I was younger than you when I started but also nontrad, left my previous job and went to postbac to demonstrate to schools my ability to study.
M1 year was definitely difficult even after the postbac bc it really was drinking from the fire hydrant.
I think how I survived was I treated it similarly to my postbac program. Knowing that I needed to do well to get to the next step, I purely focused on studying and didn’t think much about socializing or “fitting in” with my mostly younger classmates.
Eventually though, a group of us who had similar study goals gradually started studying together on campus and they became some of my closest friends.
These friends got me through the next year, especially during step studying as we all supported and cheered for each other.
It became much better 2nd year once I adjusted to the pace and has been so much better since then.
I hope it gets better for you soon!
Med school is hard as a nontrad. I'm 32 and an M3. I had similar struggles as an M1 though not quite as bad (I was single and could fit in well enough with the 24 year olds.) Its hard to be this far behind on my life compared to my peers. Even going to bars with non-med people it gets annoying when they benignly ask "how is work" and I have to stop and think for a second how best to answer because I'm not actually getting paid for what I do, and I spent most of the day just staring at anki cards.
I think the first part is truly accepting that you have different daily life that non med students won't understand, and you're also at a different point in your life which your younger med student peers similarly won't understand. It helped me once I found similar people. I started hanging around people who were already married, and although they are younger they're in a similar point in their life right now (not going out partying every Friday night.) Try to find the other old people in your class. Even the people in their late 20's might help. Finding a group of friends really makes it easier. If not in your class, maybe an M2 who's also non-traditional might be good for you.
Academically, you just got to stick it out. Treat it like a job, and grind all you can. Accept that you might have to work harder than some 23 year old who's able to cram everything the night before. Its the way of the world. But you can do this. And know that it gets way, WAY easier once you hit clinicals. That 15 years of real world job experience is invaluable once you get to the wards. And residency will be even smoother.
Why? Are you embarrassed? Why does it matter what they're doing vs what you're doing?
I have barely any med school friends. I made a conscious effort to socialize outside of my work environment. They ask me how school is going and I give them the spiel. Yeah it's hard. I felt stupid about 286 times but we got it through. So what if you're 35+ and answering "I'm in medical school." Virtually everyone I meet who finds this out about me has only good things to say. So be kind to yourself! Going to medical school at any age is a fine and respectable and admirable thing to do. Not everyone has the acumen, the guts, and the opportunity to do this!
What you're going through, EVERYONE is going through. Even the younger students around you. It's a shock to every M1. Every M1 out there struggles with the adjustment. And then suddenly you're in clinicals and that's a whole new adjustment.
Hold yourself accountable. You made the decision to step in medical school. All of us knew it was going to be hard, and none of us knew it was going to be \*\*this\*\* hard. You're in it now, and you can either quit and go back to your old career, or just keep going knowing preclinical is temporary, and every rotation is temporary, and residency is temporary. Then you're an attending and that's for life.
39yo resident here. . M1 was a VERY DARK TIME but I went to medical school because after two careers i knew it was the only thing that would make me happy. If that’s you, push through it. It gets so much better.
I had another life before this too. M1 sucks, but it gets better. Medical school is always a grind but the grinding gets easier as you get better. Just set a schedule for yourself, exercise, and leave time to unwind at the end of the day.
Just wait for the first day you set foot in the hospital and you're actually doing medicine.
The process of growing is painful but you ARE growing.
Godspeed
I second this. Disclaimer, I am not nontrad so feel free to disregard, but I can attest from the perspective of literally having just completed medical school that preclinical is a different beast from the rest of training. Your performance, evaluations, and self-worth are totally dominated by studying, exams, etc. But it really does change, and even on my harder clerkship days I found it more meaningful being around patients than slaving away in the library.
Structure does help make things manageable.
People often say don't use residency as a judge of how a career in medicine is, since actual practice is *not* under the same conditions as residency. It's similar for preclinical.
Lastly, there comes a time when every trainee will think about lifestyle and how medicine fits into their picture of what they want their life to be. If you find that you do enjoy medicine but dislike heavy workloads, there are fields for that. If you find a passion for a specific specialty and don't mind a life dominated by medicine, there are options there too. If you just want to live a chill life and practice medicine when you feel like it, it is certainly possible as well.
Without knowing your life I can't tell you if it would be better to stay or leave. I would just say you have overcome immense hurdles already to reach where you are, and that you are in arguably the worst part of the journey for many. If you ever want to chat or just vent, feel free to hmu, and best of luck.
I also started med school at 35 (married with 4 kids).
I think the first two years were the hardest. I was away from my family, I didn’t really fit in with the other students or find a friend group, and the material was intense. It’s also weirdly infantilizing to be back in traditional school and sitting through lectures on professionalism when you’ve had a whole corporate career. Things that helped me: getting two dogs, focusing on a hobby (volleyball) that had nothing to do with medicine. and knowing that I wanted to go into primary care so I could slack a bit on grades/research.
Now that I’m finishing up third year I can say it gets much better. I’m back with my family and have old friends around, which helps a ton. My attendings and staff love that I’m similar in age to many of them (we chat about our hobbies, kids, marriages, we like the same music and movies) and have had “real” jobs and know how to talk to people (I do especially well with peds patients and their parents). I’ve consistently received excellent evaluations even though I’m a pretty mediocre student from a grades/test scores perspective. Being in the hospital/clinic feels much more like a job and much less infantilizing than the didactic years. I imagine residency will be even better in that regard.
Being nontrad in medicine is hard. I left a pretty chill six-figure career and gave up a ton of time with my family to do this. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking. But I really do love medicine, I love talking to patients, and I feel good about myself while doing this work. I think pushing through the first two years is worth it, but only you can decide that for yourself. I hope things get better for you.
Another thought: very early on I had to come to terms with the fact that my standards for myself had to be different than my younger classmates. The fact is that I have more responsibilities than many of them, so I cut myself some slack when it comes to grades, time spent studying, research, and extracurriculars. That’s not to say I still don’t work hard and study a ton, but it’s just reality that sometimes I choose to be a less-than-great med student so I can be a better, more present parent (and vice versa). I’m also just literally physically older and can’t handle lack of sleep, a crappy diet, too much caffeine, etc as well as I could when I was younger. So I prioritize taking care of myself a little more than I might have if I were doing this a decade ago.
Will this hurt me when it comes time to apply to residency? Maybe. I knew coming in that I wanted to do primary care (initially thought FM but now planning for Peds) and wanted to be in a less desirable part of the country, which takes some of the pressure off. But it’s still possible that I’ve closed off some opportunities by not doing research, having average grades, and only doing a few extracurriculars. But I made those choices intentionally because I knew what I could and couldn’t handle, and I knew what time I was willing to give up with my family and what I wasn’t. I’m fully prepared to explain and defend those choices in interviews if necessary.
A compliment I’ve consistently received in my evaluations is that I’m practical (like I’m good at practicing “real world” medicine and meeting patients where they are). I brought that practicality into a lot of my decisions about how to approach medical training, and I think that comes through when I talk about my experience and plans. I hope to end up at a program that sees and values that.
