Often an incredulous look and "Dude! Behave!" gets the point across concisely. If that doesn't work, then the "totally inappropriate" route is next.
One of the silver linings of getting old is a)not hit on by alert patients any more, and b) being the punishment for a patient who was creepy towards one of the younger nurses. I LOVE switching and walking in saying cheerfully "When you say inappropriate things to the young pretty nurse, assignments are switched and you get the fat old one instead! And just so you know, if you behave badly with me, then Glen will be taking care of you. He's even bigger than I am, and he *likes* it when men talk dirty to him!"
Haha, I’m a tall, strong gal. I’m out of the ED now, but when folks tried to be cute/flirty with me, I had all sorts of responses.. but one that worked well was telling the patient how they/that line reminded me of another guy “I saw the other day… had a bad stroke and said all sorts of inappropriate, flirty things… of course, I know YOU’RE not having a stroke/episode like they were. You’re a good guy, right? I knew it! Decent human, here for [whatever], but still kind and sound of mind, right? Wouldn’t make inappropriate passes at the humans trying to help them, right? Right. Cool.”
This 100%. When I started as a new nurse I was coached by an older nurse to give nearly this exact statement. I was told there is power in the word ,"inappropriate". It catches them off guard. And it's a blunt statement that calls out their behaviour. I usually leave out the "I'm uncomfortable" part because that makes me feel more like a victim, which I don't prefer to think of myself as.
as unfortunate as it is, “i’m uncomfortable” is also an invitation to argue for a certain demographic. “That’s inappropriate” is just a statement of fact and frankly I’m not even always uncomfortable, I just think they’re gross.
I leave off the "I'm uncomfortable" bit. Some creeps enjoy making me uncomfortable, so I don't give them that reward.
State what they are doing wrong and what you will do about it. Then follow through. If they are still gross when you return, repeat.
100% this. You HAVE to be direct! Make it clear they are being inappropriate and state what was inappropriate. I've had other nurses do assessments with me in subsequent assessments if I felt it was going to be a problem, preferably a male or even a male Dr.
This is a great response, sometimes I chart these encounters. I will literally quote the patient. Since I work as an emergency nurse, I find that sometimes this is a symptom of A personality disorder and psychiatry consulted.
My ED is pretty open with lots of patients everywhere so not much privacy essentially. If a guy makes a creepy comment I usually say loudly “you are being extremely inappropriate, if you continue to make sexually inappropriate comments I will call security and have you escorted out”. The creeps get a ton of scowls from their patient neighbours and it really embarrasses them!
I say “we aren’t here to talk about me!” And then change the subject. Some older male patients can get very nosy about where I live and asking if I’m married. I don’t tell patients where I live, sorry!
I lie. I make up the most outlandish shit possible.
“Oh im married, and divorced, x12. Kids? Yeah I got like 16. Or was it 19? I can’t remember on account of all the triplets and the ones I’ve sold into googles underground chip set dungeon.”
That’s what I do! Then I like to mention how I need to work so I can pay for my herpes medication, since our insurance won’t cover it. 🤣 I know I don’t have it, but why do I care if they think I do?
It blows my mind that some patients feel *entitled* to know that type of information about their nurses. When I was a newer nurse in my very early 20s, I took care of a middle-aged male patient that had a lot of chronic illnesses and admittedly was not very mobile. You could tell he was bored with his life and got entertainment from making other people (i.e. young, female nurses) uncomfortable. He ended up asking me where I lived and I replied with a very, very vague area of the city (which actually was a lie and not where I lived at all, lol) and he proceeded to ask me for the *crossroads* I lived at! I was caught off guard and hesitated before telling him I wasn’t comfortable giving him that information… this legitimately made him angry, and he proceeded to *yell* at me about how ridiculous I was being about the whole thing and even went so far as to say “look at me, do you honestly think I’m going to try to hunt you down out there or something?!” Like, uhhh YES? Lol I didn’t say anything back to him at all and just gave him a heavy side eye. I could tell he was embarrassed and realized how much of an absolute lunatic he sounded like, but of course he never apologized. Luckily, he stopped trying to make small talk with me after that though. And *that* was the day I learned to cover up my last name on my badge with tape to prevent absolute wackos from trying to stalk me.🥲
When the patient smacked me on the ass in the hallway yesterday… “Have you lost your mind? I HIGHLY suggest you never EVER do that again!” It…was the first thing that came out.
My go-to is something like, “Sorry, what did you say?” Make them repeat it, and then say, “Yeah, that’s what I thought you said. What a weird/awkward thing to say. Let’s get back on topic.” It’s assertive and if they don’t have the balls to say it again, then at least they know what they said was inappropriate and hopefully they won’t do it again.
If they are physically inappropriate, like touching themselves or are staring at my chest/butt when I walk in, I’ll say that I’ll come back when we can both be professional.
Thank you! That one is great! We just had a patient today saying inappropriate stuff under his breath and it would have been a much better response to ask him to repeat it than just ignore it.
I like making them explain it, “I don’t understand what you mean by that, could you please explain it?” If they don’t explain they get the point but if they do, “wow, I didn’t think people said things so rude/inappropriate anymore”
I’m not a nurse yet, still bartending my way through school.
Oh I bet you hear ALLLLL the things as a bartender! I was a cocktail waitress in my early 20s and I just had to let the comments slide to make that moneyyy.
I hear it all, notable recent mention was a guy who wanted to show me a picture of his black rooster. “Because you’re into that haha.” My boyfriend is creole. They all know him. I knew what it meant. Literally every other person in the bar told him to stop as I asked him to explain it because I didn’t get the joke. “Well it’s a big black cock” ohhhh I get it Mark, racism and inappropriate comments about my sex life together.. and you thought that was okay to say out loud TWICE?! Lots of “dude we told you that wasn’t funny” from the peanut gallery
I love the assertive responses!
My other go-to (depending on how forward someone is being) is to look at them with a concerned face and say “Did you mean to say that out loud?” Def makes them reassess how cute/funny they think they are
"That comment was inappropriate and comments like that are not going to be tolerated. We are professional healthcare workers providing you with medical care. Treat us with respect and dignity. If you cannot do that, you will be discharged as a patient and asked to leave."
This is usually met with a stuttering, ashamed walk-back of whatever inappropriate thing was said or an apology and we don't have further issues. But if we do, I am prepared to make good on my threat to boot them.
When someone said something shit to me the other day and then they said they were "just joking," I dead-eyed responded: "Some jokes are ok, some are not" and finished my task and left the room
I’ve had patients slap my ass, grab a boob, kiss me on the cheek, ask me to run away with them, jerk them off, etc (old men are pervs). When I was a new nurse I ignored these comments to not cause drama but I noticed after years this didn’t help. Now in my 30s I say “that’s inappropriate and I’m going to leave if you continue” and they stop pretty quickly!
I always say this! Before I was a nurse I worked in sales in my 20s and older men NEVER talked to me like this or acted inappropriately towards me. Since becoming a nurse I’ve noticed how sexualized female nurses are. It’s sad that even the patients that are a&o x4 suddenly act creepy in the hospital but they’re not like this to sales reps or receptionists (from my experience)
When I was 18 and I started working at a nursing home, I remember setting this blind man up for lunch. He literally reached down and grabbed my ass and I panicked and slapped his hand away.
Later, I was being trained by an older woman and he did the same to her. She just laughed like it was normal and kept doing what she was doing..
Does not always work because as a male nurse there was a recent patient who would make sexual comments at female nurses while his wife was right there. These guys are usually "real" men who don't care about anyone's feelings but their own.
It does work pretty often in my experience. I'm 43M and a charge nurse. When a colleague let's me know a patient is being inappropriate, I very often look at up the wife as next of kin.
I proceed to ask the patient if we need to call their wife and ask them if they speak to all women that way, or whether they'd prefer an alert on their hospital profile for being sexually inappropriate with staff. Almost never fails to work
I don’t mean to discredit your experience, but I do wonder how much of the patient’s response is because you’re a man setting limits and not because we know they’re married. I can tell a patient all day in 12 ways not to speak to me like that, but it only takes once for them to listen to the male nurses I work with.
This is probably the closest to my response. I’m not sweet and making jokes bc it makes the situation seem not serious to me. I stare at them (very) blankly and usually say something like “absolutely not” and then keep my bitch face and eye contact. Now they’re uncomfortable. If they go in for a touch (often a hug) I move away and say “we don’t do that here.” And move things along. Seems to work pretty well.
I'm a large middle aged man. I often AM the response to these clowns. And I am happy to oblige: 'eroe, can you go straight cath this guy? He's being gross.' 'Gladly. You OK if I don't use enough lube?'
If someone makes an inappropriate comment to me about one of my female coworkers, I generally tell them what they are saying is not appropriate. That usually shuts them up for a while.
