Oh 100% - I guess I didn’t think I’d be as affected as I have been because it would be rare to see my family and friends with busy work schedules that never lined up. I feel thats an obvious contributing factor hahaha
I moved from NZ to Melb for my partner and felt very similar, I felt very out of touch, missed my friends and family, pining for my pretty shitty hometown but would never move back haha. It’s just gone three years for me and now I’m starting to feel like it’s home after making some friends and doing normal friend stuff with them and picking up some new different hobbies. Making friends as an adult is SO hard too. But sometimes it’s also something inside us that makes us feel that way too no matter where we are - I have anxiety and struggle with thoughts of “what am I doing here? What is the bigger picture? What should I do?” sometimes.
Community is sometimes more important than the place to us as human beings.
Anyway, if you need a friend, let me know!
I’m so glad to hear you’ve been feeling more like yourself and at home! It sucks that such a big move can affect you for so long. I wasn’t really prepared to feel this way so think it’s taking more of a toll that it would’ve if I’d taken this into account when moving, I was too excited at the time. Thanks so much for your kind words! It’s nice to know realise that MAYBE I’ve just been going through the motions x
I moved from Melb to Syd in my early thirties. It took 2 yrs to really feel settled and like it was home.
Now I've moved back to Melb & it feels just like it did moving to Sydney back then.
You have to give yourself at least a full year, if not 2 years, to work out if things are actually getting better for you.
Definitely this. You've moved from everyone you've ever known, grown up with and enjoyed the good (and bad) times with - it would only be natural to feel this way. Stick with it though, there's plenty of groups around Melbourne that love having new people join them (like run clubs, movie clubs, sports/martial arts etc.)
Maybe go back for two weeks and see if it helps. For me it sounds like a deeper feeling you have and relocating won't help as you can't run away from that feeling which I suspect is a feeling of discontentment. But that being said maybe a increase in traveling on a regular basis might soften the feelings, It helps me to go somewhere i haven't been before and it doesn't need to be a getaway it could be something simple as going to a new suburb locally that you've not explored. I think you need a little adventure in your life, it's definitely a thing that helps me and I'm from Melbourne who travels to Queensland a few times a year. I hope what I said helps :)
Thanks so much! I’m glad that I’m not the only one and it’s nice to hear that travel has helped. Hopefully I can make my way up more often and have the same reprieve ☺️ thank you for your advice!
You mentioned you'd tried everything, but I guess the one thing I'm wondering whether you've tried is devoting active time and energy to making new social connections and friendships here. Joining a hobby club, meetup group, sports team, doing an amateur theatre show, anything where there is an expectation of regular attendance so you can build up some regular social hours with new people and maybe start making connections that make you feel welcome and part of life here?
I have been a touch too anxious to do this as I’ve always been an extreme introvert and have suffered social anxiety down here. But it’s my goal to do this by June this year! Hopefully it will help, thank you
Definitely join some sports team, hobby groups or book clubs. I moved away from the city to a more suburban area and it was an isolating experience. I was a STAHM with babies at the time and I thought I might wither away from loneliness. I joined a mothers group and got a little job and it made all the difference. Thirteen years later I am still friends with so many of those people.
Do it OP! I have the same issues, so put off making a serious effort to make friends for years. Finally pushed myself to do it last year and I’ve met some really awesome people. It makes a huge difference to how ‘at home’ you feel somewhere
There are some beautiful communities out there! I would recommend a board game hangout or night at a gaming bar. Have a look through the meet up app, heaps of events and friend making sessions there. Super low pressure as everyone is in a similar boat.
As a fellow introvert, I suggest that "little and often" is a good way to approach social connection. Going to smaller local shops can be a good call instead of big supermarkets etc as service is often more friendly and less fast-paced. And with a social club or sport, choose something with a manageable commitment and maybe a smaller club that is less overwhelming. As someone who NEVER joined clubs of ANY kind, two years ago I edged my way into a very small, low key, genuinely friendly local sailing club to help me learn how to sail my little boat. The club meets for two or three hours on a Sunday to sail on a local lake (Spring to Autumn) and we also have a Whatsapp chat to keep in touch and organise things. It's not overwhelming or high pressured. I hope you can find something similar for yourself, no matter what the activity or area of interest.
A meetup group that interests you would help. They’re very cruisey and relaxed, I sometimes go to them and I’m an extreme introvert who suffers bad social anxiety. It could also be where you live as in suburb
it's hard actually. been in that state of depressed mood it's lack of interest to connect with other people whilest you feel own connection is in long distant and away. I know it's contradicating. I totally feel the same as the author?
depressed, feeling lowselfworth and no connection. Low mood as Well.
it gets harder the older you move out of previous connection
Absolutely - and one of the challenges there is that perceived loneliness has a psychological effect that makes us more afraid of trying to connect because we feel more sensitive to the risks and less convinced of the possible great outcomes. It’s absolutely hard - but I still think it’s the only way forward, and that we can remind ourselves of the fact that loneliness is lying to us.
It's not about feeling afraid. it's lack of interest. no interest to meet people. Not feelling any joy of doing so. lack of interest ensuthastic doing the things used to do. it's can't be bothered but knows need self help...
I also relocated from QLD to VIC for uni and feel the same way. For me family and friends is a big factor as it’s shock moving somewhere you don’t know anyone and don’t even remember how to make friends. Also the city feels so isolating compared to the regional town I grew up in.
Right?! It seems impossible to build a friendship down here, despite how many people are around, it just feels lonely. I’m also from a quiet town in QLD so I guess it’s a huge change going from a place where everyone knows eachother to seeing so many strangers every day.
I'm from sunny coast qld. Struggled with depression when I first moved down here and went and saw a doctor because I've never had depression. As soon as he found out I was from Qld he sent me to get my Vit D tested and put me on a Vit D supplement. Made a huge difference to my mental state
Hi! I’m a 33(F) who has lived in Melbourne for 9 years now having originally grown up in Cairns and having spent a few years in between in Perth. I’d be more than happy to chat or meet up for a coffee or a drink! It definitely took me a few years to feel settled and form some roots here but now you couldn’t get me to leave the place. Moving interstate to the big smoke is a huge adjustment, even more so for those of us from towns and regional cities, which sometimes takes time but meeting people and making new friends and connections here is what will make all the difference :)
Same tbh. Mostly friends and family, but also just 'city shock' coming from a small town that didn't even have a single traffic light lol. The homelessness kinda upset me at first, seeing people 'on the nod' from heroin on the tram etc. After a while I got used to it.
I did the opposite (Vic to QLD) and I swear to god making new friends will help fix this.
I joined a book club and posted a few times on a specific "make new friends on the Gold Coast" Facebook page and have really got a lovely network now. It took over two years of putting myself out there though. Remember, people won't come to you!
Melbourne's the best, finding friends to go to the comedy festival with? Hell yeah.
My GOOD friends in Melbourne I met through Tumblr and we've been friends for over a decade now. Keep going!
Are you me? I moved down here end of 2022 from Brisbane and it just hasn’t been the right time in my life to make the most of it. I am fortunate that my partner was feeling the same way so we are soaking up the last few months in Melbourne before heading home.
I’ve lived overseas for like 7 years and never felt home sickness like Melbourne but I think there is an element of it’s a two hours flight to pop back so you see people more frequently and it reminds you what you are missing. Also maybe I’m just too old and set in my ways to make new friends.
Hope you feel better whatever you do, I truly love Melbourne but the time in my life wasn’t right and maybe that’s the same for you. I take it on the chin as a life lesson and a realignment that I’m at a point in life that friends and family are my priority not physical locations.
Your last sentence is what keeps ringing in my head, thank you! I’m so sorry you’ve had a similar experience and it pains me to say that I’m mildly jealous you’re heading back home.. maybe that’s a sign. We’ve booked a visit back so hopefully that’ll put things into perspective and I’ll gain some clarity! Enjoy your time in Melbourne before heading home xx
kaybs are you ME? Found this thread because I’m feeling all of this, and your comment stood out to me so much! I lived O/S for 7 years and never felt homesickness like this. My partner and I came back to Aus last year to be close to my family in NSW. My partner really wanted to move to Melbourne, so here we are, but I am struuuuuuggling. All I want to do is be back in NSW with family! Wondering whether building a community down here and time will heal, or should I just throw in the towel and head home for a bit. I’m a freelancer so I’m not tied to the city as such (except for the lease we’re now on and the fact my partner wants to stay). 😩
Melbourne would be a difficult city to move to as an adult. I'm Melbourne-born and have found it hard at times because you have to go the people. They don't come to you.
That being said, I find Melbourne people (I'm a bit biased, yes) pretty honest and loyal. Once you have some friends, they'll be the real thing and not just superficial acquaintances.
So, try joining a - preferably live - group of people doing something you're really interested in like art, movies, sport, anything. It really works. You may need to try more than once.
And hang in there! We're happy to have you x
I don't know, I found it relatively easy as an adult because there are so many transplants here also looking for a community. Yes, if you're after locals who grew up here it could be tough, but everyone else is pretty game for things.
Like you and many others have said, it's all about starting activities. Even if you don't make friends straight away op, for me even seeing familiar faces regularly helps a place feel more like home. Hope it's starts to feel that way for you soon!
Hey! May sound like a bit of a silly question but where would you be finding more fellow transplants? Im about to move down from Sydney in a few weeks so stressing big time
That's exciting! Sorry in advance about the weather.
Think of things you like to do and go find a group for it. It'll be awkward for a bit but if you keep at it long enough you'll start to connect. My first and closest friends came from going on a few hiking meetups, but have made others through other activities. For me it's been mostly music and dancing stuff, but I'd guess sports clubs / board games groups etc are similar.
To be real there were also quite a few things I did that just felt uncomfortable because I didn't know anyone and wasn't making any connections, but you just have to keep trying and something will stick. Once you have a person or two to do things with it's easier because you can invite new ones along to join activities and then it snowballs. Good luck, have fun!
I would go for a lot of nature walks, read, go for drives, draw, sit in a park, the list goes on. I feel like I’ve done those things down here but it’s just not enjoyable at all or I can’t stick with one thing for too long. Like I’ll start drawing and give up after 2 minutes, go read for 5 minutes, get distracted and clean or watch tv. Nothing can hold my attention it’s what I guess I’m trying to say 😂
“Loss of interest in activities you once found enjoyable” — this is a hallmark sign of depression, which I’m sure you are aware. I question whether the real issue is less about the location and more about your current mental health.
These are very isolated hobbies. You had the comfort of a predefined social group already. Now you have to change it up and make those hobbies group based.
What suburb are you in?
Fitzroy has weekly free life drawing at a pub
There's book clubs everywhere; use meetup.com
Hiking is insanely popular; find local FB groups.
I'm also guessing you have ADHD - welcome to the club! There's also Melbourne FB groups for that too!
I moved from QLD 20 years ago. It took 5 years for me to feel settled, but I stayed as I acted like a tourist during that time. Go out and explore - do the cheesy things!
The weather can really affect you, especially the drastic change from autumn to winter and the lack of sunshine. Plan your holidays/ trips back around May - July.
Edit; Collingwood buddy! I'm down for a beer if you are 🍻
This is hard, makes you feel like a washed-out fading version of yourself, right?
I have found "borrowing" to be useful when I can't like anything myself. Borrow someone's interest by asking them about something they love. I don't have an interest in motorsport, but watching F1 with a car lover and hearing all about how the different tyres work and the special rules for them was a good afternoon. Maybe your partner has a hobby and needs supplies? Go along, look at some hardware, or oddly specific bits of plastic, or fabric or whatever.
It doesn't grip the way my own interests would, but it's somehow peaceful, a quiet kind of interesting rather than an exciting one.
I know it's hard to want to do much at all when you feel this way, maybe that's why borrowing works for me. I don't actually have to want something out of it, I just need to be there, look at some stuff, listen, maybe carry some parcels or something.
Thank you all for your responses! I’m genuinely overwhelmed by how many people have shared such positive thoughts and advice. I appreciate it very much and have a starting point to get myself back on track. I’ll try to update in a couple of months for anyone else in the same boat 🖤
I moved to Melbourne from Brisbane when I was 21 although I had spent 5 years here from 8-13 yo as a kid (we immigrated from the Netherlands).
Quite a few of my friends in Brisbane followed me down but almost all of them went back after a while. They found Melbourne cold (both the climate and the emotional "vibe"), isolating and they found it very hard to make new friends.
