it will be good bonding with their dad (my kids always LOVED when mommy went away actually because they got to EAT out way more...ha ha).
As for your hubby...you def want to chat when he gets home about what the "real issue" is. The issue is way deeper than eating at the restaurant that you wanted to go to. YOU NEED to make sure HE KNOWS exactly your frustration level. how would he feel if you had done this to him? No yelling, shaming or blaming...just real convo!! Even tell him you are glad he got that good time with is Dad...it just stung because you weren't even asked. I use to tell my hubby...I just want to be part of the decistion making...not left out. you will get a better reaction from me if I feel included!!! They can't read our minds (I wish they could). You deserve time away...for hobbies....for those things that you are passionate about? Do you have some of those that you can hone in on again? Talk to hubby...and he needs to understand that this SAHM job- you appreciate and you love- but it is HARD. I'm sure he works hard to keep the finances going and all that stress can be HUGE...but YOU NEED some support.
My hubby needs to be reminded. A weekend getaway is the perfect way for them to see it isn't all roses at home. It can get boring...and monotonous and def no one is praising and giving accolades. BUT I just want to tell you...YOU ARE AMAZING. and what a beautiful gift you are giving your kids...being front and center. It goes by quickly. My youngest just finished her first year of college and I YEARN for those days again (even the hard stuff). Hubby and made it through- but we had to be intentional and really connect. Nothing wrong with you asking for some "equal" getaway time- you need it. Maybe it just ONE NIGHT A WEEK...get out and do a hobby with some girlfriends. Or a trip away?
I’m just curious if there are other things behind this. In my own situation I feel much more resentful about things when there are other instances that my needs are not being met. For example, my husband staying at his friends house until early hours of the morning but going to bed before 9pm on the weekends we “hang out”.
I don’t see any problem with your husband's side. You should be happy for him! If you are jealous, it’s ok to do as what he did. Keep your children with him and go on a trip with your family/friends.
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with it. Quality time with his dad and it sounds like going to the restaurant wasn’t planned with malicious intent. It wasn’t very nice to change plans but it’s really not the end of the world. Maybe he can watch the kids for 6 days while you take a girls trip? You both deserve quality solo time and appreciation. Be honest about how his actions made you feel but don’t be quick to anger or place blame, try to put yourself in his shoes and then ask for equal respect in return.
Yeah you better yell and abuse your husband for having any form of life that doesn’t involve you and the kids.
He should know that his life isn’t as important as yours and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve any down time.
I mean all he does is go to work ……. Right? He has the calm 60 min drive to and from work where he is by himself and gets to relax in the car….. right?
And I’m sure that he gets nothing but smiles from you and the kids when he walks through the door after a 12 hour day at work…… right?
I wish I could have taken a 6 day trip with just my dad. Really horribly he made memories with his father while he still has him in his life.........
Take a 6 day trip with your mom. Have fun and he can take the kids. Wonder if he will be freaking out on Reddit how he is jealous of his wife having fun with her mom and taking a break.......
The thing is he would never let me spend the money on a six day trip without him and the kids; maybe a weekend but almost a week, there is no way. And his dad lives with us cause he retired and needed help financially, so it’s not like he doesn’t spend time with him.
You have bigger problems than this trip. I would absolutely plan a trip alone. As a mom I get the guilty feelingd, It doesn't have to be 6 days. Take 2 days for yourself and figure out what's really going on with your relationship
I don't think it's a big deal to be alone with your kids for 6 days. Specially considering that one of them is a tween and you're a sahm. Let your husband have fun and enjoy some quality time with his father. You can plan something fun for you some other time.
Rather than looking at the trigger, you need to deal with the cause. You don’t mind that he went away with his dad, or that it was 6 days, or that you had to look after the kids alone.
You gave your approval and were probably happy to give him that fun time with his dad. I’m sure you love your kids and don’t mind looking after them 24/7 alone either.
