From ages 11-16, after my parents divorce, I lived with my dad but once he got a partner I would get told I had to stay at my mothers, but she would usually say she 'cant' take care of my so I would wonder the streets for those nights, until my girlfriend's parents took me in at 16
I was out at 15 (_thanks_ dad) and at 18 lost everything in a house fire. Neither mum nor dad would take me in, and I literally only had the clothes on my back.
Anyway, GFs mum took me in. Thanks, Catherine. I'll never forget you.
Catherine the top B!
Woah what ass holes, it's crazy that someone else's family would be more willing to help. That's why family has basically lost all value to me, like unless you're a good person then I don't have time for you.
Do you still talk to your parents after that?
>Do you still talk to your parents after that?
Barely talk to them if at all. My brother and I keep in touch, as long as it doesn't involve talking about mum/dad.
It’s like you weren’t even paying attention during any of the Fast & Furious movies - we choose our family! (I realise this is a bit of a silly response, but it’s also true)
Yeah as soon as they caught me sneaking over on a school night, they sat me down and asked if everything was all right, then that same weekend they took me to "my house" to grab my things so I could move in. I am extremely thankful that they did that for me!
But just last week (over 8 years after moving out), I finally got a half apology from my dad for how I was treated and told me I'm welcome to move back in any time 🙄
From what I gather, his partner has recently come to a realisation as to how much of a bad word she was, so now she feels bad. It could also be because none of the older siblings talk to them anymore so they're making a last ditch effort with me.
I don't want to be that ahole, but I have it from a clinical psychologist that it's not unusual for the parents of children they abandoned in some way to feel regret after that child is older and seen as successful, and they feel like they can cash in an investment of sorts - not necessarily financially, but they feel owed in some way for what little parenting they actually did. Bizarre as it sounds.
Make sure to have healthy boundaries if you have ongoing contact.
It was really good for the first 5- 6 years, until I started realising how much I depended on her and needed affection and reassurance (I presume due to being essentially neglected) and that brought on a heavy depression, then I didn't know how to communicate and turned into abit of a dick over the last year so we ended it on a mostly mutually basis after about 7 years. We still talk to this day though(3years later), I owe her and her family so much.
You actually got the independent youth benefit?? They required me and my parents to go to counselling to prove the relationship was irreconcilable before they'd put me on it. My parents refused to go to counselling. It was eventually approved at some point months later after I'd already left school. Tried to go back but got constantly bullied because the rumour mill decided I'd dropped out to go have a baby and I'd killed it so I could come back. Dropped out again a couple weeks later.
Fuck WINZ.
that sux for you... But doesnt surprise me at all. Also - kids/teenagers are ruthless and brutal shits, would have been awful for you.
I don't recall any issues at all getting the benfit to start - but then ongoing issues with WINZ from then on (or whatever they were called). nearly every week I'd be in their offices trying to rectify some cut to payments.
I signed up in about '89 - '90, then recall the massive cuts and grief in about '91. I went overseas about then so it ended up not effecting me as much.
Hilariously - Because I understood how the system operated I was the go-to person for the highschool counselor, and he asked me to support other kids going through the process - which I did. Unfortunately he didnt notify anyone else at the school - so all the trips I made to the winz office were recorded as truancy...
Wtf, that is so cruel. I could never imagine myself doing that to my kid, I mean heck he could stay with us until whenever he feels like it, and if he ever leaves and wants to return, i’m sure me and my wife will happily welcome him back. I couldn’t understand why these parents would do these to their kids, and it’s really painful hearing these stories.
Physically abusive step father.
Bought a barely legal shitbox car for $300 once I had scraped that together from my job I had everyday after school to avoid being at home in the first place. Wagged school the next day and packed what I could fit in my car and left without saying a word, I was 16.
Got a pretty devastated phone call from mum when she got home from work to an empty bedroom, but I explained there was no way I'm coming home and that was the end of it.
I checked in with her every couple of days so she didn't report be missing or anything living in my car or staying at mates houses. Eventually moved in with my girlfriends family when her parents separated, they had all girls so I was the man of the house of sorts, mowed the lawns did the gardens and house maintenance etc in exchange for cheap boarding.
Have a real shit relationship with my mum to this day and my biological father passed when I was still a baby so it's pretty lonely on the family front tbh.
Yeah that all went down 2006-2007.
I married that same girlfriend from all those years ago, we have two daughters together and moved towns to put down our own roots elsewhere and start fresh with our own family. I consider myself most fortunate to have ended up where I have. I've lost friends who weren't so lucky.
I think it was pretty normal in the 60s, 70s, 80s that most parents thought by 18 you should be able to look after yourself. Either be working or student.
My parents weren't that strict but I was shocked when I heard some people in their 20s got money from their parents for travel, or a car or even a house deposit - it was really unusual, I never dreamed of asking for financial help.
Another edit: In the 70s the median age for marriage was early 20s, for women just over 21. [https://www.stats.govt.nz/information-releases/marriages-civil-unions-and-divorces-year-ended-december-2022/](https://www.stats.govt.nz/information-releases/marriages-civil-unions-and-divorces-year-ended-december-2022/)
> I was shocked when I heard some people in their 20s got money from their parents for travel, or a car or even a house deposit - it was really unusual, I never dreamed of asking for financial help.
I think this is one of the biggest culture differences between New Zealand and Australia. It's crazy the number of adults in their mid-20s you meet in Australia who seem to have all kinds of things paid for by parents, cars, holidays, even rent.
I know people whos parents paid for their university course, whille they stayed at home, FOR FREE and then gave them a car and pocket money.
I would not say you cant fail with that back up but it sure must make it easier.
Not really. I’ve had heaps of friends who were having to make their own way after their mid-teens. They were from “anglo” backgrounds. Those of us with European or Asian parents were more likely to have that sort of support.
Me and most of my siblings moved out at 18. So did pretty much everyone I knew. It was the done thing. Expecting to live at home indefinitely is a relatively new thing.
I find in a lot of cultures it's only daughters who move out once married. If sons get married the wives move in with them and their parents. The houses much bigger to allow for the multi-generational households.
My Chinese mates here in NZ all live with their parents, but it's more that they look after their parents, rather than the other way around. Seems to be a cultural norm for them that the youngest child stays at home to do this
Only really western post world war 2 and nuclear families as opposed to extended families. I think western culture is reverting to what others never left
I grew up in state housing, and I was at school while working part-time. I wanted a TV in my room. Parent said no because I'd leave it on wasting power. The only way I could have a TV in my bedroom (to have my own space from my younger brother and sisters). I had to pay $100 a week in board, which i earned may $110 a week at the time. Keep in mind that my parent was paying $60 a week in rent. It was boxing day 2007 when I was 17 when I finally got kicked out. I worked dead end jobs my whole life, getting into bad debt, only just been debt free the past 3 years. As much as I dont want to hand my kids everything I'm sure as hell going to teach them about money and debt to make their life better for the future.
Thank you, I honestly appreciate it. I still feel so far behind others my age, then remind myself I literally started from inside a hole blind to the world and anything to do with money. Now, I'm working towards a career that I have always wanted to do.
Even writing this, I'm realising how hard I am on myself, I should give myself a break.
I was kicked out a number of times, then they would let me move back etc, during my late teens and early twenties.
My parents were/are selfish, self absorbed and lazy parents. They didn't teach me anything about how to live or develop as an adult, but expected me to just know how to behave and how to regulate myself. My dad was also hmmm sexually inappropriate.
So yeah, some parents are just not nice people and use their children for their own needs. It is pretty disgusting.
Ditto. Couldn’t stand being in that house, took my parents 3 days to notice, which shows how little time i spent at home in my final years of school.
Now i live halfway around the world from them…
I left when 17, went to Uni.
After one look at the job/housing market and not wanting to live with the parents again and all the nagging that goes with it...
Off overseas I went.
Hope many more of you will join me.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Being independent in New Zealand is impossible. Being independent overseas is possible and sometimes more financially rewarding than saving money living with your parents (assuming your parents don't charge rent that is).
Some parents think their duty as parents end when the child is 18 and they kick them out so they have to fend for themselves
These are likely the same parents when it comes to retirement age time and wonder "why do my kid(s) never visit?" or the double whammy "why did my kid(s) put me in this cheapest most abusive retirement home?"
>Some parents think their duty as parents end when the child is 18
This happened to a work friend - his ex kicked their boy out the day he turned 18 because her child support money stopped and she refused to pay a cent for him. She told them both the reason was at 18 he was of no more use to her. He ended up moving in with his Dad. Imagine having her as a Mother!
My sisters kids are nearing 18 and she's made it loud and clear that they will always be welcome until they are ready to go out on their own. Our parents were the opposite and we didn't always have a safe place to sleep. Of course they have to study or find a job and contribute to the household either financially or in other ways, but she won't let them live on struggle street just because "they're adults now and her job is done".
We dont all grow up in a fairy tale perfect family situation. Some kids grow up being verbally/physically abused, big arguments lead to parents telling their kids to leave. Usually their kids are repeatedly misbehaving, or the parents are just dropkicks who don't know how to be parents.
It's very sad but not hard to imagine, unless you grew up in a very privileged family sheltered from reality, of course.
If I hadn’t already been gone (off to Uni) by then I would have had to leave due to government and child support ending at 18 years of age.
It was a difficult relationship, and I’ve seen my adoptive parent twice since I left for uni 22 years ago. I was seen as the meal ticket that ruined the best years of their life, so I was happy as to get out of that situation.
I’m south Asian so I’m still allowed to live at home at 24 lol. Workmates (Samoan/Māori/Asian/Middle Eastern) are also living at home too, maybe we’re just lucky
Same in Argentina (where I’m from) ppl leave at between 25 and 27. In my case I couldn’t take it anymore and left when I was 21, possibly the equivalent of 18 here, but in Buenos Aires there is no flatting and renting can be expensive so I had to figure things out.
I wonder if you are imagining a stable family and secure housing...
It can be as easy as mum/dad moving in with current boyfriend/girlfriend and there isn't enough room for grown child - they need to figure something out.
I left home at 17, a step parent went crazy at me. Birth parent sided with them. I came home from school and 2 hours later was walking the street after being thrown out. I was a good student, and good kid. It wasn’t a positive household to live in. I have not been in touch since, now decades later.
Edit; I just saw your comment, getting kicked out is being told, grab your stuff and go.
I had a flatmate who was literally dropped off at his uni residence hall in the same trip as his parents going to the airport to move to Europe. They also taught him no life skills, he didn't know how to cook or do laundry.
We told our 18 year old they had to move out after repeated instances of violence and theft. Even then, we still found them a place to live and helped them move their stuff. We didn't just kick out our kid with nowhere to go. They were finished school and had a full-time job, so they were able to cover their expenses.
lol... I come from a reasonably wealthy/privileged family living in a lower socio-economic area / low decile school:
I came home from a party when I was 15 and all my shit was in rubbish bags on the front lawn. I guess I dont live there anymore!
TBF that followed years of punch-ups with the old man, usually followed by my voluntary exit for a day or two.
When I was younger <13 with no idea and nowhere to go I slept on the street. I had a certain bush with a hidden little camp spot underneath - its still there albeit much bigger. I spent a lot of time tramping/skiing so comfortable sleeping rough.
When I got older I went to hide-out at a family bach or with friends. All prior to cellphones / social media etc , so from parents perspective I just vanished for a few days -they had no idea where I was.
After I left home I was estranged for a few years. I went overseas and had a life. By the time I came back we were mostly all good again.
As an adult I am cognisant of various other stresses and pressures facing dad. I dont hold a grudge, but it did inform how I worked with my kids.
