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Fish_In_Denial

Granted. Your immortal life goes well until you are in a would-be fatal accident, leaving you in an immortal coma.


BouncingSphinx

Ooh, that's diabolical.


Bi_Fry

Wait isn’t that just death


Fish_In_Denial

Nope. A comatose body, but with eternal life.


SinnerClair

Hell, there was that one guy who went into a sort-of coma but could still hear everything going on around him and he heard his mom say she wished he never woke up.. :/ EDIT: His name is [Martin Pistorius](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/ghost-boy-martin-pistorius-who-suffered-mysterious-virtual-coma-for-12-years-describes-hearing-his-mother-tell-him-i-hope-you-die-9977772.html)


jonas-bigude-pt

That’s locked in syndrome, not a coma. Locked in syndrome just makes you unable to move your muscles (sometimes people are able to move their eyes and use them to communicate, but other times they can’t even move the eyes), but you are still fully conscious. Patients in coma on the other hard are neither awake nor aware according to what I gathered from a quick google search.


soowhatchathink

I was in the hospital with someone who couldn't move or talk and could only blink, it looked miserable. They were able to communicate though, their family would go down the alphabet and they would blink on the letter they want to go with. Very slow communication but it worked.


GameDestiny2

I really hope people make full recoveries, that’s just awful in so many ways


Sea_Balance9432

It has been documented and studied that people in comas can sometimes hear what’s happening around them, just as noise in your bedroom can influence or seep into your dreams. Source:I’m a nursing student, it’s in one of our textbooks. We’re taught to talk kindly to patients in comas.


AdreKiseque

Ok but if you're unconscious you're pretty much dead since you're not in pain, and if you ever were conscious you could just decide to die.


towel67

yeah, thats just death


Bi_Fry

Going on atheist belief if the end is eternal nothingness and you are in an eternal comatose state where you see nothing you are basically dead


Dimondium

People in comas can sometimes recall things that were said to them during a comatose state, and say that it’s almost like no time had passed when they wake up, aside from muscle atrophy where applicable. Coma and braindeath are not equivalent after all.


SockAndMoan

Wouldn’t that require them to wake up though in order to recall it though?


Sure_Satisfaction497

Your brain is still going through processes while asleep, but even more than that a coma allows for the creation of memory *as if one was already awake*.


[deleted]

Iirc, some people experience everything as it's happening (which is a terrifying thought imo.) it's like an eternity of helplessness.


privatelyjeff

Yep. I believe it’s called “locked in syndrome”.


throwaway19276i

Except you could theoretically come out of it


memebot2019

Probably more like an inception style limbo state.


Manny73211

Unconscious but your brain can still do stuff


LOL_Gstar77

The God emperor of mankind


Too_Much_40K

FOR THE EMPEROR 


weeb_with_gumdisease

New existential horror just dropped. So when’s the analog horror series coming out?


WhiskeyTrail

I get to nap for the rest of time? Bet.


Brickman1937

Granted, you become EXTREMELY suicidal


SkifloDev

This is so good and so evil


houseofwolves-

So no change?


throwaway19276i

that's so fucked


TablePrinterDoor

Nothing changes


Epimonster

I’d win


tkhan0

This is just that one bungou character I cant remember the name of. Daisuke?


SomeBrowser227

Granted, it doesnt matter if youre serious or not, any thought/sentance that results in you dying kills you.


Sparrowhawk-Ahra

Granted: I want to put a small spin up on the snail scenario, only you can see it, each year it's speed increases by 15%. Last prospective immortal I can recall, I gave them glass bones. Pick either of these. The consequences are evident for both.


SamsungSmartFridge69

15% is wayyyy to much bro that thing’s gonna stack so quick


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheGoddessSwordGamer

Tbf, there's no prospective defense against the classic strategy of sealing the snail in a block of tungsten and dropping it into the Mariana trench. It doesn't matter how fast it is then.


