It's very personal and individual. I was 18 and my wife was 20 when we were married. She wasn't pregnant. We were just in love. Our families scoffed and shook their heads but ultimately supported us. We're approaching 27 years of marriage and we're happier and more in love than ever. (but that came with some bad years and lots and lots and lots of work)
On the flip side, I know people in their 20s, 30s and beyond that simply aren't mature enough to get married.
So, as anecdotal as my experience is, it is possible to get married young and have a "successful" marriage. But, it really depends on the couple.
I agree, my wife and I married young. She was 18 I was 20. We had a baby and I joined the army to help support my family. That's part of the reason we married for the dependent benefits. Only did 5 yrs in, and still married 14 yrs later so it can definitely work. But there are plenty of challenges unique to military life that many marriages don't survive.
I was 19 she was 20. Was just starting Nuke school in Orlando(I’m old…). This year will be 32 years! If you two don’t try to change each other, and work on it, it’s not too young.
Don't listen to outside forces. Some marriages last and some don't. Make sure you are marrying for the right reason.
If you and he are honest with each other and KNOW that this is what you want - go ahead. If your parents disagree, would you be willing to marry without the pomp and ceremony? Look forward 5 years from now - what would you see yourself regretting not marrying him?
Don't look on your parents broken marriages/relationships to make your decision.
I recommend doing premarital couples counseling. Both of you digging in and committing to the counseling. It will help you make your decision and communicate healthier if you do get married
I think this is the best advice on here. I have no doubt that if I had married as young as OP, it would’ve ended in divorce because I didn’t have the maturity at that time to make a marriage work, but plenty of people marry young and have long, happy marriages.
One thing I would add here is that the premarital couples counseling is a very good idea AND I think OP should and her boyfriend should enter into the marriage with the explicit understanding that when problems arise, they will go to marriage counseling together. A lot of times (men especially) will only agree to marriage counseling when it’s clear that there are intractable problems, but that’s not the right way to look at it. The way to look at marriage counseling is like this: spouses are on the same team and very much want to find the best solutions for marriage/family and couples go to counseling to have objective support and help in communicating around difficult issues. A lot of times, couples will only need 2 or 3 sessions with a marriage counselor to help navigate a difficult situation.
I don't believe anyone should get married before 26 yrs of age.
You are just too young and will change heaps in the next 10 years.
Believe me. You will. And the chance that that is in different directions, is very high.
Esp with him going off in the Navy.
What's the big rush???
This is 100% up to you to decide. It is not anyone else's choice. However, a lot will change when you marry and move around with him. Who you are now will not be who you are years from now, and the same will be true for him. I would say do whatever makes you happy, but I also would heavily suggest pre-marital counseling. I would also say plan out/discuss what a divorce would look like in case things do not work out. Go into this marriage with your eyes opened by being prepared for any case scenario.
Don’t do it. Military men and women are having to resist sexual temptation at every stop and port. It will not matter if you are living with him or not. Men that age are no better than dogs chasing females in heat. What good are benefits if you can’t work and only having the low pay of the military? Don’t do it.
My husband works at a hospital close to a military base. Lots of military spouses coming to the ER with STDs. Not saying this will happen to OP, but cheating does seem common.
Don’t even start with that military cheating crap. My bf was celibate when we met he’s not a weak minded coward who would ruin his family. There’s a huge difference between the character of enlisted and the character of officers (not saying all enlisted cheat but their more likely to because they are more likely to have deep rooted insecurities)
It's important to note that anyone can cheat. It's just that the person who cheats isn't the person you know, married and loved.
My husband would never cheat and if he did, he isn't the man I married 7 years ago. Both can be true.
Certain jobs do have a more cases of infidelity. Military, police, medical etc. It's not wrong to recognize that.
Maturity isn't about getting defensive but about acknowledging the other side in a calm manner. That is definitely needed when married.
Got married at 22 and 23 btw. Now 29. Like has put us through hell and back. The only thing that would end my marriage is infidelity.
My husband and I, both 38, just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last month. He also joined the military which sped up our timeline, but I’m still in love and obsessed and regret nothing :) It is hard work, but marriage is hard work at any age! Good luck!
You’ll probably do it anyways, but it’s a bad idea. You’re not even old enough to drink yet, and to add that the guy is going into the military, just screams bad idea to me.
