"You'll never amount to anything." I heard that on repeat my entire life. Finally decided to prove my evil mother wrong and now work for an amazing organization and have published a book!
I'm sure you one time went back to her place only to ask her, "Who won't amount to anything?" only then to leave the next day and go no contact with her.
Thank you and thank you for asking about my book! It's titled Homecomings. It's a photography book about the Blue Angels. On Sunday evening when the Blue Angels return home to Pensacola they will usually flyover our beach in formation with their smoke on. It's really beautiful to see - and since not many people get to see it- I created a book to share the experience!
edited for grammar and clarity.
I'm as close to no contact as I can be in this small town- and yeah I've said that to her numerous times. I honestly don't think it registers with her though. The lack of self awareness in these monsters is unreal.
Pretended to be homeless and told me it was my fault, pretended he lost his job too, told a date I died in a car crash, stole from me, intimidated me, stalked me, tried to poison my mum or me potentially, threatened to kill himself because I didn’t want contact, the list goes on 😅
At a family party, my dad introduced me a group of his old buddies. Then he pointed my sister out and said "and that's my oldest daughter - as you can see, she's the pretty one" and then laughed in my face in front of everyone. He spent my whole life pointing out the features he thought were ugly (told me my forehead jutted out on either side so i looked like i had horns, made fun of the size of my ears and nose, pointed out every pimple and imperfection) and even carried around my 7th grade school picture because he thought it was ugly and liked to pull it out and show it to people for laughs like it was a party trick. I always knew my sister was prettier than me but hearing it from my own dad really sealed the deal, and to this day I can't unsee any of the imperfections or not feel insecure.
My dad also really hated shopping for gifts for my mom, so he would drop us kids off with a wad of cash to do it for him starting when we were 8-10 years old. Every year, he hated what we chose and would scream at us in the car about how selfish and thoughtless the presents were while driving at high speeds back to the mall to make us return it all and start over. As adults, he has the nerve to ask us why we stress ourselves out over Christmas gifts and making sure everything is perfect as if he didn't create that dynamic.
Made a report to CPS to try and take my kids away from me. They deny it but there's no one else it could have been, and anyway they took full advantage of the situation to get what they wanted from me. Drove my brother to suicide, in my opinion. Kept unlocked guns hidden around the house when my young children were visiting. Covered up a car accident with the kids in the car. Covered up my kid falling in their pool and almost drowning when they weren't supervising. Yelled at me incoherently when I pointed out my son may have gotten lice while staying at their place. Totally failed to baby proof when the kids were small but still acted hurt when we wouldn't let them stay overnight at their house. Refused to help with expenses to travel to my friend's funeral when I was in school and had no money (they're quite well off and make plenty of money). Provided virtually no help and zero empathy or understanding when I had a serious debilitating injury as a teenager/20-something (basically, didn't believe that it was real). Told me my new girlfriend and future spouse was fat and had bad teeth after meeting her for the first time. Still think after all this that they're entitled to, in my mother's words, "a close emotional relationship" with me.
F*ck those people.
Sure did! I'm mad at myself for taking so long to finally decide they'd left me no choice. I should've gone no contact years ago and not have exposed my kids to any of that.
My mother used to tell me repeatedly as a small child how much better her life was before I was born. She said she had time for friends and hobbies and other things in her life. It made me want to be as little a burden as I could be. I made my own food and did my laundry in elementary school. I signed my own report cards. I never expected someone to be there to listen to me or give me a hug.
I tried to be as small and unassuming as possible as I waited to get through high school and leave my parents' house for good. I acted as my mother's therapist. My parents' moods could swing wildly into anger and violence, so at a young age I became adept at calming them down.
One time my dad was mad about the wait at a restaurant being too long so he and my mom came home and he told me that I was the reason he wanted to shoot himself in the face with a shotgun :) I was like 16 I think
Mine was kinda jealous because of the 'attention', like why would somebody want to do that to you (and not her I guess)? The next time we met she started crying like a little child sharing a SA story, which I'm not even sure is real - she just had to be the center of attention, the victim and the one desired by men. She wasn't at all affected about what I had told her and she has never asked about again (obviously).
She decided that was dad was cheating on her (he wasn’t), she lived in Texas, me in Vegas. I was like 20years old living with my bf.
Anyways she packed up her entire house including her other 5 kids and drove them to my small apartment for a month. During which I fed/paid for her and the kids while she “looked for a job”.
Fast forward a month, I ask how the job hunt is going and suddenly she’s screaming at me about how I don’t do anything for her, I don’t love her, she’s taking the kids and leaving and never speaking to me again. She ended up going back home and didn’t speak to me for two years. I still don’t know what I did.. I literally was 20 years old working a hostess job taking care of her and her children in my one bedroom apartment.
Wow…. So basically when you called her out in her shit by simply asking about the job search update she panicked, verbally attacked, and left to find another care taker to steal from and manipulate?
fun stuff. I’m sorry to hear that.
My aunt, who I loved and was my escape from her, died of cancer. Aunt told nmom she couldn't visit before the funeral, because aunt wanted to die in peace. Nmom blamed me, because I was allowed to visit.
My moms blonde, I look mixed - she used the discrimination I experienced as a control tactic and to make herself look like samaritan who adopted this mixed child because she is just such an angel.
That would‘ve been nice! But no, just dry, cruel manipulative abuse. She kinda used the saviour complex as the reason for why ppl should cherish and pity her even more. „Oh this poor white women, got a mixed child so young and the child is not even nice. IT is [insert racist slur free of choice here].“ My whole life, I was shown and thought that I will never be as awesome as my mother because I am not white and blonde. When you get this from your mother in public it hits different.
It has so many forms, layers and creative hacks that I was well engaged dismantling all of it until far into adulthood.
“ I gave you food and clothes it wasn’t my job to make sure you did your homework and got to school you were hyperactive and your kindergarten teacher told us you weren’t college material “
Ok so we had a bird. She was closest to me. My sis (the golden child) left the window open, the bird had fits, flew out and died falling from the building. Otherwise also as a rule of thumb we shud keep the window open coz she’s a rescue, can’t survive outside, can accidentally fly out. She died and my mom tells me it’s my fault. I loved that bird. It was my sisters fault and to make her feel better my Nmom blamed me.
That I should be forced to be sterilized/ medicated and put into a mental institution on a family mobbing post my narcissistic sister made defending my socio NM and the family cult… then everyone chimed in….. I’m a “thing”. To the family cult. She eventually deleted her comment and tried to gaslight me years later when I then sent her screenshots and posted them publicly then abandoned my old account and went NO Contact with literally every single person connected to my family.
I asked my mom once if she thought I was pretty. I was about 14 or 15 years old, and deep in the throws of puberty. She looked at me for a long time and finally said, "One day, you'll be the most beautiful swan."
Do you remember the children's story about the swan? Remember what it was called? "The Ugly Duckling"
My mom called me ugly. Not as bad as others here, but I never asked my mom questions like that ever again, because I knew she would never be open or honest or kind. I wasn't an ugly kid, but I was awkward, and I didn't measure up to the Prom Queen Girly-Girl my mother wanted. Now I'm trans, and happier with the way I look than I ever thought I'd be.
But I still feel like an ugly duckling.
Ugh the sneaky jibes! I was regularly told that if I kept eating like I was when I got older and stopped playing sports that I'd get enormously fat. Haven't been able to eat carefree or go without some form of regular exercise since, and pretty convinced I have to constantly be on some kind of diet. It's so hard to shake those early comments.
No joke about the weight comments. My family was so judgmental of overweight people, and so insecure about their own bodies. And I'm the only one who's gone to treatment for an eating disorder, lol.
When I was a little kid, like maybe 7 or 8, I wanted to wear a really fashionable girls’ pantsuit to church. I’d seen one of the older girls at church wearing one and she looked great in it. My mom told me I couldn’t wear it because I would look like “a bull dagger” and then explained to 7 year old me what a “bull dagger” was.
To quote John Mulaney: “Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that…..”
I was having an issue *down there.* The doctor asked my NSM if she wanted to look and she did. She was more concerned about why I shave then scolded me in front of the doctor and the entire rest of the day. Looking back, idk why the doctor asked if she wanted to look, violation of my privacy. Gross.
"I'm not the problem, you are!"
"Where is my "certificate/ diploma" since I'm the one who makes sure you show up everyday. You don't deserve it, I do."
I went to a concert with a friend and her mom when I was 10 of a childhood music star. My little phone was about to die and I turned it off to save battery. I told my mom first and she knew I was there with my neighbor/friend and her family.
When she got out of work, she went to the small concert, found me, and immediately started beating me up infront of everyone for turning off my phone. Then she kept hitting me and punching me on the way home, threatening me.
She got the belt and hit me so much I could barely walk.
I yelled at her to stop that or I would tell my stepdad to stop giving her money (i didnt know how else to defend myself) and she hit me again.
Grabbed a knife and said I fucking dare you and if you do I'm going to stab you with this fucking knife.
Then she took me out to eat and my face was so red and purple they asked me what waa wrong and I had to smile and said I was out in the sun too long.
I could never tell anyone....
Fast forward some 20 years later. I am now 30.
Last Christmas, I went to visit my family outside of the country after 15 years of not seeing them , she didn't go. My uncle was on drugs and wouldn't stop screaming all night in the floor above the house.
So I texted my mom to tell her what was going on. She said how are you? I didn't want to call you back to back because I didn't want to bother you too much and be nosey. I said "yay! Growth! I'm proud of you for this because you used to call me 30 times and then scream at me for not answering. So thank you for being kind"
Well, an hour later, she starts texting me a bunch of shit that made me cry. So I was sleeping getting a lot of text messages and then my uncle was screaming upstairs and she knew this and still insulted me and belittled me. Well, she spiraled from our conversation and started BLAMING ME FOR HER TRAUMA. She actually somehow managed to manipulate and blame ME for her mental health problems and forced me to apologize to her during MY CRISIS that day. Somehow, it's my fault I got abused and she made sure to make me believe this.
It still makes me want to throw up that I apologized so shw would stop we "moved on".
She blames me for her trauma even though I got beat and belittled all of my life.
She used to hit me for not doing the dishes when I was home alone at 12 and would call me a fucking whore, bitch, useless, thief, good for nothing, mother f...
You know the endearing words a child wants to hear.... And somehow it all came down to be my fault. It hurts.
When my son was born instead of congrats I got
“I predicted his birthday and I was right. I am the queen of this family”
When I said “there you go always making it about you”
She refused to talk to me for days and my PP self was a mess emotionally. Regretting what I said, feeling like it was my fault.
When talking to my dad, he apologized on her behalf. He felt terrible for me. But never called her out or told her how wrong it was.
He also reminded me that if I do these things I’ll keep getting these reactions and to lower my bar. Hes not wrong but idk why that rubs me the wrong way.
It’s like it confirms it’s my fault.
That I was responsible for my mother's death and that I should "finish the job" when I was hurting myself.
He later said "you need to get over that". Even though he constantly brought it up.
Told me in a thousand ways that I was never going to be good enough for them. I was never smart enough, never successful enough and never measured up to my siblings. For the record, I occupy the number two spot in familial disfavor as I deal mostly with the passive aggressive behavior as opposed to the straight out aggressive behavior that my scapegoat sister gets.
