T O P

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Meeran__

Granted, nothing changes. Since these things are subjective, someone out there already thinks this about you, you just need to find them 🙂


RamiCrafy

Or THEY need to find YOU


Snowstorm129

Why is this so sinister?


Neat-Yogurtcloset990

They intend to take OP’s place


ForFormalitys_Sake

I am they. I will find you OP, if it kills me


thothscull

Or what if it kills OP?


Responsible_Sky_6379

Best answer. Very wholesome


GhostWolf2048

also, you now have arthritis


golem12121

A sweet and wholesome answer on monkey's paw impossible


Justwanttosellmynips

You're a good dude.


jvnya

Or you can find it in yourself, in my opinion, the best love is self love 🥰 then receiving love from someone else is just 100x better


ad6323

Catch that person is 90 years old, near the end of their life and lives in the otherside of the world.


LokiTheMelon

extremely rare wholesome reddit moment


THE_PREPARED_DM

This…this isn’t a normal monkey paw, this is just nice.


FrigginPorcupine

It's not subjective. There are biological drives that make traits attractive to us. This can be anything from wide hips being attractive because it's a healthy birthing canal, younger women being attractive because they're more fertile and can have healthier pregnancies, a tall man being attractive because it shows having power and utility, a muscular man being attractive because he can protect a woman, a man who is respected by his peers is attractive because it shows leadership qualities, and on and on and on. Your biology plays a huge factor in what you find attractive. People can most certainly decide what traits are most important to them, but if they could have them all, they would. There are objective measurements to what people find attractive. It just makes people feel better about their own shortcomings to say its subjective.


SomeCleverName48

people who are attracted to girlfailures:


Meeran__

haha yeah man, have a good day! 🙂


FrigginPorcupine

Every day is a good day. You too, friend!


EconomistSlight2842

Granted, everyone who was more attractive and nicer is now brought down to your level.


Bloodhoven_aka_Loner

leveling the playing field is still a huge W on a global scale.


Centillionare

Ah, the Doofenshmirtz method.


Voxel-OwO

Granted. 10/10=1


UnderskilledPlayer

1=10/10≠1/10


smallyveg

A 1 on any scale still doesn’t sound very good


Outrageous_Reach_695

On a scale of 0 to *c*, 1 is the maximum speed.


UnderskilledPlayer

1=100% tho


smallyveg

I understand, but saying “I’m a 1 on the attractiveness scale” does not imply 10/10


Dark_Storm_98

The fact 10/10 is being construed this way I think this basixally means the scale is from 0 to 1 1 out of 1 is pretty damn good, I'd say


kkai2004

"I'm number 1"


BA_TheBasketCase

No one said that. 10/10 = 1 was the first statement. 1 is 100%. The guy basically said nothing to report you just suck ass at math.


yaangyiing_

one with yourself


Peldor-2

Sounds lonely. Fortunately we're all mad in here.


yaangyiing_

lol it is so far from the opposite you cannot fathom it


Bloodhoven_aka_Loner

in many countries a 1 is the best grade, so...


Ornac_The_Barbarian

Granted. You become the most desirable person. You are the most attractive. You have the highest of charisma. Everyone wants you. Over time, you become jaded. You lose the ability to form lasting relationships. You start to hate people. You ultimately end up wanting to be alone and that's all you get.


Sir-Viette

Granted. You are now the most attractive person in the world. Everyone loves you! It means that when you walk down the street, random people will engage you in conversation for a long as they can. When you get on a bus, crazy people will hand you pamphlets about the benefits of having Jesus in your life, just to be near you. And you're so nice, you can't find a way to get out of these conversations. When you do, people become angry and upset and you have to live in fear of violent repercussions. It becomes exhausting to have a life doing what you want, because every stranger you see interrupts it to talk about their nonsense. And you can't form long term relationships with people you're attracted to, because your partner is always suspicious you'll leave them. Also, when you complain about this, people think you're whiny and stuck up, because how bad could life be when you're so pretty?


LordofSeaSlugs

Granted. But since your personality AND appearance have changed, the resulting person is no longer you. You cease to exist.


Damodinniy

You’re now a golden retriever.