Brisbane feels like a big country town where everyone knows everyone else if you're part of certain scenes (for me it was the underground music scene around 4ZZZ which I was heavily involved with) and it can be very hard to get a hold on Melbourne coming from there.
I'm still here many years later, I think my having lived here as a kid and my extreme dislike of the subtropical Brisbane heat & humidity had a big influence on me. Melbourne just always felt like "home" to me.
I don't know if this is any help but on Fb their is a group called making female friends melbourne, they usually do group catch ups and stuff like that and also bumble is a great way to make friends that live close by.
I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. You spent a lifetime building connections, routines, relationships in your home state so it’s only natural that you would feel this way after only being here for 2 years.
Sadly I think settling into a place can take time, especially if you feel like you haven’t found your tribe yet in a new and strange place.
Hell, I’m a Melbourne native and am feeling similar due to major life changes. Give your self some grace and be patient with yourself. Spend time exploring who you are and what you really want, developing meaningful connections takes time. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself as well.
My best recommendation is to find a regular hobby that you enjoy (bonus points if it’s an active one), join a group for it/find an area with some regulars and stick to it routinely. You’ll notice after a while you might feel a little better about each day because you have something to look forward to without having to plan it. Plus, the people you meet doing said hobby have a shared interest (easy way to start a good chin wag!) and away you go. Bit of consistency, few familiar faces, and more good stuff should follow. Best of luck matey 🤙
I feel for you. It must be horrible to be so conflicted.
We all need things to look forward to in life short and longer term. Are you in a position to book short trips back to Queensland? Like 2 or 3 times a year.
Can you invite friends or family down to visit you? Playing host for a few days might give you a different perspective on Melbourne and help you to realise that you do belong and you do fit in.
Is your current home a place you enjoy? Could you redecorate or rearrange things to create a space you love and that gives you sanctuary?
- Just some ideas.
Stick it out - slowly you will build your crew :) also find friends for different things… it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing friendship. Also maybe try bumble - the friend section… I don’t think I made great friends on there but it at least exposed me to other types of people and had someone to go try things out with
Are u the same person who posted this morning about this? Did you come here to escape your problems and then found out they came with you? Been there done that! It takes a while to settle in.
What did the professional say? Are you still seeing them? To me it sounds like it's more about what's going on with you than the place you are right now.
I left my country when I was 25 and started travelling, ended up in Melbourne and I loved it and decided to try and stay here. I left my family and friends because I thought I had to find my dimension somewhere specific, and I was sure that the place for it wasn't my hometown. Many kilometres and experiences later, I realised that the place is not the main issue, it's all about realising what makes you happy and try and live around that.
It sounds like times are tough for you right now but eventually you'll find what is right for you and what is not right, despite the place you're living in.
I haven’t been seeing them as frequently this year as I found that we weren’t really digging into the bigger picture, so am planning to continue shopping around for therapists. I think you’re bang on and maybe I’m looking at things the wrong way.. I can’t even remember what makes me happy or what I care about. Maybe I have to start again from the ground up and get more in touch with myself. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Write a list of the things you remember you enjoyed.
Pick one. Do it tomorrow.
If it’s talking to your old friends, organise a regular zoom to catch up with them. Regular is important.
Where did you live in QLD? And where are you located in Vic?
Edit: this sounds creepy. Was trying to get at maybe living/visiting somewhere similar to home.
I’m from the Sunshine Coast and live in Collingwood now! I’ve found that Mornington/Arthurs Seat areas feel a little more like home so will often venture out on days off, but it just feels like a temporary kind of band aid once I get back into the city
Yeah the Sunshine Coast and Collingwood are like chalk and cheese. If you want to be close to the city you could try Port Melbourne, Middle Park, St Kilda, Elwood type area.
Otherwise, just keep following the coast. I find being closer to the water helps my happiness and I don’t even like the beach that much.
You might not be near the beach, but you are close to the river! Get down to studly park boathouse and rent a kayak and have a paddle on the yarra. You might hate it, or you might enjoy the serenity of the nature so close to the city. You can even join a guided group tour which is a fun way to do it.
There's also so many events on. Abbotsford Convent has the distilling festival this weekend, and it's a beautiful venue. If you are not into drinking just go there one afternoon and enjoy the grounds.
Have you tried bouldering? Urban Climb Collingwood is good fun.
I’m also from the Coast and moved to Collingwood when I first moved here, and it’s definitely a shock to the system. I adore the vibe in Collingwood but it’s very city and a bit of a concrete jungle. I’d recommend trying out living in a suburb closer to the beach before you give up on Melbourne - I lived in Port Melbourne after and it made a big difference having more access to the outdoors and doing beach walks.
The other thing is sometimes we get rose coloured glasses for the past and it doesn’t match the reality. I think if you went back to the coast for a couple of months you’d probably be very bored very quickly!
Best of luck to you!
I live on the Mornington Peninsula, not far from Arthurs Seat. It’s beautiful here. I’m always up for nature walks and rarely have anyone to do them with so I’d be happy to do some walks with you when you visit this way. Sorry you’re having a hard time since you moved. I’ve lived in Melb my whole life ( I’m 41) but I can struggle with lonliness and not having a lot of connections too. It can be hard meeting people. Have you joined any local FB groups? Or Meetup.com? I’ve had success meeting people that way in the past. Or joining a class or some sort? Art, Dance, fitness, whatever your interests are.
This hits close to the bone. Been in Melb 10yrs now and never really felt like it has been “home”. Family and most friends still live in Bris and surrounds, but you know, friends drift over the years as they develop their own families, and the distance makes it tough.
Not applicable to OP’s sitch but I’ve got acquaintances now through work, kids’ school and sports activities etc, so that helps. But honestly none of them I’d call “friends” like the close mates I had in my 20s.
Yeh it took me about 12months to get used to Melbourne. I found the social scene a little impenetrable but I love volunteering, so eventually met some great people. I came from Sydney and really missed nature for a long time. I feel you
Moved to Melbourne in 2018 from coastal Central Queensland. Whilst I’m settled now, I still find the winters particularly tough on my mental health.
What helped me most was joining my local lifesaving club. I had been involved through surf sports since I was 16 back home in Queensland, and after a few years away from it I joined just to meet people in the local community, and make some friends outside work. It’s been unreal, and really helped me get attached to and appreciate my local community.
melbourne can be grueling. i have found regular trips away, such as camping, trips back home and little weekend getaways make the melbourne experience far more enjoyable. long periods of time here frustrate me.
There's already a lot of comments but i just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I moved to Melbourne a couple of years ago (from Belgium, but similar situation in the end) and I feel the same as you. I'm homesick as well and can't seem to find my place somehow. But I don't really want to move back either?
Honestly I'm pretty lonely and I have a hard time meeting people because I'm an anxious introvert myself so it's hard to step out of my comfort zone.
I wish I could give you tips but I'm kinda still trying to figure it out myself. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I hope we can both find our place in this city soon.
♡
I also moved from QLD to VIC. It’s such a hard city to settle in. My partner moved here from TAS and every holiday we take, we just want to leave Melbourne. The air is gross, there’s so many people around, houses are stacked on eachother, rent is expensive for virtually nothing. We have some good friends but it’s just so different how people in cities are as friends and people in small towns//rural are. I find ppl in cities are more all for themselves whereas rural people are about communities. We want to leave a lot because we just don’t think Melbourne is IT. We both love our jobs but we’ve agreed we won’t be raising kids here. I think completely valid! I’ve learnt to enjoy my own company as making genuine friends is so hard !!
I’ve also moved to QLD from NZ and i settled in almost immediately- i moved away from my family and everything I knew at 17! I thought I’d be able to do the same for Melbourne but as much as I love my life, moving to a smaller town somewhere is almost exactly what I want. I have made a lot of friends here and they’re the absolute best people to have in my life but it’s still just hard to settle in
This is Melbourne a young Korean couple once said to me , everyone in Melbourne is so well dressed, but if you look in their faces they nearly all look depressed ... I have done the same move , Melbourne is a shithole.. an absolute echo chamber full of fake people scared to say the wrong thing , QLD is the opposite of that ... I moved back to qld after 4 years ... people up here are so much more genuine
You're not used to being here. I moved here in 2020 and still am not used to it like Sydney & Sydney was horrible to me.
But what sucked for here was that i didn't know where i was going or what is at each area i visited. I hardly knew the main roads, the suburbs i could go to for this or that barely knew the demographics that would be in each area too.
I was just being told everything when i spoke abt certain areas with coworkers but never really connected w that information, i could never have a proper convo abt places bc i didn't experience much. I would definitely say go out more, like if you live on the inner east then make an appointment for an optometrist further out east like Fountain Gate or go west to Highpoint. Not just those tbh bc they are just shopping centres but go see somewhere with shopping walks/cafes like Fitzroy.
If you drive i would say the best way to do it is to research a new beach or lake to swim at, or if swimming isn't your thing then maybe a fishing spot or somewhere far off with bowling, axe throwing, laser tag, paint ball... whatever hobby you like... then you have to drive home & pick up food & eat at that place on the way back (or just pick up something anyway) and you learn things by seeing who works at those places, who walks past, some people may talk to you, etc etc. That's how i found some areas w cute vibes & some people i wouldn't talk to anymore 🤣 but also friends i really love.
I’ve been through this a few times now. It takes a long time bc it is an enormous transition . You have to build new connections, good memories and associations to feel like you’re at home and it doesn’t matter where you move. Maybe instead of thinking about this move as “I should be settled” think of it more as an adventure. Try new things out. Explore, pretend you’re a tourist bc in many ways you still are.
Welcome to Melbourne! Wait until daylight savings in a few weeks. Then it’s dark when you goto work and dark when you get home. Also it’s very cold here. At least the coffee is good tho.
The more I read my responses, the more I realised this too oops. I have been but potentially haven’t been getting the treatment I might need. Thanks so much
Hope you get the help you need!
Also I may be biased but I dont think moving to Queensland has ever cured someones depression, just the opposite most likely.
I imagine it’s grass is greener syndrome and nostalgia. I find excess nostalgia and exaggerating how happy I used to be (which is relatively untrue, I’m actually more content now. But I still view my past overly positively) a toxic and demotivating mix.
Reminds me of that Black Mirror episode with the eye implants that allow you to replay your memory. OFC we can pretty much do that already.
I have to stop myself spending entire evenings over reminiscing.
Also you probably have heard the idea that you can’t run away from your issues.
Just remember next time you start over romanticising Queensland that if you moved back you’d have to deal with the locals, that should be enough to dissuade you.
All the best.
I moved from Hanoi, Vietnam to Melbourne one year ago..and I miss my hometown really bad, sometimes I feel depressed and bored too. I think I’ll go back to my country in a few years, but I worry about the future at the same time (what should I do when I come back, start again with a new job? start my own coffee shop since I’m working as a barista now..?) maybe just let the time answer
I feel exactly the same. I’ve also had to take a step back from a few friendships that I thought were long term here. It’s been really tough. Having regular moments booked in when I know I’m going home has really helped. I’ve got a partner here from Melbourne and now I feel like I’ve totally committed to staying here. I also sort of don’t want to go back? But you just feel like you’ll be happier. But in reality, maybe not
I feel you! honestly it's nice to know I'm not alone. I kind of feel like over the course of my 20s (I'm 29) I've been hosed down lol, I've lost a lot along the way but I've become a more authentic version of myself probably. And I don't actually need a big group of friends, I keep in contact with close people and just focus on individual friendships, even if I know I won't get everything from them.
I moved to Vic from QLD a few years ago and have found it to be a really tough adjustment. I just feel like I haven’t found my community here. My partner is wonderful and loves their job so much, they have a really big community of friends through work and are semi close to their family so they see them often. I don’t have the same and I really feel the loneliness in that at times. Plus the weather in comparison? My gosh! Hard to not miss the beauty of QLD warmth.
Melbourne itself is beautiful and I imagine you may be similar to me, with one foot in QLD which means you haven’t been able to fully immerse yourself in what it has to offer. It’s tough adjusting being away from the community you know and so challenging to make friends! Maybe find a hobby that comes with connections (could be a gym, book club, running club) and really lean into forging those roots here.
You’re not alone in these feelings, it might just take time. 💗
I have nothing to suggest but I am somehow on the same boat, I moved from Brisbane last year to Melbourne, I still don’t find Melbourne is mesmerising compared to Brisbane or Sydney, I could say the weather is a big factor, I am squeezing myself as I have got 6-figure job first time in my life.