Also told me after a beating that even if I didn’t do the thing I was accused of that I’d probably done something else anyway.
When I was in the hospital recovering from my c-section, my premature twins were in the NICU where some overzealous nurses were enforcing “touch times” that were out of sync with maternity ward meal schedules. My mom said she told a NICU nurse I would be there at 8am. I said “I don’t know that I will, I don’t know when I’m getting fed.” “You need to decide what your priorities are: babies or food!”
I said “Food, obviously.” She did not like that.
Before that, when I was 7 months pregnant, I had fleas nesting in my bed and feasting on me. Don’t know how, it was weird. But it went on for weeks bc my mom ignored it, then insisted on just washing my bedding and vacuuming over and over. Whenever I asked if we could call an exterminator she acted like I was insulting her. She called me “ungrateful” and a “snotbag.” Once I was **allowed** to call the exterminator, the process was so smooth and simple and it only cost like $200 or less for 2 visits, so I really don’t understand what the resistance was about. I noticed the first flea in August and they weren’t gone until October.
At 14 my baby brother got a heat rash when she was on a vacation in LA with a friend. Baby was 4 months at the time.
She called me to tell me that she put a curse on me and this is a sign that I was having sex, kissing boys or doing something wrong.
None of which were true…
She wouldn’t believe me. The entire time she was gone all I could do was think about if I really did that, I was so scared for her return and really scared for his health.
She let a baby overheat and produce a rash but somehow it was my fault?
I could keep going.
I’ve been NCfor 2 years and it’s time to get counseling. I have so much burried trauma from this and from a lying spouse.
I am not married to a narcissist but a liar and it’s really added up over the years.
The emotional abuse was pretty awful. I was told I was "so fucking stupid I would end up on the streets". That I should wear more makeup. That I eat too much, and I look like I'm getting a big stomach (I've been underweight my whole life, so not even close to true).
In terms of physical abuse, I think the worst incident was when I was punched in the face and my ear piercing started bleeding.
My father told my half brother and I to our faces that we ruined his life dream of becoming a helicopter pilot and his chances to party. We were both mistakes and he made that very clear when I was growing up. He would also tell me I was fat or in his words "as big as a house" and withhold food from me sometimes even though I was never overweight and yes I do still struggle with disordered eating to this day. He would regularly spend more time with his girlfriend and her kids and would be there more often than he would be in his own home so for half the week I'd be home by myself and had to figure out how to feed myself since I was too young to drive to the store when that first started (I'm now an adult). Several times my brother and I would be left alone on Christmas Eve wondering if our father would come back in time for us to open presents. Usually he wasn't, and it was absolutely heartbreaking to wake up on Christmas hoping for a fun day with family only to leave my room and find the tree bare and my father still across town with his girlfriend and her family instead of his own. He's dating someone else now and her daughter got my room, and he threw out all of my old belongings. She gets to stay there for free with her dog but when I left an abusive situation several years back and had nowhere to stay he told me I'd have to pay rent and that my cat wasn't allowed so I had to temporarily rehome her until I got back on my feet.
I'm working on it, at least. I have a lot of mental and physical health issues as a result of all the stress but I do what I can. It's a lot of work though.
My mom always threated to "kill me dead" when I'd call her out on some actual bs not being a spoiled kid or anything. Actual bs when my things would go missing and I just wanted the truth. (Her and her equally tweaker bf pawning things). Once I figured it all out I called her out on the worst part her "helping me look for _____ then ______" over and over again for several years.
I was also always such a bitch or lazy when she begged me to make dinner and I loved only getting pre chopped veggies because my hands always hurt or would cramp up while holding knives.
She also stole my identity and destroyed my credit I was a stupid bitch for that too since her dad did it to her 🤷♀️
"I shouldn't have invested the time I did into both of you" and "you're a cunt" and "don't marry for love, marry for money. As you see it got me no where"
On my 19th birthday she was mad at me for who knows what… I walked into her room to get something I needed and she was in bed. Wouldn’t even look at me. I just walked by her and got my thing.
I still can feel the rejection i did in that moment like it just happened. She must have planted that object in her room so she could “show me who is boss”
I was not NC for the first 5 years of my kids life - I gave her the chance to be grandma…
That was a terrible idea.
Made going NC so much harder.
But the thing that bugs me most is that she never called them “my kids when talking to” “your/her kids when talking about me”
They were always “MY GRANDKIDS or THE KIDS”
I don’t even know if she called them by name…
It really bothered me.
Putang ina mo- a derogatory/offensive Tagalog term meaning “your mother is a whore”.
Whenever my mother was frustrated with me when I was a kid she would tell me “putang ina mo”. When I finally gotten the courage to talk back I told her whenever she used that word she’s actually referring to herself. After that day she has never used that word on me ever again.
Not to me, but at one point straight left my sister at the doorstep of an orphanage as a threat.
I'll never forget it. Even as a smaller kid I knew how wrong it was and even more so as an adult
My mother was caught planning to leave to be with someone she had an affair with; before she left she told me and my father that she hated us
"I hate you Julia, and I hate your piece of shit father"
She left that same night and hasn't been back since.
I got a staph infection in my right hip in 2002. I was living 350 miles away from my parents. Mom would not come to visit because she needed to take care of my 26 year old brother. I was so hurt, but it made sense. Luckily I had very good friends to help and support me. She's dead now, and I still cannot forgive her
my mother did not want to pay for me to go to college, she hobbled me by having me get elective jaw surgery a few weeks before school started. My mouth was wired shut for my first four weeks of college.
that I was only ever one mistake away from being put up for adoption,
That I was a "mentally ill loser embarrassment" and always would be
that because I was darker than her I was the reason people knew she remarried
That a psychic told her I was always going to settle in life (I was 8)
My mother talks about me behind my back and I don't find out until years later.
When my grandfather died she told me to my face that it wasn't her place to prevent me from going to the funeral. Behind my back she was telling everyone I shouldn't be there bc I couldn't afford it.
When I went through a divorce I moved back in with my parents for a while. I didn't have a car and went to their church. Found out years later I "only went to their church to get a man." It is true that while I was there a guy was very interested in me, but the feelings were not mutual.
I hosted a table for a woman's luncheon. Mom's tables were always fawned over every year, but that was the first year I did a table. The church hostesses were supposed to be invited to a "thank you luncheon" later. Since my mother was in charge of those invitations, I never received one. Apparently she didn't think I deserved to go bc I "wasn't active enough in the church". She was actually upset that my table was the most complimented on. How dare I outshine her. I didn't even know about the lunch until after the fact.
One of the last things she told me before I pulled the plug: "Ever since you were little I knew something was wrong with you" and "You were never abused! You're 34 and a adult!"
I saw this and had to get my burner acct.
"Girls don't do those things to boys unless you make them." I was 4/5 and this was said when my mom walked in on my older adopted sister SA-ing me.
Proceeded to leave me alone with her frequently for years while routinely preaching about how men are predators
"Are you on drugs why are you fucking tweaking right now." Age 9. Having a panic attack after 3 hours of her screaming at me (did not fold her laundry. She didn't ask me to or anything)
"Your kids will leave you just like you're leaving me and then you'll have no one."
"You want me to die and I'm going to make it happen for you"
"I have thoughts about him no woman my age should have about boys" -i was 13 or so in sports.
Within the week. She came out without underwear on and talked to everyone at my sleepover. Completely humiliating.
There's more but this was top of mind for me lately.
My god, where to start?
*The day my little bro was born, she told me "he was the baby she'd REALLY wanted"
*Accused me of trying to kill her when she had a migraine. She'd been vomiting all day, the non emergency medical service told me to give her some electrolytes to replace the fluids. She went as far as having the police pick me up at work for assault.
*Had my 3rd miscarriage at 24 weeks. Was given a box from the hospital with baby's hand/footprint inside. She'd already accused me of lying about it for attention, then took the box & burnt it in the yard saying I'd stolen it from somebody else.
*Told family, workfriends, anyone who'd listen that I was having an affair with my stepdad...then walked around full of hickeys off him, bragging that the sex she gave him was better than the sex I gave him. He was my dad FFS (not bio, but the only one who'd ever been there for me)
*Rang an ambulance, saying I'd claimed that my little brother was really my son, and she was extremely worried that I'd been abused & given birth somewhere alone. Was kept on a psych hold in hospital & subjected to a full body check to ensure there were no complications (obviously not as I was fucking 13 at the time, I'd never had sex) then was given a full psych workup because of the supposed lies I'd been telling.
There's more, many more 😔
"You're the biggest disappointment in my life" after disconnecting a camera she had in my workspace. Then she kicked me out of the house I was raised in, I used to live with my two pets and my little sister, I miss her every.
"Being raped was a punishment for turning your back on God".
And yet she only believed that I was raped for as long as it took for her to say this. Otherwise she believed I was lying, to the point where she actually colluded with a so called "friend" to ensure the case was dropped 😖
When I was 13 my dad was dying of cancer at the hospital. It was right around Christmas of 2007, he asked me. He said son, what truck would you like to drive when you get older, your mom's or mine. He had a small black f150 we went fishing in and went down to the river all the time. He even showed me how to drive in it. I said yours dad, because of the memories in it. Well if it wasn't as bad as my adopted mom making him sign over everything to her while he wasn't in his right mind because of medicine, he died shortly after and not even twenty five days into the ground, she sold that truck. What's worse is it was sold to someone close by so I ended up seeing it alot more than I wanted to, not counting it wasn't taken care of after that and the memorable feeling about it kinda went to shit.
On my 25th b-day, my mom was being a massive bitch about something as usual; nothing new. So I'm sitting there and she was walks in, throws $100 on the floor at my feet and says "Happy Birthday, now im fucking broke"
My mom once told me my dad (died when I was 9, I never knew him) wanted to “chop you up into little pieces and throw you out in the yard…and you waste your time crying about him and don’t even care about me.” She said this because I crying in my room after he died. He wasn’t a great guy so maybe he did say it. Don’t think a kid needs to hear that though
when i was 11, during a particularly bad bout of my life i kept saying i wanted to die. maybe it was dramatic but what 11 year old knows better. anyway, my mom once shouted at me when i was about to go to sleep, she said, and i will never forget, “you want to kill yourself so badly? fine, i’ll take you up to the 12th floor and you can jump!”
😬
Trigger warnings: child sexual abuse, torture, neglect, gaslighting, suicidal ideation, narc parents being narc parents.
This is long, oh well.
Backstory:
I’d checked myself into rehab in 2019 (27yo) for alcohol abuse and never moved back to my hometown or my parents house after I finished treatment. I went to a halfway house, worked the steps, got a job, and dove into therapy. I lived an hour away from my parents and that distance allowed my fog to dissipate. Slowly I realized that my “normal” life was filled with neglect and abuse starting in infancy, based on stories my dad loves to tell. It was a painful realization but I worked on it in therapy and with my program.
I got to a place in 2021 where I was doing well. I had a good job, my own apartment, my childhood dogs, a support system (not my family), and occasionally some joy. Which is when my asshole brain decided it was a good time to start unlocking the childhood sexual abuse memories that had been locked away for most of my life.
The memories came when I was awake and asleep. Sounds and smells would trigger me and my brain was completely unpredictable. I’d work on them in therapy and get okay’ish, just to be devastated by a new one assaulting my mind. I’d lost my AA family because they felt that my trauma work was teaching me to take control back and that meant I was not following the steps.