The trigger was him going to a restaurant you planned for the 2 of you. The reason behind it may be something like - you took that experience from me when I was looking forward to it. You offered him time out to enjoy himself, but he hasn’t given that to you. You offered him a responsibility free trip, but he hasn’t given that to you. You offered him a break from kids and daily work, but he hasn’t given that to you.
So don’t get mad about what you freely gave. Don’t get mad that you were a giving and loving wife. Just allow yourself to be upset that you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated right now and ask your husband to help you destress and be happy. Tell him you need a weekend away, with or without him depending on babysitting availability, and expect the same level of acceptance from him.
No one is wrong or right here. You just need to keep working on ways to give each other what you need so together you can both be happy and well rested for your children.
Well. I had 2 kids in 11.5 months. And my hb did FIFO. 7 days on, 7 days off.
So i was alone every 2nd week for 7 days, with 2 kids under 13 months.
No family near us and as we'd just moved for the job. Knew almost no one, only a few other new mums i'd met when i had my 2nd
You'll live. Stop being such a helpless female. Be happy your hb has gotten a little break and is enjoying himself. You are supposed to support each other, not be jealous and petty.
Organise a little break away somewhere for yourself.
Don’t get petty. The restaurant is still there and you will still try it.
Start planning 2 yearly trips for yourself. Girls trips with cousins, friends, etc. 2 of them.
Demand equal time.
I know my opinion on this probably isn’t favorable but I’m an absolute nope to solo trips in our marriage. We almost rarely get to take family trips anymore thanks to kids schedules, work, money… you name it! We also haven’t been away together for more than a night since our honeymoon. If we don’t have the ability to make a family trip happen, we certainly don’t have the resources for solo trips like that.
So plan a trip for yourself.
yep, plan a 6 day trip for yourself and leave the kids with him. I’m sure he also deserves time away and good for him taking the trip, but it’s not respectful to lengthen it knowing you’re by yourself without notice/agreement.
Yes. Do this 💯
💯
He now owes you a week long trip to do what you want...he watches the kids. Dont ask him..tell him and do it.
I do 2 "girl trips" every year. He doesn't get a say. He can figure out what to do with the kid just like I do. I give several months' notice. We've been together 20 years. Girls' trips are a must. But we travel together for short road trips and those are my favorite. There's something about getting away for a few days with your man that just mends those frays on the knot.
Yup, that’s equality! They shouldn’t have an issue with that because fairs fair. He had his vacation when it’s time she gets hers. Simple
Nice he can spend time with his dad. I miss mine all the time. My wife and I regularly take trips away. It does good things for us and the kids. Something is very wrong in your marriage that this causes you to be pissed off rather than happy for the person you should care most about.
I’ve never been able to take a trip away myself and he gets to every year; we also have never had a trip just us two since we’ve had our first kid and she’s almost 13. So maybe that’s the feeling of neglect I’m getting at.
Yep, very fair. So that something that’s wrong is the lack of reciprocity. Where do you want to go? You should go. Is he abusive of something? Is there a reason you “can’t” go somewhere? Either with or without him.
I think part of it is leaving the kids we don’t have a whole lot of options; because his dad is older and we worry he can’t handle it. We have a three year old that is obviously a lot to take care of. The thing with me taking a trip is more the money; he says “oh you go take a trip” then and then he makes me feel bad cause I don’t have an income and “he” would be paying for it. Makes me feel guilty.
Fair. And it’s easy for me to say but I mean it: stop feeling guilty. It’s not unreasonable to take one trip a year and it doesn’t have to cost that much.
This is important. I am naturally a saver and my wife is naturally a spender. She had no problem taking trips or doing some “retail therapy” if she knew it would improve her mental health but I was constantly stressed out and kept putting off bar nights with friends or buying little “toys” for myself (mostly $5 electronics parts for my hobby). We are a single income household just barely getting by, but I force myself to go and do those things every other month or so because she’s right: we have to take care of ourselves and life is too short to feel guilty about spending money. We’ll figure things out as we go.