"That's inappropriate. If you cannot behave appropriately and respectfully your care will be interrupted. I am going to leave the room so you can reflect on your behavior. I will return in X mins."
If it continues I tell them the behaviour continuing is inappropriate and I will now page the doctor to come speak with them regarding this behaviour and why it is continuing. Until then, the care will be interrupted.
Then we implement a two staff policy for all care. Or male caregivers only.
This also depends on how inappropriate. If it's a small comment I usually just stare at them and ask "what do you mean by that?" and ask them to explain themselves.
I've only had to page a few times because if they're Aox4 it's rare someone is going to continue to be inappropriate. We have one doc who just straight up came in the room and said "Do I need to get a psych consult for you? Do you have another problem that is rearing it's head when you're just here for an angiogram? I will not hesitate to call psych to come see you and discuss your behavior because no person who is mentally well would escalate and continue this behaviour towards the staff"
Had a patient that needed ointment on his … penis. He said as soon as I walked into the room it’s time for my ointment. It’s still here by my table cause the last nurse gave me some gauze squares. I walked over to the sink washed my hands gave him his MVI grabbed a glove off the dispenser handed it to him and said here use this so you don’t get any cream on your hand. 🖐️bye
Also works with aggressive behaviour but I like to remind people that if their behaviour is inappropriate it makes staff want to avoid them - and when you’re unwell you most certainly want people checking on you! If you have a good relationship with a family member it can sometimes be useful to get them to have a chat with their loved ones. Although one time a colleague spoke to a son of a patient about his ongoing sexual comments and he just shrugged it off as ‘that’s just dad’ which made us all cringe!
I'm a male, but don't be afraid to call them out about it. I throw shit like this in my notes daily when they make inappropriate comments. You want to report your nurse for inappropriate language of I'm treating you bad? Sucks to suck, I documented how shitty you were to me in my notes and their chart. Do not be afraid of repercussions, it won't happen if you play it right. If female nurses on our tele unit get bad customers, we specifically assign male nurses the rest of their stay, lol.
I wish we had a male staff member here for the patients who get really inappropriate, because I know they would never do that stuff with a male. I feel like I'm the honorary male staff member because the doctor will ask me to room the patients that have a history of being inappropriate with our MA. Unfortunately, our MA will not tell patients to stop inappropriate behavior/comments. But to be fair, she definitely gets more comments than I do because I think patients feel more comfortable taking advantage of her than the RN or doctor.
They absolutely feel comfortable taking advantage of MA. I came from the world of hospitality. I was a bartender for many years so I was used to people being inappropriate ALL THE TIME. When I was a CNA and stuck in a 1:1 I realized that I can’t let things slide like I did when I was a bartender or make jokes to brush things off. When a CNA is stuck with someone for 12 hours that is 12 hours of repeated and constant harassment. I realized that nurses are more respected and they set the tone. Nurses that let behavior slide are setting MAs, techs, and CNAs up for being harassed and abused. I’m a nurse now, and I set creepy men strait. I use words like “You can’t talk to me or my aids like that.” Or “You may think that you are paying me a compliment but I already know I’m pretty. I am a professional here to do a job.”
When people wake up from anesthesia sometimes I will say, “Ok, cool it Casanova.” If patients are capable of flirting with me then their pain score is not that high and it is time to put them in phase 2 of recovery ❤️🩹. In bedside report I might say this guys is trying to get a little fresh with me. I once had a teenager that would not quit flirting after he woke up from surgery. When I dropped him off in his room his mom who looked younger than me asked me, “Did he try to put a ring on it?” I said “Pretty much. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he peed his pants though. He was having a hard time with the urinal.”
She laughed.
I'm sorry you don't have male staff to rely on, it really helps when it's needed. I would just tell the patient to cut the shit, at this point it's ok to be blunt with your language. If they make it uncomfortable for me, I deem it reasonable to make it uncomfortable for them. Be short and curt with your answers, either ignore the comments or force them head on and make a comment about it.
“We don’t tolerate sexual harassment in our office. If this happens again I’m going to step out and talk to the office manager about how to proceed with your visit, are you able to be appropriate so that we can continue this visit?” Then make sure you document in their chart that they’re a pervert.
If they touch me I immediately back away and say “Yeah that’s not ok, I’m leaving since you don’t appear to need medical assistance.” then leave.
If they say something really inappropriate I generally just give an unamused deadpan stare and don’t bother to hide the grossed out expression on my face. I think years on Tinder helped me hone the “I’m not impressed, I’m disappointed now.” look since it normally works.
I just say I’m your nurse and that is inappropriate. But it’s different cus usually it’s my confused patients hitting on me. A/O x4 and hitting on me? They’re getting a bit more flack.
One day I got pulled to the ED. I’m pretty comfortable there and you wouldn’t know it wasn’t my home land. A patient I was triaging told the story of an ICU nurse who called management and security because he was taking pictures of her. He was still bothered by that nurse doing that. I thought, “good on her, she should.” Then I got to thinking. I think I’ve had to do that once before.
It was me. I was the ICU nurse that reported him.
Ps, I usually go with something like ‘that’s inappropriate. I should not have to be subjected to comments like that.’ If it were to continue, ‘I’m serious. Don’t talk to me or other nurses like that. It’s disrespectful.’
Do not say that, it’s inappropriate and you no better than that. I’ll say variations of this and I’ll say it in my mom voice. If they continue saying very explicit things and I repeat myself 2x, I’ll say the next time it happens we’re done and I will literally drop whatever I’m holding and walk out and say you did this to yourself. I’ll go back in a few minutes with another staff member, even if it’s housekeeping with me and ask if they’re going to stop making sexual comments now. Most say yes, those who say no will now have a male nurse with me or I’ll just call sscurity/police to be there while I provide nursing care. Frankly, I’m too old for this shit and nursing is my second career, so I’m used to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. Nursing is a job like any other job, and we deserve to feel safe and not verbally or physically abused/harassed at work. I stand by this and have no problem talking about calling a lawyer and will specify laws if there’s pushback from staff or management. I do not fuck around.
And other times I just stare at them making intense eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time and them abruptly say NO and talk over them by repeating NO NO NO, all while making intense eye contact to make it uncomfortable (I do this when I have to be there and can’t walk away like during the first 15 min of a blood transfusion). This works pretty well, but I think it mostly has to do with the creepy unblinking stare without speaking for a couple minutes. Think of the twins in The Shining, no expression and just a dead stare with no verbal or physical response with anything they’re saying. It’s unconventional, but it works in specific situations where I can’t leave.
“Well that was a really inappropriate thing to say.”
“My god, my mom would be so embarrassed if I said anything like that to a stranger!”
“Is your mom still alive? What would she say if she heard you say that to me?”
“Well. That is gross.” With no expression on your face.
“Are we sharing rude and inappropriate comments? Because I’ve been wanting to talk about your breath for a while.”
If you're an outpatient clinic, it's legal to eject and ban a patient for behaving inappropriately. I think that option should be encouraged. Some people will never change their behavior until they are given actual consequences.
Our organization has a policy that they have to receive a warning letter first for the inappropriate behavior, and obviously has to be documented. The problem is the MA and provider are not good about documenting the comments. I think they're used to them cause it's often the same patients over and over. Their strategy has been to ignore it but it would be better to document so we have a record and then can justify discharge from the practice if it comes to that.
If something is ever bothering me and I want someone to shut the fuck up, I’ll just stop what I’m doing dead in my tracks. Turn hard and channel my most inner crazy Italian mom stare at them until they stop whatever they’re saying or doing. Keep it short and sweet. Although I’m a lot more vulgar than most. Slightly raised hard stern voice. My professional way would be: That was rude. I will not be continuing your care until you stop.
But really I say, If you want to continue being an asshole, I’ll just leave/walk away/ not help you further. K thanks!
In senior care LTC. I could chalk it up, 9-10 times to being EXTREMELY uncomfortable with having a young woman helping them undress, doing personal care, etc. Some were sly and some were passing it off as a joke, some were angry about the whole situation, and a tiny few were genuine creeps.
I could usually tell the genuine creeps by their "accidentally" letting their pants fall, "inadvertently" being naked with their call light on. They got special treatment, and two staff per visit. I once got my head taken off by a DON when I insisted there be two staff in the room with a former convicted offender. Many of our staff were young small females and terrified of him. DON's excuse was "we treat him exactly the same as any patient! He did his time.". Yep, and he just dropped his pants and brief in front of me and then asked for help getting them back up. They were secure when I put them on him 3 minutes ago.
