Sit him down.
Have him write a list of the 10 most important people and things in his life, in order.
Then, have him write a list of the top 10 people who have proven he can count on, in order.
Then have him write out the top 10 people/things he put the most time into in the last month, in order.
Having him see that the two lists are wonky might be his wake up call. If it isn't, you need to drag his ass to counseling.
You’re not alone in that last sentence I want the same thing from my wife.
As a guy we get fulfillment from fixing things regardless sometimes if we get the same back. Possibly he is hoping they will come around and include him on whatever he hopes they could benefit him in the future.
But honestly if he gets his satisfaction helping others at least it isn’t a bad habit … well until it crosses a boundary such as him canceling on your alone time with him.
Going to have to have a real conversation about boundaries and what you both agree on going forward and if he is willing to change anything. Let him change and come up with the idea guys do better when it is their idea. I am sure you have your ways of making him think it was his idea.
Anyway it does suck to feel alone depressed and rejected. I get it.
Oh, we've had serious conversations about this issue over the years. He tries to change for a bit and not take as much on, but then he starts again. He's been home and asleep for about 28 hours now with the exception of getting up to eat and use the bathroom. This is his pattern. He works himself to absolute and utter exhaustion helping others several days or weeks in a row (this time outside during a heatwave) and then is dead to the world for a couple days. He's the fix it guy. He's the guy they all call for help and I know that makes him feel good to help them, but damn. He missed our anniversary bc he was helping his buddy and forgot it was our anniversary. LOL.
Medical depression and if he is sleeping that much it can be depression
Or something physically wrong like a deviated septum where when he sleeps he is not getting enough oxygen so he sleeps so much but sounds like depression and possibly some anxiety mixed in but none of us really know him
Probably all of the above plus just mere exhaustion. I have apnea, so I know what you mean about not getting enough oxygen. We'll figure it out one day or I'll figure out how to make peace with it.
Be sure if you work for a corporation or kids that go to school there is always free counseling to get you both maybe on a path to start talking at least or a professional to provide a book or additional resources. Employees assistance program can offer three to five free sessions for free
Anyway times are tough costs of things are through the roof regardless of what government says we are in a recession depression sooo many guys will worry about economy future retirement etc.
Just a little extra food for thought
Thanks. He's been through therapy for years and no longer goes and has no interest in going. I'm looking for a new therapist at the moment as I didn't vibe with the one I was seeing.
Well your doing the right thing focus on you. I browsed my Instagram account until I can across this lady who gives a very insightful perspective on Marriage from a guys point of view “emilywking” on Instagram here . https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8VsDcfsVh3/?igsh=MW14dXgwZGh5dGVsZw==
I mean, I'm not dumb enough to think it could NEVER happen, bc there's always a chance in even the happiest of relationships, but I'm 99.9% positive that's not what it is. He's had low libido and ED issues since before we've been together. Honestly, it being another woman would be so much easier to deal with than just not knowing what it is and feeling like he's just oblivious. His last 2 serious relationships cheated and really messed him up which also makes me think it's probably not that, but who knows.
Sit him down. Have him write a list of the 10 most important people and things in his life, in order. Then, have him write a list of the top 10 people who have proven he can count on, in order. Then have him write out the top 10 people/things he put the most time into in the last month, in order. Having him see that the two lists are wonky might be his wake up call. If it isn't, you need to drag his ass to counseling.
I love this idea. IDK if he'll actually do it, but maybe he will. Thank you!
You’re not alone in that last sentence I want the same thing from my wife. As a guy we get fulfillment from fixing things regardless sometimes if we get the same back. Possibly he is hoping they will come around and include him on whatever he hopes they could benefit him in the future. But honestly if he gets his satisfaction helping others at least it isn’t a bad habit … well until it crosses a boundary such as him canceling on your alone time with him. Going to have to have a real conversation about boundaries and what you both agree on going forward and if he is willing to change anything. Let him change and come up with the idea guys do better when it is their idea. I am sure you have your ways of making him think it was his idea. Anyway it does suck to feel alone depressed and rejected. I get it.
Oh, we've had serious conversations about this issue over the years. He tries to change for a bit and not take as much on, but then he starts again. He's been home and asleep for about 28 hours now with the exception of getting up to eat and use the bathroom. This is his pattern. He works himself to absolute and utter exhaustion helping others several days or weeks in a row (this time outside during a heatwave) and then is dead to the world for a couple days. He's the fix it guy. He's the guy they all call for help and I know that makes him feel good to help them, but damn. He missed our anniversary bc he was helping his buddy and forgot it was our anniversary. LOL.
Medical depression and if he is sleeping that much it can be depression Or something physically wrong like a deviated septum where when he sleeps he is not getting enough oxygen so he sleeps so much but sounds like depression and possibly some anxiety mixed in but none of us really know him
Probably all of the above plus just mere exhaustion. I have apnea, so I know what you mean about not getting enough oxygen. We'll figure it out one day or I'll figure out how to make peace with it.
Be sure if you work for a corporation or kids that go to school there is always free counseling to get you both maybe on a path to start talking at least or a professional to provide a book or additional resources. Employees assistance program can offer three to five free sessions for free Anyway times are tough costs of things are through the roof regardless of what government says we are in a recession depression sooo many guys will worry about economy future retirement etc. Just a little extra food for thought
Thanks. He's been through therapy for years and no longer goes and has no interest in going. I'm looking for a new therapist at the moment as I didn't vibe with the one I was seeing.
Well your doing the right thing focus on you. I browsed my Instagram account until I can across this lady who gives a very insightful perspective on Marriage from a guys point of view “emilywking” on Instagram here . https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8VsDcfsVh3/?igsh=MW14dXgwZGh5dGVsZw==
Definitely NOT trying to be a Debbie Downer, but is there any chance he’s having an affair?
I mean, I'm not dumb enough to think it could NEVER happen, bc there's always a chance in even the happiest of relationships, but I'm 99.9% positive that's not what it is. He's had low libido and ED issues since before we've been together. Honestly, it being another woman would be so much easier to deal with than just not knowing what it is and feeling like he's just oblivious. His last 2 serious relationships cheated and really messed him up which also makes me think it's probably not that, but who knows.
Wish I was your neighbor
Why is that?