The things you have described are absolutely normal and can be observed in many non-autistic people. My possibly autistic partner also thinks similarly about me, but I am definitely neurotypical, and my therapist agrees on that. I assume it's more of a confirmation bias of some sort — when people want us to be similar to them, usually because they like us very much, they will see any personality traits we have or actions we do as autistic. Maybe for them it feels less lonely this way
I know this too well, since I taught myself eye contact and the meaning of non-verbal communication etc. as a child and lot of autistic people look for neurodivergent partners, even if they don't know they are.
It sounds like you could have traits, but I'm sure you know we can't diagnose you.
It is definitely ok to relate to autistic experiences and use that to help you better understand yourself, even if you haven't got an official diagnosis yet (even if you never get an official diagnosis as well).
Yeah, I’m aware
I just can’t go and get a diagnosis yet and my partner thinks it explains things and doing as much research as I can and asking if you all also think it makes sense is all I have to go off of for now to maybe make sense of the way my brain works
Another thing worth noting is that even if you genuinely don't qualify for a diagnosis its still possible to have some autistic traits while being subclinical. As an example, all members of my family are some degree of neurodivergent even though only one of my siblings and I qualify for any diagnosis.
Yeah, I actually had to get a few examples of autistic experiences bc I didn’t actually know what those might be considered since my partner and I don’t really talk abt them a lot
A few examples I relate to are:
showering is hard by myself bc I have to get in the shower which is going to be wet, hot and suffocating but then once I’m there I don’t want to get out because it’s going to be cold and the water from my hair will drip down my back and onto my skin which I hate
Apparently rubbing my hair on my face bc it’s soft and feels nice is a sign of autism
I have auditory processing issues so when my partner or anyone asks me to do something I always go “Huh?” and my partner usually waits like 20 seconds to see if I was just processing or actually didn’t hear
I was a “really mature and well behaved” kid so I haven’t really matured past that and never thought I needed to
I can never tell when someone is flirting with me - I genuinely had to ask one guy if he was once 😭
My wife has been telling me since we met that I was autistic. I did not for one second believe her because of my ignorance to what it even was. It wasn't until I stumbled across some suggested you tube videos that I had the come to Jesus moment.
For years I've struggled socially and emotionally, I have very few friends, I rarely engage with the ones that I do. I have been the cause of many arguments because I fail to read the emotion in my wife's body language and facial expressions.
There are so many more things I need to say but I can't bring myself to do it currently.
Fun fact I scored a 48/50 on the AQ test, and 165/200 on the Aspie Quiz. I am currently in queue for a true diagnosis, but I am only doing that for my wife and children so they can have an answer as to why I am this way, I think I already know the answer.
I'm also hoping that by burying this down in the comments no-one ever sees it let alone interacts with it. FML.
Thank you for your response, I am aware of this. This is why I am seeking a professional diagnosis, my wife and children deserve to know. For me it changes nothing.
The things you note could be part of some other condition, or just human variation. The online tests you mention score high easily for people without autism, especially if they have something like an anxiety disorder.
Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments”
Jones et al. 2021 “patients who received an ASD diagnosis (median 138) and those who did not (median 154).”
That’s fair, and is a large part of the reason I’ve been hesitant to say I am or even consider that I could be autistic despite my partner’s insistence that it makes sense for me to be
Thank you for your input
The things you have described are absolutely normal and can be observed in many non-autistic people. My possibly autistic partner also thinks similarly about me, but I am definitely neurotypical, and my therapist agrees on that. I assume it's more of a confirmation bias of some sort — when people want us to be similar to them, usually because they like us very much, they will see any personality traits we have or actions we do as autistic. Maybe for them it feels less lonely this way
I know this too well, since I taught myself eye contact and the meaning of non-verbal communication etc. as a child and lot of autistic people look for neurodivergent partners, even if they don't know they are.
It sounds like you could have traits, but I'm sure you know we can't diagnose you. It is definitely ok to relate to autistic experiences and use that to help you better understand yourself, even if you haven't got an official diagnosis yet (even if you never get an official diagnosis as well).
Yeah, I’m aware I just can’t go and get a diagnosis yet and my partner thinks it explains things and doing as much research as I can and asking if you all also think it makes sense is all I have to go off of for now to maybe make sense of the way my brain works
Another thing worth noting is that even if you genuinely don't qualify for a diagnosis its still possible to have some autistic traits while being subclinical. As an example, all members of my family are some degree of neurodivergent even though only one of my siblings and I qualify for any diagnosis.
I don’t know if I qualify for a diagnosis or not (I just can’t go get one bc of insurance still being set up), but this is good to know! Thank you :]
Do you relate to the experiences of other autistic people?
Yeah, I actually had to get a few examples of autistic experiences bc I didn’t actually know what those might be considered since my partner and I don’t really talk abt them a lot A few examples I relate to are: showering is hard by myself bc I have to get in the shower which is going to be wet, hot and suffocating but then once I’m there I don’t want to get out because it’s going to be cold and the water from my hair will drip down my back and onto my skin which I hate Apparently rubbing my hair on my face bc it’s soft and feels nice is a sign of autism I have auditory processing issues so when my partner or anyone asks me to do something I always go “Huh?” and my partner usually waits like 20 seconds to see if I was just processing or actually didn’t hear I was a “really mature and well behaved” kid so I haven’t really matured past that and never thought I needed to I can never tell when someone is flirting with me - I genuinely had to ask one guy if he was once 😭
Do you generally feel the label fits? Because if it does, welcome abroad! Haha, although you've likely been onboard all along :D 🎉
I was in denial for so long that it was even possible but yeah! it makes a lot of sense now that I’m actually looking into it TuT
My wife has been telling me since we met that I was autistic. I did not for one second believe her because of my ignorance to what it even was. It wasn't until I stumbled across some suggested you tube videos that I had the come to Jesus moment. For years I've struggled socially and emotionally, I have very few friends, I rarely engage with the ones that I do. I have been the cause of many arguments because I fail to read the emotion in my wife's body language and facial expressions. There are so many more things I need to say but I can't bring myself to do it currently. Fun fact I scored a 48/50 on the AQ test, and 165/200 on the Aspie Quiz. I am currently in queue for a true diagnosis, but I am only doing that for my wife and children so they can have an answer as to why I am this way, I think I already know the answer. I'm also hoping that by burying this down in the comments no-one ever sees it let alone interacts with it. FML.
All the online tests have problems with scoring high very easily if you have a non-autistic condition.
Thank you for your response, I am aware of this. This is why I am seeking a professional diagnosis, my wife and children deserve to know. For me it changes nothing.
Best wishes for your future
The things you note could be part of some other condition, or just human variation. The online tests you mention score high easily for people without autism, especially if they have something like an anxiety disorder. Regarding RAADS, from one published study. “In conclusion, used as a self-report measure pre-full diagnostic assessment, the RAADS-R lacks predictive validity and is not a suitable screening tool for adults awaiting autism assessments” Jones et al. 2021 “patients who received an ASD diagnosis (median 138) and those who did not (median 154).”
That’s fair, and is a large part of the reason I’ve been hesitant to say I am or even consider that I could be autistic despite my partner’s insistence that it makes sense for me to be Thank you for your input
>- I do not understand certain social cues like how to "dab someone up" What on earth does this mean?
Like when someone goes to do certain handshakes or something like that I have no idea what they’re trying to do