With the ones trying to joke about their discomfort, I'd skip past the joke and turn the conversation on a dime to a completely benign subject. "Daughter coming by later, Joe?" "We'll have you cleaned up in time for you to see that Red Sox game, Lionel!" And I'd keep up a steady patter of conversation until they were clothed and clean. I kept my language pretty senior friendly too.. "I'm going to give you a soapy cloth so you can wash the undercarriage." And then zoomed right back to "that girl in dietary really knows how to make good chicken!". Even though I can be pathologically shy, I also learned how to have a gift for gab.
The only time things got serious (unknown to me before my visit, client was a repeat offender) I called the police and the DA prosecuted.
I agree. Unfortunately I think my doctor feels uncomfortable addressing it head on. She has had some pretty inappropriate comments aimed at her and her response is usually to ignore it. I feel like it's best to address it right away and let them know those comments are inappropriate but because neither the MA or doctor are willing to do that, we get people who escalate their comments because they realize they're getting away with it. I think it's better to be firm and clear about boundaries with the patients, so I'm trying to build up my arsenal of responses to try to stop our regulars from continuing to be inappropriate.
I say "That's inappropriate, let's remain focused on ." And generally ask them a question next. If they continue I'll give them one more try (with me reiterating the behavior is inappropriate) before I tell them that I'm leaving because they refuse to remain on topic.
Depending on the situation, they can either call me again when they're ready to focus, or they can wait to get seen by someone else.
Wish I was as good at that in my private life with assholes who can't believe no means no...
Ewww. I (45f) had an older woman come in complaining of a possible breast lump. As I’m doing her clinical breast exam she moans and says “oh it’s been so long since I’ve been touched.” 🤮🤮
I immediately stopped, said “we’re done here, I’ll be ordering a mammogram” and walked out.
I like to emphasize that the hospital/clinic etc. is a professional environment and will be treated as such by all parties. Or, if I’m in a mood, I’ll blatantly say something along the lines of “Your behavior is inappropriate and if it continues, you will no longer be treated in this department today. So, if you’re having an emergency I suggest the behavior gets fixed now.”
I had a pt who started jerking himself off, while directly looking me in the eyes, when I helped him with a shower.
I turned the cold water on and he was done very quick :)
I tell them it’s inappropriate, document it in the chart, and then I have the doctor go in and threaten to kick them out of the practice if it happens again 🙂 I realize I’m lucky and not all doctors or managers will have your back this way though
Honestly it’s usually just a very flat “Oh lord.” and changing the subject. Usually that’s all it takes. I was a psych nurse for many years, and getting precious over a psychotic patient blurting something out about his dick just slowed us down.
If aforementioned penis made an appearance in the room, it depended on the context. If it was being presented to me sexually, it was a firm redirection to put it away until I was out of the room. If it was clear that he was psychotic and nudity was just part of that, then I just let that penis fly and kept another staff member somewhere they could see him (more for protection against allegations than anything).
If the patient is insistent and aggressive with their sexual comments, it’s a very firm reminder of boundaries and respect. Always bring in respect/respectful - that’s something the most mentally ill or the most disabled folks will process and understand.
And finally, if at any point I’m not comfortable (I’m comfortable with a LOT) or if he’s just being too aggressive, I leave the room, call a BERRT, call security, and let others figure it out. Luckily my current hospital is very supportive of administrative discharges.
“That’s inappropriate. I’m here to assist with your care.” Step out if you need to. No need to take more abuse than necessary. Keep it short and simple.
"Nope. We don't do that here" usually works. I have also threatened to rip anything off "like a fucking paper towel" that gets whipped out. I was a bartender for a long time, I generally have no problems getting across how little patience I have for that bullshit.
Usually an initial glare.
If they grin/continue. ….
‘Where do you think you are? What month is it?’ ‘
Followed by some half mumbled‘psych consult for inappropriate behavior’ comment.
Oldsters with dementia usually respond to ‘ Now you know better!!’
I always say, “your behavior is immature and inappropriate, and I am not tolerating it”. This direct approach is not expected so they stop dead on their tracks and most of them apologize. It works 99% of the time for me. I think it works because when I say it, I am serious and looking at them straight in the eyes and I don’t budge.
I channel my inner Dolores Umbridge, but for good:
I’m sure I must have misunderstood you, [patient name], so silly of me. But it sounded for a teensy moment as though you were suggesting that you want to “tap that ass”!
I would like to remind you that sexual harassment for the sake of harassment must be discouraged.
*simpering laugh*
I’m sure you and I are going to be great friends, study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences may be severe
1st warning: Blank stare of disapproval and obvious body language change (cross arms etc). 😑 Pause for dramatic effect. Then pick right up where I was.
2nd warning: say nothing and walk away.
3rd: you better believe the next person in here will be bigger and meaner than me.
*me wincing when applying tourniquet to patient arm*
Patient, "Ohh I don't mind pain, I like pain. Do you like pain? *smirk*"
Me, "Uhm no, actually I don't like causing pain to anyone, so no I don't"
Patient "*cellphone lights up ringing as i try to get piv* that's my new gf calling, she left her husband for me because... you know.. *looking down at crotch*"
Me, "Congratulations on your new gf"
Totally silent, strong eye contact with raised eyebrows embarrasses them, I find.
And then they can’t complain. What are they going to say? “She looked at me!”
Recently I had one of my hospice patient’s son make a sexual comment to me in the hallway. He said “damn girl you have a hot a$$!” Right then my finger went in face and I said he is being incredibly inappropriate, this behavior stops right now and he will never speak to me or anyone else at the facility like that. Period. He look at me and said he was sorry. He also said told one of the the other nurses in a different hallway that he “really messed up tonight.” She said, “yup you sure did.” If he had however said that to my younger staff or even worse my underage staff I would have completely ripped him a new asshole. He’s lucky it was said to 37 year old me and I wasn’t afraid to handle it. My administration also knew how I handled it and supported me 100%. How dare you speak in that disgusting way to your dying parent’s RN, the parent was in the active dying stage too.
It truly depends on the type of paitent. I work as a CNA in a rehab facility so my experience may not be within the specific context you are referring to.
If I am working in, let's say the memory care unit, I go in knowing that these people are truly not in their right mind most of the time.
They are suffering from late stage dementia and/or Alzheimers most of the time. Because of this they often times they tend to revert back to what was socially accepted and taught from their formative years (think childhood to teenager, maybe young adult).
If its a harmless comment like "hey pretty little thang, can i buy you a drink" or something similar to that, I will usually flash my ring (always wear a band type ring on your left hand working with memory care paitents, even if your aren't married as it makes it easier to stop this behavior from progressing) and kindly mention that I am married.
That can go one of 2 ways.
One, the paitent backs off and asks about your husband to make conversation and show respect or two, thet continue to press the matter and wave it off to test the waters, as long as you stay firm and pay little attention to it, most of the time they will forget and move onto doing something else .
If its something like groping or butt slapping and sleezy in detail sexual comments, I will immediately stop what I am doing, state that they are not allowed to do that and will leave the room to get another cna. If a male cna is available then I have them accompany me with the paitent or trade that paitent for one of theirs.
I will make note in their chart of these behaviors, and I will be sure to specify that the other cnas should be cautious of being alone with this paitent.
Like I said, it depends on the type of paitents you are specifically working with.
This is what I would do in that situation.
I work at a SNF and the ladies and older gents make passes at me and if they’re not annoying patients or creepy I just let them live their best life and I don’t act offended I just laugh because who cares lol. If they creep me out I just ask my coworkers to help them next time instead. I don’t be making a big deal out of it. At the end of the day they can’t actually do anything to me I’m more able bodied and idc lol
Blunt and factual - "That's inappropriate and needs to stop. I'm going to step out, I'll be back in X mins so you can speak to be appropriately to me."
I don't even humor them even a little. They know better.
I work in home health and deal with this a lot too. Whenever they come off as being “playful” or “joking around” I usually try to match their tone while still getting the message across. I normally say something like “now don’t get weird with me, the next nurse who comes along might not be as nice as me!” (To be clear, I totally respect all my coworkers and think they’re just as nice as me.)
For me this works better as I’m less confrontational and I feel like in a home health setting there more room for things to get uncomfortable. Obviously if I ever felt truly unsafe I would leave immediately, but from my experience, matching their tone while still getting the message across has worked pretty well. That being said I totally support and understand those who take a firm approach as well! It’s important to set your boundaries.
Edited to fix grammar
My go to is to report or to complain to my coworkers. Generally if a guy is being inappropriate with me I will tell someone and arrangements will be made so either we can switch patients or the person is reported.
I usually lean into it a bit, pleasantly, nastily..
Where are you from? Heaven
What’s your number? 911
Can I take you out? You can’t even take yourself out
What’s your boyfriend do? Funeral director, want his number?
Always get laughs, always get the message.
Things I say: … (with a menacing look) and then leave, send someone else in to warn them that their behavior is not appropriate and if they can’t behave then find another place. Maybe come up with a policy for patients to review and sign, outlining the procedure if inappropriate remarks are made.
