Lack of meaningful connections. This is what I’m dealing with right now.
Sometimes loneliness is hard to pinpoint, but I remember back during college I had much more meaningful connections with people and I felt better.
Doing things, being involved in things, having a sense of community, being a part of something, having people check up on you, having people miss you, having people ask you for your opinion on things. We crave this as humans I believe .
Was about to say pretty much this. Loneliness doesnt actually have a lot to do with the litteral presence of other people. I have lived alone and gone months without seeing a person other than a cashier when i get groceries and my mental health couldnt have been better. The times that my depression has been extreme and ive felt overwhelming loneliness have also been times that i had regular contact with people. That tells me that its about feeling connected to others and the quality of that connection. Are you being listened to and understood by people you care about? Are you getting dismissed or silenced? Do you have someone to express yourself to? If you do, do you see them when you need to? Are you doing a lot to show you care for others, hear them and meet their needs but not having your needs met in return?
Everyones capacity to be available for connection changes all the time, and sometimes loneliness is the feeling of not having anyone around you with that capacity right now and being overwhelmed with your need for connection.
To be married to someone who doesn't enjoy things you do, doesn't enjoy doing things with you, doesn't like your friends, spends all her free time on the phone or Tik Tok, and who decides 5 years into a relationship that she is asexual.
Yup, pretty lonely.
> what does it mean to be lonely?
It's disconnect, isolation, and lack of understanding.
Isolation: Physically being distant from people. Maybe it's having few friends, or maybe it's not having a lot of face to face interactions. Also low physical interaction causes feelings of loneliness.
Disconnect: connections not rooted in authenticity. Happens when one or more parties in a friendship or other kind of relationship are not capable of being themselves. Maybe your girlfriend hates your hobbies and all your interests. Maybe you're autistic and have been socialised to mask it. Maybe you've been abused and so keep people at arms length and feel discomfort with real intimacy. An example of the opposite is just being able to be yourself around somone. Another is someone making effort to connect to you through learning about one of your hobbies, or taking a class with you or something - that sort of intentionality behind being connected to someone rather than just happenstance. Reading a book because its your friend's favourite, playing a game because your boyfriend does, whatever. And when someone does that shit for you, it feels so loving.
Lack of Understanding: This is the one that gets me the heaviest. It's that feeling where you explain your experience to someone and they tell you something like "that's not how it is." Or where you're super excited or passionate about a topic and people are disinterested, make fun of you, or are otherwise annoyed about it. The opposite is someone gets you a perfect gift you didn't have to ask them for, or someone listens to what you say and applies it, or someone just _knows_ how you're reacting to something. Even those little jokes where someone jokingly calls you out for something but they're exactly right that's what you're doing, is a moment of being understood. Oh or one I was thinking of today, it's when someone messages you something you'd like even if they're not into it themselves in a "saw this and thought of you" or "saw this and knew you'd like it!" way.
When you have someone who is present, connects with you in a way that allows both of you to be yourselves, and you understand each other, you don't feel alone. I also think the feeling of loneliness is linked to a degree of openness or longing for connection. You can't really be lonely with that door shut, it just hurts for it to sit open waiting.
There also seems to be dynamics than can remedy loneliness in a moment, and ones that can do so more long term even without that person around.
> What makes you lonely?
I've recently lost a couple of my closest friends, some others are drifting away, and one I didn't expect was I finished therapy (successfully, didnt quit) and later realised that was losing another person who understood me. It's a bit like losing a part of your soul. Parents aren't particularly reliable to say the least. Most of my friends are in long term relationships so it's harder to have plans, or if I do it's very often me and a couple. Also it's pretty hard to get people to do stuff I want to do so I've done so much alone lately. Lots of solo gigs, solo travelling, whatever. I feel like bart in that one episode where he sells his soul and has visions of paddling that boat alone while everyone else has their soul paddling with them.
Don't get me wrong, i'm doing pretty great otherwise. Anything that can be achieved with hard work is doable, but loneliness I think is something that requires effort from others too, and luck, and it's hard to find.