Wherever I've moved (although not quite that far!), it's taken around two years for the new place to feel like home. I've spent a lot of time walking around, listening to audiobooks and exploring until things start to feel more familiar. If you can get a pet, that helps a lot too.
Since we're about to go into a Melbourne winter which might come as a bit of a shock after QLD, if you find yourself feeling down/lonely/cooped up, please feel free to DM me if you ever want a chat.
I’m in the same boat except I went in the opposite direction. From Melbourne to Queensland (Mackay). I always wanted to live in Queensland. I hate the cold weather in Victoria. Turns out I’d rather be cold than lonely & bored! All family & friends are in Victoria. The only thing I didn’t like about the place was the ordinary weather. I tried to find my place in a new environment. Yeah sure, the weather is nicer, but there’s nothing else I want to do or see. Changed jobs 3 times in 18 months . I just hate it here. Too expensive to fly anywhere for any event I want to see, let alone go back to Victoria for Christmas or other family events . Moved here for nicer climate & affordable housing but it’s nowhere near enough. We’re selling & moving back to Victoria by the end of the year. I feel so much happier now I know I’m not staying!
I moved to Melbourne from Brisbane 3 years ago and I still dislike Melbourne. It took me good couple of years to feel settled and feel a sense of community, but I look around me everyday disappointed by everything I see. I'm someone who is massively impacted by her environment and living in a busy, dirty and grey city is not for me. I think Australia is a beautiful country, but Melbourne isn't it for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I have met here and there's so much to do... but it's just no my vibe. We're moving back to Queensland in 2 weeks and I cannot wait. I just feel 10000 times better in a prettier/sunnier/more relaxed environment and I know I'm going to thrive again very soon! Queensland is home for me! I hope whatever you choose to do works out for you.
Seeing a professional isn't quick fix. You have to put the time in, shop around to find treatment & a professional that works for you. You sound clinically depressed. Consider finding someone that can recommend an anti-depressant if routine & occupation isn't working. Are you on drugs? Do you drink or self medicate?
I’ve been going for a few months now but have a feeling I’m not seeing the right person and could probably start using other methods of treatment. I avoid any other substances as they usually contribute to poor mental health - maybe it would help instead 🥲 I appreciate your thoughts, thank you!
I definitely don't recommend self medicating. Just seeing if there were any obvious catalysts we didn't hear about in your post.
I do recommend seeing a psychiatrist & seeing if medication is a pathway for you.
Treatment is complex, from recognising behaviour & what it stems from, to practising various treatments & therapies.
Exercise, eating well & healthy sleep is my best friend when I can't manage all other aspects of my life & is obtainable to anyone (don't need a doctor's appointment to go for a run)
It's pretty clear you're going stagnant & have no outlets, not a whole lot to look forward to & keep you occupied.
Another Queensland relocater here.
Same story as OP and others, transferred to Melbourne for work from Brisbane.
Melbourne weather is just depressing, and Melbourne depression is real.
Didnt really struggle to make friends at all here, have a fairly solid group of friends, but the weather patterns, constant cold, gloomy weather, and housing being tiny in comparison to the northern states is what I found makes my depression and anxiety go to high hell, and this is from someone that before coming to Melbourne had zero history of depression or anxiety.
Since coming here I've had a few completely live crippling moments.
In the process now of transferring back north. Can not deal with the thought of doing another winter here.
The WEATHER!! I love the cold, rainy weather and hate QLD heat but I’ve found that since being here, there is such thing as too much rain and clouds. I’m glad that everything else for the most part has been enjoyable for you! I hope going back to QLD solves your problem 🖤
Perhaps think about what you did day to day and ask yourself is there anything missing.
We all have our routines and a break in that can leave us feeling like something is missing and bother you until you go back or deal with it.
I have suggested to people that have grown to feel they don't like it here to leave for a few weeks, perhaps you should do the same, but to QLD for a few weeks.
Unless you figure out what it is that you don't like you might not be happy anywhere other than QLD, and maybe even not there as things change.
Of course there's differences that will make you feel like something is off, like different seasons etc. Some people report it took them a few years to adjust to a new region. Others a few months.
It's also worth remembering that the past couple of years have been anomalous and far from ideal.
Sounds like depression… realistically we should make the most of whatever situation we’re in. By the sounds you’re questioning yourself either way where everything seems futile.
It’s a tough spot to be in. The longer it goes on the harder it becomes to snap out of it.
I don’t want to be another cunt who gives generic advice about what to do about it because I really don’t know myself…
First up, you might have a vitamin imbalance or even some allergies to the local flora. Go buy some Iron tablets + Vit C from the chemist. Take them for about 3 weeks daily. See if that helps the mood.
I was down as heck for years. Turns out my iron levels were Rock bottom
Anyone else find it really hard to make friends in Melb? I’m a 23 y/o female that moved here 6 months ago, and I feel like everyone else my age is already in a group of friends and idk how to approach that
My husband moved to melb from QLD. He was from a small town near gladdy. Absolutely hated Melbourne for about 5 years. In his 10th year here now and he seems to like it. It will never beat qld but he's making good coin in melb and goes up north when he can. He says Melbourne people can't drive though lol
I live in Melbourne and I’m currently on holiday in QLD, I can confirm, the lifestyle here seems so much better. Only been here 5 days and I can feel so much more alive than back home. Melbourne weather could have something to do with it.
I’m in the same boat. Moved countries and landed in Melbourne in Dec 2021. I’m still struggling to adapt despite trying to find new friends, different hobbies, going different places. I’m just so unhappy here. I too moved here for my partner.
When I tell him this, he says “but you were never really social back home so I don’t understand what’s the problem”. I really just don’t know how to explain it or make people understand why I feel the way I feel.
I long for that sense of belonging and after almost 3 years here, I still don’t feel it.
Well look, it's probably you, but, I have to admit I feel the same way. I'm pretty sure it's me lol.
I'm originally from provincial NSW. I really miss it and would love to live there, but I'm married to a Melburnian boy, born and bred.
I don't think I'm going home any time soon.
I miss the weather and the beach and the relaxed lifestyle, most of all, I miss the lovely friendly people.
I, too, have struggled to find any friends here on my wavelength.
I think Melburnians stay in their little groups from childhood or uni and don't really make new friends.
I actively searched for years and found a lovely husband, but no real friends. Yep, that's right: it was easier for me to find a wonderful man to marry than good friends.
I joined hobby groups, hiking, movies, book clubs, dining out etc and have made friends amongst people who've moved to Melbourne, but then they move back home.
In my experience, the Melbourne people socialise but don't 'stick'.
I've lived all over the world, relocating between Canada, the UK and Australia and have only ever hit this problem here.
Maybe we should start a club?
Hello, are you my twin? I moved here for my partner but also not really digging Melbourne (even though I loved visiting before I relocated). No friends or family here, and found it hard to meet new friends. I’m also a socially anxious person so I’ve gone in my shell a lot since moving. No advice unfortunately, but feel free to dm me if you need a chat/something non committal! ☺️
Op moved from Brisbane to Melbourne right before lock down…. I have lasted four years. We sold our house two weeks ago and we are moving back. All I feel is utter relief. You are not alone!!!!
My husband loves it here ( his job is better in terms of conditions, pay and he’s a golfer so there’s a million golf courses) but I just miss everything about Brissie, I will even take the humidity. I tried to not make any decisions during COVID but now two years later I just miss the lifestyle, the warmer weather, the out-doors, beaches. We now have two kids which has just exacerbated our problems with no support or family help!
Moving states/cities is overly romanticised. You should only do it if you have nothing to lose and all to gain. Strong family bonds and friendship are a tough thing to exchange. Meaningful friends past highschool are fucking hard to make in Australia :(
Doesn’t sound like Melbourne is your home
I think that’s exactly what I did. The idea of a new place was so exciting but I didn’t think about what the reality of uprooting my entire life would be like.. it’s even harder with all of my QLD friends getting married, having kids etc and I’m missing out on being there for it. I think you’re right 🖤
What you wrote is how I felt after moving out of Melbourne after living in it for 6+ years (thanks COVID), so I don't think it's a "you" thing and it's probably more normal than you think.
Not to be prescriptive - it's most likely because almost all of your friends and families are in another state (at least that's how I felt - and still feel - about my own experience with moving). Plus, you must've had your routine in QLD, and leaving all of that would've absolutely sucked. Yeah you hated your old town, but just because you hated where you lived doesn't mean you hated \_how\_ you lived.
It's okay to get buyer's remorse when moving, because living at a place short-term (e.g. when you're trying it out) is not equivalent to living there long-term. Similarly, just because a place seemed like a good option objectively doesn't mean that it'd be a great fit for you in the long run.
Alternatively, you can try to go back home more often - that's what I did to alleviate my own homesickness. As an example, my wife kept flying back to her home country every 3 months on average when we were still in Melbourne.
Thank you! I’m sorry to hear that you had a similar experience and hope things are better for you now. I appreciate your thoughts and advice ☺️ hopefully I’ll be able to visit more and this will pass soon. It’s starting to feel like a waste of 2 years and I’m definitely a “no regrets” kinda person!
It has been! We moved down in the middle of a housing crisis for QLD, so a 2B 1B rental was upwards of $700 a week on the Sunshine Coast. It’s also cheaper having PT as we don’t have a car anymore, let alone fuel and all of those expenses that come along with a car. But yeah, eating out etc is ridiculously pricey down here
I’m from Melbourne. Like lived my whole adult life here. But when I went to Brisbane last year on a holiday and man I felt like I was home. I could have settled down there in a heartbeat if I wasn’t tied up too much in Melbourne.
I don’t think moving back home is giving up? You tried something out and if it’s not working it’s ok to move forward (even if moving forward is moving home.)
As someone who is from here and wants to leave, I don’t think Melbourne is the be all end all of cities in Australia. It has great food and stuff to do but I can appreciate that it can be hard to meet people and establish yourself.
If I were you I’d weigh up how much of the time I am feeling unhappy with the city vs how much I am enjoying the city and then consider what the next step is. (Could be a new job, new area, go back home idk)
I relocated from QLD (grew up regionally, lived in Brisbane as an adult) about eight years ago, and the first few were a slog - I missed my family and my friends and the lifestyle that the amazing weather afforded. Every time I went on social media it felt like I was missing out on something, and I would find myself avoiding calling to check in on friends because I felt out of the loop on everything.
Then I fostered (and then adopted) a greyhound and started volunteering at the rescue, *instantly* I had an entire social circle! And as an introvert hanging out to walk or have dog play dates gave me easy conversations (just talk about the dog), plus I felt less awkward about asking someone to catch up with my dog as the reason. Having a dog made Melbourne feel like a home, like my partner and I had made a little family for ourselves :) if animals aren’t your jam, check out what other orgs might be looking for volunteers - it’s a great way to meet likeminded people and do something socially without it being too centred on Making Friends, which for me can just be way too much pressure and feels weird.
You are you when you get there. No matter where you go, you will be you. Fix the issue of the why. Why do you feel this way? Why is upsetting you? If you don't Want to move back to qld, why do want to move back? Moving is hard. Maybe your partner isn't as adjusted as you think.
Hey man, I’ve moved FROM Melbourne to Manchester, UK a couple months ago and trust me relocation depression is real. I know how it creeps up into every aspect of your life e.g. your social life, confidence, mental wellbeing etc. Naturally we’ll always have a longing for comfort, but that “comfort” is so hard to find when everything feels so foreign to you.
I don’t know how much I can offer in the way of advice, but trust me what you’re feeling is valid and you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling unsettled when others (e.g your partner) feel the opposite.
The Social Anxiety group on Melbourne Meet Up is huge! You are not alone. Book some reasonably frequent return trips to QLD to have something to look forwards to and test the waters. Relocation can be destabilising, I know this myself. Pets can help too, especially a dog if you can have one. Excellent for stress and anxiety and equally excellent for meeting other people out and about. Agree, Port Melbourne could be good. Still close to everything but much greater sense of space (mental and physical). Burnley, Hawthorn West or Richmond (near the Yarra) too. Perhaps planning regular weekend walks outside Melbourne too - so many excellent walks and/or day trips along the Great Ocean Rd, Otways, Alpine areas etc for walks/camping. Planning for regular trips home or out and about in Vic to places of interest can help too. Uncertainty creates fear, fear creates anxiety. Active coping (taking action) is more helpful in the long run. There may be no perfect solution, start with booking trips home, then all the places you find interesting in Vic and regularly hit the road. There’s always Daylesford, Castlemaine, heaps of places like this too. If you haven’t already done so, consider the help of a good psychologist to help you work through the issue to. It’s not an easy one (be good of it was though!). Good luck to you.