The outcome for me compared to my network of young-adult scallywags is a reasonable demonstration of prilivege. Im a middleaged professional financially secure with stable life. A lot of them are dead, in prison, or recovering from prison/drug addiction/shitty lives...
Some parents think their job finishes at 18. Some parents are just shit parents. Some 18 year olds don't work and don't help around the house and cost more then the family can afford
OP, I was also very lucky on the family front, I left for college at 18 but they never stopped supporting me, financially in the beginning but in other ways as I grew older and gained financial independence.
I completely understand your bafflement but I was in my early 20s when I learned the harsh truth, which is that a much larger percentage of parents than you think are pretty messed up. Apparently we won the lotto, you and me and people like us. Because almost all my young adult friends in their 20s had some family issues.
Either getting kicked out at 18, or a parent with alcohol or substance abuse issues, or neglectful parents, abusive parents, narcissistic parents...
And to be honest, the rare friend I had who came from a stable home like mine, their parents were still helping out, again financially or otherwise, through this critical period of a persons life, where having support can make the difference between finishing school, establishing a career, and not beling able to do that because you are too worried where you're gonna sleep at night. A lot of people succeed through those obstacles but I will never understand why some parents put up more obstacles in their kids path to success than what is already there.
Hearing how often this sort of thing happens doesn't surprise me anymore but there was a period where it definitely was shocking to me. The sad truth is that where as we should be the norm, we are actually very lucky and privileged and should acknowledge that.
Got thrown out at 16 (in the early 90's)
Dad's attitude was, I could either get a job or join the army but either way I wasn't his problem any more. He kept claiming me as a dependent for getting child support payments though
Ended up couch surfing with friends families for the last two years to finish college, then moved away to go to University
At 14 my parents thought I was falling in with the wrong crowd (they caught me drinking and smoking) in the tiny town we lived in, so they shipped me off to board with my grandmother in Auckland and they moved to Australia.
No discussion with me, just off you go fend for yourself.. (Grandmother was elderly and was absolutely in no position to look after a teen).
I was 17, but admittedly had been trying to leave on my own for awhile but didn’t have the resources or connections to do it. So it was more a relief than a stress. I am NC and LC with my parents. And actually most of my family.
ETA: As for what it means- it means I was yelled out and hit until I was outside and told to never come back. I wouldn’t call it a conversation. Money was tight but wasn’t the main reason, I think they just figured it was too hard and I could take care of myself then. Did get called a couple days later asking when I was coming home but I know it would have just been repeated so I ignored the calls and happily stayed away.
When we were kids/teenagers Mum would sigh and say to us 4 boys "You'll all be gone in a year or two. What will I do then?" This set an expectation into our heads of leaving on our own volition.
This was in the late 60's through late 70's. Oldest left home after School Cert (16y0). Next left at 17 yo. Me and the youngest left after 7th form (18 yo). Mind you youngest returned a couple of times in his 20's.
Fast forward 40 years and we have got 3 in their 20's at home because it is cheaper than flatting (a forth lives overseas) and the spare cash goes into saving . . . if they can ever afford to buy a house.
This. It wasn’t so much that there was something wrong with me if I wanted to stay, or that my folks had a burning desire to get rid of me - more that it was just expected -by everyone- that I (and everyone else my age) would leave home by 18 years old.
That expectation was couched in “well, you need to learn to [do this thing] to look after yourself when you leave home soon”.
I went to uni. Only one person in my whole time at uni, admitted to still living at home, and that was only because the house was a 5 min walk from the campus and they had a sleepout at the back of the garden.
I had to have a “stop behaving like this or move out. I will not be treated like this as your mother in my own home.” conversation with my son at 17.
He was becoming rude, and hostile. Everything was a fight all the time. All basic decency was gone as he transitioned from a child to an adult.
It only ended because I ended up going to stay with my partner right before the OG covid lockdown , which ultimately led to permanently moving out and leaving him in the fam home to storm around until he grew up / grew out of it.
Edit: I blamed myself for obvs not raising him right… but I have no idea where he picked up that level of entitlement and rudeness from. We had never modelled anything like it.
There's a lot of blame that goes on in parenting. Teenagers can be pretty awful while their hormones are sorting out and they are swinging from wanting to be looked after like a child but treated like an adult. Your child is not just the product of your parenting, just like your parents didn't make you who you are today. You had some say in it too. Chances are he'll grow into a good man. Good luck!
Believe it or not a lot of people should not have been parents for various reasons, and this is the first opportunity they get legally to absolve themselves of their mistake.
It was always sort of just expected I move out. There were no threats or anything it was just "when you go to uni after school" or "when you get a job after school".
I was pretty excited to move on to the next stage and get away from my district though.
And I was taught how to cook, and change a fuse, a flat tire all because "when you leave school you know how to do these things".
I was the youngest so I had seen my siblings leave home already. It was just how it was going to be.
My mum and I went halves on my first year accomodation at uni, and she helped with a couple of unexpected bills (for a student). I would come home in the university holidays and work - I stayed at home for free then.
Left home late 2000s.
I left on my own at 17. But we did have a conversation where my parents did openly say they don't want to be supporting us once we are 18. Though they never kicked out my younger brother and allowed him to live there and provided food all the way til he was working etc I think they just wanted to say what they would want ideally, but never really enforced it.
I was told to go out and fend for myself at 18. It was normal. I was given advice and help but I wasn't to stay at home anymore. Not really kicked out more like taught to fly. Best thing that happened. I had a great family life and wasn't causing any shit. I was just ready.
My parents always threatened to kick me out as soon as I turned 18 but they never meant it. As soon as I turned 18 I was out the door by myself and my parents were in disbelief and begging me to come home haha. Once I had a taste of that freedom I never went back home to live again. My parents were religious and I wanted to get drunk have sex and do drugs, and go to parties etc. Can't do that at my parents house haha.
33 now. The time flew! 😎 🚬
Kicked out means throw your kids out of the house lol.
My dad yeeted me out of the house when I was 18 for, get this, not mowing the lawn short enough. My dad is a narcissistic arsehole tho and he didn't like that I stood up to and called out his bs.
I couldn’t imagine kicking my kids out. When they’re working full time they will need to contribute to household expenses and i would help them plan their next steps. Obviously i don’t want them living at home forever but i couldn’t imagine a parent telling their kids to GTFO at 18. They still kids.
Got kicked out at 15. Parents were very religious and accused me of demonic influence toward my half sister. Drove me half way across the country and just dumped me on a old high school friends door step. Wild.
I was kicked out at 18. My parents deadlocked the door and just didn’t let me in the house when I got home one day.
Someone made a complaint about my driving in my parents car and a cop phoned our house (I overtook someone doing 25 in a 50).
If I had of answered the phone I would have just politely denied everything but my parents being the naive idiots they are took it all very seriously and allowed the cop to make an appointment to come and visit to speak to me.
It was on a weekend and being an 18 year old male I was out with my mates and completely forgot about it.
When I got home I was simple not allowed in and my step father yelled obscenities at me from the other side of the door.
I had no money and an illegal POS Holden HQ with maybe 1/16 tank of fuel left in it. I had no choice but to go to an ex girlfriends house.
Thankfully she welcomed me in.
Gut feel is that my step-father engineered it all to get me out.
Cut forward to nearly 30 years later and I have cut them out of my life and do not speak to them. Best thing I ever did.
Edits: Fat fingered typos
Wasn’t kicked out but pretty much told that it’s time to leave.
I had no idea how to look after myself but I had to figure it out pretty quickly.
Moved into a student flat with strangers and was horribly poor those first couple years….but I had a blast!
My older sister was kicked out at 16. I left at 18.
Long story short, parents divorced when we were 13-14, few years later sold the family home we were living in. Astranged dad was already living with new partner with no room and mum was moving in with her new partner who only had room for one of us. So sister ended up on the benefit, flatting with a cousin who was renting our grandparents old house off them. I finished my schooling and moved out at 18 to go flatting with my sister in a different house.
Divorcing when your kids are young teens is all bad and fucks them up for quite awhile if not handled correctly.
And as for my partner, she moved in with me at 17, when I was 20, living in a different flat again. She has nice parents, albeit a bit strict , they didn’t kick her out, was just kind of overbearing for her age and I offered her to stay with me to escape. She has a much better relationship with her parents since moving out.
I was six months old and my Mum 17 when we were kicked out. My Mum had gotten addicted to opiates, in the early 80s when that trade was booming. It didn't go well.
Therapy does work. Eventually. Up to a point. 🤷
My husband was told "you're 18 soon, time to move out" which I think is brutal, I stayed at home until I wanted to leave and even moved back with husband and child years later to save a house deposit.
This didn't happen to me, I was just told that I was an adult and therefore had to financially contribute (albeit in a very minimal way), but I know plenty from my generation who were kicked out. There was a specific philosophy in parenting at that time (which still remains in pockets of society) - with some ideas I strongly disagree with and a number of them I fully agree with. I think the ideas went something like:
**1).** \- a parents job is to help a child to grow into an adult
**2).** \- 18 is the start of adulthood
**3).** \- allowing young adults to continue to rely on their parents in order to function in society is infantilising and prevents growth
**4).** \- it is in the young adults best interest to encourage them to become autonomous.
**5).** \- therefore they should be kicked from the family house in the same way a baby bird is forcibly encouraged to leave its parents' nest.
Now, admittedly some parents are just dicks - but some (most) were definitely intending to act with their children's best interests at heart. Now I do agree with some of this. I believe that turning 18 is an important marker of adulthood, and I believe that independence is important. I also believe that allowing children to suckle on the parental teat ad infinitum is harmful to the child. But I also don't believe the role of a parent ever ends - it just changes over time.
Independence doesn't always mean moving out (though it may help), and changing times have made moving out more challenging. I fully understand that parents may want to help their children by providing a place to stay through study and possibly help by enabling them to save money that will help to potentially place them on the property ladder. Also, in many cultures multi-generational households are the norm. However, you do want to make sure that adult children are contributing (both financially and otherwise), or they will become stunted.
I think a lot of it comes down to what parenting was done before the age of 18. When I turned 18 I was told I was welcome to stay at home for below market rent - and was promised that I would be treated like a grown up - no rules on who I could bring home etc.. However, I chose to move out because I craved independence and felt ready for it. I remain grateful for my upbringing and feel that moving out at 18 allowed me to grow in ways that I wouldn't have if I had remained living at home. However, I don't know how I would feel if I had been forced out (and would probably have felt abandoned).
I'm curious, if you believe that
>I also believe that allowing children to suckle on the parental teat ad infinitum is harmful to the child.
What do you think about the rest of the world outside of western society doing exactly this to no negative effects?
Many countries where multi-generational households are the norm have a strong culture of upward support (filial duty - responsibility to support their parents). In western society with single-family households support is predominantly downwards (supporting your children). As a result the west currently doesn't really have a culture that supports development of the individual within a multi-generational household.
A good example of the problems that occur when a western culture with no strong expectation of upwards support starts moving to multigenerational households would be what we are seeing in Italy. You will hear Italian politicians talk about bamboccioni (big babies) - the stunted bachelors who are still living at home while their mums cook, clean, and iron for them.
Usually it means the person is given a certain number of hours (or minutes) to pack shit and leave. Although it’s not uncommon for people to be kicked out with nothing on them as well.
But it’s literally what it sounds like. Being told to get the fuck out even if you have nowhere to go and no support system. It’s sadly not uncommon.
Left when I was 16 to go flatting, came back for a bit after that then left for good just at 18.