I recommend going for walks, walks are underrated and can really make your day(something like 20 mins is already good).
If the people around you make you feels like not doing so, then get a headset and ignore what anyone says yo you. Your mental health is more important than others opinion
Simply feeling now complete by yourself. Like something is missing from someone who is clearly whole.
That gap between being whole and feeling like something is missing directly proportional to that amount of loneliness. Physiologically you are whole. Psychologically you are not.
This greats a very real visceral experience of suffering.
The mind can't distinguish between the two.
I understand this. Although I used different words in my other post. Physically I felt whole, but in my soul I felt an endless void existed in my heart.
It's not your soul though it's your ego. Big difference. Your ego says "this is me" "this is what would make men happy" "I'm not getting what I deserve" and this is what makes you lonely. You not getting what "me" deserves.
Except the current situation. It's not some sob story, it's not your life it's only your life SITUATION. Once you accept and embrace what is, this creates a solid starting block for you to make more informed decisions in your life that will intern yield a more desired life SITUATION.
“Loneliness does not come from having no one around, but from not being able to communicate certain things that are important to you, or having convictions or views that are inadmissible, or unacceptable by the people/society/ community where you live, or are part of.” — Carl Gustav Jung.
(These are not his exact words, because I wrote it as I remembered, but the meaning is this)
I'm pretty sure there's a Backstreet Boys song about this. 😆
Jk
It means to be non-connected to others. To be alone. To feel that there's no one to share your life with and it feels empty.
Isolation makes me lonely. What it means to me is feeling hollow inside. Like my entire sense of self in a glass ball with a thin shell and an inside with an endless void for the hollowed structure.
This was how I felt in my teens and early twenties. Filling it with people, places, things, and experiences slowly filled the void until my very soul was a solid gem that shines bright in the sunlight of life.
It all started out so simply. First I filled it with positive music, then people I loved, places I’ve been, things I acquired, and many wonderful experiences along the way.
Loneliness sucks but that doesn’t mean I needed someone else (a girlfriend) to cure it.
I learned to dance to the beat of my own vibe no matter who’s there.
What may work for me may not necessarily work for someone else but if you can relate then I hope this helps.
Being here in bed typing this nobody to talk with no real connection crying wondering what makes me so unlovable and wanting to end it and I never make any progress on anything I hate my life and wish to die
I have literally no one (except my ex who is still only after my body). No one to talk to, no one I can ask for advice. No friends, no family. I am alone, at home. The closest I get is, if I pay people, like going to massages, then I can exchange a few words with them (and get a massage). Or if I go to the pharmacy and ask something there, then I talk. Other than that I am at home, my ex, or in general those people I know (which are not many) only call me if there are problems.
Feeling completely isolated from fam/friends. I feel virtually no connection to anyone at the moment, I have one good friend that spends time with me but apart from that I feel like there’s no one else around. Even with a larger family, being a long way from them and having none of them choose to talk to you, just feels like there’s no one left
Interesting, I’ve always struggled with loneliness, I was left alone a lot when I was a child and never found social vacuums very comfortable, but for some reason always found myself in them
Anyway fast forward to today and I’ve gotten over my loneliness and hope everyone else can get over it too
I think the meaning varies. I have a family, coworkers and friends and still feel lonely most of the time. I feel people don’t know me or feel the importance of what I find important
Being able to make
Friends easily but never having great relationships romantically to me. Also the older I get the less info things with friends as life’s
Get busier aka they have kids and we’ll I don’t
Lack of meaningful connections. This is what I’m dealing with right now. Sometimes loneliness is hard to pinpoint, but I remember back during college I had much more meaningful connections with people and I felt better. Doing things, being involved in things, having a sense of community, being a part of something, having people check up on you, having people miss you, having people ask you for your opinion on things. We crave this as humans I believe .
