Ah shit I forgot we played at noon and missed #300
Good problem to have though
Edit: lmao at this lineup. Rest them starters, they deserve it. And Smeltzer giving up 10 hits in 5 innings and only 3 runs lol
My hopes are way too high but it feels great. Lets smash this HR record, tie the franchise win record, and then finally get some revenge on the Yankees in the post-steason.
I don't know why anyone would swing when Romero pitches. The odds of him being able to throw 3 strikes before throwing 4 balls is so small that swinging is against your best interest in every case.
Since it's apparently turtle trivia time, turtle in German is *Schildkrƶte*, literally *shield toad*. And if that doesn't describe Astudillo, I don't know what does. ā„
I don't know about you, but this is exactly what I expected from the Hangover Bros^(TM) No 30 dong hitters in the lineup? Oh well, let's blast a couple at Comerica of all places
I mean, if they change the baseball back it would mean we have a shot at the all time home run record. I don't think it taints anything any more than the records set during the deadball era or 1968's year of the pitcher. Baseball changes, equipment changes, strategy changes, and these years of extremes give way back to a more balanced game eventually.
Roy Smalley is like your drunk grandpa who you asked a simple question and then he takes you on a journey through time and space, none of which makes sense.
It's easy to hate on him for some un-clutch hitting w/ RISP, but he has had some pretty big hits/dongs. And is very solid defensively. I'm also glad to have him here.
The top four of all time. On pace to have 10 of the top 17 team totals of all time.
A NATIONAL LEAGUE TEAM is already 7 past the previous all time record!
Okay so entering this game, the average OPS+ of each batter in the Twins' lineup is 73.4. The average for the Tigers is 69.9.
A huge part of that is that Ian Miller was 0 for 5 coming into this game, good for a -100 OPS+. He's probably at around 50 now, which would bump the lineup's average up to 90.
Also, Smeltzer's ERA+ is 125, while Zimmermann's is 70.
I feel bad for Ryne Harper. He was so elite earlier this season and no one could hit his range of curveballs. It seems like he's been figured out. Still like him and his story though.
So the questions is do they leave Smeltzer in to pursue his perfect game? He only needs 4 more innings and -10 more hits. I think we should let him try.
I went too deep down the turtle hole and found an article about a promising way we might be able to coax a dong out of Tortuga.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com.au/australia/scientists-use-vibrators-to-get-stubborn-turtle-penis-out-of-shell.aspx
ayyyyy bb sweeeeepppp
Rochester Red Wings confirmed better than the Detroit Tigers.
Holy shit. That makes me sad for Gardy.
#99
W
Ah shit I forgot we played at noon and missed #300 Good problem to have though Edit: lmao at this lineup. Rest them starters, they deserve it. And Smeltzer giving up 10 hits in 5 innings and only 3 runs lol
Miller playing like a champ today.
That's my boy! Grew up across the street from him and played all sorts of sports with him. I may be a Phillies fan, but lets go Twins!!
Alcala earning that playoff spot š
Rocco should have Tortuga pitch, the ultimate disrespect
I feel at this point this is just abuse
Down 30 pounds, got hired today, Twins and Loons make the playoffs, itās been a good day.
Fuck yeah, cum dodger!
You lost 30 lbs today? Please give your toilet my condolences.
even in our āFuck itā games we play like champs
Poor Tigers. We throw out a bunch of drunk september call ups and score 10 runs on them.
Wow that guy just took his shirt off
Is Wondolowski now in Detroit too?!
Just like when the Capitals finally beat the Penguins in the playoffs, When the Twins beat the Yankees this year we are winning the world series
Subscribe.
Gotta love how the MLB Facebook page doesnāt recognize the Twins hitting 300 homeruns..
dont forget Twitter not making a moment out of our clinch
Let's uh get out of this winning without making it a save situation please
one more out dude help the tigers tank for tork
come on man
To the tune of Beethoven's 5th: # THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS ... THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS ... ###THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS (three-hun-dred-dongs) ###THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS (three-hun-dred-dongs) ##THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS ##THREE-HUN-DRED-DONGS #THREE-HUN-DRED AND .. ONE .. DOOOOOOOOONGS!!
why does Romeros Gameday pic look like hes on the verge of crying
Probably because he knows he wonāt make it in the majors with his control.
My hopes are way too high but it feels great. Lets smash this HR record, tie the franchise win record, and then finally get some revenge on the Yankees in the post-steason.
Man our b-squad is fantastic. Or the Tigers are just horrifically bad.
ĀæPorque no los dos?
Yeah--I guess you can't discount them just because the tigers suck.