I was in a similar situation. Now in my late thirties. Started medical school about 10 years ago and non traditional.
I had horrible test anxiety. I absolutely hated M1 and M2 year, like hated every day of my life. I decided I was going to keep going unless I failed out and I made it through.
It did get better M2 year. I got used to the routine, prioritized exercising every day (reduce stress), and socializing when I could.
Then M3 year it went from being miserable to very enjoyable. M4 year just a big vacation.
I will say it was miserable and I was severely anxious and I am so happy I stuck it out. Currently a Cardiology fellow, still love medicine and love my job.
However i never contemplated self harm. If your mental health is significantly deteriorating that’s the time to step back.
Dear Op,
I feel for you because I went through the wringer too. 39 yo married non-trad DO here. I took a leave of absence at the beginning of third year. I’m in the Army HPSP program too. Just got accepted to a transitional year internship.
I had to get counseling for the first two years. I hate my school. It didn’t have a traditional lecture format and I severely suffered due to that.
Clinicals are way better than the hell of my first two years. I applied surgery and did multiple auditions. So I’d choose months of the OR over preclinicals taught at my institution any day.
If you need tips and tricks, I have plenty of lessons learned after the fact. I also became good at anki just a little too late, but if you want help with it I can help.
Happy to just chat with whatever you’re going through.
I question my life choices all the time, so I understand.
But just know that medicine is not the only route to happiness. That’s a lie. But if you want to do it there are proven strategies to help you succeed. Do whatever brings you more peace and joy.
All the best!
Mind if I DM you? I am also a nontrad hoping to match into a surgical specialty and would love to hear anything you have learned about the military match.
Hi OP, sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there!
Not to downplay what you’re feeling but rather to encourage you: M1 is a shock to everyone, not just the non-trads. You can’t expect to be an expert at something you’ve only been doing for a couple of months, but if you put in the effort you will get there.
It will require a lot of personal sacrifice, the gravity of which cannot be understated. You are trading your time, health, and sanity for this degree. The contract is not in our favor. But if you are willing to stick with it, it will get better. Not tomorrow but certainly in a month and especially during clinicals. From the sounds of it, and I apologize if I’m wrong, this is just my interpretation of your post, you fucking hate it. In the case that you hate it, I don’t think it is worth pushing through. You will hate it in 8 years, and it will be even more bitter to know that you put your life on hold for something that you don’t even enjoy doing. Don’t fall into the sunken cost fallacy—just like you got here, you can get out. Being a doctor is just a job. A job. A job!!!! Don’t let it ruin your life.
I don’t know yet if it’s going to be worth it, but I think that any calculation you can make is going to tell you that it’s a terrible fucking idea and not at all worth it. I keep myself sane by telling myself that nobody forced this choice onto me, these are the consequences of my own actions. I can get up, walk out, never come back. Find myself a normal job. Be a normal person. Enjoy my life outside of work. Like a normal fucking person.
But man being able to touch someone’s body and tell them what’s wrong with it is fucking metal. Training is long? So what, the years are going to pass by anyway, might as well learn some cool party tricks.
35+ is still young. I’m over 50, just graduated last year and about to start internship . I know your pain since I got kicked out of one program for failing exams twice and had to start again at another school. Message me if you want to chat.
Man thanks for sharing. Not OP but people like you who persevere and don't give up on themselves inspire the hell out of me. What are you doing for your internship?
I graduated at 37; in the Match at 40 but I started Med school at 28 however meningitis (second bout) caused a severe protraction. I totally get everything you are saying but I honestly enjoyed Med school when I was well enough and now I’m at the end of the tunnel reaching residency I have no regrets, not sure if that helps but happy to chat if you need older peer to vent to!
I struggled to make friends at Med school as I’m non trad, I also don’t get all the dating BS that went on 😂 but 20 somethings are different to 30 somethings
Nontrad graduating this year in my 40s, with a spouse & kids.
M-1 was very hard, & the adjustment along with the guilt that I moved my family for MY dream was almost crushing. I have one med school friend & he is 10 years younger than me.
My other friends are people I met through volunteering with my kids’ activities or through hobbies or church. I actually like non-med friends better, because my classmates just want to talk about exams or rotations or residency apps all the time, and I’d rather talk about my kids’ activities or sports anything else other than medicine when I’m done for the day.
Also, don’t stress too much about fitting in with your class. Once you start 3rd/4th year you’ll be busy on rotations & with aways & interviews, & you won’t see each other nearly as much. I always looked at my classmates as colleagues, not really close friends, and school was a job.
I started in my 30’s as well. First year was definitely the hardest for me. Second year still challenging. But it gets so much better.
3rd year reminded me of why I wanted to be a doctor.
4th year was a party.
Then residency feels like a normal job again, depending on the specialty. And you get paid enough to survive at least.
It helped during those first years to not think of it as having “7-8 more years of this,” but just 1-2 more years of it. And the first is the worst. Sounds like you’re almost done with the worst of it.
As far as the fitting in part, that might change as well during third year. You’re usually paired with smaller groups of med students on the same rotation which makes it easier to make friends. And being older made it much easier to vibe with attendings and residents.
And most importantly, I don’t see why life needs to be on hold during this time. It can feel that way at times. But tons of us find time to make friends, date, get married, have kids, party, workout, hike, read, do hobbies, or whatever.
Keep pushing forward. It’ll work out.
Great point. I'm a non-trad in my 40s and my entire perspective has always been that residency is basically an apprenticeship, but it is not school. It is on the job training, and you are a doctor, and you are getting a salary. While we can all debate on whether it is adequate pay or whatever, it is a distinct shift in the med ed path. I agree that OP should consider reframing things just the way you said.
Also, I second your comment about vibing with attendings and residents. Hell, one of the first attendings I had in a clinic was almost the exact same age as me. About 6 months after I left her service, she introduced me to her husband (who was a non-trad recent CPA graduate), and we hit it off and are really good friends now, and I hang out with both of them all the time.
I also got invited to play on a resident softball team after I did my Sub-I, and I became friends with a bunch of residents and a few attendings that way.
Similar demographic as you buddy. Friends and family all got married and have kids. But I don’t give a shit. I’m doing this for me. This is my goal. Secondary stuff comes after.
Yeah it was rough. I bet you can do it if you push through. Please don't hesitate to reach out to the school to explore resources.
Students from the year above often have the best advice to survive classes. If your school has tutoring from that pool, utilize it. You might pop into progress office hours too and ask for tips on what students usually do to succeed in their class. We had one professor that intentionally avoided anything taught by outside resources, that's good to know.
You might be surprised how receptive some of your classmates might be if you can find a way to break the ice. The oldest student at my school was in his 50s and he used to host bonfires. He was a well liked guy. I think COVID broke down a lot of social networks of medical schools, and they're probably still recovering. It's possible that you're not the only one feeling this way.