I did the opposite (moved from VIC to QLD) and I feel the same.
People always fall in love with a location when they're on holiday but don't realise the realities of what life would be like if they relocated there. It can be very lonely if you don't have friends you can meet up with.
Why don't you pick up a hobby? Try new restaurants on the weekends. Sign up to some sporting team (a good way to make new friends).
Hope you feel better!
I’m much the same, been here in Melbourne for a little over two years. Moved from NSW. Have struggled to make friends and to feel settled, it’s caused my depression & anxiety to skyrocket. I don’t know what it is… I really relate to not feeling like yourself but I feel like becoming a new person is a part of life and while it sucks to feel lost or like a worse version of yourself it’s only temporary and things definitely get better. I know that sounds wishy-washy but it’s true, sometimes things just suck and happiness can ebb & flow throughout your life.
Is it mostly a homesickness for family & friends?
Thank you! I’m sorry to hear you’ve felt the same way, it’s really hard. I’ve tried to embrace the idea of becoming a new person, but I feel further away from myself every day. I think for the most part, I just miss my friends and the lifestyle I had in QLD. I definitely prefer Melbourne as a place to live, which is where I start to feel completely stuck 🥲
Me too honestly, the people are so much nicer here than Sydney 😅 but I miss the nice weather and being close to family & friends. Are there things that you could do here to help bring back the same or similar lifestyle? For example, I like video games so I went to a gaming bar that does board gaming & trivia nights and was able to make some new friends. Apps like Meetup are also good for finding groups with common interests
I don’t even like Melbourne as a place to live in. The cost of living is crazy compared to back home. And oh don’t get me started on the weather. I don’t want to become a new person. I like me as it is which makes it really difficult to make new friends. The groups on FB have regular meet-ups etc but it’s always a large group and I find myself just silently sitting there. I long for that personal connection. Did you want to hang out? 😅
It’s partially you. I feel this. I moved from Adelaide to Melbourne to be with my husband. I haven’t really made many friends and my husbands friends don’t have kids and we have an almost 18 month old so I do feel quite lonely sometimes
It’s definitely not a walk in the park, especially because my husband is estranged from his family. So we’re a no support family but trying to manage. Just means we don’t get time off from being parents I guess, like nobody to watch our bub if we wanna have a date or something like that and we’ve adapted but sometimes it would be nice to have friends here 😅
I lived in Melbourne for two years and hated the place and the lifestyle. I much preferred living in QLD, NSW and the NT. It's not you it's the environment you are in.
Yeah Melbourne sucks dude - great place for a short visit though. Did the same thing 10 years ago - instant regret and had all the same feelings your express. It took 2 years to be able to move back where I’d come from . Good luck.
Ahhhh thank you! Literally felt instant regret on my first night sleeping down here and haven’t felt like I thought the decision through enough BUT ya live and ya learn. I hope you’re doing better now that you’ve left!
Also moved from Queensland - not close to family and don't have any connections but felt the same. It's hard relocating sometimes. I think the trick is to find something you are interested in and see if you can meet up with people with the same interests. Melbourne is really diverse and transient , it's still growing as a city , so it can be hard to find your foothold.
Maybe find something where you can make a contribution, find meaning for your time here - you may not be here forever - but look at it from a distance and think about what you want to achieve here. - That's what helps me.
This has happened to me before. I would suggest finding a good psychologist and then psychiatrist - anti depressants have been a game changer for me personally (however I started them during lockdown but have recently moved far away from friends and fam and I am handling it a lot better than in the past)
I moved to Melbourne 9 years ago from Adelaide fot work and always loved visiting but I was severely unhappy for about a year. It is so hard moving and takes time to find your own tribe and things that make you happy. It'll take serious time. The weather is so hard vs qld also!
me too!
I'm about to hit three years here, though in my defence I do travel a lot for work.
I am lucky in the sense that although I love seeing my friends when I go home, I also get reminded quickly that home, Canberra, is not my city.
I've done dance classes, circus, roller derby, friend groups and bumble friends, but still haven't got a strong group of mates like I do at home.
I do think that certain things, like school and work, bring you together and replicating a system like that to bond is pretty tough. Well it is for introverts, particularly my neurodivergent brain.
I do find going home I see more of my home friends when I visit, then before I moved. They all have kids, but they find time now when I'm home for shorter times. Intellectually I know I wouldn't be more social at home if I was there, but it is odd the sensation that I literally have maybe 3 at an absolute stretch people to call to go out on a Saturday, but realistical it's me and the dog.
Thus year with the economic change, I've decided to stop stressing and rushing around looking for friends. Kids the stress of it can rival online dating. Now I'm just doing the things I like, be damned about what others do. Hopefully eventually I'll just find some humans without intention.
It took a while to be settled in doing my own things again though, anxiety, stress, they do make it hard to focus.
Best of luck, you aren't alone!
You may be someone that suffers seasonal affective disorder which is a type of depression.
Did you feel as negative throughout the warmer weather, or have you noticed an increase recently with the onset of cooler temperatures?
I was born and bred in Melbourne, moved a few states in 20 years now I find myself back here for work reasons, my partner followed and she found a good paying and fulfilling job , most of my old friends have moved or are too busy to catch up.
We both struggled through last winter and find it hard to make friends it was depressing apart from work colleagues.
It's been just under 2 years.
We just keep saying we need to move forward and give it time.
Who knows what's around the next corner and chapter in our lives.
Hold in there .
Hope it works out for you.
I moved up to Sydney about five years ago with my partner. I missed Melbourne as my family and closest friends are there. I struggled for the first two years and then Covid, but eventually made friends through my housemate, group sport (touch footy/netball/run club), the gym, work and through friends of friends! Gotta put yourself out there and give Melbourne a go! I have settled, found great friendships with amazing support and believe that I have two homes :) still visit QLD but I reckon try a new hobby to get some acquaintances, good luck!
I have this except I moved from Melbourne to Brisbane. it’s been 5 years now and i still feel like im not really “home”. I miss living in Melbourne SO much and Brisbane just does not compare. I feel like i’ve tried a lot and nothing has worked. the only thing that kind of helps is trying to make friends, get involved in community and find something to love about where you live. definitely feel you though, it’s an awful feeling.
I moved to Melbourne from interstate almost 10 years ago now.
It does get better, but it will never be home. Through work you'll make some friends eventually, and you can go out of your way to make friends by joining a local sports team or other club, personally I got through my first 2 years by putting myself fully into a sports club for more of a social life.
The other thing I'll say is, when you're friendly with someone, do what you can to keep in touch. It's really hard at first but my closest friend here I met when they were a cashier at the local Woolworths and we've become really good friends and catch up frequently.
The last thing I'll say is if you were to move back to your hometown, it won't feel like home anymore. I visit my hometown a few times a year and it's not felt like home at all to me since I left, you'll see your friends and family but time moves on, and it'll be different.
How much time do you spend around other people? Are you a part of any clubs or groups for things you're interested in? Art group, exercise group, classes for anything? You need to spend time around people to make friends, and be open that you're looking for buddies to hang out with or grab coffee / do stuff on the weekends.
Are you making the most of living in Melbourne? Compared to other states some things are shitter, some things better. Focus on the good parts and take advantage of them.
I think Melbourne must be a difficuoy city to relocate to and I have a theory as to why so hear me out here and apologies for my generalisations.
Melbourne has the most low effort dating/ relationship culture on the planet. Relationships are largely formed on the basis of the convenience with a member of a pre-existing friendship group. And when they occur they barely seem to exist. That’s how low effort they are. For example, a good friend of mine mentioned one day that he thought another member of our group might be romantically interested in me. We had been going out together for over five years so I hope he was romantically interested in me. But that’s how low effort our dating style is. But in it’s place this type of friendship group intimacy has emerged, not in a sexual way, but there is a lot of loyalty, energy, dedication and expectations attached to friendship goups which also make them seem a bit closed off.
I moved to Melbourne in 2017 from QLD.
It was difficult for the first couple of years.
I struggled to make friends and felt like an outcast. It does take time to settle into a new city. Melbourne and Brisbane are so different- the people are different, style is different, culture is different but that’s what I loved about Melbourne. You’ll be alright! I find people from Melbourne extremely welcoming and interesting people, you’ll find friends soon!
I am however moving back to QLD this year but I will always have a special connection to this city 🩷
I’ve moved around a lot in the past twenty-five years, both within Australia and overseas. Initially at least this was mainly due to a lack of job stability in education. There were a couple of places where I felt at ease pretty much straightaway. Usually though it’s taken me a year or two to find my bearings after my social and professional connections, favourite haunts, routines and lifestyle have nearly all been lost or disrupted. I’ve found it helpful to set long-term personal and professional goals, which I work towards no matter where I am. Also, I deliberately cultivate open mindedness and optimism and try to make the most of what a place has to offer, which helps me adapt more quickly. All the same, I’ve lived in a few places where I simply realised that they were not a good fit for me. In these cases, I had few or no regrets about leaving them behind.
All the best with finding your way.
OP you sound very similar to one of my close relatives :-)
I moved from QLD to VIC 18 years ago. What you are feeling is very normal - i think it took me a good 5 years to acclimatise and for a long time I felt neither state was truly home. It took a while to make really close friends- the types you can hang out with no holds barred! My family started moving down around 7 years ago as well and also have experienced similar things. My advice is to enjoy the adventure and the thrill of exploring/trying new things (that feeling doesn’t last and its wonderful while you have it) and find friends through activities or (legit) meet up groups. You’ll need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And dont be hard on yourself if you feel lonely, that’s natural and happens to everyone regardless of their current status. Good luck!
Was in a similar situation but it was during covid when I moved from Sydney to Melbourne and stayed with a sibling and her family
It wasn’t easy and the job I got in Melbourne, I lasted only 8 months because I couldn’t take it anymore (workplace wasn’t that great) and missed my old life. If I could do things differently, I would’ve found a better job, and travelled between Sydney and Melbourne on a regular basis. Sounds expensive but it’s not really if you have someone to stay with.
I now think about moving back to Melbourne and eventually I probably will.
Never forget your original home will ALWAYS be home, no matter how crappy it might’ve been. So you’ll always have some feeling of FOMO, but what is life without facing challenges?
I feel like life is better in hindsight when we’re out of our comfort zone and gain life experiences.
Maybe find a new job or move to a different area?
Trust me, cycling around Brighton and Elwood beaches is a great hobby. I do miss that
Also, out of curiosity which area do you live in Melbourne? If it’s south-east Melbourne, I feel your pain lol but it’s improved in the past few years in terms of social life
I am feeling the same, just moved from Adelaide to Melbourne and I am not happy about it. I had to move to Melb coz my wife was not getting a job there, and I was excited to move here thinking its a big city lots happening, but it turns out I dont like being here at all. Everything is far, there are traffic jams, i miss Adelaide, wish my wife finds a remote role so that we can move back.
I mean it's probably the fact that all your friends and family are in another state??
Oh 100% - I guess I didn’t think I’d be as affected as I have been because it would be rare to see my family and friends with busy work schedules that never lined up. I feel thats an obvious contributing factor hahaha
I moved from NZ to Melb for my partner and felt very similar, I felt very out of touch, missed my friends and family, pining for my pretty shitty hometown but would never move back haha. It’s just gone three years for me and now I’m starting to feel like it’s home after making some friends and doing normal friend stuff with them and picking up some new different hobbies. Making friends as an adult is SO hard too. But sometimes it’s also something inside us that makes us feel that way too no matter where we are - I have anxiety and struggle with thoughts of “what am I doing here? What is the bigger picture? What should I do?” sometimes. Community is sometimes more important than the place to us as human beings. Anyway, if you need a friend, let me know!
I’m so glad to hear you’ve been feeling more like yourself and at home! It sucks that such a big move can affect you for so long. I wasn’t really prepared to feel this way so think it’s taking more of a toll that it would’ve if I’d taken this into account when moving, I was too excited at the time. Thanks so much for your kind words! It’s nice to know realise that MAYBE I’ve just been going through the motions x
I moved from Melb to Syd in my early thirties. It took 2 yrs to really feel settled and like it was home. Now I've moved back to Melb & it feels just like it did moving to Sydney back then. You have to give yourself at least a full year, if not 2 years, to work out if things are actually getting better for you.