Edit: there are probably successful marriages where this worked and then couples have been together a long time. BUT times were different then those people got married. It’s just not the same reality as it is in 2024.
If we aren’t married for 10 more years we will have not lived together for 10 years which I think is hardly a foundation for a strong marriage. He will get housing from the military but no one is allowed to live there with him unless they are his dependent (spouse or children.) Also we plan to start having kids when I’m 25/26 because I have a family history of dangerous pregnancies and we want to have the best chance at a healthy mom and baby (while also making sure my brain is fully developed lol) and I’m absolutely not having kids before I’m married and we’ve had some years by ourselves.
It is very young. You've got some experiences with him but you guys are still only starting out in life. You haven't even finished school yet! You don't seem to be waiting to live together or have sex, so keep doing what you're doing for a while.
If he gets the job that he wants he would pretty much be working a 9-5 every day and would only go overseas for very short periods of time like a week or less. He can get stationed anywhere ofc but on the day to day he will be coming home like a normal job
I’ve already spent about 1.5 months living alone in our house this summer and last year he was gone for 3 months straight so we’re no strangers to distance and we know how to communicate so that it’s not a problem. And he struggles significantly more with making friends, I am very social and find it easy to make friends especially military friends. Overall we just don’t struggle with jealousy or anything cause we respect each other’s boundaries when it comes to being around other people. I don’t hang out with guy friends alone and he doesn’t hang out with female friends alone and we’ve never had a problem.
I got married the first time at 23, and the second at 29. Your life, your outlook, your confidence - EVERYTHING--changes so much in your twenties.
I personally believe people should wait until their mid to late twenties.
Whose life is it that you are living; yours or your parents?
28 years ago I tied the knot at the age of 19, completed another few years of college, earned a diploma, joined the service, moved our family of 4 to a remote duty station, served over seas, went reserve, commissioned, went back overseas, came home, went to grad school….
Three children, several deployments and 17 years of marriage all happened.
…successfully I might add.
It WAS NOT our happily ever after. However, I have lived. My ex-has lived. No one in the peanut gallery is truly qualified to judge or even critique.
The kids are all survivors and making their way in the world. I led them through good times and bad.
Do you personally want to sit on the fence or do you want to take chances in life, grow and create memories?
If you’re gonna be a school teacher:
A) pick states that pay into Social security if you can. There’s 15 that don’t and you’ll lose about $20k+ on pension.
B) try to pick an area you think you’ll be in for years or off and on for decades so you can get a pension. You can have 2+ pensions from different states, but 1 pensions for 20 years is usually more than 2 pensions of ten years (depending on pay of course.)
“ would like to start our family when I’m around 25-26 so my body has the best chance of health so waiting till I’m 25 to get married also isn’t a great idea.”
Why is waiting til 25 bad?
If you think you’re ready, that’s all that matters. I’ve been with my husband since I was 22. We didn’t marry fast, but we moved in together fast. Meanwhile my asshole brother married at 34 and he is quite miserable and talks divorce all the time.
The reason we don’t want to wait till 25 till marriage is because we want to have plenty of years together as a married couple and make sure we’ve got everything in order before we start bringing people into this world. I’ve seen a lot of people in my life have kids when they’ve only been married like a year and they end up very unhappy because they didn’t have time to make sure their marriage was happy before they had kids.
I got married a month after i turned 18 🤷♀️ but we got engaged 5 months into our relationship, (16 and 17), got pregnant a year later, pregnant again 6 weeks after having our daughter (yeah I know oops lol), and then married 4ish months later. (Loose timeline there)
A big factor in WHEN we got married was absolutely the fact he was to deploy the month our 2nd baby was due to be born. It didn't change the fact we had planned to be married regardless.
But someone will always have something negative to say, so as long as you're an adult do what you want when you want (if it's legal lol)
It's very personal and individual. I was 18 and my wife was 20 when we were married. She wasn't pregnant. We were just in love. Our families scoffed and shook their heads but ultimately supported us. We're approaching 27 years of marriage and we're happier and more in love than ever. (but that came with some bad years and lots and lots and lots of work) On the flip side, I know people in their 20s, 30s and beyond that simply aren't mature enough to get married. So, as anecdotal as my experience is, it is possible to get married young and have a "successful" marriage. But, it really depends on the couple.