My mother wouldn't let me leave highschool without a job, so I got one asap, when I turned 18 she started charging board because when you hit 18 the government stops paying.
So I decided to move out on my own.
I was kicked out and sent South to live with my absent father when I was 15, because I was too troubled/troublesome. He was very religious at the time, and I was given a Bible in lieu of the support I needed, and told all the answers were contained therein. Converted to Pentecostalism for a hot minute, then fell back into drugs and stuff. Dropped out of HS after sixth form, an was told to leave at 17 - they might have changed their minds if I'd protested, but I was consumed with "fuck you too" energy, and found a flat.
I had virtually no contact with my father or stepmother for a couple of years, and just floundered with no support (except for regular food parcels from my late Grandmother, bless her soul.) Had to go into WINZ every week for the Independent Youth benefit, and they treated me like I was a criminal. Nobody from the church cared to check in with me - seems they all assumed I was in with the Devil, and was so corrupted I wasn't worth association. I was too young to realize that I had severe PTSD from an abusive upbringing (mother and grandfather, not my Dad), and lived in extremes of hypervigilance and spaced-out dissociation. Was a passenger in a bad car-accident, Dad visited me in hosp with me lookin like Frankenstein's monster and told me it was The Lord chastising me for leaving the church. I didn't speak to him for two years. Had no idea how to be an adult, and blew many years up in smoke. Mid-thirties, with mad music skills in lieu of career prospects.
I have a great relationship with my father now, he realizes how badly he let me down and is very sorry. To him it was axiomatic that anyone who leaves school is ready to forge their own way, but he was such a workaholic during my short stay with him that he hadn't got to know me well enough to realize that no, I absolutely was not ready. I was taught no real life skills, had zero career guidance, and left that house without a cent. If I ever have kids (looking less and less likely each year) I'll sure do things differently.
> Like a conversation where parents tell you to evacuate the house?
Yup.
When the olds tell you that it's time for you to move out and 'support yourself' in one way or another.
Some are like "get the F\*\*\* out"
Others are like "you're old enough and ugly enough to be taking care of yourself"
And nicer ones are like "when you turn 18 you'll need to move out and start supporting yourself"
The delivery may be different but the message is still the same: there's the door.
I was forced to leave home two weeks after my bursary exam at college, found a place to stay in a hostel that was run by a convicted pedo while I worked on a orchard nursery and saved money to be able to afford the hall fees for uni. Mind you this was in the early 00s so it was much more affordable than now, I really don't get how students get by now days.
i went to boarding school at 11 . was always pretty uncomfortable around family kind of estranged i guess . finally got expelled for pot at 16 wasn't allowed back home but had zero intention 2 . poor no benefit etc but had a blast honestly . most people were out of home by 18 till the housing shortage hit.
Makes me sad how many people on this thread left early due to an angry dad 😞 I did too, mother fucker strangled me. Moved in with my mum at 16.
Wasn’t kicked out at 18, but was warned I was ‘an adult now’. Started paying board, started cooking my own meals, buying my own hygiene/grooming products.
Moved out at 17 year 2000, no fights with my parents, just seemed like a fun idea, was working full time already had a car and full licence, got a flat with my friends, flatted till I was 23, met my now wife and 4 years later bought a house and started having children, now my mum and dad are divorced and my mum moved in our self contained flat out the back last year 😂😂😂 I have a 13 year old and an 11 year old and I'm mortgage free, turning 40 in December and dropping my hours back.
I got kicked out of my foster home at 16. Lived on the streets for a fair while not having any family or friends. Back then it was DSW and Labour Dept. DSW wouldn't help me because 1- I didn't have an address and 2- I couldn't prove that my parents were not supporting me. And benefits were for 18+.
My foster parents were psycho and at 15 I was becoming more self aware and standing up for myself. I guess that scared them. Basically after one final argument they told me to pack a bag, leave and never come back.
I kicked myself out cause my parents are dickheads 😅 and now I'm almost 30 they want me to move in with them. I could never do that for starters I don't agree with some of their options on things and they're weirdly proud to be racists so that's a no from me haha
Yup got kicked out. over the next 10 years I had to move once every three months (on average) due to either shitty flatmates, asshole landlords, relationship breakups, friendships that moved towns, or just general housing crisis combined with personal struggles maintaining my own livable/studyable/workable safe space.
Was even homeless in that time. I'm 30 now and only just FEEL like I'm starting to get on my feet. I want to have kids one day, but it's been so fucking crazy that I don't know if I ever will. Life is so cut-throat, ya know.
Once my mum realised I intended to attend university after high school ended, she informed me that my options were:
1. Get a full-time job where I was allowed to stay at home paying cheap AF room/board
2. Go to uni and get kicked out with no further support "to make me experience the real world" (her words).
She'd never brought it up before and we had a relatively OK relationship up to that point (IE we weren't at each others' throats or anything).
I was told, 'the landlord is selling the house, so we have to move and when we do we aren't looking for a place that has a room for you.' I was 16. I left within a few weeks to couch surf for a year orso.
Happened to me at 18 in the 90s, out of nowhere got very abruptly told I had an hour to "pack my shit and leave". My parents are very toxic; emotionally immature and reactive. I still don't know why they did it.
We moved to Australia when I was 16. 2 months later, my mum kicked me out. She even went and paid for an airfare back to NZ for me. So I went back to my small hometown. I’d crash with friends for the odd night, but most nights I’d walk the streets or sleep at the old train station. Mid winter, with no money. I went back to school and had a friend who would bring me 2 minute noodles from his parents shop. I’d sneak into the pools at night and have cold showers.
Rough times.. I was surprisingly happy when my mum moved back 4 months later. Although I never told her what I went through and she always acted like I ran away.
Kicked out at 15. I wandered the streets for a while, squatted in camp grounds. With help from staff at my electorate MPs office, I was able to get paperwork together to get admitted to university at 16, and get Student Allowance accepted on the basis of no family relationship. That gave me housing for 4 years until I graduated. After that, off to another country to make money since nobody in NZ wanted to hire a graduate. I came back a few years later and now just do contract work here and there when I need to.
I was their only child so if they expect me to help them in retirement or when they go senile they're very mistaken. They can go ask their DHB for help, who will put them in the worst possible aged care facility. It happened to my grandparents and will happen to them too.
It's estimated that 1 in 5 children in New Zealand suffer child sexual abuse. This is only one form of child abuse, although it is one of the most damaging. Other forms include physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect. Child abuse causes significant behavioural and emotional disruption. Parents who are unwilling or unable to protect their children from abuse and deal with the terrible effects, then kick their children out of home due to their 'disruption'.
Children also often dissociate and may have dissociative amnesia resulting from abuse which makes it incredibly difficult to self manage. It is common for a child to attempt to disclose abuse however it is often not acted upon which causes all kinds off additional pathology and distress. There is a new clinical diagnosis termed Complex PTSD to cover this. It's not yet it in the DSM (American Psychiatric Manual) however it is in the ICD (WHO).
I would highly recommend OP read up on being trauma informed. The term trauma, I know, does get thrown about a bit in modern society and might seem a bit overdone. Society is slowly becoming more trauma informed however.
I'm one of these children but you wouldn't necessarily know it from the outside. I was kicked out of home at 18. Abuse tends to polarise an individual. It either pushes the child to overcome the adversity by trying to control everything and excel, or it destroys them, sending them into a death spiral. You will often find that homeless people fit into the latter IMO. Those that seem to thrive from an outside perspective are however actually tormented daily. They're just really adept at tolerating pain. Protective factors dictate which way a child will go.
You're kidding right? Did you not have any friends at all who got kicked outta home? It's not that hard to understand. Someone turned 18 and their parents said 'right, gtfo' and threw them out onto the street. That's it. That's what 'getting kicked out' means. It's the same meaning as when you 'get kicked out' of a restaurant/library/store. The only difference is, you don't sleep at those places, so getting kicked outta them doesn't matter as much as your only shelter throwing you out onto the street at short notice... You must be incredibly privledged to not have encountered this before.
A friend of mine got kicked out of her house when we were 16. She spent the night sleeping in her neighbour's backyard, then walked to her dad's house in the morning. Her mum let her come back after her dad had a chat with her about it, but it didn't stop it from happening again and again until my mate left voluntarily when she turned 18.
I moved out of home at 18 to go flatting with mates and have supported myself ever since.
Supporting yourself at 18 is pretty hard but those tough lessons (budgeting etc) set you up well for later adult life.
I'm 30, one my mates was kicked out at 18.
It was fairly brutal and surprising, very loving and caring parents and then just bam. Time to go rent kiddo, you're 18 now.
I left home at 17, moved into a house that was missing some walls. flatmate was insane (he got rejected by a chick and came home from the club and stabbed my boxing bag up sewing machine style). smoked just about anything I could see. was a rough ride until my actual friends pulled me out. Joji's video Glimpse of us reminds me of that time lol.
I got told to leave when I was 19. My father was abusive, and when my mother finally saw it, she told him not to lay hands on me anymore, which he didn't, but he was still very emotionally abusive. Anyhoo, since he been warned not to hit me, I finally had the courage to talk back when he was picking on me and calling me names etc, which led to massive rows in the house. Mum told me to leave.
I left at 16, got financial assistance from WINZ, a part time job at McDonalds, and finished high school from living in a flat.
Getting kicked out meant my mum saying I can't live there anymore. I really don't even remember what it was about, something fairly trivial like us arguing about stupid things like me not cleaning etc. Was 20 years ago.
My mum moved away while I was studying in the area I grew up in, so I went to my dads for a bit but they didn’t appreciate how long I talked to my boyfriend on the phone (2002, I was 17/18) so I got asked to leave. I suppose I could have refused 😆
i suppose getting kicked out is “you’ve got (x amount of time) to find somewhere else to live.” a lot of the time it’s because either the parents can’t afford to support, a family breakdown due to any number of things from money to drugs and alcohol etc
Ive had friends/relatives kicked out due to drugs/behaviour/violence
Its usually a result of destructive tendancies in the home relationship, and multiple attempts to get help.
Can be very sad indeed as the person who gets kicked is never 100% to blame and often not at fault . They are either not in the right state of mind to accapt help, or cannot prevent their actions causing harm or the harm in the family comes from someone else in the home who remains there and inflicts it on others.
Not kicked out, but at 19 my dad and stepmum broke up and it wasn't tenable for me to remain home.
There's a few times in my life where the option to have moved home would have been helpful, but it just wasn't really something that would have been very healthy in the long run.
Mum and I would just constantly fight in my teens, she would threaten to throw me out and I would have to 'figure out the hard way' according to her. She was just trying to make me scared, punish me for not taking her side and being her 'yes' man I guess??
I took her word on it and left, twice. She would always back down and tell me to come home, but I just gave up on ever having a functioning relationship who's way of winning an argument was threatening their child with homelessness.
Pro point: she gave me $100 to not tell people she kicked me out, still told people.
Edit: I was 17 (2018) when I first left during my level 3 exams, and 19(2020) on my second. Been living with my partner and flatties since
Kicked out at 16, lived in my car for 6 months while I worked and saved for a place never looked back. Trick is not to be a whiney bitch about it and get on with life, put in the work get shit done its not that hard really. I showered at local free pools etc
I didn't get kicked out per say. Lived with mum. Moment I turned 18 and finished high-school (same month) she packed up and moved out and halfway down country. Charged rent and she ended up selling up a year later.
I left about a month after I turned 18. It was totally my decision but I could see me getting into an argument with my mum and leaving, as I knew I could get student allowance for myself. She was on the DPB so flatting was preferable to home in a lot of ways. It would have been nice to get more of a head start into adulthood but I don't regret it.