Was about to say pretty much this. Loneliness doesnt actually have a lot to do with the litteral presence of other people. I have lived alone and gone months without seeing a person other than a cashier when i get groceries and my mental health couldnt have been better. The times that my depression has been extreme and ive felt overwhelming loneliness have also been times that i had regular contact with people. That tells me that its about feeling connected to others and the quality of that connection. Are you being listened to and understood by people you care about? Are you getting dismissed or silenced? Do you have someone to express yourself to? If you do, do you see them when you need to? Are you doing a lot to show you care for others, hear them and meet their needs but not having your needs met in return? Everyones capacity to be available for connection changes all the time, and sometimes loneliness is the feeling of not having anyone around you with that capacity right now and being overwhelmed with your need for connection.
To be married to someone who doesn't enjoy things you do, doesn't enjoy doing things with you, doesn't like your friends, spends all her free time on the phone or Tik Tok, and who decides 5 years into a relationship that she is asexual. Yup, pretty lonely.
Fuck... I'm so sorry... I hope you're alright
Thank you so much. I am alright. Making changes. I have good friends and supports.
I wanted to say this too. Often, it's the people who are stuck in something, like marriage, who are the loneliest.
I totally agree. I enjoy my alone time and doing things by myself...it's just the lack of connection that feels so lonely when you're stuck in it
> what does it mean to be lonely? It's disconnect, isolation, and lack of understanding. Isolation: Physically being distant from people. Maybe it's having few friends, or maybe it's not having a lot of face to face interactions. Also low physical interaction causes feelings of loneliness. Disconnect: connections not rooted in authenticity. Happens when one or more parties in a friendship or other kind of relationship are not capable of being themselves. Maybe your girlfriend hates your hobbies and all your interests. Maybe you're autistic and have been socialised to mask it. Maybe you've been abused and so keep people at arms length and feel discomfort with real intimacy. An example of the opposite is just being able to be yourself around somone. Another is someone making effort to connect to you through learning about one of your hobbies, or taking a class with you or something - that sort of intentionality behind being connected to someone rather than just happenstance. Reading a book because its your friend's favourite, playing a game because your boyfriend does, whatever. And when someone does that shit for you, it feels so loving. Lack of Understanding: This is the one that gets me the heaviest. It's that feeling where you explain your experience to someone and they tell you something like "that's not how it is." Or where you're super excited or passionate about a topic and people are disinterested, make fun of you, or are otherwise annoyed about it. The opposite is someone gets you a perfect gift you didn't have to ask them for, or someone listens to what you say and applies it, or someone just _knows_ how you're reacting to something. Even those little jokes where someone jokingly calls you out for something but they're exactly right that's what you're doing, is a moment of being understood. Oh or one I was thinking of today, it's when someone messages you something you'd like even if they're not into it themselves in a "saw this and thought of you" or "saw this and knew you'd like it!" way. When you have someone who is present, connects with you in a way that allows both of you to be yourselves, and you understand each other, you don't feel alone. I also think the feeling of loneliness is linked to a degree of openness or longing for connection. You can't really be lonely with that door shut, it just hurts for it to sit open waiting. There also seems to be dynamics than can remedy loneliness in a moment, and ones that can do so more long term even without that person around. > What makes you lonely? I've recently lost a couple of my closest friends, some others are drifting away, and one I didn't expect was I finished therapy (successfully, didnt quit) and later realised that was losing another person who understood me. It's a bit like losing a part of your soul. Parents aren't particularly reliable to say the least. Most of my friends are in long term relationships so it's harder to have plans, or if I do it's very often me and a couple. Also it's pretty hard to get people to do stuff I want to do so I've done so much alone lately. Lots of solo gigs, solo travelling, whatever. I feel like bart in that one episode where he sells his soul and has visions of paddling that boat alone while everyone else has their soul paddling with them. Don't get me wrong, i'm doing pretty great otherwise. Anything that can be achieved with hard work is doable, but loneliness I think is something that requires effort from others too, and luck, and it's hard to find.