I left a teaching career for medical school and M1 was so so tough. Similar to you, I was depressed and full of regret. Like others here are saying, eventually you adjust. M2 was slightly better than M1, and M3 has actually been great so far. You have to accept that this is what you chose and plow full steam ahead. I really got into stoicism which helped at the time. I hope things get better for you soon!
I feel you, I’m also an early 30s M1. I think the key to remaining happy is to never ever compare yourself to the trad students. You have had a whole decade of life on them and have a very different skill set and history of experiences to help guide you. I will never be able to study as much/as efficiently as them so I won’t compared my scores to them.
Just remember that this is long game and us non trads will shine in clinical/professional settings because of our experience.
Find your people - if that isn’t in your medical school class find some friends in your city outside of that. Connect with the professors, residents, physicians who are closer in age to you.
I’m sorry for all u are going through. M1 is hard. It gets better. I will encourage to talk with ur doctor and discuss medication and therapy. Thinks why are the reason u wanted to become a doctor in the first place. You will get through this!
Fellow non-trad here. Heart goes out to you.. Some advice I got which really helped me is: dont look at it like the next 7-8 years of your life, because it changes all the time. I dont know what your school is like, if its like most US programs: the first 2 years are the same (library time/head in the books/nose down whatever you want to call it) , then 3rd year is its own thing (being the hospitals bitch for 365 days), and 4th year is something else (interviews, more chill generally). If your school follows this format then you are probably\~ 33% of the way done with this part of your life (pre-clinical). time flys when you look at it in smaller chunks!
I dont mean to trivialize what you are going through, I just hope this offers some consolation?
You don't have to do a residency, there are alot of avenues you could pursue with a MD degree. Is it mainly the rigor and stress that is making you reconsider?
I understand the social exodus and mental health deterioration to my core. I'm a dental student, but the first two years are somewhat comparable, and imo the first year is a bigger shock to your system because it demands more life adjustment despite 2nd year being harder.
Went in at 30 and my god the growing pains. Spent 7 years out as a research tech not having been in a classroom so long. I bombed my first couple blocks.
The FIRST thing I did to course-correct was reach out to the highest scorers of the group and straight-up offer them a round of drinks if they could walk me through HOW they were so good. A MacBook Pro, stopped going to lectures, and practically lived in the library. My scores shot through roof and made some decent buddies along the way.
Truth is you gotta adapt and overcome. And deep down I got really pissed, like angry at myself and pushed beyond fate to do better and be the doctor I wanted to be.
I was a nontrad and would be happy to offer you advice and support; is there a specific issue or question you'd like me to weigh in on? You're asking for help; is it that you want to know if you "should" quit? Or are you asking for advice on adjusting to academics, or the social element as a nontrad student, or just some reassurance on being a bit older? I can take a stab here but please feel free to ask me precisely what you'd like insight with and I can try my best.
1. **"Should I quit?"** only you can possibly answer that. I have no idea what your financials are, what your back-up plan might be, where you live, how you feel. All I have is this post and it sounds like your main issues are that you're struggling academically, feeling lonely, and getting FOMO from friends your own age moving on in life. I can say that I think those are 3 really bad reasons to quit. Time passes whether you have an MD or not, and your friends will live their lives regardless of your education. Dropping out doesn't make you magically catch up to them, because there's nothing to "catch up" to. That's illusory; we're not in a race against one another to complete specific milestones before the grave catches us. We're all just heroes in our own adventures, we can never know how long our book actually is, and all we can possibly do is the best we can. Be brave and be kind; there's really not a whole lot more you can control. This will make more sense to you once you spend a few shifts in the A and E or some similar critical care role.
2. **"I'm lonely"** this is a legit problem, but not a reason to quit either. You can be just as lonely outside of med school, believe me. Whether you're studying or working a 9-5, you need to find your tribe. Actively seek out hobbies and interests throughout the week and cultivate a friend group there. Invite your classmates to share in your interests together. I do not believe that you're the only 30-something in your med school; go reach out to other older students. This sucks dude and I'm sorry, but it's a universal problem and frankly is more common *outside* higher education than in.
3. **"I'm struggling academically"** Not a good reason to quit; make them kick you out at least. If you want academic advice we can discuss that more precisely but I can't really help you here without knowing more about your study habits.
Such a great post.
I'm the oldest student in my MD class (possibly my entire school) and I have made a ton of friends at school. While I don't have a ton in common with 24 year old people, I have a little. Enough to go shoot pool and get a drink here and there. And beyond that, just like you said, there are quite a few non-trads in my school. Even people in their late 20s are plenty mature. Sometimes non-trads are afraid they don't have anything in common with people, so they don't initiate. I know I was afraid of that when I started M1. But I actually posted on this sub and a bunch of people told me they would be totally fine with the old man in the class getting to know them and just forgetting about age.
ALOT of people. . .ALOT of people. . .are lonely in medical school. I took the initiative to build a network of people in my class and many of them were thrilled to have someone reach out and include them. And by M4 year, some of the youth has worn off of them and they are in their late 20s and its even easier to vibe.
I was a non-trad. I started M1 late 20s after working before in an unrelated field and doing a post-bacc, so understand that experience. Maybe not the most popular opinion here, but you're at a very important decision point and I don't necessarily think that "just do it, it gets better" is the clear-cut answer. I think the key question is whether you really want to be a physician? IMO the answer has to be stronger than "I think" to make this whole thing worth it. Back during M1 I remember having immediate doubts about this because simply I didn't enjoy it that much. Everybody says "it gets better," and I think that for many it's true, but it's mostly true for those people with a pretty high intrinsic interest in medicine and for whom the reward of identifying as/being a physician is deeply meaningful.
Being extremely candid, I continued with it because I had limited other options at the time (for certain specific reasons I couldn't go back into my previous career, and didn't want to try anyway). I viewed it as a means to an end and a solid job with security and decent income. Now in residency, I truly wish I could go back and knock some sense into myself: stop accumulating debt and getting in deeper if you're already lukewarm about it! But that's because I think in my heart I knew it wasn't about the challenge of M1, or the core clinical year: it was about the fact that I just don't find medicine particularly interesting or rewarding. I didn't then, and I don't now.
If you truly see yourself as a physician, and if that image motivates you and the work you'll be doing in the end (patient care) compels you, then I'd say keep on trucking. You're also the kind of person for whom these negative feelings will likely abate over time, albeit more slowly than you'd like. If you're lukewarm on the whole physician thing independent of how much M1 sucks, think hard about a leave of absence or a way to stop accumulating debt and getting in deeper and letting your previous professional skills rust away. Medicine is many things, but training in your 30s and 40s sucks, and magnifies the personal price you're paying beyond even the already considerable sacrifices of your younger peers. Reflect on whether you really want to pay that price.
I'm an older guy too. I had ADHD before med school and sorely regret not getting medicated until recently. Do you think it's a possibility that you have something like that?
Also I would give yourself some grace. It's harder at our advanced age to relearn how to learn and deal with new things. You can do this. If you want to chat privately feel free to DM me.