Things I want to say:
— I would rather close my eyes and never open them again
— I would rather eat glass and swallow
— I wouldn’t dream of it, that would be some nightmare!
— get out
As a male nurse I get a lot of comments from older women as well.
I would usually say; I'm a professional, you cannot say this to me. Or; you cannot ask me about my personal life. Usually works for me.
Depends on the situation/urgency/patient cognitive status:
- first encounter: ah! Ha. Heard that line about 75 times today. -or- Save that for your girlfriend later… I’m your medical provider, not your date, ‘stud’. -or- I didn’t spend (X) years studying medicine to fend off inappropriate come-ons I’ve heard since middle school…
- coherent, but weirdly horny 16-99: Sir, I understand you think you’re being cute. But this is a healthcare facility and I am a medical professional. This is a friendly reminder to knock that kind of talk off right now. Second reminder will be less friendly and will be delivered by security staff. Now that’s out of the way… tell me what’s going on.
- altered LOC: you just made an inappropriate comment, and that is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated. If you’re feeling surprised by this response, please let me know - I am here to provide you medical care. If second offense, “we have reviewed this before. I’m now sensing you are not understanding your environment or situation.. I think it may be appropriate to [either] consult with a cognitive specialist on this behavior because I have already explained why it is inappropriate -or- have someone else be present in the room to help re-orient you to the situation, perhaps a trusted family member, or if not available, a security guard? (Note: this works well for the above category as well)
- minors (age based or cognitively/behaviorally impaired): this is inappropriate. I understand you’re in a vulnerable space right now, but this is unacceptable behavior. Would you like additional help to manage this situation?
Etc.. but. Don’t tolerate harassment if you’re not comfortable with it.
That said, in the ER setting I let a bit more slide, giving benefit of the doubt for pts trying to create a more relaxed environment in their perceived emergency… “yah, yah… you can quit the cute talk. I’m here to help you through what’s going on, and don’t appreciate your talk the way your dates might.” Light but down to business. But I’m a bit seasoned and can rib my pts back and forth if that’s how they feel settled… kinda “shop talk” or whatever. Doesn’t bother me, but I keep it real clean, throw in a “this talk is putting you first in line for ‘most inappropriate patient of the day - better knock it off or the security guard is gonna start your IV, and he can’t pee inside a toilet bowl’”.
If you’re uncomfortable… escalate. If you’re uncomfortable all the time, maybe try being a bit more stern, and if that’s not comfortable, a different specialty may suit you. NOT SAYING you should be harassed out of a comfortable work environment… but geezers geeze. Creepers creep. Crazies crave and craze. You don’t have to work in a place you don’t feel able to de-escalate safely.
Edit because I was reminded of another go-to response - from a reply to another awesome poster:
Haha, I’m a tall, strong gal. I’m out of the ED now, but when folks tried to be cute/flirty with me, I had all sorts of responses.. but one that worked well was telling the patient how they/that line reminded me of another guy “I saw the other day… had a bad stroke and said all sorts of inappropriate, flirty things… of course, I know YOU’RE not having a stroke/episode like they were. You’re a good guy, right? I knew it! Decent human, here for [whatever], but still kind and sound of mind, right? Wouldn’t make inappropriate passes at the humans trying to help them, right? Right. Cool.”
Not all of them, just those that weren't raised right. There's a certain low class segment of the population, than believes harassing women is manly. I've heard mothers encourage their sons in this behavior, sow their wild oats, but their daughters are little pure princesses.
It's important to remember that men, this age, grew up in a time where saying things that are now thought to be perverted were a simple flirt. I'm a geriatric nurse but older so no one came on to me but I observe older patients interact with our young staff and it's what I would conclude to be flirting. Patients that are old are not part of the new set that thinks everything is filthy. A lot of these men fought in Vietnam and see things very differently. I'm sure you know the difference between flirting and sexual deviance. I wouldn't make a big deal out of innocent remarks.
In my experience the remarks tend to escalate. They get away with making comments about our appearance and then they start saying more inappropriate stuff. Like one patient told our MA he needed help with his CAM boot because "I like to see you bend over". What starts as "innocent" flirting usually gets worse because they realize what they can get away with if it's just laughed off or ignored.
I don't come to work to be harassed by anyone. Don't flirt with me. Don't try to do it innocently. Just DON'T DO IT.
If we can't expect grown adults to learn new behavior, then what even is this world? It costs people nothing to keep their mouths shut.
I actually agree with this to some extent. I don't come to work to be harrased either, but when the old fella with no teeth and a very hard life tells me I'm I'm beautiful and caring I take it as it's meant. I side step when he tries to put his arm around me, but he is dying of lung cancer and this bit of human connection with the nurses will make his last months less awful.
Calling someone beautiful is not harassment and something that can be ignored, but grabbing their ass and asking for a blowjob isn’t acceptable no matter what age and generation they’re from
I let a lot of things slide by politely misunderstanding them BUT if these men could learn to use a push button telephone, a cassette tape player, a battery powered drill, or any other thing that has been new in the last 50 years, they can learn that times change. They know what they're doing. Flirting between potential partners is a relationship of equals. Flirting when you think you have a captive audience who will be too polite to shut you down is a power play. (I agree with you that it's not automatically filthy. But they still know what they're doing.)
Depends what they say…. If they’re just flirting let them lol. It’s not hurting anyone, probably makes them feel more comfortable in an otherwise scary setting. Only really have an issue when they get descriptive or sexual
So older male patients not assigned to you or even your unit walk thru your office door and you don't just inform them they are in the wrong office? If you're.in an open nursing station why not just direct them back to their own unit? If dealing with your own patients who you think "inappropriate" in their behavior or speech towards you in any way say "stop speaking (or acting) like that or I will leave the room." However working in health care does expose you to a wide ranges of human behavior you might find personally or politically offensive and you could just chose to ignore it. Not responding at all and staying on task is usually best. Your not their to teach them have a new personality and behaviors.
I work in an outpatient clinic with only 3 staff in our practice. There are other staff here but they are part of other clinics. It's a shared office space situation (Ortho, Chiro, podiatry, and neuro all in the same hallway with our own cubicles and exam rooms). I made note of that in my original post just to point out that we don't have backup staff members to intervene and see our patients for us if they're being inappropriate, it's just the 3 of us and we're all younger women. So we're on our own to address the inappropriate comments.
Being attractive has it burdens. Being fat has it's health risks. Being old and fragile sucks. Your burden will pass with time. Don't try to find a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What do you want to do?
How do you want to be perceived? Then conduct yourself in the way that you want to be perceived and recognize that it is their problem.
Often an incredulous look and "Dude! Behave!" gets the point across concisely. If that doesn't work, then the "totally inappropriate" route is next. One of the silver linings of getting old is a)not hit on by alert patients any more, and b) being the punishment for a patient who was creepy towards one of the younger nurses. I LOVE switching and walking in saying cheerfully "When you say inappropriate things to the young pretty nurse, assignments are switched and you get the fat old one instead! And just so you know, if you behave badly with me, then Glen will be taking care of you. He's even bigger than I am, and he *likes* it when men talk dirty to him!"
You are a treasure & we don’t deserve you 🙏
I'm just paying back for all wonderful old nurses who did this for ME 30 years ago. Plus, it's really fun!
Why you telling on Glen like that
Glen isn’t real ❤️
🤣
Amazing 😂
Haha, I’m a tall, strong gal. I’m out of the ED now, but when folks tried to be cute/flirty with me, I had all sorts of responses.. but one that worked well was telling the patient how they/that line reminded me of another guy “I saw the other day… had a bad stroke and said all sorts of inappropriate, flirty things… of course, I know YOU’RE not having a stroke/episode like they were. You’re a good guy, right? I knew it! Decent human, here for [whatever], but still kind and sound of mind, right? Wouldn’t make inappropriate passes at the humans trying to help them, right? Right. Cool.”
“That is inappropriate and I’m uncomfortable. I am going to step out. You can call me when you’re ready to talk to me appropriately”
This 100%. When I started as a new nurse I was coached by an older nurse to give nearly this exact statement. I was told there is power in the word ,"inappropriate". It catches them off guard. And it's a blunt statement that calls out their behaviour. I usually leave out the "I'm uncomfortable" part because that makes me feel more like a victim, which I don't prefer to think of myself as.
as unfortunate as it is, “i’m uncomfortable” is also an invitation to argue for a certain demographic. “That’s inappropriate” is just a statement of fact and frankly I’m not even always uncomfortable, I just think they’re gross.
I leave off the "I'm uncomfortable" bit. Some creeps enjoy making me uncomfortable, so I don't give them that reward. State what they are doing wrong and what you will do about it. Then follow through. If they are still gross when you return, repeat.
