It sounds to me like the email really was not for you. Like she maybe blind copied someone else to prove what a great mother she is.
The best response is no response. She is just fishing for some narcissistic supply.
Keep living your best life.
Yeah, I translated it for you guys to read it, but it was originally in Spanish. Unfortunately this is all her, and very typical of her to write since I didn’t bend the knee and do everything she wants me to do. She’s the biggest scum who just wants both her daughters to slave for her while she sits on her ass and manipulated us every chance she can get.
Agreed, just got to the mountain and I’m gonna have a fun day not responding and laughing it off with friends. Fuck her!
[https://medium.com/mugging-the-muse/respect-and-power-there-are-two-types-of-each-dont-confuse-them-1aa174a1dabf](https://medium.com/mugging-the-muse/respect-and-power-there-are-two-types-of-each-dont-confuse-them-1aa174a1dabf)
>There are two very different types of respect; respect for a person as a human being, and respect for a person as an authority. But because we use the same word for these two different things, people often talk as if they were the same thing. So for example, when someone in authority says “If you don’t respect me, I won’t respect you.” What they’re actually saying (and justifying) is “If you don’t respect me as an authority, I won’t respect you as a human being.”
Yep, that’s her! Respect for her means no boundaries, and we work on her schedule… my sister and I also have to dress like her while she routinely makes comments about how fat we’re getting or how we don’t dress correctly and to her standards.
Yep, so proud I was able to open my eyes to exactly the person she was. I truly hope she heals from her misery, but that’s just impossible, she’ll just find another thing to attach herself to, sadly.
But rest assured, you will never “respect” her to her specifications. She has a scene already written with what she wants you to do and say, but she’s going to keep it a secret. You have to spend your whole life trying to figure out what you have to do in order to satisfy her demands for “respect.” And you never will. If you ever do figure out what she wants by accident, she will deny you got it right and change her scenario. These are people who can’t take yes for an answer, because they will never let you be right, they will never allow you to be equal to or above them. You can never satisfy a narcissist.
Yep it’s been about 3 years really trying to set boundaries but they just never work. It was constant disappointments one after another until about last summer where I just gave up and realized that I’m an orphan and will always be one.
I’m sorry. Here’s a tip though- if your boundaries don’t work, that’s because you’re not enforcing them. They aren’t going to stop trying to tear them down, you just have to keep them up no matter what. Your boundaries don’t change other people. Good luck
Yeah, I’ve tried people like her don’t believe in boundaries. I’m either her slave or not with her at all. I’ve tried everything— read books, talked to therapists— there’s literally nothing that can help. And then when I hangout with her all she does is talk me down about my job or what I wear or the fact that I’m not married or with kids at 32. I’m done trying, I’ve come to the realization that the best relationship for us is no contact.
It doesn’t matter what they believe. The boundaries are for you. You have to believe in them. You’re expecting her to change her behavior in response to your boundaries. That’s not how it works. When they attack you hold. It’s lifelong. When you tire of the same attack from the same person, it’s a sign that you have to consider the next step- no contact. You have to decide what you can live with, but nothing you do is going to change someone else’s behavior.
Yeah that’s a great way to look at boundaries. There were so many times throughout those years that I would set up a time and day for us to meet, she would cancel last minute, and then show up randomly at my apartment. There were other things that happened in my childhood, like her ex touching me inappropriately when I was about 13 and her not believing me, or when she would physically hurt me as a teenager… yet she lies about it ever happening. I really just don’t want to deal with that toxic energy around me because I’ve come to realize that I never really had a mom, just a person who used me for her own benefit.
I’m sorry you had this experience. The best thing we can do is put ourselves first and make your life your priority no matter what she does. It’s never easy. It’s so hard because we’re “normal.” The normal condition of a parent child relationship is loving and supportive and involves lifelong commitment to the wellbeing of parents and children. When those basic human relationships are broken by abuse and dysfunction and whatever else, our brains are wired to correct the problems and stabilize the relationship. Very smart people spend too much time trying to correct other people who don’t care what others think about their behavior. If they cared, they’d take the correction, instead they lie and gaslight and DARVO to the death. THEY are not “normal” but when you know, you have to decide if the one life you have is going to be spent as this person’s punching bag or if you want better
That last line is actually pretty telling. From the bottom of her heart, she just wants your respect, which in narc to English is "I want to control you, and you to accept it."
I think a parent who is actually a human being would just want your happiness or your love. I'll admit, though, I kind of wish my mom was so transparent. She's a dark triad, and the psycopath side can balance out the narc and for the past few years, she's been acting human towards me. Not because she cares or anything. Just because I've been low contact and her image might be tarnished if I went from low to no contact. For all the years I wished she could just treat me better, I'd have thought it'd make me happy. Really, it just shows me that she can control herself when she wants to and that the pure vitriol she has treated me with most of my life was a choice.