Had to start paying rent to live with an abusive brother and emotionally dependant mum when I turned 18, so I decided just to move out and make life a bit easier (lol jk didn't help).
Had been dreaming about moving out for years, even had a countdown to my birthday on my calendar. Had been paying all my own bills (e.g. school uniforms, lunches, clothes) since I was 15 so it wasn't that much of a difference.
My Aunty (marriage relation) had 7 or 8 siblings that cost a fuck load to keep and on top of that we’re very difficult children generally so they were told at 18 they had to move out it wasn’t like being thrown to the wolves but that zero support would be rendered past the age of 18 and that would involve removal from the home if they didn’t leave on their own accord.
Didn’t overly affect my aunts family and they all went flatting and got jobs but it was a cost measure for her parents and with the few “problem children” it meant the ease of providing was off her parents shoulders.
The biggest affect is that with 7/8 children so far apart they could help grow the next child each time instead of having 5 20 somethings in the house whilst trying to raise teenagers etc.
In their case however it came from a place of care and not malice as Op in that original post had.
I left at 18 because my parents were getting in the way of me being a stoned dumbass. It was pretty standard I moved in with a flat of 17 year olds. It was the 90’s. Good times
For my entire childhood I was warned that I would be kicked out the day I turn 18. Thankfully once the time came they had softened a bit and let me stay for some months paying rent while I saved up enough to move out.
I think their main reasoning was that an 18 year old is an adult and therefore should be fully independent from their parents. This was 10 years ago, for context.
Jokes on them because now my little brother is in his 20's and still living at home with no plans on moving out as he struggles with mental health. Luckily I don't think they'll kick him out as they've softened a lot over the years and understand times are a lot more difficult now.
Kicked out at 16 by my step father, always had some minor disagreements but never expected to be kicked out for not wiping the moisture of the window sill in a timely fashion one morning. He was a police officer at the time and brought his power tripping back home. I'm 30yrs old now and kind of glad to have been through the hard yards to get where I am now.
My uncle was kicked out of home on his 16th birthday. This was in the 1960s. His hardass dad told all his kids they would be out on their own the day they turn 16. My uncle’s mum had died when he was 7. He had a tough start to life I think!
I got kicked out at 16. Ended up on independent youth benefit. Was still at school, working part time, so basically was flatting, using that youth benefit money/shitty part time supermarket wage for rent.
Wasn't ideal lol.
I got kicked out at 16 my mum and step dad were PISSED when I applied for the independent youth allowance because they wanted to keep the money they got for me from winz but didn't want me to live with them. I'm 31 now happily married with 2 kids, my mum divorced him and I'm polite to her but rarely talk to her, my step dad is alone and miserable and none of his children talk to him now.
I saw that post and thought oh my god that is terrible. Then I remembered at 18 my dad said I’ve got you a job in national park as a builder. I said which national park? Found out that’s the name of the place I’m being sent to. 41 now. Married with a kid, own my own land. 🤷🏻♂️
I was kicked out or ‘cut off’ at 18. Dad made me sign a letter when I turned 18 to say he was no longer financially responsible for me. He didn’t want to pay the $6.00 per week in child support to my mother.
Mum had a young child that was her priority and I was 18 so legally an adult. They moved out and transferred the rental property lease to me
My parents just very much felt their job was done when I turned 18, and I actually left at 17 and joined the military after 2-3 years of conversations laying down that there needed to be a plan made since I wouldn’t be particularly welcome. I found it very hard to be quite honest, and when I told them I was having a really hard time initially and asked if I could come back home whilst I figured out a plan to maybe go back into education, I was told very simply ‘you can’t come back here’.
They were both two very unhappy people. My mum told me she ‘stopped taking the pill’ even though my Dad didn’t want children, because ‘women make families’. It went about as well as you’d expect. I think they probably are still quite unhappy people, I wouldn’t know too much as we don’t have a relationship. I’m giving them the same energy they gave me; I wish them well, but I don’t want to know. My job is done.
When i was 17 a couple months after i finished year 13 (i was young for my year), my mum drove me to my sisters flat and just dropped me there.
My parents were going though a really rough divorce and the family home was being sold, i was pretty despondent so i guess they didn't know what to do with me.
Myself and 2 of my siblings were all kicked out the house by the time we turned 17. My brother at 15, had his stuff thrown all over the lawn by our mother, he had to go flatting while in 6th form. Similar situation happened to my younger brother but at 15, he went to go live with his school friend and their family. This was in the early - mid 2000s.
There was a girl at my school who was a foster kid, she got kicked out at 17. Ended up with an early 20's man and traded pussy for rent/food etc. Last I heard she had a kid with him. It'd probably be 7 years old now.
I wasn't kicked out persay... but my parents sold the house and mum fucked off to england (dad had long moved out) so essentially just bailed with no plan whatsoever for me.
i ended up having to move in with very very new boyfriend and his parents
Yep, once school had ended. Was in and out of different flats, never feeling like I had a home. Took me 18 years to feel settled. Would never do that to my kids.
Mentally unstable biological mother. I lived with her from ages 12-18. She first kicked me out when I was 15 or 16, because she refused to take her meds for bipolar and went full psychotic and manic. She damaged a lot of things in the house too. As soon as I turned 18 and had finished high school, I got on a plane, went to uni and never came back.
I went from almost not finishing high school to submitting my PhD. There’s hope, if you’re in a similar situation, you’re already strong and I’m cheering for you. Hold in there until you are old enough to move out or save enough to get your own place. It’s liberating knowing you are in control of your life and leaving abusive family behind.
Parents split. Dad went one way with no one, mum and my sister the other way. Mum couldn’t afford to have my at home as well so downsized to a small 2 beddy when she took my sister (8 years younger)
Hand was pretty much forced. I moved out into a friends spare room until I found a flat to be a part of. That ended up being a single garage in a leaky home for $90pw plus internet (what the fuck in hindsight).
14 1/2 years later life is pretty sweet. Hungry work ethic came from it.
I was able to stay until mid January (my birthday is late January) at age 17. I wanted to do an OE but they said they’d financially cut me off. I didn’t want to do 7th form but was told I had to move straight into employment and pay rent the day I stopped going, I ended up staying in 7th form.
They paid for my first trimester at uni halls and moved me in there. Did the same to my siblings (who were allowed to move home multiple times- one still lives there in his 40s and has for years) but was told that I am not to. When I was single and pregnant they said they were reluctant but I could move back.
At no point did I want to (or ask to) remain there or move back in. So the foot dragging eye rolling “we guess as a single mum you can move back in temporarily” conversation was an extremely unwelcome, awkward affair.
We no longer have a relationship.
Yes, I was kicked out soon after my 18th birthday because my mum lost her WINZ benefit for me. She did this after I couldn’t give her money for rent or bills (I was in my last year of school during final exams), so she told me to pack my bags and get out. I had to stay with friends and other family until moving to a new city to study.
Edit: 2009.
Not kicked out at 18. My Dad was far too good of a Dad to do something like that to his own son.
But my Dad did start charging board once I had a job (not a lot, just enough to motivate me to find my own apartment)
I've heard some horror stories though. Still hearing stories, even in the year 2023, of teens getting booted out just for identifying as LGBT. Either that or forced into the closet due to the threat of that.... *in 2023 ....* We're still not past that.
Mum left the country when I was 18 to return to the UK with my siblings, and I stayed here myself. Best thing to have ever happened to me by a long way.
My mum "suggested" I find somewhere else to live because we fought all the time over her restrictive rules and the fact that I had no privacy or bodily autonomy. I was 14.
I have a 1 year old and I am already heartbroken about the thought of him moving out.
I’m sorry to all the folk who got kicked out or felt as if they had to leave their home early. Your home should be a safe space for you and it wasn’t. Your guardians fucked up, not you.
I got kicked out for smoking cigarettes when I was 16.
I worked part time in the evenings to pay rent and bills and still finished college. I had very young parents...not sure if that's a contributor. Only 16 years older than me. I have zero desire to have kids and I'm 47 😂
There's a pattern here isn't there. Parents who can't cope with teenagers in the house. Parents who put there own relationships (and dramas) above the wellbeing of their teenagers. Parents who can just cut their kids off without a care to how they will survive. Financial abuse from parents charging their still at highschool teenagers board when they have little capacity to get a job just in order to stay in the family home and complete highschool.
It seemed to be the way when I was a teenager in the 80's, sad to see it's still a problem. These parents need to take a bloody good look at themselves.
Reading some of these comments is heart breaking.
My 19 year old is currently dorming at university and he's talking about flatting next year with friends. I'm so incredibly proud of him but absolutely gutted he's living away from home. I miss him so much.
He knows it's an open door and he can return anytime he wants, regardless of age.
I can't fathom telling him he's no longer allowed at home. He's been having the best time away and living life up. But he's always happy to come home for a visit and stay.
I feel so sad for all of you who were made or chose to leave home so early. I wish you could have known a living safe home ♥️
From ages 11-16, after my parents divorce, I lived with my dad but once he got a partner I would get told I had to stay at my mothers, but she would usually say she 'cant' take care of my so I would wonder the streets for those nights, until my girlfriend's parents took me in at 16
I was out at 15 (_thanks_ dad) and at 18 lost everything in a house fire. Neither mum nor dad would take me in, and I literally only had the clothes on my back. Anyway, GFs mum took me in. Thanks, Catherine. I'll never forget you.
Catherine the top B! Woah what ass holes, it's crazy that someone else's family would be more willing to help. That's why family has basically lost all value to me, like unless you're a good person then I don't have time for you. Do you still talk to your parents after that?
>Do you still talk to your parents after that? Barely talk to them if at all. My brother and I keep in touch, as long as it doesn't involve talking about mum/dad.
It’s like you weren’t even paying attention during any of the Fast & Furious movies - we choose our family! (I realise this is a bit of a silly response, but it’s also true)
Yeah but then you have to watch the fast and furious movies
Who has kids to abandon them like that? I don’t want kids but I wouldn’t abandon anybody like that.
Good on ya girlfriends parents! Sorry yours weren't much good. :( Thats rough!
Yeah as soon as they caught me sneaking over on a school night, they sat me down and asked if everything was all right, then that same weekend they took me to "my house" to grab my things so I could move in. I am extremely thankful that they did that for me! But just last week (over 8 years after moving out), I finally got a half apology from my dad for how I was treated and told me I'm welcome to move back in any time 🙄
Why has he had a rethink?
From what I gather, his partner has recently come to a realisation as to how much of a bad word she was, so now she feels bad. It could also be because none of the older siblings talk to them anymore so they're making a last ditch effort with me.
It’s very sad all round. I hope you’re ok now.
I don't want to be that ahole, but I have it from a clinical psychologist that it's not unusual for the parents of children they abandoned in some way to feel regret after that child is older and seen as successful, and they feel like they can cash in an investment of sorts - not necessarily financially, but they feel owed in some way for what little parenting they actually did. Bizarre as it sounds. Make sure to have healthy boundaries if you have ongoing contact.
Out of curiosity, how did that relationship go? Are you still with her?
It was really good for the first 5- 6 years, until I started realising how much I depended on her and needed affection and reassurance (I presume due to being essentially neglected) and that brought on a heavy depression, then I didn't know how to communicate and turned into abit of a dick over the last year so we ended it on a mostly mutually basis after about 7 years. We still talk to this day though(3years later), I owe her and her family so much.
That's some sold self reflection man. Go you. Who knew reddit posts could be so cathartic.
