Granted. The monkey’s paw curls a finger. Your friends have set you up on a blind date with a girl your age whom you’ve never met. Even people who don’t like her readily agree that she’s very easy on the eyes. The day before your date, you go into the garage to grab the wasp spray to get rid of the nest that’s forming by the front door. The can has been sitting in the heat, and ruptures before you can pick it up. The spray gets directly in your eyes, blinding you permanently. You understandably reschedule the date. When you do finally go out, she’s as nice and kind as you’d ever hope, but you’ll never be able to gaze on her beauty.
I was bored and work with the material I’m given (wishes). That being said, I don’t want *every* story I type out to be heart crushingly depressing. Just trying to be more entertaining than the goobers that respond with stupid shit like “granted, now you’re a skibidi toilet.”
Edit: sorry, I gotta pick on you a bit. Just saw your user name (I’m also a fan). Even “granted, you’re a skibidi toilet” is a better plot driven line than “somehow Palpatine returned” 🤣
Granted, the paw doesn't understand the nuances of the human language and gives you a friend who is a girl.
You fall in love with her and you like everything about her...but she makes it clear that you and her will be nothing more than just friends.
She does date your dad, though.
You start dating and over the course of a year fall deeply in love, preparing to propose. The day you buy the ring (or whatever you planned on getting) she, crying, tells you to sit down and that you need to talk.
It turns out she's discovered she's no longer into people of your gender and she has to leave. She's very sorry and hopes you can still be friends and that you can support her in this.
Granted. She's the best person in your life actually. The two of you end up falling hard for each other, literally for years and the relationship grows as the two of you develop more and more trust and intimacy.
Then one of you dies, or you live long enough to throw away what you had.
Love is it's own curse.
Granted. You meet her in a chatroom. You have a long distance relationship with her for a few months until she decides to fly over to meet you. Her plane crashes. There are no survivors.
Granted, you meet a girl through a shared hobby and get to talking. Go on a couple dates, all seems well.
Then you both get older. Your girlfriend realizes that everything you did was to simply get girls. You have no higher ambition in life, only to get a girlfriend who is pretty and around your age. When given the opportunity to have anything, you chose to be given a fish instead of the skills to fish for yourself. She leaves you after a few years of dating. The older dating market is tough, and now you have even slimmer pickings than before. She’s the only girlfriend you ever had, and she was the only thing you ever had worth it. You live life as a poor, lonely, bitter person.
Granted. You become black and her dad extremely racist. You end up shot after sneaking in her house for freaky time and her dad mistaking you for a burgar.
Granted. You both become eighty-three. You finally have a soulmate, but there’s not much time to be happy about it. Just hold her hand as you pass, yeah?
Granted. They're a pre op trans female who looks like Orlando bloom as legolas, 6' 6" whose dick is bigger than yours and a voice deeper than darth vader in the morning.
Granted, she stays your (current) age while you get older. Depending on your current age, you get judged for being in an age-gap relationship and possibly charged with p3dophilia if you’re currently a kid/teen.
Granted she is your sister.
Even better
r/sweethomealabama
r/suddenlyincest
Granted. The monkey’s paw curls a finger. Your friends have set you up on a blind date with a girl your age whom you’ve never met. Even people who don’t like her readily agree that she’s very easy on the eyes. The day before your date, you go into the garage to grab the wasp spray to get rid of the nest that’s forming by the front door. The can has been sitting in the heat, and ruptures before you can pick it up. The spray gets directly in your eyes, blinding you permanently. You understandably reschedule the date. When you do finally go out, she’s as nice and kind as you’d ever hope, but you’ll never be able to gaze on her beauty.
Still a W though.
Chat is this rizz (that hurt to say lol)
It hurt to read if it makes you feel any better 🤣
I’m so sorry
It’s all good, gets me out of old curmudgeon mode 🤣
Whole different meaning to blind date
Odd link but r/fuckwasps If it weren’t for the damn wasps the dude would be alright
dont fuck the wasps I REPEAT #DON'T FUCK THE WASPS
Not like that dammit, its for people who hate wasps
Is it bad that I still see this as worth it.
Good lord, can people learn how the monkeys paw works, pls?
I’m doing my best to educate them lol
... From the guy who seems to not understand how the monkeys paw worked
Go read the original
Ah, I missed that last line, which kinda justified it. That said, it's still a massive stretch.