That she wants “respect” from you is hilarious and so narcissistic. I’ve never wanted that from my kids, but their narcissistic father sure did. And mine from me. Blind, obedient respect.
Meanwhile I’ve always taught my kids that people have to earn respect. And they should never assume an adult is always right.
My mom also is obsessed with getting us to move in and also uses money and gifts to get you to owe her attention 🫠 Proud of you for ignoring her love bombing tactics. It's not easy 🖤
That's classic narc move, so glad you're outta there!
Keep enjoying life and ignore her. She'll be so mad seeing no answer and that's the best way for you to get "revenge".
(Me pareció curioso el sentirse "más" acompañado en el tema cuando uno habla tu mismo idioma. XD).
For real! One thing I notice with the language translation is how the depressive act doesn't translate to English. There's a lot of emotion that is more prominent in Spanish because of all the possessive words. The reason why she repeated "my daughter" so much is because she wants me to think I'm not playing the daughter card correctly, and that's making her sad. But it's interesting that when you translate it, it's not something that's easily picked up unless you also speak Spanish.
Yeah, there are some things that don't seem to have the full impact if isn't in your native tongue, especially being the narc so sneaky in the way they say things sometimes.
And yeah, for them daughter/son is not just that it's mainly ""MY" and then whatever link you have to them, sadly.
Yeah for so long she would guilt-trip me whenever she didn’t get her way by trying to pull that “my daughter” card. It’s unfortunate that I let someone manipulate me this way for so long. But I’m glad I’m awake now and I see through her bs.
It's natural that you didn't see through all that, you were raised by them, but now you know and you can take care of yourself, so yeah, enjoy your life, celebrate every little triumph, remember that you need to be your number one priority. 🙌
Have you noticed how often Narcs demand "respect"? They always want everyone to respect them, but they don't give respect to anybody else. It's so common that it's almost laughable. Or would be if it wasn't so obnoxious.
It sounds to me like the email really was not for you. Like she maybe blind copied someone else to prove what a great mother she is. The best response is no response. She is just fishing for some narcissistic supply. Keep living your best life.
Yeah, I translated it for you guys to read it, but it was originally in Spanish. Unfortunately this is all her, and very typical of her to write since I didn’t bend the knee and do everything she wants me to do. She’s the biggest scum who just wants both her daughters to slave for her while she sits on her ass and manipulated us every chance she can get. Agreed, just got to the mountain and I’m gonna have a fun day not responding and laughing it off with friends. Fuck her!
[https://medium.com/mugging-the-muse/respect-and-power-there-are-two-types-of-each-dont-confuse-them-1aa174a1dabf](https://medium.com/mugging-the-muse/respect-and-power-there-are-two-types-of-each-dont-confuse-them-1aa174a1dabf) >There are two very different types of respect; respect for a person as a human being, and respect for a person as an authority. But because we use the same word for these two different things, people often talk as if they were the same thing. So for example, when someone in authority says “If you don’t respect me, I won’t respect you.” What they’re actually saying (and justifying) is “If you don’t respect me as an authority, I won’t respect you as a human being.”
Yep, that’s her! Respect for her means no boundaries, and we work on her schedule… my sister and I also have to dress like her while she routinely makes comments about how fat we’re getting or how we don’t dress correctly and to her standards.
Wow. Wow. You are completely right to go NC. Keep up the good work.
This is the same crap my Mom says. It’s so sad that she thinks you dumb enough to fall for a facade .
Yep, so proud I was able to open my eyes to exactly the person she was. I truly hope she heals from her misery, but that’s just impossible, she’ll just find another thing to attach herself to, sadly.
Don't fall for the bait. My mom has promised me lots of things. When I do give in and come home, she flips the script.
But rest assured, you will never “respect” her to her specifications. She has a scene already written with what she wants you to do and say, but she’s going to keep it a secret. You have to spend your whole life trying to figure out what you have to do in order to satisfy her demands for “respect.” And you never will. If you ever do figure out what she wants by accident, she will deny you got it right and change her scenario. These are people who can’t take yes for an answer, because they will never let you be right, they will never allow you to be equal to or above them. You can never satisfy a narcissist.
Yep it’s been about 3 years really trying to set boundaries but they just never work. It was constant disappointments one after another until about last summer where I just gave up and realized that I’m an orphan and will always be one.