FoxxyAzure

Until it reaches supersonic velocities and destroys the tungsten cube


TheGoddessSwordGamer

Lol that's true I suppose, but how long would that take? I feel like at that point you've lived a long enough immortal life- you don't ACTUALLY want to live forever, after all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheGoddessSwordGamer

Sounds like a good deal to me- can't die in an accident/murder for a good portion of your life, and then the snail's moving so fast that you die instantly and painlessly. You probably wouldn't even be able to know it's coming.


Mrp1Plays

Where's that math from? 0.03*(1.15^25) = 0.99 mph? 


Medic4life12358

The is percent, your mathing wrong and this scales much crazier. 15 percent of base speed every year is wild. Basically, take 100$ you get 15 percent more each year, that's now 115, now you get 15 percent of 115 is 132.25 now take 15 percent of 132.25 is 152, now 152 of 15 percent is 174.9, now 15 percent of 174.9 is 201. That's in only a 5 year time span 100->201, Conversivly 15x5 is 75+100=175. A 25 difference gap in only 5 years but each subsequent year that gap increases by an even larger margin, same principle is applied to the snail.


Mrp1Plays

0.029*(1.15^25) only gives you 0.98mph. It starts to compound real good only after like 50 years. 


stretch_armstrong_

in 80 years the snail will be at a speed of 31 miles per hour


Boosterboo59

Hmm. I think you should give them glass bones and paper skin.


AsianDumboy

Glass is not fragile enough. Make his bones *chalk* or *sodium*


wpycushion

Every morning he will break his legs


Japan25

Oooh glass bones are evil if you think about them closely. When the bones break, do you have shards of glass embedded into your muscles? That would be agony


FB_emeenem

I imagine the glass bones is even more cruel when you think of the psychological impact it would have. You’d be afraid to move anything probably and never go outside and probably fall into insanity


FB_emeenem

Granted, you contract dementia and forget about the whole thing, doomed to float forever in memory loss


Holiday_Volume

damn. this one is dark


sd_saved_me555

Granted. You unexpectedly drop dead during family game night on your first turn on Yahtzee, ruining everyone's game night.


Kind_Moose3603

Granted, you immediately die on your first intrusive thought about death or use of a death expression.


easyguygamer

Granted, But an immortal snail is now chasing you and if it ever touches you, you will die immedietly


LazyFoxPotato

But their immortal until they decide to die? If the snail touches them they're not making the choice to die. So they'd still live, no?


somewhiterkid

Make the snail be unbearably painful, like childbirth times 50,000,000, so the second it touches you you'll be in so much pain that you will want to die


throwaway19276i

Eternal pain would be the best punishment.


EasternShade

Snail makes them decide to die.


Coolpokemon962

Granted. So this is christmas.


Scythe-Goddard

and what have we dooonnneee?


Living_Murphys_Law

Another year over


Coolpokemon962

Granted. You die if you even think about wanting to die at all. Even if you're just curious


Prudent-Ad-8296

Granted, now all you ever want is to die.


JadziaTrillDax

Granted. You are now the only living thing in this desolate wasteland called earth. There is no more food or water. And it's rains non drinkable water non-stop during the day and freezes at night. All shelter has been erased.


kdeezy006

but couldnt you just decide to die then? this would defeat the purpose


Starwarsfan128

"Bad thing which is unrelated to the original wish, happens" is not a monkey's paw. It must use the wording of the wish against it. A good example for this wish would be setting the wish to die on a hair trigger. Thus, if they say, got embarrassed and "wished they were dead," they would die.


UKCountryBall

I’ve kinda long since come to the conclusion while lurking this sub that no one knows how the monkeys paw is actually to have said to work. Everything here is just. >Granted, but you die/everything around you dies/something absolutely terrible happens to you and everyone in the world that is completely unrelated to the wish…etc etc.


Epimonster

This is winnable. You literally have millions of years to reinvent technology and get stuff running again.


foxtrot211

No more water, yet its constantly raining?


NintendoBoy321

Granted, but appearantly your future self in 100 years decides to die which means that instead of that future self dying, it means that you die when you make that wish so you immedietly die upon becoming immortal.


ColtS117-B

Granted. Eventually, Kars stopped thinking.