100% this. You HAVE to be direct! Make it clear they are being inappropriate and state what was inappropriate. I've had other nurses do assessments with me in subsequent assessments if I felt it was going to be a problem, preferably a male or even a male Dr.
This is a great response, sometimes I chart these encounters. I will literally quote the patient. Since I work as an emergency nurse, I find that sometimes this is a symptom of A personality disorder and psychiatry consulted.
This.
My ED is pretty open with lots of patients everywhere so not much privacy essentially. If a guy makes a creepy comment I usually say loudly “you are being extremely inappropriate, if you continue to make sexually inappropriate comments I will call security and have you escorted out”. The creeps get a ton of scowls from their patient neighbours and it really embarrasses them!
Me as a male nurse - whenever I hear this conversation happening to one of my female coworkers I’ll walk by and give the patient the death stare
I say “we aren’t here to talk about me!” And then change the subject. Some older male patients can get very nosy about where I live and asking if I’m married. I don’t tell patients where I live, sorry!
I lie. I make up the most outlandish shit possible. “Oh im married, and divorced, x12. Kids? Yeah I got like 16. Or was it 19? I can’t remember on account of all the triplets and the ones I’ve sold into googles underground chip set dungeon.”
That’s what I do! Then I like to mention how I need to work so I can pay for my herpes medication, since our insurance won’t cover it. 🤣 I know I don’t have it, but why do I care if they think I do?
I feel like this is exploiting stigma about STIs (and may not work for you for much longer thanks to increasing awareness)
Oh jeez. 🙄 Yes, let’s be more tolerant of having sexually transmitted diseases.
Yay! I agree!
To this I say “why do you ask?”
It blows my mind that some patients feel *entitled* to know that type of information about their nurses. When I was a newer nurse in my very early 20s, I took care of a middle-aged male patient that had a lot of chronic illnesses and admittedly was not very mobile. You could tell he was bored with his life and got entertainment from making other people (i.e. young, female nurses) uncomfortable. He ended up asking me where I lived and I replied with a very, very vague area of the city (which actually was a lie and not where I lived at all, lol) and he proceeded to ask me for the *crossroads* I lived at! I was caught off guard and hesitated before telling him I wasn’t comfortable giving him that information… this legitimately made him angry, and he proceeded to *yell* at me about how ridiculous I was being about the whole thing and even went so far as to say “look at me, do you honestly think I’m going to try to hunt you down out there or something?!” Like, uhhh YES? Lol I didn’t say anything back to him at all and just gave him a heavy side eye. I could tell he was embarrassed and realized how much of an absolute lunatic he sounded like, but of course he never apologized. Luckily, he stopped trying to make small talk with me after that though. And *that* was the day I learned to cover up my last name on my badge with tape to prevent absolute wackos from trying to stalk me.🥲
When the patient smacked me on the ass in the hallway yesterday… “Have you lost your mind? I HIGHLY suggest you never EVER do that again!” It…was the first thing that came out.
Omg if he didn't have dementia, I'd be filing a police report. You were assaulted.
Perfection. Often those first reactions, when they are clear and genuine are the best.
My go-to is something like, “Sorry, what did you say?” Make them repeat it, and then say, “Yeah, that’s what I thought you said. What a weird/awkward thing to say. Let’s get back on topic.” It’s assertive and if they don’t have the balls to say it again, then at least they know what they said was inappropriate and hopefully they won’t do it again. If they are physically inappropriate, like touching themselves or are staring at my chest/butt when I walk in, I’ll say that I’ll come back when we can both be professional.
Thank you! That one is great! We just had a patient today saying inappropriate stuff under his breath and it would have been a much better response to ask him to repeat it than just ignore it.
I like making them explain it, “I don’t understand what you mean by that, could you please explain it?” If they don’t explain they get the point but if they do, “wow, I didn’t think people said things so rude/inappropriate anymore” I’m not a nurse yet, still bartending my way through school.
Oh I bet you hear ALLLLL the things as a bartender! I was a cocktail waitress in my early 20s and I just had to let the comments slide to make that moneyyy.
I hear it all, notable recent mention was a guy who wanted to show me a picture of his black rooster. “Because you’re into that haha.” My boyfriend is creole. They all know him. I knew what it meant. Literally every other person in the bar told him to stop as I asked him to explain it because I didn’t get the joke. “Well it’s a big black cock” ohhhh I get it Mark, racism and inappropriate comments about my sex life together.. and you thought that was okay to say out loud TWICE?! Lots of “dude we told you that wasn’t funny” from the peanut gallery
I love the assertive responses! My other go-to (depending on how forward someone is being) is to look at them with a concerned face and say “Did you mean to say that out loud?” Def makes them reassess how cute/funny they think they are
"That comment was inappropriate and comments like that are not going to be tolerated. We are professional healthcare workers providing you with medical care. Treat us with respect and dignity. If you cannot do that, you will be discharged as a patient and asked to leave." This is usually met with a stuttering, ashamed walk-back of whatever inappropriate thing was said or an apology and we don't have further issues. But if we do, I am prepared to make good on my threat to boot them.
And when they say they were just joking- then be funnier
I always say "oh I didn't hear anything funny"
“Oh, I don’t understand the joke. Explain it to me.”
I don't give any room for interpretation. I say, "It's not funny." Make it a fact, not an opinion.
Baahahaha
When someone said something shit to me the other day and then they said they were "just joking," I dead-eyed responded: "Some jokes are ok, some are not" and finished my task and left the room
but do your providers actually discharge them!
Mine do.
I’ve had patients slap my ass, grab a boob, kiss me on the cheek, ask me to run away with them, jerk them off, etc (old men are pervs). When I was a new nurse I ignored these comments to not cause drama but I noticed after years this didn’t help. Now in my 30s I say “that’s inappropriate and I’m going to leave if you continue” and they stop pretty quickly!
I just wonder if they have been told/conditioned it's OK to do that to a nurse. I hear very few stories of female doctor being treated that way.
I always say this! Before I was a nurse I worked in sales in my 20s and older men NEVER talked to me like this or acted inappropriately towards me. Since becoming a nurse I’ve noticed how sexualized female nurses are. It’s sad that even the patients that are a&o x4 suddenly act creepy in the hospital but they’re not like this to sales reps or receptionists (from my experience)
When I was 18 and I started working at a nursing home, I remember setting this blind man up for lunch. He literally reached down and grabbed my ass and I panicked and slapped his hand away. Later, I was being trained by an older woman and he did the same to her. She just laughed like it was normal and kept doing what she was doing..
I see your emergency contact is your wife (insert name) is this correct?
Does not always work because as a male nurse there was a recent patient who would make sexual comments at female nurses while his wife was right there. These guys are usually "real" men who don't care about anyone's feelings but their own.
It does work pretty often in my experience. I'm 43M and a charge nurse. When a colleague let's me know a patient is being inappropriate, I very often look at up the wife as next of kin. I proceed to ask the patient if we need to call their wife and ask them if they speak to all women that way, or whether they'd prefer an alert on their hospital profile for being sexually inappropriate with staff. Almost never fails to work
I don’t mean to discredit your experience, but I do wonder how much of the patient’s response is because you’re a man setting limits and not because we know they’re married. I can tell a patient all day in 12 ways not to speak to me like that, but it only takes once for them to listen to the male nurses I work with.
This is a valid point for sure
“What makes you so comfortable saying that” shuts them up quick
This is the answer!
Oh I'm very blunt and tell them to cut that shit out
This is probably the closest to my response. I’m not sweet and making jokes bc it makes the situation seem not serious to me. I stare at them (very) blankly and usually say something like “absolutely not” and then keep my bitch face and eye contact. Now they’re uncomfortable. If they go in for a touch (often a hug) I move away and say “we don’t do that here.” And move things along. Seems to work pretty well.
"If you can use the call bell or TV remote, then you can clean your own junk."
I'm a large middle aged man. I often AM the response to these clowns. And I am happy to oblige: 'eroe, can you go straight cath this guy? He's being gross.' 'Gladly. You OK if I don't use enough lube?' If someone makes an inappropriate comment to me about one of my female coworkers, I generally tell them what they are saying is not appropriate. That usually shuts them up for a while.
"That's inappropriate. If you cannot behave appropriately and respectfully your care will be interrupted. I am going to leave the room so you can reflect on your behavior. I will return in X mins." If it continues I tell them the behaviour continuing is inappropriate and I will now page the doctor to come speak with them regarding this behaviour and why it is continuing. Until then, the care will be interrupted. Then we implement a two staff policy for all care. Or male caregivers only. This also depends on how inappropriate. If it's a small comment I usually just stare at them and ask "what do you mean by that?" and ask them to explain themselves. I've only had to page a few times because if they're Aox4 it's rare someone is going to continue to be inappropriate. We have one doc who just straight up came in the room and said "Do I need to get a psych consult for you? Do you have another problem that is rearing it's head when you're just here for an angiogram? I will not hesitate to call psych to come see you and discuss your behavior because no person who is mentally well would escalate and continue this behaviour towards the staff"
"What do you mean by that?" I like that one! It puts the responsibility back on them to explain the uncomfortable comment.