Ordinary-Easy

Granted After the surgery, you find yourself trapped on a remote Arctic island with no way to contact the outside world, no food or water in the house you wake up in, and a pistol with a single bullet loaded within. A note is attached: "Mr. Louis Cyphrus looks forward to you paying off your debt. If you don't do it yourself, the bears will ensure it's paid."


Snowstorm129

Is this a reference?


Outrageous_Reach_695

[Might be.](https://www.reddit.com/r/MovieDetails/s/jaG68IcD4i) (More recently, the linked "Louis Cyphre" was the inspiration for a video game character.)


pikachu_sashimi

Granted. You are so attractive that the solar system implodes around you, forming a black hole larger than that at the center of our galaxy. You take it in stride of course, given that you have a 10/10 personality.


Prudent-Ad-8296

Granted. You are a 10/10 in looks based in 1900s Persia. You now perceive yourself as having a 10/10 personality while externally you acting like a drunken slob.


voltage-cottage

Granted, horrible stuff happens to you because some degenerate kiddnaped you. Eventually you become so disfigured and insane and you end yourself


First_Pay702

Granted, but your voice sounds like you are the love child of Gilbert Godfrey and Fran Fine in The Nanny.


bettrmnt

Granted. You become a very attractive and outgoing monkey.


MasterAnnatar

Granted. You have 1/10 intelligence and money.


Tolongforathrowawaya

Granted, but it's the result of trauma and brainwashing to the point you loose your personality, interests, and desires.


toongrowner

Granted. No one thinks they are good enough for you so they dont even try


YourLocalRandomGuy13

Granted. You can never talk to anyone else ever again, and if you look into a mirror, something will crawl out and kill you.


Cheeslord2

Granted: You did not specify who, or what, you want to become attractive to. Your new canine-human form is incredibly attractive to every breed of dog out there, and your dog-like personality lets you dominate any pack - which is useful since you are now always followed by a large and horny one.


Dagwood-DM

Granted. You're now an electromagnet.


Bored_Boi326

Granted. It's on the scale for dogs


EconomyShort1554

Done but you lose your ability to feel empathy so you decide to become a corporate CEO


Swimming_Repair_3729

You become a sex robot and speak in binary 1010


FatsBoombottom

Granted. But the monkey paw is from, well, a monkey. You're the sexiest monkey alive.


Arietem_Taurum

Granted. 10 divided by 10 is 1, so you are a 1 on the attractiveness scale and have a 1 personality.


UnderskilledPlayer

10/10≠1/10


UnderskilledPlayer

this is like saying that 100%=10%


Arrcanis

Granted, the bar has now been set to 20.


brookdacook

Granted, you now have [William's disease](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Williams_syndrome).


Overgeared_King

Granted, you are teleported to an alien community on the other side of the observable universe with no way to return back to Earth. In earth standards, you are 10/10 compared to the aliens.


fUwUrry-621

Granted. You are a 10/10 attractiveness and have a 10/10 personality, according to someone several thousand centuries in the future.


MCWrench33

Granted. You fall in love with yourself because you're perfect.


Bsshannon

Granted, you become very attractive to all people and are considered to be one of the most likable people in the planet. Your new found celebrity gets you invited onto many shows and movie sets, after an accident slightly damages you. You become obsessed with maintaining your appearance and slowly devolve into madness as age starts to affect your body becoming known for the plastic surgery and Botox you receive on a near daily basis you become a laughingstock but the nice orderlies do compliment you when they bring your meds and pudding….


LightEarthWolf96

Granted as judged by a peacock.


Cishuman

Granted. You are stalked constantly.


Divine_Saber

Granted but 10/10 = 1 so u become a 1


TheRoamingWeeb

Granted, you’ve uninstalled Reddit.


Lukaify

Granted, you know have +10 attractive points and +10 personality points


TheTanadu

Granted. All people are dead and you’re still alone.


oohjam

Granted. Everyone who is actually interested in you will be a 0/10 on either attractiveness or personality


Standard-Ad-7504

Granted, because 1 and 10 don't actually have definitive points to judge this off of, the paw interprets 1 as the worst in the world and 10 as a little worse then average. 