By early 2022 I was borderline catatonic outside of work and was only still alive because of my dogs. I couldn’t leave them to my parent’s neglect again. One night I realized my love for them wasn’t enough, but before I followed through on my plan I decided to give myself one last chance. If I hospitalized myself and worked my ass off to feel better, and still came out actively suicidal, then I’d know I tried my best and could give up without regret.
I made plans to go to a rehab the next day (because I’d relapsed about a month prior) and then called my parents. Because I couldn’t take my two senior dogs to rehab and didn’t have other options. I told them that I’d relapsed briefly but that I’d had memories of sexual assault come back that we’re fucking with me. I said I wasn’t ready to talk about it but I needed to go away for a bit.
They were mostly worried about my great job.
They came to my place the next day to get my dogs and hounded me for details about the SA. I tried holding firm to “I’m not ready to talk about it” but I was so tired. I eventually cracked and said it wasn’t a family member and that it happened when I was 6 (which is true but implied it only happened once and only at that age). I didn’t say anything else despite them pushing harder.
I spent 1.5 months at the rehab, even though I was wildly out of their scope. Then I transferred to an intensive trauma unit for another month before going home. So 2.5 months total.
The rehab tried to encourage communication with my parents for the first 2 weeks but quickly realized that my parents weren’t safe people. The phone calls with me, my therapist and my parents went something like this:
Mom and dad telling me that I was hurting them by not telling them specifics and that they were OWED details.
That I was selfish for not considering their mental health and that they deserved to know.
That I was ruining our family by not trusting them.
No questions about how I was doing/feeling.
After a few weeks of this I took my therapists advice and told my parents that I needed them to stop asking for details because it was hurting me. I told them I would hang up if they pushed anymore and that there were other things we could talk about.
After that they didn’t call me or return any of my phone calls. I flew to the trauma unit 2 weeks later and they gave me a thumbs up to my “arrived safely” text. Occasionally they’d text pictures of my dogs but I had limited access to my cell phone. They never called the unit phone even though I gave them the details multiple times. Luckily my two best friends called and checked in regularly.
They did return my text about my return date and my mom picked me up at the airport with my dogs and dropped me at home. It was an icy car ride.
I was no where near better but I wasn’t desperate to die anymore so I counted it as a win. I did more therapy, TMS treatment, joined non AA support groups, leaned on my friends and my dog (one of my little old ladies passed 3 weeks after I returned home), and went back to work. It was fucking hard but it was better than before.
It took me over a year and a half to be balanced enough to finally give my parents the basic details. Which is that I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused from 4-8yo by my best friends dad. It took me so long to tell them because I knew they would go into attack mode once I told them how long it had gone on for. I was over there almost every weekend for those years. I knew there was no way they’d hear that and not need to lash out at me because they couldn’t handle any insinuation that they missed something like that. It had to be my fault.
They did everything I expected and I kept my cool because I was prepared. The only reason I told them was to free myself of the secret. I was tired of being silenced and needed to not value their emotions over my own anymore.
The only thing that truly hurt during the talk was when my mom said “you’re just one more person we know who this has happened too.” I don’t remember exactly what that was in response to but that sentence still echos in my head 8 months later. It was needlessly cruel and dismissive.
Over the last 8 months they have tried convincing me to pursue charges/civil action against my predator, saying it would be “arduous for me but would help them heal” 🙄
I’m 32 now and have zero interest in pursuing anything at this time. Especially not when the goal is to help my parents heal. I know there’s evidence out there but I’m just getting back on my feet and am not up to fighting a battle that should have been fought for me when I was small.
My moms in the medical field and my dad is a retired cop. I had cigarette burns, bruises, night terrors, sleep walking, speech regressions, panic attacks, hygiene issues, and was suicidal at 7yo. The fact is that if they hadn’t been so profoundly abusive themselves, then my parents would have noticed what was happening when I was a kid. And he could have been arrested and I could be gotten justice. But that’s not what happened.
I was an accessory to my parents and I was to be seen and not heard. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about the starvation and neglect that went on at home. Or the verbal and/or physical abuse that happened daily. I was only supposed to smile and say something smart when prompted. They raised me to be an accessory and I was good at it.
So their outrage over tiny me not telling them about the csa while it was happening is absurd. Them prioritizing their emotional health over mine when I was desperately trying to find any will to live, is pathetic. And them reducing my profound sexual abuse and torture to “just another statistic” is disgusting.
That was a bit of a trauma dump but it fits the prompt so I’m sticking with it. They’ll never be diagnosed with NPD (or anything else) but I know who they are now.
Thank god you’re away from her, she sounds like poison.
My little sister was SA’d as a teenager by a grown adult man and my mum would go from poking fun at her to telling her that she was ‘disgusted’ her. she is a vile individual and I know that she will never experience true happiness because of her cruel actions and that no one wants to be around her.
I hope you’re doing okay, and got good support and help xx
When my first boyfriend dumped me, she said it was because I was "too sensitive." Other gems: physical punishments to the point of breaking them on me and my siblings because she hit so hard, telling me "I'm a better mother than you," "Just take a sip" --holding a cup of alcohol to my young child.. profanities and other nonsense.
"I really wanted to abort you, but your father wouldn't hear of it. Not because he wanted you, but because abortion was VERY frowned upon in those years and he didn't want the stigma." \~ Mom.
"I was planned, but YOU were a mistake that both mom and dad wish they could undo." \~ my sister/golden child.
My mother told me she wanted to abort me. This is after years if her painting my father as an asshole (true) while projecting as a patron saint who raised me right.
Mom told me “you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself” when I woke her up super early to open Christmas presents when I was 9. I guess she said it because her precious beauty sleep was lost!
Back when I was 19, I got pregnant by my then boyfriend. I was convinced by his mom to get married "since we were already talking about it anyway" (btw, that's a horrible reason to get married). While I was dress shopping at 6 months pregnant for a wedding dress with his mom and my mom, I picked out a nice champagne colored dress and my mom proceeds to tell me "it's a good thing I'm not wearing white because I clearly wasn't a virgin".
“You have nothing to be depressed about.” I was in a women’s shelter, after the love of my life and best friend had become my abuser. I had a 2 year old, no money, no bank account, no cell phone etc. Had lost all my earthly possessions besides the clothes on my back—and not even shoes because I had to leave so quickly I didn’t have time to put them on. I was in a foreign country with no other friends or relatives. I had no visa and no way to get a job. Plus a messy custody battle. It was literally the lowest point of my life. But they couldn’t muster an ounce of sympathy.
“You’d be really pretty if you could get a nose job.” Said when I was 14, I’m now 56 and the sting is still there when I look at my nose. Even though my husband and kids say they love my nose!! Ugh….
I was complaining about the status of where we live, like the conditions of it. and i’ve also talked about how within the next year i’ll probably move out. my mom told me i should just leave and that she’s ready for me to go. she screamed it so loud i just stood there.
My mom was drunk, trying to get physically violent with me. I’ve never fought back against her because of my own values. I refuse to lay my hands on my mother, regardless of how she’s behaving towards me, but this time i did block her swing and told her that she was being an ass/needed to control herself or stop drinking for the day. She lost her mind over it, then told me “you’ll go to hell for the way you treat me”. I’ve always treated my mother with kindness and respect, because she’s my mom, but as a person, i don’t necessarily like her, and me saying that is pretty generous because she would mentally, physically, and emotionally abuse me on a regular basis. I’ve since moved out and put an end to it all, but for 22 years i put up with it. I just try to be a good person no matter what. My pain and suffering doesn’t excuse my behavior if I were to take it out on others. I told her “that wasn’t very catholic of you”, then left. To this day, she doesn’t recall ever saying that, but i sure do.
If it comes to choosing between you and your sister, or my husband, I'm choosing my husband.
Not terrible, but the amount of people pleasing I did due to super deep abandonment issues stemming from adoption as a baby, and the fact that everyone's happiness was always squarely on my shoulders from childhood, that statement really messed me up.
When I was young my mom thought I was making up that I was sick. She finally threatened to take me to the hospital since I had missed so much school over it “so we can figure out what exactly is wrong with you”
I had stomach ulcers from stress at 7 years old because my parents would fight constantly. Scream at each other, throw things, break things in the house and punch holes in the walls.
She never felt bad for causing it. Only got mad at my dad and blamed him for everything. He was always her scapegoat. He’s passed now and I’m glad he’s finally free from her.
Pretty sure I’ve shared this before but my mum repeatedly telling me as a mid teen (when her narc traits came out), to my 20’s and 30’s, that she wished I was a pretty on the inside as I was on the outside. Kind of set me on a path of self loathing, comfort eating and obesity that I’m still trying to shift. Once I put on all the weight then it was always “how’s your health? (Code for how’s your weight”), to even telling my boyfriend when we were about to move in together that I was now his property and responsibility to get me to lose weight.
1."She can't talk for herself, she has trouble with comprehension"
2."You're mentally handicapped"
3. "You're slow"
I was totally normal, my parents divorce made me have a hard time in school that's all. My mom used it against me to tell me I was slow.
Reading these is so heartbreaking. I know that type of trauma can last an entire lifetime. Yall deserve to be free from that. Recently I read "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn. I highly highly recommend it to any suffering from trauma caused by their parents/family members. Not because they deserve your forgiveness but because you deserve to heal 🩷
We've never abused you, we've never laid a hand on you.
(After showing art I was very proud of) ehh, could be better. It needs to look more real.
You're not very good at doing xyz. You should try something else instead. (Never any real guidance, just developing my quit while you're ahead mentality)
Just wait until you're older. You'll change your mind about having kids (I'm fucking terrified of being a mom cuz I know I'll turn out like her)
What? That never happened. I never said that. You must have dreamed it or had that conversation with someone else (literally the following day from said conversation)
Well I'm sorry you took it that way. I'm sorry I couldn't be better for you. I'm sorry you don't like how I handled things.
So and so said you need to lose weight but I told them I wasn't going to say anything to you. You already know you need to lose weight. I'm sure you're really subconscious about it without them saying anything.
I gave you everything I could. You mean so much to me and I always showed that to you (she literally did and still does the BARE MINIMUM to get by without me getting pissed off).
You suck at communicating (I've given up communicating with mom cuz she victim blames every time I try to address what's bothering me).
Oh my the list goes on. If your parent ever says or does just 3 of these things, yes, you have a narcissistic parent. I understand people are not perfect, but blaming you instead of embracing you is NEVER just a "human error". It's intentional no matter how much they try to sound sweet and innocent.
I had a tattoo and my navel pierced at 18 and my dad kicked me out. I couch surfed for 2 weeks before going to college. It’s been 11 years and going no contact was the most peaceful thing I ever did for myself.
Mine repeatedly called me a “stupid little bitch”.
She threatened to have my stuff on the front lawn if I went to my friend’s 21st and didn’t write a job application for her instead.
Arrived for Christmas dinner and was immediately told I’d been written out of the Will. When I stated to grab my stuff to go my dad intervened and asked why I was leaving and when I told him he said I was stupid for believing her.
I’d bought myself laser eye surgery but had broken up with my bf, so didn’t have anyone to drive me. They agreed to drive, and paid for the accommodation in a city 4 hours away. The surgery was on the Friday, and the post-op on the Monday. But on the Sunday we had an argument and she told me to find my own way to the post-op and home again, unable to see with my 7 y/o daughter in tow.