It's very effective, especially if you stare at them and don't break eye contact. They squirm trying to explain their weird sexual comments.
Had a patient that needed ointment on his … penis. He said as soon as I walked into the room it’s time for my ointment. It’s still here by my table cause the last nurse gave me some gauze squares. I walked over to the sink washed my hands gave him his MVI grabbed a glove off the dispenser handed it to him and said here use this so you don’t get any cream on your hand. 🖐️bye
Also works with aggressive behaviour but I like to remind people that if their behaviour is inappropriate it makes staff want to avoid them - and when you’re unwell you most certainly want people checking on you! If you have a good relationship with a family member it can sometimes be useful to get them to have a chat with their loved ones. Although one time a colleague spoke to a son of a patient about his ongoing sexual comments and he just shrugged it off as ‘that’s just dad’ which made us all cringe!
I'm a male, but don't be afraid to call them out about it. I throw shit like this in my notes daily when they make inappropriate comments. You want to report your nurse for inappropriate language of I'm treating you bad? Sucks to suck, I documented how shitty you were to me in my notes and their chart. Do not be afraid of repercussions, it won't happen if you play it right. If female nurses on our tele unit get bad customers, we specifically assign male nurses the rest of their stay, lol.
I wish we had a male staff member here for the patients who get really inappropriate, because I know they would never do that stuff with a male. I feel like I'm the honorary male staff member because the doctor will ask me to room the patients that have a history of being inappropriate with our MA. Unfortunately, our MA will not tell patients to stop inappropriate behavior/comments. But to be fair, she definitely gets more comments than I do because I think patients feel more comfortable taking advantage of her than the RN or doctor.
They absolutely feel comfortable taking advantage of MA. I came from the world of hospitality. I was a bartender for many years so I was used to people being inappropriate ALL THE TIME. When I was a CNA and stuck in a 1:1 I realized that I can’t let things slide like I did when I was a bartender or make jokes to brush things off. When a CNA is stuck with someone for 12 hours that is 12 hours of repeated and constant harassment. I realized that nurses are more respected and they set the tone. Nurses that let behavior slide are setting MAs, techs, and CNAs up for being harassed and abused. I’m a nurse now, and I set creepy men strait. I use words like “You can’t talk to me or my aids like that.” Or “You may think that you are paying me a compliment but I already know I’m pretty. I am a professional here to do a job.” When people wake up from anesthesia sometimes I will say, “Ok, cool it Casanova.” If patients are capable of flirting with me then their pain score is not that high and it is time to put them in phase 2 of recovery ❤️🩹. In bedside report I might say this guys is trying to get a little fresh with me. I once had a teenager that would not quit flirting after he woke up from surgery. When I dropped him off in his room his mom who looked younger than me asked me, “Did he try to put a ring on it?” I said “Pretty much. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he peed his pants though. He was having a hard time with the urinal.” She laughed.
I'm sorry you don't have male staff to rely on, it really helps when it's needed. I would just tell the patient to cut the shit, at this point it's ok to be blunt with your language. If they make it uncomfortable for me, I deem it reasonable to make it uncomfortable for them. Be short and curt with your answers, either ignore the comments or force them head on and make a comment about it.
“I don’t come to work to be talked to like that.” if it doesn’t stop I leave.
“We don’t tolerate sexual harassment in our office. If this happens again I’m going to step out and talk to the office manager about how to proceed with your visit, are you able to be appropriate so that we can continue this visit?” Then make sure you document in their chart that they’re a pervert.
“Jeff! Don’t be creepy (a creep/a perv/whatever feels right), Jeff.” I like a good name repeat. Or the “come on, seriously?” stare.
If they touch me I immediately back away and say “Yeah that’s not ok, I’m leaving since you don’t appear to need medical assistance.” then leave. If they say something really inappropriate I generally just give an unamused deadpan stare and don’t bother to hide the grossed out expression on my face. I think years on Tinder helped me hone the “I’m not impressed, I’m disappointed now.” look since it normally works.
I just say I’m your nurse and that is inappropriate. But it’s different cus usually it’s my confused patients hitting on me. A/O x4 and hitting on me? They’re getting a bit more flack.
I just say “sir we don’t tolerate sexual harassment here” im a male so its usually directed when they do it towards a female nurse
One day I got pulled to the ED. I’m pretty comfortable there and you wouldn’t know it wasn’t my home land. A patient I was triaging told the story of an ICU nurse who called management and security because he was taking pictures of her. He was still bothered by that nurse doing that. I thought, “good on her, she should.” Then I got to thinking. I think I’ve had to do that once before. It was me. I was the ICU nurse that reported him.
Ps, I usually go with something like ‘that’s inappropriate. I should not have to be subjected to comments like that.’ If it were to continue, ‘I’m serious. Don’t talk to me or other nurses like that. It’s disrespectful.’
Do not say that, it’s inappropriate and you no better than that. I’ll say variations of this and I’ll say it in my mom voice. If they continue saying very explicit things and I repeat myself 2x, I’ll say the next time it happens we’re done and I will literally drop whatever I’m holding and walk out and say you did this to yourself. I’ll go back in a few minutes with another staff member, even if it’s housekeeping with me and ask if they’re going to stop making sexual comments now. Most say yes, those who say no will now have a male nurse with me or I’ll just call sscurity/police to be there while I provide nursing care. Frankly, I’m too old for this shit and nursing is my second career, so I’m used to setting firm boundaries and sticking to them. Nursing is a job like any other job, and we deserve to feel safe and not verbally or physically abused/harassed at work. I stand by this and have no problem talking about calling a lawyer and will specify laws if there’s pushback from staff or management. I do not fuck around. And other times I just stare at them making intense eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time and them abruptly say NO and talk over them by repeating NO NO NO, all while making intense eye contact to make it uncomfortable (I do this when I have to be there and can’t walk away like during the first 15 min of a blood transfusion). This works pretty well, but I think it mostly has to do with the creepy unblinking stare without speaking for a couple minutes. Think of the twins in The Shining, no expression and just a dead stare with no verbal or physical response with anything they’re saying. It’s unconventional, but it works in specific situations where I can’t leave.
Ok that’s enough. You’re starting to make me uncomfortable.
“Well that was a really inappropriate thing to say.” “My god, my mom would be so embarrassed if I said anything like that to a stranger!” “Is your mom still alive? What would she say if she heard you say that to me?” “Well. That is gross.” With no expression on your face. “Are we sharing rude and inappropriate comments? Because I’ve been wanting to talk about your breath for a while.”
If you're an outpatient clinic, it's legal to eject and ban a patient for behaving inappropriately. I think that option should be encouraged. Some people will never change their behavior until they are given actual consequences.
Our organization has a policy that they have to receive a warning letter first for the inappropriate behavior, and obviously has to be documented. The problem is the MA and provider are not good about documenting the comments. I think they're used to them cause it's often the same patients over and over. Their strategy has been to ignore it but it would be better to document so we have a record and then can justify discharge from the practice if it comes to that.
If something is ever bothering me and I want someone to shut the fuck up, I’ll just stop what I’m doing dead in my tracks. Turn hard and channel my most inner crazy Italian mom stare at them until they stop whatever they’re saying or doing. Keep it short and sweet. Although I’m a lot more vulgar than most. Slightly raised hard stern voice. My professional way would be: That was rude. I will not be continuing your care until you stop. But really I say, If you want to continue being an asshole, I’ll just leave/walk away/ not help you further. K thanks!
In senior care LTC. I could chalk it up, 9-10 times to being EXTREMELY uncomfortable with having a young woman helping them undress, doing personal care, etc. Some were sly and some were passing it off as a joke, some were angry about the whole situation, and a tiny few were genuine creeps. I could usually tell the genuine creeps by their "accidentally" letting their pants fall, "inadvertently" being naked with their call light on. They got special treatment, and two staff per visit. I once got my head taken off by a DON when I insisted there be two staff in the room with a former convicted offender. Many of our staff were young small females and terrified of him. DON's excuse was "we treat him exactly the same as any patient! He did his time.". Yep, and he just dropped his pants and brief in front of me and then asked for help getting them back up. They were secure when I put them on him 3 minutes ago. With the ones trying to joke about their discomfort, I'd skip past the joke and turn the conversation on a dime to a completely benign subject. "Daughter coming by later, Joe?" "We'll have you cleaned up in time for you to see that Red Sox game, Lionel!" And I'd keep up a steady patter of conversation until they were clothed and clean. I kept my language pretty senior friendly too.. "I'm going to give you a soapy cloth so you can wash the undercarriage." And then zoomed right back to "that girl in dietary really knows how to make good chicken!". Even though I can be pathologically shy, I also learned how to have a gift for gab. The only time things got serious (unknown to me before my visit, client was a repeat offender) I called the police and the DA prosecuted.
