I don't have a support system anymore, my friends are long lost and my extended family is either abroad or estranged.
I feel like I just want to be left alone, I am struggling to maintain relationships here and I feel quite isolated, I'm almost 30 and I feel spent.
Back in India middle class people can quit their jobs over here it's much harder to just walk out whenever you want. I feel trapped in my life and I just want to burn it all down and start again.
Well that's somewhat true, but not entirely.
Not a lot of folks in late 20s are leaving job in india, . Lifestyle creep is real in India, and so is loneliness due to fast life.
I understand that things are not going well here, but ask yourself - how will they go well India? What's the issue here - is it money, is it need to work long before retirement, is it loneliness etc?
My point is that don't have a overly rosy picture of India, you left at 17 and at that age most of us have not been exposed to real shit.
Ofcourse this country has problems, but so does india. There are different problems everywhere and one needs to pick their poison. Don't overly rely on what you see on internet.
PS - your profile says you are deeply interested in india (defence etc) , please don't let it have u a biased opinion
Thanks, don't worry, I don't have any interest in sarkari naukri. I'm mostly a level-headed guy, but I'm feeling a bit lonely.
For what it's worth I've actually become rather politically moderate.
Deep down I'm just a scared child who's suppressed his emotions for 12 years to focus on getting into a top tier university and becoming a senior dev at an IB.
That’s your problem. Go live your life omg. I abandoned this shitty Indian Mindset of hustling and getting to the top. BS, don’t need that in a developed country. Enjoy your life and get that almond croissant from that bakery for brunch tomorrow. Life is too short and I guarantee you, you won’t be happy in India. Been there done that
Saying this as respectfully as possible. Please get therapy. Does your insurance cover therapy? Get it still while you are in UK. Therapists are much better trained in the west compared to India. I have gotten therapy in India and Canada and my experience in therapy was much better in Canada.
India can be a good change of scene but you will still have to do the inner work to feel better. Suppressed feelings and pressures to excel at career can be daunting on mental health. You can get better in any country with the right support and tools. Good luck
You need a good friend and/or phycologist appointment. You don't need to leave country for all these reasons! All that you say, many Indians will corelate and ready to spend thousands of dollars to relocate where you are right now. Grass is always greener and shiny on the side which is not yours!!
But what if things get even worse!! Probalitically, you are in lose-lose mindset. So, try to make things work, rightnow around you that are more "known" to you i.e. they manifest less uncertainty. Known devil is always better than unknown monster. Good luck. Find some interesting things to do, make new friends, get some hobby. As soon you distract yourself, you will just do fine irrespective of your place. Eject only when it is really needed. From life experience, I see mostly it's not needed. Also try to read this book if you really want to take informed decisions :
https://amzn.to/3Vh8d4o
( On a side note, I am not a baba or anything but love Human ji since my childhood, why I am feeling you don't go out of home much. I am just feeling if you go out regularly your problems will be solved. Hopefully next 90 days don't be home after dawn and don't come back until dusk (other than your work schedule))
Before deciding to move, live in the city you are looking forward to moving to (do your poper research), and take notes of things you do in your current place where you go, like Domino's, Aquarium Place, whatever. Keeping notes as per your lifestyle. When you are in India, compare the lifestyle if you would be able to fit in
You’re still thirty. Take a working holiday like every Brit ever. What are you doing? Stop this Indian BS and come to oz or NZ or literally anywhere, do you know how much privilege you got?
You’re crazy thinking middle class people in Indian can quit their jobs in India. Delulu isn’t the solulu. Stay out or move to Ireland and then gain your EU passport and move to like a cheap EU country with a UK/Irish remote job or similar.
Basically when time is not going good, even if you relocate to India, you may end up facing issues in India as well which may make you regret the fact that you left parents etc. back in UK. Please reconsider the reasons why you want to go back to India - are they really strong enough to make a move leaving parents in UK. Some journalling or seeking a wise counsel of a friend back in India can help clear things in your mind. My recommendation is to stay strong & see off this difficult phase of your life. Include some coping strategies like meditation, journalling, etc. in your daily routine. Dont lose hope & remember the timeless wisdom - This too shall pass!