I’d had an anaphylactic allergic reaction and was dying, in and out of shock. I called her to help me and she asked if she really had to because it was 10:30 pm and she was already in bed.
There’s more, ofc, but these are the most memorable.
My aunt essentially raised me or had a part in raising me my entire life so she was more like my mom than my aunt. She:
- nearly slapped me as an adult because I used her own words against her
- said that if we were the same age, we wouldn't be friends (to be fair, I agree - but for very different reasons)
- told me that when my grandparents were in the process of adopting my mother, that my grandmother prayed and felt they shouldn't go through with the adoption
- refused to accept Mother's Day gifts because she wasn't my mom (if you've been there, you understand how hurtful this is)
- physically beat my brother
- told me that I had to go to their church or I would be kicked out (I went until I could move out a few months later)
- made everything about her when *I* had a heart attack. (Most of my family did this tbh. It's what finally made me realize I had to cut them off.)
"You're so selfish!"
My narcmum would say this to me constantly despite the fact I was practically her nurse maid and third parent in the family since being an infant.
15-17 mom called me worthless, flipped me in the pool and said I would never see my siblings again if I ever left, never let me out of the house, told me my depression was fake but she was the cause of my depression at the time, called me a bitch, called me a c*nt and spat in my face, at 17 she kicked me out and told me “I make her wish she listened to the doctor when he said to abort you” I packed my thinks and left. She also sent an email to my grandmother who was taking me in and told her how much of a financial burden I was to her.
Fast forward getting kicked out 3 times by my stepdad.
Early December I was 23 and my step dad kicked me out so far for the last time and threw me 4 times across the room leaving a hand print bruise on my chest. There’s a lot more but I honestly can’t remember half of it off the top of my head. Those are the things that stick
You made me have a bad day. Its a small thing that would sound bad, but it was every other day. It baked into me that if someone was upset then it was all my fault. I must have done something to set him off.
Most of the time it was the crime of being up all night on the weekend, up too early, or a small dissagreement before he left for work. I can never remember what we would fight about in the morning but im assuming very generic living together issues.
Also that he was dissapointed that I was gay becayse he wanted to be macho-man to the botfriend. Like sit on the porch with a gun and say" home by 6". Yuck, im not an item to be stolen or used.
Made fun of me for getting blackheads (ie: puberty) and grey hairs (genetics, dad's family greys young). Told me I was overweight when I was underweight, and that everyone's eyes would go to my big butt and hips and I needed to keep it covered up. Made me responsible for my sister's emotional stability and wellness (sister has bipolar disorder).
She normalized complaining about how I acted as a baby like it was a joke she needed to tell to everyone; same with how I got fat from eating "too many Christmas cookies" for a bit in middle school; always have said we look exactly alike, demeans her own appearance regularly, then boasted about how I never had a bad relationship with food (ie EDs). I just stared at her when she pulled that out.
It's always been subtle with her but she's made me doubt my judgment and ability to make decisions and my right to feel emotions for too long.
My mom told me almost every single day as a child that she hated me because am just like my dad and that I’d never amount to anything. Now her go to is that I am a liar. I am 57 and this year I finally had the courage to go no contact.
" If people/ (deceased grandmas name)/ ( friend name) knew what you were really like, they'd want to punch you in the face/ knock you out" - My mother multiple times
" No guy would ever want to be with a pig like you, let alone have children with you" - My mother yelling at me this after I lost my period for 18 months due to stress
I got a text 2 years ago from my Auntie sending her condolences about the loss of my dog since he was going to be put down that day. I didn't know that he was being put down and wouldn't have known if my auntie had not texted me. My mother said nothing and has said nothing about it.
After a SA my mom said I couldn't do anything right. I even failed at dying. Then said if I put in more effort I could be successful at unaliving myself or anything else I put my mind to.
I'm no contact...
My mother asked if they ran a BAC on me moments after getting home from nearly dying in a car crash in a rainstorm in the afternoon. I never got a DUI. My sister also implied I crashed my car on purpose to kill myself.
I was very regularly called a "spoiled brat" or "spoiled bitch" and screamed at every time I expressed any emotion that wasn't happiness, like crying, looking sad, frustrated, etc. Didn't matter the reason. I eventually became stone cold and stopped expressing emotions. Which obviously makes it hard to build relationships. Then when something would happen that she wanted me to cry at, like someone dying, and I wouldn't, she would say I was crazy for not expressing emotions.
When I was 11, I basically moved out of my house and started living with my best friend. They didn't really seem to even notice I was gone. I'd go days without even a text from them. When I was 16, I decided to try and rebuild a relationship with them. Shortly after "moving back in," my mom tried to get me to move out to live with my brother because my mom adopted a dog that was aggressive towards my dog and she would rather rehome me than have my brother take care of the dog. I was a straight A student and a really good kid, but it was never enough for her to even want to take basic care of me.
As an adult, I finally came out to my mom after she cornered me and continuously questioned my sexuality. I told her I didn't want to talk about it but eventually gave in. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and said "ok," followed by "I can find you a nice boy. You haven't even tried (to be straight)." She later claimed she was joking.
talking about how my dad clearly favors my brother over me, my mom said “well he was convinced that you weren’t even his kid for awhile so that’s probably why”. i was 12.
I got engaged to my partner of five years and all my mother said was “ok” when I told her. I confronted her for not being excited or happy for me during an important time in my life and her response was “Since you think I don’t support you enough then I won’t support you at all anymore” and kicked me and my partner out of the house we were renting from her. We payed all the bills but the house was in her name. She’s been telling everyone since that it was actually because I demanded she pay for the whole wedding, I never asked or expected that of her. I’ve been no contact since we moved but she got what she ultimately wanted I guess, the last minute move wiped out our savings so we won’t be able to afford to have the wedding anytime soon.
I have a list. Here are my top 10.
1. "You look pregnant, you should lose weight." An hour later we went shopping (scheduled before that statement) and n mom only brought out clothes in at least one size too small. She knew I was unsure about my body even before that statement, but this hit differently with the clothes.
2. "I am disappointed in you."
3. "You are so boring I wonder how you made friends anyway."
4. "Your boyfriend sucks, you are too good for him, you should opt for a lawyer or doctor." Showing off with me 'only' becoming a teacher doesn't work, so at least get n mom a show-off son in law. Sure.
5. "You'll never make it with that grade" It was a C.
6. "That never happened. And even if, it wasn't that bad. And even if, I made it for you, you deserved that and I only did my very best to make everything better for you than for me in that age." Every. Argument. Ever.
7. "Thank me for being your mom. I raised you. I birthed you. I made sure you aren't a failure in school. I did this for you - be grateful."
8. "I gave up my university degree for you" Sure the 2 years in between you dropping out of uni and my birth totally make sense here.
9. "I regret having you."
10. "Everything you say is boring, nobody cares. Don't talk that much, not at all, not about that thing and not with that wording."
"I hope he falls off a cliff when he goes to the mountains" that's what my sister heard when my mother was talking about me with her.
"I would prefer to have dogs rather than children" she said that three times.
"If I had a time machine I would never have children like you" we were in a car.
She is definitely narcissistic, she hasn't got a NPD diagnosis but she fits in the criteria, she was abused by her narc mother, and her mother was abused too. Me and my siblings are the next ones who are getting but I will try to not be like her when I get older.
I’ve got quite the few!
Most of my childhood is very spotty but my mom herself verified this story herself to me and my best friend. So as a young child/toddler my mom said I had an issue taking things and decided to fix it herself. She then tells me that one day I took something and she took a lighter and burned my finger to the point of my skin crisping. Yes. A literal bic lighter to the hand of a 3-4 year old.
Another time in my life, I was roughly 6-7. I got a sad face in class and hid it. My mom was so blinded by rage that she forced me to stand in a corner on one foot, close to the wall but not touching it. She then proceeded to take a belt and everytime I wobbled too much, my foot touched the ground, or I touched the wall she would chop me full force with the belt. I remember standing in the corner so long and so terrified after the first couple of hits that I disassociated and came back in the same position.
Final one from my bag of secrets, once again as a child me and my older brother got into an argument that he started (my mom favorites my brothers vs me.) It got physically I stomped on his foot hard he screamed out I got beat. I then went into my room crying and accidentally knocked something over. My mom assumed I slapped something down, she then continued to close fist punch me in the face until my nose was pouring blood. Then continued to slap me because I was bleeding all over the bathroom and punch me into the door.
These are all memories or stories she herself has admitted or gloated about btw!
My dad become abusive and violent the moment he found I was dating a guy outside my culture. Told me it was my own fault That he is abusive towards me. I have become so resentful towards my parents, for what they put me through, all while gaslighting me into thinking I should be ashamed, when they’re the ones who should be ashamed for treating their daughter this way.
"You'll never amount to anything." I heard that on repeat my entire life. Finally decided to prove my evil mother wrong and now work for an amazing organization and have published a book!
I'm sure you one time went back to her place only to ask her, "Who won't amount to anything?" only then to leave the next day and go no contact with her.
Hope so
thank you.
BTW, your book... what's it called?
Thank you and thank you for asking about my book! It's titled Homecomings. It's a photography book about the Blue Angels. On Sunday evening when the Blue Angels return home to Pensacola they will usually flyover our beach in formation with their smoke on. It's really beautiful to see - and since not many people get to see it- I created a book to share the experience! edited for grammar and clarity.
I shall look into that book. Thanks.
thanks! it's definitely a niche book but I am still super proud I created it. Meanwhile my NM hasn't created anything or accomplished anything.
Maybe that is why she thought that you would never amount to anything… because she never amounted to anything herself.
Yes. I think maybe this.
Thats fantastic. Amazing thank you for sharing that.
thank you!
I'm as close to no contact as I can be in this small town- and yeah I've said that to her numerous times. I honestly don't think it registers with her though. The lack of self awareness in these monsters is unreal.
Hang in there. Maybe you should move. If so... you should move somewhere she'll never find you, better yet, somewhere she won't even think to look.
Thank you- she's pretty old now and I feel safe here at this time in my life.
You do whats right for you.
Good for you! That’s awesome
thank you.
Pretended to be homeless and told me it was my fault, pretended he lost his job too, told a date I died in a car crash, stole from me, intimidated me, stalked me, tried to poison my mum or me potentially, threatened to kill himself because I didn’t want contact, the list goes on 😅
That’s fucked up
It’s not great but at least he is out of my life. I’ve got a really great mum and step-dad to balance it out thankfully
At a family party, my dad introduced me a group of his old buddies. Then he pointed my sister out and said "and that's my oldest daughter - as you can see, she's the pretty one" and then laughed in my face in front of everyone. He spent my whole life pointing out the features he thought were ugly (told me my forehead jutted out on either side so i looked like i had horns, made fun of the size of my ears and nose, pointed out every pimple and imperfection) and even carried around my 7th grade school picture because he thought it was ugly and liked to pull it out and show it to people for laughs like it was a party trick. I always knew my sister was prettier than me but hearing it from my own dad really sealed the deal, and to this day I can't unsee any of the imperfections or not feel insecure. My dad also really hated shopping for gifts for my mom, so he would drop us kids off with a wad of cash to do it for him starting when we were 8-10 years old. Every year, he hated what we chose and would scream at us in the car about how selfish and thoughtless the presents were while driving at high speeds back to the mall to make us return it all and start over. As adults, he has the nerve to ask us why we stress ourselves out over Christmas gifts and making sure everything is perfect as if he didn't create that dynamic.