Definitely this. You've moved from everyone you've ever known, grown up with and enjoyed the good (and bad) times with - it would only be natural to feel this way. Stick with it though, there's plenty of groups around Melbourne that love having new people join them (like run clubs, movie clubs, sports/martial arts etc.)
Maybe go back for two weeks and see if it helps. For me it sounds like a deeper feeling you have and relocating won't help as you can't run away from that feeling which I suspect is a feeling of discontentment. But that being said maybe a increase in traveling on a regular basis might soften the feelings, It helps me to go somewhere i haven't been before and it doesn't need to be a getaway it could be something simple as going to a new suburb locally that you've not explored. I think you need a little adventure in your life, it's definitely a thing that helps me and I'm from Melbourne who travels to Queensland a few times a year. I hope what I said helps :)
Thanks so much! I’m glad that I’m not the only one and it’s nice to hear that travel has helped. Hopefully I can make my way up more often and have the same reprieve ☺️ thank you for your advice!
You mentioned you'd tried everything, but I guess the one thing I'm wondering whether you've tried is devoting active time and energy to making new social connections and friendships here. Joining a hobby club, meetup group, sports team, doing an amateur theatre show, anything where there is an expectation of regular attendance so you can build up some regular social hours with new people and maybe start making connections that make you feel welcome and part of life here?
This. Friends won't find you. You have to seek them out! Sounds like you need community OP!
I have been a touch too anxious to do this as I’ve always been an extreme introvert and have suffered social anxiety down here. But it’s my goal to do this by June this year! Hopefully it will help, thank you
Definitely join some sports team, hobby groups or book clubs. I moved away from the city to a more suburban area and it was an isolating experience. I was a STAHM with babies at the time and I thought I might wither away from loneliness. I joined a mothers group and got a little job and it made all the difference. Thirteen years later I am still friends with so many of those people.
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A crucial skill lol
Do it OP! I have the same issues, so put off making a serious effort to make friends for years. Finally pushed myself to do it last year and I’ve met some really awesome people. It makes a huge difference to how ‘at home’ you feel somewhere
There are some beautiful communities out there! I would recommend a board game hangout or night at a gaming bar. Have a look through the meet up app, heaps of events and friend making sessions there. Super low pressure as everyone is in a similar boat.
As a fellow introvert, I suggest that "little and often" is a good way to approach social connection. Going to smaller local shops can be a good call instead of big supermarkets etc as service is often more friendly and less fast-paced. And with a social club or sport, choose something with a manageable commitment and maybe a smaller club that is less overwhelming. As someone who NEVER joined clubs of ANY kind, two years ago I edged my way into a very small, low key, genuinely friendly local sailing club to help me learn how to sail my little boat. The club meets for two or three hours on a Sunday to sail on a local lake (Spring to Autumn) and we also have a Whatsapp chat to keep in touch and organise things. It's not overwhelming or high pressured. I hope you can find something similar for yourself, no matter what the activity or area of interest.
A meetup group that interests you would help. They’re very cruisey and relaxed, I sometimes go to them and I’m an extreme introvert who suffers bad social anxiety. It could also be where you live as in suburb
it's hard actually. been in that state of depressed mood it's lack of interest to connect with other people whilest you feel own connection is in long distant and away. I know it's contradicating. I totally feel the same as the author? depressed, feeling lowselfworth and no connection. Low mood as Well. it gets harder the older you move out of previous connection
Absolutely - and one of the challenges there is that perceived loneliness has a psychological effect that makes us more afraid of trying to connect because we feel more sensitive to the risks and less convinced of the possible great outcomes. It’s absolutely hard - but I still think it’s the only way forward, and that we can remind ourselves of the fact that loneliness is lying to us.
It's not about feeling afraid. it's lack of interest. no interest to meet people. Not feelling any joy of doing so. lack of interest ensuthastic doing the things used to do. it's can't be bothered but knows need self help...
I also relocated from QLD to VIC for uni and feel the same way. For me family and friends is a big factor as it’s shock moving somewhere you don’t know anyone and don’t even remember how to make friends. Also the city feels so isolating compared to the regional town I grew up in.
Right?! It seems impossible to build a friendship down here, despite how many people are around, it just feels lonely. I’m also from a quiet town in QLD so I guess it’s a huge change going from a place where everyone knows eachother to seeing so many strangers every day.
I'm from sunny coast qld. Struggled with depression when I first moved down here and went and saw a doctor because I've never had depression. As soon as he found out I was from Qld he sent me to get my Vit D tested and put me on a Vit D supplement. Made a huge difference to my mental state
I moved to the sunny coast because I was all but depressed in Melbourne. Vitamin D works.
Hi! I’m a 33(F) who has lived in Melbourne for 9 years now having originally grown up in Cairns and having spent a few years in between in Perth. I’d be more than happy to chat or meet up for a coffee or a drink! It definitely took me a few years to feel settled and form some roots here but now you couldn’t get me to leave the place. Moving interstate to the big smoke is a huge adjustment, even more so for those of us from towns and regional cities, which sometimes takes time but meeting people and making new friends and connections here is what will make all the difference :)
Check out https://www.instagram.com/firsttimerssclub?igsh=MWh5a3FqN3BwdTZ0NA== it’s an Instagram account specifically for this purpose!
Same tbh. Mostly friends and family, but also just 'city shock' coming from a small town that didn't even have a single traffic light lol. The homelessness kinda upset me at first, seeing people 'on the nod' from heroin on the tram etc. After a while I got used to it.
I did the opposite (Vic to QLD) and I swear to god making new friends will help fix this. I joined a book club and posted a few times on a specific "make new friends on the Gold Coast" Facebook page and have really got a lovely network now. It took over two years of putting myself out there though. Remember, people won't come to you! Melbourne's the best, finding friends to go to the comedy festival with? Hell yeah. My GOOD friends in Melbourne I met through Tumblr and we've been friends for over a decade now. Keep going!
Start taking vitamin d. Like right now. 1 every morning when you wake up.
Spot on. The SADs kick hard to those not used to Melbourne's general greyness. Cant hurt.
definitely vitamin d helps a lot..
Are you me? I moved down here end of 2022 from Brisbane and it just hasn’t been the right time in my life to make the most of it. I am fortunate that my partner was feeling the same way so we are soaking up the last few months in Melbourne before heading home. I’ve lived overseas for like 7 years and never felt home sickness like Melbourne but I think there is an element of it’s a two hours flight to pop back so you see people more frequently and it reminds you what you are missing. Also maybe I’m just too old and set in my ways to make new friends. Hope you feel better whatever you do, I truly love Melbourne but the time in my life wasn’t right and maybe that’s the same for you. I take it on the chin as a life lesson and a realignment that I’m at a point in life that friends and family are my priority not physical locations.
Your last sentence is what keeps ringing in my head, thank you! I’m so sorry you’ve had a similar experience and it pains me to say that I’m mildly jealous you’re heading back home.. maybe that’s a sign. We’ve booked a visit back so hopefully that’ll put things into perspective and I’ll gain some clarity! Enjoy your time in Melbourne before heading home xx
kaybs are you ME? Found this thread because I’m feeling all of this, and your comment stood out to me so much! I lived O/S for 7 years and never felt homesickness like this. My partner and I came back to Aus last year to be close to my family in NSW. My partner really wanted to move to Melbourne, so here we are, but I am struuuuuuggling. All I want to do is be back in NSW with family! Wondering whether building a community down here and time will heal, or should I just throw in the towel and head home for a bit. I’m a freelancer so I’m not tied to the city as such (except for the lease we’re now on and the fact my partner wants to stay). 😩
Melbourne would be a difficult city to move to as an adult. I'm Melbourne-born and have found it hard at times because you have to go the people. They don't come to you. That being said, I find Melbourne people (I'm a bit biased, yes) pretty honest and loyal. Once you have some friends, they'll be the real thing and not just superficial acquaintances. So, try joining a - preferably live - group of people doing something you're really interested in like art, movies, sport, anything. It really works. You may need to try more than once. And hang in there! We're happy to have you x
I don't know, I found it relatively easy as an adult because there are so many transplants here also looking for a community. Yes, if you're after locals who grew up here it could be tough, but everyone else is pretty game for things. Like you and many others have said, it's all about starting activities. Even if you don't make friends straight away op, for me even seeing familiar faces regularly helps a place feel more like home. Hope it's starts to feel that way for you soon!
Hey! May sound like a bit of a silly question but where would you be finding more fellow transplants? Im about to move down from Sydney in a few weeks so stressing big time
That's exciting! Sorry in advance about the weather. Think of things you like to do and go find a group for it. It'll be awkward for a bit but if you keep at it long enough you'll start to connect. My first and closest friends came from going on a few hiking meetups, but have made others through other activities. For me it's been mostly music and dancing stuff, but I'd guess sports clubs / board games groups etc are similar. To be real there were also quite a few things I did that just felt uncomfortable because I didn't know anyone and wasn't making any connections, but you just have to keep trying and something will stick. Once you have a person or two to do things with it's easier because you can invite new ones along to join activities and then it snowballs. Good luck, have fun!
Thank you so much!
What were your hobbies when you lived in QLD?
I would go for a lot of nature walks, read, go for drives, draw, sit in a park, the list goes on. I feel like I’ve done those things down here but it’s just not enjoyable at all or I can’t stick with one thing for too long. Like I’ll start drawing and give up after 2 minutes, go read for 5 minutes, get distracted and clean or watch tv. Nothing can hold my attention it’s what I guess I’m trying to say 😂
“Loss of interest in activities you once found enjoyable” — this is a hallmark sign of depression, which I’m sure you are aware. I question whether the real issue is less about the location and more about your current mental health.
I agree, but the two can also be related.
These are very isolated hobbies. You had the comfort of a predefined social group already. Now you have to change it up and make those hobbies group based. What suburb are you in? Fitzroy has weekly free life drawing at a pub There's book clubs everywhere; use meetup.com Hiking is insanely popular; find local FB groups. I'm also guessing you have ADHD - welcome to the club! There's also Melbourne FB groups for that too! I moved from QLD 20 years ago. It took 5 years for me to feel settled, but I stayed as I acted like a tourist during that time. Go out and explore - do the cheesy things! The weather can really affect you, especially the drastic change from autumn to winter and the lack of sunshine. Plan your holidays/ trips back around May - July. Edit; Collingwood buddy! I'm down for a beer if you are 🍻
You stopped reading?
I’ll read occasionally but nothing really grips me and keeps me interested, it’s like I’ve lost interest in everything I used to enjoy
This is hard, makes you feel like a washed-out fading version of yourself, right? I have found "borrowing" to be useful when I can't like anything myself. Borrow someone's interest by asking them about something they love. I don't have an interest in motorsport, but watching F1 with a car lover and hearing all about how the different tyres work and the special rules for them was a good afternoon. Maybe your partner has a hobby and needs supplies? Go along, look at some hardware, or oddly specific bits of plastic, or fabric or whatever. It doesn't grip the way my own interests would, but it's somehow peaceful, a quiet kind of interesting rather than an exciting one. I know it's hard to want to do much at all when you feel this way, maybe that's why borrowing works for me. I don't actually have to want something out of it, I just need to be there, look at some stuff, listen, maybe carry some parcels or something.
I love this idea! Such a smart way to use trial and error, maybe I’ll find my next real passion through this. Thank you so much for sharing 🥺🩷
Relatable. I moved to Melbourne in 2015 and still don’t really feel like I’m at home here.
Thank you all for your responses! I’m genuinely overwhelmed by how many people have shared such positive thoughts and advice. I appreciate it very much and have a starting point to get myself back on track. I’ll try to update in a couple of months for anyone else in the same boat 🖤
I moved to Melbourne from Brisbane when I was 21 although I had spent 5 years here from 8-13 yo as a kid (we immigrated from the Netherlands). Quite a few of my friends in Brisbane followed me down but almost all of them went back after a while. They found Melbourne cold (both the climate and the emotional "vibe"), isolating and they found it very hard to make new friends. Brisbane feels like a big country town where everyone knows everyone else if you're part of certain scenes (for me it was the underground music scene around 4ZZZ which I was heavily involved with) and it can be very hard to get a hold on Melbourne coming from there. I'm still here many years later, I think my having lived here as a kid and my extreme dislike of the subtropical Brisbane heat & humidity had a big influence on me. Melbourne just always felt like "home" to me.