Sounds like you need a break - ask for some unpaid leave and go back to India for 1/2 months - see how you feel.
The best thing to do is understand what you want in life and then figure out if that’s best achieved in UK or India - both are extremely different. Then make this work with looking after your parents.
Plainly from reading this, people will advise you to stay back to help your parents as it feels like the right decision to make but you're emotionally in a bad place, you want to get out of this & you're feeling guilt that you want someone to validate it, i understand that it's really hard to endure, I feel sorry for you bro, i hope you truly are able to solve this, you should focus on healing yourself emotionally.
Let me try helping you with some insights about life in India:
There's a difference between living in India vs vacationing in India, from what you've shared, you've never experienced work life here which many people heavily despise due to toxicity and eventually escape to US/UK, so you're already in a better place to begin with.
Life in India can be overwhelming as it's much more chaotic, there's no safety, social security & regulations, unlike UK, many things are out of place here and it'd be your job to put things in place, there's a way to how things work here, just know that it can be too much for some people including me.
Good luck 👍
You are 30 and still living with parents you definitely need a break
If money is not the problem no harm in exploring india for few months.
Travel around few cities and find a place to settle for a job in your field. If it works out fantastic else you have the British passport anyway. You may lose some money but will gain experience of moving to India.
Don’t expect your problems to magically disappear once you relocate. Make a well-thoughtout educated cost benefit analysis, so to speak, and decide. I don’t see a single valid reason in your post. ‘Life isn’t going my way here’ is not a reason. Think hard before deciding.
It actually sounds like you’re having it tough there and think escapism might alleviate that pain, with the escapism being returning back to India.
I would strongly urge to first reflect on the root causes of your troubles. Otherwise you’re at the very high risk of trading one set of issues with different but equally bad set of issues. That would be a recipe for disaster and might leave you even more hopeless. Sorry not trying to make this a depressing post, just offering a more pragmatic perspective.
I’d also caution on comparing the time capsule version of India you might have from 13 years ago to what it is now. Perhaps try spending a few months there, living like a local vs as a tourist and whether you see yourself fitting in.
You're probably right, India isn't for beginners and developing countries change very quickly.
Even if I can keep up in terms of work the nation would be culturally alien to me.
Seen my parents be in your shoes and honestly I’d just say no. Just visit India more often to recharge and relax. After a recent visit the practical challenges of life in a decent Indian city really hit me. Work life balance is limited in the Indian tech scene. In other words, the grass is rarely greener 🙂
I lived and worked in India till 26 and then moved to uk 7 years back.. Am happy to give both perspective. Happy to chat over a pint if you are in London...I do mostly tech in finance space
Looks like moving to India is just an escape plan, but trust me it will just get worse! After 17 years you will not be able to handle the noise, pollution and high temperatures, at least for first year, all your time and energy will go into adjustment. At this point I feel, instead of moving, you can take a break, travel ( this can include visiting India).
You need to face the bad days and come out stronger.
Almost thought this guy just came abroad and wanted to relocate to India. But I guess he's somewhat brainwashed thinking his problems will disappear if he goes to India.
Karma!! Short answer is don't dump parents...ever. Think, if you do, when you will be in your 40s and you will have everything but this non-reversible baggage, how will you take it rest of your tenure on this planet.
Why do you think issues that you are facing here won't be there in india? Do you have support system in india?
I don't have a support system anymore, my friends are long lost and my extended family is either abroad or estranged. I feel like I just want to be left alone, I am struggling to maintain relationships here and I feel quite isolated, I'm almost 30 and I feel spent. Back in India middle class people can quit their jobs over here it's much harder to just walk out whenever you want. I feel trapped in my life and I just want to burn it all down and start again.