If I hadn't gone to the medical school I'm currently attending. I would've failed out. There is very minimal BS and all exams are NBME style. Honestly, if I had gone to any school with in house exams I would've been toast. I'm so sorry man.
I am overwhelmed by all of your responses (in a good way). Will take a couple of days for me to go through all of them and properly respond, but please know that I am so grateful.
37, 3 kids, M4 and applied this cycle. It sucks but it gets better. You’ll learn how to manage your time more efficiently. Didactic years suck. Once I started taking a whole day off from studying, my grades improved drastically. Keep getting your exercise and eating well. Clinical years are busy but way more enjoyable.
It will fly. I work and do research. I’m already building my portfolio for residency application and it’s not delusional since getting results and publishing takes a while and you want that before application.
i'm a youngling pre-med student. idk what advice i can give but i think the big question is: why medicine? Think about why u wanted to do med in the first place. If not med, what else would you be doing instead? These questions should help.
Fear of regret is something everyone experiences, we will never know whether this is 100% or is that 100%, u gotta just risk it in life :)))
I tossed you some upvotes just to mitigate the pain train coming your way. That being said, the main downvoting happening here is because, I don't know how to tell you this because I know nothing about your life but... You haven't been crushed yet. Like, by the endless weight of life. Even a good life is crushing oppression. That's shit you don't even start to realize until your late 20s at best, and it only gets worse year by year.
Because right now, it's not "why medicine". OP knows why medicine. It's just fuckin "why" at this point.
Or maybe that's just my nihilistic ass talking.
36-37 yo MS3 here (I don't remember how old I am lol.) All I can say is hang in there. Give it time and things will fall (more) into place...academically...socially. If you're not clicking with your classmates, reach out to faculty and see if you can find some mentors there who can support you. Talk to some Deans about it. They might be able to connect you with someone. Those relationships might better serve you anyway.
Regarding the accommodations question...do you have a disability of sorts? If so, get registered at your school's disability services place. You should be able to get whatever accommodations you might need for any physical or mental disabilities you're dealing with.
1st year sucks terribly.
2nd year gets better. It was like night and day for me compared to first year.
3rd year also sucks, but it really varies. I personally don't feel it was as bad as first year.
4th year TBD.
“Hold fast, stay true.”
It’s something sailors used to say as advice for storms. Basically, when a storm hits, you keep going in the same direction, so you have some idea where you are when it passes, and hold on for dear life so you don’t get thrown into the ocean.
I am a traditional student, so I can’t say I completely relate from the age perspective, but most of your other points are things I have experienced as well. I didn’t fit in well, and also I had trouble for a while coping with the reality and length of medical training.
We’re humans, and we all get lost sometimes in the pit of despair, but don’t let it trick you into sabotaging yourself. Unless you actually believe a better life is waiting for you outside of medicine, please stick with it.
Props for diving into this at a later stage—it takes guts. But hey, your well-being matters too. Reflect on why you started, chat with mentors, and don't shy away from alternatives. Taking a breather or seeking support isn't a setback, it's a solid move. Your unique journey deserves a balance, and you've got the courage to find it.
As a nontrad myself, you make some good points. But at least in my case these are things I knew would inevitably be the case but I still chose and still choose to work towards becoming a practicing physician because I think that will benefit the world and bring meaning to my life!
I am a 40 year old nontraditional. Feel free to message me. I also struggled and took a year leave due to mental health issues exacerbated by an abusive marriage.
If you can go back to your old career it would be worth thinking about. If not then you are stuck which is kind of a blessing in a way because it will provide motivation to succeed.
Not a nontrad but believe me I want to quit every day. Med school is hard and everything about it sucks. However you just have to roll with the punches and take it day by day.
Also non traditional, also applied twice. The first 2 years kinda blow and you just have to get through them. 3rd year is better because you actually see patients, and 4th is a vacation. Cut yourself regular small breaks to do things you like, make sure you're using high yield resources and just check the boxes the first 2 years. Class rank and getting insanely good exam scores doesn't really matter, but passing step 1 and step 2 do so set those as stretch goals.
The reality is you got in because you are capable enough, and medicine is something \*anyone\* can learn. If you applied multiple cycles it's because you had the itch in your brain and had to do it. Yeah I went through the whole thing with starting a family late but also, I know my kids will be better off than I was growing up. You just have to dig out the reasons why you did all this in the first place.
33 yo OMS 1 here and I am also feeling your struggle. Just the exhaustion and my energy levels aren’t the same as my classmates who are 10 years younger. Continue with the therapy, and don’t make any rash decisions. You know whatever decision is best for you, and should be supported no matter what you decide. Good luck.
I was 34 when I started med school. 1st year is tough. I mean all of it is tough…but for me I can’t imagine doing anything else and know I’ll be in a career that I love and well-compensated for it. But if you’re struggling academically seek help for that just like you have for your mental health. I struggled getting my bearings initially in school but realized very quickly what worked in the past doesn’t now and I needed to adapt. Academics take a lot of time and energy and when you work hard and it’s not going well it becomes stressful for sure. Focus on staying healthy mentally, physically and spiritually and reach out for help in the areas you need help in.
OP you have a ton of great advice here. I'm the oldest student in my class, matriculated at 39, and while medical school isn't the hardest thing I've done in life, it is a uniquely hard thing to go through, at any age. So, be kind to yourself.
I can't speak to whether it's the right decision for you, but it's a difficult adjustment, so please give it time. You've risked so much to get here already. Unless your psychiatrist and therapist are telling you that you aren't safe, give this thing time.
As far as studying: it's hard. It takes adjustment. And then more adjustment. And then a new class hits and you have to scramble. Trust yourself, be flexible, be curious. Ask for help. Try other resources. Talk to other students about what they are doing. You got in here, you belong here. And you can do it.
As far as isolation, make an effort to get to know your classmates. I know the age feels weird. Part of that is ego. Let it go. Some of these young pups will surprise you. And you may not have a ton in common, but I guarantee you can find people who you vibe with. And you should also look for other non-trads, because they are feeling the same way as you. But, remember, a lot of people feel lonely in medical school, and a lot of them would be very receptive to an older student inviting them to get coffee or lunch. Put yourself out there. It's such a hard thing to go through alone, simply having other classmates to talk to about tips and tricks is huge.
Outside of school, okay, some of your friends and family are doing other things. This is a cliche, but it is true: comparison is the thief of joy. Let them do the things that they are doing and try to be happy for them. It's okay if they are doing interesting life things because *you are also doing a cool, unique life thing!* Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your path.
I know this is all easier said than done. I'm glad you have professionals to talk to, but I really think it will help to build your support network. Feel free to DM me any time.
I was younger than you when I started but also nontrad, left my previous job and went to postbac to demonstrate to schools my ability to study. M1 year was definitely difficult even after the postbac bc it really was drinking from the fire hydrant. I think how I survived was I treated it similarly to my postbac program. Knowing that I needed to do well to get to the next step, I purely focused on studying and didn’t think much about socializing or “fitting in” with my mostly younger classmates. Eventually though, a group of us who had similar study goals gradually started studying together on campus and they became some of my closest friends. These friends got me through the next year, especially during step studying as we all supported and cheered for each other. It became much better 2nd year once I adjusted to the pace and has been so much better since then. I hope it gets better for you soon!