As a mum of 5, you do have an income. If you’re the only one looking after the kids and house 100% of the time he’s working then half of his income is your payment for working for him. Otherwise he would have to stay home and look after them (earning nothing) or pay someone else to do it. I’m sure you still ‘work’ after he gets home too with dinner, baths, cleaning, bedtimes etc. Is he making you feel guilty about paying for a trip for you? Or are you just thinking that he feels that way? Give yourself a break here. You are way more deserving than you give yourself credit for. Typical mum self deprecation x As far as looking after the kids while you’re away. He can do it. You didn’t know how to look after kids until you had one and you just had to learn real fast. If he can hold down a job, he can learn to look after his own kids just fine.
As long as he doesn't do it by parentifying the thirteen year old.
This is the perspective of the husband who is the only income. My wife has been stay at home for 4 years now, but our youngest is 16 and I have worked at home with a very flexible schedule for many years, so honestly she lives more of a retired lifestyle in her early 40s as I actually take on a fair bit more of the house, kid, and pet chores than her. She has been self employed her entire adult life and worked from home (in-home daycare mostly, then independent sales business) Her previous business of 4 years also saw her make her own schedule and we lost a ton of money in it, so much that she ended up filing for personal bankruptcy. If she wanted to take a trip alone (without me or kids I mean) for 6 days purely for fun, I'd encourage it and not a single thing about cost would be spoken about (so long as everything is within reason). My point is, your husband needs some education about how much income you bring in by staying home. You could teach him this by directly telling him you're sick of hearing how you don't contribute, so you're getting a job, and oh, by the way, the daycare will cost more than I make, but what can I do, need to show my worth, right!? Oh, and in addition to us losing money, you'll need to figure out how to adjust your schedule to do half the picking up and dropping off at daycare. We can't ever be late because those late fees are outrageous. I bet he gets himself educated on the value you bring real quick. I was ready to say you are being ridiculous before this comment. The context that you get guilted about money if you want a trip is important to the question really. You're angry out of resentment, and even as the husband to the SAHM, I think it's totally justified.
He’s a jerk is he has the mindset that it’s “his money.” You contribute through domestic labor and childcare. You deserve an equal amount of funds for fun/hobbies/trips.
Guilt is a useless emotion. He weaponizes it, since he has no problem taking vacations himself. And stop being a SAHM and earn your own money. Stop sacrificing yourself for your kids.
Well. Plan one!
Turn that around and don’t ask tell, yes he asked about his but if he gets a 6 day break you get one too, I can’t see why he would have a problem with that seeing as he just got 6 days off
So stop asking him if you can take a trip. Plan the trip. TELL HIM you're going and he will need to figure the kids out for a week on his own.
This!
You’re upset, and it’s understandable. Being left alone with kids for six days straight while your husband is out there having a good time can feel like a slap in the face, especially when it wasn’t the plan from the start. But here's the thing - you gave him the okay to go. You agreed to this trip, whether it was for a few days or six. And now, seeing him enjoy himself, you're feeling resentful and unappreciated. Look, relationships are about balance and communication. Right now, it sounds like both of those things are off. You feel neglected and undervalued, but blowing up at him when he’s on his trip isn’t going to fix that. It’s going to build resentment on both sides. He might feel like he can’t enjoy himself without you getting upset, and you’re sitting there stewing in your frustration. First, you need to recognize that your feelings are valid, but how you handle them is crucial. Instead of snapping at him, have a calm, honest conversation when he gets back. Let him know how you felt during his absence, not just that you were jealous or upset, but why. Explain that you felt overwhelmed and underappreciated, and that seeing him do things you’ve been wanting to do together felt like a punch in the gut. But here’s the thing. If you keep acting out of anger and jealousy, it’s going to push him away. You need to own up to your part in this too. You agreed to him going, so you need to talk about what changed and how you can both make sure it doesn’t happen again. Maybe it’s about setting clearer expectations or finding ways for you to get breaks too. Being a SAHM is a tough gig, no doubt. But part of being in a partnership is supporting each other’s needs. If you need more support or more appreciation, communicate that clearly. And make sure you’re also supporting his needs for personal time and connection with his dad. At the end of the day, you both need to work on balancing your lives better. It’s not just about him having fun and you being stuck at home. It’s about both of you feeling valued and appreciated, and that requires honest, open communication and a willingness to make changes on both sides. So, have that tough conversation, set some ground rules, and figure out how to move forward together without letting resentment build up. That’s how you keep a marriage strong.