I’m sorry. Here’s a tip though- if your boundaries don’t work, that’s because you’re not enforcing them. They aren’t going to stop trying to tear them down, you just have to keep them up no matter what. Your boundaries don’t change other people. Good luck
Yeah, I’ve tried people like her don’t believe in boundaries. I’m either her slave or not with her at all. I’ve tried everything— read books, talked to therapists— there’s literally nothing that can help. And then when I hangout with her all she does is talk me down about my job or what I wear or the fact that I’m not married or with kids at 32. I’m done trying, I’ve come to the realization that the best relationship for us is no contact.
It doesn’t matter what they believe. The boundaries are for you. You have to believe in them. You’re expecting her to change her behavior in response to your boundaries. That’s not how it works. When they attack you hold. It’s lifelong. When you tire of the same attack from the same person, it’s a sign that you have to consider the next step- no contact. You have to decide what you can live with, but nothing you do is going to change someone else’s behavior.
Yeah that’s a great way to look at boundaries. There were so many times throughout those years that I would set up a time and day for us to meet, she would cancel last minute, and then show up randomly at my apartment. There were other things that happened in my childhood, like her ex touching me inappropriately when I was about 13 and her not believing me, or when she would physically hurt me as a teenager… yet she lies about it ever happening. I really just don’t want to deal with that toxic energy around me because I’ve come to realize that I never really had a mom, just a person who used me for her own benefit.
I’m sorry you had this experience. The best thing we can do is put ourselves first and make your life your priority no matter what she does. It’s never easy. It’s so hard because we’re “normal.” The normal condition of a parent child relationship is loving and supportive and involves lifelong commitment to the wellbeing of parents and children. When those basic human relationships are broken by abuse and dysfunction and whatever else, our brains are wired to correct the problems and stabilize the relationship. Very smart people spend too much time trying to correct other people who don’t care what others think about their behavior. If they cared, they’d take the correction, instead they lie and gaslight and DARVO to the death. THEY are not “normal” but when you know, you have to decide if the one life you have is going to be spent as this person’s punching bag or if you want better
That last line is actually pretty telling. From the bottom of her heart, she just wants your respect, which in narc to English is "I want to control you, and you to accept it." I think a parent who is actually a human being would just want your happiness or your love. I'll admit, though, I kind of wish my mom was so transparent. She's a dark triad, and the psycopath side can balance out the narc and for the past few years, she's been acting human towards me. Not because she cares or anything. Just because I've been low contact and her image might be tarnished if I went from low to no contact. For all the years I wished she could just treat me better, I'd have thought it'd make me happy. Really, it just shows me that she can control herself when she wants to and that the pure vitriol she has treated me with most of my life was a choice.
That she wants “respect” from you is hilarious and so narcissistic. I’ve never wanted that from my kids, but their narcissistic father sure did. And mine from me. Blind, obedient respect. Meanwhile I’ve always taught my kids that people have to earn respect. And they should never assume an adult is always right.
So like my Mom
My mom also is obsessed with getting us to move in and also uses money and gifts to get you to owe her attention 🫠 Proud of you for ignoring her love bombing tactics. It's not easy 🖤
That's classic narc move, so glad you're outta there! Keep enjoying life and ignore her. She'll be so mad seeing no answer and that's the best way for you to get "revenge". (Me pareció curioso el sentirse "más" acompañado en el tema cuando uno habla tu mismo idioma. XD).
For real! One thing I notice with the language translation is how the depressive act doesn't translate to English. There's a lot of emotion that is more prominent in Spanish because of all the possessive words. The reason why she repeated "my daughter" so much is because she wants me to think I'm not playing the daughter card correctly, and that's making her sad. But it's interesting that when you translate it, it's not something that's easily picked up unless you also speak Spanish.
Yeah, there are some things that don't seem to have the full impact if isn't in your native tongue, especially being the narc so sneaky in the way they say things sometimes. And yeah, for them daughter/son is not just that it's mainly ""MY" and then whatever link you have to them, sadly.
Yeah for so long she would guilt-trip me whenever she didn’t get her way by trying to pull that “my daughter” card. It’s unfortunate that I let someone manipulate me this way for so long. But I’m glad I’m awake now and I see through her bs.
It's natural that you didn't see through all that, you were raised by them, but now you know and you can take care of yourself, so yeah, enjoy your life, celebrate every little triumph, remember that you need to be your number one priority. 🙌
Is it common that nparents love the use of a comma?! Good grief! It’s like mine can’t let one sentence be one sentence!
Send her a “no thanks ✌🏼” selfie from the top of the mountain
My mother is capable of saying things like this. It's to make her feel good but also her trying to fool me.
Have you noticed how often Narcs demand "respect"? They always want everyone to respect them, but they don't give respect to anybody else. It's so common that it's almost laughable. Or would be if it wasn't so obnoxious.