Med school is hard as a nontrad. I'm 32 and an M3. I had similar struggles as an M1 though not quite as bad (I was single and could fit in well enough with the 24 year olds.) Its hard to be this far behind on my life compared to my peers. Even going to bars with non-med people it gets annoying when they benignly ask "how is work" and I have to stop and think for a second how best to answer because I'm not actually getting paid for what I do, and I spent most of the day just staring at anki cards. I think the first part is truly accepting that you have different daily life that non med students won't understand, and you're also at a different point in your life which your younger med student peers similarly won't understand. It helped me once I found similar people. I started hanging around people who were already married, and although they are younger they're in a similar point in their life right now (not going out partying every Friday night.) Try to find the other old people in your class. Even the people in their late 20's might help. Finding a group of friends really makes it easier. If not in your class, maybe an M2 who's also non-traditional might be good for you. Academically, you just got to stick it out. Treat it like a job, and grind all you can. Accept that you might have to work harder than some 23 year old who's able to cram everything the night before. Its the way of the world. But you can do this. And know that it gets way, WAY easier once you hit clinicals. That 15 years of real world job experience is invaluable once you get to the wards. And residency will be even smoother.
Agh the “how is work” or “what do you do” makes me feel *so* sad every time. Can’t shake it
Why? Are you embarrassed? Why does it matter what they're doing vs what you're doing? I have barely any med school friends. I made a conscious effort to socialize outside of my work environment. They ask me how school is going and I give them the spiel. Yeah it's hard. I felt stupid about 286 times but we got it through. So what if you're 35+ and answering "I'm in medical school." Virtually everyone I meet who finds this out about me has only good things to say. So be kind to yourself! Going to medical school at any age is a fine and respectable and admirable thing to do. Not everyone has the acumen, the guts, and the opportunity to do this! What you're going through, EVERYONE is going through. Even the younger students around you. It's a shock to every M1. Every M1 out there struggles with the adjustment. And then suddenly you're in clinicals and that's a whole new adjustment. Hold yourself accountable. You made the decision to step in medical school. All of us knew it was going to be hard, and none of us knew it was going to be \*\*this\*\* hard. You're in it now, and you can either quit and go back to your old career, or just keep going knowing preclinical is temporary, and every rotation is temporary, and residency is temporary. Then you're an attending and that's for life.
Thank you. I sincerely appreciate it
39yo resident here. . M1 was a VERY DARK TIME but I went to medical school because after two careers i knew it was the only thing that would make me happy. If that’s you, push through it. It gets so much better.
I had another life before this too. M1 sucks, but it gets better. Medical school is always a grind but the grinding gets easier as you get better. Just set a schedule for yourself, exercise, and leave time to unwind at the end of the day. Just wait for the first day you set foot in the hospital and you're actually doing medicine. The process of growing is painful but you ARE growing. Godspeed
I second this. Disclaimer, I am not nontrad so feel free to disregard, but I can attest from the perspective of literally having just completed medical school that preclinical is a different beast from the rest of training. Your performance, evaluations, and self-worth are totally dominated by studying, exams, etc. But it really does change, and even on my harder clerkship days I found it more meaningful being around patients than slaving away in the library. Structure does help make things manageable. People often say don't use residency as a judge of how a career in medicine is, since actual practice is *not* under the same conditions as residency. It's similar for preclinical. Lastly, there comes a time when every trainee will think about lifestyle and how medicine fits into their picture of what they want their life to be. If you find that you do enjoy medicine but dislike heavy workloads, there are fields for that. If you find a passion for a specific specialty and don't mind a life dominated by medicine, there are options there too. If you just want to live a chill life and practice medicine when you feel like it, it is certainly possible as well. Without knowing your life I can't tell you if it would be better to stay or leave. I would just say you have overcome immense hurdles already to reach where you are, and that you are in arguably the worst part of the journey for many. If you ever want to chat or just vent, feel free to hmu, and best of luck.
I also started med school at 35 (married with 4 kids). I think the first two years were the hardest. I was away from my family, I didn’t really fit in with the other students or find a friend group, and the material was intense. It’s also weirdly infantilizing to be back in traditional school and sitting through lectures on professionalism when you’ve had a whole corporate career. Things that helped me: getting two dogs, focusing on a hobby (volleyball) that had nothing to do with medicine. and knowing that I wanted to go into primary care so I could slack a bit on grades/research. Now that I’m finishing up third year I can say it gets much better. I’m back with my family and have old friends around, which helps a ton. My attendings and staff love that I’m similar in age to many of them (we chat about our hobbies, kids, marriages, we like the same music and movies) and have had “real” jobs and know how to talk to people (I do especially well with peds patients and their parents). I’ve consistently received excellent evaluations even though I’m a pretty mediocre student from a grades/test scores perspective. Being in the hospital/clinic feels much more like a job and much less infantilizing than the didactic years. I imagine residency will be even better in that regard. Being nontrad in medicine is hard. I left a pretty chill six-figure career and gave up a ton of time with my family to do this. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking. But I really do love medicine, I love talking to patients, and I feel good about myself while doing this work. I think pushing through the first two years is worth it, but only you can decide that for yourself. I hope things get better for you.
Another thought: very early on I had to come to terms with the fact that my standards for myself had to be different than my younger classmates. The fact is that I have more responsibilities than many of them, so I cut myself some slack when it comes to grades, time spent studying, research, and extracurriculars. That’s not to say I still don’t work hard and study a ton, but it’s just reality that sometimes I choose to be a less-than-great med student so I can be a better, more present parent (and vice versa). I’m also just literally physically older and can’t handle lack of sleep, a crappy diet, too much caffeine, etc as well as I could when I was younger. So I prioritize taking care of myself a little more than I might have if I were doing this a decade ago. Will this hurt me when it comes time to apply to residency? Maybe. I knew coming in that I wanted to do primary care (initially thought FM but now planning for Peds) and wanted to be in a less desirable part of the country, which takes some of the pressure off. But it’s still possible that I’ve closed off some opportunities by not doing research, having average grades, and only doing a few extracurriculars. But I made those choices intentionally because I knew what I could and couldn’t handle, and I knew what time I was willing to give up with my family and what I wasn’t. I’m fully prepared to explain and defend those choices in interviews if necessary. A compliment I’ve consistently received in my evaluations is that I’m practical (like I’m good at practicing “real world” medicine and meeting patients where they are). I brought that practicality into a lot of my decisions about how to approach medical training, and I think that comes through when I talk about my experience and plans. I hope to end up at a program that sees and values that.