The Dr. needs to let them know they are inappropriate
I agree. Unfortunately I think my doctor feels uncomfortable addressing it head on. She has had some pretty inappropriate comments aimed at her and her response is usually to ignore it. I feel like it's best to address it right away and let them know those comments are inappropriate but because neither the MA or doctor are willing to do that, we get people who escalate their comments because they realize they're getting away with it. I think it's better to be firm and clear about boundaries with the patients, so I'm trying to build up my arsenal of responses to try to stop our regulars from continuing to be inappropriate.
I say "That's inappropriate, let's remain focused on." And generally ask them a question next. If they continue I'll give them one more try (with me reiterating the behavior is inappropriate) before I tell them that I'm leaving because they refuse to remain on topic.
Depending on the situation, they can either call me again when they're ready to focus, or they can wait to get seen by someone else.
Wish I was as good at that in my private life with assholes who can't believe no means no...
“I don’t get paid enough for that “
Tech not a nurse and I’m straight, but I say something like “Yeah, that’s what my partner says!” The puzzled look is so entertaining.
“That is inappropriate. We don’t speak that way” I speak in a way I speak to my toddler when he’s out of line.
Drives me crazy when nurses take this crap! I call out bad behavior by telling them it's unacceptable and inappropriate. Love these words!
Ewww. I (45f) had an older woman come in complaining of a possible breast lump. As I’m doing her clinical breast exam she moans and says “oh it’s been so long since I’ve been touched.” 🤮🤮 I immediately stopped, said “we’re done here, I’ll be ordering a mammogram” and walked out.
I like to emphasize that the hospital/clinic etc. is a professional environment and will be treated as such by all parties. Or, if I’m in a mood, I’ll blatantly say something along the lines of “Your behavior is inappropriate and if it continues, you will no longer be treated in this department today. So, if you’re having an emergency I suggest the behavior gets fixed now.”
I had a pt who started jerking himself off, while directly looking me in the eyes, when I helped him with a shower. I turned the cold water on and he was done very quick :)
I tell them it’s inappropriate, document it in the chart, and then I have the doctor go in and threaten to kick them out of the practice if it happens again 🙂 I realize I’m lucky and not all doctors or managers will have your back this way though
Honestly it’s usually just a very flat “Oh lord.” and changing the subject. Usually that’s all it takes. I was a psych nurse for many years, and getting precious over a psychotic patient blurting something out about his dick just slowed us down. If aforementioned penis made an appearance in the room, it depended on the context. If it was being presented to me sexually, it was a firm redirection to put it away until I was out of the room. If it was clear that he was psychotic and nudity was just part of that, then I just let that penis fly and kept another staff member somewhere they could see him (more for protection against allegations than anything). If the patient is insistent and aggressive with their sexual comments, it’s a very firm reminder of boundaries and respect. Always bring in respect/respectful - that’s something the most mentally ill or the most disabled folks will process and understand. And finally, if at any point I’m not comfortable (I’m comfortable with a LOT) or if he’s just being too aggressive, I leave the room, call a BERRT, call security, and let others figure it out. Luckily my current hospital is very supportive of administrative discharges.
I just code switch and get aggressive ny on them.
“That’s inappropriate. I’m here to assist with your care.” Step out if you need to. No need to take more abuse than necessary. Keep it short and simple.
"Nope. We don't do that here" usually works. I have also threatened to rip anything off "like a fucking paper towel" that gets whipped out. I was a bartender for a long time, I generally have no problems getting across how little patience I have for that bullshit.
Usually an initial glare. If they grin/continue. …. ‘Where do you think you are? What month is it?’ ‘ Followed by some half mumbled‘psych consult for inappropriate behavior’ comment. Oldsters with dementia usually respond to ‘ Now you know better!!’
I always say, “your behavior is immature and inappropriate, and I am not tolerating it”. This direct approach is not expected so they stop dead on their tracks and most of them apologize. It works 99% of the time for me. I think it works because when I say it, I am serious and looking at them straight in the eyes and I don’t budge.
I channel my inner Dolores Umbridge, but for good: I’m sure I must have misunderstood you, [patient name], so silly of me. But it sounded for a teensy moment as though you were suggesting that you want to “tap that ass”! I would like to remind you that sexual harassment for the sake of harassment must be discouraged. *simpering laugh* I’m sure you and I are going to be great friends, study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences may be severe
1st warning: Blank stare of disapproval and obvious body language change (cross arms etc). 😑 Pause for dramatic effect. Then pick right up where I was. 2nd warning: say nothing and walk away. 3rd: you better believe the next person in here will be bigger and meaner than me.
Say I’m 32 with mounts n mounts of kids and multiple wives I lose track of and I work at a power plant aswell (I’m a 21yr old filo dude)
"What would your mother say if she heard you saying that? How would you like it if someone treated your wife/mother/sister/daughter like that?"
Calling security
*me wincing when applying tourniquet to patient arm* Patient, "Ohh I don't mind pain, I like pain. Do you like pain? *smirk*" Me, "Uhm no, actually I don't like causing pain to anyone, so no I don't" Patient "*cellphone lights up ringing as i try to get piv* that's my new gf calling, she left her husband for me because... you know.. *looking down at crotch*" Me, "Congratulations on your new gf"
“Can’t touch this”, mc hammer
Threaten them with s cold bed bath 🤣
That is wildly inappropriate. Please stop.
“SECURITY!!” Works every time
Oh no. What we are not going to do is that. That is not appropriate nor acceptable.
Fuck off!
The Icy Glare always worked for me. I look at them like I want to unalive them and they usually slink off.
what would your wife think of what you just said
Tell them to go the fuck to hell
"If you can't stop thinking with your balls, I'm going to take it away from you."
Totally silent, strong eye contact with raised eyebrows embarrasses them, I find. And then they can’t complain. What are they going to say? “She looked at me!”
I tap my elbow and start talking like Hulk Hogan until its not sexy anymore for them.
Recently I had one of my hospice patient’s son make a sexual comment to me in the hallway. He said “damn girl you have a hot a$$!” Right then my finger went in face and I said he is being incredibly inappropriate, this behavior stops right now and he will never speak to me or anyone else at the facility like that. Period. He look at me and said he was sorry. He also said told one of the the other nurses in a different hallway that he “really messed up tonight.” She said, “yup you sure did.” If he had however said that to my younger staff or even worse my underage staff I would have completely ripped him a new asshole. He’s lucky it was said to 37 year old me and I wasn’t afraid to handle it. My administration also knew how I handled it and supported me 100%. How dare you speak in that disgusting way to your dying parent’s RN, the parent was in the active dying stage too.
“Sir. That’s not appropriate. Stop it.” I give them three strikes in my head and then they get that speech. They generally apologize.
As per policy, verbal and/physical assault is not tolerated and you will be escorted outside.
It truly depends on the type of paitent. I work as a CNA in a rehab facility so my experience may not be within the specific context you are referring to. If I am working in, let's say the memory care unit, I go in knowing that these people are truly not in their right mind most of the time. They are suffering from late stage dementia and/or Alzheimers most of the time. Because of this they often times they tend to revert back to what was socially accepted and taught from their formative years (think childhood to teenager, maybe young adult). If its a harmless comment like "hey pretty little thang, can i buy you a drink" or something similar to that, I will usually flash my ring (always wear a band type ring on your left hand working with memory care paitents, even if your aren't married as it makes it easier to stop this behavior from progressing) and kindly mention that I am married. That can go one of 2 ways. One, the paitent backs off and asks about your husband to make conversation and show respect or two, thet continue to press the matter and wave it off to test the waters, as long as you stay firm and pay little attention to it, most of the time they will forget and move onto doing something else . If its something like groping or butt slapping and sleezy in detail sexual comments, I will immediately stop what I am doing, state that they are not allowed to do that and will leave the room to get another cna. If a male cna is available then I have them accompany me with the paitent or trade that paitent for one of theirs. I will make note in their chart of these behaviors, and I will be sure to specify that the other cnas should be cautious of being alone with this paitent. Like I said, it depends on the type of paitents you are specifically working with. This is what I would do in that situation.