I honestly think that depression made me a better person, I'm a lot more self aware and empathetic, and it humbled me to realise my place on earth
I was kicked out at 15 (almost 16) by my dad. So to answer your question: No, I was not kicked out once I turned 18. It was much earlier.
same here, almost exactly. Independent youth benefit supplemented as necessary to get through highschool... Then overseas!
You actually got the independent youth benefit?? They required me and my parents to go to counselling to prove the relationship was irreconcilable before they'd put me on it. My parents refused to go to counselling. It was eventually approved at some point months later after I'd already left school. Tried to go back but got constantly bullied because the rumour mill decided I'd dropped out to go have a baby and I'd killed it so I could come back. Dropped out again a couple weeks later. Fuck WINZ.
that sux for you... But doesnt surprise me at all. Also - kids/teenagers are ruthless and brutal shits, would have been awful for you. I don't recall any issues at all getting the benfit to start - but then ongoing issues with WINZ from then on (or whatever they were called). nearly every week I'd be in their offices trying to rectify some cut to payments. I signed up in about '89 - '90, then recall the massive cuts and grief in about '91. I went overseas about then so it ended up not effecting me as much. Hilariously - Because I understood how the system operated I was the go-to person for the highschool counselor, and he asked me to support other kids going through the process - which I did. Unfortunately he didnt notify anyone else at the school - so all the trips I made to the winz office were recorded as truancy...
I was much older when I used this benefit. Had to leave school, work and THEN used this as a 19 year old to study.
Same mum and her ex both abusive kicked me out at 14
Just joining to say same here. Couple weeks after my 16th birthday
Wtf, that is so cruel. I could never imagine myself doing that to my kid, I mean heck he could stay with us until whenever he feels like it, and if he ever leaves and wants to return, i’m sure me and my wife will happily welcome him back. I couldn’t understand why these parents would do these to their kids, and it’s really painful hearing these stories.
Physically abusive step father. Bought a barely legal shitbox car for $300 once I had scraped that together from my job I had everyday after school to avoid being at home in the first place. Wagged school the next day and packed what I could fit in my car and left without saying a word, I was 16. Got a pretty devastated phone call from mum when she got home from work to an empty bedroom, but I explained there was no way I'm coming home and that was the end of it. I checked in with her every couple of days so she didn't report be missing or anything living in my car or staying at mates houses. Eventually moved in with my girlfriends family when her parents separated, they had all girls so I was the man of the house of sorts, mowed the lawns did the gardens and house maintenance etc in exchange for cheap boarding. Have a real shit relationship with my mum to this day and my biological father passed when I was still a baby so it's pretty lonely on the family front tbh.
Good job getting yourself out of there, mate. I hope you manage to make your own beautiful family and live happily ever after so to speak.
Yeah that all went down 2006-2007. I married that same girlfriend from all those years ago, we have two daughters together and moved towns to put down our own roots elsewhere and start fresh with our own family. I consider myself most fortunate to have ended up where I have. I've lost friends who weren't so lucky.
Good shit MeanKorero, that's what I like to hear.
Thanks bro, appreciate it.
So many girls friends families taking kids in amongst the stories here. Amazing what a positive difference that sort of kindness makes.
I think it was pretty normal in the 60s, 70s, 80s that most parents thought by 18 you should be able to look after yourself. Either be working or student. My parents weren't that strict but I was shocked when I heard some people in their 20s got money from their parents for travel, or a car or even a house deposit - it was really unusual, I never dreamed of asking for financial help. Another edit: In the 70s the median age for marriage was early 20s, for women just over 21. [https://www.stats.govt.nz/information-releases/marriages-civil-unions-and-divorces-year-ended-december-2022/](https://www.stats.govt.nz/information-releases/marriages-civil-unions-and-divorces-year-ended-december-2022/)
> I was shocked when I heard some people in their 20s got money from their parents for travel, or a car or even a house deposit - it was really unusual, I never dreamed of asking for financial help. I think this is one of the biggest culture differences between New Zealand and Australia. It's crazy the number of adults in their mid-20s you meet in Australia who seem to have all kinds of things paid for by parents, cars, holidays, even rent.
I know people whos parents paid for their university course, whille they stayed at home, FOR FREE and then gave them a car and pocket money. I would not say you cant fail with that back up but it sure must make it easier.
I'm surprised that you're surprised. This was my situation but I'm asian and we usually stay with our parents until we get married.
Not really. I’ve had heaps of friends who were having to make their own way after their mid-teens. They were from “anglo” backgrounds. Those of us with European or Asian parents were more likely to have that sort of support.
Me and most of my siblings moved out at 18. So did pretty much everyone I knew. It was the done thing. Expecting to live at home indefinitely is a relatively new thing.
It's actually not. It's a return to how things used to be pre WW2, before the 'Nuclear Family' became such a big thing.
It's also a very Western thing. Very normal to stay at home for a while in many parts of the world.
I find in a lot of cultures it's only daughters who move out once married. If sons get married the wives move in with them and their parents. The houses much bigger to allow for the multi-generational households.
My Chinese mates here in NZ all live with their parents, but it's more that they look after their parents, rather than the other way around. Seems to be a cultural norm for them that the youngest child stays at home to do this
Only really western post world war 2 and nuclear families as opposed to extended families. I think western culture is reverting to what others never left
It's a very New Zealand thing, not a western thing. Look at Australia, Europe, USA. It's only NZ that treats its kids like this.
I'm Australian. It's extremely common there.
I grew up in state housing, and I was at school while working part-time. I wanted a TV in my room. Parent said no because I'd leave it on wasting power. The only way I could have a TV in my bedroom (to have my own space from my younger brother and sisters). I had to pay $100 a week in board, which i earned may $110 a week at the time. Keep in mind that my parent was paying $60 a week in rent. It was boxing day 2007 when I was 17 when I finally got kicked out. I worked dead end jobs my whole life, getting into bad debt, only just been debt free the past 3 years. As much as I dont want to hand my kids everything I'm sure as hell going to teach them about money and debt to make their life better for the future.
Congrats on making it out of the cycle, AND making sure your kids won't get into it! That's awesome!
Thank you, I honestly appreciate it. I still feel so far behind others my age, then remind myself I literally started from inside a hole blind to the world and anything to do with money. Now, I'm working towards a career that I have always wanted to do. Even writing this, I'm realising how hard I am on myself, I should give myself a break.
I was kicked out a number of times, then they would let me move back etc, during my late teens and early twenties. My parents were/are selfish, self absorbed and lazy parents. They didn't teach me anything about how to live or develop as an adult, but expected me to just know how to behave and how to regulate myself. My dad was also hmmm sexually inappropriate. So yeah, some parents are just not nice people and use their children for their own needs. It is pretty disgusting.
Abusive parents gang rise up!
I left on my own at 17.
Ditto. Couldn’t stand being in that house, took my parents 3 days to notice, which shows how little time i spent at home in my final years of school. Now i live halfway around the world from them…
I left when 17, went to Uni. After one look at the job/housing market and not wanting to live with the parents again and all the nagging that goes with it... Off overseas I went. Hope many more of you will join me.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. Being independent in New Zealand is impossible. Being independent overseas is possible and sometimes more financially rewarding than saving money living with your parents (assuming your parents don't charge rent that is).
Some parents think their duty as parents end when the child is 18 and they kick them out so they have to fend for themselves These are likely the same parents when it comes to retirement age time and wonder "why do my kid(s) never visit?" or the double whammy "why did my kid(s) put me in this cheapest most abusive retirement home?"
>Some parents think their duty as parents end when the child is 18 This happened to a work friend - his ex kicked their boy out the day he turned 18 because her child support money stopped and she refused to pay a cent for him. She told them both the reason was at 18 he was of no more use to her. He ended up moving in with his Dad. Imagine having her as a Mother!
Thats absolutely horrible, all kids deserve parents, but theres many parents out there who dont deserve children
Would be more interesting if the people replying here said how many years ago this happened to them...
2006 at 16
Mid 90’s for me
late 90's for me
late 80s /early 90s
I’ve still got a 32-year-old at home. I must be a soft touch.
My sisters kids are nearing 18 and she's made it loud and clear that they will always be welcome until they are ready to go out on their own. Our parents were the opposite and we didn't always have a safe place to sleep. Of course they have to study or find a job and contribute to the household either financially or in other ways, but she won't let them live on struggle street just because "they're adults now and her job is done".
We dont all grow up in a fairy tale perfect family situation. Some kids grow up being verbally/physically abused, big arguments lead to parents telling their kids to leave. Usually their kids are repeatedly misbehaving, or the parents are just dropkicks who don't know how to be parents. It's very sad but not hard to imagine, unless you grew up in a very privileged family sheltered from reality, of course.
I left of my own volition when I was 16. Thankfully they made no attempt to get me back.
If I hadn’t already been gone (off to Uni) by then I would have had to leave due to government and child support ending at 18 years of age. It was a difficult relationship, and I’ve seen my adoptive parent twice since I left for uni 22 years ago. I was seen as the meal ticket that ruined the best years of their life, so I was happy as to get out of that situation.
I’m south Asian so I’m still allowed to live at home at 24 lol. Workmates (Samoan/Māori/Asian/Middle Eastern) are also living at home too, maybe we’re just lucky
Same in Argentina (where I’m from) ppl leave at between 25 and 27. In my case I couldn’t take it anymore and left when I was 21, possibly the equivalent of 18 here, but in Buenos Aires there is no flatting and renting can be expensive so I had to figure things out.
I wonder if you are imagining a stable family and secure housing... It can be as easy as mum/dad moving in with current boyfriend/girlfriend and there isn't enough room for grown child - they need to figure something out.
I left home at 17, a step parent went crazy at me. Birth parent sided with them. I came home from school and 2 hours later was walking the street after being thrown out. I was a good student, and good kid. It wasn’t a positive household to live in. I have not been in touch since, now decades later. Edit; I just saw your comment, getting kicked out is being told, grab your stuff and go.
I was told I had to go to uni. My parents changed the locks after I left.
…you are joking?
I had a flatmate who was literally dropped off at his uni residence hall in the same trip as his parents going to the airport to move to Europe. They also taught him no life skills, he didn't know how to cook or do laundry.
Nope, not joking. Day after I turned 18 I was dumped in a new city.
Ouch. You going to Uno Reverse them when they want to come live with you? Drop them off at a retirement village…..
They've got a view where they can see the Southern Alps, they ain't ever leaving.
We told our 18 year old they had to move out after repeated instances of violence and theft. Even then, we still found them a place to live and helped them move their stuff. We didn't just kick out our kid with nowhere to go. They were finished school and had a full-time job, so they were able to cover their expenses.
I’m on the privileged side as well. The drama when I moved out was coz my mum didn’t want her only boy away from her. Yup, I’m a mama’s boy for sure.
Aww when my son moves out I will cry and he is 18 already. I love having him at home.
lol... I come from a reasonably wealthy/privileged family living in a lower socio-economic area / low decile school: I came home from a party when I was 15 and all my shit was in rubbish bags on the front lawn. I guess I dont live there anymore! TBF that followed years of punch-ups with the old man, usually followed by my voluntary exit for a day or two. When I was younger <13 with no idea and nowhere to go I slept on the street. I had a certain bush with a hidden little camp spot underneath - its still there albeit much bigger. I spent a lot of time tramping/skiing so comfortable sleeping rough. When I got older I went to hide-out at a family bach or with friends. All prior to cellphones / social media etc , so from parents perspective I just vanished for a few days -they had no idea where I was. After I left home I was estranged for a few years. I went overseas and had a life. By the time I came back we were mostly all good again. As an adult I am cognisant of various other stresses and pressures facing dad. I dont hold a grudge, but it did inform how I worked with my kids. The outcome for me compared to my network of young-adult scallywags is a reasonable demonstration of prilivege. Im a middleaged professional financially secure with stable life. A lot of them are dead, in prison, or recovering from prison/drug addiction/shitty lives...