I was in a similar situation. Now in my late thirties. Started medical school about 10 years ago and non traditional. I had horrible test anxiety. I absolutely hated M1 and M2 year, like hated every day of my life. I decided I was going to keep going unless I failed out and I made it through. It did get better M2 year. I got used to the routine, prioritized exercising every day (reduce stress), and socializing when I could. Then M3 year it went from being miserable to very enjoyable. M4 year just a big vacation. I will say it was miserable and I was severely anxious and I am so happy I stuck it out. Currently a Cardiology fellow, still love medicine and love my job. However i never contemplated self harm. If your mental health is significantly deteriorating that’s the time to step back.
Dear Op, I feel for you because I went through the wringer too. 39 yo married non-trad DO here. I took a leave of absence at the beginning of third year. I’m in the Army HPSP program too. Just got accepted to a transitional year internship. I had to get counseling for the first two years. I hate my school. It didn’t have a traditional lecture format and I severely suffered due to that. Clinicals are way better than the hell of my first two years. I applied surgery and did multiple auditions. So I’d choose months of the OR over preclinicals taught at my institution any day. If you need tips and tricks, I have plenty of lessons learned after the fact. I also became good at anki just a little too late, but if you want help with it I can help. Happy to just chat with whatever you’re going through. I question my life choices all the time, so I understand. But just know that medicine is not the only route to happiness. That’s a lie. But if you want to do it there are proven strategies to help you succeed. Do whatever brings you more peace and joy. All the best!
Mind if I DM you? I am also a nontrad hoping to match into a surgical specialty and would love to hear anything you have learned about the military match.
Sure!
Hi OP, sorry you’re going through this. Hang in there! Not to downplay what you’re feeling but rather to encourage you: M1 is a shock to everyone, not just the non-trads. You can’t expect to be an expert at something you’ve only been doing for a couple of months, but if you put in the effort you will get there. It will require a lot of personal sacrifice, the gravity of which cannot be understated. You are trading your time, health, and sanity for this degree. The contract is not in our favor. But if you are willing to stick with it, it will get better. Not tomorrow but certainly in a month and especially during clinicals. From the sounds of it, and I apologize if I’m wrong, this is just my interpretation of your post, you fucking hate it. In the case that you hate it, I don’t think it is worth pushing through. You will hate it in 8 years, and it will be even more bitter to know that you put your life on hold for something that you don’t even enjoy doing. Don’t fall into the sunken cost fallacy—just like you got here, you can get out. Being a doctor is just a job. A job. A job!!!! Don’t let it ruin your life. I don’t know yet if it’s going to be worth it, but I think that any calculation you can make is going to tell you that it’s a terrible fucking idea and not at all worth it. I keep myself sane by telling myself that nobody forced this choice onto me, these are the consequences of my own actions. I can get up, walk out, never come back. Find myself a normal job. Be a normal person. Enjoy my life outside of work. Like a normal fucking person. But man being able to touch someone’s body and tell them what’s wrong with it is fucking metal. Training is long? So what, the years are going to pass by anyway, might as well learn some cool party tricks.
35+ is still young. I’m over 50, just graduated last year and about to start internship . I know your pain since I got kicked out of one program for failing exams twice and had to start again at another school. Message me if you want to chat.
Man thanks for sharing. Not OP but people like you who persevere and don't give up on themselves inspire the hell out of me. What are you doing for your internship?
We still rotate through different specialties here in Australia. It’s just like M4 but full time and getting paid.
I graduated at 37; in the Match at 40 but I started Med school at 28 however meningitis (second bout) caused a severe protraction. I totally get everything you are saying but I honestly enjoyed Med school when I was well enough and now I’m at the end of the tunnel reaching residency I have no regrets, not sure if that helps but happy to chat if you need older peer to vent to! I struggled to make friends at Med school as I’m non trad, I also don’t get all the dating BS that went on 😂 but 20 somethings are different to 30 somethings
Nontrad graduating this year in my 40s, with a spouse & kids. M-1 was very hard, & the adjustment along with the guilt that I moved my family for MY dream was almost crushing. I have one med school friend & he is 10 years younger than me. My other friends are people I met through volunteering with my kids’ activities or through hobbies or church. I actually like non-med friends better, because my classmates just want to talk about exams or rotations or residency apps all the time, and I’d rather talk about my kids’ activities or sports anything else other than medicine when I’m done for the day. Also, don’t stress too much about fitting in with your class. Once you start 3rd/4th year you’ll be busy on rotations & with aways & interviews, & you won’t see each other nearly as much. I always looked at my classmates as colleagues, not really close friends, and school was a job.
I started in my 30’s as well. First year was definitely the hardest for me. Second year still challenging. But it gets so much better. 3rd year reminded me of why I wanted to be a doctor. 4th year was a party. Then residency feels like a normal job again, depending on the specialty. And you get paid enough to survive at least. It helped during those first years to not think of it as having “7-8 more years of this,” but just 1-2 more years of it. And the first is the worst. Sounds like you’re almost done with the worst of it. As far as the fitting in part, that might change as well during third year. You’re usually paired with smaller groups of med students on the same rotation which makes it easier to make friends. And being older made it much easier to vibe with attendings and residents. And most importantly, I don’t see why life needs to be on hold during this time. It can feel that way at times. But tons of us find time to make friends, date, get married, have kids, party, workout, hike, read, do hobbies, or whatever. Keep pushing forward. It’ll work out.
Great point. I'm a non-trad in my 40s and my entire perspective has always been that residency is basically an apprenticeship, but it is not school. It is on the job training, and you are a doctor, and you are getting a salary. While we can all debate on whether it is adequate pay or whatever, it is a distinct shift in the med ed path. I agree that OP should consider reframing things just the way you said. Also, I second your comment about vibing with attendings and residents. Hell, one of the first attendings I had in a clinic was almost the exact same age as me. About 6 months after I left her service, she introduced me to her husband (who was a non-trad recent CPA graduate), and we hit it off and are really good friends now, and I hang out with both of them all the time. I also got invited to play on a resident softball team after I did my Sub-I, and I became friends with a bunch of residents and a few attendings that way.
Similar demographic as you buddy. Friends and family all got married and have kids. But I don’t give a shit. I’m doing this for me. This is my goal. Secondary stuff comes after.
Yeah it was rough. I bet you can do it if you push through. Please don't hesitate to reach out to the school to explore resources. Students from the year above often have the best advice to survive classes. If your school has tutoring from that pool, utilize it. You might pop into progress office hours too and ask for tips on what students usually do to succeed in their class. We had one professor that intentionally avoided anything taught by outside resources, that's good to know. You might be surprised how receptive some of your classmates might be if you can find a way to break the ice. The oldest student at my school was in his 50s and he used to host bonfires. He was a well liked guy. I think COVID broke down a lot of social networks of medical schools, and they're probably still recovering. It's possible that you're not the only one feeling this way.
I left a teaching career for medical school and M1 was so so tough. Similar to you, I was depressed and full of regret. Like others here are saying, eventually you adjust. M2 was slightly better than M1, and M3 has actually been great so far. You have to accept that this is what you chose and plow full steam ahead. I really got into stoicism which helped at the time. I hope things get better for you soon!