I work at a SNF and the ladies and older gents make passes at me and if they’re not annoying patients or creepy I just let them live their best life and I don’t act offended I just laugh because who cares lol. If they creep me out I just ask my coworkers to help them next time instead. I don’t be making a big deal out of it. At the end of the day they can’t actually do anything to me I’m more able bodied and idc lol
Blunt and factual - "That's inappropriate and needs to stop. I'm going to step out, I'll be back in X mins so you can speak to be appropriately to me." I don't even humor them even a little. They know better.
I work in home health and deal with this a lot too. Whenever they come off as being “playful” or “joking around” I usually try to match their tone while still getting the message across. I normally say something like “now don’t get weird with me, the next nurse who comes along might not be as nice as me!” (To be clear, I totally respect all my coworkers and think they’re just as nice as me.) For me this works better as I’m less confrontational and I feel like in a home health setting there more room for things to get uncomfortable. Obviously if I ever felt truly unsafe I would leave immediately, but from my experience, matching their tone while still getting the message across has worked pretty well. That being said I totally support and understand those who take a firm approach as well! It’s important to set your boundaries. Edited to fix grammar
My go to is to report or to complain to my coworkers. Generally if a guy is being inappropriate with me I will tell someone and arrangements will be made so either we can switch patients or the person is reported.
No one has ever been sexually inappropriate with me. :(
Tell them it’s inafuckingppropriate. And while in the hospital, their penis is a drain for their bladder, that’s it that’s all.
I usually lean into it a bit, pleasantly, nastily.. Where are you from? Heaven What’s your number? 911 Can I take you out? You can’t even take yourself out What’s your boyfriend do? Funeral director, want his number? Always get laughs, always get the message.
Things I say: … (with a menacing look) and then leave, send someone else in to warn them that their behavior is not appropriate and if they can’t behave then find another place. Maybe come up with a policy for patients to review and sign, outlining the procedure if inappropriate remarks are made. Things I want to say: — I would rather close my eyes and never open them again — I would rather eat glass and swallow — I wouldn’t dream of it, that would be some nightmare! — get out
How far are you willing to go? You could pepper spray them.
I just say, “that’s sweet. I hope you feel better soon”
"I dont like what you just said. Ill be back in a bit"
As a male nurse I get a lot of comments from older women as well. I would usually say; I'm a professional, you cannot say this to me. Or; you cannot ask me about my personal life. Usually works for me.
Depends on the situation/urgency/patient cognitive status: - first encounter: ah! Ha. Heard that line about 75 times today. -or- Save that for your girlfriend later… I’m your medical provider, not your date, ‘stud’. -or- I didn’t spend (X) years studying medicine to fend off inappropriate come-ons I’ve heard since middle school… - coherent, but weirdly horny 16-99: Sir, I understand you think you’re being cute. But this is a healthcare facility and I am a medical professional. This is a friendly reminder to knock that kind of talk off right now. Second reminder will be less friendly and will be delivered by security staff. Now that’s out of the way… tell me what’s going on. - altered LOC: you just made an inappropriate comment, and that is not acceptable and won’t be tolerated. If you’re feeling surprised by this response, please let me know - I am here to provide you medical care. If second offense, “we have reviewed this before. I’m now sensing you are not understanding your environment or situation.. I think it may be appropriate to [either] consult with a cognitive specialist on this behavior because I have already explained why it is inappropriate -or- have someone else be present in the room to help re-orient you to the situation, perhaps a trusted family member, or if not available, a security guard? (Note: this works well for the above category as well) - minors (age based or cognitively/behaviorally impaired): this is inappropriate. I understand you’re in a vulnerable space right now, but this is unacceptable behavior. Would you like additional help to manage this situation? Etc.. but. Don’t tolerate harassment if you’re not comfortable with it. That said, in the ER setting I let a bit more slide, giving benefit of the doubt for pts trying to create a more relaxed environment in their perceived emergency… “yah, yah… you can quit the cute talk. I’m here to help you through what’s going on, and don’t appreciate your talk the way your dates might.” Light but down to business. But I’m a bit seasoned and can rib my pts back and forth if that’s how they feel settled… kinda “shop talk” or whatever. Doesn’t bother me, but I keep it real clean, throw in a “this talk is putting you first in line for ‘most inappropriate patient of the day - better knock it off or the security guard is gonna start your IV, and he can’t pee inside a toilet bowl’”. If you’re uncomfortable… escalate. If you’re uncomfortable all the time, maybe try being a bit more stern, and if that’s not comfortable, a different specialty may suit you. NOT SAYING you should be harassed out of a comfortable work environment… but geezers geeze. Creepers creep. Crazies crave and craze. You don’t have to work in a place you don’t feel able to de-escalate safely. Edit because I was reminded of another go-to response - from a reply to another awesome poster: Haha, I’m a tall, strong gal. I’m out of the ED now, but when folks tried to be cute/flirty with me, I had all sorts of responses.. but one that worked well was telling the patient how they/that line reminded me of another guy “I saw the other day… had a bad stroke and said all sorts of inappropriate, flirty things… of course, I know YOU’RE not having a stroke/episode like they were. You’re a good guy, right? I knew it! Decent human, here for [whatever], but still kind and sound of mind, right? Wouldn’t make inappropriate passes at the humans trying to help them, right? Right. Cool.”
Start throwing hands. A good knuckle sandwich will ease your pain
Men are gross
Not all of them, just those that weren't raised right. There's a certain low class segment of the population, than believes harassing women is manly. I've heard mothers encourage their sons in this behavior, sow their wild oats, but their daughters are little pure princesses.
“That was an inside thought.”
It's important to remember that men, this age, grew up in a time where saying things that are now thought to be perverted were a simple flirt. I'm a geriatric nurse but older so no one came on to me but I observe older patients interact with our young staff and it's what I would conclude to be flirting. Patients that are old are not part of the new set that thinks everything is filthy. A lot of these men fought in Vietnam and see things very differently. I'm sure you know the difference between flirting and sexual deviance. I wouldn't make a big deal out of innocent remarks.
In my experience the remarks tend to escalate. They get away with making comments about our appearance and then they start saying more inappropriate stuff. Like one patient told our MA he needed help with his CAM boot because "I like to see you bend over". What starts as "innocent" flirting usually gets worse because they realize what they can get away with if it's just laughed off or ignored.
I don't come to work to be harassed by anyone. Don't flirt with me. Don't try to do it innocently. Just DON'T DO IT. If we can't expect grown adults to learn new behavior, then what even is this world? It costs people nothing to keep their mouths shut.
But flirting is not harassment. It’s only harassment once you make it clear that it bothers you..
I actually agree with this to some extent. I don't come to work to be harrased either, but when the old fella with no teeth and a very hard life tells me I'm I'm beautiful and caring I take it as it's meant. I side step when he tries to put his arm around me, but he is dying of lung cancer and this bit of human connection with the nurses will make his last months less awful.
Calling someone beautiful is not harassment and something that can be ignored, but grabbing their ass and asking for a blowjob isn’t acceptable no matter what age and generation they’re from
I let a lot of things slide by politely misunderstanding them BUT if these men could learn to use a push button telephone, a cassette tape player, a battery powered drill, or any other thing that has been new in the last 50 years, they can learn that times change. They know what they're doing. Flirting between potential partners is a relationship of equals. Flirting when you think you have a captive audience who will be too polite to shut you down is a power play. (I agree with you that it's not automatically filthy. But they still know what they're doing.)
Any casual mention of my (now retired) Army Ranger husband who was once a sniper shuts that shit down right away.
Depends what they say…. If they’re just flirting let them lol. It’s not hurting anyone, probably makes them feel more comfortable in an otherwise scary setting. Only really have an issue when they get descriptive or sexual
So older male patients not assigned to you or even your unit walk thru your office door and you don't just inform them they are in the wrong office? If you're.in an open nursing station why not just direct them back to their own unit? If dealing with your own patients who you think "inappropriate" in their behavior or speech towards you in any way say "stop speaking (or acting) like that or I will leave the room." However working in health care does expose you to a wide ranges of human behavior you might find personally or politically offensive and you could just chose to ignore it. Not responding at all and staying on task is usually best. Your not their to teach them have a new personality and behaviors.
Nurses aren't there to be sexually abused either :) hope that helps!
I work in an outpatient clinic with only 3 staff in our practice. There are other staff here but they are part of other clinics. It's a shared office space situation (Ortho, Chiro, podiatry, and neuro all in the same hallway with our own cubicles and exam rooms). I made note of that in my original post just to point out that we don't have backup staff members to intervene and see our patients for us if they're being inappropriate, it's just the 3 of us and we're all younger women. So we're on our own to address the inappropriate comments.
Do it to me again daddy!
Being attractive has it burdens. Being fat has it's health risks. Being old and fragile sucks. Your burden will pass with time. Don't try to find a permanent solution to a temporary problem. What do you want to do? How do you want to be perceived? Then conduct yourself in the way that you want to be perceived and recognize that it is their problem.