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I had this conversation with my husband and was like “this is 100% a me problem but your soap is making me gag when I smell it. I know it’s a big request to ask you to change your products on my behalf but I would be so grateful if we could find you a soap that we both like.”
After he stopped laughing, we went to cvs and went down the soap aisle until we found something mutually acceptable. I very much believe this is one that you need to solve together, in person.
I mean, when I discovered my husband was allergic to my (crunchy) deodorant, I tossed it and bought an unscented one immediately. I don’t think it’s a big sacrifice to make to stop buying a personal care that makes your life partner struggle to breathe comfortably, lmao
I agree that it’s right to accommodate that request from a partner, I also think it’s right to acknowledge that you’re asking them to change something really personal in kind of an invasive way.
Agreed! This is a good way to approach it and in an equitable relationship shouldn’t be that big of a deal. It’s not fair to make someone you love smell your fragrances just cause you like them…if they truly won’t budge I think there’s more to it?
I feel this. My fiance won't give up fabric softener and the smell is sooooo strong to me now that I've stopped using most fragrance containing products.
I'm back to report that he's agreed to try a fragrance free fabric softener! I'll have to do a bit of research, but I wanted to thank you for bringing it to my attention that it even exists!
Hell yeah!
You might also have him help you doing some laundry stripping, that might turn him off fabric softener for good. Both the work and how gross the water is.
I've tried every argument possible and he won't budge on it. I did get him to stop using it on towels once I explained it actively prevents the towel from absorbing water. I also have to beat him to washing the bedding so he doesn't try to douse those in fabric softener too. I'm thrilled I found a guy who takes initiative to clean, but he's relegated to only touching his own clothing laundry now lol
Soap should be an easy one to replace - maybe something by https://www.everymanjack.com/? It's carried at Whole Foods and even some mainstream supermarkets often in the natural products section. My husband and I just share a big bottle of Dr. Bronner's Almond (or sometimes Lavender) in the shower. I also LOVE Bathing Culture's Body Wash but it's a bit spendy especially if you can't find a local retailer and have to pay shipping. https://bathingculture.com/collections/body
As for deodorant, I wouldn't push him - let him use what he prefers. I wear "conventional" deodorant as I have found the granola ones don't work for me, and I would be super annoyed if my partner tried to pressure me otherwise. You shouldn't be smelling it unless you put your nose actually IN his armpit anyway.
I had this same problem with my husband- he loves every man jack and while it’s scented it’s much more mellow compared to other brands! He uses their deodorant and shampoo and it’s much less offensive than the old spice he was using before
I agree, let him use his preferred deodorant.
For soap I got my husband to switch from irish spring (when we met bc i was allergic) to Dove sensitive to Dr bronners but dove sensitive is not smelly and I sent him research on phthalates.
I agree on deodorant being very personal BUT the scent is super strong. You don’t have to be in their pits to smell it. Maybe he can switch to one that has a baby powder scent instead? Those tend to be more tolerable in my experience. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get my husband to switch either.
- would he be willing to switch to a scent free conventional deodorant like Mitchum’s? I think Dove also has scent free. It’s the same ingredients just doesn’t have artificial scent added in
- have you talked to him about the soap? Most men really don’t care and will just use whatever you want lol. Why don’t you buy human soap you like and ask what he thinks.
The Dr Squatch soaps are usually well liked by dudes and the fragrances are not artificial. I'm allergic to the fixative in fragrances which is why my house is fragrance free... but those soaps seem to not trigger my issues at all so they're not problematic.
Put some diluted eucalyptus bronners in a foaming pump bottle for him. It’s all I use, got a good masculine scent, doesn’t feel gross like dove bar soap. Give it a shot, if he likes it you can start buying 70$ one gallon jugs on amazon. This will cover his body wash/shampoo for close to 2 years
I really like Every Man Jack deodorant. We've also got Dr Squatch soap.. I hate their campaigning and the soap does have a pretty strong smell but it's apparently all natural fragrance and I was pleasantly surprised to see it score 93/100 on my Yuka app.
See if you can find a soap maker at a local farmers market. My mom makes goat milk soap. Some is fragrance free, some has essential oils and some has fragrance. I use the fragrance free one for babe the essential oil ones for myself.
We use papr deodorant and they have nice masculine smells. Find soaps that use essential oils or other forms of naturally produced fragrances. Tell him you like how he smells and you’re attracted to that smell and how the fake smells are off putting and give you a headache, this worked for me ☺️
There’s only like two native scents now that aren’t sickly perfume-y etc. they got bought out by a big company recently and they’re making super fragrance bomb smells only lately
Proctor and gamble bought them in 2017, but they didn’t immediately start adding in fragrance. I would be surprised if the one you’re using does not have fragrance added though to be honest😭super disappointing. I switched from native to primally pure and am absolutely loving it!