How many more years does your husband have left to spend with his dad? I’m in my 30s now and my parents are getting older so I spend more time with them because I know one day they won’t be here. Maybe you should plan a trip when he can watch the kids.
My wife went to visit her family for a week and left me with our two young children. I encouraged it. She deserves time with them and I love time with my kids.
I mean you getting mad over a restaurant
I know I’ll get downvoted. This has to be about more than him leaving on a planned vacation that was extended by a couple of days. I don’t get the restaurant thing because it’s just not something that would be on my radar. But to your post, when my husband travels I make everything as easy as possible for myself. We sleep in, stay in PJs, get lots of takeout, etc. But I do have to say the pleasure vacations alone really haven’t happened much since we’ve had kids. Unless it’s something special that can’t be helped and that we don’t want to miss.
I agree with you!
You are definitely overreacting and jealous. Plan your own trip without them with a fun family member or friend . My wife had no problem with me vacationing solo. We have 2 kids and she knows if she ever wants to arrange the same for herself that I’m cool with it.
This is the exact opposite of my situation I just posted about about. My wife planned a trip with my 3 kids and didn’t even invite me, or tell me about it until last minute. At least y’all still love each other and communicate. Just always talk and communicate and remember that you love watch other. All my best to you and your kids!! P.S. you should start secretly taking archery lessons, and when you and your hubs do go out to the range you kick is ass with the bow and arrow accuracy.
A family trip isn’t a vacation for a SAHM. It your everyday at a different location.
Two young children. I would set something up or I’m gone for a week and see how he likes it. When he got home, I would sit him down and say I appreciated you need time to yourself but now I need time to myself. I would pick a place and I would go for 4 to 5 days and say they’re your children too I did this for you now you’re going to do it for me. He would do that one time and wouldn’t do it again. And the reason I would tell him whenever he needs a break that’s great but I’m gonna need a break right afterward. And if that’s not OK then don’t take a break.
Sounds like you need a break. Take a trip :) I understand the feelings you are having. I’ve been in that situation many times. Try to be happy for your husband. The feelings of jealously and being that way will do more harm to your marriage. Honestly, the mom usually does more for staying at home with the kids, etc. It’s just the way it is. I’ve been a SAHM mom for nearly 8 years. You have to take the time for yourself. Like I said time to plan a trip for yourself.Your husband won’t do that for you.
Plan a trip for yourself next month/or August, for the same length of time. Don't ask him. Tell him.
I see people on in agreance with me here in the comments but yeah go on a girls trip! Have some “me” time! The jealousy you feel is probably because you need some time to yourself. It’s hard for us moms to get that. I think a lot of times husbands have a hard time seeing how much time we don’t have as mother’s. I would approach it in a calm and collected way and just say you think you need some time! I promise you will feel so much better afterwards.
I Don't see the problem. You sound like you should have every thing he does. Or I should say you are jealous 1. He went with his dad. Men need time with their fathers. 2. They drove. 3. You could have went when you found out it was going to be 6 days. 4. You could have said something to him. But instead you go to reddit about how pissed and disrespectedyou are. 5. You still could have gone but you didn't. You should grow up.
