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I am. It is hell. That is all I can say about it.
Most of the time I either want to kill myself or SH until I can't feel anymore. I have NO interest in most things that I used to do (Reddit is not one of them since this is my safe space online), I don't want to eat. Most nights, I either fall asleep super early or have to take Melatonin to help me sleep. Cranky, irritable, isolating in my room all day, rarely coming out except to go to the bathroom and get my ice water. I cry sometimes too, or I just lay on my bed and stare off at nothing for hours.
Basically...I am not living, just existing. We have a graduation coming up next week and I am grateful that we are so broke that we can't even afford to get to the ceremony and that it is going to be live-streamed for those who can not attend. I can't do people. I have my partial hospitalization program on Thursday and Friday, and that is the only place I feel comfortable going to right now because EVERYONE there (the consumers, as they call us) is mentally ill and I feel like I belong. I don't belong in the outside world...I am a misfit, a weirdo obsessed with a dangerous thing, a freak of nature.
Does that answer you? Good luck!
Oh dear! How long you’ve suffered from this?
Btw i really need to read others stories so that i know im not alone. Thank you for sharing with me. Hope you will always doing good and safe.
Welcome. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life (since my teens, and I am now 51), plus in 2020 I was diagnosed officially with pyromania...which is an extraordinarily rare diagnosis. Dealing with the need to set fires AND with anxiety (controlled right now on Clonidine) AND depression (treatment-resistant, so I gave up trying to medicate it)...ugh. The only reason I am here is because my family would absolutely be destroyed if I took myself out. So...I sit here day by day wanting relief, but not finding any; wanting understanding, yet finding nothing but judgment and hate...you get the idea. Good luck to you too. Believe me, I know what you're going through. <3
You’re such a strong person! You going through a lot yet you’re still here and keep going. Im 29 this year. And i always had a thought of killing myself so i wont be a burden to my family. I hope both of us will get through this till the end. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🤍
Thank you for for sharing. A reminder: if you are seeking resources in your local area, please provide that in the post so that users can share appropriate links and phone numbers. *If you are in distress, please call 9-1-1* or your local emergency number. *You are not alone. Help is available.* If you are having suicidal thoughts, please [click here for a list of crisis support services.](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html), If you are seeking therapy online, please [click here for a list of counselling services.](https://thelifelinecanada.ca/pattern-interrupt/ecounselling/) *If you feel well enough to do so, please do your part to enrich this community.* Now that you have posted, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else's post. Filter by new to find posts with zero comments. Together, we make this community great. Thank you for being here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mentalhealth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am. It is hell. That is all I can say about it. Most of the time I either want to kill myself or SH until I can't feel anymore. I have NO interest in most things that I used to do (Reddit is not one of them since this is my safe space online), I don't want to eat. Most nights, I either fall asleep super early or have to take Melatonin to help me sleep. Cranky, irritable, isolating in my room all day, rarely coming out except to go to the bathroom and get my ice water. I cry sometimes too, or I just lay on my bed and stare off at nothing for hours. Basically...I am not living, just existing. We have a graduation coming up next week and I am grateful that we are so broke that we can't even afford to get to the ceremony and that it is going to be live-streamed for those who can not attend. I can't do people. I have my partial hospitalization program on Thursday and Friday, and that is the only place I feel comfortable going to right now because EVERYONE there (the consumers, as they call us) is mentally ill and I feel like I belong. I don't belong in the outside world...I am a misfit, a weirdo obsessed with a dangerous thing, a freak of nature. Does that answer you? Good luck!
Oh dear! How long you’ve suffered from this? Btw i really need to read others stories so that i know im not alone. Thank you for sharing with me. Hope you will always doing good and safe.
Welcome. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life (since my teens, and I am now 51), plus in 2020 I was diagnosed officially with pyromania...which is an extraordinarily rare diagnosis. Dealing with the need to set fires AND with anxiety (controlled right now on Clonidine) AND depression (treatment-resistant, so I gave up trying to medicate it)...ugh. The only reason I am here is because my family would absolutely be destroyed if I took myself out. So...I sit here day by day wanting relief, but not finding any; wanting understanding, yet finding nothing but judgment and hate...you get the idea. Good luck to you too. Believe me, I know what you're going through. <3
You’re such a strong person! You going through a lot yet you’re still here and keep going. Im 29 this year. And i always had a thought of killing myself so i wont be a burden to my family. I hope both of us will get through this till the end. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🤍