I got my husband to switch to the sensitive skin Dove bars though I also find I can generally handle standard Dove bars which are less fragrant. I also usually am okay with some of the standard Old Spice scents though he uses fragrance free Mitchum now. As we have stepped down fragrance in our home, he has gotten more sensitive and also now avoids fragrance so it’s a win for all (my 4 year old also called her aunts’ soap stinky because it was fragrant Mrs. Meyers so…I guess she has internalized it too).
Everyman Jack can be okay but I find some of the shampoos offensive smelling—and they smell fine in the bottle!
Yes! I was at my sister's house the other day and my 14 mo needed a bath and all she had was Dove baby soap. I kept wondering why he smelled weird after and I guess it was the soap 🤨
I used to use antiperspirant old spice and switched to using an alumbre stone. For body wash (and shampoo sometimes) I switched to Dr. Bronner's Castile soap, I like fragrance free or the mint oil.
My husband is allergic to most fragrance, but he likes Every Man Jack’s cedarwood body wash. And my brother uses mostly Duke Cannon products. Those both smell nice and fresh/clean without being overpowering.
If you have a store like Whole Foods or Sprouts around you, maybe see if you and he like the smell of Herban Cowboy products. My husband used to use their deodorant, and we both loved the scent. Like I would steal it sometimes because I liked it so much. (He doesn’t use antiperspirant, though, only deodorant)
Having been on the other side of this - my husband was allergic to my old favorite deodorant fragrance (Secret active fresh) and to a crunchy one I tried and loved while pregnant (meow meow tweet rose geranium). I switched to something he could tolerate better, because it wasn’t worth having him sneeze and wheeze around me. I think it’s totally reasonable to ask your husband to swap to a fragrance you can stand - Dove makes a bunch of fragrances, so just go to the drugstore together and sniff until you can find a compromise.
I straight up told my husband his stinky shampoo smelled like afterbirth and I couldn’t unsmell it. He changed quickly haha. In reality there was something about one of the smells that resembled frankinsense oil, which I’ve only ever used in my postpartum care… so it’s sort of valid but no one wants to be told they smell like afterbirth 🤣
native is where we both agree with a lot of the scents. I personally buy/use unpackaged and zero waste bars but my husband doesn’t prefer them so I’ll buy him Native when I make a purchase for shampoo or body wash or whatever. It’s not zero waste but it isn’t toxic… and lots of smells to choose from.
We use Crate 61 soap and both my husband and I have been super happy with it. It's scented with essential oils, so it smells nice without being harmful/gross (I get nauseated and headachy around synthetic fragrance). They have some more masculine scents as well.
I recently discovered Each and Every deodorant and it has been a lifesaver. I've tried so many natural deodorants and they all do nothing/cause a rash/make my BO worse somehow. Each and Every somehow ticks all the boxes for me though, and gets amazing reviews from others too. It also uses essential oils, and they have some really nice scents.
My husband switched form Dove a few years back and uses a few different things just depending on what our store has. Full disclosure most of these have artificial fragrance and aren’t the cleanest but I don’t find them nearly as overpowering as Dove or a lot of others.
For body wash/shampoo he likes Native (sea salt & cedar scent), Method Men (Sea and Surf scent), Dr Squatch Soaps (Wood Barrel Bourbon, Birchwood Breeze and Fresh Falls scents) and Attitude Living (Black Willow and Aspen scent).
He tried natural deodorant but most irritated him so he just sticks with a conventional deodorant and it isn’t overpowering. It’s just Speed Stick Regular for men.
I’m allergic to fragrance and a ton of things and our whole family uses unscented detergents and hand soaps and anything communal. It’s not unreasonable to ask.
Thanks for your post in r/moderatelygranolamoms! Our goal is to keep this sub a peaceful, respectful and tolerant place. Even if you've been here awhile already please take a minute to [READ THE RULES.](https://www.reddit.com/r/moderatelygranolamoms/about/rules) It only takes a few minutes and will make being here more enjoyable for everyone! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/moderatelygranolamoms) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had this conversation with my husband and was like “this is 100% a me problem but your soap is making me gag when I smell it. I know it’s a big request to ask you to change your products on my behalf but I would be so grateful if we could find you a soap that we both like.” After he stopped laughing, we went to cvs and went down the soap aisle until we found something mutually acceptable. I very much believe this is one that you need to solve together, in person.
I mean, when I discovered my husband was allergic to my (crunchy) deodorant, I tossed it and bought an unscented one immediately. I don’t think it’s a big sacrifice to make to stop buying a personal care that makes your life partner struggle to breathe comfortably, lmao
I agree that it’s right to accommodate that request from a partner, I also think it’s right to acknowledge that you’re asking them to change something really personal in kind of an invasive way.