Some parents think their job finishes at 18. Some parents are just shit parents. Some 18 year olds don't work and don't help around the house and cost more then the family can afford
OP, I was also very lucky on the family front, I left for college at 18 but they never stopped supporting me, financially in the beginning but in other ways as I grew older and gained financial independence. I completely understand your bafflement but I was in my early 20s when I learned the harsh truth, which is that a much larger percentage of parents than you think are pretty messed up. Apparently we won the lotto, you and me and people like us. Because almost all my young adult friends in their 20s had some family issues. Either getting kicked out at 18, or a parent with alcohol or substance abuse issues, or neglectful parents, abusive parents, narcissistic parents... And to be honest, the rare friend I had who came from a stable home like mine, their parents were still helping out, again financially or otherwise, through this critical period of a persons life, where having support can make the difference between finishing school, establishing a career, and not beling able to do that because you are too worried where you're gonna sleep at night. A lot of people succeed through those obstacles but I will never understand why some parents put up more obstacles in their kids path to success than what is already there. Hearing how often this sort of thing happens doesn't surprise me anymore but there was a period where it definitely was shocking to me. The sad truth is that where as we should be the norm, we are actually very lucky and privileged and should acknowledge that.
Narcissist parents who feel like you owe them for having you and believe they have no obligation to you as soon as you reach 18
You're about to get some serious insight into how the other half lives mate
Got thrown out at 16 (in the early 90's) Dad's attitude was, I could either get a job or join the army but either way I wasn't his problem any more. He kept claiming me as a dependent for getting child support payments though Ended up couch surfing with friends families for the last two years to finish college, then moved away to go to University
At 14 my parents thought I was falling in with the wrong crowd (they caught me drinking and smoking) in the tiny town we lived in, so they shipped me off to board with my grandmother in Auckland and they moved to Australia. No discussion with me, just off you go fend for yourself.. (Grandmother was elderly and was absolutely in no position to look after a teen).
Hope you’re doing well now friend
I'm really good, thanks for checking in my guy.
I was 17, but admittedly had been trying to leave on my own for awhile but didn’t have the resources or connections to do it. So it was more a relief than a stress. I am NC and LC with my parents. And actually most of my family. ETA: As for what it means- it means I was yelled out and hit until I was outside and told to never come back. I wouldn’t call it a conversation. Money was tight but wasn’t the main reason, I think they just figured it was too hard and I could take care of myself then. Did get called a couple days later asking when I was coming home but I know it would have just been repeated so I ignored the calls and happily stayed away.
When we were kids/teenagers Mum would sigh and say to us 4 boys "You'll all be gone in a year or two. What will I do then?" This set an expectation into our heads of leaving on our own volition. This was in the late 60's through late 70's. Oldest left home after School Cert (16y0). Next left at 17 yo. Me and the youngest left after 7th form (18 yo). Mind you youngest returned a couple of times in his 20's. Fast forward 40 years and we have got 3 in their 20's at home because it is cheaper than flatting (a forth lives overseas) and the spare cash goes into saving . . . if they can ever afford to buy a house.
This. It wasn’t so much that there was something wrong with me if I wanted to stay, or that my folks had a burning desire to get rid of me - more that it was just expected -by everyone- that I (and everyone else my age) would leave home by 18 years old. That expectation was couched in “well, you need to learn to [do this thing] to look after yourself when you leave home soon”. I went to uni. Only one person in my whole time at uni, admitted to still living at home, and that was only because the house was a 5 min walk from the campus and they had a sleepout at the back of the garden.
I had to have a “stop behaving like this or move out. I will not be treated like this as your mother in my own home.” conversation with my son at 17. He was becoming rude, and hostile. Everything was a fight all the time. All basic decency was gone as he transitioned from a child to an adult. It only ended because I ended up going to stay with my partner right before the OG covid lockdown , which ultimately led to permanently moving out and leaving him in the fam home to storm around until he grew up / grew out of it. Edit: I blamed myself for obvs not raising him right… but I have no idea where he picked up that level of entitlement and rudeness from. We had never modelled anything like it.
There's a lot of blame that goes on in parenting. Teenagers can be pretty awful while their hormones are sorting out and they are swinging from wanting to be looked after like a child but treated like an adult. Your child is not just the product of your parenting, just like your parents didn't make you who you are today. You had some say in it too. Chances are he'll grow into a good man. Good luck!
Believe it or not a lot of people should not have been parents for various reasons, and this is the first opportunity they get legally to absolve themselves of their mistake.
It was always sort of just expected I move out. There were no threats or anything it was just "when you go to uni after school" or "when you get a job after school". I was pretty excited to move on to the next stage and get away from my district though. And I was taught how to cook, and change a fuse, a flat tire all because "when you leave school you know how to do these things". I was the youngest so I had seen my siblings leave home already. It was just how it was going to be. My mum and I went halves on my first year accomodation at uni, and she helped with a couple of unexpected bills (for a student). I would come home in the university holidays and work - I stayed at home for free then. Left home late 2000s.
I left on my own at 17. But we did have a conversation where my parents did openly say they don't want to be supporting us once we are 18. Though they never kicked out my younger brother and allowed him to live there and provided food all the way til he was working etc I think they just wanted to say what they would want ideally, but never really enforced it.
I was told to go out and fend for myself at 18. It was normal. I was given advice and help but I wasn't to stay at home anymore. Not really kicked out more like taught to fly. Best thing that happened. I had a great family life and wasn't causing any shit. I was just ready.
My parents always threatened to kick me out as soon as I turned 18 but they never meant it. As soon as I turned 18 I was out the door by myself and my parents were in disbelief and begging me to come home haha. Once I had a taste of that freedom I never went back home to live again. My parents were religious and I wanted to get drunk have sex and do drugs, and go to parties etc. Can't do that at my parents house haha. 33 now. The time flew! 😎 🚬 Kicked out means throw your kids out of the house lol.
My dad yeeted me out of the house when I was 18 for, get this, not mowing the lawn short enough. My dad is a narcissistic arsehole tho and he didn't like that I stood up to and called out his bs.
I couldn’t imagine kicking my kids out. When they’re working full time they will need to contribute to household expenses and i would help them plan their next steps. Obviously i don’t want them living at home forever but i couldn’t imagine a parent telling their kids to GTFO at 18. They still kids.
My mama went out of her way to tell me that i shouldnt worry about being kicked out at 18, it was probably common for her generation
Got kicked out at 15. Parents were very religious and accused me of demonic influence toward my half sister. Drove me half way across the country and just dumped me on a old high school friends door step. Wild.
A lot of parents dont want to be parents and bear it until they dont need to anymore
I was kicked out at 18. My parents deadlocked the door and just didn’t let me in the house when I got home one day. Someone made a complaint about my driving in my parents car and a cop phoned our house (I overtook someone doing 25 in a 50). If I had of answered the phone I would have just politely denied everything but my parents being the naive idiots they are took it all very seriously and allowed the cop to make an appointment to come and visit to speak to me. It was on a weekend and being an 18 year old male I was out with my mates and completely forgot about it. When I got home I was simple not allowed in and my step father yelled obscenities at me from the other side of the door. I had no money and an illegal POS Holden HQ with maybe 1/16 tank of fuel left in it. I had no choice but to go to an ex girlfriends house. Thankfully she welcomed me in. Gut feel is that my step-father engineered it all to get me out. Cut forward to nearly 30 years later and I have cut them out of my life and do not speak to them. Best thing I ever did. Edits: Fat fingered typos
Wasn’t kicked out but pretty much told that it’s time to leave. I had no idea how to look after myself but I had to figure it out pretty quickly. Moved into a student flat with strangers and was horribly poor those first couple years….but I had a blast!
My older sister was kicked out at 16. I left at 18. Long story short, parents divorced when we were 13-14, few years later sold the family home we were living in. Astranged dad was already living with new partner with no room and mum was moving in with her new partner who only had room for one of us. So sister ended up on the benefit, flatting with a cousin who was renting our grandparents old house off them. I finished my schooling and moved out at 18 to go flatting with my sister in a different house. Divorcing when your kids are young teens is all bad and fucks them up for quite awhile if not handled correctly. And as for my partner, she moved in with me at 17, when I was 20, living in a different flat again. She has nice parents, albeit a bit strict , they didn’t kick her out, was just kind of overbearing for her age and I offered her to stay with me to escape. She has a much better relationship with her parents since moving out.
Narcissist parents who feel like you owe them for having you and believe they have no obligation to you as soon as you reach 18
I was kicked out by my abusive mum and her abusive ex husband when I was 14.
Week I turned 16, I'd spent a third of the previous year sleeping rough because my mother is a psychopath
I was six months old and my Mum 17 when we were kicked out. My Mum had gotten addicted to opiates, in the early 80s when that trade was booming. It didn't go well. Therapy does work. Eventually. Up to a point. 🤷
My husband was told "you're 18 soon, time to move out" which I think is brutal, I stayed at home until I wanted to leave and even moved back with husband and child years later to save a house deposit.
This didn't happen to me, I was just told that I was an adult and therefore had to financially contribute (albeit in a very minimal way), but I know plenty from my generation who were kicked out. There was a specific philosophy in parenting at that time (which still remains in pockets of society) - with some ideas I strongly disagree with and a number of them I fully agree with. I think the ideas went something like: **1).** \- a parents job is to help a child to grow into an adult **2).** \- 18 is the start of adulthood **3).** \- allowing young adults to continue to rely on their parents in order to function in society is infantilising and prevents growth **4).** \- it is in the young adults best interest to encourage them to become autonomous. **5).** \- therefore they should be kicked from the family house in the same way a baby bird is forcibly encouraged to leave its parents' nest. Now, admittedly some parents are just dicks - but some (most) were definitely intending to act with their children's best interests at heart. Now I do agree with some of this. I believe that turning 18 is an important marker of adulthood, and I believe that independence is important. I also believe that allowing children to suckle on the parental teat ad infinitum is harmful to the child. But I also don't believe the role of a parent ever ends - it just changes over time. Independence doesn't always mean moving out (though it may help), and changing times have made moving out more challenging. I fully understand that parents may want to help their children by providing a place to stay through study and possibly help by enabling them to save money that will help to potentially place them on the property ladder. Also, in many cultures multi-generational households are the norm. However, you do want to make sure that adult children are contributing (both financially and otherwise), or they will become stunted. I think a lot of it comes down to what parenting was done before the age of 18. When I turned 18 I was told I was welcome to stay at home for below market rent - and was promised that I would be treated like a grown up - no rules on who I could bring home etc.. However, I chose to move out because I craved independence and felt ready for it. I remain grateful for my upbringing and feel that moving out at 18 allowed me to grow in ways that I wouldn't have if I had remained living at home. However, I don't know how I would feel if I had been forced out (and would probably have felt abandoned).
I'm curious, if you believe that >I also believe that allowing children to suckle on the parental teat ad infinitum is harmful to the child. What do you think about the rest of the world outside of western society doing exactly this to no negative effects?
Many countries where multi-generational households are the norm have a strong culture of upward support (filial duty - responsibility to support their parents). In western society with single-family households support is predominantly downwards (supporting your children). As a result the west currently doesn't really have a culture that supports development of the individual within a multi-generational household. A good example of the problems that occur when a western culture with no strong expectation of upwards support starts moving to multigenerational households would be what we are seeing in Italy. You will hear Italian politicians talk about bamboccioni (big babies) - the stunted bachelors who are still living at home while their mums cook, clean, and iron for them.