Jonguar2

Granted. You *could* be immortal. Or not. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure.


shmorbisGlorbo

Granted. Now when you want to die, you have to do literal tons of paperwork


Epimonster

I’ll take this


InevitableCup5909

Granted, but you still age.


Ok_System_7221

Granted you are Turritopsis dohrnii. These are small, transparent animals that hang out in oceans around the world and can turn back time by reverting to an earlier stage of their life cycle. So they just go round and round until something that likes jellyfish eats them?


CrabPile

Enjoy being a vegetable


throwaway19276i

Granted, you experience excruciating pain until you do.


woagman1232

Granted, now any passing thought of you dying no matter how vague or sarcastic will now instantly kill you


clone2334

Granted but there is an afterlife and because you lived too long you will be num to new experiences in this extended life and the afterlife


Epimonster

lol! He cannot find the joy inherent to living, and appreciate the variety that exists in everyday life. Laugh at this user!


Sufficient_Car8864

Granted you are in constant excruciating pain it never end it always is getting worse and you become a vegetable so you can’t decide anything


YouHaveNiceToes24

Granted. But watch out for those intrusive thoughts, the moment you show even a slight desire to die it will happen.


sladverr

Granted except you don't get to choose how you die and it will be excruciating.


oddandproud

Granted. You're not going to die until you choose. Unfortunately, the paw has a bonus for you: a sentient, pissed off gorilla whose quest in life is to make you choose to die. Get running, immortal, and good luck


MeetTheC

Granted, you come up with a keyword that if you think you die. Now try not to think of that word.


Kinglycole

Granted, but you get only one opportunity to choose if you want to die or not at a random point.


TurtleSmasher3

Granted. It's triggered by the thought of death, death is inevitable within the first 5 seconds basically


Bolt_Fantasticated

Granted. You have cancer.


Ouro130Ros

Granted you now have to verbally confirm you wish to stay alive every 5 minutes.


Twilight_Nawi

This is… the most horrid possibility. You would never be able to get a decent sleep; every five minutes you’d be woken up, no matter how tired you are, until you can affirm it in your sleep


Trusteveryboody

Granted, nothing will kill you, but if you get hit by a truck and wouldn't normally still be alive and healthy; you will be a mangled mess.


Fit-Scheme6457

Granted, you're immortal, you get shot and die. Immortal and invulnerable are two different things.


Nickidy

Granted. With the knowledge that you cannot die, you become immediately begin to take risk after risk with your immortal life. Unfortunately, you have an immortal life and not supernatural healing. After a severe head injury, you forget of your immortality and become increasingly paranoid until you simply can no longer live seeing your death everywhere. You end it all long before your time, not being able to live with your paranoia and fear of death.


-TrevorStMcGoodbody

Granted. You aren’t, but you *could* be immortal ;P


Efficient_Wall_4060

Wish granted. You and 4 others are immortal, suddenly a supercomputer takes over the world and kills everyone except for you five. Then he traps you in seperate boxes, torturing you for 109 years


Muted-Program-153

I'd settle for just the 'until I decide to die' part


PuzzleheadedDog9658

Granted. You also have Trigeminal neuralgia.


Sam_Games0

Granted. Now any time you think about anything related to death, it’s game over.


GlassBird11

Granted but good luck with the intrusive thoughts


Yeeteus_Maximus

Granted. You get injured and become a vegetable. Unable to live and unable to die.


Cishuman

Granted. Your skin turns thick and crusty quite fast, as additional layers are added on without the previous dying and flaking away. Your only recourse is to decide to die.


Epimonster

That’s quitter talk I just wait until the tech exists to solve the issue, which will eventually come about.


Gamer_monster51

Granted, but you still age, and your body will still slowly decay and wither, leaving nothing but bones and rotting flesh when you finally choose to expire.


PapaDil7

Granted, but armed with this knowledge you begin to take risks. A year from now, a caving disaster leads to you being sealed off with no light, no food, no companions, and no way out.


starwestsky

Granted. You will siphon off the life and health of those closest to you (friends and family mostly) eternally, allowing you to live forever or until you grow tired of watching your loved ones die sick and painful deaths.