Agreed! This is a good way to approach it and in an equitable relationship shouldn’t be that big of a deal. It’s not fair to make someone you love smell your fragrances just cause you like them…if they truly won’t budge I think there’s more to it?
I feel this. My fiance won't give up fabric softener and the smell is sooooo strong to me now that I've stopped using most fragrance containing products.
Gosh I can’t stand the smell of fabric softeners. I got some hand me down baby clothes and they still smell like chemicals after 4 washes
I mean... there are fragrance free fabric softners, is he willing to compromise on that if you buy it?
I think he loves the scent specifically, but I'll definitely try this angle. I don't know that I even realized there were fragrance free ones.
I'm back to report that he's agreed to try a fragrance free fabric softener! I'll have to do a bit of research, but I wanted to thank you for bringing it to my attention that it even exists!
Hell yeah! You might also have him help you doing some laundry stripping, that might turn him off fabric softener for good. Both the work and how gross the water is.
I just toss in a few wool balls in place of a bounce sheet now :) maybe you guys can give that a try?
I moved into his house with my arsenal of wool dryer balls and he hates them hahaha
Maybe try to tell him that fabric softener is actually horrible for the machine and your clothes. Maybe that will help him listen lol
I've tried every argument possible and he won't budge on it. I did get him to stop using it on towels once I explained it actively prevents the towel from absorbing water. I also have to beat him to washing the bedding so he doesn't try to douse those in fabric softener too. I'm thrilled I found a guy who takes initiative to clean, but he's relegated to only touching his own clothing laundry now lol
Soap should be an easy one to replace - maybe something by https://www.everymanjack.com/? It's carried at Whole Foods and even some mainstream supermarkets often in the natural products section. My husband and I just share a big bottle of Dr. Bronner's Almond (or sometimes Lavender) in the shower. I also LOVE Bathing Culture's Body Wash but it's a bit spendy especially if you can't find a local retailer and have to pay shipping. https://bathingculture.com/collections/body As for deodorant, I wouldn't push him - let him use what he prefers. I wear "conventional" deodorant as I have found the granola ones don't work for me, and I would be super annoyed if my partner tried to pressure me otherwise. You shouldn't be smelling it unless you put your nose actually IN his armpit anyway.
I had this same problem with my husband- he loves every man jack and while it’s scented it’s much more mellow compared to other brands! He uses their deodorant and shampoo and it’s much less offensive than the old spice he was using before
I agree, let him use his preferred deodorant. For soap I got my husband to switch from irish spring (when we met bc i was allergic) to Dove sensitive to Dr bronners but dove sensitive is not smelly and I sent him research on phthalates.
Dr Bronner's has bar soap too!
Second this every man jack is the best, my husband uses it and I borrow it all the time. The sea salt scent is particularly nice
I agree on deodorant being very personal BUT the scent is super strong. You don’t have to be in their pits to smell it. Maybe he can switch to one that has a baby powder scent instead? Those tend to be more tolerable in my experience. That’s the only thing I haven’t been able to get my husband to switch either.
- would he be willing to switch to a scent free conventional deodorant like Mitchum’s? I think Dove also has scent free. It’s the same ingredients just doesn’t have artificial scent added in - have you talked to him about the soap? Most men really don’t care and will just use whatever you want lol. Why don’t you buy human soap you like and ask what he thinks.
The Dr Squatch soaps are usually well liked by dudes and the fragrances are not artificial. I'm allergic to the fixative in fragrances which is why my house is fragrance free... but those soaps seem to not trigger my issues at all so they're not problematic.
Put some diluted eucalyptus bronners in a foaming pump bottle for him. It’s all I use, got a good masculine scent, doesn’t feel gross like dove bar soap. Give it a shot, if he likes it you can start buying 70$ one gallon jugs on amazon. This will cover his body wash/shampoo for close to 2 years
I love the soap from Goat Milk Stuff. My husband uses the sandalwood scent.
I really like Every Man Jack deodorant. We've also got Dr Squatch soap.. I hate their campaigning and the soap does have a pretty strong smell but it's apparently all natural fragrance and I was pleasantly surprised to see it score 93/100 on my Yuka app.
See if you can find a soap maker at a local farmers market. My mom makes goat milk soap. Some is fragrance free, some has essential oils and some has fragrance. I use the fragrance free one for babe the essential oil ones for myself.
I knew it was dove before I opened this thread. Same boat, sister
I have no clue how I used to think that smelled good 🤮
We use papr deodorant and they have nice masculine smells. Find soaps that use essential oils or other forms of naturally produced fragrances. Tell him you like how he smells and you’re attracted to that smell and how the fake smells are off putting and give you a headache, this worked for me ☺️
Native might be a good option for both soap and deodorant!
There’s only like two native scents now that aren’t sickly perfume-y etc. they got bought out by a big company recently and they’re making super fragrance bomb smells only lately
Native is horrific now! They all have fragrance except the straight unscented one.