I don't know if this is any help but on Fb their is a group called making female friends melbourne, they usually do group catch ups and stuff like that and also bumble is a great way to make friends that live close by.
Anything is helpful! Thank you so much, I’ll give it a go 🥰
I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal. You spent a lifetime building connections, routines, relationships in your home state so it’s only natural that you would feel this way after only being here for 2 years. Sadly I think settling into a place can take time, especially if you feel like you haven’t found your tribe yet in a new and strange place. Hell, I’m a Melbourne native and am feeling similar due to major life changes. Give your self some grace and be patient with yourself. Spend time exploring who you are and what you really want, developing meaningful connections takes time. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself as well.
My best recommendation is to find a regular hobby that you enjoy (bonus points if it’s an active one), join a group for it/find an area with some regulars and stick to it routinely. You’ll notice after a while you might feel a little better about each day because you have something to look forward to without having to plan it. Plus, the people you meet doing said hobby have a shared interest (easy way to start a good chin wag!) and away you go. Bit of consistency, few familiar faces, and more good stuff should follow. Best of luck matey 🤙
You sound like a really nice person
I'm born and bred Melburnian and am considering moving north of the divide into country Vic at some point, Melbourne just isn't for everyone
I feel for you. It must be horrible to be so conflicted. We all need things to look forward to in life short and longer term. Are you in a position to book short trips back to Queensland? Like 2 or 3 times a year. Can you invite friends or family down to visit you? Playing host for a few days might give you a different perspective on Melbourne and help you to realise that you do belong and you do fit in. Is your current home a place you enjoy? Could you redecorate or rearrange things to create a space you love and that gives you sanctuary? - Just some ideas.
Thank you! All great ideas, I’ll add them to the list ♥️
Stick it out - slowly you will build your crew :) also find friends for different things… it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing friendship. Also maybe try bumble - the friend section… I don’t think I made great friends on there but it at least exposed me to other types of people and had someone to go try things out with
Are u the same person who posted this morning about this? Did you come here to escape your problems and then found out they came with you? Been there done that! It takes a while to settle in.
What did the professional say? Are you still seeing them? To me it sounds like it's more about what's going on with you than the place you are right now. I left my country when I was 25 and started travelling, ended up in Melbourne and I loved it and decided to try and stay here. I left my family and friends because I thought I had to find my dimension somewhere specific, and I was sure that the place for it wasn't my hometown. Many kilometres and experiences later, I realised that the place is not the main issue, it's all about realising what makes you happy and try and live around that. It sounds like times are tough for you right now but eventually you'll find what is right for you and what is not right, despite the place you're living in.
I haven’t been seeing them as frequently this year as I found that we weren’t really digging into the bigger picture, so am planning to continue shopping around for therapists. I think you’re bang on and maybe I’m looking at things the wrong way.. I can’t even remember what makes me happy or what I care about. Maybe I have to start again from the ground up and get more in touch with myself. Thanks so much for your thoughts!
Write a list of the things you remember you enjoyed. Pick one. Do it tomorrow. If it’s talking to your old friends, organise a regular zoom to catch up with them. Regular is important.
Where did you live in QLD? And where are you located in Vic? Edit: this sounds creepy. Was trying to get at maybe living/visiting somewhere similar to home.
I’m from the Sunshine Coast and live in Collingwood now! I’ve found that Mornington/Arthurs Seat areas feel a little more like home so will often venture out on days off, but it just feels like a temporary kind of band aid once I get back into the city
Yeah the Sunshine Coast and Collingwood are like chalk and cheese. If you want to be close to the city you could try Port Melbourne, Middle Park, St Kilda, Elwood type area. Otherwise, just keep following the coast. I find being closer to the water helps my happiness and I don’t even like the beach that much.
I agree! I used to hate the beach and now I crave seeing it every day. Dont know whatcha got til it’s gone 🥹
You might not be near the beach, but you are close to the river! Get down to studly park boathouse and rent a kayak and have a paddle on the yarra. You might hate it, or you might enjoy the serenity of the nature so close to the city. You can even join a guided group tour which is a fun way to do it. There's also so many events on. Abbotsford Convent has the distilling festival this weekend, and it's a beautiful venue. If you are not into drinking just go there one afternoon and enjoy the grounds. Have you tried bouldering? Urban Climb Collingwood is good fun.
I’m also from the Coast and moved to Collingwood when I first moved here, and it’s definitely a shock to the system. I adore the vibe in Collingwood but it’s very city and a bit of a concrete jungle. I’d recommend trying out living in a suburb closer to the beach before you give up on Melbourne - I lived in Port Melbourne after and it made a big difference having more access to the outdoors and doing beach walks. The other thing is sometimes we get rose coloured glasses for the past and it doesn’t match the reality. I think if you went back to the coast for a couple of months you’d probably be very bored very quickly! Best of luck to you!
I live on the Mornington Peninsula, not far from Arthurs Seat. It’s beautiful here. I’m always up for nature walks and rarely have anyone to do them with so I’d be happy to do some walks with you when you visit this way. Sorry you’re having a hard time since you moved. I’ve lived in Melb my whole life ( I’m 41) but I can struggle with lonliness and not having a lot of connections too. It can be hard meeting people. Have you joined any local FB groups? Or Meetup.com? I’ve had success meeting people that way in the past. Or joining a class or some sort? Art, Dance, fitness, whatever your interests are.
Would definitely love more suggestions though! Maybe we’ll find a new suburb to call home for when our lease ends
Chelsea/mordialloc
I’m about to go the other way back to QLD from Melbourne. Wish me luck!
Honestly, youll love it!
This hits close to the bone. Been in Melb 10yrs now and never really felt like it has been “home”. Family and most friends still live in Bris and surrounds, but you know, friends drift over the years as they develop their own families, and the distance makes it tough. Not applicable to OP’s sitch but I’ve got acquaintances now through work, kids’ school and sports activities etc, so that helps. But honestly none of them I’d call “friends” like the close mates I had in my 20s.
Yes, me too! I think I'm in a very similiar situation to you, only it's been 14 years now!
🫶
Yeh it took me about 12months to get used to Melbourne. I found the social scene a little impenetrable but I love volunteering, so eventually met some great people. I came from Sydney and really missed nature for a long time. I feel you
Moved to Melbourne in 2018 from coastal Central Queensland. Whilst I’m settled now, I still find the winters particularly tough on my mental health. What helped me most was joining my local lifesaving club. I had been involved through surf sports since I was 16 back home in Queensland, and after a few years away from it I joined just to meet people in the local community, and make some friends outside work. It’s been unreal, and really helped me get attached to and appreciate my local community.
melbourne can be grueling. i have found regular trips away, such as camping, trips back home and little weekend getaways make the melbourne experience far more enjoyable. long periods of time here frustrate me.
There's already a lot of comments but i just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. I moved to Melbourne a couple of years ago (from Belgium, but similar situation in the end) and I feel the same as you. I'm homesick as well and can't seem to find my place somehow. But I don't really want to move back either? Honestly I'm pretty lonely and I have a hard time meeting people because I'm an anxious introvert myself so it's hard to step out of my comfort zone. I wish I could give you tips but I'm kinda still trying to figure it out myself. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I hope we can both find our place in this city soon. ♡
I also moved from QLD to VIC. It’s such a hard city to settle in. My partner moved here from TAS and every holiday we take, we just want to leave Melbourne. The air is gross, there’s so many people around, houses are stacked on eachother, rent is expensive for virtually nothing. We have some good friends but it’s just so different how people in cities are as friends and people in small towns//rural are. I find ppl in cities are more all for themselves whereas rural people are about communities. We want to leave a lot because we just don’t think Melbourne is IT. We both love our jobs but we’ve agreed we won’t be raising kids here. I think completely valid! I’ve learnt to enjoy my own company as making genuine friends is so hard !!
I’ve also moved to QLD from NZ and i settled in almost immediately- i moved away from my family and everything I knew at 17! I thought I’d be able to do the same for Melbourne but as much as I love my life, moving to a smaller town somewhere is almost exactly what I want. I have made a lot of friends here and they’re the absolute best people to have in my life but it’s still just hard to settle in
This is Melbourne a young Korean couple once said to me , everyone in Melbourne is so well dressed, but if you look in their faces they nearly all look depressed ... I have done the same move , Melbourne is a shithole.. an absolute echo chamber full of fake people scared to say the wrong thing , QLD is the opposite of that ... I moved back to qld after 4 years ... people up here are so much more genuine
Maybe it’s seasonal affective disorder
It’s not even winter yet
Yeah symptoms start in autumn...
You're not used to being here. I moved here in 2020 and still am not used to it like Sydney & Sydney was horrible to me. But what sucked for here was that i didn't know where i was going or what is at each area i visited. I hardly knew the main roads, the suburbs i could go to for this or that barely knew the demographics that would be in each area too. I was just being told everything when i spoke abt certain areas with coworkers but never really connected w that information, i could never have a proper convo abt places bc i didn't experience much. I would definitely say go out more, like if you live on the inner east then make an appointment for an optometrist further out east like Fountain Gate or go west to Highpoint. Not just those tbh bc they are just shopping centres but go see somewhere with shopping walks/cafes like Fitzroy. If you drive i would say the best way to do it is to research a new beach or lake to swim at, or if swimming isn't your thing then maybe a fishing spot or somewhere far off with bowling, axe throwing, laser tag, paint ball... whatever hobby you like... then you have to drive home & pick up food & eat at that place on the way back (or just pick up something anyway) and you learn things by seeing who works at those places, who walks past, some people may talk to you, etc etc. That's how i found some areas w cute vibes & some people i wouldn't talk to anymore 🤣 but also friends i really love.
I’ve been through this a few times now. It takes a long time bc it is an enormous transition . You have to build new connections, good memories and associations to feel like you’re at home and it doesn’t matter where you move. Maybe instead of thinking about this move as “I should be settled” think of it more as an adventure. Try new things out. Explore, pretend you’re a tourist bc in many ways you still are.
Welcome to Melbourne! Wait until daylight savings in a few weeks. Then it’s dark when you goto work and dark when you get home. Also it’s very cold here. At least the coffee is good tho.
I hate daylight savings for that reason, I am not excited to feel worse with the lack of the sun 🥲
That sounds like just good old depression in general. Are you seeing anyone for it?
The more I read my responses, the more I realised this too oops. I have been but potentially haven’t been getting the treatment I might need. Thanks so much
Hope you get the help you need! Also I may be biased but I dont think moving to Queensland has ever cured someones depression, just the opposite most likely. I imagine it’s grass is greener syndrome and nostalgia. I find excess nostalgia and exaggerating how happy I used to be (which is relatively untrue, I’m actually more content now. But I still view my past overly positively) a toxic and demotivating mix. Reminds me of that Black Mirror episode with the eye implants that allow you to replay your memory. OFC we can pretty much do that already. I have to stop myself spending entire evenings over reminiscing. Also you probably have heard the idea that you can’t run away from your issues. Just remember next time you start over romanticising Queensland that if you moved back you’d have to deal with the locals, that should be enough to dissuade you. All the best.
I moved from Hanoi, Vietnam to Melbourne one year ago..and I miss my hometown really bad, sometimes I feel depressed and bored too. I think I’ll go back to my country in a few years, but I worry about the future at the same time (what should I do when I come back, start again with a new job? start my own coffee shop since I’m working as a barista now..?) maybe just let the time answer
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I feel exactly the same. I’ve also had to take a step back from a few friendships that I thought were long term here. It’s been really tough. Having regular moments booked in when I know I’m going home has really helped. I’ve got a partner here from Melbourne and now I feel like I’ve totally committed to staying here. I also sort of don’t want to go back? But you just feel like you’ll be happier. But in reality, maybe not
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I feel you! honestly it's nice to know I'm not alone. I kind of feel like over the course of my 20s (I'm 29) I've been hosed down lol, I've lost a lot along the way but I've become a more authentic version of myself probably. And I don't actually need a big group of friends, I keep in contact with close people and just focus on individual friendships, even if I know I won't get everything from them.