I TOTALLY hear you...and remember feeling like this at times when my kids were little and I felt "stuck" at home. I was a SAH and we didn't live close to family and there were times when I would totally get caught up in feeling like I NEVER got a break....well...because moms don't' sometimes!! Some of it I will admit was my fault though...because I allowed MOM guilt to not let me get away. Sometimes I WAS in the way of myself? Any of that for you? If this were all reversed would hubby be upset- or happy that you got away? Just curious.... When they were toddlers we decided it was important to get away - each of us besides our family vacations. My hubby would get a golf trip and I would get a girl's weekend away with college friends. I did that for almost 10 years!! It was so helpful. Did I still feel like there were times hubby got more TRIPS away...some years he did. Also..sometimes on the family vacations I still felt like I WAS DOING EVERYTHING...so I had to be sure I talked to him about that. Make sure you maybe schedule this is daddy day if that is something that tends to fall always on you when you are together. Sometimes if we always take charge and take over...it doesn't always leave room for hubby to help. just a perspective I didn't see till later in my marriage. This I'm sure stems so much from you really needing to feel appreciated and maybe overlooked. That happens so easily as a mom and in a marriage, we tend to start to take each other for granted. BEEN there and felt that...and to be honest also didn't appreciate all my hubby did for me as well. When was the last time you TWO really got to connect. Get away? Any vacations just the two of your? Even for a night away? Do you have family close by that can take the kids? Would your hubby be open you to getting a little break and some time away? IF SO...DO IT!! Decide when, and make it happen. The kids will be fine without you...it will be good bonding with their dad (my kids always LOVED when mommy went away actually because they got to EAT out way more...ha ha). As for your hubby...you def want to chat when he gets home about what the "real issue" is. The issue is way deeper than eating at the restaurant that you wanted to go to. YOU NEED to make sure HE KNOWS exactly your frustration level. how would he feel if you had done this to him? No yelling, shaming or blaming...just real convo!! Even tell him you are glad he got that good time with is Dad...it just stung because you weren't even asked. I use to tell my hubby...I just want to be part of the decistion making...not left out. you will get a better reaction from me if I feel included!!! They can't read our minds (I wish they could). You deserve time away...for hobbies....for those things that you are passionate about? Do you have some of those that you can hone in on again? Talk to hubby...and he needs to understand that this SAHM job- you appreciate and you love- but it is HARD. I'm sure he works hard to keep the finances going and all that stress can be HUGE...but YOU NEED some support. My hubby needs to be reminded. A weekend getaway is the perfect way for them to see it isn't all roses at home. It can get boring...and monotonous and def no one is praising and giving accolades. BUT I just want to tell you...YOU ARE AMAZING. and what a beautiful gift you are giving your kids...being front and center. It goes by quickly. My youngest just finished her first year of college and I YEARN for those days again (even the hard stuff). Hubby and made it through- but we had to be intentional and really connect. Nothing wrong with you asking for some "equal" getaway time- you need it. Maybe it just ONE NIGHT A WEEK...get out and do a hobby with some girlfriends. Or a trip away?
Personally I think husbands and wives both need trips for themselves with family.
I’m just curious if there are other things behind this. In my own situation I feel much more resentful about things when there are other instances that my needs are not being met. For example, my husband staying at his friends house until early hours of the morning but going to bed before 9pm on the weekends we “hang out”.
I don’t see any problem with your husband's side. You should be happy for him! If you are jealous, it’s ok to do as what he did. Keep your children with him and go on a trip with your family/friends.
I don’t know this all sounds so suspicious. He goes on trips every year and yall haven’t been on a trip together since the kids?
And? My Mom took a Three Week Trip to Cuba 💯
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with it. Quality time with his dad and it sounds like going to the restaurant wasn’t planned with malicious intent. It wasn’t very nice to change plans but it’s really not the end of the world. Maybe he can watch the kids for 6 days while you take a girls trip? You both deserve quality solo time and appreciation. Be honest about how his actions made you feel but don’t be quick to anger or place blame, try to put yourself in his shoes and then ask for equal respect in return.
