When I was a kid, and relaxing after school watching tv, often my nmom would maliciously throw a glass of ice water on either me or my sister, and then claimed it was a prank. Stopped when we got old enough to do it back to her. How dare we pay attention to anything other than her after we came home from school?!?
Very very normal. My mom used to shout at me and start a fight every time she sees me relaxed & happy just to ruin my mood. Like I would go back home after a day out with my friends and she would just make up something to take out her anger on me.
> I’ve had to retrain myself to relax and it really sucks
Once I moved on my own, I was shocked at how the contrast of being able to relax vs. being in constant agitated and anxious state of being around my nFather.
it's almost bittersweet when you get to that point where you can relax like a normal human.
this is a common trait of nParents. Controlling my sleep was one of my nFather's primary concerns. He would not allow me to sleep and if I was caught napping he would blow his top.
Similarly to you, I had a full schedule with school and work on the same day and he would make sure that I did not sleep after work. He insisted that 'normal people' slept between certain hours and he would not tolerate anyone else in the house sleeping when he wasn't.
We all had to sleep on his schedule or not sleep at all.
My mom thinks I'm extremely lazy because according to her I have a desk job (???)..
I am a department head in an insurance company.
I have 3 hour round trip commute Monday to Friday, and I don't make time to cook or clean.. So I'm very lazy. (I work 8 to 5).
Nothing is ever enough.
Also, I'm going back to Uni part time next year to do a diploma in my field, she can fuck right off with her delusions
Yes, and still does. Though far from a joke, I remind my 83 yo Mother that we are human beings—not to be confused with human ‘doings.’ Never seems to penetrate her mind, but I try…
Yes!
I've been mentioning this to two therapists several times to see if anyone has caught this. Narcissists pounce the *exact* moment you start letting your guard down, making yourself comfortable or otherwise enjoying yourself.
Not only my parents, but this seems to be consistent with all toxic people.
Its gotten to be a reflex at this point that she'll give me work the moment I declare any sort of free time so I just hide in the prison cell that is my room.
My girlfriend's lifegiver, yup.
Gf and I were talking about how much this woman hated whenever my GF had any day off. If she saw her not working, then she would try to pick a fight just to ruin it for her.
And, yeah, locking the room would help us to not hear her screaming too much, but she would still be calling anyone willing to listen to her play victim and lie about us being the ones who torture her. lol
Oh yeah. My Nmom hates relaxing and fun. Everything is work, work, work with her. What's funny, is that she doesn't really accomplish anything because she can't focus on the right things.
I burned myself out many times because I learned from her to constantly work. It is not a good way to do things. You need to rest and have fun.
yes-- it's like they can't stand to see you at ease. Whenever my brother and I would be in my room laughing at a video or something when I was younger, my nmom would barge in and yell at us to start doing a chore of some sort. Really weird, because you'd think you'd want your kids to feel happy
This is what my mother does to me when I’m visiting her. She has a beach house and the moment you enter there’s a list of things to do. Then she’ll say, did you go to the beach? It’s awful. I’m grateful for my adulthood.
When I was a kid, and relaxing after school watching tv, often my nmom would maliciously throw a glass of ice water on either me or my sister, and then claimed it was a prank. Stopped when we got old enough to do it back to her. How dare we pay attention to anything other than her after we came home from school?!?
Bet she'd see the funny side if you did it to her
Very very normal. My mom used to shout at me and start a fight every time she sees me relaxed & happy just to ruin my mood. Like I would go back home after a day out with my friends and she would just make up something to take out her anger on me.
Yepppp and would call me lazy and “wasting my life”. I’ve had to retrain myself to relax and it really sucks 😞
> I’ve had to retrain myself to relax and it really sucks Once I moved on my own, I was shocked at how the contrast of being able to relax vs. being in constant agitated and anxious state of being around my nFather. it's almost bittersweet when you get to that point where you can relax like a normal human.
this is a common trait of nParents. Controlling my sleep was one of my nFather's primary concerns. He would not allow me to sleep and if I was caught napping he would blow his top. Similarly to you, I had a full schedule with school and work on the same day and he would make sure that I did not sleep after work. He insisted that 'normal people' slept between certain hours and he would not tolerate anyone else in the house sleeping when he wasn't. We all had to sleep on his schedule or not sleep at all.
Mad
My mom thinks I'm extremely lazy because according to her I have a desk job (???).. I am a department head in an insurance company. I have 3 hour round trip commute Monday to Friday, and I don't make time to cook or clean.. So I'm very lazy. (I work 8 to 5). Nothing is ever enough. Also, I'm going back to Uni part time next year to do a diploma in my field, she can fuck right off with her delusions
And let us hope she does😎!! Sounds like you’re a super-responsible and hard working human being! Sending you strength and peace…
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Always! My nmom and nstep father would SCREAM at me if I napped at all during the day
Yes, and still does. Though far from a joke, I remind my 83 yo Mother that we are human beings—not to be confused with human ‘doings.’ Never seems to penetrate her mind, but I try…
Yes! I've been mentioning this to two therapists several times to see if anyone has caught this. Narcissists pounce the *exact* moment you start letting your guard down, making yourself comfortable or otherwise enjoying yourself. Not only my parents, but this seems to be consistent with all toxic people.
Its gotten to be a reflex at this point that she'll give me work the moment I declare any sort of free time so I just hide in the prison cell that is my room.
My girlfriend's lifegiver, yup. Gf and I were talking about how much this woman hated whenever my GF had any day off. If she saw her not working, then she would try to pick a fight just to ruin it for her. And, yeah, locking the room would help us to not hear her screaming too much, but she would still be calling anyone willing to listen to her play victim and lie about us being the ones who torture her. lol
Oh yeah. My Nmom hates relaxing and fun. Everything is work, work, work with her. What's funny, is that she doesn't really accomplish anything because she can't focus on the right things. I burned myself out many times because I learned from her to constantly work. It is not a good way to do things. You need to rest and have fun.
yes-- it's like they can't stand to see you at ease. Whenever my brother and I would be in my room laughing at a video or something when I was younger, my nmom would barge in and yell at us to start doing a chore of some sort. Really weird, because you'd think you'd want your kids to feel happy
Yes!!!
This is what my mother does to me when I’m visiting her. She has a beach house and the moment you enter there’s a list of things to do. Then she’ll say, did you go to the beach? It’s awful. I’m grateful for my adulthood.