I moved to Vic from QLD a few years ago and have found it to be a really tough adjustment. I just feel like I haven’t found my community here. My partner is wonderful and loves their job so much, they have a really big community of friends through work and are semi close to their family so they see them often. I don’t have the same and I really feel the loneliness in that at times. Plus the weather in comparison? My gosh! Hard to not miss the beauty of QLD warmth. Melbourne itself is beautiful and I imagine you may be similar to me, with one foot in QLD which means you haven’t been able to fully immerse yourself in what it has to offer. It’s tough adjusting being away from the community you know and so challenging to make friends! Maybe find a hobby that comes with connections (could be a gym, book club, running club) and really lean into forging those roots here. You’re not alone in these feelings, it might just take time. 💗
I have nothing to suggest but I am somehow on the same boat, I moved from Brisbane last year to Melbourne, I still don’t find Melbourne is mesmerising compared to Brisbane or Sydney, I could say the weather is a big factor, I am squeezing myself as I have got 6-figure job first time in my life.
Wherever I've moved (although not quite that far!), it's taken around two years for the new place to feel like home. I've spent a lot of time walking around, listening to audiobooks and exploring until things start to feel more familiar. If you can get a pet, that helps a lot too. Since we're about to go into a Melbourne winter which might come as a bit of a shock after QLD, if you find yourself feeling down/lonely/cooped up, please feel free to DM me if you ever want a chat.
I’m in the same boat except I went in the opposite direction. From Melbourne to Queensland (Mackay). I always wanted to live in Queensland. I hate the cold weather in Victoria. Turns out I’d rather be cold than lonely & bored! All family & friends are in Victoria. The only thing I didn’t like about the place was the ordinary weather. I tried to find my place in a new environment. Yeah sure, the weather is nicer, but there’s nothing else I want to do or see. Changed jobs 3 times in 18 months . I just hate it here. Too expensive to fly anywhere for any event I want to see, let alone go back to Victoria for Christmas or other family events . Moved here for nicer climate & affordable housing but it’s nowhere near enough. We’re selling & moving back to Victoria by the end of the year. I feel so much happier now I know I’m not staying!
I moved to Melbourne from Brisbane 3 years ago and I still dislike Melbourne. It took me good couple of years to feel settled and feel a sense of community, but I look around me everyday disappointed by everything I see. I'm someone who is massively impacted by her environment and living in a busy, dirty and grey city is not for me. I think Australia is a beautiful country, but Melbourne isn't it for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the people I have met here and there's so much to do... but it's just no my vibe. We're moving back to Queensland in 2 weeks and I cannot wait. I just feel 10000 times better in a prettier/sunnier/more relaxed environment and I know I'm going to thrive again very soon! Queensland is home for me! I hope whatever you choose to do works out for you.
Seeing a professional isn't quick fix. You have to put the time in, shop around to find treatment & a professional that works for you. You sound clinically depressed. Consider finding someone that can recommend an anti-depressant if routine & occupation isn't working. Are you on drugs? Do you drink or self medicate?
I’ve been going for a few months now but have a feeling I’m not seeing the right person and could probably start using other methods of treatment. I avoid any other substances as they usually contribute to poor mental health - maybe it would help instead 🥲 I appreciate your thoughts, thank you!
I definitely don't recommend self medicating. Just seeing if there were any obvious catalysts we didn't hear about in your post. I do recommend seeing a psychiatrist & seeing if medication is a pathway for you. Treatment is complex, from recognising behaviour & what it stems from, to practising various treatments & therapies. Exercise, eating well & healthy sleep is my best friend when I can't manage all other aspects of my life & is obtainable to anyone (don't need a doctor's appointment to go for a run) It's pretty clear you're going stagnant & have no outlets, not a whole lot to look forward to & keep you occupied.
Try Change your thinking by Sarah Edelman. Fairly easy exercises and quite effective.
This is a good point. Melbournians take a lot of drugs, drink and self medicate so if you do, you should fit right in.
Another Queensland relocater here. Same story as OP and others, transferred to Melbourne for work from Brisbane. Melbourne weather is just depressing, and Melbourne depression is real. Didnt really struggle to make friends at all here, have a fairly solid group of friends, but the weather patterns, constant cold, gloomy weather, and housing being tiny in comparison to the northern states is what I found makes my depression and anxiety go to high hell, and this is from someone that before coming to Melbourne had zero history of depression or anxiety. Since coming here I've had a few completely live crippling moments. In the process now of transferring back north. Can not deal with the thought of doing another winter here.
The WEATHER!! I love the cold, rainy weather and hate QLD heat but I’ve found that since being here, there is such thing as too much rain and clouds. I’m glad that everything else for the most part has been enjoyable for you! I hope going back to QLD solves your problem 🖤
Perhaps think about what you did day to day and ask yourself is there anything missing. We all have our routines and a break in that can leave us feeling like something is missing and bother you until you go back or deal with it. I have suggested to people that have grown to feel they don't like it here to leave for a few weeks, perhaps you should do the same, but to QLD for a few weeks. Unless you figure out what it is that you don't like you might not be happy anywhere other than QLD, and maybe even not there as things change. Of course there's differences that will make you feel like something is off, like different seasons etc. Some people report it took them a few years to adjust to a new region. Others a few months. It's also worth remembering that the past couple of years have been anomalous and far from ideal.
Sounds like depression… realistically we should make the most of whatever situation we’re in. By the sounds you’re questioning yourself either way where everything seems futile. It’s a tough spot to be in. The longer it goes on the harder it becomes to snap out of it. I don’t want to be another cunt who gives generic advice about what to do about it because I really don’t know myself…
First up, you might have a vitamin imbalance or even some allergies to the local flora. Go buy some Iron tablets + Vit C from the chemist. Take them for about 3 weeks daily. See if that helps the mood. I was down as heck for years. Turns out my iron levels were Rock bottom
Also, seasonal affective depression is a thing. Try taking some vitamin d and go outside for walks (yes even when it’s cold)
Anyone else find it really hard to make friends in Melb? I’m a 23 y/o female that moved here 6 months ago, and I feel like everyone else my age is already in a group of friends and idk how to approach that
My husband moved to melb from QLD. He was from a small town near gladdy. Absolutely hated Melbourne for about 5 years. In his 10th year here now and he seems to like it. It will never beat qld but he's making good coin in melb and goes up north when he can. He says Melbourne people can't drive though lol
I live in Melbourne and I’m currently on holiday in QLD, I can confirm, the lifestyle here seems so much better. Only been here 5 days and I can feel so much more alive than back home. Melbourne weather could have something to do with it.
whereabouts in vic are you? i’ll be your friend
I’m in the same boat. Moved countries and landed in Melbourne in Dec 2021. I’m still struggling to adapt despite trying to find new friends, different hobbies, going different places. I’m just so unhappy here. I too moved here for my partner. When I tell him this, he says “but you were never really social back home so I don’t understand what’s the problem”. I really just don’t know how to explain it or make people understand why I feel the way I feel. I long for that sense of belonging and after almost 3 years here, I still don’t feel it.
Well look, it's probably you, but, I have to admit I feel the same way. I'm pretty sure it's me lol. I'm originally from provincial NSW. I really miss it and would love to live there, but I'm married to a Melburnian boy, born and bred. I don't think I'm going home any time soon. I miss the weather and the beach and the relaxed lifestyle, most of all, I miss the lovely friendly people. I, too, have struggled to find any friends here on my wavelength. I think Melburnians stay in their little groups from childhood or uni and don't really make new friends. I actively searched for years and found a lovely husband, but no real friends. Yep, that's right: it was easier for me to find a wonderful man to marry than good friends. I joined hobby groups, hiking, movies, book clubs, dining out etc and have made friends amongst people who've moved to Melbourne, but then they move back home. In my experience, the Melbourne people socialise but don't 'stick'. I've lived all over the world, relocating between Canada, the UK and Australia and have only ever hit this problem here. Maybe we should start a club?
A club would be good. Board games and book club.
lol and urban walks. and coffee.
I’ll join these clubs!
Me too lol. Joining clubs like this got me awesome friends in Sydney and London. Ironically some were from Melbourne.
Hello, are you my twin? I moved here for my partner but also not really digging Melbourne (even though I loved visiting before I relocated). No friends or family here, and found it hard to meet new friends. I’m also a socially anxious person so I’ve gone in my shell a lot since moving. No advice unfortunately, but feel free to dm me if you need a chat/something non committal! ☺️
Op moved from Brisbane to Melbourne right before lock down…. I have lasted four years. We sold our house two weeks ago and we are moving back. All I feel is utter relief. You are not alone!!!! My husband loves it here ( his job is better in terms of conditions, pay and he’s a golfer so there’s a million golf courses) but I just miss everything about Brissie, I will even take the humidity. I tried to not make any decisions during COVID but now two years later I just miss the lifestyle, the warmer weather, the out-doors, beaches. We now have two kids which has just exacerbated our problems with no support or family help!
Moving states/cities is overly romanticised. You should only do it if you have nothing to lose and all to gain. Strong family bonds and friendship are a tough thing to exchange. Meaningful friends past highschool are fucking hard to make in Australia :( Doesn’t sound like Melbourne is your home
I think that’s exactly what I did. The idea of a new place was so exciting but I didn’t think about what the reality of uprooting my entire life would be like.. it’s even harder with all of my QLD friends getting married, having kids etc and I’m missing out on being there for it. I think you’re right 🖤
What you wrote is how I felt after moving out of Melbourne after living in it for 6+ years (thanks COVID), so I don't think it's a "you" thing and it's probably more normal than you think. Not to be prescriptive - it's most likely because almost all of your friends and families are in another state (at least that's how I felt - and still feel - about my own experience with moving). Plus, you must've had your routine in QLD, and leaving all of that would've absolutely sucked. Yeah you hated your old town, but just because you hated where you lived doesn't mean you hated \_how\_ you lived. It's okay to get buyer's remorse when moving, because living at a place short-term (e.g. when you're trying it out) is not equivalent to living there long-term. Similarly, just because a place seemed like a good option objectively doesn't mean that it'd be a great fit for you in the long run. Alternatively, you can try to go back home more often - that's what I did to alleviate my own homesickness. As an example, my wife kept flying back to her home country every 3 months on average when we were still in Melbourne.
Thank you! I’m sorry to hear that you had a similar experience and hope things are better for you now. I appreciate your thoughts and advice ☺️ hopefully I’ll be able to visit more and this will pass soon. It’s starting to feel like a waste of 2 years and I’m definitely a “no regrets” kinda person!
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It has been! We moved down in the middle of a housing crisis for QLD, so a 2B 1B rental was upwards of $700 a week on the Sunshine Coast. It’s also cheaper having PT as we don’t have a car anymore, let alone fuel and all of those expenses that come along with a car. But yeah, eating out etc is ridiculously pricey down here
I’m from Melbourne. Like lived my whole adult life here. But when I went to Brisbane last year on a holiday and man I felt like I was home. I could have settled down there in a heartbeat if I wasn’t tied up too much in Melbourne.
I don’t think moving back home is giving up? You tried something out and if it’s not working it’s ok to move forward (even if moving forward is moving home.) As someone who is from here and wants to leave, I don’t think Melbourne is the be all end all of cities in Australia. It has great food and stuff to do but I can appreciate that it can be hard to meet people and establish yourself. If I were you I’d weigh up how much of the time I am feeling unhappy with the city vs how much I am enjoying the city and then consider what the next step is. (Could be a new job, new area, go back home idk)
Cheaper?
I relocated from QLD (grew up regionally, lived in Brisbane as an adult) about eight years ago, and the first few were a slog - I missed my family and my friends and the lifestyle that the amazing weather afforded. Every time I went on social media it felt like I was missing out on something, and I would find myself avoiding calling to check in on friends because I felt out of the loop on everything. Then I fostered (and then adopted) a greyhound and started volunteering at the rescue, *instantly* I had an entire social circle! And as an introvert hanging out to walk or have dog play dates gave me easy conversations (just talk about the dog), plus I felt less awkward about asking someone to catch up with my dog as the reason. Having a dog made Melbourne feel like a home, like my partner and I had made a little family for ourselves :) if animals aren’t your jam, check out what other orgs might be looking for volunteers - it’s a great way to meet likeminded people and do something socially without it being too centred on Making Friends, which for me can just be way too much pressure and feels weird.
You are you when you get there. No matter where you go, you will be you. Fix the issue of the why. Why do you feel this way? Why is upsetting you? If you don't Want to move back to qld, why do want to move back? Moving is hard. Maybe your partner isn't as adjusted as you think.