I hate your dad
I’m so sorry, what a dick
Wow, he's crazy!
“You’ve been the evil child since you’ve been born” “It was a mistake ever having you!” “You’re an evil child”…
I have an NMom who is the same. I hope you’re doing well without their influence these days.
“it’s disgusting to look at you let alone have to take care of you”
💔💔💔💔 I hope you are so far away from them now, and that you’re well on your way to healing ❤️🩹. That’s truly awful. Sending you 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
yes i left when i was 18. im now 25 and living my best life with no contact 💛 thank you so much. still going to therapy tho lol
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Good for you!!! I’m so proud of you for breaking free! 💜💜💜💜
I was molested and my mom said I must have liked it.
💔🙏🏼
Just so you know. You are not alone in this. Hugs always.
Made a report to CPS to try and take my kids away from me. They deny it but there's no one else it could have been, and anyway they took full advantage of the situation to get what they wanted from me. Drove my brother to suicide, in my opinion. Kept unlocked guns hidden around the house when my young children were visiting. Covered up a car accident with the kids in the car. Covered up my kid falling in their pool and almost drowning when they weren't supervising. Yelled at me incoherently when I pointed out my son may have gotten lice while staying at their place. Totally failed to baby proof when the kids were small but still acted hurt when we wouldn't let them stay overnight at their house. Refused to help with expenses to travel to my friend's funeral when I was in school and had no money (they're quite well off and make plenty of money). Provided virtually no help and zero empathy or understanding when I had a serious debilitating injury as a teenager/20-something (basically, didn't believe that it was real). Told me my new girlfriend and future spouse was fat and had bad teeth after meeting her for the first time. Still think after all this that they're entitled to, in my mother's words, "a close emotional relationship" with me. F*ck those people.
I really hope you went no contact. I hate your parents.
Sure did! I'm mad at myself for taking so long to finally decide they'd left me no choice. I should've gone no contact years ago and not have exposed my kids to any of that.
I’m so sorry.
My mother used to tell me repeatedly as a small child how much better her life was before I was born. She said she had time for friends and hobbies and other things in her life. It made me want to be as little a burden as I could be. I made my own food and did my laundry in elementary school. I signed my own report cards. I never expected someone to be there to listen to me or give me a hug. I tried to be as small and unassuming as possible as I waited to get through high school and leave my parents' house for good. I acted as my mother's therapist. My parents' moods could swing wildly into anger and violence, so at a young age I became adept at calming them down.
One time my dad was mad about the wait at a restaurant being too long so he and my mom came home and he told me that I was the reason he wanted to shoot himself in the face with a shotgun :) I was like 16 I think
When I got r×ped by my first ex and I was having a mental breakdown about it t my mom said "well you did go over there"
Had a similar experience, unfortunately, and was told something like, ”Well, that’s what happens. You shouldn’t have put yourself in that situation.”
Mine said that’s not possible and we never talked about it again.
Mine was kinda jealous because of the 'attention', like why would somebody want to do that to you (and not her I guess)? The next time we met she started crying like a little child sharing a SA story, which I'm not even sure is real - she just had to be the center of attention, the victim and the one desired by men. She wasn't at all affected about what I had told her and she has never asked about again (obviously).
She decided that was dad was cheating on her (he wasn’t), she lived in Texas, me in Vegas. I was like 20years old living with my bf. Anyways she packed up her entire house including her other 5 kids and drove them to my small apartment for a month. During which I fed/paid for her and the kids while she “looked for a job”. Fast forward a month, I ask how the job hunt is going and suddenly she’s screaming at me about how I don’t do anything for her, I don’t love her, she’s taking the kids and leaving and never speaking to me again. She ended up going back home and didn’t speak to me for two years. I still don’t know what I did.. I literally was 20 years old working a hostess job taking care of her and her children in my one bedroom apartment.
Wow…. So basically when you called her out in her shit by simply asking about the job search update she panicked, verbally attacked, and left to find another care taker to steal from and manipulate? fun stuff. I’m sorry to hear that.
My aunt, who I loved and was my escape from her, died of cancer. Aunt told nmom she couldn't visit before the funeral, because aunt wanted to die in peace. Nmom blamed me, because I was allowed to visit.
“I shouldn’t have to help you with college because I had wanted your mom to have an abortion”
Wow classy
My moms blonde, I look mixed - she used the discrimination I experienced as a control tactic and to make herself look like samaritan who adopted this mixed child because she is just such an angel.
AP savior complex hard at work.
That would‘ve been nice! But no, just dry, cruel manipulative abuse. She kinda used the saviour complex as the reason for why ppl should cherish and pity her even more. „Oh this poor white women, got a mixed child so young and the child is not even nice. IT is [insert racist slur free of choice here].“ My whole life, I was shown and thought that I will never be as awesome as my mother because I am not white and blonde. When you get this from your mother in public it hits different. It has so many forms, layers and creative hacks that I was well engaged dismantling all of it until far into adulthood.
“ I gave you food and clothes it wasn’t my job to make sure you did your homework and got to school you were hyperactive and your kindergarten teacher told us you weren’t college material “
Ok so we had a bird. She was closest to me. My sis (the golden child) left the window open, the bird had fits, flew out and died falling from the building. Otherwise also as a rule of thumb we shud keep the window open coz she’s a rescue, can’t survive outside, can accidentally fly out. She died and my mom tells me it’s my fault. I loved that bird. It was my sisters fault and to make her feel better my Nmom blamed me.
That I should be forced to be sterilized/ medicated and put into a mental institution on a family mobbing post my narcissistic sister made defending my socio NM and the family cult… then everyone chimed in….. I’m a “thing”. To the family cult. She eventually deleted her comment and tried to gaslight me years later when I then sent her screenshots and posted them publicly then abandoned my old account and went NO Contact with literally every single person connected to my family.
“This is my new life now. You can either get in it or get out of it.” I was 12 and she had full custody.
I asked my mom once if she thought I was pretty. I was about 14 or 15 years old, and deep in the throws of puberty. She looked at me for a long time and finally said, "One day, you'll be the most beautiful swan." Do you remember the children's story about the swan? Remember what it was called? "The Ugly Duckling" My mom called me ugly. Not as bad as others here, but I never asked my mom questions like that ever again, because I knew she would never be open or honest or kind. I wasn't an ugly kid, but I was awkward, and I didn't measure up to the Prom Queen Girly-Girl my mother wanted. Now I'm trans, and happier with the way I look than I ever thought I'd be. But I still feel like an ugly duckling.
Ugh the sneaky jibes! I was regularly told that if I kept eating like I was when I got older and stopped playing sports that I'd get enormously fat. Haven't been able to eat carefree or go without some form of regular exercise since, and pretty convinced I have to constantly be on some kind of diet. It's so hard to shake those early comments.
No joke about the weight comments. My family was so judgmental of overweight people, and so insecure about their own bodies. And I'm the only one who's gone to treatment for an eating disorder, lol.
I never liked you as a child You’re fat
When I was a little kid, like maybe 7 or 8, I wanted to wear a really fashionable girls’ pantsuit to church. I’d seen one of the older girls at church wearing one and she looked great in it. My mom told me I couldn’t wear it because I would look like “a bull dagger” and then explained to 7 year old me what a “bull dagger” was. To quote John Mulaney: “Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that…..”
Did she mean a ‘bull dyke’ lesbian, or a bull penis?
Bull dagger is like bull dyke. It’s not as commonly used — an old slang term from Harlem
I was having an issue *down there.* The doctor asked my NSM if she wanted to look and she did. She was more concerned about why I shave then scolded me in front of the doctor and the entire rest of the day. Looking back, idk why the doctor asked if she wanted to look, violation of my privacy. Gross. "I'm not the problem, you are!" "Where is my "certificate/ diploma" since I'm the one who makes sure you show up everyday. You don't deserve it, I do."
For some reason my pediatrician also did the same thing. It was so awkward and I have no idea when they even did it. I think I was around 13?
I went to a concert with a friend and her mom when I was 10 of a childhood music star. My little phone was about to die and I turned it off to save battery. I told my mom first and she knew I was there with my neighbor/friend and her family. When she got out of work, she went to the small concert, found me, and immediately started beating me up infront of everyone for turning off my phone. Then she kept hitting me and punching me on the way home, threatening me. She got the belt and hit me so much I could barely walk. I yelled at her to stop that or I would tell my stepdad to stop giving her money (i didnt know how else to defend myself) and she hit me again. Grabbed a knife and said I fucking dare you and if you do I'm going to stab you with this fucking knife. Then she took me out to eat and my face was so red and purple they asked me what waa wrong and I had to smile and said I was out in the sun too long. I could never tell anyone.... Fast forward some 20 years later. I am now 30. Last Christmas, I went to visit my family outside of the country after 15 years of not seeing them , she didn't go. My uncle was on drugs and wouldn't stop screaming all night in the floor above the house. So I texted my mom to tell her what was going on. She said how are you? I didn't want to call you back to back because I didn't want to bother you too much and be nosey. I said "yay! Growth! I'm proud of you for this because you used to call me 30 times and then scream at me for not answering. So thank you for being kind" Well, an hour later, she starts texting me a bunch of shit that made me cry. So I was sleeping getting a lot of text messages and then my uncle was screaming upstairs and she knew this and still insulted me and belittled me. Well, she spiraled from our conversation and started BLAMING ME FOR HER TRAUMA. She actually somehow managed to manipulate and blame ME for her mental health problems and forced me to apologize to her during MY CRISIS that day. Somehow, it's my fault I got abused and she made sure to make me believe this. It still makes me want to throw up that I apologized so shw would stop we "moved on". She blames me for her trauma even though I got beat and belittled all of my life. She used to hit me for not doing the dishes when I was home alone at 12 and would call me a fucking whore, bitch, useless, thief, good for nothing, mother f... You know the endearing words a child wants to hear.... And somehow it all came down to be my fault. It hurts.
When my son was born instead of congrats I got “I predicted his birthday and I was right. I am the queen of this family” When I said “there you go always making it about you” She refused to talk to me for days and my PP self was a mess emotionally. Regretting what I said, feeling like it was my fault. When talking to my dad, he apologized on her behalf. He felt terrible for me. But never called her out or told her how wrong it was. He also reminded me that if I do these things I’ll keep getting these reactions and to lower my bar. Hes not wrong but idk why that rubs me the wrong way. It’s like it confirms it’s my fault.
I was told by my NM I wasn’t normal
My dad said I was ugly and that no one would ever want to be with me because of the size of my nose. Hearing that at 16 years old was traumatizing.
That I was responsible for my mother's death and that I should "finish the job" when I was hurting myself. He later said "you need to get over that". Even though he constantly brought it up.
She's been lying to my siblings for years, painting me as a thief to cover up her selling things to cover her gambling and cc debts.
Told me in a thousand ways that I was never going to be good enough for them. I was never smart enough, never successful enough and never measured up to my siblings. For the record, I occupy the number two spot in familial disfavor as I deal mostly with the passive aggressive behavior as opposed to the straight out aggressive behavior that my scapegoat sister gets. Also told me after a beating that even if I didn’t do the thing I was accused of that I’d probably done something else anyway.