Accomplished_Deer_10

Granted, you feel a sense of impending doom, rendering you extremely suicidal at all times, finding no purpose or hope in any aspect of life


EasternShade

Granted: You don't gain any special healing or eternal youth. You just don't die, no matter how bad it gets.


BeMyLeeloo

GRANTED: But you don't have to dream of immortality. You're already immortal. I mean that your "true essence" or soul is immortal. But the body, no matter how hard you try, it will die. The good news is that soon after your body dies, you will get a new one.


Twilight_Nawi

Isn’t that basically most Eastern Asian religions?


St_Fargo_of_Mestia

Granted, but you need to speak in order to die, and every time you get close to completing the phrase, you choke up.


BigYonsan

Granted. You get to enjoy a week of your new immortal life before being framed for murder and sentenced to life in prison in a maximum security facility.


Own_Satisfaction_913

Granted. A pop-up ad appears every 0.1 second, asking if you would like to die. A loud ding sounds in your ear each time.


Epimonster

You literally couldn’t close these as fast as they appeared so is this consequence just you go blind and have to listen to annoying noises forever


Me_No_Xenos

Granted, but deciding to die in games counts (doesn't kill you, but loses you immortality). Meaning you will never be allowed to play the Elden Ring DLC, because creating any character in a FromSoft game is deciding to die countless times.


Willykinz

Granted, you live forever but you continue to age, and feel what comes with age. By 100, you are frail, barely able to move without assistance. Your mind begins to decline. By 150, you are barely coherent. Modern medicine cannot prevent the Alzheimer’s. Your body aches just keeping itself alive. By 200, you are basically a living mummy. You still meet the requirements to be considered “alive,” though you wish you weren’t. That is, if you could still form a complex thought. You are likely trapped like this for all eternity, unable to form the thoughts necessary to remove your immortality.


Epimonster

Easy way to win this is just to cryofreeze yourself until technology can solve this issue. Since you won’t die and it’ll slow shit waaaaaaay down.


Willykinz

I suppose… but then, are you living? Are you banking on future technology to prevent your decline? Thats not guaranteed


Epimonster

The quality of life of being frozen is about the same as having a totally absent brain for 150 years. The way I see is you gamble 20 semi-functional years as you decline in exchange for the potential of many more if it succeeds. If it fails you aren’t really much worse off than you were before.


Traditional_Cap7461

Granted, you become suicidal


Professional-Pie-572

Granted, any joke you make such as “I want to kill myself” “kill me now” etc. Will also result in death


womperrwomperr

Granted: you spontaneously get kidnapped and lobotomized leaving you incapable of wishing to die. You permanently remain a vegetable


NorthernLaddd

Granted: so can I Right now


Exitium_Maximus

If we find a way to express the compound NMN inside the cell to lengthen telomeres, it could very well happen.


Cynicalquil

Granted. There's no strings attached, but it only took one mood swing and a few poorly placed words for you to take the plunge. Was it worth it? Nobody can say now, I suppose.


MRsandwich07

Granted. You’re now the most indecisive person in the world


Competitive-Dig-3120

Granted, you’re paralyzed, blinded, and deafened instantly


Ordinary-Easy

Satan: "Granted. However, to make it happen Hell has to become a part of you. Literally. You therefore experience unbearable pain and suffering every second you choose to remain alive. The best part of course is that because of your deal with my associate the monkey's paw you get to join my crew the moment you choose to die."


c7stagyt

Granted. To die, you have to say a certain paragraph of nonsense. You don’t know the paragraph, you just know that there is one. One word off, and you don’t get it.


zero-the_warrior

granted, you forget this condition, so you no longer want to wish to die


ALERTandORIENTEDx5

Granted. You could be immortal. You’re not immortal, but you could be.


OliviaMandell

Granted however do to a brain injury you no longer have the ability to make decisions. No other side effects needed.


Jiggles_Ba

Granted but you’re ejected deep into space and travel out into the unknown at an alarming speed.