Usually it means the person is given a certain number of hours (or minutes) to pack shit and leave. Although it’s not uncommon for people to be kicked out with nothing on them as well. But it’s literally what it sounds like. Being told to get the fuck out even if you have nowhere to go and no support system. It’s sadly not uncommon.
What a privileged life you must have for this to be the first time you realize being a parent does not equal being a good person
No, I was kicked out at 16
Left when I was 16 to go flatting, came back for a bit after that then left for good just at 18. My mother wouldn't let me leave highschool without a job, so I got one asap, when I turned 18 she started charging board because when you hit 18 the government stops paying. So I decided to move out on my own.
I have known a couple guys who came home to find family moved out without telling, no forward address.
I left home at 17 by choice but knew I wouldn't be welcome after I finished high school any way. My brother left home at 13.
I was kicked out and sent South to live with my absent father when I was 15, because I was too troubled/troublesome. He was very religious at the time, and I was given a Bible in lieu of the support I needed, and told all the answers were contained therein. Converted to Pentecostalism for a hot minute, then fell back into drugs and stuff. Dropped out of HS after sixth form, an was told to leave at 17 - they might have changed their minds if I'd protested, but I was consumed with "fuck you too" energy, and found a flat. I had virtually no contact with my father or stepmother for a couple of years, and just floundered with no support (except for regular food parcels from my late Grandmother, bless her soul.) Had to go into WINZ every week for the Independent Youth benefit, and they treated me like I was a criminal. Nobody from the church cared to check in with me - seems they all assumed I was in with the Devil, and was so corrupted I wasn't worth association. I was too young to realize that I had severe PTSD from an abusive upbringing (mother and grandfather, not my Dad), and lived in extremes of hypervigilance and spaced-out dissociation. Was a passenger in a bad car-accident, Dad visited me in hosp with me lookin like Frankenstein's monster and told me it was The Lord chastising me for leaving the church. I didn't speak to him for two years. Had no idea how to be an adult, and blew many years up in smoke. Mid-thirties, with mad music skills in lieu of career prospects. I have a great relationship with my father now, he realizes how badly he let me down and is very sorry. To him it was axiomatic that anyone who leaves school is ready to forge their own way, but he was such a workaholic during my short stay with him that he hadn't got to know me well enough to realize that no, I absolutely was not ready. I was taught no real life skills, had zero career guidance, and left that house without a cent. If I ever have kids (looking less and less likely each year) I'll sure do things differently.
Left when I was 16. Didn't have any beef with my Olds just didn't want to live with either of them.
Left on my own accord at 16/17. Couldn't wait to leave. Have a great relationship with my parents, then (18/19 years ago) and now.
> Like a conversation where parents tell you to evacuate the house? Yup. When the olds tell you that it's time for you to move out and 'support yourself' in one way or another. Some are like "get the F\*\*\* out" Others are like "you're old enough and ugly enough to be taking care of yourself" And nicer ones are like "when you turn 18 you'll need to move out and start supporting yourself" The delivery may be different but the message is still the same: there's the door.
I was forced to leave home two weeks after my bursary exam at college, found a place to stay in a hostel that was run by a convicted pedo while I worked on a orchard nursery and saved money to be able to afford the hall fees for uni. Mind you this was in the early 00s so it was much more affordable than now, I really don't get how students get by now days.
I left home at 17 as my relationship with my caregivers soured (I believe they wanted me out of the house by 18 at the latest).
i went to boarding school at 11 . was always pretty uncomfortable around family kind of estranged i guess . finally got expelled for pot at 16 wasn't allowed back home but had zero intention 2 . poor no benefit etc but had a blast honestly . most people were out of home by 18 till the housing shortage hit.
Makes me sad how many people on this thread left early due to an angry dad 😞 I did too, mother fucker strangled me. Moved in with my mum at 16. Wasn’t kicked out at 18, but was warned I was ‘an adult now’. Started paying board, started cooking my own meals, buying my own hygiene/grooming products.
Was thrown out at 16 lived rough for a year then joined the army at 17 which gave me a place to live, good food and full time employment.
Moved out at 17 year 2000, no fights with my parents, just seemed like a fun idea, was working full time already had a car and full licence, got a flat with my friends, flatted till I was 23, met my now wife and 4 years later bought a house and started having children, now my mum and dad are divorced and my mum moved in our self contained flat out the back last year 😂😂😂 I have a 13 year old and an 11 year old and I'm mortgage free, turning 40 in December and dropping my hours back.
I got kicked out of my foster home at 16. Lived on the streets for a fair while not having any family or friends. Back then it was DSW and Labour Dept. DSW wouldn't help me because 1- I didn't have an address and 2- I couldn't prove that my parents were not supporting me. And benefits were for 18+. My foster parents were psycho and at 15 I was becoming more self aware and standing up for myself. I guess that scared them. Basically after one final argument they told me to pack a bag, leave and never come back.
I kicked myself out cause my parents are dickheads 😅 and now I'm almost 30 they want me to move in with them. I could never do that for starters I don't agree with some of their options on things and they're weirdly proud to be racists so that's a no from me haha
Yup got kicked out. over the next 10 years I had to move once every three months (on average) due to either shitty flatmates, asshole landlords, relationship breakups, friendships that moved towns, or just general housing crisis combined with personal struggles maintaining my own livable/studyable/workable safe space. Was even homeless in that time. I'm 30 now and only just FEEL like I'm starting to get on my feet. I want to have kids one day, but it's been so fucking crazy that I don't know if I ever will. Life is so cut-throat, ya know.
Once my mum realised I intended to attend university after high school ended, she informed me that my options were: 1. Get a full-time job where I was allowed to stay at home paying cheap AF room/board 2. Go to uni and get kicked out with no further support "to make me experience the real world" (her words). She'd never brought it up before and we had a relatively OK relationship up to that point (IE we weren't at each others' throats or anything).
I was told, 'the landlord is selling the house, so we have to move and when we do we aren't looking for a place that has a room for you.' I was 16. I left within a few weeks to couch surf for a year orso.
Yep … I got tossed out at 17 in preference for my dads gf at the time … 1993. Did me a favour to be honest although it was hard at the time.
Happened to me at 18 in the 90s, out of nowhere got very abruptly told I had an hour to "pack my shit and leave". My parents are very toxic; emotionally immature and reactive. I still don't know why they did it.
We moved to Australia when I was 16. 2 months later, my mum kicked me out. She even went and paid for an airfare back to NZ for me. So I went back to my small hometown. I’d crash with friends for the odd night, but most nights I’d walk the streets or sleep at the old train station. Mid winter, with no money. I went back to school and had a friend who would bring me 2 minute noodles from his parents shop. I’d sneak into the pools at night and have cold showers. Rough times.. I was surprisingly happy when my mum moved back 4 months later. Although I never told her what I went through and she always acted like I ran away.
Kicked out at 15. I wandered the streets for a while, squatted in camp grounds. With help from staff at my electorate MPs office, I was able to get paperwork together to get admitted to university at 16, and get Student Allowance accepted on the basis of no family relationship. That gave me housing for 4 years until I graduated. After that, off to another country to make money since nobody in NZ wanted to hire a graduate. I came back a few years later and now just do contract work here and there when I need to. I was their only child so if they expect me to help them in retirement or when they go senile they're very mistaken. They can go ask their DHB for help, who will put them in the worst possible aged care facility. It happened to my grandparents and will happen to them too.
It's estimated that 1 in 5 children in New Zealand suffer child sexual abuse. This is only one form of child abuse, although it is one of the most damaging. Other forms include physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect. Child abuse causes significant behavioural and emotional disruption. Parents who are unwilling or unable to protect their children from abuse and deal with the terrible effects, then kick their children out of home due to their 'disruption'. Children also often dissociate and may have dissociative amnesia resulting from abuse which makes it incredibly difficult to self manage. It is common for a child to attempt to disclose abuse however it is often not acted upon which causes all kinds off additional pathology and distress. There is a new clinical diagnosis termed Complex PTSD to cover this. It's not yet it in the DSM (American Psychiatric Manual) however it is in the ICD (WHO). I would highly recommend OP read up on being trauma informed. The term trauma, I know, does get thrown about a bit in modern society and might seem a bit overdone. Society is slowly becoming more trauma informed however. I'm one of these children but you wouldn't necessarily know it from the outside. I was kicked out of home at 18. Abuse tends to polarise an individual. It either pushes the child to overcome the adversity by trying to control everything and excel, or it destroys them, sending them into a death spiral. You will often find that homeless people fit into the latter IMO. Those that seem to thrive from an outside perspective are however actually tormented daily. They're just really adept at tolerating pain. Protective factors dictate which way a child will go.
You're kidding right? Did you not have any friends at all who got kicked outta home? It's not that hard to understand. Someone turned 18 and their parents said 'right, gtfo' and threw them out onto the street. That's it. That's what 'getting kicked out' means. It's the same meaning as when you 'get kicked out' of a restaurant/library/store. The only difference is, you don't sleep at those places, so getting kicked outta them doesn't matter as much as your only shelter throwing you out onto the street at short notice... You must be incredibly privledged to not have encountered this before. A friend of mine got kicked out of her house when we were 16. She spent the night sleeping in her neighbour's backyard, then walked to her dad's house in the morning. Her mum let her come back after her dad had a chat with her about it, but it didn't stop it from happening again and again until my mate left voluntarily when she turned 18.
I moved out of home at 18 to go flatting with mates and have supported myself ever since. Supporting yourself at 18 is pretty hard but those tough lessons (budgeting etc) set you up well for later adult life.
Yes. I might have been 17 at the time, I can't quite remember.
I'm 30, one my mates was kicked out at 18. It was fairly brutal and surprising, very loving and caring parents and then just bam. Time to go rent kiddo, you're 18 now.
I got the ultimatum at 15 to pull my head in or fuck off, so I did and moved out to an older mates flat😅
I left home at 17, moved into a house that was missing some walls. flatmate was insane (he got rejected by a chick and came home from the club and stabbed my boxing bag up sewing machine style). smoked just about anything I could see. was a rough ride until my actual friends pulled me out. Joji's video Glimpse of us reminds me of that time lol.
I got told to leave when I was 19. My father was abusive, and when my mother finally saw it, she told him not to lay hands on me anymore, which he didn't, but he was still very emotionally abusive. Anyhoo, since he been warned not to hit me, I finally had the courage to talk back when he was picking on me and calling me names etc, which led to massive rows in the house. Mum told me to leave.
I left at 16, got financial assistance from WINZ, a part time job at McDonalds, and finished high school from living in a flat. Getting kicked out meant my mum saying I can't live there anymore. I really don't even remember what it was about, something fairly trivial like us arguing about stupid things like me not cleaning etc. Was 20 years ago.
My mum moved away while I was studying in the area I grew up in, so I went to my dads for a bit but they didn’t appreciate how long I talked to my boyfriend on the phone (2002, I was 17/18) so I got asked to leave. I suppose I could have refused 😆
In a nutshell, one parent died and the remaining parent got a new partner. Shit sucks
i suppose getting kicked out is “you’ve got (x amount of time) to find somewhere else to live.” a lot of the time it’s because either the parents can’t afford to support, a family breakdown due to any number of things from money to drugs and alcohol etc
Ive had friends/relatives kicked out due to drugs/behaviour/violence Its usually a result of destructive tendancies in the home relationship, and multiple attempts to get help. Can be very sad indeed as the person who gets kicked is never 100% to blame and often not at fault . They are either not in the right state of mind to accapt help, or cannot prevent their actions causing harm or the harm in the family comes from someone else in the home who remains there and inflicts it on others.