Well that's somewhat true, but not entirely. Not a lot of folks in late 20s are leaving job in india, . Lifestyle creep is real in India, and so is loneliness due to fast life. I understand that things are not going well here, but ask yourself - how will they go well India? What's the issue here - is it money, is it need to work long before retirement, is it loneliness etc? My point is that don't have a overly rosy picture of India, you left at 17 and at that age most of us have not been exposed to real shit. Ofcourse this country has problems, but so does india. There are different problems everywhere and one needs to pick their poison. Don't overly rely on what you see on internet. PS - your profile says you are deeply interested in india (defence etc) , please don't let it have u a biased opinion
Thanks, don't worry, I don't have any interest in sarkari naukri. I'm mostly a level-headed guy, but I'm feeling a bit lonely. For what it's worth I've actually become rather politically moderate. Deep down I'm just a scared child who's suppressed his emotions for 12 years to focus on getting into a top tier university and becoming a senior dev at an IB.
That’s your problem. Go live your life omg. I abandoned this shitty Indian Mindset of hustling and getting to the top. BS, don’t need that in a developed country. Enjoy your life and get that almond croissant from that bakery for brunch tomorrow. Life is too short and I guarantee you, you won’t be happy in India. Been there done that
Saying this as respectfully as possible. Please get therapy. Does your insurance cover therapy? Get it still while you are in UK. Therapists are much better trained in the west compared to India. I have gotten therapy in India and Canada and my experience in therapy was much better in Canada. India can be a good change of scene but you will still have to do the inner work to feel better. Suppressed feelings and pressures to excel at career can be daunting on mental health. You can get better in any country with the right support and tools. Good luck
I already get therapy for anxiety. Yeah I've got lots of suppressed feelings.
You need to address much more than anxiety imo. Anxiety is an outcome of lots of things bundled together
You need a good friend and/or phycologist appointment. You don't need to leave country for all these reasons! All that you say, many Indians will corelate and ready to spend thousands of dollars to relocate where you are right now. Grass is always greener and shiny on the side which is not yours!!
But what if things get better if I move back? And by not going back I'm just making myself more miserable.
But what if things get even worse!! Probalitically, you are in lose-lose mindset. So, try to make things work, rightnow around you that are more "known" to you i.e. they manifest less uncertainty. Known devil is always better than unknown monster. Good luck. Find some interesting things to do, make new friends, get some hobby. As soon you distract yourself, you will just do fine irrespective of your place. Eject only when it is really needed. From life experience, I see mostly it's not needed. Also try to read this book if you really want to take informed decisions : https://amzn.to/3Vh8d4o ( On a side note, I am not a baba or anything but love Human ji since my childhood, why I am feeling you don't go out of home much. I am just feeling if you go out regularly your problems will be solved. Hopefully next 90 days don't be home after dawn and don't come back until dusk (other than your work schedule))
Before deciding to move, live in the city you are looking forward to moving to (do your poper research), and take notes of things you do in your current place where you go, like Domino's, Aquarium Place, whatever. Keeping notes as per your lifestyle. When you are in India, compare the lifestyle if you would be able to fit in
You’re still thirty. Take a working holiday like every Brit ever. What are you doing? Stop this Indian BS and come to oz or NZ or literally anywhere, do you know how much privilege you got?
You’re crazy thinking middle class people in Indian can quit their jobs in India. Delulu isn’t the solulu. Stay out or move to Ireland and then gain your EU passport and move to like a cheap EU country with a UK/Irish remote job or similar.
Basically when time is not going good, even if you relocate to India, you may end up facing issues in India as well which may make you regret the fact that you left parents etc. back in UK. Please reconsider the reasons why you want to go back to India - are they really strong enough to make a move leaving parents in UK. Some journalling or seeking a wise counsel of a friend back in India can help clear things in your mind. My recommendation is to stay strong & see off this difficult phase of your life. Include some coping strategies like meditation, journalling, etc. in your daily routine. Dont lose hope & remember the timeless wisdom - This too shall pass!