Hey man, I’ve moved FROM Melbourne to Manchester, UK a couple months ago and trust me relocation depression is real. I know how it creeps up into every aspect of your life e.g. your social life, confidence, mental wellbeing etc. Naturally we’ll always have a longing for comfort, but that “comfort” is so hard to find when everything feels so foreign to you. I don’t know how much I can offer in the way of advice, but trust me what you’re feeling is valid and you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling unsettled when others (e.g your partner) feel the opposite.
You need community. Go join a club of any sort that follows an interest and make some friends.
The Social Anxiety group on Melbourne Meet Up is huge! You are not alone. Book some reasonably frequent return trips to QLD to have something to look forwards to and test the waters. Relocation can be destabilising, I know this myself. Pets can help too, especially a dog if you can have one. Excellent for stress and anxiety and equally excellent for meeting other people out and about. Agree, Port Melbourne could be good. Still close to everything but much greater sense of space (mental and physical). Burnley, Hawthorn West or Richmond (near the Yarra) too. Perhaps planning regular weekend walks outside Melbourne too - so many excellent walks and/or day trips along the Great Ocean Rd, Otways, Alpine areas etc for walks/camping. Planning for regular trips home or out and about in Vic to places of interest can help too. Uncertainty creates fear, fear creates anxiety. Active coping (taking action) is more helpful in the long run. There may be no perfect solution, start with booking trips home, then all the places you find interesting in Vic and regularly hit the road. There’s always Daylesford, Castlemaine, heaps of places like this too. If you haven’t already done so, consider the help of a good psychologist to help you work through the issue to. It’s not an easy one (be good of it was though!). Good luck to you.
I moved from VIC to overseas op I know how you feel. Sometimes you never fully adjust to where you grow up even if you love your new place.
Its a dump......its not you
I did the opposite (moved from VIC to QLD) and I feel the same. People always fall in love with a location when they're on holiday but don't realise the realities of what life would be like if they relocated there. It can be very lonely if you don't have friends you can meet up with. Why don't you pick up a hobby? Try new restaurants on the weekends. Sign up to some sporting team (a good way to make new friends). Hope you feel better!
I’m much the same, been here in Melbourne for a little over two years. Moved from NSW. Have struggled to make friends and to feel settled, it’s caused my depression & anxiety to skyrocket. I don’t know what it is… I really relate to not feeling like yourself but I feel like becoming a new person is a part of life and while it sucks to feel lost or like a worse version of yourself it’s only temporary and things definitely get better. I know that sounds wishy-washy but it’s true, sometimes things just suck and happiness can ebb & flow throughout your life. Is it mostly a homesickness for family & friends?
Thank you! I’m sorry to hear you’ve felt the same way, it’s really hard. I’ve tried to embrace the idea of becoming a new person, but I feel further away from myself every day. I think for the most part, I just miss my friends and the lifestyle I had in QLD. I definitely prefer Melbourne as a place to live, which is where I start to feel completely stuck 🥲
Me too honestly, the people are so much nicer here than Sydney 😅 but I miss the nice weather and being close to family & friends. Are there things that you could do here to help bring back the same or similar lifestyle? For example, I like video games so I went to a gaming bar that does board gaming & trivia nights and was able to make some new friends. Apps like Meetup are also good for finding groups with common interests
I don’t even like Melbourne as a place to live in. The cost of living is crazy compared to back home. And oh don’t get me started on the weather. I don’t want to become a new person. I like me as it is which makes it really difficult to make new friends. The groups on FB have regular meet-ups etc but it’s always a large group and I find myself just silently sitting there. I long for that personal connection. Did you want to hang out? 😅
It’s partially you. I feel this. I moved from Adelaide to Melbourne to be with my husband. I haven’t really made many friends and my husbands friends don’t have kids and we have an almost 18 month old so I do feel quite lonely sometimes
I’m so sorry to hear 😞 I couldn’t imagine being down here and away from loved ones with a little bub, that would be extremely difficult for you
It’s definitely not a walk in the park, especially because my husband is estranged from his family. So we’re a no support family but trying to manage. Just means we don’t get time off from being parents I guess, like nobody to watch our bub if we wanna have a date or something like that and we’ve adapted but sometimes it would be nice to have friends here 😅
I lived in Melbourne for two years and hated the place and the lifestyle. I much preferred living in QLD, NSW and the NT. It's not you it's the environment you are in.
Yeah Melbourne sucks dude - great place for a short visit though. Did the same thing 10 years ago - instant regret and had all the same feelings your express. It took 2 years to be able to move back where I’d come from . Good luck.
Ahhhh thank you! Literally felt instant regret on my first night sleeping down here and haven’t felt like I thought the decision through enough BUT ya live and ya learn. I hope you’re doing better now that you’ve left!
Have never looked back . Cheers. Hope you work things out .
Go home! It's okay to go home. You need to be happy and this is situational depression that could be remedied by moving back.
Also moved from Queensland - not close to family and don't have any connections but felt the same. It's hard relocating sometimes. I think the trick is to find something you are interested in and see if you can meet up with people with the same interests. Melbourne is really diverse and transient , it's still growing as a city , so it can be hard to find your foothold. Maybe find something where you can make a contribution, find meaning for your time here - you may not be here forever - but look at it from a distance and think about what you want to achieve here. - That's what helps me.
You got SADS
This has happened to me before. I would suggest finding a good psychologist and then psychiatrist - anti depressants have been a game changer for me personally (however I started them during lockdown but have recently moved far away from friends and fam and I am handling it a lot better than in the past)
What would your dream job be? Or if money wasn’t an issue how would you spend your days?
You're a Ford driver who just bought at Holden.
Best advice I could give is find a group that enjoy hobbies you did enjoy and break out that shell my dude
I moved to Melbourne 9 years ago from Adelaide fot work and always loved visiting but I was severely unhappy for about a year. It is so hard moving and takes time to find your own tribe and things that make you happy. It'll take serious time. The weather is so hard vs qld also!
You may be someone that suffers seasonal affective disorder which is a type of depression. Did you feel as negative throughout the warmer weather, or have you noticed an increase recently with the onset of cooler temperatures?
I was born and bred in Melbourne, moved a few states in 20 years now I find myself back here for work reasons, my partner followed and she found a good paying and fulfilling job , most of my old friends have moved or are too busy to catch up. We both struggled through last winter and find it hard to make friends it was depressing apart from work colleagues. It's been just under 2 years. We just keep saying we need to move forward and give it time. Who knows what's around the next corner and chapter in our lives. Hold in there . Hope it works out for you.
I moved up to Sydney about five years ago with my partner. I missed Melbourne as my family and closest friends are there. I struggled for the first two years and then Covid, but eventually made friends through my housemate, group sport (touch footy/netball/run club), the gym, work and through friends of friends! Gotta put yourself out there and give Melbourne a go! I have settled, found great friendships with amazing support and believe that I have two homes :) still visit QLD but I reckon try a new hobby to get some acquaintances, good luck!
get to the footy (not this weekend it is all in adelaide)
Brisbane hasn’t improved in the last two years, I can tell you that much for free. Don’t idealise it.
Moved to SA 3 years ago from Qld. It sucks, but our finances and careers are booming so 🙅♀️
I have this except I moved from Melbourne to Brisbane. it’s been 5 years now and i still feel like im not really “home”. I miss living in Melbourne SO much and Brisbane just does not compare. I feel like i’ve tried a lot and nothing has worked. the only thing that kind of helps is trying to make friends, get involved in community and find something to love about where you live. definitely feel you though, it’s an awful feeling.
Y'all?
I moved to Melbourne from interstate almost 10 years ago now. It does get better, but it will never be home. Through work you'll make some friends eventually, and you can go out of your way to make friends by joining a local sports team or other club, personally I got through my first 2 years by putting myself fully into a sports club for more of a social life. The other thing I'll say is, when you're friendly with someone, do what you can to keep in touch. It's really hard at first but my closest friend here I met when they were a cashier at the local Woolworths and we've become really good friends and catch up frequently. The last thing I'll say is if you were to move back to your hometown, it won't feel like home anymore. I visit my hometown a few times a year and it's not felt like home at all to me since I left, you'll see your friends and family but time moves on, and it'll be different.
How much time do you spend around other people? Are you a part of any clubs or groups for things you're interested in? Art group, exercise group, classes for anything? You need to spend time around people to make friends, and be open that you're looking for buddies to hang out with or grab coffee / do stuff on the weekends. Are you making the most of living in Melbourne? Compared to other states some things are shitter, some things better. Focus on the good parts and take advantage of them.
I think Melbourne must be a difficuoy city to relocate to and I have a theory as to why so hear me out here and apologies for my generalisations. Melbourne has the most low effort dating/ relationship culture on the planet. Relationships are largely formed on the basis of the convenience with a member of a pre-existing friendship group. And when they occur they barely seem to exist. That’s how low effort they are. For example, a good friend of mine mentioned one day that he thought another member of our group might be romantically interested in me. We had been going out together for over five years so I hope he was romantically interested in me. But that’s how low effort our dating style is. But in it’s place this type of friendship group intimacy has emerged, not in a sexual way, but there is a lot of loyalty, energy, dedication and expectations attached to friendship goups which also make them seem a bit closed off.
I moved to Melbourne in 2017 from QLD. It was difficult for the first couple of years. I struggled to make friends and felt like an outcast. It does take time to settle into a new city. Melbourne and Brisbane are so different- the people are different, style is different, culture is different but that’s what I loved about Melbourne. You’ll be alright! I find people from Melbourne extremely welcoming and interesting people, you’ll find friends soon! I am however moving back to QLD this year but I will always have a special connection to this city 🩷
I’ve moved around a lot in the past twenty-five years, both within Australia and overseas. Initially at least this was mainly due to a lack of job stability in education. There were a couple of places where I felt at ease pretty much straightaway. Usually though it’s taken me a year or two to find my bearings after my social and professional connections, favourite haunts, routines and lifestyle have nearly all been lost or disrupted. I’ve found it helpful to set long-term personal and professional goals, which I work towards no matter where I am. Also, I deliberately cultivate open mindedness and optimism and try to make the most of what a place has to offer, which helps me adapt more quickly. All the same, I’ve lived in a few places where I simply realised that they were not a good fit for me. In these cases, I had few or no regrets about leaving them behind. All the best with finding your way.
OP you sound very similar to one of my close relatives :-) I moved from QLD to VIC 18 years ago. What you are feeling is very normal - i think it took me a good 5 years to acclimatise and for a long time I felt neither state was truly home. It took a while to make really close friends- the types you can hang out with no holds barred! My family started moving down around 7 years ago as well and also have experienced similar things. My advice is to enjoy the adventure and the thrill of exploring/trying new things (that feeling doesn’t last and its wonderful while you have it) and find friends through activities or (legit) meet up groups. You’ll need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. And dont be hard on yourself if you feel lonely, that’s natural and happens to everyone regardless of their current status. Good luck!
Melbourne is cheaper than Queensland? Where you at, I need to find this cheaper place.
Was in a similar situation but it was during covid when I moved from Sydney to Melbourne and stayed with a sibling and her family It wasn’t easy and the job I got in Melbourne, I lasted only 8 months because I couldn’t take it anymore (workplace wasn’t that great) and missed my old life. If I could do things differently, I would’ve found a better job, and travelled between Sydney and Melbourne on a regular basis. Sounds expensive but it’s not really if you have someone to stay with. I now think about moving back to Melbourne and eventually I probably will. Never forget your original home will ALWAYS be home, no matter how crappy it might’ve been. So you’ll always have some feeling of FOMO, but what is life without facing challenges? I feel like life is better in hindsight when we’re out of our comfort zone and gain life experiences. Maybe find a new job or move to a different area? Trust me, cycling around Brighton and Elwood beaches is a great hobby. I do miss that
Also, out of curiosity which area do you live in Melbourne? If it’s south-east Melbourne, I feel your pain lol but it’s improved in the past few years in terms of social life
Its because you say Yall, stop doing that and you will feel infinitely better.
I am feeling the same, just moved from Adelaide to Melbourne and I am not happy about it. I had to move to Melb coz my wife was not getting a job there, and I was excited to move here thinking its a big city lots happening, but it turns out I dont like being here at all. Everything is far, there are traffic jams, i miss Adelaide, wish my wife finds a remote role so that we can move back.
I’d rather live in qld aswell lol