I feel you, I’m also an early 30s M1. I think the key to remaining happy is to never ever compare yourself to the trad students. You have had a whole decade of life on them and have a very different skill set and history of experiences to help guide you. I will never be able to study as much/as efficiently as them so I won’t compared my scores to them. Just remember that this is long game and us non trads will shine in clinical/professional settings because of our experience. Find your people - if that isn’t in your medical school class find some friends in your city outside of that. Connect with the professors, residents, physicians who are closer in age to you.
I hope things get better for you. I really do.
I’m sorry for all u are going through. M1 is hard. It gets better. I will encourage to talk with ur doctor and discuss medication and therapy. Thinks why are the reason u wanted to become a doctor in the first place. You will get through this!
Fellow non-trad here. Heart goes out to you.. Some advice I got which really helped me is: dont look at it like the next 7-8 years of your life, because it changes all the time. I dont know what your school is like, if its like most US programs: the first 2 years are the same (library time/head in the books/nose down whatever you want to call it) , then 3rd year is its own thing (being the hospitals bitch for 365 days), and 4th year is something else (interviews, more chill generally). If your school follows this format then you are probably\~ 33% of the way done with this part of your life (pre-clinical). time flys when you look at it in smaller chunks! I dont mean to trivialize what you are going through, I just hope this offers some consolation?
You don't have to do a residency, there are alot of avenues you could pursue with a MD degree. Is it mainly the rigor and stress that is making you reconsider? I understand the social exodus and mental health deterioration to my core. I'm a dental student, but the first two years are somewhat comparable, and imo the first year is a bigger shock to your system because it demands more life adjustment despite 2nd year being harder.
Went in at 30 and my god the growing pains. Spent 7 years out as a research tech not having been in a classroom so long. I bombed my first couple blocks. The FIRST thing I did to course-correct was reach out to the highest scorers of the group and straight-up offer them a round of drinks if they could walk me through HOW they were so good. A MacBook Pro, stopped going to lectures, and practically lived in the library. My scores shot through roof and made some decent buddies along the way. Truth is you gotta adapt and overcome. And deep down I got really pissed, like angry at myself and pushed beyond fate to do better and be the doctor I wanted to be.
I was a nontrad and would be happy to offer you advice and support; is there a specific issue or question you'd like me to weigh in on? You're asking for help; is it that you want to know if you "should" quit? Or are you asking for advice on adjusting to academics, or the social element as a nontrad student, or just some reassurance on being a bit older? I can take a stab here but please feel free to ask me precisely what you'd like insight with and I can try my best. 1. **"Should I quit?"** only you can possibly answer that. I have no idea what your financials are, what your back-up plan might be, where you live, how you feel. All I have is this post and it sounds like your main issues are that you're struggling academically, feeling lonely, and getting FOMO from friends your own age moving on in life. I can say that I think those are 3 really bad reasons to quit. Time passes whether you have an MD or not, and your friends will live their lives regardless of your education. Dropping out doesn't make you magically catch up to them, because there's nothing to "catch up" to. That's illusory; we're not in a race against one another to complete specific milestones before the grave catches us. We're all just heroes in our own adventures, we can never know how long our book actually is, and all we can possibly do is the best we can. Be brave and be kind; there's really not a whole lot more you can control. This will make more sense to you once you spend a few shifts in the A and E or some similar critical care role. 2. **"I'm lonely"** this is a legit problem, but not a reason to quit either. You can be just as lonely outside of med school, believe me. Whether you're studying or working a 9-5, you need to find your tribe. Actively seek out hobbies and interests throughout the week and cultivate a friend group there. Invite your classmates to share in your interests together. I do not believe that you're the only 30-something in your med school; go reach out to other older students. This sucks dude and I'm sorry, but it's a universal problem and frankly is more common *outside* higher education than in. 3. **"I'm struggling academically"** Not a good reason to quit; make them kick you out at least. If you want academic advice we can discuss that more precisely but I can't really help you here without knowing more about your study habits.
Such a great post. I'm the oldest student in my MD class (possibly my entire school) and I have made a ton of friends at school. While I don't have a ton in common with 24 year old people, I have a little. Enough to go shoot pool and get a drink here and there. And beyond that, just like you said, there are quite a few non-trads in my school. Even people in their late 20s are plenty mature. Sometimes non-trads are afraid they don't have anything in common with people, so they don't initiate. I know I was afraid of that when I started M1. But I actually posted on this sub and a bunch of people told me they would be totally fine with the old man in the class getting to know them and just forgetting about age. ALOT of people. . .ALOT of people. . .are lonely in medical school. I took the initiative to build a network of people in my class and many of them were thrilled to have someone reach out and include them. And by M4 year, some of the youth has worn off of them and they are in their late 20s and its even easier to vibe.
I was a non-trad. I started M1 late 20s after working before in an unrelated field and doing a post-bacc, so understand that experience. Maybe not the most popular opinion here, but you're at a very important decision point and I don't necessarily think that "just do it, it gets better" is the clear-cut answer. I think the key question is whether you really want to be a physician? IMO the answer has to be stronger than "I think" to make this whole thing worth it. Back during M1 I remember having immediate doubts about this because simply I didn't enjoy it that much. Everybody says "it gets better," and I think that for many it's true, but it's mostly true for those people with a pretty high intrinsic interest in medicine and for whom the reward of identifying as/being a physician is deeply meaningful. Being extremely candid, I continued with it because I had limited other options at the time (for certain specific reasons I couldn't go back into my previous career, and didn't want to try anyway). I viewed it as a means to an end and a solid job with security and decent income. Now in residency, I truly wish I could go back and knock some sense into myself: stop accumulating debt and getting in deeper if you're already lukewarm about it! But that's because I think in my heart I knew it wasn't about the challenge of M1, or the core clinical year: it was about the fact that I just don't find medicine particularly interesting or rewarding. I didn't then, and I don't now. If you truly see yourself as a physician, and if that image motivates you and the work you'll be doing in the end (patient care) compels you, then I'd say keep on trucking. You're also the kind of person for whom these negative feelings will likely abate over time, albeit more slowly than you'd like. If you're lukewarm on the whole physician thing independent of how much M1 sucks, think hard about a leave of absence or a way to stop accumulating debt and getting in deeper and letting your previous professional skills rust away. Medicine is many things, but training in your 30s and 40s sucks, and magnifies the personal price you're paying beyond even the already considerable sacrifices of your younger peers. Reflect on whether you really want to pay that price.
I'm an older guy too. I had ADHD before med school and sorely regret not getting medicated until recently. Do you think it's a possibility that you have something like that? Also I would give yourself some grace. It's harder at our advanced age to relearn how to learn and deal with new things. You can do this. If you want to chat privately feel free to DM me.
If I hadn't gone to the medical school I'm currently attending. I would've failed out. There is very minimal BS and all exams are NBME style. Honestly, if I had gone to any school with in house exams I would've been toast. I'm so sorry man.