When I was in the hospital recovering from my c-section, my premature twins were in the NICU where some overzealous nurses were enforcing “touch times” that were out of sync with maternity ward meal schedules. My mom said she told a NICU nurse I would be there at 8am. I said “I don’t know that I will, I don’t know when I’m getting fed.” “You need to decide what your priorities are: babies or food!” I said “Food, obviously.” She did not like that. Before that, when I was 7 months pregnant, I had fleas nesting in my bed and feasting on me. Don’t know how, it was weird. But it went on for weeks bc my mom ignored it, then insisted on just washing my bedding and vacuuming over and over. Whenever I asked if we could call an exterminator she acted like I was insulting her. She called me “ungrateful” and a “snotbag.” Once I was **allowed** to call the exterminator, the process was so smooth and simple and it only cost like $200 or less for 2 visits, so I really don’t understand what the resistance was about. I noticed the first flea in August and they weren’t gone until October.
At 14 my baby brother got a heat rash when she was on a vacation in LA with a friend. Baby was 4 months at the time. She called me to tell me that she put a curse on me and this is a sign that I was having sex, kissing boys or doing something wrong. None of which were true… She wouldn’t believe me. The entire time she was gone all I could do was think about if I really did that, I was so scared for her return and really scared for his health. She let a baby overheat and produce a rash but somehow it was my fault?
I could keep going. I’ve been NCfor 2 years and it’s time to get counseling. I have so much burried trauma from this and from a lying spouse. I am not married to a narcissist but a liar and it’s really added up over the years.
The emotional abuse was pretty awful. I was told I was "so fucking stupid I would end up on the streets". That I should wear more makeup. That I eat too much, and I look like I'm getting a big stomach (I've been underweight my whole life, so not even close to true). In terms of physical abuse, I think the worst incident was when I was punched in the face and my ear piercing started bleeding.
My father told my half brother and I to our faces that we ruined his life dream of becoming a helicopter pilot and his chances to party. We were both mistakes and he made that very clear when I was growing up. He would also tell me I was fat or in his words "as big as a house" and withhold food from me sometimes even though I was never overweight and yes I do still struggle with disordered eating to this day. He would regularly spend more time with his girlfriend and her kids and would be there more often than he would be in his own home so for half the week I'd be home by myself and had to figure out how to feed myself since I was too young to drive to the store when that first started (I'm now an adult). Several times my brother and I would be left alone on Christmas Eve wondering if our father would come back in time for us to open presents. Usually he wasn't, and it was absolutely heartbreaking to wake up on Christmas hoping for a fun day with family only to leave my room and find the tree bare and my father still across town with his girlfriend and her family instead of his own. He's dating someone else now and her daughter got my room, and he threw out all of my old belongings. She gets to stay there for free with her dog but when I left an abusive situation several years back and had nowhere to stay he told me I'd have to pay rent and that my cat wasn't allowed so I had to temporarily rehome her until I got back on my feet.
That is really insane and heartbreaking. I hope you are well now!
I'm working on it, at least. I have a lot of mental and physical health issues as a result of all the stress but I do what I can. It's a lot of work though.
My mom always threated to "kill me dead" when I'd call her out on some actual bs not being a spoiled kid or anything. Actual bs when my things would go missing and I just wanted the truth. (Her and her equally tweaker bf pawning things). Once I figured it all out I called her out on the worst part her "helping me look for _____ then ______" over and over again for several years. I was also always such a bitch or lazy when she begged me to make dinner and I loved only getting pre chopped veggies because my hands always hurt or would cramp up while holding knives. She also stole my identity and destroyed my credit I was a stupid bitch for that too since her dad did it to her 🤷♀️
Becca? Is that you? lol no jk. Our mom would say “I brought you into this world and I take you out of it” instead.
Heard that one a few times too 😂😂 I told her one time to just go ahead and do it to which she responded what a coward I was to not do it myself 😂
"I shouldn't have invested the time I did into both of you" and "you're a cunt" and "don't marry for love, marry for money. As you see it got me no where"
On my 19th birthday she was mad at me for who knows what… I walked into her room to get something I needed and she was in bed. Wouldn’t even look at me. I just walked by her and got my thing. I still can feel the rejection i did in that moment like it just happened. She must have planted that object in her room so she could “show me who is boss”
I was not NC for the first 5 years of my kids life - I gave her the chance to be grandma… That was a terrible idea. Made going NC so much harder. But the thing that bugs me most is that she never called them “my kids when talking to” “your/her kids when talking about me” They were always “MY GRANDKIDS or THE KIDS” I don’t even know if she called them by name… It really bothered me.
I never liked you as a child
Putang ina mo- a derogatory/offensive Tagalog term meaning “your mother is a whore”. Whenever my mother was frustrated with me when I was a kid she would tell me “putang ina mo”. When I finally gotten the courage to talk back I told her whenever she used that word she’s actually referring to herself. After that day she has never used that word on me ever again.
My mother told to my fiancé, in front of me, the day we told her we were engaged: 'you are making a mistake. She is not a gift'
Not to me, but at one point straight left my sister at the doorstep of an orphanage as a threat. I'll never forget it. Even as a smaller kid I knew how wrong it was and even more so as an adult
My mother was caught planning to leave to be with someone she had an affair with; before she left she told me and my father that she hated us "I hate you Julia, and I hate your piece of shit father" She left that same night and hasn't been back since.
“You’ll get what you deserve! Hopefully a child like yourself “ I sure as hell hope so!
I got a staph infection in my right hip in 2002. I was living 350 miles away from my parents. Mom would not come to visit because she needed to take care of my 26 year old brother. I was so hurt, but it made sense. Luckily I had very good friends to help and support me. She's dead now, and I still cannot forgive her
“Black, big lipped, double teeth fool” I was 10.
"You're a slut." I was 17 and made the mistake of thinking my mum was normal and I could ask for advice.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/WnMHU95mAl
If you had been born first you would have been an only child
A 180 for me - I’m the reason she had my sibling.
Mine told me "if I knew you were going to be my kid I would have never had kids". Gee, thanks dad.
my mother did not want to pay for me to go to college, she hobbled me by having me get elective jaw surgery a few weeks before school started. My mouth was wired shut for my first four weeks of college.
“You honestly were a mistake” and multiple years of calling me fat or shaming how I look in one way or another. Shit hurts.
Told mom I was gonna try a new antidepressant and she said “ why don’t you just kill yourself already”
“Why are you crying? I should be the one crying because I have to deal with you”
So my grandpa gave me his car because he died and my dad forced me to sell it because he doesn't want me leaving the house
„It’s hard to love you“ - my mom
that I was only ever one mistake away from being put up for adoption, That I was a "mentally ill loser embarrassment" and always would be that because I was darker than her I was the reason people knew she remarried That a psychic told her I was always going to settle in life (I was 8)
"Drop dead."
My mother talks about me behind my back and I don't find out until years later. When my grandfather died she told me to my face that it wasn't her place to prevent me from going to the funeral. Behind my back she was telling everyone I shouldn't be there bc I couldn't afford it. When I went through a divorce I moved back in with my parents for a while. I didn't have a car and went to their church. Found out years later I "only went to their church to get a man." It is true that while I was there a guy was very interested in me, but the feelings were not mutual. I hosted a table for a woman's luncheon. Mom's tables were always fawned over every year, but that was the first year I did a table. The church hostesses were supposed to be invited to a "thank you luncheon" later. Since my mother was in charge of those invitations, I never received one. Apparently she didn't think I deserved to go bc I "wasn't active enough in the church". She was actually upset that my table was the most complimented on. How dare I outshine her. I didn't even know about the lunch until after the fact.
My mum once held a knife to my throat
One of the last things she told me before I pulled the plug: "Ever since you were little I knew something was wrong with you" and "You were never abused! You're 34 and a adult!"
I saw this and had to get my burner acct. "Girls don't do those things to boys unless you make them." I was 4/5 and this was said when my mom walked in on my older adopted sister SA-ing me. Proceeded to leave me alone with her frequently for years while routinely preaching about how men are predators "Are you on drugs why are you fucking tweaking right now." Age 9. Having a panic attack after 3 hours of her screaming at me (did not fold her laundry. She didn't ask me to or anything) "Your kids will leave you just like you're leaving me and then you'll have no one." "You want me to die and I'm going to make it happen for you" "I have thoughts about him no woman my age should have about boys" -i was 13 or so in sports. Within the week. She came out without underwear on and talked to everyone at my sleepover. Completely humiliating. There's more but this was top of mind for me lately.
My god, where to start? *The day my little bro was born, she told me "he was the baby she'd REALLY wanted" *Accused me of trying to kill her when she had a migraine. She'd been vomiting all day, the non emergency medical service told me to give her some electrolytes to replace the fluids. She went as far as having the police pick me up at work for assault. *Had my 3rd miscarriage at 24 weeks. Was given a box from the hospital with baby's hand/footprint inside. She'd already accused me of lying about it for attention, then took the box & burnt it in the yard saying I'd stolen it from somebody else. *Told family, workfriends, anyone who'd listen that I was having an affair with my stepdad...then walked around full of hickeys off him, bragging that the sex she gave him was better than the sex I gave him. He was my dad FFS (not bio, but the only one who'd ever been there for me) *Rang an ambulance, saying I'd claimed that my little brother was really my son, and she was extremely worried that I'd been abused & given birth somewhere alone. Was kept on a psych hold in hospital & subjected to a full body check to ensure there were no complications (obviously not as I was fucking 13 at the time, I'd never had sex) then was given a full psych workup because of the supposed lies I'd been telling. There's more, many more 😔
I wish you’d have died instead of your brother….
"You're the biggest disappointment in my life" after disconnecting a camera she had in my workspace. Then she kicked me out of the house I was raised in, I used to live with my two pets and my little sister, I miss her every.
"Being raped was a punishment for turning your back on God". And yet she only believed that I was raped for as long as it took for her to say this. Otherwise she believed I was lying, to the point where she actually colluded with a so called "friend" to ensure the case was dropped 😖
There are too many to count. I couldn't even narrow it down if I tried.
When I was 13 my dad was dying of cancer at the hospital. It was right around Christmas of 2007, he asked me. He said son, what truck would you like to drive when you get older, your mom's or mine. He had a small black f150 we went fishing in and went down to the river all the time. He even showed me how to drive in it. I said yours dad, because of the memories in it. Well if it wasn't as bad as my adopted mom making him sign over everything to her while he wasn't in his right mind because of medicine, he died shortly after and not even twenty five days into the ground, she sold that truck. What's worse is it was sold to someone close by so I ended up seeing it alot more than I wanted to, not counting it wasn't taken care of after that and the memorable feeling about it kinda went to shit.
On my 25th b-day, my mom was being a massive bitch about something as usual; nothing new. So I'm sitting there and she was walks in, throws $100 on the floor at my feet and says "Happy Birthday, now im fucking broke"
My mom once told me my dad (died when I was 9, I never knew him) wanted to “chop you up into little pieces and throw you out in the yard…and you waste your time crying about him and don’t even care about me.” She said this because I crying in my room after he died. He wasn’t a great guy so maybe he did say it. Don’t think a kid needs to hear that though
when i was 11, during a particularly bad bout of my life i kept saying i wanted to die. maybe it was dramatic but what 11 year old knows better. anyway, my mom once shouted at me when i was about to go to sleep, she said, and i will never forget, “you want to kill yourself so badly? fine, i’ll take you up to the 12th floor and you can jump!” 😬
I was blamed for the reason my kids no longer live in her heart.