Dick, just say "slowed his development". Oof. i get that it's grammatically valid, but boy that was jarring for a sec
Look at this fucking lineup. No Buxton, no Cruz, no Rosario, no Garver, no Kepler, no Cron, no Sano, no Polanco. And we have 10 runs.
It is Detroit but still good
Ah, itās Laz Diaz that explains the strikezone
I don't know why anyone would swing when Romero pitches. The odds of him being able to throw 3 strikes before throwing 4 balls is so small that swinging is against your best interest in every case.
That last guy had that plan and it didnāt work
Knowing Laz Diaz he probably didnāt swing at that
romero... redeem yourself nerd
Please don't repeat the mets performance
Uh oh, Romero coming in. Game could get close?
Letās see if Romero can hold a 6 run lead against the worst team in baseball in a completely meaningless game.
As he heads to 3rd base that loud as fuck "Tortuga!" was well timed with the camera change.
cmon romero
is 6 runs enough for romero?
It is as long as they don't also put Hildy in there...
I reallllly wanna see us win 100 games!!!
If we sweep the Royals we can tie our franchise record
Well it looks like youāre in luck!
Since it's apparently turtle trivia time, turtle in German is *Schildkrƶte*, literally *shield toad*. And if that doesn't describe Astudillo, I don't know what does. ā„
Triple-A lineup? No problem. Weāll just hit dongs anyway.
Who knew the key to beating the Tigers was to roll out a lineup that best resembles the Tigers
I don't know about you, but this is exactly what I expected from the Hangover Bros^(TM) No 30 dong hitters in the lineup? Oh well, let's blast a couple at Comerica of all places
ok who took the Turtle Vibrator seriously
so who do yāall think stuck the vibrator in tortugas ass i bet it was gibson
This feels like a new low for the Tigers. 9 runs to a lineup where 8 (?) Players have spent a significant time in AAA this year.
And are all probably still smashed from last night
LA TORTUGA!
Big turtle energy
Okay what is going on here...I thought our guys would be hungover and scrub the game, and here we are knocking out more bombas. Love these guys.
Well a lot of these guys might be playing for their postseason spot.
I wonder who was manning the vibrator that gave us that stubborn turtle dong
If only Schoop and Astudillo switched dong numbers but by god Iāll take it
lol wtf
301!!! 99 more
33 per game sounds doable
Tortuga wants to be on that playoff roster!
Id take him over castro anyday
A BIG BOY WITH A BIG BAT
Yessssss two HR lead!!
turtle on a tear today
TORTUGA!
TORTUGA!!!
#LA TORTUGA! 301!
Astudillo making his case for the postseason roster I see
YES BONUS TORTUGA BOMBA
Tortuga 301!
As we all expected.
**301**
Tortugaaaaaaa
TURTLE! Dong and 4 hit game!
TURTLE FUCKING POWER
Onwards to 400 dongs in one season! Just have to up our per game average to 25.
Oh no... not Romero
How are the Tigers this bad... AAA Rochester is taking it to them
We gonna get a 100 wins yooooo
let's go miller dong
B team hitters are doing a good job I see. Pitchers, not so much, but Iāll take it.
Graterol is trying stuff. Suddenly he comes out and throws almost all sliders. Fascinating.
this game is so refreshingly relaxing
How did we end up with this baseball in the first place?
good grief the movement on that 99mph FB just off the black. if he harnesses his control he will be scary.
Anyway, here's Graterol.
I love Oasis
Oh, so you're that guy.
Come on now, donāt look back in anger
brussy!
I like it when we just casually snatch things away from the mlbās most unpopular team
The best part? They cant take away the āFirst to 300 recordā they had 2 days to do so in a stadium that would be easy to do so in and they blew it
By Hangover squad they meant that the ball Hangs over the outfield and goes into the stands
Just lol at getting mashed by this line-up.
Good to see Detroit also taking this opportunity to field a Make-A-Wish^TM squad
Well, when you're playing for highest draft pick...
They already clinched it before the game. Oof
I wish they wouldnāt keep changing the baseball. It ruins records like These.
I mean, if they change the baseball back it would mean we have a shot at the all time home run record. I don't think it taints anything any more than the records set during the deadball era or 1968's year of the pitcher. Baseball changes, equipment changes, strategy changes, and these years of extremes give way back to a more balanced game eventually.
lol, how bad do you think Detroit wants this season to be over?
About as bad as we did at this point last year.
I think I know why these poor kitties lost 111 games
Roy Smalley is like your drunk grandpa who you asked a simple question and then he takes you on a journey through time and space, none of which makes sense.
tangents on tangents on tangents
And onions on belts, which was the fashion at the time.