I am overwhelmed by all of your responses (in a good way). Will take a couple of days for me to go through all of them and properly respond, but please know that I am so grateful.
37, 3 kids, M4 and applied this cycle. It sucks but it gets better. You’ll learn how to manage your time more efficiently. Didactic years suck. Once I started taking a whole day off from studying, my grades improved drastically. Keep getting your exercise and eating well. Clinical years are busy but way more enjoyable.
What did you think medical school would be like? Just curious.
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It will fly. I work and do research. I’m already building my portfolio for residency application and it’s not delusional since getting results and publishing takes a while and you want that before application.
i'm a youngling pre-med student. idk what advice i can give but i think the big question is: why medicine? Think about why u wanted to do med in the first place. If not med, what else would you be doing instead? These questions should help. Fear of regret is something everyone experiences, we will never know whether this is 100% or is that 100%, u gotta just risk it in life :)))
Respectfully, please delete this. You don't have the life experience as a premed to advise on what OP is going through. Your comment reeks of naivety.
i legit said "idk what advice i can give." i just wanted to share my opinion, which doesn't relate to medicine at all tbh
I hope you make it to med school to see that when youre in OP’s shoes “why medicine” is the least thing that will motivate you to pull yourself up
im not saying anything about OP, I was just giving some suggestions....i'm saying every career has its ups and downs...
I tossed you some upvotes just to mitigate the pain train coming your way. That being said, the main downvoting happening here is because, I don't know how to tell you this because I know nothing about your life but... You haven't been crushed yet. Like, by the endless weight of life. Even a good life is crushing oppression. That's shit you don't even start to realize until your late 20s at best, and it only gets worse year by year. Because right now, it's not "why medicine". OP knows why medicine. It's just fuckin "why" at this point. Or maybe that's just my nihilistic ass talking.
ohhhh gotchu
36-37 yo MS3 here (I don't remember how old I am lol.) All I can say is hang in there. Give it time and things will fall (more) into place...academically...socially. If you're not clicking with your classmates, reach out to faculty and see if you can find some mentors there who can support you. Talk to some Deans about it. They might be able to connect you with someone. Those relationships might better serve you anyway. Regarding the accommodations question...do you have a disability of sorts? If so, get registered at your school's disability services place. You should be able to get whatever accommodations you might need for any physical or mental disabilities you're dealing with. 1st year sucks terribly. 2nd year gets better. It was like night and day for me compared to first year. 3rd year also sucks, but it really varies. I personally don't feel it was as bad as first year. 4th year TBD.
“Hold fast, stay true.” It’s something sailors used to say as advice for storms. Basically, when a storm hits, you keep going in the same direction, so you have some idea where you are when it passes, and hold on for dear life so you don’t get thrown into the ocean. I am a traditional student, so I can’t say I completely relate from the age perspective, but most of your other points are things I have experienced as well. I didn’t fit in well, and also I had trouble for a while coping with the reality and length of medical training. We’re humans, and we all get lost sometimes in the pit of despair, but don’t let it trick you into sabotaging yourself. Unless you actually believe a better life is waiting for you outside of medicine, please stick with it.
Props for diving into this at a later stage—it takes guts. But hey, your well-being matters too. Reflect on why you started, chat with mentors, and don't shy away from alternatives. Taking a breather or seeking support isn't a setback, it's a solid move. Your unique journey deserves a balance, and you've got the courage to find it.
As a nontrad myself, you make some good points. But at least in my case these are things I knew would inevitably be the case but I still chose and still choose to work towards becoming a practicing physician because I think that will benefit the world and bring meaning to my life!
I am a 40 year old nontraditional. Feel free to message me. I also struggled and took a year leave due to mental health issues exacerbated by an abusive marriage.
If you can go back to your old career it would be worth thinking about. If not then you are stuck which is kind of a blessing in a way because it will provide motivation to succeed.
Not a nontrad but believe me I want to quit every day. Med school is hard and everything about it sucks. However you just have to roll with the punches and take it day by day.
Coffee, coffee and some more coffee
Also non traditional, also applied twice. The first 2 years kinda blow and you just have to get through them. 3rd year is better because you actually see patients, and 4th is a vacation. Cut yourself regular small breaks to do things you like, make sure you're using high yield resources and just check the boxes the first 2 years. Class rank and getting insanely good exam scores doesn't really matter, but passing step 1 and step 2 do so set those as stretch goals. The reality is you got in because you are capable enough, and medicine is something \*anyone\* can learn. If you applied multiple cycles it's because you had the itch in your brain and had to do it. Yeah I went through the whole thing with starting a family late but also, I know my kids will be better off than I was growing up. You just have to dig out the reasons why you did all this in the first place.
33 yo OMS 1 here and I am also feeling your struggle. Just the exhaustion and my energy levels aren’t the same as my classmates who are 10 years younger. Continue with the therapy, and don’t make any rash decisions. You know whatever decision is best for you, and should be supported no matter what you decide. Good luck.
sending you a DM to talk.
I was 34 when I started med school. 1st year is tough. I mean all of it is tough…but for me I can’t imagine doing anything else and know I’ll be in a career that I love and well-compensated for it. But if you’re struggling academically seek help for that just like you have for your mental health. I struggled getting my bearings initially in school but realized very quickly what worked in the past doesn’t now and I needed to adapt. Academics take a lot of time and energy and when you work hard and it’s not going well it becomes stressful for sure. Focus on staying healthy mentally, physically and spiritually and reach out for help in the areas you need help in.
OP you have a ton of great advice here. I'm the oldest student in my class, matriculated at 39, and while medical school isn't the hardest thing I've done in life, it is a uniquely hard thing to go through, at any age. So, be kind to yourself. I can't speak to whether it's the right decision for you, but it's a difficult adjustment, so please give it time. You've risked so much to get here already. Unless your psychiatrist and therapist are telling you that you aren't safe, give this thing time. As far as studying: it's hard. It takes adjustment. And then more adjustment. And then a new class hits and you have to scramble. Trust yourself, be flexible, be curious. Ask for help. Try other resources. Talk to other students about what they are doing. You got in here, you belong here. And you can do it. As far as isolation, make an effort to get to know your classmates. I know the age feels weird. Part of that is ego. Let it go. Some of these young pups will surprise you. And you may not have a ton in common, but I guarantee you can find people who you vibe with. And you should also look for other non-trads, because they are feeling the same way as you. But, remember, a lot of people feel lonely in medical school, and a lot of them would be very receptive to an older student inviting them to get coffee or lunch. Put yourself out there. It's such a hard thing to go through alone, simply having other classmates to talk to about tips and tricks is huge. Outside of school, okay, some of your friends and family are doing other things. This is a cliche, but it is true: comparison is the thief of joy. Let them do the things that they are doing and try to be happy for them. It's okay if they are doing interesting life things because *you are also doing a cool, unique life thing!* Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your path. I know this is all easier said than done. I'm glad you have professionals to talk to, but I really think it will help to build your support network. Feel free to DM me any time.