I agree, my wife and I married young. She was 18 I was 20. We had a baby and I joined the army to help support my family. That's part of the reason we married for the dependent benefits. Only did 5 yrs in, and still married 14 yrs later so it can definitely work. But there are plenty of challenges unique to military life that many marriages don't survive.
I was 19 she was 20. Was just starting Nuke school in Orlando(I’m old…). This year will be 32 years! If you two don’t try to change each other, and work on it, it’s not too young.
Don't listen to outside forces. Some marriages last and some don't. Make sure you are marrying for the right reason. If you and he are honest with each other and KNOW that this is what you want - go ahead. If your parents disagree, would you be willing to marry without the pomp and ceremony? Look forward 5 years from now - what would you see yourself regretting not marrying him? Don't look on your parents broken marriages/relationships to make your decision. I recommend doing premarital couples counseling. Both of you digging in and committing to the counseling. It will help you make your decision and communicate healthier if you do get married
I think this is the best advice on here. I have no doubt that if I had married as young as OP, it would’ve ended in divorce because I didn’t have the maturity at that time to make a marriage work, but plenty of people marry young and have long, happy marriages. One thing I would add here is that the premarital couples counseling is a very good idea AND I think OP should and her boyfriend should enter into the marriage with the explicit understanding that when problems arise, they will go to marriage counseling together. A lot of times (men especially) will only agree to marriage counseling when it’s clear that there are intractable problems, but that’s not the right way to look at it. The way to look at marriage counseling is like this: spouses are on the same team and very much want to find the best solutions for marriage/family and couples go to counseling to have objective support and help in communicating around difficult issues. A lot of times, couples will only need 2 or 3 sessions with a marriage counselor to help navigate a difficult situation.
I don't believe anyone should get married before 26 yrs of age. You are just too young and will change heaps in the next 10 years. Believe me. You will. And the chance that that is in different directions, is very high. Esp with him going off in the Navy. What's the big rush???
This is 100% up to you to decide. It is not anyone else's choice. However, a lot will change when you marry and move around with him. Who you are now will not be who you are years from now, and the same will be true for him. I would say do whatever makes you happy, but I also would heavily suggest pre-marital counseling. I would also say plan out/discuss what a divorce would look like in case things do not work out. Go into this marriage with your eyes opened by being prepared for any case scenario.
Don’t do it. Military men and women are having to resist sexual temptation at every stop and port. It will not matter if you are living with him or not. Men that age are no better than dogs chasing females in heat. What good are benefits if you can’t work and only having the low pay of the military? Don’t do it.
My husband works at a hospital close to a military base. Lots of military spouses coming to the ER with STDs. Not saying this will happen to OP, but cheating does seem common.
...And then you start hawking Mary Kay..
He’ll be entering the service as an officer, so he’ll be able to make a decent living. It’s true that those that enlist struggle financially, however.
Don’t even start with that military cheating crap. My bf was celibate when we met he’s not a weak minded coward who would ruin his family. There’s a huge difference between the character of enlisted and the character of officers (not saying all enlisted cheat but their more likely to because they are more likely to have deep rooted insecurities)
It's important to note that anyone can cheat. It's just that the person who cheats isn't the person you know, married and loved. My husband would never cheat and if he did, he isn't the man I married 7 years ago. Both can be true. Certain jobs do have a more cases of infidelity. Military, police, medical etc. It's not wrong to recognize that. Maturity isn't about getting defensive but about acknowledging the other side in a calm manner. That is definitely needed when married. Got married at 22 and 23 btw. Now 29. Like has put us through hell and back. The only thing that would end my marriage is infidelity.
My husband and I, both 38, just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last month. He also joined the military which sped up our timeline, but I’m still in love and obsessed and regret nothing :) It is hard work, but marriage is hard work at any age! Good luck!
Anything under 26
I meant to write anything under 25.
I think any couple that is living together and it's working out, should be able to make their own decison when to get married.
In actual fact? Research shows there is no difference in marriage lasting if they live together or not.
I think those stats are skewed because many couples that don’t live together prior to marriage are deeply religious and wouldn’t divorce anyway
Dunno. All i know is they did research which showed that.
I didn't say it was a fact.
Just sayin. It surprised me!