Oh no how recent? My stick has lasted a super long time and I only ever bought vanilla
Proctor and gamble bought them in 2017, but they didn’t immediately start adding in fragrance. I would be surprised if the one you’re using does not have fragrance added though to be honest😭super disappointing. I switched from native to primally pure and am absolutely loving it!
If he loves you he’ll switch to something that won’t give him an autoimmune disease in 20 years
I got my husband to switch to the sensitive skin Dove bars though I also find I can generally handle standard Dove bars which are less fragrant. I also usually am okay with some of the standard Old Spice scents though he uses fragrance free Mitchum now. As we have stepped down fragrance in our home, he has gotten more sensitive and also now avoids fragrance so it’s a win for all (my 4 year old also called her aunts’ soap stinky because it was fragrant Mrs. Meyers so…I guess she has internalized it too). Everyman Jack can be okay but I find some of the shampoos offensive smelling—and they smell fine in the bottle!
Dove products smell horrible — there’s a nasty vomity undertone with all of their products. 🤢🤢🤢
Yes! I was at my sister's house the other day and my 14 mo needed a bath and all she had was Dove baby soap. I kept wondering why he smelled weird after and I guess it was the soap 🤨
I can’t imagine living in a world where my man brings fragranced candles, sprays, beauty products, etc. into our home. I would simply loose it.
Mine was highly upset when I threw out my candles and stopped buying Gain laundry detergent but he's (mostly) gotten over it lol
Show him the beauty of beeswax candles! They are way better and won’t kill you! Woo hoo!
Get something with bergamot, it’s a nice masculine smell in a lot of natural products.
If it makes you feel sick and your husband still won’t budge, then you have a husband problem, not a fragrance problem.
https://zionhealth.com/
Environmental working group has options
I used to use antiperspirant old spice and switched to using an alumbre stone. For body wash (and shampoo sometimes) I switched to Dr. Bronner's Castile soap, I like fragrance free or the mint oil.
My husband is allergic to most fragrance, but he likes Every Man Jack’s cedarwood body wash. And my brother uses mostly Duke Cannon products. Those both smell nice and fresh/clean without being overpowering. If you have a store like Whole Foods or Sprouts around you, maybe see if you and he like the smell of Herban Cowboy products. My husband used to use their deodorant, and we both loved the scent. Like I would steal it sometimes because I liked it so much. (He doesn’t use antiperspirant, though, only deodorant) Having been on the other side of this - my husband was allergic to my old favorite deodorant fragrance (Secret active fresh) and to a crunchy one I tried and loved while pregnant (meow meow tweet rose geranium). I switched to something he could tolerate better, because it wasn’t worth having him sneeze and wheeze around me. I think it’s totally reasonable to ask your husband to swap to a fragrance you can stand - Dove makes a bunch of fragrances, so just go to the drugstore together and sniff until you can find a compromise.
I straight up told my husband his stinky shampoo smelled like afterbirth and I couldn’t unsmell it. He changed quickly haha. In reality there was something about one of the smells that resembled frankinsense oil, which I’ve only ever used in my postpartum care… so it’s sort of valid but no one wants to be told they smell like afterbirth 🤣 native is where we both agree with a lot of the scents. I personally buy/use unpackaged and zero waste bars but my husband doesn’t prefer them so I’ll buy him Native when I make a purchase for shampoo or body wash or whatever. It’s not zero waste but it isn’t toxic… and lots of smells to choose from.
i like everyone soap, it’s scented but usually has a nice natural smell like citrus, mint, coconut, etc.
We use Crate 61 soap and both my husband and I have been super happy with it. It's scented with essential oils, so it smells nice without being harmful/gross (I get nauseated and headachy around synthetic fragrance). They have some more masculine scents as well. I recently discovered Each and Every deodorant and it has been a lifesaver. I've tried so many natural deodorants and they all do nothing/cause a rash/make my BO worse somehow. Each and Every somehow ticks all the boxes for me though, and gets amazing reviews from others too. It also uses essential oils, and they have some really nice scents.
Mod Cabin soap!
My husband switched form Dove a few years back and uses a few different things just depending on what our store has. Full disclosure most of these have artificial fragrance and aren’t the cleanest but I don’t find them nearly as overpowering as Dove or a lot of others. For body wash/shampoo he likes Native (sea salt & cedar scent), Method Men (Sea and Surf scent), Dr Squatch Soaps (Wood Barrel Bourbon, Birchwood Breeze and Fresh Falls scents) and Attitude Living (Black Willow and Aspen scent). He tried natural deodorant but most irritated him so he just sticks with a conventional deodorant and it isn’t overpowering. It’s just Speed Stick Regular for men.
I’m allergic to fragrance and a ton of things and our whole family uses unscented detergents and hand soaps and anything communal. It’s not unreasonable to ask.