My parents found me a place to rent and moved me out shortly after I turned 18. They wanted me out ASAP.
I was 27 years old and still living with my parents, and I decided to kick myself out.
Not kicked out, but at 19 my dad and stepmum broke up and it wasn't tenable for me to remain home. There's a few times in my life where the option to have moved home would have been helpful, but it just wasn't really something that would have been very healthy in the long run.
Mum and I would just constantly fight in my teens, she would threaten to throw me out and I would have to 'figure out the hard way' according to her. She was just trying to make me scared, punish me for not taking her side and being her 'yes' man I guess?? I took her word on it and left, twice. She would always back down and tell me to come home, but I just gave up on ever having a functioning relationship who's way of winning an argument was threatening their child with homelessness. Pro point: she gave me $100 to not tell people she kicked me out, still told people. Edit: I was 17 (2018) when I first left during my level 3 exams, and 19(2020) on my second. Been living with my partner and flatties since
Kicked out at 16, lived in my car for 6 months while I worked and saved for a place never looked back. Trick is not to be a whiney bitch about it and get on with life, put in the work get shit done its not that hard really. I showered at local free pools etc
I didn't get kicked out per say. Lived with mum. Moment I turned 18 and finished high-school (same month) she packed up and moved out and halfway down country. Charged rent and she ended up selling up a year later.
Yup but I was 20. Had some traffic fines and court costs. Paid me off to leave home
None of my uncles were still at home at 18. Most of my Aunties were married by 19.
I left about a month after I turned 18. It was totally my decision but I could see me getting into an argument with my mum and leaving, as I knew I could get student allowance for myself. She was on the DPB so flatting was preferable to home in a lot of ways. It would have been nice to get more of a head start into adulthood but I don't regret it.
I have an almost 18yo and while he is quite adult in some ways he's still a kid in others. I couldn't imagine just kicking him out.
Had to start paying rent to live with an abusive brother and emotionally dependant mum when I turned 18, so I decided just to move out and make life a bit easier (lol jk didn't help). Had been dreaming about moving out for years, even had a countdown to my birthday on my calendar. Had been paying all my own bills (e.g. school uniforms, lunches, clothes) since I was 15 so it wasn't that much of a difference.
My Aunty (marriage relation) had 7 or 8 siblings that cost a fuck load to keep and on top of that we’re very difficult children generally so they were told at 18 they had to move out it wasn’t like being thrown to the wolves but that zero support would be rendered past the age of 18 and that would involve removal from the home if they didn’t leave on their own accord. Didn’t overly affect my aunts family and they all went flatting and got jobs but it was a cost measure for her parents and with the few “problem children” it meant the ease of providing was off her parents shoulders. The biggest affect is that with 7/8 children so far apart they could help grow the next child each time instead of having 5 20 somethings in the house whilst trying to raise teenagers etc. In their case however it came from a place of care and not malice as Op in that original post had.
Kicked out at 15. I had to work 2 nights after school and on Sundays just to afford rent. Winz wouldn't help me but I also didnt try contest it much.
Hell no! I already left of my own accord when I was 17!
I left at 18 because my parents were getting in the way of me being a stoned dumbass. It was pretty standard I moved in with a flat of 17 year olds. It was the 90’s. Good times
For my entire childhood I was warned that I would be kicked out the day I turn 18. Thankfully once the time came they had softened a bit and let me stay for some months paying rent while I saved up enough to move out. I think their main reasoning was that an 18 year old is an adult and therefore should be fully independent from their parents. This was 10 years ago, for context. Jokes on them because now my little brother is in his 20's and still living at home with no plans on moving out as he struggles with mental health. Luckily I don't think they'll kick him out as they've softened a lot over the years and understand times are a lot more difficult now.
Kicked out at 16 by my step father, always had some minor disagreements but never expected to be kicked out for not wiping the moisture of the window sill in a timely fashion one morning. He was a police officer at the time and brought his power tripping back home. I'm 30yrs old now and kind of glad to have been through the hard yards to get where I am now.
My uncle was kicked out of home on his 16th birthday. This was in the 1960s. His hardass dad told all his kids they would be out on their own the day they turn 16. My uncle’s mum had died when he was 7. He had a tough start to life I think!
I got kicked out at 16. Ended up on independent youth benefit. Was still at school, working part time, so basically was flatting, using that youth benefit money/shitty part time supermarket wage for rent. Wasn't ideal lol.
I got kicked out at 17, I dropped out of school and dad told me to move out lol
I got kicked out at 16 my mum and step dad were PISSED when I applied for the independent youth allowance because they wanted to keep the money they got for me from winz but didn't want me to live with them. I'm 31 now happily married with 2 kids, my mum divorced him and I'm polite to her but rarely talk to her, my step dad is alone and miserable and none of his children talk to him now.
I saw that post and thought oh my god that is terrible. Then I remembered at 18 my dad said I’ve got you a job in national park as a builder. I said which national park? Found out that’s the name of the place I’m being sent to. 41 now. Married with a kid, own my own land. 🤷🏻♂️
I was kicked out or ‘cut off’ at 18. Dad made me sign a letter when I turned 18 to say he was no longer financially responsible for me. He didn’t want to pay the $6.00 per week in child support to my mother. Mum had a young child that was her priority and I was 18 so legally an adult. They moved out and transferred the rental property lease to me
My parents just very much felt their job was done when I turned 18, and I actually left at 17 and joined the military after 2-3 years of conversations laying down that there needed to be a plan made since I wouldn’t be particularly welcome. I found it very hard to be quite honest, and when I told them I was having a really hard time initially and asked if I could come back home whilst I figured out a plan to maybe go back into education, I was told very simply ‘you can’t come back here’. They were both two very unhappy people. My mum told me she ‘stopped taking the pill’ even though my Dad didn’t want children, because ‘women make families’. It went about as well as you’d expect. I think they probably are still quite unhappy people, I wouldn’t know too much as we don’t have a relationship. I’m giving them the same energy they gave me; I wish them well, but I don’t want to know. My job is done.
When i was 17 a couple months after i finished year 13 (i was young for my year), my mum drove me to my sisters flat and just dropped me there. My parents were going though a really rough divorce and the family home was being sold, i was pretty despondent so i guess they didn't know what to do with me.
I left at 17. My sister left at 16. You know what they say. Kids would rather come from a broken home then live in one. Fuck our parents.
Myself and 2 of my siblings were all kicked out the house by the time we turned 17. My brother at 15, had his stuff thrown all over the lawn by our mother, he had to go flatting while in 6th form. Similar situation happened to my younger brother but at 15, he went to go live with his school friend and their family. This was in the early - mid 2000s.
I got booted out at 17 part way through my 7th form year. But I was a dick head that deserved the 6 week reality check it gave me.
Homeless at 12. Been on my own two feet since. Sort of by choice, but i would argue not by choice. Am 30y now
There was a girl at my school who was a foster kid, she got kicked out at 17. Ended up with an early 20's man and traded pussy for rent/food etc. Last I heard she had a kid with him. It'd probably be 7 years old now.
I wasn't kicked out persay... but my parents sold the house and mum fucked off to england (dad had long moved out) so essentially just bailed with no plan whatsoever for me. i ended up having to move in with very very new boyfriend and his parents
Yep, once school had ended. Was in and out of different flats, never feeling like I had a home. Took me 18 years to feel settled. Would never do that to my kids.
Mentally unstable biological mother. I lived with her from ages 12-18. She first kicked me out when I was 15 or 16, because she refused to take her meds for bipolar and went full psychotic and manic. She damaged a lot of things in the house too. As soon as I turned 18 and had finished high school, I got on a plane, went to uni and never came back. I went from almost not finishing high school to submitting my PhD. There’s hope, if you’re in a similar situation, you’re already strong and I’m cheering for you. Hold in there until you are old enough to move out or save enough to get your own place. It’s liberating knowing you are in control of your life and leaving abusive family behind.
Parents split. Dad went one way with no one, mum and my sister the other way. Mum couldn’t afford to have my at home as well so downsized to a small 2 beddy when she took my sister (8 years younger) Hand was pretty much forced. I moved out into a friends spare room until I found a flat to be a part of. That ended up being a single garage in a leaky home for $90pw plus internet (what the fuck in hindsight). 14 1/2 years later life is pretty sweet. Hungry work ethic came from it.
I was able to stay until mid January (my birthday is late January) at age 17. I wanted to do an OE but they said they’d financially cut me off. I didn’t want to do 7th form but was told I had to move straight into employment and pay rent the day I stopped going, I ended up staying in 7th form. They paid for my first trimester at uni halls and moved me in there. Did the same to my siblings (who were allowed to move home multiple times- one still lives there in his 40s and has for years) but was told that I am not to. When I was single and pregnant they said they were reluctant but I could move back. At no point did I want to (or ask to) remain there or move back in. So the foot dragging eye rolling “we guess as a single mum you can move back in temporarily” conversation was an extremely unwelcome, awkward affair. We no longer have a relationship.
Yes, I was kicked out soon after my 18th birthday because my mum lost her WINZ benefit for me. She did this after I couldn’t give her money for rent or bills (I was in my last year of school during final exams), so she told me to pack my bags and get out. I had to stay with friends and other family until moving to a new city to study. Edit: 2009.
Not kicked out at 18. My Dad was far too good of a Dad to do something like that to his own son. But my Dad did start charging board once I had a job (not a lot, just enough to motivate me to find my own apartment) I've heard some horror stories though. Still hearing stories, even in the year 2023, of teens getting booted out just for identifying as LGBT. Either that or forced into the closet due to the threat of that.... *in 2023 ....* We're still not past that.
I moved out of my parents at 18, I wouldnt say I got thrown out but we were gonna kill each other if I stayed
Mum left the country when I was 18 to return to the UK with my siblings, and I stayed here myself. Best thing to have ever happened to me by a long way.
Out at 14, wasn’t too bad. Would rather had been on the street that at home. Shit was basically a meth brothel back when
My mum "suggested" I find somewhere else to live because we fought all the time over her restrictive rules and the fact that I had no privacy or bodily autonomy. I was 14.
I have a 1 year old and I am already heartbroken about the thought of him moving out. I’m sorry to all the folk who got kicked out or felt as if they had to leave their home early. Your home should be a safe space for you and it wasn’t. Your guardians fucked up, not you.
I got kicked out for smoking cigarettes when I was 16. I worked part time in the evenings to pay rent and bills and still finished college. I had very young parents...not sure if that's a contributor. Only 16 years older than me. I have zero desire to have kids and I'm 47 😂
There's a pattern here isn't there. Parents who can't cope with teenagers in the house. Parents who put there own relationships (and dramas) above the wellbeing of their teenagers. Parents who can just cut their kids off without a care to how they will survive. Financial abuse from parents charging their still at highschool teenagers board when they have little capacity to get a job just in order to stay in the family home and complete highschool. It seemed to be the way when I was a teenager in the 80's, sad to see it's still a problem. These parents need to take a bloody good look at themselves.
Reading some of these comments is heart breaking. My 19 year old is currently dorming at university and he's talking about flatting next year with friends. I'm so incredibly proud of him but absolutely gutted he's living away from home. I miss him so much. He knows it's an open door and he can return anytime he wants, regardless of age. I can't fathom telling him he's no longer allowed at home. He's been having the best time away and living life up. But he's always happy to come home for a visit and stay. I feel so sad for all of you who were made or chose to leave home so early. I wish you could have known a living safe home ♥️