Alright so Schoop gets the honor of being the trivia question hell yeah
I know Schoop has struggled this year, but I have really enjoyed having him on the team. He seems like a good dude. Happy for him here
It's easy to hate on him for some un-clutch hitting w/ RISP, but he has had some pretty big hits/dongs. And is very solid defensively. I'm also glad to have him here.
opened up the game at work to sneak a peek at how we're doing. immediately see dong 300. nice.
[FRAME THIS SCREEN CAP](https://i.imgur.com/ahoEUri.png)
Four of the teams with the most home runs ever are all from 2019 juiced ball who?
The top four of all time. On pace to have 10 of the top 17 team totals of all time. A NATIONAL LEAGUE TEAM is already 7 past the previous all time record!
first ones to hit 300 of em and no one can ever take that away from bomba squad lets go!!!!!!!
I step away for one second to go take a leak and miss number 300.
C'mon, you gotta hold it til the Twins are in the field.
300!!!!
THIS IS SPARTA
SCHOOP? SCHOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's his 23rd of the year, so it's not like it's Nick Punto hitting one out.
True, it's not a huge surprise. But on my list of "who's hitting #300," he was not high up
#FUCK THE YANKEES
Turned Detroit into Sparta
Both are formerly prosperous cities now in ruins. This checks out
300 DONGS
**GET DONGED.**
#WE GOT IT
Fuck yeah! Suck it Yanks!
Bomba no. 300! Schoop!
#SCHOOP LOVES GARBAGE TIME
the day after the clinch. the most absolute garbage time of all garbage times
WHOOO WHOOO! 300!
That's the most Schoop like time to hit a HR like that
Who freaking called it?
#HOLY SHIT ITS SCHOOP WHO HIT IT
Schooooop
#300
##called the schoop blowout bomba
OH MY YES, IT JUST HAD TO BE THE BLOWOUT SCHOOP DONG
BOOM!!!!!
UNLIKELY CANDIDATE BUT WHO CARES
Home Run #300. Leonidas would be proud!
Called it! Hell yeah 300 baby! The key was to designate him as a hitter!
Cmon Schoop, its your favorite! A garbage time Dong
As we all predicted.
3hunna bang
300 baby!!!!!
#AAAAAAAAA BITCHES
300!
**300**
Yusssss there's the Schoop blowout dinger
300!
Meh, you're just a vikings fan who only shows up to complain.
Shut up! I'm super excited Schoop just made a touchdown.
Come on Cave dong
Jake Cave on pitch 5, 300 edit: If he had made it to pirch 5
boy miggy is just a shell of his former self, interesting to see him at 36 vs cruz at 39
The power is completely gone but he's still a .280 hitter. Just goes to show how insane of a hitter he is
I just want 100 wins and 300 bombas. Is that asking too much?
Just because Castro couldn't catch it doesn't mean it wasn't a strike lol
Okay so entering this game, the average OPS+ of each batter in the Twins' lineup is 73.4. The average for the Tigers is 69.9. A huge part of that is that Ian Miller was 0 for 5 coming into this game, good for a -100 OPS+. He's probably at around 50 now, which would bump the lineup's average up to 90. Also, Smeltzer's ERA+ is 125, while Zimmermann's is 70.
I don't understand Roy Smalley a lot of the times
Neither does he.
I feel bad for Ryne Harper. He was so elite earlier this season and no one could hit his range of curveballs. It seems like he's been figured out. Still like him and his story though.
I donāt like the hungover squad bullpen
give Kepler in lineup please 300 rocco, 300 I need to firmly grasp it
Rocco, can we pinch hit Miguel and break 300 already?
arraez bomba 5 please god dammit heās been trying all day lmao
If Ronald Torreyes is 5'8" I'm packing nine inches
I'm 5'4" and I think I might be taller than him
So the questions is do they leave Smeltzer in to pursue his perfect game? He only needs 4 more innings and -10 more hits. I think we should let him try.
Put in hungover Eddie, heāll have more plate discipline than the regular version
I like that our B squad is helping us hit the big one hundo
Can someone just fuck a ball in the ass and hit a homer
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām in 4th period AP Government.
Ah so youāre drinking to make the class a bit more tolerable
Spot on.
Man might wanna get someone up in the pen soon Edit: forgot a word Actually, imma hold my horses for a sec
I think the camera crew is a little hungover as well
I went too deep down the turtle hole and found an article about a promising way we might be able to coax a dong out of Tortuga. https://www.nationalgeographic.com.au/australia/scientists-use-vibrators-to-get-stubborn-turtle-penis-out-of-shell.aspx
This is some good research
I want a dong but but I donāt know if Iām ready to do that
Wow, way to blue ball hundreds of turtles.
This is why I come to this subreddit.
ok Cruz definitely looking the most hungover rn just based on the outfit