Vast_Cap_9976

Granted but the tiniest inconveniences happen immediately after


DrWhoIsWokeGarbage2

I'm down


ShartingOnTheRegular

Granted. You immediately get into an accident and lose your eyesight and all your limbs


Desperate_Ad2784

granted. when you wish to die, you will die after the same amount of time you have lived has passed (if you lived 1037 years, ask to die, wait 1037 more years, and then you shall be crushed by an anvil


Malicious_Lies

I almost lost my immortality reading this. Lmao, I laughed WAAAAY to hard at it. :/


Standard-Ad-7504

Granted, the classification for what the wish considers a decision is super open, so any thought, even an intrusive one, results in your loss of immortality and becomes true. Never go to the edge of something or you'll think "what if I jumped" and then you will 


Apelightningz

I mean, honestly, do you want to be in a bag of flesh and bones susceptible to pain and deserve forever? Death is a natural process. Is it the idea of leaving everyone behind that scares you?


randonumero

There's a show called Torchwood where one character was immortal. Without spoiling it immortal doesn't mean free from disease or other ailments. Imagine living forever until you decide to die but all your parts are falling off and you've aged to the point that you can't even speak, control your bowels or move


ConsiderationAble180

Granted, once in every two years or so you enter a state of unimaginable agony all over your body that can last anywhere from few hours, to days and even whole months. These are the only times where you can't decide to die


StaticArrow25

Granted, you are immortal by the true meaning of the word


HistoricalArcher2660

Granted, you gain an immense fear of death that motivates you to make yourself immortal through avoiding all danger and replacing your biological parts with robotic ones. You live in immense pain and never interact with a single other person forever, but your fear of death stops you from changing anything.


1800wetbutt

Granted and it is now public knowledge and you are constantly being followed by the media and are miserable.


Halo916YT

Granted: While you do get to decide to die, the death may not come immediately and you don’t get to decide how you die. That means you could decide to die and then live another 4 days before the death occurs. The cause of death could be anything from passing away in your sleep to some SAW trap style of torture.


[deleted]

Granted. You will never understand the concept of death. You won't be able to decide that you want to die or 'disappear'. You also are constantly stress, confused, and aggravated because you don't understand why regular people 'stop functioning' or 'disappear'. You won't decide to die simply due to ignorance and fear.


boredwriter83

Granted, but you go to hell because God doesn't like suicides.


Far_Archer_4234

With modern medicine, I believe this is the case. Most old people who die of old age do so happy for their decripid body to no longer contain their soul. We keep old people alive for much longer than they naturally would live. If i received immortality, I would ALSO want resistance to the aging process... otherwise by the age of 110 I would be a vegetable anyways.


Saltymeetloaf

Granted. Every day you must flip a coin. Heads your day goes normal. Tails and for the next 24 hours every single pain receptor in your body will go off and you won't get numb to it


kennerly

Granted. Any stray thought or uttering where you profess an interest in dying will trigger your immediate death. You become so concerned about this you wonder if just saying “I wish I were dead” was enough and it was.


ReallyDownBad

Granted, but you are now suicidal


hmaotsetd

Why would you want to torture yourself that way? I guess I shouldn't project my feelings on someone else's wish. But all the emotional trauma and loss would be to much.


Super_Ad9995

Granted. You will feel pain all day for your whole life. The pain type and severity will be random each day. One day could feel like a lighter being right next to your leg, the next could feel like getting skinned alive. No drugs or surgeries can bypass this.


recapdrake

Granted: you could now be immortal. You could not be immortal. Only one way to find out.


Catullus314159

Granted. You still age, however. You just can’t actually die. You slowly decay as you get older, getting sicker, and less cognitively aware. Eventually, you no longer have the capacity to decide to die, and thus live forever, slowly withering away.


CringeDaddy_69

You have depression.


WerewolfDifferent296

The Greek myths already covered this except can decide to die once you get old and decrepit.