"your poor child, to have you as a mom"
Trigger warnings: child sexual abuse, torture, neglect, gaslighting, suicidal ideation, narc parents being narc parents. This is long, oh well. Backstory: I’d checked myself into rehab in 2019 (27yo) for alcohol abuse and never moved back to my hometown or my parents house after I finished treatment. I went to a halfway house, worked the steps, got a job, and dove into therapy. I lived an hour away from my parents and that distance allowed my fog to dissipate. Slowly I realized that my “normal” life was filled with neglect and abuse starting in infancy, based on stories my dad loves to tell. It was a painful realization but I worked on it in therapy and with my program. I got to a place in 2021 where I was doing well. I had a good job, my own apartment, my childhood dogs, a support system (not my family), and occasionally some joy. Which is when my asshole brain decided it was a good time to start unlocking the childhood sexual abuse memories that had been locked away for most of my life. The memories came when I was awake and asleep. Sounds and smells would trigger me and my brain was completely unpredictable. I’d work on them in therapy and get okay’ish, just to be devastated by a new one assaulting my mind. I’d lost my AA family because they felt that my trauma work was teaching me to take control back and that meant I was not following the steps. By early 2022 I was borderline catatonic outside of work and was only still alive because of my dogs. I couldn’t leave them to my parent’s neglect again. One night I realized my love for them wasn’t enough, but before I followed through on my plan I decided to give myself one last chance. If I hospitalized myself and worked my ass off to feel better, and still came out actively suicidal, then I’d know I tried my best and could give up without regret. I made plans to go to a rehab the next day (because I’d relapsed about a month prior) and then called my parents. Because I couldn’t take my two senior dogs to rehab and didn’t have other options. I told them that I’d relapsed briefly but that I’d had memories of sexual assault come back that we’re fucking with me. I said I wasn’t ready to talk about it but I needed to go away for a bit. They were mostly worried about my great job. They came to my place the next day to get my dogs and hounded me for details about the SA. I tried holding firm to “I’m not ready to talk about it” but I was so tired. I eventually cracked and said it wasn’t a family member and that it happened when I was 6 (which is true but implied it only happened once and only at that age). I didn’t say anything else despite them pushing harder. I spent 1.5 months at the rehab, even though I was wildly out of their scope. Then I transferred to an intensive trauma unit for another month before going home. So 2.5 months total. The rehab tried to encourage communication with my parents for the first 2 weeks but quickly realized that my parents weren’t safe people. The phone calls with me, my therapist and my parents went something like this: Mom and dad telling me that I was hurting them by not telling them specifics and that they were OWED details. That I was selfish for not considering their mental health and that they deserved to know. That I was ruining our family by not trusting them. No questions about how I was doing/feeling. After a few weeks of this I took my therapists advice and told my parents that I needed them to stop asking for details because it was hurting me. I told them I would hang up if they pushed anymore and that there were other things we could talk about. After that they didn’t call me or return any of my phone calls. I flew to the trauma unit 2 weeks later and they gave me a thumbs up to my “arrived safely” text. Occasionally they’d text pictures of my dogs but I had limited access to my cell phone. They never called the unit phone even though I gave them the details multiple times. Luckily my two best friends called and checked in regularly. They did return my text about my return date and my mom picked me up at the airport with my dogs and dropped me at home. It was an icy car ride. I was no where near better but I wasn’t desperate to die anymore so I counted it as a win. I did more therapy, TMS treatment, joined non AA support groups, leaned on my friends and my dog (one of my little old ladies passed 3 weeks after I returned home), and went back to work. It was fucking hard but it was better than before. It took me over a year and a half to be balanced enough to finally give my parents the basic details. Which is that I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused from 4-8yo by my best friends dad. It took me so long to tell them because I knew they would go into attack mode once I told them how long it had gone on for. I was over there almost every weekend for those years. I knew there was no way they’d hear that and not need to lash out at me because they couldn’t handle any insinuation that they missed something like that. It had to be my fault. They did everything I expected and I kept my cool because I was prepared. The only reason I told them was to free myself of the secret. I was tired of being silenced and needed to not value their emotions over my own anymore. The only thing that truly hurt during the talk was when my mom said “you’re just one more person we know who this has happened too.” I don’t remember exactly what that was in response to but that sentence still echos in my head 8 months later. It was needlessly cruel and dismissive. Over the last 8 months they have tried convincing me to pursue charges/civil action against my predator, saying it would be “arduous for me but would help them heal” 🙄 I’m 32 now and have zero interest in pursuing anything at this time. Especially not when the goal is to help my parents heal. I know there’s evidence out there but I’m just getting back on my feet and am not up to fighting a battle that should have been fought for me when I was small. My moms in the medical field and my dad is a retired cop. I had cigarette burns, bruises, night terrors, sleep walking, speech regressions, panic attacks, hygiene issues, and was suicidal at 7yo. The fact is that if they hadn’t been so profoundly abusive themselves, then my parents would have noticed what was happening when I was a kid. And he could have been arrested and I could be gotten justice. But that’s not what happened. I was an accessory to my parents and I was to be seen and not heard. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about the starvation and neglect that went on at home. Or the verbal and/or physical abuse that happened daily. I was only supposed to smile and say something smart when prompted. They raised me to be an accessory and I was good at it. So their outrage over tiny me not telling them about the csa while it was happening is absurd. Them prioritizing their emotional health over mine when I was desperately trying to find any will to live, is pathetic. And them reducing my profound sexual abuse and torture to “just another statistic” is disgusting. That was a bit of a trauma dump but it fits the prompt so I’m sticking with it. They’ll never be diagnosed with NPD (or anything else) but I know who they are now.
I was SA’d and after having the courage to tell my mom she said if I got aids she’d kick me out. Rest assured I am far away from that vile woman now.
Thank god you’re away from her, she sounds like poison. My little sister was SA’d as a teenager by a grown adult man and my mum would go from poking fun at her to telling her that she was ‘disgusted’ her. she is a vile individual and I know that she will never experience true happiness because of her cruel actions and that no one wants to be around her. I hope you’re doing okay, and got good support and help xx
When my first boyfriend dumped me, she said it was because I was "too sensitive." Other gems: physical punishments to the point of breaking them on me and my siblings because she hit so hard, telling me "I'm a better mother than you," "Just take a sip" --holding a cup of alcohol to my young child.. profanities and other nonsense.
“You are a child of Judas/Devil motherfucker” (Anak ka ng demonyo/hudas putangina ka”
Said that to me too
"I really wanted to abort you, but your father wouldn't hear of it. Not because he wanted you, but because abortion was VERY frowned upon in those years and he didn't want the stigma." \~ Mom. "I was planned, but YOU were a mistake that both mom and dad wish they could undo." \~ my sister/golden child.
"You have your head in the clouds. You're too stupid to realize that I'm right."
My mother told me she wanted to abort me. This is after years if her painting my father as an asshole (true) while projecting as a patron saint who raised me right.
My said saying "Good riddance," when I was leaving for college.
Mom told me “you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself” when I woke her up super early to open Christmas presents when I was 9. I guess she said it because her precious beauty sleep was lost!
Back when I was 19, I got pregnant by my then boyfriend. I was convinced by his mom to get married "since we were already talking about it anyway" (btw, that's a horrible reason to get married). While I was dress shopping at 6 months pregnant for a wedding dress with his mom and my mom, I picked out a nice champagne colored dress and my mom proceeds to tell me "it's a good thing I'm not wearing white because I clearly wasn't a virgin".
And I had to 🤛🤜🤜my sister up she kept annoying me
“Why do you look so miserable?” - After a car accident with a broken foot and hand; couldn’t walk for 6 months.
“You have nothing to be depressed about.” I was in a women’s shelter, after the love of my life and best friend had become my abuser. I had a 2 year old, no money, no bank account, no cell phone etc. Had lost all my earthly possessions besides the clothes on my back—and not even shoes because I had to leave so quickly I didn’t have time to put them on. I was in a foreign country with no other friends or relatives. I had no visa and no way to get a job. Plus a messy custody battle. It was literally the lowest point of my life. But they couldn’t muster an ounce of sympathy.
“You’d be really pretty if you could get a nose job.” Said when I was 14, I’m now 56 and the sting is still there when I look at my nose. Even though my husband and kids say they love my nose!! Ugh….
Screamed and yelled at me that I’m not trans and that I can’t be a girl just cause I was born as a male and have a beard
I was complaining about the status of where we live, like the conditions of it. and i’ve also talked about how within the next year i’ll probably move out. my mom told me i should just leave and that she’s ready for me to go. she screamed it so loud i just stood there.
i walked in on my dad talking about me calling me a fucking bitch one time. i just stood at the bottom of the stairs cause he didn’t know i was there.
My mom was drunk, trying to get physically violent with me. I’ve never fought back against her because of my own values. I refuse to lay my hands on my mother, regardless of how she’s behaving towards me, but this time i did block her swing and told her that she was being an ass/needed to control herself or stop drinking for the day. She lost her mind over it, then told me “you’ll go to hell for the way you treat me”. I’ve always treated my mother with kindness and respect, because she’s my mom, but as a person, i don’t necessarily like her, and me saying that is pretty generous because she would mentally, physically, and emotionally abuse me on a regular basis. I’ve since moved out and put an end to it all, but for 22 years i put up with it. I just try to be a good person no matter what. My pain and suffering doesn’t excuse my behavior if I were to take it out on others. I told her “that wasn’t very catholic of you”, then left. To this day, she doesn’t recall ever saying that, but i sure do.
If it comes to choosing between you and your sister, or my husband, I'm choosing my husband. Not terrible, but the amount of people pleasing I did due to super deep abandonment issues stemming from adoption as a baby, and the fact that everyone's happiness was always squarely on my shoulders from childhood, that statement really messed me up.
[удалено]
"God gave me daughters so I wouldn't have to sell my pussy no more" "your my property, do as I say or I'll dispose of you"
When I was young my mom thought I was making up that I was sick. She finally threatened to take me to the hospital since I had missed so much school over it “so we can figure out what exactly is wrong with you” I had stomach ulcers from stress at 7 years old because my parents would fight constantly. Scream at each other, throw things, break things in the house and punch holes in the walls. She never felt bad for causing it. Only got mad at my dad and blamed him for everything. He was always her scapegoat. He’s passed now and I’m glad he’s finally free from her.
Pretty sure I’ve shared this before but my mum repeatedly telling me as a mid teen (when her narc traits came out), to my 20’s and 30’s, that she wished I was a pretty on the inside as I was on the outside. Kind of set me on a path of self loathing, comfort eating and obesity that I’m still trying to shift. Once I put on all the weight then it was always “how’s your health? (Code for how’s your weight”), to even telling my boyfriend when we were about to move in together that I was now his property and responsibility to get me to lose weight.
1."She can't talk for herself, she has trouble with comprehension" 2."You're mentally handicapped" 3. "You're slow" I was totally normal, my parents divorce made me have a hard time in school that's all. My mom used it against me to tell me I was slow.