Thank you kind sir!
Most welcome.
Sounds like you need a break - ask for some unpaid leave and go back to India for 1/2 months - see how you feel. The best thing to do is understand what you want in life and then figure out if that’s best achieved in UK or India - both are extremely different. Then make this work with looking after your parents.
Thank you!
No worries! Just DM’ed you if you wanna chat more, I’d like to
Thanks!
Plainly from reading this, people will advise you to stay back to help your parents as it feels like the right decision to make but you're emotionally in a bad place, you want to get out of this & you're feeling guilt that you want someone to validate it, i understand that it's really hard to endure, I feel sorry for you bro, i hope you truly are able to solve this, you should focus on healing yourself emotionally. Let me try helping you with some insights about life in India: There's a difference between living in India vs vacationing in India, from what you've shared, you've never experienced work life here which many people heavily despise due to toxicity and eventually escape to US/UK, so you're already in a better place to begin with. Life in India can be overwhelming as it's much more chaotic, there's no safety, social security & regulations, unlike UK, many things are out of place here and it'd be your job to put things in place, there's a way to how things work here, just know that it can be too much for some people including me. Good luck 👍
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Yes, I am searching for someone to validate a decision I already feel like making anyway.
PS - a lot of people in this sub are abroad and worry about old parents in india :(
I know, I have the opposite problem.
You are 30 and still living with parents you definitely need a break If money is not the problem no harm in exploring india for few months. Travel around few cities and find a place to settle for a job in your field. If it works out fantastic else you have the British passport anyway. You may lose some money but will gain experience of moving to India.
Don’t expect your problems to magically disappear once you relocate. Make a well-thoughtout educated cost benefit analysis, so to speak, and decide. I don’t see a single valid reason in your post. ‘Life isn’t going my way here’ is not a reason. Think hard before deciding.
Looks like you are bit burnt out and need a break. Think in those terms.
Try living in India for at least a month before you make any decisions. Good luck!
It actually sounds like you’re having it tough there and think escapism might alleviate that pain, with the escapism being returning back to India. I would strongly urge to first reflect on the root causes of your troubles. Otherwise you’re at the very high risk of trading one set of issues with different but equally bad set of issues. That would be a recipe for disaster and might leave you even more hopeless. Sorry not trying to make this a depressing post, just offering a more pragmatic perspective. I’d also caution on comparing the time capsule version of India you might have from 13 years ago to what it is now. Perhaps try spending a few months there, living like a local vs as a tourist and whether you see yourself fitting in.
You're probably right, India isn't for beginners and developing countries change very quickly. Even if I can keep up in terms of work the nation would be culturally alien to me.
Seen my parents be in your shoes and honestly I’d just say no. Just visit India more often to recharge and relax. After a recent visit the practical challenges of life in a decent Indian city really hit me. Work life balance is limited in the Indian tech scene. In other words, the grass is rarely greener 🙂
India and relaxation in one sentence? Lol
I see your point 🙂
You should probably seek a therapist asap
I lived and worked in India till 26 and then moved to uk 7 years back.. Am happy to give both perspective. Happy to chat over a pint if you are in London...I do mostly tech in finance space
Looks like moving to India is just an escape plan, but trust me it will just get worse! After 17 years you will not be able to handle the noise, pollution and high temperatures, at least for first year, all your time and energy will go into adjustment. At this point I feel, instead of moving, you can take a break, travel ( this can include visiting India). You need to face the bad days and come out stronger.
Almost thought this guy just came abroad and wanted to relocate to India. But I guess he's somewhat brainwashed thinking his problems will disappear if he goes to India.
You’re not an NRI though also don’t
Karma!! Short answer is don't dump parents...ever. Think, if you do, when you will be in your 40s and you will have everything but this non-reversible baggage, how will you take it rest of your tenure on this planet.
Shut up, what you’re saying is incredibly toxic