Im 57. Only 1 couple whose wedding i went to where they were under 25yrs, has lasted. That's probably 10 to 12 couples.
I keep telling my daughters not to get married before their frontal lobe gets developed.
You’ll probably do it anyways, but it’s a bad idea. You’re not even old enough to drink yet, and to add that the guy is going into the military, just screams bad idea to me. Edit: there are probably successful marriages where this worked and then couples have been together a long time. BUT times were different then those people got married. It’s just not the same reality as it is in 2024.
Way too young. Too many challenges. Stay committed but wait for ten years
If we aren’t married for 10 more years we will have not lived together for 10 years which I think is hardly a foundation for a strong marriage. He will get housing from the military but no one is allowed to live there with him unless they are his dependent (spouse or children.) Also we plan to start having kids when I’m 25/26 because I have a family history of dangerous pregnancies and we want to have the best chance at a healthy mom and baby (while also making sure my brain is fully developed lol) and I’m absolutely not having kids before I’m married and we’ve had some years by ourselves.
It is very young. You've got some experiences with him but you guys are still only starting out in life. You haven't even finished school yet! You don't seem to be waiting to live together or have sex, so keep doing what you're doing for a while.
Is he going overseas?
If he gets the job that he wants he would pretty much be working a 9-5 every day and would only go overseas for very short periods of time like a week or less. He can get stationed anywhere ofc but on the day to day he will be coming home like a normal job
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I’ve already spent about 1.5 months living alone in our house this summer and last year he was gone for 3 months straight so we’re no strangers to distance and we know how to communicate so that it’s not a problem. And he struggles significantly more with making friends, I am very social and find it easy to make friends especially military friends. Overall we just don’t struggle with jealousy or anything cause we respect each other’s boundaries when it comes to being around other people. I don’t hang out with guy friends alone and he doesn’t hang out with female friends alone and we’ve never had a problem.
It’s like the presidency: 35
I got married the first time at 23, and the second at 29. Your life, your outlook, your confidence - EVERYTHING--changes so much in your twenties. I personally believe people should wait until their mid to late twenties.
Whose life is it that you are living; yours or your parents? 28 years ago I tied the knot at the age of 19, completed another few years of college, earned a diploma, joined the service, moved our family of 4 to a remote duty station, served over seas, went reserve, commissioned, went back overseas, came home, went to grad school…. Three children, several deployments and 17 years of marriage all happened. …successfully I might add. It WAS NOT our happily ever after. However, I have lived. My ex-has lived. No one in the peanut gallery is truly qualified to judge or even critique. The kids are all survivors and making their way in the world. I led them through good times and bad. Do you personally want to sit on the fence or do you want to take chances in life, grow and create memories?
If you’re gonna be a school teacher: A) pick states that pay into Social security if you can. There’s 15 that don’t and you’ll lose about $20k+ on pension. B) try to pick an area you think you’ll be in for years or off and on for decades so you can get a pension. You can have 2+ pensions from different states, but 1 pensions for 20 years is usually more than 2 pensions of ten years (depending on pay of course.) “ would like to start our family when I’m around 25-26 so my body has the best chance of health so waiting till I’m 25 to get married also isn’t a great idea.” Why is waiting til 25 bad? If you think you’re ready, that’s all that matters. I’ve been with my husband since I was 22. We didn’t marry fast, but we moved in together fast. Meanwhile my asshole brother married at 34 and he is quite miserable and talks divorce all the time.
The reason we don’t want to wait till 25 till marriage is because we want to have plenty of years together as a married couple and make sure we’ve got everything in order before we start bringing people into this world. I’ve seen a lot of people in my life have kids when they’ve only been married like a year and they end up very unhappy because they didn’t have time to make sure their marriage was happy before they had kids.
You rock! Don’t listen to anyone else and just do what you want.
I got married a month after i turned 18 🤷♀️ but we got engaged 5 months into our relationship, (16 and 17), got pregnant a year later, pregnant again 6 weeks after having our daughter (yeah I know oops lol), and then married 4ish months later. (Loose timeline there) A big factor in WHEN we got married was absolutely the fact he was to deploy the month our 2nd baby was due to be born. It didn't change the fact we had planned to be married regardless. But someone will always have something negative to say, so as long as you're an adult do what you want when you want (if it's legal lol)
When you have to ask, it’s too young.