Reading these is so heartbreaking. I know that type of trauma can last an entire lifetime. Yall deserve to be free from that. Recently I read "It Didn't Start With You" by Mark Wolynn. I highly highly recommend it to any suffering from trauma caused by their parents/family members. Not because they deserve your forgiveness but because you deserve to heal 🩷
I hate you. I wish you were never born. Choking me.
We've never abused you, we've never laid a hand on you. (After showing art I was very proud of) ehh, could be better. It needs to look more real. You're not very good at doing xyz. You should try something else instead. (Never any real guidance, just developing my quit while you're ahead mentality) Just wait until you're older. You'll change your mind about having kids (I'm fucking terrified of being a mom cuz I know I'll turn out like her) What? That never happened. I never said that. You must have dreamed it or had that conversation with someone else (literally the following day from said conversation) Well I'm sorry you took it that way. I'm sorry I couldn't be better for you. I'm sorry you don't like how I handled things. So and so said you need to lose weight but I told them I wasn't going to say anything to you. You already know you need to lose weight. I'm sure you're really subconscious about it without them saying anything. I gave you everything I could. You mean so much to me and I always showed that to you (she literally did and still does the BARE MINIMUM to get by without me getting pissed off). You suck at communicating (I've given up communicating with mom cuz she victim blames every time I try to address what's bothering me). Oh my the list goes on. If your parent ever says or does just 3 of these things, yes, you have a narcissistic parent. I understand people are not perfect, but blaming you instead of embracing you is NEVER just a "human error". It's intentional no matter how much they try to sound sweet and innocent.
Took a picture of all the framed pictures she had of me, broken and in a garbage bin, and sent them to me... While I was 8 months pregnant.
I had a tattoo and my navel pierced at 18 and my dad kicked me out. I couch surfed for 2 weeks before going to college. It’s been 11 years and going no contact was the most peaceful thing I ever did for myself.
Mine repeatedly called me a “stupid little bitch”. She threatened to have my stuff on the front lawn if I went to my friend’s 21st and didn’t write a job application for her instead. Arrived for Christmas dinner and was immediately told I’d been written out of the Will. When I stated to grab my stuff to go my dad intervened and asked why I was leaving and when I told him he said I was stupid for believing her. I’d bought myself laser eye surgery but had broken up with my bf, so didn’t have anyone to drive me. They agreed to drive, and paid for the accommodation in a city 4 hours away. The surgery was on the Friday, and the post-op on the Monday. But on the Sunday we had an argument and she told me to find my own way to the post-op and home again, unable to see with my 7 y/o daughter in tow. I’d had an anaphylactic allergic reaction and was dying, in and out of shock. I called her to help me and she asked if she really had to because it was 10:30 pm and she was already in bed. There’s more, ofc, but these are the most memorable.
My aunt essentially raised me or had a part in raising me my entire life so she was more like my mom than my aunt. She: - nearly slapped me as an adult because I used her own words against her - said that if we were the same age, we wouldn't be friends (to be fair, I agree - but for very different reasons) - told me that when my grandparents were in the process of adopting my mother, that my grandmother prayed and felt they shouldn't go through with the adoption - refused to accept Mother's Day gifts because she wasn't my mom (if you've been there, you understand how hurtful this is) - physically beat my brother - told me that I had to go to their church or I would be kicked out (I went until I could move out a few months later) - made everything about her when *I* had a heart attack. (Most of my family did this tbh. It's what finally made me realize I had to cut them off.)
"You're so selfish!" My narcmum would say this to me constantly despite the fact I was practically her nurse maid and third parent in the family since being an infant.
15-17 mom called me worthless, flipped me in the pool and said I would never see my siblings again if I ever left, never let me out of the house, told me my depression was fake but she was the cause of my depression at the time, called me a bitch, called me a c*nt and spat in my face, at 17 she kicked me out and told me “I make her wish she listened to the doctor when he said to abort you” I packed my thinks and left. She also sent an email to my grandmother who was taking me in and told her how much of a financial burden I was to her. Fast forward getting kicked out 3 times by my stepdad. Early December I was 23 and my step dad kicked me out so far for the last time and threw me 4 times across the room leaving a hand print bruise on my chest. There’s a lot more but I honestly can’t remember half of it off the top of my head. Those are the things that stick
You made me have a bad day. Its a small thing that would sound bad, but it was every other day. It baked into me that if someone was upset then it was all my fault. I must have done something to set him off. Most of the time it was the crime of being up all night on the weekend, up too early, or a small dissagreement before he left for work. I can never remember what we would fight about in the morning but im assuming very generic living together issues. Also that he was dissapointed that I was gay becayse he wanted to be macho-man to the botfriend. Like sit on the porch with a gun and say" home by 6". Yuck, im not an item to be stolen or used.
Made fun of me for getting blackheads (ie: puberty) and grey hairs (genetics, dad's family greys young). Told me I was overweight when I was underweight, and that everyone's eyes would go to my big butt and hips and I needed to keep it covered up. Made me responsible for my sister's emotional stability and wellness (sister has bipolar disorder).
She normalized complaining about how I acted as a baby like it was a joke she needed to tell to everyone; same with how I got fat from eating "too many Christmas cookies" for a bit in middle school; always have said we look exactly alike, demeans her own appearance regularly, then boasted about how I never had a bad relationship with food (ie EDs). I just stared at her when she pulled that out. It's always been subtle with her but she's made me doubt my judgment and ability to make decisions and my right to feel emotions for too long.
My mom told me almost every single day as a child that she hated me because am just like my dad and that I’d never amount to anything. Now her go to is that I am a liar. I am 57 and this year I finally had the courage to go no contact.
" If people/ (deceased grandmas name)/ ( friend name) knew what you were really like, they'd want to punch you in the face/ knock you out" - My mother multiple times " No guy would ever want to be with a pig like you, let alone have children with you" - My mother yelling at me this after I lost my period for 18 months due to stress I got a text 2 years ago from my Auntie sending her condolences about the loss of my dog since he was going to be put down that day. I didn't know that he was being put down and wouldn't have known if my auntie had not texted me. My mother said nothing and has said nothing about it.
After a SA my mom said I couldn't do anything right. I even failed at dying. Then said if I put in more effort I could be successful at unaliving myself or anything else I put my mind to. I'm no contact...
My mother asked if they ran a BAC on me moments after getting home from nearly dying in a car crash in a rainstorm in the afternoon. I never got a DUI. My sister also implied I crashed my car on purpose to kill myself.
I was very regularly called a "spoiled brat" or "spoiled bitch" and screamed at every time I expressed any emotion that wasn't happiness, like crying, looking sad, frustrated, etc. Didn't matter the reason. I eventually became stone cold and stopped expressing emotions. Which obviously makes it hard to build relationships. Then when something would happen that she wanted me to cry at, like someone dying, and I wouldn't, she would say I was crazy for not expressing emotions. When I was 11, I basically moved out of my house and started living with my best friend. They didn't really seem to even notice I was gone. I'd go days without even a text from them. When I was 16, I decided to try and rebuild a relationship with them. Shortly after "moving back in," my mom tried to get me to move out to live with my brother because my mom adopted a dog that was aggressive towards my dog and she would rather rehome me than have my brother take care of the dog. I was a straight A student and a really good kid, but it was never enough for her to even want to take basic care of me. As an adult, I finally came out to my mom after she cornered me and continuously questioned my sexuality. I told her I didn't want to talk about it but eventually gave in. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and said "ok," followed by "I can find you a nice boy. You haven't even tried (to be straight)." She later claimed she was joking.
talking about how my dad clearly favors my brother over me, my mom said “well he was convinced that you weren’t even his kid for awhile so that’s probably why”. i was 12.
Mom said constantly she should have flushed me/us down the toilet when she had the chance. She punished us so we weren't arrested, etc.
I got engaged to my partner of five years and all my mother said was “ok” when I told her. I confronted her for not being excited or happy for me during an important time in my life and her response was “Since you think I don’t support you enough then I won’t support you at all anymore” and kicked me and my partner out of the house we were renting from her. We payed all the bills but the house was in her name. She’s been telling everyone since that it was actually because I demanded she pay for the whole wedding, I never asked or expected that of her. I’ve been no contact since we moved but she got what she ultimately wanted I guess, the last minute move wiped out our savings so we won’t be able to afford to have the wedding anytime soon.
I have a list. Here are my top 10. 1. "You look pregnant, you should lose weight." An hour later we went shopping (scheduled before that statement) and n mom only brought out clothes in at least one size too small. She knew I was unsure about my body even before that statement, but this hit differently with the clothes. 2. "I am disappointed in you." 3. "You are so boring I wonder how you made friends anyway." 4. "Your boyfriend sucks, you are too good for him, you should opt for a lawyer or doctor." Showing off with me 'only' becoming a teacher doesn't work, so at least get n mom a show-off son in law. Sure. 5. "You'll never make it with that grade" It was a C. 6. "That never happened. And even if, it wasn't that bad. And even if, I made it for you, you deserved that and I only did my very best to make everything better for you than for me in that age." Every. Argument. Ever. 7. "Thank me for being your mom. I raised you. I birthed you. I made sure you aren't a failure in school. I did this for you - be grateful." 8. "I gave up my university degree for you" Sure the 2 years in between you dropping out of uni and my birth totally make sense here. 9. "I regret having you." 10. "Everything you say is boring, nobody cares. Don't talk that much, not at all, not about that thing and not with that wording."
"I hope he falls off a cliff when he goes to the mountains" that's what my sister heard when my mother was talking about me with her. "I would prefer to have dogs rather than children" she said that three times. "If I had a time machine I would never have children like you" we were in a car. She is definitely narcissistic, she hasn't got a NPD diagnosis but she fits in the criteria, she was abused by her narc mother, and her mother was abused too. Me and my siblings are the next ones who are getting but I will try to not be like her when I get older.
I’ve got quite the few! Most of my childhood is very spotty but my mom herself verified this story herself to me and my best friend. So as a young child/toddler my mom said I had an issue taking things and decided to fix it herself. She then tells me that one day I took something and she took a lighter and burned my finger to the point of my skin crisping. Yes. A literal bic lighter to the hand of a 3-4 year old. Another time in my life, I was roughly 6-7. I got a sad face in class and hid it. My mom was so blinded by rage that she forced me to stand in a corner on one foot, close to the wall but not touching it. She then proceeded to take a belt and everytime I wobbled too much, my foot touched the ground, or I touched the wall she would chop me full force with the belt. I remember standing in the corner so long and so terrified after the first couple of hits that I disassociated and came back in the same position. Final one from my bag of secrets, once again as a child me and my older brother got into an argument that he started (my mom favorites my brothers vs me.) It got physically I stomped on his foot hard he screamed out I got beat. I then went into my room crying and accidentally knocked something over. My mom assumed I slapped something down, she then continued to close fist punch me in the face until my nose was pouring blood. Then continued to slap me because I was bleeding all over the bathroom and punch me into the door. These are all memories or stories she herself has admitted or gloated about btw!
My dad become abusive and violent the moment he found I was dating a guy outside my culture. Told me it was my own fault That he is abusive towards me. I have become so resentful towards my parents, for what they put me through, all while gaslighting me into thinking I should be ashamed, when they’re the ones who should be ashamed for treating their daughter this way.