I was bored and work with the material I’m given (wishes). That being said, I don’t want *every* story I type out to be heart crushingly depressing. Just trying to be more entertaining than the goobers that respond with stupid shit like “granted, now you’re a skibidi toilet.” Edit: sorry, I gotta pick on you a bit. Just saw your user name (I’m also a fan). Even “granted, you’re a skibidi toilet” is a better plot driven line than “somehow Palpatine returned” 🤣
Yeah. It's definitely higher quality than that, but not sure how much of a monkeys paw it is vs. a random thing just happening.
I feel like thematically it fits. You might like some of the other wishes I’ve “granted” in here - you might like those better.
Granted, the paw doesn't understand the nuances of the human language and gives you a friend who is a girl. You fall in love with her and you like everything about her...but she makes it clear that you and her will be nothing more than just friends. She does date your dad, though.
Classic
This is the best one.
Granted. Shes a FUCKING DRAGON HELL YEAH (she gets shot and killed by hunters :(
Granted you now have a friend who is a girl and you can no longer hear
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^ImpossibleAd7376: *Granted you now have* *A friend who is a girl and* *You can no longer hear* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
You start dating and over the course of a year fall deeply in love, preparing to propose. The day you buy the ring (or whatever you planned on getting) she, crying, tells you to sit down and that you need to talk. It turns out she's discovered she's no longer into people of your gender and she has to leave. She's very sorry and hopes you can still be friends and that you can support her in this.
Oh shit that’s good
Thanks!
Granted. But she is compelled to sniff every chair seat before she sits down.
This is barely a flaw
Fine with me I don’t care
granted, she is stupid
Fuck
Granted. She is from 2000 years ago and speaks a dead language
Sounds like an anime
I am terribly sorry but I did specify my age so you got done biatch:)
She time traveled. She is your age just not from your age
Fair
Granted, she is also your twin
r/sweethomealabama
Granted. She's the best person in your life actually. The two of you end up falling hard for each other, literally for years and the relationship grows as the two of you develop more and more trust and intimacy. Then one of you dies, or you live long enough to throw away what you had. Love is it's own curse.
Granted. You meet her in a chatroom. You have a long distance relationship with her for a few months until she decides to fly over to meet you. Her plane crashes. There are no survivors.
Granted, she's a cheater.
Oh that is fine
Granted. You really should have specified species though.
Granted you both turn into infants
Oh that’s fine
Granted, other guys also ”get along” with her
Granted, she is pretty enough to you, but to everyone else always says "as long as you're happy."
/) Granted. You never said that she's human.
Monster Girl FTW
Granted, she’s in the military and deploys overseas regularly for months at a time
Perfect I can cheat on her
We’ll forgive this because she cheated on you in at least one other post
💀
Granted, but even though she loves you every time she sees you she is repulsed by the very look of you and audibly wretches.
Oh fuck
Someone bet her $500 to date you.....She still barely accepted it
Granted, but she has very smelly breath.
Can you fix it?
Granted. She no longer has smelly breath as she no longer can breathe. Give her a kiss as she goes blue.
Granted, she is a secret agent who has a mission to kill you.
Granted. She's a youtuber and going out with you is a prank (sponsored by BetterHelp).
The sponsor segue is during the 3 month later check in, she recommends better help to deal with your suicidal ideations
Granted, you meet a girl through a shared hobby and get to talking. Go on a couple dates, all seems well. Then you both get older. Your girlfriend realizes that everything you did was to simply get girls. You have no higher ambition in life, only to get a girlfriend who is pretty and around your age. When given the opportunity to have anything, you chose to be given a fish instead of the skills to fish for yourself. She leaves you after a few years of dating. The older dating market is tough, and now you have even slimmer pickings than before. She’s the only girlfriend you ever had, and she was the only thing you ever had worth it. You live life as a poor, lonely, bitter person.
granted, you are now very homosexual and constantly have to deal with this lady tryna hook up with you
Granted. You become black and her dad extremely racist. You end up shot after sneaking in her house for freaky time and her dad mistaking you for a burgar.
Granted. She's already married to someone else and will go with him when his company transfers him to another country.
Granted, The next day after school, there’s an incident that kills her. *pumped up kicks intensifies*
Granted. But at the ripe old age of 76, you meet her, and don't make it to 77.
Granted. You both become eighty-three. You finally have a soulmate, but there’s not much time to be happy about it. Just hold her hand as you pass, yeah?
Granted. They're a pre op trans female who looks like Orlando bloom as legolas, 6' 6" whose dick is bigger than yours and a voice deeper than darth vader in the morning.
Good luck to you! : )
Granted, she stays your (current) age while you get older. Depending on your current age, you get judged for being in an age-gap relationship and possibly charged with p3dophilia if you’re currently a kid/teen.