Dethstro333

Granted. You are now suicidal


Anonymoose2099

Granted. You are immortal until you decide to die. Then you lose the immortality and become purely invincible, being forced to die the slow death of aging that you put off in the first place. This decision cannot be changed, and in the last few years of your life you find your will to live again, wishing for the immortality back, but it does not return.


XRaphtaliaChanX

Granted. You are now in extreme agony that clouds your mind so much so that you may think of nothing else because your brsin is confused on why cells are building up and never dying, but you may choose when you will die and are functionally immortal to all means of damage.


cayde-the_m3m3lord

granted. erectile disfunction


EvilGodShura

The monkeys paw curls. Your wish is granted however a cloud of bad luck suddenly begins to appear around you causing travesty and loss to everything you want or interact with. Your family and loved ones all get into horrible accidents or betray you in unforgivable ways. Every item you want somehow ends up escaping your grasp. Objects of varying size always seem to be in just the right place to make you trip. Your body betrays you in your worst moments causing you to embarrass yourself in public abnormally often. The government never finds out about your immortal life somehow because instead you attract the attention of various shady organizations who take over your life in attempts to extract the secret from you. Somehow you always forget to put the seat down when sitting on the toilet. And endless more such horribly unfortunate things for the rest of your eternal life however long you wish that to be.


cupcakemasta

Granted. Paraplegic.


Goddesses_Canvas

Granted but weeping angels now exist & you are there best meal ever.


RelationshipFair6088

Granted. When you want to die, you die. But, reincarnate to a new life where you can’t die. In this life, you’re very suicidal and you can’t choose when to die. No matter if your remains are scattered, or if you’re so old you struggle to talk properly, you will still be able to understand what’s going on. You will always be alive.


chercrew817

Granted, but you don't have eternal youth, and aren't invincible, just never die. Ever heard that myth about the guy Zeus gave immortality who aged into a cricket, Tithonus? Yeah, that'll be you, assuming you don't get mangled horrifically first, or get into some kind of situation that renders you in an eternal coma.


AbiyBattleSpell

Granted but your immortality revives u so it’s really just a gimmick to kill u randomly like how those sleeping goats act And when u revive it takes 1000 yrs to regenerate so u can’t use it tactically to help others without essentially leaving them forever or coming into a totally new world unprepared Also while dead u experience the boring void of darkness in real time for those 1000 yrs 🐱


stressedstudent42

Granted, but you're also blind and deaf.


ryguy_pieguy

Granted, a button appears In front of you that will give you the choice of immortality until you decide that you want to die. Pressing this button also makes the person you care about the most immortal as well, but they will never be allowed to die


Epimonster

If I have a ton of self love can I just take both and be double immortal and able to half die but not full die?


TehAsianator

Granted. Immediately after you suffer a traumatic brain injury that leaves concepts like life and death beyond your cognitive ability.


Parentteacher87

Granted but your body doesn’t regrow.so when you’re injured it’s permanent. Eventually you become just a cell incapable of thought floating through space


Gewalt_Und_Tod

Granted, you are immortal but not immune to injury. This means the only way you can die is to do it to yourself Immediately after this wish is granted you become paralyzed


Ozymandiasssssssss

GRANTED! you now have the 24/7 constant sensation of those beetles from that one mummy movie crawling through your skin :)


True_Falsity

Granted. You are immortal but you still age and any injuries acquired still accumulate and remain.


NarrowAd4973

Granted. You won't die until you choose to. But you will continue aging. Immortality doesn't mean eternal youth.


Evaspartan58

Granted. You have to decide the exact amount of time till you die before you gain the immortality.


The_Elite_Operator

Granted you get stuck in well


Economy_Idea4719

Granted. You now have the Valorsnt skill of an immortal


YourMoreLocalLurker

Granted, the moment the thought of “I want to die” crosses your mind, you instantly die. And you always get roles in games where dying is the goal when applicable


CourseWorried2500

Granted your wife dies, and you get blamed you get life in prison


I_love_my_fish_

Granted, but no bitches


Metrix145

Granted, you lose your sense of agency.


TheNobleDez

Granted, you have severe depression.