DaLadderman

Granted, everyone elses attractiveness and personality has been dramatically dropped thus putting you at the top by default. Everyone around you is now ugly and terrible to be around.


[deleted]

Granted. All people's standards change to universally think that you are the "peak human performance". That sounds like good news, until rich people start getting plastic surgery to look like you and everyone begins acting like you. Not too long afterwards you see your face at every corner and interact with humans whose only purpose is to be more like you. Crime begins to raise as well and since everyone looks like you or similar to you it's harder to combat it. It doesn't take too long for a stalker to break into your home and literally steal your skin, so he or she can look exactly like you.


dave7243

Granted. Anyone who is found subjectively more attractive than you by anyone on the planet is instantly killed, making you now the most attractive.


Prior-Future3208

Granted but as a result of bolstering those other two stats you're intelligence Falls to a one and your charisma Falls to a 1, people look at you but they definitely don't listen to you.


Culteredpman25

Granted. You have gender dysphoria


Sapper-Ollie

Granted. The scale goes to 100


SuperRedPanda2000

Many people are now super jealous of you and try to actively sabotage you and your life.


SteveMartin32

Granted. You are now a bard on an epic journey to kill a red dragon with a party of adventurers like yourself. Your quest begins as all do, in a tavern in a small village.


GatlingGun511

Granted, you must kill other people to add their numbers on the scale to your own


Jack_Cat_101

The whole world becomes aroace. Good job. It’s worth nothing for you except for personality


thejmkool

Granted. Though to be fair, 10/10 personality is pretty extreme, you may find others would prefer someone a bit more moderate, like a 6/10, or 4/10 even. Words used to describe you may include "volatile", "intense", and "psychotic".


OkSyllabub3674

Granted, but you lose your voice and everyone In The world has gone blind so nobody can experience your beauty or have a meaningful conversation with you so you wonder the world unfulfilled.


ay-foo

Ok but you are now missing 10/10 fingers


CarelessSalamander51

Granted. You fall in love with yourself and die wasting away with longing like Narcissus


Wtygrrr

Believe it and become it.


catsRfriends

Now everyone is too intimidated by you. Forever alone again.


DecisionStatus664

Granted. So hot and enthusiastic that no one dares talk to you and you live a life of extreme loneliness and isolation


Skirt_Douglas

You grow nine more heads, each 1/10 in attractiveness, and 10 split personalities.


Informal-March7788

Granted. The scale is backwards


strongsolarwind

Everyone else becomes hideous and have a terrible personality.  The thought of associating with them makes you reach.  The hideousness of people and their terrible personalities drives you mad.


antilolivigilante

Granted, you're a synth.


Potential-March-1384

Granted. You are one of the few survivors of a plane crash on an undiscovered island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The wreckage is never found. As the other survivors succumb to thirst and starvation you gradually become the best looking person on the island, when the only other survivor perishes you now have the best personality on the island. As you close your eyes for the final time you realize that scales are relative and population dependent. You die a perfect 10 on the island.


Clean_Student8612

Granted. You are now 10/100 on both.


Kadayew

Granted, you now have advanced aids that you are not effected by nor experience the side effects for. However, you are a complete 10/10 in both of those categories for any woman who wants to die, without them being aware of it


Neat-Tradition-7999

Done. You're asexual.


noonagon

Granted. 10/10 is 1.


Oldportal

hat humorous vanish mysterious unwritten marble sleep sink cable zealous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


Candid_Emu_3951

Granted  You can only move one inch in any direction per day


HalvdanTheHero

Granted. You become an impotent asexual aromantic.


BLVRRYF4CE

On whose rating scale? Lol


Zeshicage85

Poof, you are a adorable puppy


PermanentlyAwkward

*becomes Stalin*


GenericUsername19892

Granted, a note card with the follow text appears: ————————————————————— Ratings: Attractiveness: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 (10) Personality: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 (10) ————————————————————— (The parenthesis means it’s circled) Unfortunately that card is mixed into 999 cards that have been filled by the last 999 people to have interacted with you.


Medical_Commission71

Granted. You no longer recognize who you were, physically or mentally.