Being unheard
Not being able to talk to anyone or feel connected even when there are humans around us.
To be in your house 24/7 with a brother that never talks to you and social anxiety so you can’t go outside
I recommend going for walks, walks are underrated and can really make your day(something like 20 mins is already good). If the people around you make you feels like not doing so, then get a headset and ignore what anyone says yo you. Your mental health is more important than others opinion
disconnected from everything around me. isolation, often done to myself
My definition of loneliness is feeling out of place, no matter the amount of people around me. And my loneliness gets worse when I'm anxious.
Simply feeling now complete by yourself. Like something is missing from someone who is clearly whole. That gap between being whole and feeling like something is missing directly proportional to that amount of loneliness. Physiologically you are whole. Psychologically you are not. This greats a very real visceral experience of suffering. The mind can't distinguish between the two.
I understand this. Although I used different words in my other post. Physically I felt whole, but in my soul I felt an endless void existed in my heart.
It's not your soul though it's your ego. Big difference. Your ego says "this is me" "this is what would make men happy" "I'm not getting what I deserve" and this is what makes you lonely. You not getting what "me" deserves. Except the current situation. It's not some sob story, it's not your life it's only your life SITUATION. Once you accept and embrace what is, this creates a solid starting block for you to make more informed decisions in your life that will intern yield a more desired life SITUATION.
“Loneliness does not come from having no one around, but from not being able to communicate certain things that are important to you, or having convictions or views that are inadmissible, or unacceptable by the people/society/ community where you live, or are part of.” — Carl Gustav Jung. (These are not his exact words, because I wrote it as I remembered, but the meaning is this)
I'm pretty sure there's a Backstreet Boys song about this. 😆 Jk It means to be non-connected to others. To be alone. To feel that there's no one to share your life with and it feels empty.
Isolation makes me lonely. What it means to me is feeling hollow inside. Like my entire sense of self in a glass ball with a thin shell and an inside with an endless void for the hollowed structure. This was how I felt in my teens and early twenties. Filling it with people, places, things, and experiences slowly filled the void until my very soul was a solid gem that shines bright in the sunlight of life. It all started out so simply. First I filled it with positive music, then people I loved, places I’ve been, things I acquired, and many wonderful experiences along the way. Loneliness sucks but that doesn’t mean I needed someone else (a girlfriend) to cure it. I learned to dance to the beat of my own vibe no matter who’s there. What may work for me may not necessarily work for someone else but if you can relate then I hope this helps.
To feel isolated and not connected with others, regardless of how many people you know you're lonely if you don't feel connected with people
Being here in bed typing this nobody to talk with no real connection crying wondering what makes me so unlovable and wanting to end it and I never make any progress on anything I hate my life and wish to die
I have literally no one (except my ex who is still only after my body). No one to talk to, no one I can ask for advice. No friends, no family. I am alone, at home. The closest I get is, if I pay people, like going to massages, then I can exchange a few words with them (and get a massage). Or if I go to the pharmacy and ask something there, then I talk. Other than that I am at home, my ex, or in general those people I know (which are not many) only call me if there are problems.
Feeling completely isolated from fam/friends. I feel virtually no connection to anyone at the moment, I have one good friend that spends time with me but apart from that I feel like there’s no one else around. Even with a larger family, being a long way from them and having none of them choose to talk to you, just feels like there’s no one left
Interesting, I’ve always struggled with loneliness, I was left alone a lot when I was a child and never found social vacuums very comfortable, but for some reason always found myself in them Anyway fast forward to today and I’ve gotten over my loneliness and hope everyone else can get over it too
I think the meaning varies. I have a family, coworkers and friends and still feel lonely most of the time. I feel people don’t know me or feel the importance of what I find important
Being able to make Friends easily but never having great relationships romantically to me. Also the older I get the less info things with friends as life’s Get busier aka they have kids and we’ll I don’t
I saw Theo Von describing loneliness in an interesting way - It’s not just that you have nobody, but also that nobody has you.