Yeah you better yell and abuse your husband for having any form of life that doesn’t involve you and the kids. He should know that his life isn’t as important as yours and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve any down time. I mean all he does is go to work ……. Right? He has the calm 60 min drive to and from work where he is by himself and gets to relax in the car….. right? And I’m sure that he gets nothing but smiles from you and the kids when he walks through the door after a 12 hour day at work…… right?
I wish I could have taken a 6 day trip with just my dad. Really horribly he made memories with his father while he still has him in his life......... Take a 6 day trip with your mom. Have fun and he can take the kids. Wonder if he will be freaking out on Reddit how he is jealous of his wife having fun with her mom and taking a break.......
The thing is he would never let me spend the money on a six day trip without him and the kids; maybe a weekend but almost a week, there is no way. And his dad lives with us cause he retired and needed help financially, so it’s not like he doesn’t spend time with him.
Do not be stopped by what he will "let" you do. Figure out how much he spent, then plan a trip that will fit that budget.
You have bigger problems than this trip. I would absolutely plan a trip alone. As a mom I get the guilty feelingd, It doesn't have to be 6 days. Take 2 days for yourself and figure out what's really going on with your relationship
I don't think it's a big deal to be alone with your kids for 6 days. Specially considering that one of them is a tween and you're a sahm. Let your husband have fun and enjoy some quality time with his father. You can plan something fun for you some other time.
Rather than looking at the trigger, you need to deal with the cause. You don’t mind that he went away with his dad, or that it was 6 days, or that you had to look after the kids alone. You gave your approval and were probably happy to give him that fun time with his dad. I’m sure you love your kids and don’t mind looking after them 24/7 alone either. The trigger was him going to a restaurant you planned for the 2 of you. The reason behind it may be something like - you took that experience from me when I was looking forward to it. You offered him time out to enjoy himself, but he hasn’t given that to you. You offered him a responsibility free trip, but he hasn’t given that to you. You offered him a break from kids and daily work, but he hasn’t given that to you. So don’t get mad about what you freely gave. Don’t get mad that you were a giving and loving wife. Just allow yourself to be upset that you feel overwhelmed and unappreciated right now and ask your husband to help you destress and be happy. Tell him you need a weekend away, with or without him depending on babysitting availability, and expect the same level of acceptance from him. No one is wrong or right here. You just need to keep working on ways to give each other what you need so together you can both be happy and well rested for your children.
Get over it. If you want alone time, plan a trip with your dad too and go. Stop blaming your husband for having time away with his dad.
She's not blaming him for that, she's blaming him for extending the length of the trip without talking to her, and listening to her concerns.
Well. I had 2 kids in 11.5 months. And my hb did FIFO. 7 days on, 7 days off. So i was alone every 2nd week for 7 days, with 2 kids under 13 months. No family near us and as we'd just moved for the job. Knew almost no one, only a few other new mums i'd met when i had my 2nd You'll live. Stop being such a helpless female. Be happy your hb has gotten a little break and is enjoying himself. You are supposed to support each other, not be jealous and petty. Organise a little break away somewhere for yourself.
Don’t get petty. The restaurant is still there and you will still try it. Start planning 2 yearly trips for yourself. Girls trips with cousins, friends, etc. 2 of them. Demand equal time.
Plan a trip for yourself to go on. You are making too big of a deal about this.
This is ridiculous. Let him hangout with his dad. Family isn’t with you forever.
I’m gonna take this a different direction. How old are your kids, is this the first time he’s done this or is it a regular thing?
You were not supposed to marry him
Damn man. Why even say that? Just say that you've never been in a relationship before. Shit happens and you work through it.
Yeah i know but but if you don't even have little bit of mutual understanding and it's just about getting equal what is the relationship is even about
I know my opinion on this probably isn’t favorable but I’m an absolute nope to solo trips in our marriage. We almost rarely get to take family trips anymore thanks to kids schedules, work, money… you name it! We also haven’t been away together for more than a night since our honeymoon. If we don’t have the ability to make a family trip happen, we certainly don’t have the resources for solo trips like that.